


The Help Goblin

by demonsushi01



Series: The Help Goblin [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bullying, Cussing, Dave get your shit together, Developing Relationship, Domestic Violence, Drug Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gangs, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Humanstuck, Illustrated, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Karkat is not really a goblin, M/M, Mental Abuse, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Slurs, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, Verbal Abuse, Wow there is quite the abuse going on, chapter warnings before each chapter, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 05:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 40
Words: 209,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2257731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsushi01/pseuds/demonsushi01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>==> You are Dave Strider and you are going through hell and back. Fortunately you got yourself a helpful little goblin friend by the name of Karkat who actually wants you to get better.</p>
<p>Edit 4/4/15: Now with some pictures~!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Fate Says, “Fuck You”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> -Mentions of Drug abuse  
> -Actual Drug Abuse  
> -Mentions of self-harm  
> -Cursing

     The first time you had gotten high, you had locked yourself inside your room and lit up some of whatever it was that you lifted from Bro’s secret drawer. It wasn’t a well-hidden place but it’s where Bro would stick the stuff he was holding for his ‘friends’. It became a bad habit of yours to look up what was there and how to properly use it. If it were easy, like inhaling or digesting it, you would take a little. It wasn’t ever enough to be noticeable, but it was enough for you to try. Sometimes, if it made frequent visits to your apartment, you’d save up what you’d snatch until you had a pretty decent stash for yourself.

     You remember how one day, after Bro’s ‘buddy’ picked up his shit, he had handed over a small card. Bro had tossed it on the counter without looking at it. You, ever the curious one, snatched it up before he could throw it away later. It had been a business card of sorts and it brought you to a dealer. Of course you didn’t want Bro to find out about you’re budding drug addiction, so you had to avoid being seen by his ‘friends’. You still went out and talked to the guy and, surprisingly understanding, he went and got you in contact with his supplier. A man named Gamzee Makara.

     Gamzee was an all right guy, and most importantly didn’t know whom Bro or his gang was. At first he hadn’t wanted to sell you anything, “You’re just a kid after all,” he would mumble under his breath with a concerned look. It took some convincing on your part and he eventually gave in with a weak excuse of ‘having bills to pay and food to buy’.

     For a while the marijuana, among the other drugs you took, and the occasional experiment with nutmeg in the kitchen had been enough for you. But then you had made the mistake of getting something much stronger in your body, and suddenly it was like you had never been high before. The normal high you got had felt weak and wasn’t enough for you anymore.

     You wanted to go up as high as you could and never come back down again. You wanted to get away from all the nightmares, the constant thinking, and the shit in your life that always found new ways to bring you to lower and lower points. You know it worries Gamzee when you tell him, and sometimes it makes it harder to buy from him. You always managed to convince him though. To make him feel somewhat better, you’d often stay at his place when trying anything new or stronger than what you had been used to.

     God knows what Bro will do when he finds out about your extra-curricular activities, if he even bothers to try that is. You have been stoned off your ass right in front of him and he didn’t even notice in the slightest. He doesn’t even question you’re falling grades or the bruises you come home with more frequently. He definitely doesn’t know about the things you have done and still do with a blade in your hand. Actually, you’re honestly glad he doesn’t know about it, you would be such the disappointment in his eyes.

     But that’s neither here nor there. You are currently at Gamzee’s place, chilling on his couch. You have pushed your shades up to rest on top of your face as he walks around the living room, the lights are not harsh on your eyes here. He never tells you what he has or doesn’t have, in all honesty, you think he never quite knows himself, and offers you what stuff he does find within the nooks and crannies of this house. Today is no different. In fact, today is one of those rare days where he invites you over to get high with him.

     The drug that he offers you is one of which you haven’t tried yet because you’ve been a bit afraid of trying it. You had heard more horror stories about it and it doesn’t make you any less anxious about it. A very distinct part of you, one that still cares about your life even with the morally wrong choices you have made and continue to make, tells you to turn down Gamzee’s offer and try to find a bong in his mess of a house. But for one thing, your life is tail spinning out of control anyway, so fuck good decisions, and two you’re lazy as fuck and don’t want to hunt anything down. So just like that, you find yourself dropping acid with Gamzee and continue on your reckless abandonment of your life.

     It leaves everything brightly colored, like someone had just turned up the saturation in your vision. Every sound you hear comes across in a colorful smoke. Fuck you can almost taste the purple of Gamzee’s couch. _Speaking of where’d he go?_ You glance around and don’t see him. You don’t get off the couch, as the floor is now lava and you would die. It doesn’t keep you from wanting to run your hand through the molten liquid. Instead you run your hands over the grape flavored couch and if that’s not the plushest thing you have ever felt, you don’t know what is. You are hyperaware of every breath, every blink, every pulse of your heart; you can almost feel the way your skin stretches over each muscle and bone. You do your best to ignore the creepy as hell whispering that drips in a black smoke coming from Gamzee’s room.

     It feels as if years have gone by when this, this thing stands in front of you. _A goblin?_ You think it’s a goblin it certainly looks goblin like. It gives you a once over, curious perhaps before glaring you down. You cant help but laugh at the way your tongue feels when you unstick it from the roof of your mouth. It takes you several tries to form the words and a puff of red escapes past your lips as you say very slurred, “’Sup.” The goblin seems very unpleased and you laugh at its angry scowl.  
  
 “Shop? Yes. Shop. You’re in Gamzee’s to be exact.” Goblin boy frowns and offers you a hand.  
  
 “Strider, right?” He asks you, waiting for you to respond. He probably expects a somewhat intelligent answer, not that you can do such a thing at the moment. You stare at his hand for a bit longer.  
  
 “I ain’t got no gold for you man.” You spit out. The goblin sighs and rolls his eyes, sitting down next to you. You are pretty certain that he goes to school with you and it makes you feel a bit funny inside.  
  
 “Any idea of how much you guys took?” he asks you. You however are much more interested in his shirt than the grey word smoke that he produces. You reach a hand out and run it along his shirtsleeve. If you had thought that the couch was the best damn thing you had ever touched you were clearly wrong. You try to convey this feeling to him.  
  
 “Dude…it’s like…yo.” Is the best you can manage right now. He makes a face, and you can’t tell if you’re laughing at him or you.  
  
 “God I’m so fucking gone.” You murmur, glad that you can, on occasion, speak in full sentences. Goblin just sighs.  
  
 “Yeah, you are. Here,” He helps you sit back up and _oh shit, when did you even fall over?_ “I’ll get you two some food and water.” You do your best to ignore how his skin is melting off his body, exposing the muscle underneath. You nod and he gets up, muscle layers tearing open and bone showing through. He walks and disappears into the void from which he had come.

     Moments later, he’s dragging Gamzee over to the couch and sets him beside you. Gamzee, of course, is laughing his ass off, and the goblin mumbles irritably under his breath.  
  
 “Gamz, I’m taking you’re wallet and ordering us some food.” He says, reaching into Gamzee’s pockets and retrieving the aforementioned wallet. Gamzee nods several times in agreement and you nudge him gently until you have his attention. You point at the third probably real member in the room.  
  
 “Fucking goblin.” You tell him. This earns you a glare from said goblin as he pats Gamzee’s head. You scoot closer to the two of them, hoping to get in on all this head patting. Instead, the goblin goes back to ordering the three of you pizza and heads off for the kitchen area. Or at least that’s what you’ve labeled that place as being.

            By the time he gets back, water bottles in hand, you are busy running your hands through Gamz’s hair, finding it to feel weird and coarse between your fingers. Gamzee meanwhile is poking at your face and murmurs about holes. Goblin rolls his eyes and hands you both a bottle.  
  
 “Here, drink up.” You stare dumbly as the bottles morphs into an octopus and a bird. The goblin pinches at the bridge of his nose before reaching up and snapping the ‘neck’ of your octopus. You give him a look, hoping to convey how confused you are in this situation.  
  
 “Just drink the damn thing. Please?” he says.  
  
 “How the fuck do I drink an octopus?” you ask very seriously.  
  
 “The same way you eat a girl out. Now get drinking.”  
  
 “I don’t know how to do that…” You sigh. It’s the truth really; you have no clue how to be remotely intimate with a woman. He sighs and stands up. _Maybe it’s like a blowjob?_ You go to ask but he’s out of sight for now. You experimentally lick along the top of your bottle.

  
  
 “Oh, alright. You got it.” You hear and see the goblin is not too far away, straw in hand. He turns to face Gamzee, who is busy staring at the bird in his hands.  
  
 “Come on dude, this isn’t your first time. You know the drill.” He tells him. You watch as Gamzee rips the head off of his and chugs down the fluids. You focus back on the bottle-octopus blowjob you should be doing. You lick up the side of the bottle and suck on the label. The goblin pats Gamzee’s head, _lucky bastard_ , and looks over at you.  
  
 “No. Here,” He sighs taking the bottle away from you and tilting your head back slightly. “Let me help you, you fucktard.” He says and presses the bottle to your lips. You part your lips for him.  
  
 “If you feel this shit in your mouth, swallow it.” He slowly pours the water in. You briefly wonder how much liquid you can hold and don’t swallow. He stops pouring and gives you an irritated look.  
  
 “Swallow it already.” He glares. You gurgle in response. He hands you back the bottle, exasperated and goes over to where Gamzee had pulled out the acid from. You swallow as you watch him sit down at the desk.  
  
 “Gamz, two for you? Really?” He sounds pleasantly surprised. “That’s a bit of a low dose for you but thanks. You’ll make it easier for me. And you got half?” He looks up at you and you shrug. He looks back down at the contents of the desk.  
  
 “…Yeah half. Well you’re taking a strong hit.” He sighs and looks back over at Gamzee. You proceed to make out with your bottle just to do something.  
  
 “I thought you didn’t sell to kids.” He says with a slight glare.  
  
 “Bills to pay.” Is Gamzee’s sluggish reply.  
  
 “’Bills to pay’ my ass. You knew that guy was coming today but no, drop acid with this kid.” He shakes his head. You curl up and lean against Gamz, nursing your bottle.  
  
 “Any idea what time it was when you idiots decided to do this shit?” He asks.  
  
 “Same time as usual?” Gamzee says uncertainly. You hum and nuzzle against his shoulder.  
  
 “You’re warm…” You murmur into his shirt.  
  
 “Well you’re responding pretty well so that’s good. Guess you two are coming back down to earth.” Goblin says. He’s right; everything is starting to get a bit duller, the whispers harder to hear and the color smoke getting thinner. You don’t focus on the goblin’s words, they’re not meant for you anyway. Gamzee shifts slightly so you aren’t precariously balanced on his bony arm and are resting more against his chest.  
  
 “—If he gets here before you finish coming down he’ll take advantage of you again. C’mon Gamzee, we talked about this shit.” The goblin crosses his arms.  
  
 “Yeah, I know.” Gamz hums, you cuddle up closer. He often makes a nice pillow for you to take short naps on and he never seems to mind too much.  
  
 “Also,” Goblin sighs. “Do me a solid?” You feel Gamzee’s hum in reply against your skin.  
  
 “Don’t go selling shit to this kid anymore okay?”  
  
 “I’ll try…” Gamz says. You hum, knowing it wouldn’t take much to convince him to continue to sell to you regardless of what this hobgoblin says.  
  
 “Thanks.” He says softly.  
  
 “Yeah, yeah, don’t go thanking me yet.” Gamzee waves his hand. The goblin gives him a slight smile and _wow okay yeah that’s cute._ You try to whisper this to Gamzee but it comes out audible to everyone in the room.  
  
 “He’s kinda cute.” And with that the goblin raises one eyebrow. _Fuck no, why is that kind of attractive he’s an annoying little kid_.  
  
 “Who?” Gamzee asks you.  
  
 “The goblin.” You whine slightly. You might as well face the music, the less pissed off he looks the more you realize that he’s actually pretty good looking. That’s a road you do not want to go down right now. _Nope. Not happening._ The goblin rolls his eyes.  
  
 “Yeah he is huh?” Gamzee nods in agreement.  
  
 “Okay, so maybe I was wrong and you two are still high off your fucking rockers.” The guy shakes his head. _How the fuck did you think he was a goblin again?_ You laugh softly and he rolls his eyes. When the doorbell rings he passes by the two of you and _sweet baby Jesus how did you not notice that **ass**?  
_  
 “He’s got a great ass too.” You tell Gamzee, and he chuckles in response. Goblin, _Okay seriously what is his name_ , comes back with pizza in his arms. You scrunch your nose slightly; you guess you can tolerate one more pizza today. He sits beside the two of you and passes you each a slice. Gamzee practically eats his in one bite, while you sit there and rip off small pieces for you to eat. You start getting distracted by your thoughts; it’s small things like _‘how long were you gone?’_ and _‘is Bro even worried about me?’_ and the like. Goblin-boy nudges your arm softly.  
  
 “Eat.”  
  
 “’M not all that hungry.” You sigh. You are starting to crash hard into your more negative thoughts that make it somewhat hard to keep food down. He pats your leg softly and continues on his own slice. You eventually give up on the lone slice you had been given. The guy looks at you worriedly.  
  
 “I could make you a sandwich? Gamzee should have the stuff in his mini-fridge.” He says. You play with your now empty bottle and shake your head.  
  
 “Want me to take you home after this?” He asks.  
  
 “I’ll walk.” You don’t want him to go through that kind of trouble for you.  
  
 “Then I’ll walk you home.”  
  
 “I’ll be fine.” You snap slightly.  
  
 “Just making sure…” he says softly. You sigh and knock your shades back down over your eyes. You didn’t want him following you home is all. He simply goes back to eating and you decide that since he’s busy you’ll be able to just go. So you stand up and head for the door, ignoring the concerned look Gamzee gives you.  
  
 “I should go.” You say. You hear movement behind you as the goblin stands up.  
  
 “Alright. Let’s go.” He says.  
  
 “I don’t need…” You pause. You really don’t _need_ his help, but you get the feeling he’s coming with you one way or another.  
  
 “…Fine. Whatever.” You huff. He smirks and you decide that while, yes, he is indeed somewhat cute, he’s also an asshole and you don’t exactly trust him.  
  
 “I’ll go get my stuff.” He says. You nod and wave to Gamzee before heading outside. Maybe you can get a head start on Goblin and make it home without him. You hear the door open shortly after you close it though and that plan is destroyed. _Plan B then_ , you make a break for it in the opposite direction of your home the moment his eyes land on you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	2. Elevatorstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> -Mentions of Drug Abuse  
> -Cursing  
> -Mentions Of Bullying

You can hear his shout from quite the distance behind you.  
  
 “Dude! Would you fucking wait?! I can’t have you running off after dropping that shit!” You glance over your shoulder and see him running after you, _He just won’t give up will he?_ Goblin has almost caught up with you, so in a last ditch effort to get away from him, you start to dart into traffic. He grabs you by the collar of your shirt and yanks you violently back onto the sidewalk. The people around you are tossing curious glances your way and you are quite tempted to act like you’re being kidnapped.  
  
 “This is why I can’t let you run off like that! Do you fucking see that?! IT’S A RED FUCKING LIGHT YOU SHITSQUATTING DUMBFUCK!” He yells at you, giving you the harshest glare yet. You aren’t going to deal with this noise.  
  
 “I know that! Maybe I just don’t want you fucking following me home!” You grit your teeth.  
  
 “I just want to make sure you get back in one piece you dick.” He sighs.  
  
 “I will,” You pull away from him. “I have before.” He crosses his arms.  
  
 “Have you done acid before?” You pause and he nods.  
  
 “I thought so. I mean based on the amount you took.” He rolls his eyes.  
  
 “What makes this any different?” You grumble.  
  
 “It not just one up and then down the rest of the fucking day. It’s a rollercoaster, you can go up and down multiple times. Fortunately, you seem like you’ve gotten off the highest point you’ll get.”  
  
 “So what?” You tap your foot impatiently.  
  
 “So going home is fine, but leaving you alone before you get there is a different story. Shit happens okay?” He gives you a pleading look and you huff in response. You can’t believe he’s actually worried about you. He pinches the bridge of his nose.  
  
 “Look, how about you let me fucking sleep well tonight and make sure you get your ass home?” He says, exasperated.  
  
 “Fine.” You say flexing your jaw and tightening your fists.  
  
 “Thank you.” You shrug a shoulder and start heading in the right direction. Maybe you can ditch him in the lobby or something. He follows behind you silently, watching to see if he’ll have to grab you again.  
  
 “Why are we going back to Gamzee’s?” He asks, noticing the backtracking you’re doing.  
  
 “What made you think I was running the right way in the first place?” You shoot back. You can hear him mutter something under his breath as you shove your hands into your pockets. The two of you continue in silence for a while, finally past Gamzee’s and on your way home.  
  
 “Listen, you don’t have to take me all the way to the door, just tell me when we’re a block away.” He mumbles. You grunt in response and you can practically feel the way he fidgets.  
  
 “I’m sorry it’s sorta just how I am. I get kinda paranoid and feel responsible for the people I catch at Gamzee’s like how you were.” You stay quiet, not sure how to respond to this admission. You can see the apartment complex nearby and you are actually glad to see it for once. He gives you and the building a questioning look but says nothing until you get to the lobby door.  
  
 “You live here?” He asks.  
  
 “Yeah. Now will you go?” You give him a soft glare from behind the tinted glass of your shades. He gives you an apologetic look, weak smile and all.  
  
 “Well…I also live here. So, guess you’ll have to deal with me a bit longer.” You groan loudly and shove your way through the door.  
  
 “Gee, thanks.” He says softly, following behind you. You repeatedly jab your finger into the elevator call button. You can’t wait to get to your room. Maybe you’ll sleep for a month and pretend this never happened. The doors ping open and he steps in, tapping his floor number. You sigh and press the one underneath his. _Fuck it._ You slide your hand over all the buttons. You don’t stop until all the floors have lit up. You smirk and look over at him. He’s giving you the most incredulous look as you start going up and stopping at each floor.  
  
 “What the fuck was that about?! Was there some sort of fucking scorpion or some shit you had to smash or are you just wanting to spend time stuck on a goddamn elevator with me?!”  
  
 “Which answer will piss you off more?” You ask.  
  
 “You motherfucker.” He says angrily.  
  
 “Ain’t I a stinker?” You chuckle as he bangs his head on the wall.  
  
 “Hey you were the one wanting to make sure I was okay. Now you’ll get longer time to evaluate me.”  
  
 “Well now I know you’re _not_ okay in the fucking head!” He is just a little ball of fury and for some reason you can’t help but think it’s a slight bit cute.  
  
 “Why? Because I want to force us to have some good ol’ quality time together?” You lean against your own wall.  
  
 “WHO THE FUCK HAS A GOOD TIME IN A MOTHERFUCKING ELEVATOR?!” He shouts. You go to give him some witty remark about couples and paid escorts when you hear a horrendous sound come from just beyond the walls of the elevator. It comes to a halt and you look over at him.  
  
 “Well shit.” It’s an understatement, but you feel like something had to be said. This had not been a part of the plan but it’s okay, you can deal with this. He’s gripping the handrail tightly, color slowly draining from his face.  
  
 “You. Little. Shit.” He grits his teeth. You click your tongue.  
  
 “We’re gonna die.”  
  
 “Shut up.” He says tensely. You sit on the floor and sigh dramatically.  
  
 “Guess we’ll have to bond now.”  
  
 “I highly doubt this is the fucking time to bond.” He says, shakily moving to join you on the floor.  
  
 “Now that I think about it, this was the elevator that made me late for school once doing this shit.” You mumble. This really wasn’t a good idea in hindsight. He heaves a shuddering breath, looking scared as hell.  
  
 “Dude you are freaking out,” You say. “Are you claustrophobic?”  
  
 “Slightly, yeah.” He says looking about before groaning softly.  
  
 “Well, you wanted to bond. There you go. You got to learn something about me, congratu-fucking-lations.” He sighs and curls into himself. You feel bad about this and you should share something. Maybe it’ll help distract him from the situation.  
  
 “Stairs freak me the fuck out.” You say the first thing you can think of. He doesn’t judge you for it though.  
  
 “I hate the color pink.” He says, you nod in agreement.  
  
 “I live with my Bro.”  
  
 “Same here.” He hums.  
  
 “Mine’s a dick and isn’t home a lot.”  
  
 “I actually like mine. He’s not home a lot but he tries. I didn’t see him for a few years. Once he was back things got better for me.”  
  
 “Bad parents?” You ask. He nods.  
  
 “Well bad father. Mom ran away when I was little.”  
  
 “I never knew mine. I don’t know if they’re alive, dead or what.” You are a bit surprised at how much you are sharing.  
  
 “I thought I knew mine,” He says softly. “Things change people I guess.” You hum. A slight awkward pause falls between you. You feel like a subject change is in order.  
  
 “I like apple juice.” Okay, maybe you shouldn’t be in charge of topics. You wince slightly to yourself.  
  
 “I prefer Coke.” He says.  
  
 “Nah man, cold AJ on a hot summer day is way better than that stick shit.” He snorts and rolls his eyes.  
  
 “I think it’s just too fucking sweet. Good yes, but its just so in your goddamn face about it being a fucking kiddie drink.” He shrugs. You stick your tongue out at him.  
  
 “AJ is the shit. See, we could’ve been friends but you dissed the AJ man.” You cross your arms. He smiles slightly and shakes his head.  
  
 “Hey, I at least respect you fucking opinion douche nozzle. Plus if I were you, I’d consider being my friend more now.”  
  
 “Why is that?” You ask.  
  
 “Well if I ever do end up with apple juice, I’ll just pass it over to you since I won’t be drinking that shit.” He sticks his own tongue back at you. You have to fight back the small smile that threatens to break your face. You lose in the end, but it’s worth it when he graces you with one of his own. He rests his chin on his knees, and a much more comfortable silence falls this time. You hum softly and stare at the ceiling.  
  
 “I like guys.” You murmur. You don’t know why you’re telling him, it’s not like he needed to know. He also didn’t ask. How in the world you’ve kept your drug abuse among other things from people is beyond you. You expect him to make some sound of disgust but instead he hums.  
  
 “Guys _are_ cute.” He smiles. You are instantly relieved.  
  
 “Yes! Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, somebody understands!” He laughs softly and you sigh.  
  
 “Have you told anyone about it before?” You ask.  
  
 “I told my brother about a year ago. My friends have always known, even before I fucking did.” He replies. You are a slight bit jealous.  
  
 “You must have some nice friends.”  
  
 “Nah, they’re all assholes.” He chuckles. He shakes his head when you raise a questioning brow.  
  
 “We just know better than to let shit like that get in the way. Unless it’s like, y’know, a bad abusive relationship.” You nod in agreement.  
  
 “I’ve never personally told anyone,” You sigh. “But the whole school knows.” You give the wall a soft glare.  
  
 “So you’re one of those students who got dragged out of the closet? Shit man, I’m sorry.” He says. You shrug.  
  
 “It’s my fault.”  
  
 “No it’s not. Okay, well, maybe the school knowing shit, but not the liking of the same-sex.” He says.  
  
 “Well yeah, but like, I pretty much outed myself.”  
  
 “The fuck did you do, write it on your forehead?” You roll your eyes.  
  
 “It was in fifth grade, on a school bus, coming back from a field trip. My ‘buddy’ was the cutest fucking thing ever and he didn’t really think too much about what little flirting I did with him. Looking back, I don’t think he even knew that’s what I was doing,” you shrug and shake your head. “Anyway, we were chilling in our seats and I just _really_ wanted to kiss him, like I had been holding it back all day. So I kinda did. He flipped the fuck out, several people saw and incriminating photos were taken. I guess a good portion of people still remember that embarrassment.” He nods in understanding and shuffles closer to you.  
  
 “Anything else?” He asks.  
  
 “About?”

“You talk, I’ll listen. I don’t give a shit what it is.” You pause and think about what else you can share with a classmate you barely know.  
  
 “I have some fucked up nightmares.”

 “I do too. It doesn’t really fucking help with the damn insomnia. To be honest, I’m wearing makeup. It doesn’t help much but they make me self-conscious.” He gestures to the area under his eyes. You can see it’s a bit dark under there, but it must be much worse if it’s covered.  
  
 “Benefit to wearing shades.” You say, tapping the frames.  
  
 “What the fuck’s up with those anyway? You even wear them inside, don’t you get in trouble _‘Cool kid’_?”  
  
 “I have special eyes. I can’t take them off without blinding the masses. Like Cyclops, but like less cool since I’m not an X-Man.” You shrug. He stares at you.  
  
 “Are you making shit up so you don’t have to fucking tell me that your eyes are goddamn sensitive? Because let me tell you right now, lying will not get you far with me.”  
  
 “It’s just, I like it better than ‘Oh hey my eyes will burn out in class because my body said fuck you when I developing in the womb’.” He snickers softly, you make a face at him.  
  
 “Bet you still have curious assholes trying to take them all the time.”  
  
 “No one gives a shit about them anymore, the ones that try to swipe them are dicks and just want to watch me struggle blindly for them back.” You shake your head. He hums and looks at you.  
  
 “Speaking of, can I check your eyes?” He asks.  
  
 “What, why?”  
  
 “So I can make sure you’re actually coming the fuck down.”  
  
 “I wouldn’t be able to keep my eyes open long. Be all squinty.” You whine.  
  
 “Will you just let me check you fucking pupils?” He says softly, nudging your shades. You think for a moment, it’s not something you are entirely comfortable with. His overall intentions are good though so, you take a deep breath and nod.  
  
 “If you’re gonna do it, do it. Before I change my mind.” It’s the closest to a yes as he’s going to get. He rolls his eyes and pushes them to rest on top of your head. You have to squint in the light, trying to adjust to the light change. You have to close your eyes, and you can hear him snickering behind his hands. You try you’re best to ignore how that stings.  
  
 “What?” You snap. He’s getting louder with his laughter. You bite your lip hard and pull your shades back down over your face.  
  
 “I’m sorry, shit, it’s just,” He reaches back out for you. “Fucking shit’s only affecting one side. So you have this one small pupil and the other is blown so fucking wide open.” He’s got a large smile on his face and you lean away from him. 

It doesn’t make you feel any better, you curl inwards. He notices and his smile softens a bit.  
  
 “Sorry.” He says with a soft nudge. You look away.  
  
 “Hey look, I had only seen that happen once to someone else and…yeah…It’s a bit of an inside joke, sorry.” He says. You shrug a shoulder.  
  
 “Whatever.” You keep you voice as flat as you can.  
  
 “The normal one is a pretty by the way. It’s a nice color.” He hums and scoots back to his wall to give you space. You scoff and shake your head. You aren’t pretty, nothing about you is pretty.  
  
 “What? Can’t a guy fucking like red?” He asks. You don’t answer, focusing more on the loose thread on your shirt. You pick at it and wish you were not trapped. He hums and rests his head against the wall.

“I think it’s been an hour, and so far all I know is that you are a gay teen who hates the color pink, wants to fucking marry apple juice, and lives with a shitty brother.” He looks over at you.  
  
 “Yep. That’s basically it.” You shrug.  
  
 “Can I get your fucking name now? I’d like to know something to call you by other than ‘Strider’.”  
  
 “Dave.” You tell him after brief contemplation.  
  
 “Right. I thought it started with a ‘D’.”  
  
 “And you are?” You ask. You never really paid to much attention during role call in Chemistry, and you’ve never spoken with him at school before.  
  
 “I am the Goblin,” He says, wiggling his fingers. “All of this has been a part of your hallucination and I fucking hope you wake up soon. When you do,  just go ahead and look for some dipshit named Karkat Vantas.”  
  
 “Okay then _Goblin_.” You roll your eyes. _Karkat huh?_ It’s definitely not a boring name. The two of you sit in silence once  more and wonder how much longer you’ll be trapped in here.

“If we start to starve, I give you permission to eat me.” You joke.  
  
 “I am not putting you in my mouth, I barely fucking know you.” He apparently didn’t find it as funny as you did.  
  
 “I’m just sayin’.” You shrug. He opens his mouth to yell at you when the door squeaks open. A man standing outside gives the two of you a strange look and you stare back at him. He steps inside and heads over to the panel.  
  
 “You two going down?” he asks. You aren’t sure how to respond at first so you dumbly nod.  
  
 “Yeah, sure.” Karkat groans softly across from you, bringing a hand to his face. The man clicks a button and you all head back down to the lobby floor. When the man gets out, Karkat brings himself to his knees and gives you a look.  
  
 “So…I guess we weren’t stuck after all.” You say and he sighs.  
  
 “I am so _fucking_ stupid.” He says.  
  
 “Hey I didn’t know either, does that make me stupid?” You give him a small ironic pout. He heaves an irritated breath and angrily jabs at his floor number again.  
  
 “Let’s just go home.” He mumbles. You wait patiently for the elevator to reach the correct floor. You aren’t going to press your luck again with multiple buttons until he’s off. The doors finally creak to let him go, and he turns around to face you.  
  
 “So, I’ll see you around?”  
  
 “Yep,” You click your tongue. “Guess so.” You lean over to the panel and press the button for your floor. He gives you a slight wave before turning around and going down the hallway. You wave awkwardly at his turned back as the door slides shut.

            After one _long_ day you are finally make it to your front door. You unlock it and kick your shoes off at the entryway. You shut the door and announce your presence to the empty room. You shrug it off. Bro’s busy doing something you guess, throwing yourself onto the futon. You get yourself comfortable and stare at the blank screen of the television. Several moments pass while you try your best to organize your thoughts, eventually turning the TV on. You flip to some channel and watch some mindless shows. It’s not long before you’re head bobbing. You curl up on your side and decide that you deserve a quick nap. You close you eyes and sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	3. Gay Chicken Fajita Pita

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> -Some Sexual Conduct  
> -Cursing

      When you wake up you are starving, considering you skipped out on breakfast and lunch today it’s not too surprising. There’s nothing but greasy leftovers that probably have their own ecosystems by now in the fridge. Along with cold hard steel that Bro leaves in there for ‘ironic purposes’. You groan softly to yourself and get up, stretching tired muscles and popping joints.

“Bro I’m going out.” You call out to the probably still empty apartment. You slip on your shoes and head out to the elevator. Maybe you can be lucky and find something decent to eat in the vending machine down at the lobby. You go inside, tapping a beat on the floor of the elevator as you wait. The music emanating from the lone speaker is some slow jazz like tune that, on early mornings, would threaten to put you back to sleep. You are thankful when the doors slide open with a ding, and head for the only decently stocked vending machine in the complex. You spot a now familiar figure standing in front of it, giving it a criticizing look.  
  
 “They usually keep the chocolate stuff well stocked.” You tell him, chuckling softly.  
  
 “Do they?” Karkat asks, looking over his shoulder at you. You hum and nod, they’ve got to keep the ladies here happy you suppose.  
  
 “I think it’s getting too late for me to eat sweets,” he says, straightening himself out to face you properly. “I don’t know it all seems boring anyway. Plus for the same fucking price I could get something off the damn dollar menu.”  
  
 “Hey I’m down for that.” You say. Sure it’s greasy and you had wanted to avoid it, but you wanted to hang out with this budding friend of yours. He looks at you a bit surprised and nods slowly.   
  
 “Kankri is usually home by now, so I guess he got stuck at the office. So I am left alone, hungry, and bored. If you really want to join me across the street then yeah, go ahead.”

 “Then let’s go man.” You say, heading out to the lobby doors. He follows after you falling in step with your pace.

 “So I see you got home in one piece.” You hum, trying to start a conversation.  
  
 “And I see you got home at least somewhat sober.” He says.  
  
 “My bro wasn’t home either, managed to completely avoid that situation.” The two of you go to the edge of the sidewalk and wait for the light to change.  
  
   “Still, you seem more in touch with your senses now.” He says, stepping off the curb once it’s safe to go. You nod and step off after him.  
  
 “You were really gone when I first saw you today. It was kind of fucking embarrassing to say the least, as well as downright fucking pathetic. I already like you a lot more now that you’re sober.” He hops onto the next curb.  
  
 “At least someone does, even if they barely know me.”  
  
 “I hope it counts for something.” He looks over at you and you give him a half smile.  
  
 “…Thanks.” You say softly. He nudges you with his arm and smiles. It’s almost infectious, but you bite your cheek and shake your head. You push the door open and head in, holding it for him.  
  
 “And they say chivalry is dead,” he says as he walks in. “Thank you.” You hum and follow him over to the menu. You, having been a frequent visitor to this establishment, already know exactly what you want. You hop into the line and Karkat ushers you forward to give him more time to decide. When the next cashier is available you step over and place your order. As you pay Karkat gives the cashier next to you his order. You wait for him to finish, and he turns to you shortly after he pays.  
  
 “You want to eat here or would you rather I kidnap you?”  
  
 “Kidnap me,” You tell him. “I don’t feel like people watching.”

  
 “Good point.” He nods, taking his number. You follow him to a table to wait. He plops down into the seat across from you. You rest your hands on the table and before long you are drumming them to a beat on the surface. You can feel Karkat watching you and you start showing off a bit, flowing off into different beats. You tap your toes to the off-beat, freeing up some of the tapping from your fingers.

 "Well damn." Karkat says. Your concentration is broken and the beat falls to the trash.

 "What?"

 "You can keep like two beats." He says.

 "It's not that impressive. Bro could keep four if he really tried." You shrug.

 "Wow." He says softly, honestly impressed. You hum and the two of you sit in relative silence until your numbers are called.

 "Ready?" You ask as he takes his bag. He nods and you start leading the way back home. Karkat bumps against your shoulder and you give him a small smile. You hum a soft tune and you two enter the lobby.

 "So, your place right?" You ask as you call the elevator.

 "If you'd like."

 "Yeah. Better than sextoy central." You sigh.

 "I don't know sextoy central sounds interesting," He laughs. "Maybe for some other night. I'd much rather watch a movie or chat or some shit." He gets in the elevator when the doors open and you step in right behind him. He pushes the number for his floor and the two of you enjoy a much smoother ride than the last time. You can't help but feel a bit excited about going to his home. The metal doors open and you follow behind him. You notice his apartment is directly above yours. Who knows what he's heard from your guy's home. He unlocks the door and pushes it open for you.

 "Just leave your shoes by the front door," He says, kicking his own off. "Other than that make yourself at home." He goes and sets his food on the small coffee table in front of the couch. You do as your told and pull your shoes off. You close the door behind you and sit down on that couch. He heads into his kitchen and you can hear him pull open his fridge.

"Well it's your lucky day. We actually have some apple juice in here this week," He steps out to wiggle the bottle. "You want some or are you good with that drink?" He asks.

 "Fuck yeah, I'd like some." You say. He hums and goes back into the kitchen to make you a glass. You have a moment of child-like bliss and you wiggle slightly in excitement. He comes back and hands it over to you.

 "Damn, I have never seen a grown ass teen so excited to get his fucking apple juice. It's kind of cute, in a pathetic kind of way." He sits next to you and takes his bag.

 "Fuck off, it's the drink of the gods." You tell him.

 "If it were we wouldn't have it." He rolls his eyes and digs around in his bag for food.

 "They give it to us so that we may feel honored." You tell him as you retrieve your own food. He gives you a soft scoff.

"Uh-huh, sure they do." He unwraps his burger and takes a large bite. You make a face at him and nibble on your own fries. He rolls his eyes and hums. The food is greasy, you can feel it clogging your arteries, but damn does it taste good.

 "So what kind of movies do you like?" He asks you.

 "I don't get to see them a whole lot. Bro and I tend to talk over them anyway." You shrug.

 “Well what do you prefer then? Just whatever for background noise?”  
  
 “Pretty much, yeah.” You nod. He shrugs slightly and turns the TV onto some movie channel. You recognize a few scenes and get down to eating. You hum softly to yourself at the quality of the food and it’s taste. You lean and grab the glass of golden liquid and sip slowly at it, savoring the flavor. As you finish up the last bit of your burger, Karkat is eating the last bit of fries he has left. The two of you get comfortable on the couch, full and satisfied. He chugs his drink and shoves his trash into one bag, you moving your stuff into his as well. You lean back and give the movie playing a bit more attention. Karkat leans against you slightly, occasionally glancing your way. You pretend not to notice and do your best to not get louder than a murmur while heckling the movie. When he gives you the tenth or twentieth look, _more like sixteen but it’s not like you’re keeping track_ , of the hour you look over at him. He tries to play it off but there’s no way of saving it. You blow him a little kiss and he sticks his tongue out at you. You chuckle lightly.  
  
 “Not on the first date Karkat.” You tease.  
  
 “Oh, so this is a date now?” He raises an eyebrow.  
  
 “Is it?”  
  
 “Well let’s see. You didn’t ask me out, you didn’t pay for my dinner, and I am just getting to know you. So no. Maybe next time, if you’re worthy enough though.” He says. You smile at him.  
  
 “Sure thing Karbabe.” He rolls his eyes at you. You snicker and go back to watching the TV, glancing his way to gauge his reactions to parts of the movie. You catch him smiling softly at the obligatory romance scene when you decide you really like that smile. He pulls his legs to his chest and you lean against him, stretching out your own and relaxing. When you glance over at him, he’s smirking at you.  
  
 “Shut up.” You murmur.  
  
 “I haven’t said anything.”  
  
 “You were thinking it.”  
  
 “Oh? What was I thinking oh glorious one?” He says, giving you a look.  
  
 “Something along the lines of ‘hot damn, he is cute as fuck’.” You stick your tongue out at him. He shakes his head.

 “If I thought that, I would’ve already made it fucking clear.”

 “Oh really?” You ask.  
  
 “If I were interested, what good would it do me to beat around the goddamn proverbial bush?” He says.  
  
 “None I guess.” You shrug.  
  
 “Exactly,” he turns back to the TV. “But yeah, you’re kinda cute, for a blonde I guess.” You make a face at him to ignore the way it makes you feel. He shakes his head and the two of you go back to watching the next movie playing. It’s some boring documentary about birds or the hierarchy or something, you don’t really know. The moment the monotonous narrators started talking you tuned it all out. By the time you’ve memorized the layout of items in his home you are bored beyond belief. You lean over and run your tongue along his ear. He gasps and shivers before turning to glare at you.

 “The fuck was that for?”

 “I was honestly expecting more of an ‘eww you fucker!’ than an ‘oh fuck yes, take me now!’ reaction.” You tell him honestly. He turns a nice shade of red smacks your arm.

 “Fuck you.” He grumbles. You laugh and he shoves harshly at your shoulder. He crosses his arms and glowers at the television.

 “Aw come on crabcake, I’m sorry.” You say. He rolls his eyes.  
  
 “Just shut up before I try to get you back.” He scowls.

 “I’d like to see you try.”

 “Fine,” _Wait, what._ “Let me know when you’ve had enough.” He says, moving onto your lap and straddling your hips. You tell yourself not to flip your shit, even though flipping your shit seems like a tempting thing to do. You wiggle your eyebrows though, hoping he doesn’t notice the shit on the verge of flipping. _It’ll be like a game of gay chicken._ He retaliates by grabbing a fistful of your hair and tugging it back, and if that hadn’t been enough to excite you, he leans in and nips along the front of your neck. You sigh softly because _fuck that feels nice_ , as he presses soft little kisses along a side of your neck. He gives your pulse point a hard bite and you chew on your lip to stifle the moan that wants out. He makes sure to bite at another spot along your neck and you tilt your head to give him more room to do so.

  
  
 “Shit…” You curse softly as he continues to maul your neck. You are more okay with this than you ought to be and _oh fuck that’s his hips pressing down against yours._ You’ve been doing your best to behave yourself by keeping your hands down by your sides and letting him have his fun, but when he gives you another harsh bite by your neck and shoulder you groan and give in. You run your hands up along his outer thighs and scratch at his jeans whens he licks at the new mark left behind. He nips at your earlobe and you offer him a few soft curses. You run your hands up along his shirt and he gives you a final nip to your ear before leaning back. You whine a bit pathetically, but don’t fight him as he gets up off your lap.

 “Enjoy that.” He says patting your thigh and picking up the trash on the table. He disappears into the kitchen and you sit on the couch, accepting your bonerific fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can bonerific be a word? I think it could be.
> 
> There's a tumblr for this, I'll be trying to post art, progress of next chapters, answer any questions, as well as mirror it over there:  
> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com


	4. I Want To Know What Love Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings:  
> -Mentions of Eye sex  
> -Suggestive rape  
> -Mentions of being tied up  
> -Kankri Vantas

When he comes back you flip him off and try to kill the uninvited guest in this party. Karkat laughs and you glare harshly at him.

 “Fucker.” You mumble. You’re not exactly mad at him; you did basically ask him for it.

 “No, a fucker would’ve actually fucked you,” He says flopping gracefully onto the couch. “I only played with you for a little bit.”

 “Given the context of that, I’d still call you a fucker.”

 “Hey, you played and didn’t ask me to stop.” Karkat nudges you softly and you pout.

 “I was havin’ fun.” You say. It’s the truth and you hadn’t exactly meant to say it, but the blush that spreads out from his cheeks makes it worth it.

 “Well then I must’ve done something fucking wrong. I was aiming it to be more of a goddamn punishment, not something for you to jack off to in the dead of night.” He puffs out his cheeks.

 “Save the power play dynamics for after the third date.” You joke.

 “Maybe for you that’s acceptable. But for me something like that comes after at least a year of dating.” He shrugs and sits back. You nod your head, you could respect that.

 “That’s usually why they all leave…” He mumbles softly, almost to himself.

 “You at least have some self-respect yo. That’s a good thing. Hell not everyone has that.” You say, and honestly you hope he knows that deep down.

 “Says the guy I just climbed off of.”

 “You know what I mean.” You say. He sighs and you grunt in response. Nothing like caveman talk to keep a conversation going.

 “Sorry I’m talking too much. You’re pretty easy to talk to.” Karkat shrugs.

 “I’ve heard worse shit before, no reason to apologize.” You say. Your hard on has finally quieted down, all this talk probably boring the poor thing.  
  
 “Like what?” He asks.

 “Well…” You hum, thinking back. “I had one friend who told me she would totally have sex with my eyes.”

 “That sounds rather dangerous and really fucking painful.” Karkat says with a concerned look.

 “She was kinky in all the ways I wasn’t entirely into.” You laugh weakly. He nods and hums, probably thinking of something else just as weird.

 “I think the weirdest thing that someone ever admitted to me was…well I think they had been wanting it to sound sexy or some other asinine bullshit, but all it had ended with was my fist into his face and leaving that party early.”

 “Shit man.” You say. You make a mental note to not piss him off in the future unless you were looking for a throw down.

 “I can’t exactly blame them; I mean they were pretty shitfaced.”

 “That’s no excuse really.” You say and he shrugs.

 “It’s how it is.”

 “What did he say?” You ask.

 “Something about tying me up, which I guess is fine. But then he continued with explicit detail about what he would do with me and continued to follow me around the damn party. His fucking excuse was, ‘I know your body wants it even though your pretty lips say no.’.” He glares at the TV, jaw clenched tight. You nod in response. No one deserves to be treated like that. Whoever he had decked fully needed it to set his head on right.

 “Well that guy’s a huge dick.” You say.

 “Broke things off with him the next day.” He says softly glancing over at you.

 “He deserved far worse.” You tell him. He shakes his head.

 “I got back together with him the following week,” he mumbles. “I went through a really bad phase of having shitty relationships with fucking awful people.” He makes a face at himself.

 “But he’s out of your life now, right?” You ask concerned.

 “…Is it bad that I still miss him? Well wait…Missing him isn’t exactly the phrase I should be using. It’s more of missing the idea of having another person in my life like that.” He sighs and picks at his fingers. You aren’t quite sure of what to say, and you try to think of a response.

 “It’s like not even him or what he was. Just the idea of being in a relationship with someone who actually gave two shits about me.” He adds. You rest your head on his shoulder, letting him speak and get this all out before you say anything.

 “I honestly don’t think I’ve ever actually been in love with another person before.” He rests his head on top of yours.

 “Well that can’t be good for relationships.” You murmur.

 “It isn’t. It’s probably another reason all of the relationships I’ve had all crashed and burned in an explosive fucking heap,” He pauses to nudge at you softly. “What about you?” He asks.

 “What about me?”

 “Have you ever been in love? Ever had a partner?” He tilts his head slight to you to give you more attention.

 “Love? Yeah, more than once, hell I tried to confess like twice. Got rejected because of ‘But we’re both guys, that’s gross’ type bullshit.” You roll your eyes.

 “You know, I get being told no, but telling the other its gross?” He shakes his head.

 “I managed to have a boyfriend, granted is was for about three days. I still had one.”

 “Oh? Just three days? What happened there?” He asks raising his eyebrow.  
  
 “A really good friend of mine was questioning his sexuality, I told him I’d help him out.”

 “Did you like him?”

 “He’s cute, so there was some attraction.” You hum thoughtfully.

 “But did you have romantic feelings towards him?”

 “Some but it wasn’t that important.” You shrug. The two of you rest in silence for a moment.

 “I had a girlfriend. She’d bite me hard enough to draw blood. She’d do it every single time.” Karkat says, breaking the silence. It sounded a lot like a person you knew.

 “Was it a girl named Terezi?” You ask. He snorts in laughter.

 “You know her?”

 “Yeah man, she’s chill. She’s the one who wanted to, yknow, with my eyes.” You gesture. He makes a face in response.

 “That explains quite a _lot_.” He says. You nod in agreement.

 “My relationship with her was, to be fucking honest, somewhat violent. Not like throwing dishes or shit like that but more like hair pulling and rough nudges. It’s how she is I guess, but with where I come from…” He pauses and shakes his head. “I flinch at high-fives.” He mumbles softly. You make a mental note to not offer him those or fist bumps unless it’s done slowly and down low where he can see it. You shift against his side and get more comfortable.

 “So acid huh? How was your trip?” He asks.

 “It was kinda…melty?” You say, unsure of how exactly to explain it. “Everything felt slightly like a liquid and there was sound colors and lava floors.” He laughs slightly.

 “And goblins?”

 “Just one.” You smirk over at him.

 “Ah yes, one goblin with as you so eloquently had put it ‘A great ass’.” He mimics you. It’s a bit too nasally, and he adds more of a southern twang to it than you actually have. It makes you laugh softly and he joins snickers as well.

 “Well it is a great ass.” You tell him.

 “It’s just an ass.” He says, trying to look over his shoulder at it. It’d be easier is he stood up or went to a mirror, but you get the feeling he doesn’t care for what’s easier or harder.

 “Bro makes some pretty plush rumps. I should know one when I see one.” You shrug. He hums.

 “I don’t see it but whatever, if you say so.” You wiggle your eyebrows at him and he gives you a questioning look.

 “ _Butt_ whatever, if you say so.” You chuckle.

 “Oh fuck you.” He rolls his eyes and shoves at your shoulder.

 “You said it not me.” You hold your hands up.

 “I said ‘but’ not ‘butt’ and you know it, so _butt off_.” He glares at you softly. You snicker and smile when he sighs and shakes his head. Karkat changes the TV channel and leans against you this time. You hum softly and watch how shit gets made. You still glance over at him every now and then, looking him over more studiously. He’s got brown hair that smells nice, warm skin, and a slight upturn to his nose. _Fuck that’s kinda cute_ you think to yourself. After about two episodes or so, you aren’t sure, you were busy trying to count the very light freckles that dusts his cheeks, he sits up and looks over at the door. You can also hear the slight sound of a key sliding into the lock of the doorknob.

 “It’s unlocked!” Karkat yells at the door, not moving from where he is. The door swings open at that, and a young man in a nice suit stands in the doorway, retrieving his key from the knob. You are suddenly struck with three times the amount of nervousness than you thought you would have upon meeting his brother. It’s almost like meeting John’s dad all over again, but for some reason much more intense. When he steps in he looks up and finally sees you.

 “Oh. You didn’t tell me you’d be having a friend over Karkat,” He says, walking over to you. “Hello.” He offers you his hand once he is close enough and smiles at you.

 “I thought I sent you a message…” Karkat mumbles, checking his phone. You carefully take the other man’s hand.

 “Dave.” You tell him. He shakes your hand.

 “It is a pleasure to meet you Dave, I am Kankri.” He says. _Right. Kankri. Karkat had mentioned his name earlier._ You let go of Kankri’s hand and nod. Karkat puts his phone back from where ever it came from and wraps his arms around your shoulders. It briefly throws you off, but you roll with it.

 “So hey, I found him out in the rain. Can I keep him? I promise to feed him and clean up after him.” He says, resting his chin on top of your head.

 “Well he is decent looking. He’s not a dragon, or a hippie, or a dragon, or cyber hacker…or a dragon.” Kankri says, looking you over. He must really hate those glorious giant winged lizards. Or he doesn’t particularly like Terezi. You think it’s most likely Terezi.

 “Woof.” Is your reply, he seems like a guy who might possibly favor dogs. Kankri smiles softly.

 “Well, I don’t see why not. Will he be staying the night here tonight?” He asks, setting his suit jacket aside. Karkat shrugs and looks over at you.

 “Are you?”

 “If I can, that’d be great.” You say. You really don’t want to go back to the empty apartment downstairs and most likely stay up until Bro comes home at god knows what time, _if he even comes back tonight_.

 “It’s fine by me. Just don’t make too much noise, I have work tomorrow.” Kankri says, looking over at Karkat.

 “I thought you said you had the day off tomorrow.” Karkat groans softly.

 “I traded schedules with a friend.” Kankri says.

 “It was that girl again wasn’t it? She’s such a fucking slacker Kan.”

 “Of course it wasn’t, and don’t insult her like that. She’s going through a difficult time right now.”

 “Then it was the girl in the third cubical from the left? The one with the boob job, shitty books, and glasses?” Karkat says.

 “Oh go to bed.” Kankri huffs, moving to the kitchen. Karkat flips him off and Kankri happens to glance back and catch it. He makes a face at Karkat and resumes his course. You chuckle lightly to yourself, _they’re definitely brothers_. You let them continue to bicker and send a message to Bro, being courteous unlike his ass, telling him you were going to be elsewhere tonight.

 “Let me know if he stays alright?” Kankri says, walking to the hallway with some leftover food thing that you can’t discern from here. Karkat nods and then looks over at you.

 “Are you? Or…well do you want to?”

 “I’d like to, yeah.” You say looking back up at him after Bro texts you back saying ‘ _dont have too much fun ;)_ ’.

 “Great.” He says with a small smile. _God that smile_ _will be the death of you_ and you don’t know why. You tuck your phone back into your pocket. Karkat stretches his arms and back.

 “Well I don’t know about you but I’m already tired. Do you mind sharing a small bed or should I go track down the damn sleeping mat for the princess?” He asks.

 “As tempting as it is to be the princess in this place, you should probably decide where to put me based on your own comfort levels. I am a cuddly person while asleep and if you are okay with me potentially being all up on your grill at night then yeah I’ll share a bed with you.” You say.

 “Bed it is,” He shrugs. “I don’t really give a fuck about that. Gamzee does it all the time.”

 “A’ight then.” You say. You hope he doesn’t catch the slight wiggle you do out of joy. It looks like Gamzee really is good for more than just drugs. Karkat stands up.

 “I’ll show you to my room then.” He says, waiting on you.

 “Lead the way then M’lord.” You hop up onto your feet. He rolls his eyes and leads you deeper into the apartment and down into a hallway. Since the layout is the same as the one that you have, you assume that his bedroom is the door that is in front of you, the one down the hall to your left being the bathroom and the one to the right being Kankri’s. Karkat tells you to wait where you are and goes down to the left. He knocks softly on the door, and you scoot closer that way to catch what they say in hushed tones.

 “He’s staying.” Karkat tells Kankri, who is leaning out of his door.

 “Just a friend, correct?” Kankri asks, glancing over at you.

 “Yeah, just a friend.” Karkat replies. Kankri regards you again for a moment, thinking about something you guess.

 “Well, good night then boys.” He says at last, stepping back into his room and shutting the door. Karkat grumbles something under his breath and makes his way back over to you. He flings his door open and you take a cautious step in. You are made aware of the differences between your room and his as Karkat sighs and flops down onto his bed. You examine a few open textbooks on his desk, as well as the small DVD pile next to it.

 “You need to borrow anything before bed?” He asks with a tired voice. “I think my shit will be too small but I have a few things of Gamzee’s somewhere.” He rubs his eyes.

 “Nah, I’ll be fine.” You tell him. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve passed out in the clothes you’d been wearing all day, nor would it be your first time falling asleep in jeans. Besides, wearing Gamzee’s clothes would probably bother you enough to keep you awake. Karkat hums in response.

 “Alright, I’m going to at least change though.” He says, hopping off of his bed and picking up a pair of discarded pants and t-shirt. He signals for you to turn around and you do so. It’s not like he has anything you don’t but hey, to each their own right? You don’t have room to talk anyway; he’s probably self-conscious about his body like you are. You can hear his clothes crumple to the floor and you stare at his door and wonder if he’s ever had it removed like yours had in an act of punishment for slamming it shut and locking it on Bro. Karkat’s bed creaks softly under his weight.

 “Alright, I’m decent.” He says. You turn back around and climb up onto his ridiculously soft and cozy bed. He scoots over to the wall to give you some space to sleep. You thank him by setting your shades on the bedside table.

 “Get the lamp?” He asks. Since you _are_ right there, it’d be a bit too mean to simply leave it on and tell him to do it. You nod and spin that stupid as shit knob that is always such a hassle. When it finally clicks off, Karkat is laughing softly. You flip him off in the darkness, even though he probably can’t even see it. You roll over onto your side and wait for your eyes to readjust. You eventually make out his form wrapped up in a small section of the blanket. You scoot closer to him and slowly snake an arm around his ribs.

 “I thought you had been joking about the cuddles.” Karkat says shifting a bit closer so you aren’t pushing him into the wall.

 “I’m sorry, I warned you though bro.” You mumble into his neck.

 “Don’t be. Like I told you, I’m used to it.” He yawns and turns over to his other side, facing you now. You hum a soft tune you had heard before, but can’t quite remember where or what song it was. He rests his head on your chest and you absentmindedly run your fingers through his hair until he falls asleep. Your thoughts keep you up for awhile longer, overthinking minor things and contemplating the fragility of human life. You think you may have begun to come up with a breakthrough when you finally pass out too, joining Karkat in the realm of slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	5. A Smile On Your Lips and Cuts On Your Hips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Cutting  
> -Mentions of Cutting  
> -Drugs  
> -Mentions of Drug Abuse  
> -Suicidal Thoughts

             Everything feels vague and you go through the motions of your average school day. You aren’t sure when it happens but the people around you start whispering louder, tug at your arms and hair and at your shirt. They point at you and isolate you from the friends you have, they surround you and push and push and push until you scream loudly at them. You scream and shove them out of your way and you find yourself glaring at your own face in the bathroom mirror at your home. You duck your head and stare at the white knuckles of your hands as the grip the sink.

            You are sick and tired of others thinking that they can control you. You are fucking done with the people who feel it is their damn job to point out every single flaw, mistake, every wrong in your life. You already fucking know! You aren’t blind; you don’t need their constant reminders shoved in your face. You are not the luckiest kid, you aren’t the most talented, you aren’t the brightest, nor are you the strongest. You swear that everyone and their damn gram-gram made some fucking pact to beat you down, make you vulnerable, strip you of what little you have to protect yourself, and bring their fists down hard against your skin and muscle and bone.

            You are so sick of it, you don’t know how many times you’ve kicked and fought and screamed and begged for them to stop. You are sick of people hurting you. They have no fucking right, not a single one! If someone is going to hurt you it should only be _you_. No one else, _not a single fucking person_ , should be allowed to lay a finger on you in such ways. Hell any way that you don’t approve of. No one should touch you!

            You are sick of it all. You’re heart is racing, your breaths hard and shaking, your mind quickly flitting over thoughts that you know you shouldn’t even be thinking. Thoughts that shouldn’t be in there, no one has thoughts like that. You are honestly, starting to scare a part of yourself because you know this isn’t how you should be thinking, but that voice is just so quiet compared to the loud cries of the other thoughts. They are louder, more demanding, threatening even. More so than those assholes who laugh at your every attempt at anything, those who write you off as being pathetic. _End it all, just fucking do it you coward._

You tug at your hair and scratch harshly at your own arms. You just want to feel, feel some sort of relief. You want the pain to come out of you. You don’t want anything to do with the feelings buried inside of you. The ache in your chest, the pain that comes with each breath, each beat of your heart, you want it out. You want it all out. It tries to escape in the form of tears swelling up in your eyes, but you don’t allow them to fall. You can’t let them, you just won’t. It’s what they all want too! They want to see you cry behind the tinted glass, they want to see you break under their grip.  You won’t give them that satisfaction  
  
  
  
            You look up; see that fucking face of yours in the mirror. You scream at your own reflection, you hate it, hate how it looks back at you. You swing the cabinet door open, slamming it against the other side. A dumb fucking Tantō that Bro shoved in there with various other smaller blades, falls down and slices your arm open. You hiss at the sting of it but damn it, it felt so good. It’s not pleasurable but for a moment it silenced some of the thoughts crowding your mind.

            You pick up the small blade again, staring briefly at the blood on the metal, and without thinking too much about it you press it into your skin. You make another small cut. Shit stings and hurts more than the accidental cut, but you grit your teeth and drag it across your skin again. It isn’t even going in that deep but something inside of you feels in control at last. You are the one in control here; you’re only hurting because you are causing it, allowing it to happen. Your hand gets too shaky and that small voice in the back of your head is begging you to stop fooling around with this kind of stuff. You barely remember to rinse the blood out of the sink and blade before stuffing it back where it belongs. If you had no self-control, you think you would’ve left with one less arm.

            Instead you go to your room and flop onto your bed. You aren’t too sure what it is you’re even feeling anymore, but you are much calmer now. To think that all it took was a few cuts along your outer wrist. You should’ve tried it sooner…not that you are going to do it again. Right? _Look how much calmer you are though_. It doesn’t even hurt that bad anymore either. You hold your arm out and look at the thin cuts; they’re not even really that bad. You know that some people do this sort of thing when they have issues and maybe earlier you had thought they were stupid, but now, you feel like you might just understand. You aren’t sure though, you honestly feel a bit guilty for doing this. Like it shouldn’t have been something you did, or that is shouldn’t have felt that nice. Your stomach churns slightly it really had felt good.

            You are Dave Strider and you are now suddenly wide-awake. You just remembered that first time you…you clutch tightly at the fabric in your hands. You are still trembling slightly, trying to calm your breathing down. You bury your face into Karkat’s hair and listen to him. You match his slow inhale and exhale, hoping that you didn’t squeeze the life out of him. You lay there like that until you finally feel safe enough to let go and untangle your limbs. You sit up, rubbing your tired face, catching the look of the small scars now there. You tug your sleeve down over them and dig your nails along your thigh. The bite of the nails is a pleasant reminder that you are not only awake but alive as well. You want to get up but at the same time you want to stay and maybe go back to sleep. A part of you really would like to cuddle Karkat until you feel more okay with yourself at the moment. In the end you sit there waiting for him to wake up though, to distract you from the horrible thoughts and feelings that the memory had dredged up.

 “What time izzit?” Karkat mumbles from your side.

 “I-It’s uh…” You look for the clock and curse how shaky your voice is. “It’s 9:30.” He groans and scoots closer to you.

 “Look at that I’m up before noon.” You laugh weakly. He grumbles something and you stare at the wall. You run your fingers through his hair absentmindedly.

 “Why the fuck _are_ you up?” He asks, humming softly. You shrug in response, it’s not something you want to share with him at this moment. Karkat makes a soft sound and sits up rubbing his own eyes. You reach over to the nightstand and pull on your shades. You watch from behind the dark lenses how he stretches his back and arms, the soft moan he lets out from his back popping. Normally you would’ve cracked some sort of joke, but you don’t have the energy to try. With a soft sigh he crawls out of bed and gives the door a slight glare. You grip his sheets tightly, grounding yourself again before pushing yourself onto your legs. You are still a bit shaky upon them and he looks over at you.

 “Hey, are you alright?” Karkat asks.

 “Yep. Totally.” You nod.

 “…Yeah, Totally. _Not_. What’s up?”

 “Nothin’.” You say, running a hand through your hair.

 “Is there like, any medications you needed this morning?” He asks in a serious tone. You shake your head.

 “Nothing legal at least.” You say a bit too loudly. It’s unfortunately true, in cases of bad dreams that leave you feeling like shit, you’d take a few hits maybe pop a few pills that weren’t yours. It would clear your head and make it easier to ignore them. He gives you a look and sits back down on the bed.

 “So drugs are a constant thing for you? I mean you _did_ try acid…I doubt anyone goes for that fucking shit first.”

 “Nobody said I was smart.” You shrug slightly.

 “I didn’t say your were dumb either.” He pats the spot next to him.

 “I’m pretty sure that drugs are a hella stupid thing to fucking be doing.” You sigh and sit next to him.

 “I never said that they weren’t either. Just because you get that toxic shit in your system doesn’t make you dumb. Sure, it’s a really _really_ fucking idiotic thing to do and a really bad way to try and get rid of your issues. That doesn’t mean I’m going to look down at you and go ‘Oh no, what a bad example of a friend.’ No.” He looks over at you. You stare silently at your hands.

 “If you think it’s dumb of you to be doing it, then don’t you think you should be changing for yourself then? You can’t be regretting shit you do like that, especially since we’re this young. I will tell you that you _are_ wasting good braincells that you probably _do_ need still.” He continues. You laugh weakly.

 “Right. Puttin’ holes into my brain.” You flop down onto your back and stare at his ceiling. You feel his eyes on you and it makes your skin crawl.

 “Hey, I’m not going to try and convince you that doing shit like that is bad, you already know that. Hell, the way you just said it makes it seem like you’re unhappy about it. I’ve been friends with Gamzee for years and I know he doesn’t talk about it that way. He at least has his fucking green card too. Besides that, the only actual thing he’s ever done is that shitbagel from last time with you.” Karkat rambles. He is a long-winded motherfucker when he wants to be.

 “Considering my list of vices, drugs are the thing that is going to kill me the slowest.” You sigh.

 “Is that so?”

 “It’s not the best alternative for what I do, but I’m relatively okay with that…” You hum.

 “Okay with what? Dying? Cause you know, that’s sort of what it seems like you’re saying, and that’s really fucking sad,” He nudges you softly. “You have to live you know, not just wait to die. That’s what makes this thing called life so sad, it’s already depressing, why try and help it be even more so?”

 “I’m not.” You counter.

 “Then?”

 “…I don’t know.” You bite the inside of your lip.

 “Well, what _do_ you know?” He asks.

 “That the teachers at school are fucking blind and security guards would be more terrifying if they had drug dogs because I would’ve been expelled months ago. I mean hell; I’m probably about three fights away from being expelled anyway. And if I show up with questionable cuts or bruises again they’ll call Bro and he’ll get himself involved. Which trust me is the last thing I fucking want.” You blow your bangs out of your face.

 “Does knowing this shit make you comfortable? Like do you go ‘Oh yeah, this is how it is, oh well’? I’d personally feel like fucking shit like that. Getting up, going to school, and if I see a cop with a dog flip my shit internally.” He raises an eyebrow.

 “It’s the consequences of my life choices.” You shrug. He sighs and shakes his head.

 “You know, it’s kind of funny. Not your situation but like…I use to worry a lot about the cops at school ‘cause I had to be carrying shit on me to hide it, even at the fucking school,” He stares up at the ceiling. “To this day, I feel like I’m going to be asked to step aside and somehow have shit on me that came out of nowhere…” He mumbles.

 “So…you were a mule then?”

 “Oh wow, you sure know how to make someone feel good by labeling them…but yeah. That’s one thing to call me.” Karkat sighs, lying down next to you.

 “Sorry.” You murmur.

 “It’s fine. It’s ‘the consequences of my life choices’.” He says, looking over at you. You ignore the jab and his stares.

 “How’d you even get involved in that?”

 “I was practically born into it. Well technically, grew up into it I guess is more accurate. There was no running away from it. It was my home; it’s how I got my meals. If dad made deals and sold we ate and if he didn’t then…” He looks away, jaw flexing.

 “…Bad shit would happen.” You supply. He sighs softly.

 “Yeah. He’d find one way or another to get the money. I…I would much rather help him sell that shit. I wanted him to. There was a time, I would pray he would sell it all in one day and not have to worry about it for the week.”

 “Shit must’ve been hard.” You say, shuffling closer to him.

 “Shit was hard. Shit was fucking hard. Not even goddamn laxatives would have made that shit any easier.” He rolls his eyes. You manage a small laugh, and he sighs.

 “And here I thought I was given the short end of the stick.” You say.

 “There’s more than one stick Dave. You can’t compare yourself to anyone else, that’s how you end up judging people. You’re no better than anyone else but you’re also no less. We all have our issues and you can’t compare it to anyone else’s because you’re not anyone else. You’re you.” He tells you, looking back over at you.

 “…I don’t want to be me…” You say softly.

 “You’re allowed to change you know, you’re allowed to grow.”

 “But I’d still be me, a person I want nothing to do with. I don’t even know if it’s because of the tailspin my life is doing anymore either.” You glance over at him.

 “You know, if I were the same damn person I was three years ago, I can bet you I would not be sitting here with you. _I_ wanted nothing to do with that person and look,” He sits up and gestures to himself. “No bruises, no drugs on my person, I’m not hiding. I know I can’t compare you to me, and I’m not, but hear me out. You can do it, whatever it is you want out of yourself. You’re not going to be able to crawl out of your own skin and switch roles with someone else.”

 “It’s just…too hard…” You cover your face with your arms.

 “You’re stuck being you, you can change and learn and grow, but you have to work for it. There’s no excuse.”

 “I’ve tried and I only got worse.” Comes your muffled reply.

 “Then you’ve tried the wrong things. There’s no escape from it, there really isn’t. There’s no emergency exit that works. No one is going to swoop in and save you like Superman. But you can get help; you’re allowed to have help. Fucking ask for it when you need it, no one is going to save you if you tell them you’re fine.” He shakes his head and sighs. You bite down hard on your lip; _fuck he shouldn’t be able to break you so fast._

 “And it’s not about being saved either, help yourself as well. It’s a tricky concept really…” He gently pulls at your arms. When your face stares back up at his, Karkat offers you his hand. You hesitantly place your hand on top of his and he holds it like it’ll shatter.

 “I’ll help you, if that’s what you’d like. If change is something you _want_ to do, I’m here. But you have to want it. You’ll probably end up hating me but I’m not going to walk out on you if you’re not where you want to be. Okay?” He looks the best he can into your eyes. You pause and have a slight internal battle over this. On one hand, you’d be opening up a wound you don’t particularly want to touch and Karkat would know every little thing about you. He would learn all the things that make you tick and you aren’t sure if you want that. On the other, it’d be nice to actually confide in someone who won’t accidentally babble to the whole school, to tell someone and not have them analyze every little detail, to tell someone and have them not be a complete douchebag back at you, it would be a nice change. You nod in agreement slowly; you’ll try and put your trust in him. He breathes a sigh of relief.

 “So tell me, where do you want to be? Let’s um…let’s start small.” He says, pulling you upright.

 “Not here that’s for sure.” You say.

 “Well where is ‘here’?” He asks, scooting closer to you. “Just go ahead and be honest with me. Share what you think I should know if I’m going to be helping you. I’ll be your guide out of here, if you’re my guide in here.” He taps your temple and then your chest. You can’t help but smile slightly.

 “That’s cheesy miss Disney princess Karkat.”

 “Oh fuck you.” He chuckles, and a small laugh bubbles up past your lips to join his.

 “I know, okay, maybe the romcoms got to me. Just…I know I probably have no say, I don’t know you that well.” He pauses.

 “Go ahead.” You motion.

 “So far I know you hate pink, love apple juice, live with your ninja bro, have chemistry class with me and are failing miserably, like to buy shit from Gamz, like to cuddle, aren’t straight, had a boyfriend and you want out of here.” He counts off on each finger. It’s not even a whole lot, you feel like you should share a bit more with him if he wants to help.

 “It’s very little compare to well,” He gestures to the rest of you. “And you’re probably even thinking ‘Oh well, what benefit is it to help me?’ and to be honest, I don’t even really see one. I just…y’know…” He trails off.

 “Pity me.” You say a bit tensely. Of course it’s pity, why wouldn’t it be. You ignore the way your stomach knots up.

 “I can’t see you like this and it’s not about looking the other way and ignoring you. I guess pity is one way to put it and I know it’s not something you want from me. I know it would be the last thing _I’d_ want from you. So, instead of my pity, I’m trying to offer you my help, however it is you need it. If that um, makes sense?” He fidgets slightly.

 “Not really, but whatever, I’ll live.” You sigh. You can learn to live with it you guess. Karkat bites his lip and you watch the way he plays with his hands.

 “I just…No one deserves this. No one deserves to feel so lost inside themselves. Look, okay, just ignore me. I’m not making any sense.” He shakes his head and stands back up. You look up at him when he turns back to you.

 “Let’s just get some food, and you can go ahead and try and tell me what you want to do today. I don’t know, share your story with me, talk about shit you think is going to help me help you help yourself. What do you say?” He offers up his hand again. You look at it and the decision comes much faster this time around.

 “I can try…but I make no promises.” 

 “And I can promise you to try. So, hopefully we’ll get there. If not, there’s nothing wrong with starting again.” He says with a reassuring smile.

 “Okay…” You nod. You take his hand and he pulls you upright.

 “…You have soft hands.” The words tumble out of your mouth without thinking.

 “Better to hold yours with, I guess.” He says softly. The two of you look at each other, for a moment, you think there is some feeling there, and you aren’t sure if you want to commit yourself to it. He clears his throat and looks away.

 “Um yeah, you know, uh, figuratively.” He drops your hand and quickly shuffles out of the room. You follow him into his kitchen.

 “I’m fucking swooning over here.”

 “Shut up!” He laughs and shakes his head. He checks the fridge for what is available.

 “I’m not your Romeo to your Juliet, this is not that kind of story.” He adds, closing the door and looking into cabinets.

 “We’re obviously Benvolio and Mercutio.” You say.

 “Just keep your thumb out of your mouth and we’ll be good. Now, what do you want for breakfast?”

 “I don’t know. I usually skip breakfast.” _Sometimes lunch and dinner depending on how bad it is_ ,not that you tell him that.

 “Fine. Eggs with a side of backstory it is.” He huffs and crosses his arms.

 “Delicious.” You say sarcastically.

 “Very.” He shoots back at you. You sigh. It’s going to be a long morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	6. Give Up the Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Mentions of Drug Abuse  
> -Drugs  
> -Mentions of Cutting/Self-harm

            Karkat starts getting stuff out of the fridge and preps the eggs he’s going to make for the two of you. You hop up on the counter and watch for a few seconds. He putts around quietly, cracking eggshells and dropping the egg portion into the fry pan. You’re slightly jealous, you can’t cook to save your life and Bro can only make pancakes from scratch. You puff out your cheeks and lean back some.

 “So my life story huh?” you say quietly. He nods and watches the food closely.

 “Where to even start…Let’s just start with the drug usage. Maybe if I get clean, everything else will be easier.” You sigh and stare at the containers on top of his fridge.

 “It goes a little like this…”

            Your bro has a bad habit of holding onto the drugs his gang members needed to hide. He’d put it in the same place every single time. In fact, when he caught you watching him put it away one time, he told you that if you touched the shit inside he’d “Cut off your hands, then what ya gonna do with your life”. That day when you first took from that fucking drawer, you had been having a really shitty day. You decided to say, “Fuck it” and looked at what he had. _Besides,_ _you needed to stop cutting anyway_. (You don’t tell Karkat about that though, he doesn’t need to know about it just yet.)

            Since then, you’ve been using. You avoided the fuck out of things that required needles, because you don’t do needles. _Fuck needles_. You take various drugs to make you stop thinking, to help you sleep at night, to keep you awake at school, make you focus more, make you feel better, hell sometimes it’d be for the fun of it. And you’ll sit on the futon at home and hope to whatever god above there is that Bro doesn’t notice that you’re higher than a fucking kite. You hope he can’t smell it on you or your clothes or in your room.

 “I can’t even talk to him about it…I’d be such a fucking disappointment to him. I promised him that I wouldn’t drop out of school, I promised not to touch the fucking shit in the drawer. I promised that I wouldn’t…” _Hurt yourself intentionally._ You bite your lip. Karkat looks over at you, and you curl into yourself slightly.

 “I broke almost every single promise…and I’m barely fucking getting through school…” You say, ignoring the slight waver to your voice.

“Think you can keep one other promise? Just one more for now?” Karkat asks.

 “…I can try.”

 “Alright.” He says, walking towards the other end of the kitchen. You watch him dig around in a drawer and pick something up. He walks back over to you and picks up your right hand.

 “Here,” He says slipping a bracelet over your hand and onto your skinny wrist. “Promise me you’ll keep this on.” You look down at it. It’s nothing too fancy, just a braided rope bracelet. You raise an eyebrow and giving him a questioning gaze.

 “Promise.” Karkat says.

 “Why?”

 “Because you will never take it off and you are going to tell me you’re not and I’m going to believe you because you promised me. Isn’t that how a promise works?” He says, tightening it slightly.

 “Well yeah. But like, why this?” You ask.

 “Because it’s simple and insignificant. But, the size does make it sort of hard to write with in class. It won’t do any real damage but it would be easier to take it off, or at least it was like that with me when I’d wear it. Anyways, you’re not going to take it off. You’re going to keep it on, no matter how easy it would be to take off and tell me you kept it on. There’s no way of me knowing if you did either, but _you’ll_ know,” He gives you a serious look. “It’s nothing that will hurt me if I do find out if you take it off, at least not majorly. It’s just some shitty bracelet after all.” He finishes. You stare at it and feel like he isn’t being completely honest about that last part.

 “Can I take it off to shower?” You would do that with the stuff you used to wear all the time.

 “Nope. It stays on you at all times. If it falls or rips off you just let me know too. I’ll trust whatever it is you say. Can you promise me that?”

 “…Okay.” You nod slowly.

 “Promise.”

 “I…I promise.” You say after a deep breath.

 “Good.” He returns to the eggs, flipping them over. You stare at the bracelet, tracing the strands around to see how the different colors were brought together. Karkat hums softly, setting a batch of cooked eggs onto a plate and placing a bowl over it.

 “…What happens if I get blood on it?” You ask softly. You aren’t sure how to clean it up off of this kind of material. He pauses, mid-crack of an egg, and looks over at you.

 “It’ll upset me and worry me very much. What the fuck do you think it would do?” You ignore the slightly concerned tone in his voice.

 “Well you said to tell you if it broke or fell off. I wanted to know if, while slaying my enemies I got blood on it, you would want to know.” You say, trying to back the elephant in the room up and out.

 “Let’s just hope that the blood of your enemies doesn’t stain your maiden’s precious gift. Try and go around it, I don’t fucking know. Just as long as you can sleep at night.” He says. He might’ve seen the elephant you’re still trying to disguise as a lamp, but at least he’s being nice enough to not point it out. You hum softly and nod in response.

 “Speaking of night, I’m used to being cuddled not fucking squeezed to death. Did I happen to be a fucking lemon in your dream, in which you were trying to raise money for a new game via lemon-aid stand?” He looks over at you.

 “…Sorry.” You apologize with a slight smile.

 “It’s fine. So…what was the dream?” He asks. You can’t tell him though, not right now, it’s not something you want to get into just yet. You decide on telling him the gist of your other dreams though.

 “The same as usual I guess. Unrelenting forces set on making me suffer for various reasons using new, generally horrifying ways to torture me until I wake up. Including making me think I’ve woken up and the proceeding to fuck me over. On occasion, it is rather literal.”

 “So you sometimes have extreme wet dreams?” He gives you a concerned look.

 “When the mood strikes I guess.” You shrug.

 “Well damn.”

 “Most of it gets to gory for any sort of boner to occur.”

 “Well isn’t that kinky.” Karkat mumbles.

 “It’s more of situations in which I can’t do anything to help the people in them…or help myself.”

 “That’s fucking terrifying.” He says, turning off the stove and getting another plate for himself. You nod and tell him about the one you had two nights ago instead.

 “This one was more…watching the people I care about get brutally murdered. I mean, Gamz got chainsawed in half, Rose got shanked by a fish, and I got stabbed twice by fucking armless werewolf dogs while standing over Jade’s dead body.”

 “Isn’t that fucking delightful.” He says, serving the food and taking it to the table. You go and plop yourself into a chair.

 “It’s always the people close to me,” You mumble, poking at your food. “And it always feels so real.” _Especially that one._

 “I usually don’t remember my dreams, even if they are nightmares.” He hums taking a seat in front of you.

 “Lucky.”

 “Not really. I still get to feel all that fear and torture, but I can’t remember what it is I’m afraid of.” Karkat says, taking a bite of his food.

“I’d rather deal with that.” You say. He hums and shrugs his shoulders, busying himself with eating.

 “You’ll probably start starring in them too.” The more you stare at the eggs the more you realize you aren’t actually hungry.

 “Well I hope the ratings are up by then.” He says taking another bite. You push the food around your plate.

 “I also sleepwalk.”

 “You sleepwalk?” He looks up at you.

 “Yeah. Do a lot of weird shit too. I think it’s why Bro keeps swords in the fridge, even if he wont admit it.”

 “Your brother…keeps swords in the fridge…” Karkat says in utter disbelief.

 “Cold hard steel yo.”

 “I suppose that is one way to keep the ‘cold’ in it.” He rolls his eyes. You nod in agreement and he just shoves more egg into his mouth.

 “But I think he actually does it in case I open the fridge when I’m walking. So when they all tumble out onto the floor the noise will startle me awake.” Alternatively he also probably does it so he can hear them fall and know you’re up.

 “Has it ever worked?” Karkat asks.

 “Several times. A few in which I was in the way of the blades. I still woke up in the end.” You answer.

 “Hope you didn’t get hurt too fucking badly.”

 “Nothing Bro’s stitch work couldn’t handle.” You shrug. He gives you a look but says nothing.

 “I threw eggs at John’s kitchen wall once when I stayed over.” You tell him. Karkat’s jaw drops slightly. He tries a few times to say something but nothing comes out.

 “Apparently I told him that I was practicing my baseball pitch. I don’t even fucking play baseball.” You still aren’t sure why it was baseball of all things but whatever. He snorts and shakes his head.

 “Guess you just didn’t have the balls to try out for the team.” He says.

 “Maybe if they weren’t such dicks.” You roll your eyes.

 “Who? The eggs?”

 “The _baseball team_. I mean the football jocks are worse,” You puff out your cheeks. “Some of them really hate me.”

 “Why?” He asks

 “Fuck if I know.” You shrug.

 “So you never tried out for a sport because the hated you? Or did they hate you because you tried out?”

 “I’m not athletically gifted, there was no reason for me to.” You say.

 “Then?” He asks.

 “I probably made them feel insecure or some shit like that. I don’t know man.”

 “So then is there anything else you do, if not sports?” Karkat asks.

 “Oh you know, the usual. Play video games, hang out with my good buddy John, and maybe write a few shitty raps because I can. I used to go do photography, hell my closet was a darkroom.”

 “John Egbert right?” He asks, trying to put the name to a face.

 “Yeah. Lil’ Boy Blue.” You smirk slightly. John hates it when you call him that.

 “Too much fucking blue. I swear it’s like half of my friends decided on a color to pretty much butcher and run into the ground. They’re like, ‘This is my color! There are many hues like it, but this specific shade is mine’.” He rants

 “Yeah.” You laugh. You are one of those people some days with the shades of red. Karkat picks up his plate and carries it off to the sink. You look at the cold mushed mess that you’ve made. You listen as he rinses his plate off and sets it aside.

 “So…Now what?” You look over at him and ask.

 “Now you eat your breakfast and then off to your place to get rid of the stuff you don’t need near you.” He says, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms.

 “I’m not hungry.” You push the plate away from you. He sighs, comes and gets the plate from you, and scrapes it off into a container for you to take. You stand up and play with the bracelet on your wrist, until he comes up to your side.

 “So my place?”

 “Mhmm.” Karkat nods. You get nervous but you go over to your shoes and pull them back on. He puts his own on and opens the door for you. You get up and lead the way out to the elevator as he follows right behind you. After the brief elevator ride, you go to your door and take a deep breath before opening it.

 “Bro?” You call out into the _probably_ empty living room. When you receive no answer you sigh and walk in.

 “It’ll make things easier I suppose.” You mumble. Karkat rubbernecks around your home as he walks in.

 “So this is ‘sex-toy central’ huh?”

 “Yep.” You kick a few smuppets out of your way.

 “Sure doesn’t look like much.”

 “It’s surprisingly clean for once. He must’ve brought home some date he needed to impress last night.” You roll your eyes. It would be typical of him.

 “Oh.” Is Karkat’s only response.

 “But he’s not here now.” Or at least you don’t think Bro is. He could still be in his room for all you know, still chilling in post-coital cuddling with the lucky person he bedded. You walk towards your room and push the door open.

 “Is he ever home?” Karkat asks.

 “Sometimes.” Is your vague answer as you pick up a few things in your room. He comes in and looks around and you stand in the center of it.

 “This is my room.” You tell him, although he’s probably already figured that out.

 “Cool.” He nods. You go over to your bed and flop down onto it, springs creaking in agony. Karkat continues to look around your room, eyes staying in places a bit longer that interest him and quickly moving on when they don’t as much. You heave a soft sigh and he comes over and joins you on the bed. You two sit in the silence for a bit. He stares out your window and you stare at the way the light bends and curves on his face. You notice the extra little curve of his nose and find it to be cute.

 “So what now?” You ask, breaking the silence.

 “Now you have to be strong and give up any shit you have. So hand over the drugs bud, time to say good bye to that brain rotting mess.” He looks over at you.

 “Alright.” You nod but you don’t get up.

 “Every little bit Dave,” He gives you a look. “And Gamzee isn’t selling you any more, and he _will_ let the others know too.”

 “Right. Okay.” You say, still not moving. You don’t want to just hand it all over. What if you have an episode and really need something? What if you start having crazy withdrawals that are so bad you need to get it out of you’re system slowly?

 “Dave.” Karkat says in a stern tone. You slowly sit up; maybe he’ll give up on you if you move slow enough. He just watches you instead, giving you the soft glare that is enough to motivate you to move a bit faster. You go over to your dresser and pull out the one drawer that isn’t stuffed with random clothes. Karkat’s eyes bore holes into your back and you start pulling out the baggies that contain the toxins you put into your body semi-regularly. You are trying to be careful of the small razor blades inside the drawer too. You pull out the last bag and as careful as you were trying to be you still manage to nick your finger on one of the blades. You hiss softly and shove the drawer shut. You suck on your bloody wound and check other places in your room where you have occasionally shoved the other shit in before.

 “Are you okay?” Karkat asks.

 “A paper cut, I’ll live.” You lie. He hums and nods. You pick up the bags and take them over to him. He opens his hands and you give them to him. He’s looking them over as you go to where you tossed your backpack.

 “Trash or flush?” He asks.

 “I’d say flush it if there wasn’t a potential threat of clogging the drains with that shit.” You pull your backpack open; there are two small bags inside. You glance up and when Karkat doesn’t notice you take only one of them out and toss it his way. He catches it and puts it with the rest of the pile.

 “Is that it?”

 “Just some shit in my locker.” You zip your backpack closed and toss it aside again. He nods.

 “We can get rid of that on Monday after school.” He hums and starts shoving the bags into his own pockets. You nod in agreement.

 “Anything else?”

 “Well, anything else you want to give up on this fine morning?” He asks. You chew your lip and give a slight glance back over to the drawer.

 “…No.” _Baby steps Dave, baby steps._ He smiles and pats your arm.

“Alright…Good job.” He says. It hits you and you feel a bit guilty for keeping a bag because he’s genuinely proud of you.

 “I’ll go get rid of this right now and once I’m back we can get some lunch or whatever. Hell, I’ll buy you ice cream if you want.” He stands up and pats his pockets back down.

 “Sure.” You nod. He gives your shoulder one last squeeze, before heading out your door. You listen as he opens the front door and close it behind him. You sit down on your bed and hold your head. You are now left _possibly_ alone in this small apartment and your thoughts. You almost can’t wait for Karkat to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That upd8 was harsh and it made me finish up this chapter
> 
> \---
> 
> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	7. It's All In Your Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Mentions of Drugs  
> -Self Harm (Scratching)  
> -Cussing  
> -Withdrawal symptoms

            Within the handful of hours Karkat had been gone, you have wound yourself up into a tight little ball of paranoia and anxiety. You are clutching tightly to your bed sheets, an effortless attempt at grounding you to reality. You stare at the ceiling counting the small cracks. Your chest heaving as you try to force air into lungs that quickly force it back out. You just handed over your crutch to Karkat and you don’t know if he’s ever coming back. _Fuck why did you do that?!_ You want to scream but all that bubbles out past your lips is a small whimper.

            Your skin feels like it’s moving, like there is something just under the layers of skin and crawling along your arms and chest, even your legs. You rake your nails down your skin, clawing at the strange sensation. You bite down hard on your lip, and try to ignore how you feel too warm and too cold at the same time. You _need_ something in your body; you need to stop the tingling in your ears and the hyperawareness of every single muscle twitch. You need something and Karkat has it all.

            Your arms are stinging so badly right now, and a quick glance tells you that you’ve scratched the skin raw. _Those things_ are still moving under your skin and, against better judgment; you continue to scratch at the sore flesh. You can feel warm liquid seep out from your lip; taste the metallic tang of blood. You are shivering and sweaty and _God where the fuck is Karkat?!_ Maybe he’ll still have some of your stuff and you can take it back. Take it and put it straight back into your body to quell the fear of the walls closing in and silence the horrible thoughts that want you out the window.

            You’ve moved onto your chest, trying to tear away at the fabric of your shirt and get the crawlies out of you, when you hear a soft voice. You do _not_ need this right now! You do _not_ need voices in your head on top of all of this. You just barely make out Karkat’s form as he swats at your hands. You hit him back, _you can’t hit me you little goblin bitch!_ He grabs at your wrists and holds them effortlessly. You squirm in his grip and try to yank your wrists back.

 “Stop it damnit! What the hell are you doing? I’m gone for one fucking hour and you turn yourself into a goddamn scratch post. Did you fucking take something when I was gone?” He glares down at you and you glare right back. You growl behind clenched teeth. Karkat groans and gets on the bed, straddling your waist and pinning your arms above your head. _Fuck, why is he stronger than you?_

 “Dave. Answer me.” He demands.

 “Fuck you!” You shout back at him. You thrash against his grip, trying your damnedest to break free. He’s doing his best to hold you down, pushing more of his weight onto you.

 “What’s your fucking problem!? What the fuck happened?! I swear to fucking god, if you are on something after just quitting I am going to have to find you some professional fucking help you ungrateful swine!” He’s even louder than you.

 “Give me something so I can actually _be_ on something!” You try to buck him off of you.

 “That’s not how this fucking works! Now stop moving damn it,” He yells back, bringing his arms and legs around you like a fucking anaconda. “I’m not giving you shit! It’s all gone so fucking _stop asking for it!_ ” You make various angry noises to express how truly upset you are, and he makes them back louder. You try to get him off one more time and he drives his head into yours. For a moment you are stunned, your attempts are weaker and you glare up at him.

 “ _Fuck_ you.” You say.

 “No, fuck you! Fuck you and fuck this fucking situation! You are going to calm the fuck down or you will _regret it!_ I am not leaving and I am not giving you _shit!_ _Get a fucking grip Strider, this is fucking ridiculous!_ You’re being an ass and you’re hurting my damn hips you fucking tumbleweed! So fucking stop, now.” He gives your arms a tighter squeeze. You can feel tears prickling at the edges of your eyes and you pathetically try to fight him off.

 “Dave. Now…stop.” He pleads.

 “Or what!?” You snap at him.

 “Or there’s no way I’ll be able to help you, fuck…it’s just going to fucking end you,” Karkat sighs and lets go of you. “Dave you said you’d do this. Are you seriously giving up this early? I thought you were better than this, fuck I _know_ you are Dave. So get a fucking grip and control yourself.” He sounds so let down, so fucking disappointed in you. You go lax and try to fight off the urge to cry.

 “You don’t need it.” He says softly.

 “It’s crawling.” You mumble.

 “It’s all in your head.”  
  
 “It itches.”

 “There are other ways to get rid of an itch. You don’t always have to scratch at it.” Karkat rubs your sore forearms that had the worst visible damage.

 “It hurts…” You murmur.

 “That’s because you’re hurting yourself.” He says getting off of your lap and lying down beside you to catch his breath.

 “Why do you even fucking care?” You look over at him.

 “Why don’t you? Why do you do it as if it were no big deal, when you fucking know it is. You’re not blind.”

 “Because it stops everything.” You tell him

 “Does it really? Because look, _it’s all still fucking here_. When you get off that cloud it’s all here, waiting for you, just where and how you left it.” He gestures to your room.

 “I know…and I hate it so much.”

 “Good. Hate it. Hate it with a fucking passion. But don’t let it control you. If it’s hate you need to motivate you then yeah, hate all you want. Don’t just leave it, or you’ll end up hating yourself for it. And by the looks of it, you already do.” He sits up and gives you a sad look.

 “I don’t want to be here.” You say.

 “Then let’s get you out.” He offers you his hand.

 “No. I don’t want to _be_ here. I don’t want to be.” You have to look away from him after saying it because he just looked so sad. It makes your stomach knot up in ways you don’t like.

 “I want you here and maybe that means nothing. You probably don’t even care, or think I shouldn’t.” He sighs softly. You rub at your eyes, getting rid of that pesky extra moisture they had on them. It does mean something to you, you suppose. It’s nice to hear that at least one person actually wants you alive and here.

 “But I do care. I would like to get to know you better and help you out of this hole you got yourself into. You can think whatever you’d like about me for that.” He looks over at you. You bring yourself to look over at him.

 “I don’t think you deserve this hell you’re in,” Karkat pauses. “I’ve lived in my own hell before. I know you can’t climb out of it alone sometimes.” You curl inwards slightly. You know he just wants to help you out, but you aren’t even sure how he could even help. You just start shivering again, you’re confused and your head hurts. A lot of your body is hurting actually. Karkat places his hand on your shoulder so lightly, like he’s afraid you’ll just shatter. Not that you blame him, you feel like you’re going to.

            You sniffle, _stupid betraying runny nose,_ and he pulls lightly at one of your arms. He pulls until you sit up and he opens his arms up. Your throat threatens to make a knot and you lean into his arms. He holds you like that for a moment or two, before changing how the two of you are sitting. He makes it so that he can hug you better and rubs soft circles into your back. You are trying to calm the fuck down and he gives you a slight squeeze.

 “I need out of this apartment.” You say into his shoulder once you feel more levelheaded.

 “Then let’s get you out.” He loosens up his hold on you. You nods and he lets go of you. He leans back to let you have more room to get up out of your bed. You stand on shaky legs, and use his shoulder for support when he gets up next to you.

 “Do you need anything?” Karkat asks.

 “Out, just need out.” You answer. He nods and leads you out to the living room, where he shoves his shoes on. You try to stand on your own two feet while he ties up the laces. You breathe a shaky breath and he looks up at you.

 “Where do you want to go?”

 “Out. I don’t care, just out.” You say. He hums and opens the door. You quickly get out of there and lean on the wall outside. He closes the door and nudges you gently. You look at him and he offers a small smile and leads you out to the elevator. You enter and cling to the handrails and he pushes a button.

 “Mind if we just stay at my place again? If you’re feeling better we can go take Gamzee some lunch.” He asks.

 “Okay.” You hesitate. You aren’t sure how you’d behave at his place considering how you were acting this morning.

 “If you can’t handle it, it’s fine. You can stay at home. However you want.” He says. You nod and the two of you get out of the elevator when it dings and opens up. Karkat walks calmly to his door and you stick close behind. He kicks off his shoes once inside and you look down at your bare toes. You didn’t even notice you had walked out barefoot.

            Karkat takes a seat on his couch and offers up his arms again. You curl up with him on the couch and he hugs you close. You listen to his heart beating softly and he rubs your back again.

 “Hey it’s okay.”

 “No it’s not.” You murmur into his neck.

 “For right now, you being here and with nothing in your system, it is.” He rests his chin on your head.

 “It shouldn’t be so hard.” You whine.

 “For now it is. It’ll get better though.” He leans back to look at you. You plop your face into the side of the couch to hide from his gaze.

 “It’s not going to change in one day. You’re going to have to do your part and sit your ass down and enjoy the bumpy ride some days.” He tells you.

 “I know.” You say softly, bringing a part of your head out to face him.

 “And if you ever need help I’m right here. It may not make any shit better, but know that I am here for you for whatever you need me for.” He shrugs. You sigh and he gives you a small sad smile.

 “Yeah.” You nod. Karkat leans back against the couch, he looks deadbeat tired. You chew your lip slightly and then lean against him. He slings an arm back around you and hums softly.

            The two of you basically cuddle against each other for a while. It’s nice and comforting. The sound of his heart and the warmth of his body were starting to put you to sleep when your stomach makes a god awful sound. Karkat laughs and pokes at you stomach.

 “Well hello there.” He says. You shush him and pat his hand away.

 “You need to stop skipping breakfast.” He tells you, nudging your leg so he can get up. You move and he heads off to the kitchen. You’ve always been intrigued by watching others cook so you follow him into the kitchen. You hop onto the counter and take up valuable space.

            You watch him take things out, and prepping something. He’s also busy texting someone. Something tells you it’s Gamzee from the faces he makes at the phone. Karkat grumbles at the device as he shoves it back into his pocket, attention refocused on what he had been doing. You hum and swing your legs.

 “What are you gonna make?” You ask.

 “Gamzee is getting a bag of shit,” _So it had been him on the phone._ “And I’m making whatever Kankri left the recipe for on the fridge. I’m guessing it’s a stew of sorts.” He says, staring at the small paper held up by crab magnets on the fridge.

 “Why a bag of shit?” You ask.

 “Because when I asked him what he wanted he didn’t answer. So he can eat shit. You have any allergies?” He looks over at you.

 “I am allergic to bags of shit.” You say, he gives you a look. You shrug, you haven’t had an allergic reaction to anything before really.

 “Alright.” Karkat says, turning the stove on. When he finishes putting in all the ingredients he makes you scoot over and joins you on the countertop. He types out a message to Gamzee and you give him some privacy by looking into the large pot.

 “Looks good.” You say.

 “What?” He asks, looking up at you from his phone.

 “I said it ‘looks good’.”

 “It’s nothing hard.” He says with a slight shrug. You personally can’t cook worth a shit and have been banned from the stove because of a Top-Ramen incident.

 “Are you going to be okay going into Gamzee’s shop?” Karkat hops off the counter and puts a few more things into the pot.

 “I don’t know.” You think about your reaction earlier and compare the feeling to how you are now. Right now you are somewhat okay, but you might have a sudden urge while at Gamzee’s. While Karkat does prove to be a good opponent to hold you down, Gamzee is a twig and you’d probably snap him in half.

 “Maybe.” Is your final answer. He looks over at you.

 “Maybe?”

 “I don’t know for sure.” You duck your head slightly.

 “Then you aren’t going.” Karkat says taking his place next to you.

 “Okay, then where do I go?” You ask

 “Well you can stay here if you’d like. I won’t take too long. Or you can just wait outside? You’re in charge of yourself.”

 “I won’t go in but I’ll follow you.” You say, crossing your heart lightly.

 “Promise you’ll be good and not try to run through red lights? I don’t want to have to put you on a leash.” He gives you a slight look.

 “I promise.” You nod.

 “Good.” Karkat hums, getting off the counter to check back up on the stew. You tap your fingers lightly on the counter’s surface, trying to think of ways you’ll keep yourself entertained when the two of you get there.

 “So what kind of food do you like? Or don’t like?” Karkat asks you.

 “Bro usually feeds me fast food junk.” You shrug.

 “That doesn’t answer my question.” He looks over at you and you stare back. He sighs and turns his attention back to the pot.

 “Beef?”

 “Beef is good.” You say.

 “Pork?” He asks.

 “Yeah sure.”

 “Fish? Veggies?” He’s looking back over at you.

 “Sounds good to me.”

 “Well what doesn’t?” He sighs.

 “Peppers? Tomato. Oh cooked carrots, those are nasty.” You say.

 “Peppers aren’t too bad, but tomatoes and carrots…” He makes a face and shudders. You nod in agreement and the two of you continue to talk about food. It’s mostly to fill the silence as he goes about the kitchen.

 “Do you want to eat now or when we get back?” Karkat asks packing some of the stew in a container and stuffing it in a bag.

 “When we get back.” You hum.

 “Alright then, let’s go.” He says handing you the bag. You take it and hold it uncertainly; he ignores you and steps around you. Karkat pulls on his shoes and pulls an extra pair out. He slides them over to you and he gives you a look. You slip your feet in them and try not to think about how weird it is. He stands back up and leads you back out to the elevator.

 “If you get too hungry we can stop somewhere for a snack or something.” He says, calling the elevator up.

 “A’ight.” You nod. The doors open and the two of you step in and wait for the slow decent to the lobby floor.

 “I’m not too hungry myself but I bet once we’re out of here, all the damn restaurants are going to be in their lunch rush and we’ll get to smell whatever it is they’re selling.” He hums. You chuckle lightly.

 “Yeah probably. And then we’ll go ‘damn we should’ve eaten’.” You lean back against the wall and he looks over at you. He smiles softly at you and you can’t help but smile back. He breaks the eye contact first, slight pink to his cheeks, and stares at the door. You bite your cheek to not laugh as he quickly scurries through the doors. By the time you step out of the elevator he’s already at the lobby entrance, holding the door open for you. You quickly get over there and step outside and he lets the door fall shut.

            The two of you walk side by side in silence for a bit. You casually avoid the people walking close to you on the sidewalk, stepping closer to Karkat. You look around at the people and the places, wondering how you could distort them in someway for the hell of it. The lady on the phone for example, that phone is actually physically attached to her hand and ear; in fact that is her ear. She uses the latest model to be the envy of her other phone eared ladies.

            Karkat doesn’t appreciate the silence between you two however. He comes up with some small talk, most of which requires minimal answers from you, maybe a grunt at least. Eventually though, he continues talking more about whatever is on his mind. Karkat gestures slightly with his hands while he talks, and he is just going for miles. You add in your own input when he pauses long enough to let you do so. He stops you in front of a restaurant and peeks inside.

 “How are you on food?” He asks.

 “I’m a bit hungry.” You hum.

 “Want some fries?”

 “Sure.” You shrug. Free food is free food, and most of the time free food is good food. He nods and makes his way inside, you grab onto his shirtsleeve to not lose track of him in the sudden mass of people.

            Karkat is surprisingly quiet in the line. He’s looking at the menu and you glance around at the cashiers and customers around you. You shuffle closer to him standing by his side as the two of you wait for an opening. He steps up to a free cashier and you don’t even pay attention to what he orders, too busy focused on what’s going on in the back. It is just people doing their jobs but it’s still interesting to watch though. Karkat nudges your side and you look down at him. _Fuck what did he ask?_ You nod and shove your hands into your pockets, hoping that it provides a good result. He adds in another drink and the two of you sit down to wait for your order.

            After your number is called the two of you get your food and then continue your trek to Gamzee’s place. He continues to chat up a storm and you just smile and nod. You are now carrying what you’re guessing is Gamzee’s lunch and a drink, while Karkat carries your lunch and another drink. Though his hands are full it doesn’t stop him from talking with his hands. He’s still making gestures to go with his stories, facial expressions changing with new stories and the way his eyes light up is just too much.

            You finally reach Gamzee’s place and you trade bags with him before he slips inside. You lean against his house and watch the people walk by. They give you odd looks, and it makes you more uncomfortable standing out here than the potential breakdown you could have by going in. You go to open the door and just go inside to avoid the stares when it swings open. Karkat calls out a goodbye to Gamzee and you can hear him say something in response before Karkat shuts the door.

 “Let’s go.” He says with a happy hum. You nod in response and follow behind him. He stays a bit quieter this time, busy typing out messages to Gamzee from what you could tell from the glance over his shoulder. You can’t wait to get back really, you feel like you could sleep for five hours on Karkat’s couch. Maybe eat some of that home cooked goodness along with the greasy food you two bought.

            You’re the one who is absentmindedly running your mouth this time. You just tell him about school and various things you learned but don’t quite recall how you came across the information. He chuckles sometimes, rolls his eyes at others, and when you open the lobby doors he hums. The two of you get back in the death trap of the elevator and ignore the way it sounds when the doors slide shut. _It’s probably going to be closed for maintenance tomorrow._

            Since he is still busy typing, a bit more harshly _Gamzee must not understand something_ , you lead the way out to Karkat’s apartment when the doors pop and whirr open. You make a mental note to use the stairs when you go home. Karkat roughly jams his phone back into his pocket and shakes his head. You lean on his doorframe until he manages to push his door open.

            You carefully take off the shoes you borrowed and set them back where you recall Karkat getting them from. Karkat just kicks his off towards your general direction. You sigh and make your way back over to the couch, setting the greasy bag on the table and curling up.

 “Are you going to want a bowl?” He calls from the kitchen.

 “Yeah sure.” You reply, rubbing your face and patting it lightly to keep the sleep at bay. He comes back with two bowls and sets them down on the table, turning the TV on for some background noise. The food you got earlier is distributed between the two of you and you eat slowly.  

 “So Dave?” Karkat says.

 “Hmm?”

 “Tell me more about yourself?” He asks, leaning back into his couch. You suppose you could, it wasn’t painful earlier so you should be able to handle this. You stretch out your arms and get yourself comfortable; this is going to take a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	8. Day Zero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Mentions of Drugs  
> -Drug abuse  
> -Mentions of Abusive homes/Domestic Abuse  
> -Sexual innuendo  
> -Sexual slurs

            You pick a bit at your food, the hardest part about this is figuring out where to start from. You chew on your lip.

“Well what do you want to know?”

 “How the fuck did you end up here?” Karkat shrugs, “Looking like shit, desperate for a hit and talking to some weird ass punk from your chemistry class who you already gave permission in some part of your mind to take away your dope.”

 “A lot of shit really, but I’ve already told you my drug story.” You hum and lean back.

 “Then tell me some shit that you don’t mind sharing.” He shrugs. You think about it for a minute before going with some of the rumors you know go around about you.

 “You want to know how I have apparently slept with in some way, shape, or form, the entire football team?”

 “What?” He gives you a confused but also highly concerned look.

 “Fuck if I know.” You raise your hands up, showing off all the fucks you know about it.

 “But—” Karkat cuts himself short, confusion winning over concern. Which is great, you don’t want him to actually think you’ve slept with the team.

 “I only touched one guys dick on that team. One. A singular person, Karkat. His pants weren’t even off.”

 “If that’s what you want to share then, I’m all ears.” He says, slouching further into the couch.

 “My three-day boyfriend.”

 “Ah yes, you did mention him once. Fucking grace my ears with this story. He was a football player?”

 “Yep. God he had great arms, and a nice ass…and stamina to go with it all.” You sigh softly. _He was cute as fuck too_.

 “Well.” Karkat hums.

 “He thought he was possibly bi.” _Which is how that whole mess started._

 “Okay, why the hell not.”

 “So he came to me for help. I said sure, let’s make out and touch willies and date. We’ll see if you are.” Maybe you hadn’t phrased it quite like that, but the two of you had known it had been what you had meant.

 “Of course,” Karkat rolls his eyes, “Because that is definitely how you figure these things out. Yep. What a fucking genius.”

 “Well it’s what we did. I am not the best of people, I will admit to that. I had my own selfish reasons for going along with it.” You cross your arms; you should’ve expected this response from Karkat really. He nods and hums. You shrug, there wasn’t much left to the story anyway.

 “The farthest we got really was my hand on his clothed crotch and him topless. I didn’t get to see what kind of heat he was packing. It was just done. He was all, ‘Dave, why are you touching my dick?’ and I was all, “Well what did you expect me to do?’ The day after that we broke up.” You can hear Karkat’s failed attempt to stifle his laugh at the change of voices you used. It brings a slight smile to your face.

 “He was all ‘Sorry Dave, guess I’m not bi.’ I just went ‘Yeah, I kinda figured when you freaked about some dick touchin’ going down.’ The next thing I know, rumors are going around.”

 “At this school?” Karkat says flatly.

 “I know right? What a shocker.” You roll your eyes. Rumors are nothing new, in any school, at any grade level.

 “Okay, I hadn’t heard about the football team one. I did hear about the ‘glory hole’ in the boy’s locker room though.” He hums.

 “Depending on who you ask about it, I am apparently on the business end of it. Man, I am just suckin’ so much dick I just can’t remember any of it, or y’know actually seen someone else’s for actual sexual purposes and not something for like, health class or gym.”

 “Have you really never seen another guys dick?”

 “I mean the ones in health and gym don’t count. I’ve seen Bro’s too, but that was…weird.” Bro usually gave you some form of warning before parading about the place naked, that day he forgot that you had been home.

 “Oh?” Karkat brings back that slightly concerned look again.

 “He took a shower. Fucker left his towel in the living room.” You had hid in your room the rest of the day and for two more after that incident. It had taken several bribes of ice cream and pizza to bring you back out.

 “Okay. So. Gamzee seems to forget when I’m in the shop at times.” Karkat begins.

 “Oh dear lord.” _This is gonna be good._

 “This one time, he was coming out of the shower. The imbecile wasn’t even wearing a fucking towel around his hips. The only one he had on was on his fucking head. You have a fucking guest in your damn house, if you have a single towel one would think the small gears in your brain would allow you to process the information needed that you should _cover your junk._ ” You can’t stop the laugh that slips past your lips. It sounded like something Gamzee would do.

 “I was thirteen Dave. I had _just_ accepted the fact I liked guys. That was a dark day for me.” He gives you a look.

 “Damn.” You say. He nods in agreement. You two sit in silence for a bit.

 “…Was it at least nice?” You ask.

 “It was weird and very much different from mine. I was thirteen, I was just fucking getting hair. Gamzee was like eighteen? It was quite a difference.”

 “Eh true,” You hum. “Is he really that much older than us? It’s like five years.”

 “Yeah, he’s as old as Kankri.” Karkat nods.

 “I thought he was in his 30s.”

 “It’s just five years.” He says giving you a look and shaking his head.

 “Well damn.”

 “He dropped out of school when he about our age I think. I’m making him get his GED though, his math test is next month.” He hums.

 “He should have conversions down at least.” You nod.

 “You’d like to think,” Karkat says with a sigh. “So, drugs and bad rumors?” He looks over at you.

 “So many dude.” You could no longer keep track of what information is being smeared against your name anymore.

 “Someone once started a rumor about how I was dead.” He hums.

 “What? How? Why?”

 “Fuck if I know, I was still going to school. I don’t blame some of them for thinking it was real. I missed a lot of school so whenever they would call role there was always that one douche nugget going ‘He got detention’ or ‘He’s sick’. Soon there was one who said ‘He died’ and when the school called the house, dad never answered.”

 “Oh my god.” You are fighting off the laughter, knowing he’s not quite done just yet.

 “Turns out the day I showed up, they had done this sort of fucking memorial thing for me. Maybe it was a joke or they over exaggerated it, but it was a thing that happened.”

 “Dude. That’s pretty cool.” You only vaguely recall the event, remembering that you used it to sneak off campus so you could just go somewhere else.

 “No it’s not. Some of my teachers got rid of all my stuff! There was this other kid using my damn locker when I came back.” 

 “That’s fucking beautiful.” You say. He puffs up and gives you a soft glare.

 “Dude, that’s so much better than being blamed for a sudden STD out break. I know I would’ve loved the dead one so much more.” Really, you would have.

 “I find it fucking hilarious how a bunch of homophobic discharge heads like to make shit up about you sucking them off or messing around with others when they themselves claim to be straight. ‘Oh yes, I am a big strong heterosexual football player, but sure I’ll stick my dick in there if this fag is gonna suck it right’ I mean seriously,” He rolls his eyes. “And if you _were_ responsible for an STD outbreak who in their right moronic prickish shit-fanning mind would go out and say ‘Oh yeah, I slept with this person who slept with this other person who slept with Strider.’ Seriously, what the fuck.” He gives you the most irritated face you have seen yet. You simply shrug your shoulders and he shakes his head.

 “I got tired of them dissing on my friends too, especially when I started doing the other shit. I didn’t want them to be stuck with it.” You had drawn the line at all the extra drug tests John had to go through.

 “That’s fucked up.” Karkat says, scooting a bit closer to you. You nod in agreement, it had been. He looks up at the ceiling.

 “Hopefully shit will get better.”

 “God I hope so.” You say finishing off the last bit of food you have left.

            The two of you sit in relative silence for a bit, before you start mumbling about more important things you suppose. Things such as what had been expected of you from the people around you and how it stressed you out because you just cant meet those standards. Some are set way too high and others are just out of reach no matter how hard you try. It has on more than one occasion made you completely ill and put you near tears. You don’t know how many headaches have been caused by it either, or how many times you just gave up and submitted to the pressures around you.

            You curl up on his couch, drawing your knees to your chest and bringing your arms around them. You find the topic uncomfortable to say the least, and you really want to change the subject back to the lighthearted things you had been talking about before but can’t find the words to switch it back. You wait in the brief silence, chin resting on your knees, for something else to come to mind or for Karkat to break the lull in the conversation. You aren’t too picky on which. He sighs softly and nods along with you.

 “It’s fucking stressing, I feel you. When I first moved in with Kankri I wanted to do my damn best on everything. I had so much I wanted to fix…” He trails off. You look over at him and he looks a bit distant.

 “I think I tried to rush into things and I made a few things worse and some shit I just couldn’t do alone. I had to catch up in class, I had some habits to break, and I wanted to help around here too. I even had some contacts I had to break for my own good.” He says after awhile.

 “It doesn’t help when half the people around you want you to be better and the other half keeps encouraging you to fail. Among other things at least.” You hum and he nods in agreement.

 “But you have to do what you want for yourself sometimes too.”

 “I know. It’s just too much sometimes.” You mumble, pulling yourself into a smaller ball.

 “It’s alright to have some help in those times Dave.” He sets his hand over your shoulder and giving it a small squeeze.

 “I don’t want to let the help down either. Besides, it’s not like I get that much help from others anyway.”

 “Well, does anyone else know about the shit you’re in?” He asks looking over at you.

 “John knows that I’ve gotten high like twice and I’ve accidently drunk dialed Rose once, but no. No one knows the extent I’ve gotten to.” You didn’t want anyone to know, because if the worse came to worst they wouldn’t be involved in it. Karkat nods in understanding anyway.

 “Not a lot of my friends knew about my situation. So it can be hard to ask for help when you think you are so alone.” He shifts closer to you.

 “I wouldn’t know what to tell them.”

 “Well nothing if you don’t want to. You have to make sure you tell your shit to people you know you can trust and people you think can help. You don’t want to tell someone and have them use it against you or make it worse.”

 “You,” You pause slightly. “You won’t right?” You should’ve checked earlier before spilling your guts out.

 “Of course not.” He says hurt.

 “Good. I just…wanted to double check y’know?” You say apologetically.

 “Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I promise. I’m not telling anyone anything you don’t want me to.” He chews on his lip.

 “Yeah. Thanks.” You nod.

 “If you want I could tell you a bit more intimate stuff? Sort of a ‘I won’t tell if you don’t’ if it makes you feel better?” Karkat asks.

 “Okay…if you want to sure.” You give him a weary look.

 “Well, you’re sort of exposing your deep dark shit to me. So I don’t really mind. It ain’t the first time and it probably wont be the last.” He sighs and leans back against the couch. You uncurl from your tight little ball, letting him know you are listening.

 “You’ve answered a lot of my questions already, is there something you want to ask?” He looks over at you. You were not prepared to ask him anything, yet you have so many questions, none of which make it to your tongue. You manage to shrug your shoulders and he leans heavily against your side.

 “Uh well…How’d you meet Gamzee?” You finally decide on. He sits up again.

 “Oh boy, this is gonna be fun. I ran into him, like I really did. I bumped into the guy y’know and—” He cuts himself off before shaking his head. “Alright. I had been sent to meet with this guy. I was supposed to hand him a package and I guess something about it was wrong or it wasn’t what he wanted. It’s like 3 in the fucking morning or some shit and it’s colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra. The guy pitched this fit and tried hitting me. So I took off, it wasn’t the first time getting a ‘mad customer’ anyway.” He sighs. You lean lightly against his side and wait for him to continue.

 “Usually they give up the chase after a block or so, but this guy just kept running. So there I go, running down alleyways and hopping over fences with this guy right on my ass. I make this turn and just crash into this thing. Fall right on my ass,” He slaps his hand down into the other. “I look up and it’s this huge guy in all fucking black with some weird white and grey face shit on. I remember thinking to myself ‘Well this is it, fucking ended up in Juggalo gang territory’.” Karkat sighs. You can’t help but laugh softly. He looks over at you and you mumble an apology.

 “Anyway, the clown noticed the guy who had been chasing me and stepped in front of me. He told the guy to fuck off, and the guy whipped out his gun. The clown pulled a bigger one out and well. Street rules man.” Karkat hums. You nod. Street rules were a bit terrifying sometimes.

 “When he turned around to help me I was trying to crawl away. I was like twelve, and I was fucking bawling and just wanted to go home. My foot had gotten fucked up, I was cold, I was tired, and I was so done. Gamzee just sat beside me, rubbed off his paint, and helped me calm back down. Then he picked me up and took me to his house and well…he was my fucking hero for the night.” He smiles softly to himself. You hum softly, and listen.

 “He had made sure I was alright, that I wasn’t hurt, and that I ate something. He had tried so hard to make me smile that night. I think…I think he’s who reminded me how to do that after so long and well…yeah. I bumped into him one night.”

 “Dude that almost sounds like the plot to some cheesy hurt/comfort romantic story.” You say.

 “Shut the fuck up, it’s nothing like that.” He laughs.

 “Oh really?”

 “Yeah really.”

 “So you two aren’t actually together?” You ask. He raises an eyebrow at you.

 “What? I legit thought the two of you were. But it was like all secretive and shit y’know? Since you’re a minor an’ all.” You raise your hands up, and shrug slightly.

 “We are not secretly anything. We’re not like that.” He says, getting a bit red in the face.

 

 “Did you ever want to be?”

 “No. We’re not together and never were, and I doubt we’ll ever be. I don’t love him that way, he’s like a brother.” He says shaking his head.

 “A stoned older brother.” You hum.

 “Okay, he’s got some health issues and he has to alright? Alright.” He gives you a soft glare. You simply hum and rest your head on his shoulder.

 “My brother would kill me if he found out about the shit I’ve been doing.” You tell him. He looks down at you.

 “He doesn’t want me to get involved in ‘that kinda lifestyle’. He told me he’d kick my ass if he ever caught me.” _Yet he still doesn’t notice it_. You are thankful for that though. Karkat hums beside you.

 “Kankri grew up in the same kind of situation I did, except he sort of remembers the good parts?”

 “What do you mean?”

 “Like the two of us once sort of sat down and really talked about it all. It seems like when Kankri was little all Dad did was drink and was abusive towards Mom and him. But when I was born Dad tried to fix it? I guess it had worked for a bit and then…it all came back and sure as hell conquered. Mom left and then Kankri…” You watch him curl up. “I was left alone with dad…and some days I was even left by myself. It almost hurt the same.” He chews on his lip and stares at a corner of the table. You aren’t sure how to comfort him, so you offer your hand to him like he has been doing to you. He stares at it for a bit before taking it.

 “You’re not alone now.” You murmur, rubbing his knuckles with your thumb.

 “Neither are you.” He says, and you give his hand a soft squeeze.

 “You got a lot of people now. You got Gamzee and your bro and your friends…you got me.” You look up at him. He sniffles and hides his face in your neck. You take this as a sign to hold him, so you bring your free arm around his shoulders. The two of you sit like that for a moment. He leans back and looks at you once he’s calmed back down.

 “I’ve been through some shit Dave. And I know it’s not easy and it’s hard to really try and get it. You’re not me either so I don’t expect it to go like it did with me. But know I’m here and I want to help.”

 “Okay. Yeah.” You nod and shift your hands enough to slide your fingers together.

 “So. Congrats.” He says, giving your hand a squeeze this time.

 “On what?”

 “Well, we threw your junk away. You woke up today. You ate. You went out. You did good today.” He hums.

 “But that’s not much.” You mumble.

 “You told me you had been on something everyday for what? About a year or so? That’s a whole fucking year Dave. This is only day one and, besides your little fit; here you are just sitting here. Calm. Just a few more hours left to go to the end of day one, and day one is just as important as day one-hundred.”

 “It is…isn’t it?” You let out a shaky sigh and he nods.

 “So I’ve…I’ve done good. For once.” You almost doubt the words leaving your mouth.

 “Really good. Fucking great. Not just good, Dave. Give yourself a bit more credit,” He says. “You’re going to kick this addiction in the fucking ass and out to the damn curb and away from you. And you’re going to have to be more than ‘good’ to be able to do it.” You bite down on your lip to make it stop shaking. He actually sounds fucking proud of you.

 “You’ll do great.” He says. You _totally_ aren’t getting teary eyed, there’s just something in your eyes that’s all. You wipe at them, _they’re just itchy I’m not crying_. Karkat smiles and laughs softly.

 “Come here, it’s fine.” He says, opening his arm out for you. You lean into him, resting your head on his chest.

 “I’m fine. Totally fine.”

 “Just come here,” He says pulling you tight against him. “I’m proud of you.” _Fuck when was the last time someone was proud of you?_ You can’t recall. You cling to him and pretend that you totally are not about to cry for the umpteenth time today. Karkat quietly rubs your back and you find yourself calming back down slowly. You’re going to get through this, one day at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	9. Putting the ‘High’ in Highschool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> \- Cursing  
> \- Drugs and using of drugs  
> \- Slurs  
> \- Verbal abuse  
> \- Physical Fight  
> \- Homophobia  
> \- Bullying

             The week had been going so well. You’re friends were happy to see you again and you were actually happy for longer than a few hours. Jade crushed you into her arms when she had seen you awkwardly approach them. Rose had given you a much gentler hug, while John just punched your shoulder lightly. They talked to you until the bell rang, catching you up on the things they’ve been up to and how much they had missed you hanging around. Lunches with them were beginning to be a thing to look forward to again.

            They of course asked about how you’ve been and what you had been up to this whole time. You didn’t tell them much, just stuff that had seemed pretty ordinary really. A handful of fights with Bro, a couple new games you played, and the like. When you mention your new friendship with Karkat you had met with three very different reactions.

            Rose was rather calm about the whole ordeal, she told you that she’s glad you made more friends. Jade informed you that Karkat was kind of a prick and she has no idea how the two of you could even work. John groaned loudly. He proceeded to tell you about how Karkat had given him a _pen_ in math class.

 “A pen Dave!” He whined.

            You rolled your eyes and told them that Karkat really is a good guy. Or that’s what you’ve been led to believe. Granted, in class and other times around the school you had seen him, he had been more short and gruff towards you. You know it had been just an act though.

            Classes had been going over well too. You were more aware of what had been happening and, therefore, were getting higher grades on the few pop quizzes. Not only that, but you were understanding the homework better, and actually doing it. Everything had been so good.

            Then the other shoe finally dropped. It feels as if every single one of your teachers were after you today, you swear. A pop quiz covering shit you didn’t remember and completely bombed in first period, an exam in second period that you were completely unprepared for. An English paper you didn’t remember ever being assigned due today. It makes you stress and your stomach knots up.

            You feel an itch under your skin and you try your damnedest to not think about it. You pinch and scratch at your arms, jiggle your legs at an intensity that you hadn’t known you were previously capable of. Several students sitting near you give you funny looks and god, _you can’t fucking stand it._ You grab your shit and shove it into your backpack. In the process of stuffing the notebooks into the confines of your raggedy as fuck backpack you notice the small baggy you hadn’t given to Karkat.

            You get a hall pass and take off to the secluded bathroom on the other side of the campus. It’s where you would always go for this. You lock yourself in a stall and pull out the bag. You shouldn’t do this, you don’t need to, _you promised you wouldn’t_. You stare at the bracelet wrapped around your wrist. _You promised him._ Your brain goes on autopilot and gets that shit ready for you to take in. You struggle with yourself as you bring out the lighter. _You promised!_ You fail to fight off the itch, and light up. Inhale. Exhale. It’s simple and easy. In. Out. It’s already taking the edge off.

            You sit there, breathing deeply and staring at everything but the bracelet around your wrist. Just its weight alone makes a piece of you terribly guilty. A piece, that is slowly being smothered by the smoke that fills your lungs. You watch distantly as each exhale sends it back out and coiling up to the ceiling. You stay in that dingy bathroom until the bell rings out.

            With a sluggish body, you bring yourself up and leave the bathroom. You watch the people mill about for a moment as you try to orient yourself in the direction you should go. You spot John and a few of his football teammates heading to the cafeteria. You nod to yourself, _that’s_ _right, lunchtime._ You wait for the crowd to thin out a bit and head over to your locker. You don’t really remember why you needed to go that way, until you see Karkat waiting a bit impatiently there. _Fuck._

“Hey.” You mumble, hoping that maybe he won’t notice. Karkat looks over at you and smiles softly.

 “Hey ready t—” He stops suddenly. The smile he had falls and he looks hurt.

 “What?” You try to play it off.

 “I can smell it on you,” He says. “You’re straight out of a closed up place aren’t you?” You can’t give him an answer, instead choosing to stare at the floor and fiddle with the bracelet.

 “Guess its back to day zero.” He sighs. You try to not curl inwards on yourself.

 “You had been doing so well too…” He mumbles. You bite down on your lip and try to ignore the way those words cut at you. Karkat looks at you; fuck you can _feel_ the disappointment in it.

 “You said you threw it all out. You said you’d call if something fucking happened. You promised you’d try your damn hardest.” He crosses his arms and turns his attention to the lockers. _This isn’t fair!_

 “How the hell am I supposed to call you during school?” You say.

 “It doesn’t take much to send a damn text. Or hey, lock yourself in the goddamn bathroom and do it. But I guess you can’t be fucking bothered to try when your other option is lighting up this shit.” He snaps at you, glaring over at you. You click your teeth together and flex the muscles in your jaw.

 “You should just go home. Before you get fucking caught like this.” Karkat sighs. You manage to bring a shoulder up and letting it fall, showing how little you really cared about that right now. He frowns at you and shakes his head.

 “Do whatever the hell you want today then.” He turns around and leaves you. You ball your hands into tight fists, digging the nails into the flesh of your palms. _You’re such a fucking disappointment._ You decide against lunch, not like it would stay down if you went. You move your slow legs outside.

            You lean against a wall, watching everyone enjoy whatever the fuck it was for lunch today. _It smells gross anyway_ , you pick at your shirt and pants. _This isn’t fair! What did I do?_ A part of you screams, and you find your nails clawing into your neck and arms. Your hands shake as you drop them and you force yourself to breathe in the air around you. _Maybe he’s right; you should get out of here._

            You shove your hands into your pockets and make your way towards the main exit of the school. The guards will be rotating shifts in a few minutes, and cameras are only running in the courtyard and cafeteria. You’ll just slip by without anyone noticing. Maybe Bro will get another call about your sudden disappearance, but you doubt he even listens to the voicemails they leave. Your shoulder collides with another student and you mumble a quiet apology.

 “God, it touched me!” The guy says, you think its some douche Gilbert.

 “Ew, you’re gonna like, get infected and shit.” His girlfriend or something says. You sigh and just wait for them to leave.

 “He probably like gave you the hive or ads.” She gives you a dirty look.

 “Think it’s like a werewolf thing? Get rid of the source it’d go away?” _Dear fucking god that’s not how it works._ Not that it really matters to them, or the slowly developing crowd. Gil-douche shoves at your shoulders, knocking you back a couple of steps.

 “Yeah you fuckin’ fairy, why don’t you like do everyone a favor?” The girl says.

 “Just leave me alone.” You sigh, you don’t feel up to dealing with this bullshit.

 “Or what huh? Send your whore brother our way? We’re so scared.” Gilbert pushes you again. You glare at him, _Strike one_ , no one talks shit about your bro. The crowd is now encircling you three, ready for the fight to break out.

 “C’mon. Fuckin’ fag aint nothing but a pansy.” The girl says. You kick Gilbert in the shin as hard as possible. You won’t hit her but you’ll be damned if you give the guy any mercy. You have a zero tolerance for it. Gilbert yelps and flinches back, and his girl with her fucking five-inch nails swipes at you. And by five inches you really mean probably one inch, but fucking werewolf claws are terrifying coming at your face either way. While you’re a bit lost in thought, her nails cut into your jaw with a harsh slap-scratch combo she probably learned from other girls.

            You do manage to dodge her next few swipes before Gilbert tries to throw a few punches. Those you block rather easily, his swings are sloppy. You go to return a punch, getting close to his body before the Catwoman in training grabs and twists your wrist the wrong way. You let a small pained whine slip past, and don’t quite duck fast enough to avoid her fist. Her ring of death connects with your brow and you can feel the blood ooze out of the now broken skin.

 “C’mon baby! You got him!” She calls out to Gilbert over the chanting of the students. You dazedly look around for him, and barely spot him in time before he kicks at you. You move away a bit slower than normal, his foot grazing the side of your leg, and swing your good fist at him. He ducks but your fist connects, but not to him. Your fist goes right into the face of the person standing right behind him. A person who goes down in a stream of loud and colorful curses and swears and shit you think he’s made up. You just punched Karkat in the face.

            You’re stunned to say the least, watching the way Karkat clutches his face and starts cursing in what you’re assuming is Spanish. You only recognize a couple of the words. Campus guards are there shortly afterward to break up the last of the crowd. One hauls Karkat back to his feet while another is dismissing Wolverine and her useless man. The other remaining guard is giving you a serious talk about the consequences of your actions and _blah blah blah_ , you aren’t really paying him any attention.

            You and Karkat are lead to the nurse’s office, and the two of you receive detention slips from the guards. Yours is handed to you with a reminder that this is your final warning. You roll your eyes and go to make sure Karkat is all right. He’s pushing a small sandwich bag, with the three maximum ice cubes allowed, to his face and gives you a glare. You try to mumble an apology but the nurse is busy making you sit so she can patch you up. She slaps a Band-Aid to your brow, tuts over your busted lip, and places another small bag of ice onto your wrist. She’s quick to usher the two of you out.

 “Karkat I—” You start to say.

 “Save it.” He snaps. You get quiet immediately. He storms off to his next class, the one you both share, as the bell rings. You sigh and look at your detention slip. You have it for sixth hour, which is two classes from now. You trudge your way to your Chemistry class, hoping that maybe that one guy in yellow has taken your spot next to Karkat again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the-help-goblin.tumblr.com


	10. Hellooooo Nurse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Mentions of Cutting  
> \- Mentions of Self harm  
> \- Almost another fight  
> \- Homophobia/homophobic slurs

             You are now currently sitting in detention with Karkat. The only other guy in here is passed out on the desk. The guy has ink from fingertips that runs up and disappears under his shirtsleeves only to reappear around his neck, and while you can’t really see his face you recall that he has light freckling on his face. You do not know why he’s here but you get the sneaking suspicion that it might have to do with some dress code violation, especially with all that ink.

            Besides staring at various things and the poor guy, for the past hour, you’ve been trying to apologize to Karkat. He just clenches his jaw shut and glares at the clock, refusing to acknowledge you. His left eye is now swollen shut and bruised. The teacher had left ten minutes into the detention after signing you all in.

 “I said I was sorry.” You whisper to Karkat

 “‘Sorry’ means shit to me right now. So shove the words back down your throat before you get us in trouble for talking.” He hisses back. You roll your eyes, you doubt ink-boy would tell.

 “Still sorry.” You mumble.

 “It’s fine,” He sighs softly and looks over at you. “Promise me this is the last time.”

 “The last time fighting or…?” You trail off.

 “Or.” He says with a frown. A frown that gets a bit deeper the longer you remain silent.

 “Maybe.” You say. He pouts and slides a bit closer to you.

 “You have to throw what you have left away. You promised.”

 “It’s all gone now.” You tell him.

 “I’m checking when we get back.” He says.

 “A’ight.” You shrug and tap your foot. Karkat stares at the ceiling for a while.

 “You had been doing so well.” He murmurs.

 “It was a shit day.”

 “There are no excuses. None Dave. Not a single fucking one that counts.” He looks back over at you. You set your head on the desk and hum softly. You can hear Karkat’s sigh and ink-boy’s snoring.

 “How much longer?” You ask.

 “About a half hour? Should we wake that guy up?” Karkat looks over at him.

 “Nah, he probably needs it.” You hum and Karkat nods. _Sleep sounds so good right now_ , you yawn. Karkat stands up and grabs his phone and ID off the front desk. You don’t want to bore yourself for the next thirty minutes so you get up and follow his lead, pocketing your own phone and ID.

 “So…now what?” You ask.

 “Now home. The fucker had been gone for almost an hour; the damn busses must be running already so fuck this. I’m out.”

 “A’ight. I’m down for that.” You shrug.

 “Good, cause I have to fix your brow and lip. That nurse did a horrible job.” He swings his backpack on.

 “I can do it myself.” You hum.

 “Not with that fucked up wrist.” Karkat says flicking your poor, most likely sprained wrist. You wince and hiss softly.

 “That’s what I thought. Let’s go.” He says, leading the way out. You hold your wrist close to your body and mumble under your breath a variety of things.

 “Maybe we can fix that eye of yours too.” You say as the two of you put distance between yourselves and the school.

 “Hopefully before Kankri gets home. I’m going to have to come up with one hell of an explanation.” He sighs.

 “You got punched. Why do you need an explanation?”

 “Because he’s going to ask who and why and in full fucking detail of what happened.”

 “Of course.” You hum. Karkat’s brother seemed to genuinely care a lot about what happens to him, it makes you a tad bit jealous. The feeling soon dissipates the longer the two of you walk side by side.

 “How about this, you make sure you keep yourself clean for a week, and I’ll treat you to dinner. Whatever the fuck it is you want too.” Karkat looks over at you.

 “Sounds good to me I guess.” You shrug slightly.

 “Once you have a month down, we’ll see.” He says nudging your arm gently with a small smile. You give him a soft smile of your own. And then you yet again collide with someone. It makes your frustrated; _you’re really here not intangible._

 “Watch where you’re going fucking faggots.” The person says. You draw your arm back, ready to introduce this asshat’s face to your fist. Karkat’s hand grabs your arm like a vice and when you give him a look he simply shakes his head. You don’t make a move to lower your arm; you really want to give them a quick punch.

 “What you wanna go? Got a fuckin problem?” They say.

 “Yes I got a fucking problem with insufferable whimsical load gaper of shits who like to pretend they own the damn city. So fuck off and keep walking pal.” Karkat says, now sharply tugging you along in the direction of home. Eventually you stop resisting his insistent pulling and walk beside him. You still want to hit something and you can feel yourself clenching and unclenching your fists. Karkat lets go of your arm and grabs onto your hand. Probably to make you stop.

 “It’s not worth it.” He tells you.

 “It’d be quick.”

 “And so would snapping your neck be too.” He looks over at you.

 “Yeah.” You say, stopping as he plants his feet into the ground. You puff your cheeks out and sigh.

 “How many fights have you been in Dave?”

 “Plenty,” You tell him. “Bro taught me how to fight back.”

 “And have you ever really won shit?”

 “Well a few times I got something out of it…” You try to recall those things. One was definitely your pencil sharpener that had been stolen by a bitch named Alexis. Granted, you were like five or six at the time, but still. Bro had chewed you out for several days for hitting a girl.

 “Besides a black eye Dave.” Karkat says flatly.

 “That’s different.”

 “Have you won any respect for it?” He asks. You can’t say you have, and you look away.

 “It’s not about seeing who can throw a punch or who can take a hit. It’s about being able to drop it when you know it’s not worth fighting for. And believe me, assholes like that are not worth their weight in shit. They aren’t worth your time.” He says before walking again. You mumble softly to yourself about how Karkat was probably right, while making faces at the back of his head for being right about it.

            You tire out and stop by the time his hands push open the lobby doors of the apartment complex. You mumble a vague ‘thanks’ as he waits patiently for you to step through. The two of you make your way to the elevator, the dastardly trap it is, and you find yourself hitting the call button every five seconds. Eventually you are just tapping the button quickly and Karkat reaches over and places his hand back over yours.

 “It’s been a rough day, no need to get the elevator stuck again.” He says, lightly pushing your hand away from the button. You kick the door in retaliation.

 “I know.” You grumble. Karkat steps inside when the doors finally part open, and you quickly slap your hand against the button for your floor. You are sick and tired of this day and just want to be home now. You glare at the control panel as it makes its slow trek upwards. You storm out once the uneventful ride is done and stomp your way to your apartment.

            Karkat winces slightly as you fling the door open and it cracks harshly against the wall. You’ll check to make sure the wall is fine later, and maybe get yelled at about the door’s treatment.

 “I’m home!” You call out, kicking your shoes off and flinging them into the void. You walk to your room, dropping your backpack in the hallway and flopping onto your bed face down. A soft groan makes it way past your lips and you hear Karkat make his way to your room.

 “Where’s the first aid kit?” He asks when he enters. You grunt and gesture over to your nightstand. He nods and you listen to him pull it open. _Wait. Fuck._ _That’s where you keep…_ You lie very still and hope he doesn’t see the blades inside. You hear him rummage around in it, _Oh fuck please don’t get cut,_ and then nudges the drawer shut. You feel him get onto the bed and you are tense, _fuck what will he think? Will he be mad and yell? Will he never talk to you again?_

 “Come here.” He says popping the kit open. You move slowly, a bit hesitantly, you are still waiting for his reaction. You sit still and he pulls out Band-Aids and Neosporin and Ace bandages. You measure your breaths, counting slowly to five with each inhale and exhale, and relax the muscles in your face to keep it neutral as possible. You’re totally not freaking out, not at all.

            Karkat reaches up and pushes your shades a bit farther down your nose, and gently brushes you hair out of his way. You comply with each small guiding touch and he hums in approval. You try not to squirm too much as he cleans up the cut and places a clean Band-Aid over it. You lean back when he pushes your shades back up your nose. You have actually calmed back down, if he hasn’t said anything yet maybe he didn’t see them.

            He scoots closer and tilts your chin up, running his thumb gently over your busted lip. You try to not stare at his lips and ignore the way you kinda maybe sorta want to find out how nice his lips would feel against yours. You also ignore the way you feel about kissing him in general and how you would go for it if he weren’t busy. He cleans the cut, and you flinch and hiss slightly. Karkat mumbles an apology, and eases the pressure.

 “’Skay.” You mumble.

 “I’d kiss it and make it better, but that placebo stops at what? The age of ten?” He hums and continues on. You close your eyes and twist your tongue around to distract yourself from the stings.

 “There,” He says leaning back. “No Band-Aid for that though, since I actually like talking with you.”

 “Oh really?” You tease. He rolls his eyes and picks up your arm. He very quickly makes a splint and wraps your wrist up. He pats your legs when he’s done, and shoves the unused pieces back into the kit.

 “Anything else nurse Vantas?” You ask.

 “Yeah. Can you get my phone from my backpack and something for my eye?” He says, throwing away wrappers. You nod and get up onto your feet.

            You go out to the living room and search his backpack for his phone. It takes a few tries to find the right pocket and you slip it into your pants pocket. Next stop is the freezer, which you are careful to open to avoid any weird things Bro might have stuck in there from falling out. You are a bit suspicious when nothing falls out and when you look inside it has nothing out of the ordinary. You shrug it off for now and reach for your prize, sitting in the door shelf, a tube sock full of rice.

            You take both of the items back to your room and toss them over to Karkat. He groans and doesn’t move to catch them, letting them bounce on your bed. You follow shortly afterwards, setting your head on his legs. You watch him type something out on his phone and then give the sock a questioning look.

 “It’s full of rice.” You tell him.

 “As long as it’s clean.” He shrugs and presses it against his eye. He pats your head with his free hand. Finally you have joined the head-patting club.

 “It might be a bit sweaty, but yeah clean.” You hum. You think he grumbles about something but he doesn’t clarify. The two of you sit in the silence for a bit, you feel tired and get comfy.

 “I would have never guessed that you had such a good left hook.” Karkat says, running fingers through your hair.

 “Like I said, Bro taught me swordplay and unarmed fighting.” You yawn.

 “Still. You have such tiny arms.” He says, pinching your bicep.

 “I do not.” You say a tad bit miffed. He hums and actually gives your arm a light squeeze. You stare at your arms, they do look small, but that’s just the sleeves. _Right?_

 “Are they really that small?” You ask him softly.

 “They look like long noodles in your shirt but damn,” He gives your arm a soft pat. “Bet you’d break my arm off if we arm wrestled.” You laugh.

 “What?” Karkat asks.

 “I’m not that strong.”

 “Then I must be one wimpy bastard.” He puffs his cheeks out and you shake your head. You don’t think he’s that wimpy.

 “If the time to open a jar comes, I hope you are around.” He says.

 “Oh my god.”

 “That’s exactly what I thought when I felt these arms.”

 “Mhmm, sure.” You hum and stare up at the ceiling. You hear him shift and set the now room temperature sock down. He moves to lay down next you and you make sure that there is room for him.

 “If you could change something on your body what would it be?” You ask him

 “Anything on my body?”

 “Yeah.” You nod. He chews on his lip as he thinks of an answer.

 “I’d change my shoulders…maybe my eyes.” You say, hoping it will help him have an answer of his own.

 “But your eyes are pretty cool. But I’d understand since you say the light makes it kind of hard to see.” He hums and you nod. You wait patiently for an answer.

 “I think I’d get rid of the bags under my eyes, or at least lighten them.” He says finally. You nod in agreement.

 “Do they go back to how they used to be if you actually get some rest?” Karkat asks you.

 “I think?” You say uncertainly. You watch as he brings his free hand up to wipe off some of the makeup off his eye. _Damn son,_ he looks ten times more tired now. He sighs and stares at the smudges on his fingertips. You nudge his side gently and he looks over at you. You give him a small smile and he sits up.

 “C’mon. Let’s make sure nothing you shouldn’t have is in here.” Karkat says, patting your leg. You roll your eyes and groan; you don’t want to get up. He gives you a look and you sit up and huff.

 “Fine. Sure.” You relent, ready to help him. He nods and gets up.

 “Where should we start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	11. Birbs in the Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Mentions of cutting  
> -Racial slurs  
> -Racism  
> -Cleaning  
> -Dead birds  
> -Animal death  
> -Drugs and Pornographic materials  
> -Bro Strider  
> -Cursing  
> -Some religion bashing

             You decide it best to avoid opening up your nightstand again, you don’t want to have that particular conversation with him just yet, and choose to start under your bed. You watch as Karkat slides off your bed and gets on to the floor, attempting to wiggle underneath it. You may or may not have stared at his ass for longer than you probably should have. It’s nice and it demands your attention, so it’s a bit hard for you to ignore it. You scoot to the edge of the bed and listen as to the rustling of items under your bed.

            He tosses you a couple of shirts and a lone sock. You don’t recall when you last worn either shirt or how long that sock had been under there. You fling the articles to the middle of your room; you’ll wash them later. He pops back out with a couple of shoe boxes, both of which were empty, and puts them on your bed before going back in.

 “Make sure you keep the clothes in one pile.” Karkat says.

 “I am, I am.” You say, shifting the boxes around and playing with them. You have stacked them and set them in the corner.

 “You are so original. Under the bed, really?” He says flatly.

 “What?” You lean over the edge. You don’t even know what’s under there anymore. He wiggles his way back out, a stack of magazines in his arms. Karkat gives you a look and waves a few. _Oh fuck, you forgot about the Playboys_.

 “Gotta play hetero huh?” He says, dumping the stack onto the bed.

 “Yeah.” You say with an awkward laugh. John had given you two of them as a joke and Bro, who had seen the whole thing, made it ten times worse by getting a full year subscription of them. It was horrible and embarrassing and you had elbowed John in the side the next time he tried to do it again.

            Karkat picks up one of them and flips through the pages. He shakes his head and you lean over to look. It’s got some woman, barely covered in her swimsuit, on the beach. You don’t know how people get their socks off on this.

 “Dude she looks too skinny. It’s a bit scary.”

 “If that’s how she likes it, it’s how it is. I don't see a problem with her size; it's just a damn number. No need to have anyone be your standard of what is pretty or what is proper material to beat your gross expired meat package to,” He flips a few more pages and frowns slightly. “Like if she were doing it for herself then fine I guess? But she's just being a shown as a piece of meat, like a poor buttered up crab ready for consumption. They really should have done something fucking different.” Karkat tosses the issue up onto the bed, trading it for another one.

 “The articles are interesting though.” He says and you hum. You had just shoved them away without really looking at them.

 “Keep in mind that these coupons for Viagra are two months old” He sticks his tongue out at you.

 “Ah. Ha. Ha. Ha. I’m not some old man. I don’t need no lil’ blue pills.” You roll your eyes.

 “I know, I know.” He snickers and gives you a look. You raise an eyebrow.

 “It’s really easy to get little you up.” He teases.

 “Nuh-uh.” You can feel the heat rise to your face.

 “Dude, all I had to do last time was straddle your hips and give you a good bite.” Karkat tosses the magazine at you.

 “I have a sensitive neck, that doesn’t count.” You puff your cheeks out and organize the magazines by month and issue number.

 “I hope you don’t mind me taking that to my advantage.” He hums, giving you a small smile. You don’t know how to respond and get up. Karkat moves to the other side of the room, picking up clothes and tossing them into the growing pile in the middle of your room. He has to dig out your trashcan from under another pile of clothes and various papers.

            You move school papers to your desk for now; everything else makes its way into the bin. He gives you a look when he picks up several food packages. You shrug in response, it’s not like you got ants in your room. Karkat takes your hand and places the wrapper in it. He proceeds to drag you to the trashcan and pats the back of your hand. You let go and drop it into the bin.

 “Good.” He hums.

 “Oh _boy_.” You say with heavy sarcasm.

 “Do it again. Get used to it.”

 “Yes ‘daddy’.” You roll your eyes.

 “Ew. No.” He shudders. You laugh and he shoves at your shoulders. He moves on to fix the few books and movies in the shelf under your turntables. You go through the papers currently on your desk, deciding which notes were useless and which ones you really should keep.

 “How did you even let your room get like this? I can’t stand my movies out of place, much less my clothes everywhere I step.” Karkat looks over at you and you head his way.

 “It’s a bit cozy.” You shrug. You room has always been messy, but regardless of how bad it was you knew where most of the shit you needed was. Besides, there was a path from your door to your bed, the most important path. You’ve tried to keep it clean before, but it’s never lasted for more than a few days.

 “If you like nesting and keeping your eggs hidden, maybe.” He rolls his eyes and makes a face at another wrapper.

 “Maybe I do.” You say, wiggling your eyebrows. You hold out the trashcan and he quickly tosses the wrapper inside. You watch him give the shelf an approving nod before pulling out a large case from the shelf.

 “Dude, are these like records?” He asks, pulling one out at random.

 “Yeah. They’re organized by color and coolness. So yeah, those are fine.” You tell him. He carefully slips the one in his hands back to its previous location; you give a slight sigh of relief that it’s right where it had been originally too.

 “So do you have like a record player then?” He asks, gently sliding the case back. You clear off the top of your turntables, tossing clothes to the pile and trash to the bin. Karkat gives it a surprised look.

 “Dude.” He looks over at you, almost awed.

 “Yeah.” You smile, feeling pride swell slightly in your chest. He stands up and leans over them, getting a better look at the equipment.

 “Alright, I will admit those are pretty cool. But I bet you suck balls trying to come up with something.” He gives you a playful nudge.

 “Oh please. I have learned a few tricks from the master, the master being DJ PuppetFreak, PuppetFreak being Bro.”

 “Never knew you’d be the type to call your brother ‘master’.” He teases.

 “Dude. No.” You say. There are some lines you just don’t cross; your personal sexual advances and your bro are two lines that will never meet at any point in time. They are two streams that will not be crossed, not even to save New York. Karkat snorts and nudges your side.

 “Go get something to dust those things, they look filthy.” He says. You go into the not-so-small pile of clothes and pull out what looks and smells to be a rather clean shirt. You offer it over to Karkat and he gives you a look.

 “No,” He says pushing it back to you. “Bring me a rag, some paper towels, a broom and like something to clean your desk and windows with.”

 “I don’t think we own a broom, or like Windex…we have soap and an ancient as fuck sponge that’s been here since forever.” You tell him, and he stares at you. It’s sadly true. Your apartment lacks quite a bit in the house upkeep supplies.

 “The sponge smells of death by the way.” You decide to warn. It’s gross and makes you want to gag sometimes and no matter how many times you wash your hands afterwards, the smell is stuck to your skin for the rest of the day. It makes you really wish you could actually use the damn dishwasher but Bro keeps it full of unnecessary crap. Karkat sighs and shoves his hands into his pockets.

 “Go to my place, then to the kitchen. Under the sink you’ll find everything you need.” He says handing you his keys.

 “Wait, why am I going?” You look at the keys and back to him.

 “’Cause I’m not letting you move anything in this room. I’m making sure you’re not hiding shit from me. But know this, if I go back to my place and _anything_ is missing, I’m subtracting trust points.” He crosses his arms, keys still dangling off his finger and offered to you.

 “Or y’know, yeah, I guess I’ll go… Just don’t toss shit without my permission.” You take the keys from him.

 “Yeah, yeah, yeah just go. You have ten minutes before I go looking for you. The broom should be in the laundry room. Go. Shoo. Now Dave.” He shoos you away with his hands.

 “I’m going, I’m going!” You roll your eyes and head out, mocking his tone with you as you leave. You pull your front door open and close it a bit harshly, making sure that Karkat hears you.

            While you personally aren’t fond of stairs, you know that in this instance they’re faster than waiting for the elevator. That and while the elevator is quite a bit down the hallway and to the right, the stairs are a couple of doors down from you. You move quickly to them and make your way up a level.

            You knock on his door before shoving the key into the knob and opening the door. You try to make the trip quick because, contrary to popular belief, you are _really_ fucking horrible at all things time related. You aren’t even sure how anyone thinks you’re good at it. So you _occasionally_ make a few lucky guesses and estimates, but so can anyone else really.

 “Hello?” You call out. You look around the area, looking for Karkat’s brother. When you don’t see him you go hunt down the broom. It wasn’t hard to find and you take it with you to where Karkat said the other cleaning supplies were. You kneel down at the sink, decide there are just too many fucking things in here, and shove them all into the bucket that’s under there. It takes a bit of maneuvering the bottles before you can get it all in but you manage. _Almost like 3D Tetris._

            You pick up the bucket and broom and walk out, nudging the door shut with a hip. You slide the bucket onto the broom to free up one of your hands to lock the door. While normally you probably wouldn’t, you decide to sling a leg over the broom handle and ‘fly’ off. Why? _Why the fuck not?_

 “Pchoo!” You say softly to yourself and take off down the stairs. Granted it isn’t the smartest of ideas, you luckily manage to get to your door without bodily harm. You push open your door, kick it shut behind you and continue to ride the broom into your room. Karkat looks over at you.

 “Get the fuck off that thing Harry Pothead, you’re going to bust a fucking nut.” You laugh and pass him the bucket, dismounting your chariot. You prop the broom over on the wall and he goes about dusting your room.

 “Did you know you had like twenty-four empty bottles of apple juice in here? Twenty-four Dave. _Twenty-four!_ ” He sounds mildly shocked at the amount. Granted you are too but for entirely different reasons.

 “Only that little? Damn I thought there was like fifty or something.” You say. He groans and shakes his head.

 “Go see what papers you can throw out. I put all the ones I found on your desk, I already checked the drawers too.” He shoos you off in that direction. You roll your eyes but inspect the papers anyway. A good portion of them is half thought out raps, drawings, and other weird musings that actually made it onto paper. The rest is just notes and other boring school stuff. You sort the pile out and end up throwing most of it away.

            You hear your closet door creak open, _fuck when did the door get fixed_ , and you make you’re way back over to Karkat. He’s actually a bit pale when you look at him, _oh please don’t puke_.

 “What’s up?” You ask. _If you puke, I’ll puke and then neither of us will be having fun._

 “What is with all the fucking jars? Ew. Dude. No. Are—Are those…birds? Oh god no.” He stares at the jars housing said birds, the birds staring back at him.

 “Oh! Yeah! Fuck, I forgot those fuckers were in there.” You don’t fight the smile that spreads across your face. You loved those feathery assholes.

 “And I thought I had seen it all when Gamzee showed me his collection of shrunken heads.” Karkat murmurs.

 “What? Why does he have shrunken heads? Aren’t those, I dunno, illegal?” You look over at him.

 “Not if it’s being used as art. Don’t ask me how I know,” He reaches out and carefully lifts a jar up. “Why?”

 “Why heads or why birds?” You try to clarify.

 “Why birds? I mean, Gamzee’s heads were given to him by his Grandpapi, I doubt your Tata gave these to you.” Karkat looks over at you.

 “Tata?” You place your hands over your chest. _Wha—Oh wait._ Karkat rolls his eyes.

 “Oh yeah, gramps. Yeah no. Most of these birds just kind of took their last flight in my general direction. Like some hit my bedroom window, some kamikaze’d into a wall near me, others were just dead in the street.”

 “And so you took pity on their tiny corpses and stuffed them in a jar with some, what is it, vinegar? Wow Dave. Just no.” He sets the jar down, making a grossed out face and shuddering.

 “Well one, it’s not vinegar, and two if it makes it any better that one is Edgar.” You gesture to the bird.

 “Oh my god, you gave it a name.” He looks over at you.

 “Well yeah.”

 “Okay so, you are some sort of dead bird collecting DJ who gets off on apple juice and playboy magazines. Wow Dave. You must sleep so well at night.”

 “I don’t get off on playboys, but yeah sure. Sleep like a baby.” You hum, _for the most part at least._

 “Lucky.” He mumbles, picking up another jar and examining the bird within.

 “That one is Allen.” You tell him.

 “Poor Allen. Bet you didn’t even want that lame ass name.” He pouts and baby talks to it. You roll your eyes and he shakes the jar lightly.

 “No! It’s a fucking lame ass name, free me Karkat,” He says in a silly voice. “Oh I wish I could buddy, sorry my pals are such fucking weirdos.”

 “If you break it, you’re getting me a new one.” You warn.

 “So I break this, and you want my little birdy in a jar? I see.” He looks over at you and wiggles his eyebrows, a thing he’s picked up from you.

 “Oh my god.” You groan. He snorts and sets the bird down.

 “You know, one would think the faces you make would be masked because of those shades but you make really funny ones now and then.” Karkat says, digging deeper into your closet.

 “Uh huh, sure I do.” You cross your arms and hope he doesn’t get hurt in there.

 “Yeah you do. It’s kind of cute really.” He drags a few boxes out from the depths. You puff your cheeks out and he shrugs.

 “Nuh uh.” You say. He rolls his eyes and opens up one of the boxes. He immediately holds back a laugh and it’s so obvious.

 “What?” You ask. He pulls out a wad of photographs from the box.

 “Oh my god, what were you thinking?” He flips through a few of them and snickers. You roll your eyes, who knows which one he’s grilling.

 “What, do you think you’re Rose DeWitt Bukater? Or someone’s actual French girl?” Karkat snorts. You mock his tone again.

 “Just shut it.” You mumble, feeling the heat rise to your face. He flips through a few more, laughter dying back down.

 “This one’s cool.” Karkat says, stepping closer to you.

 “Hmm?” You look down at the picture currently in his hands. It’s some sort of sunset from the rooftop of the building. Light filtered in between the almost silhouetted towers across the street. Clouds stained pink and orange against the fading blue of the sky. You try to recall when you took it, how that day had been or how you had felt in that moment.

            Karkat continues to go through them, most of which were more interesting than the pictures of you. You vaguely remember some of the places you had been, the fuzzy memories of the days, maybe some feelings you had during the pictures. Like the one from the park, a single flower growing out of a bush. A picture of fish in a pond, in which Bro had taken you to the next city over for a day and the two of you relaxed without a care in the world. The one with a girl sitting alone on a bench, and you had wondered if you’d ever stop being weird and start liking girls like you were supposed to.

            Karkat flips another one over, revealing a picture of you again. You had held the camera as high up as you could and took a picture of yourself while lying down.

 “How old were you here? Twelve? Thirteen? You look so young and nerdy.” He says, slight smile on his lips.

 “Probably yeah. As you can tell I have become much less dorkier with age, like a fine wine.” You snicker.

 “Were you locked in a basement in order to give you more flavor too? Ah yes, what a fine story of ‘Cask of Amontillado’ Dave. Tragic yet beautiful.” He rolls his eyes.

 “Yeah, obviously.” You say. He hums and flips through a few more.

 “Hey, is this your brother?”

 “Yeah, that’s him.” You say. It’s some dorky picture you had convinced him to take with you.  The two of you are standing in the bathroom, shirtless, and flexing your arms in the mirror. You look like a tiny little dork standing next to him; while he had defined muscles your arms were noodles. You can recall vague memories of sitting on his back while he would do pushups when you were little, just as you can remember that this picture you had taken only a couple of month before you had started cutting. It’s a sobering thought, and makes your guts twist up inside you.

 “He has cheated the system and still looks like that.” You finally murmur.

 “So when do I get to meet the hotter Strider?” Karkat asks.

 “Oh ow. Yeah. I see how it is. Leave me for my bro.” You say in a fake hurt tone.

 “I was honestly expecting a,” He wraps an arm around your shoulder. “‘He’s already here babe’.” He says, mocking your accent.

 “I do not sound like that.” You puff your cheeks out. He clears his throat.

 “Ah, yeah ya do.” He pulls off a very scary good impression of your voice.  _Oh dear god, he's actually practiced it._

 “Oh my fuck, no. Stop.”

 “What? Can’t handle some Southern charm?” He asks, still using your voice. He pulls his other arm around your neck.

 “No I can handle Southern charm, I can’t handle you pulling it off better than me.” You say. He scoffs.

 “It saves my ass sometimes.” Karkat shrugs. You want to ask what he means by that, but you are enjoying how close he is. He looks around your room and you casually bring your arms around his waist. Karkat rests his chin on your shoulder and shifts his arms a bit, making the slightly awkward hold more comfortable. You smile softly _this is nice_. He hugs you lightly.

 “Well, that’s your whole room. And it’s drug free.”

 “Yeah.” You hum and rest your head on his.

 “Promise that’s all of it and you’re not hiding shit from me?” He asks.

 “Mhmm.” You nod. He leans back and looks at your face.

 “Promise next time you have a shitty as fuck day, you’ll call or text me? No drugs, no alcohol, no giving up.”

 “…Yeah I promise.” You chew on your lip slightly.

 “Promise?” He says in a more serious tone.

 “Promise.” You nod.

 “Alright then, back to day zero.”

 “Right…” You sigh.

 “You better get an entire week down this time. You fucking got this. If you feel an itch, go make some music, or take fucking pictures, or hell go pick up a dead bird.” He says. You laugh softly.

 “Yeah, okay.” You agree. He eventually lets go of you and you don’t actually want to let him go just yet. Your arms drop after a few moments, hoping Karkat doesn’t think you held for too long. He hums and puts everything back into the bucket. The two of you make your bed and you shove your clothes into the washing machine.  When you come back Karkat is sweeping your floor, you don’t know why, _it’s carpet after all_ , but you let him do what he feels needed to be done.

            Karkat heaves a tired sigh and flops down onto your bed after propping the broom up. You join him on the bed, curling up next to him. He shifts enough so that he can rest his head on yours stomach and you reach down and pet his hair.

 “Well, there you go, a clean room. You better keep it this way.” He hums.

 “I’ll try, but that I make no promises on.” You chuckle.

 “Well next time you’re doing it all on your fucking own.” He gives you a look the best he can while laying like this. Your stomach decides to join in on the debate and release a loud growl in your favor. You are now dead. Karkat laughs loudly and you cover your face.

 “Dave.” He pats your stomach softly.

 “Yeah, food.” You nod.

 “Well, it’s payday tomorrow, so I got nothing back at my place. You got anything to work with?” He asks.

 “Fungus. Most likely.” You think of the freshest thing to go into your fridge, which had been take out three days ago.

 “Yum.” Karkat rolls his eyes.

 “Hold on.” You say as you get up off the bed. You walk over to your desk and wiggle the drawer open. Karkat sits up and gives you a questioning look as you dig down into the drawer. You manage to pull from the depths a medium bag of Doritos and jerky. You offer him the choices.

 “Okay, yeah, why not.” He says clearly not amused.

 “I mean, there should be like two other things like this in there, but these were the first I grabbed.”

 “Well damn, I didn’t see them there when I checked.” He crosses his arms.

 “They were buried under several layers of school work.”

 “Mhmm. Okay, don’t think I’m fucking dissing your potato chip and jerky diet, but don’t you like have anything for me to cook up? I mean that is fine for a snack but I am a growing boy Dave. I don’t want to be short all my life.”

 “I’m not allowed to use the stove.” You tell him. It had been an accident; you didn’t mean to set the plastic package so close to the burners.

 “Wow.” He deadpans.

 “So, leftovers.” You shrug.

 “Come on. No one said I couldn’t use the stove.” He scoffs. You sigh and lead him into the kitchen. Casual observation of the room tells you that you should probably do those dishes today, but they can wait for another day or two if necessary. Karkat simply stares into your kitchen and then slowly turns to you.

 “What?” You ask. He retreats back into your room and returns back, bucket in hand and determination on his face.

 “Your life is a mess.” Karkat tells you.

 “How?”

 “Where to begin…” He murmurs, setting the bucket down on the counter. He digs around in it, locates a few things and begins scrubbing down the countertop.

 “What are you doing? Why are you doing this? You are going to hurt yourself.” You watch as the counter actually changes color.

 “The only thing hurting me is this mess. It hurts my eyes Dave, and it hurts my heart seeing you live with a messy ass kitchen. Dave you eat here!” He moves onto the stovetop.

 “Actually we eat out, or like at the table in the living room. Occasionally, we use dishes.” You tell him. Karkat seems to ignore you as he starts stacking up your dishes and finishes up the last of the countertops.

 “Dude.” You try to snap him out of it but he just keeps going, like an Energizer bunny crossbred with Scrubbing Bubbles, now scrubbing down some plates in the sink.

 “Okay, no. Stop.” You reach out and grab him by the shoulders.

 “Hey, I’m not done.” He looks up at you.

 “You have fulfilled your stereotype quota for the day.”

 “What?” He asks, confused.

 “Go sit.” You start to nudge him in the right direction.

 “No, I’m finishing up, and then I’ll see what I can make for lunch. Dude some people do drugs, some dance, I clean when I’m stressed and this mess makes me stressed.”

 “ _You_ are gonna sit out the cleaning part and _I’m_ gonna fix the mess.” You push him away from the sink now.

 “Dude I’m almost done, I just have to do the rest of these dishes.” Karkat struggles to get back to the sink.

 “I can do that.”

 “You haven’t though. It’s fine, seriously.”  
  
 “No man.” You hip check him away again.

 “It fucking helps.”

 “Go sit.”

 “Bro.”

 “Bruh.”

 “I’m not sitting! It doesn’t matter! I’ll let you dry!” He tugs at your shoulders.

 “Oh my god, I will _glue_ _you to a chair!_ ”

 “Why does it fucking matter, oh my god!?”

 “Just go _sit!_ I got this!” You give him a serious look. Karkat looks you dead in the eyes and scrubs another plate. You groan loudly.

 “No! Stop!” You take the plate from him and then throw him over your shoulder. He gives you a not-so-manly screech before clinging tightly to you.

 “Dave! It was just one plate! Oh my fucking god! Put me down!”

 “No! I’m gonna finish it up and _you’re_ just gonna sit tight,” You set him down on your couch. “Right here.” He doesn’t let go of you though, and just becomes dead weight in your arms. You huff and flop onto him then. _Two can play at this game._ He grunts at the added weight.

 “Daaaaaave!” He whines.

 “Nope.” You will not move into he agrees to stay put. He groans.

 “You know, some people _pay_ people like me to do this sort of thing. And here I am doing it for free and you don’t want it.”

 “Yep.”

 “This is how mothers must feel, they work so hard and get so little.” He puffs his cheeks out.

 “I dunno man, I got Bro.”

 “And look at the mess he has!” He glares up at you.

 “Yeah. He’s a great Bro Mama.”

 “Bro Mama? Okay. No.”

 “Yeah man.” You nod against him.

 “It sounds too close to _‘Broma’_ , which is exactly what he is. You know what _Broma_ is in the tongue of my people Dave? It means ‘joke’. That’s what this is, it’s a fucking joke!” He glares at you.

“Wow. You are just being horrible. Like Jesus man, you need a backrub and some hot tea, maybe a nice soak in the tub.”

 “That honestly sounds very nice, but right now I have to clean and baby sit your ass.” He sighs.

 “Or, you could totes sit here, _I_ clean, and when I’m done help you out with your back?” You offer. Karkat is silent for a few moments and you patiently wait for his answer.

 “Fine.” He relaxes and lets go of you. You smile.

 “Good. Sit.” You boop his nose, and lean back.

 “Arf.” His glare finally softens a bit. You wiggle your eyebrows and stand up. Karkat rolls his eyes and shoves you towards the kitchen before lying down on the couch and admiring your kunai stricken ceiling fan.

            You hum as you scrub off who knows what off the plates and into soapy water. It might not be on par with Karkat’s standards but it’s at least cleaner than before. Hell, he might’ve busted out the bleach just to clean these up. It takes you a bit, some of the food more crusted on than others but eventually you’re left drying and shoving them back inside cabinets for once. You give the kitchen a look over before pulling the plug out of the sink and letting the water drain out.

            You stretch your back and head out to the living room. When you peek over the back of the couch you see Karkat curled up in a tiny little ball, dead asleep. You find it to be cute as fuck, and go to get him a blanket to keep warm. You drape it over him carefully, trying not to wake him up, and curl up on the other end of the couch. He reaches out and brings the blanket as close as possible to himself. _It’s fucking cute; he’s like a hamster._ You close your eyes, only intending on resting them.

You think you fall asleep for a bit, you aren’t fully sure. It felt more like blinking really. You only wake up to the sounds of a ringtone that definitely isn’t one of yours, not that you ever really take your phone off vibrate. A few seconds later, Karkat is trying to untangle himself from his blanket prison and grab his phone.

 “Fucking globe-tickling ball-humping hooch-stench,” He groans loudly and you are pretty certain half of those weren’t even things. “Hi! Yes! Fuck sorry, I know!” He shouts and looks over at you.

 “Hmm?” You raise an eyebrow. He groans softly.

 “Okay yeah sorry. I know!” He moves his phone to his other ear and frees himself fully from the blanket. Karkat waves goodbye and quickly leaves.

 “Oh, okay. Later.” You say to the closed door. You hear loud groaning from just outside before he slams it back open and entering. Karkat is still on the phone and makes his way over to you.

 “And you’re back.” You say. He proceeds to shove his hands into your pockets.

 “Oh. Hey. Woah.” You manage to protest slightly.  
  
 “Yes! I know, I said I was sorry! I’m here! I’m almost there, calm down,” He yells at the person on the other line. “Keys, keys Dave.” He tells you before groaning again. You try to make yourself useful, but he retrieves his keys from your pocket.

 “Kankri calm down!” He shouts. He quickly tugs you closer, kisses your temple and is back out the door.

 “…Wait, what?” You lightly touch your temple. You’re confused as hell, but damnit it makes you crack a slight smile and leaves you feeling pleased and fuzzy. You pick up the harshly discarded blanket and wrap yourself up in it. You’re still smiling as you fall back asleep.

            When you wake up this time it’s to a knock on your door. A glance at the broken, yet somehow still functioning clock, tells you that several hours have passed by this time. You bundle your blanket up around you some more and hobble over to the door. You open it to a slightly red in the face, _cute as fuck blushing_ , Karkat.

 “Oh. Hey.” You eloquently say.

 “Hey, um, sorry I just left you like that.” He shrugs slightly, staring at the doorframe.

 “Nah man, its ‘kay. I mean, I got a sweet as fuck kiss out of it.” You hadn’t intended on saying that last part and almost instantly want to shove your foot into your mouth. Karkat turns and even brighter shade of red.

 “It’s out of habit…Gamzee complains if he doesn’t get one when I leave.”

 “See, it’s things like that, that make it seem like you two are dating. Or at least are more than just best friends.” You tell him.

 “He’s just a very affectionate friend, and so far I have no problems with it.” He sighs and finally looks up at you. You suddenly notice the small little beauty mark by the corner of his eye.

 “Anyways, I made you some dinner. I hope you didn’t stuff your face with just chips and jerky when I left.” Karkat says. You pop your head further out of your blanket burrito.

 “Nah man. Whatcha got?” You ask.

 “Spaghetti.” He offers you a bag.

 “Fuck yeah.” You free your arms and take the spaghetti from him.

 “So…yeah.” He fidgets slightly.

 “Thanks man, I have no clue when Bro’s getting back home.”

 “It should be enough for two, Kankri wanted to make sure you had enough after I had mentioned you lived with your brother. And after he decided to fuss about my eye and I bullshitted a story to him. I don’t know, feed him, have seconds, or do what you want.” He hums.

 “A’ight, thanks.” _You are going to eat all of this._ Karkat nods and leans towards you. You go to meet him halfway when he suddenly pulls back and awkwardly waves.

 “Later.” You nod, and he quickly shuffles down the hallway. You ignore the small pang in your chest and close the door.

            You eat most of the spaghetti Karkat has made and pull out your homework from your backpack. You really should be doing it more often, but now is a good time to start back up. You are about one-third of the way done when the door swings open. Bro walks in, carrying some of his gear in one arm and a bag of takeout in another. You would ask if he needed help but he makes his way over to the kitchen counter without so much as a glance or peep in your direction. You take this to mean that he’s got it.

            He comes back, setting the bag down on the table and flopping onto the couch. Bro takes out the box he wants from the bag and his chopsticks before finally acknowledging your presence in the room. You nod over at him and go back to your work. He reaches out and grabs your chin, turning you to face him again.

 “Been makin’ out at school again, huh lil’ man?” He clicks his tongue at the sight of your busted lip and brow.

 “No.” You make a face at him. Bro lets go of your face and goes back to picking at his box.

 “Then what? Were ya tryin’ ta smooch a dog again?”

 “Again?” You do not recall ever attempting to kiss a dog. He nods though.

 “Tha’s how ya got that scar on yer wrist.” He points to where it would be on your arm. You had almost asked which one, but thankfully you can avoid that conversation for another day.

 “You were like, four, so I can’t blame ya if you don’ remember. But I sure as hell remember the scare ya gave me.” He sighs softly.

 “Bet it was terrifying…” You mumble, filling out some more questions on your homework.

 “Anyways,” Bro fishes out the other box and sets it down in front of you, next to your homework. “Got ya some of yer favorite. You must be starvin’. Sorry I got here so late.” He says. You look at the box and chew on your lip, feeling a bit guilty.

 “I…already ate.” You tell him.

 “Already ate?” He raises a brow.

 “Yeah.”

 “Did ya stop for a burger on yer way home from school?” He asks.

 “A goblin came and gave me food.”

 “A goblin? What?” He looks over at you. You gesture to the ceiling, thinking he’d get the hint.

 “Ah yes. The Great Goblin from upstairs. Le’s thank him before we continue eatin’.” He says. You roll your eyes.

 “Bless this food oh Great Goblin in the sky. A’ight. Amen. Dig in.”

 “He and his brother made spaghetti.” You tell him, _Please stop_.

 “So then it’s the father, the son, and the holy bro? Awesome.” Bro nods and continues eating.

 “Yeah. Sure.” You hum, finishing up another page and completely done with Bro for the night.

 “So lemme get this straight. The goblin gave ya food.”

 “Mhmm.” You write down another answer.

 “And so Imma guess that same goblin cleaned the kitchen and sat ya down ta do yer homework? We shoulda switched religions a long time ago. Somethin’ here is workin’.” He says. You roll your eyes and stifle a soft groan.

 “That. Or. Yer crushin’ on the goblin.”  He smirks.

 “Or, and this is just y’know an idea, no.” You look over at him.

 “And he’s movin’ yer rug.”

 “Nope.”

 “So yer tryin’ ta impress him, makes more sense ta me that way, yup.”

 “No I’m not.”

 “Yeah ya are, dude.” He chuckles lightly.

 “I’m not.”

 “S’like the only way to motivate ya.”

 “No it isn’t.” You argue.

 “Yeah it is. I got ya to get a hair cut a few years back ‘cause I told ya Johnny boy would like it.”

 “Jesus fuck.” You sigh.

 “Y’know it’s true. So spill them beans Dave.”

 “It’s not.” Your tone is rising. Bro makes kissy faces at you.

 “There are no beans to spill! People are facing bean shortages around the world. Hispanic people are crying into empty tortilla shells. White people are bitching at Wal-Mart for their lack of beans to go with their collared greens and spinach. The bean disease is starting to spread into other roots that are classified as vegetables. Pretty soon we will be facing potato and carrot shortages, _and will you stop that!_ ” You screech as he makes loud smooching noises over your rambling. You chuck your pencil over at him.

 “Shut up!” You yell. He catches the pencil and snaps it in half, chucking the pieces aside. You pout slightly, _you liked that pencil_ , and try to ignore the heat on your face.

 “Lemme know how it goes.” Bro teases, chuckling under his breath.

 “OH. My god.” You almost slam your head into the table, just to hopefully knock yourself out and pretend this never happened. Bro just grabs his food and makes his way back to his room.

 “It’s not like that!” You shout in that direction. You can hear the loud ironic laughter from his room before the door shuts. You are left in an uncomfortable, confused mess of emotions.

 “…Is it?” You ask no one, staring down at the bracelet that’s still wrapped around your wrist. You chew on your lip and puff your cheeks out. You try to sort through the feelings that were just dumped onto you. You are so concentrated on it that you nearly fly five feet into the air at the sound of your phone rattling on the table. You unlock the thing and open up the new awaiting message, _speak of the devil_.

  ** _‘HEY DID I LEAVE MY HOODIE AND BACKPACK OVER THERE??’_ ** You glance up and see Karkat’s backpack by the front door. You get up and check your room for his hoodie. You pull it on and take an ironic selfie after finding it. You send the picture over.

  ** _‘yep both are over here’_ ** You don’t take it off, it’s comfortable and warm and it smells like him. All of which are pluses.

  ** _‘YEP. THAT’S MINE. KEEP IT SAFE FOR ME UNTIL TOMORROW?’_** He sends back. You flop onto your bed, deciding homework can be completed later and that sleep is an essential thing to be doing.

  ** _‘promise’_**

**_‘THANKS.’_ **

**_‘no problem man’_** You curl up and nuzzle the collar of his hoodie.

  ** _‘good night <3’_**

 “Fuck wait. No. Bad heart!” You tap uselessly at your phone as it sends the message.

  ** _‘GOODNIGHT DAVE.’_** Is the response and you almost want to die of embarrassment. A few seconds later another text from Karkat comes in.

  ** _‘SWEET DREAMS <3’_** You smile widely. _Fuck, he sent one back._ You try to calm yourself down. _It’s just a heart dude._

 “Irony. Yep.” You whisper to yourself. It doesn’t deter your mood and in the end you’re still way happier than you probably should be. You stick you phone on its charger and bury your face into his hoodie. When you fall asleep, you actually have good dreams for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	12. Cooking Mamá

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Food  
> -Spanish  
> -Racial slurs  
> -Slurs in Spainish  
> -Hints of domestic abuse  
> -Abusive Parent  
> -Sexual slurs  
> -Sexual conduct  
> -Alcohol and Drug Mention

             It has been almost a week and a half of sobriety and damn is it one hell of an accomplishment for you. You feel like Mr. Egbert when John does something good. You actually feel good about yourself, for the most part, anyway. You had reminded Karkat near the end of last week of his promise to treat you to something. He had told you to give him some time to scrounge up some money and he would take you to dinner or ice cream or whatever the fuck you wanted. The two of you are currently walking back from school; you are quietly organizing your thoughts and plan out what you are going to do with your homework, even though you probably won’t stick to it.

 “I can finally make good on my promise.” Karkat says, snapping you back into reality.

 “Huh?”

 “I can keep my promise to treat you Dave, so just tell me what you want to do. As long as it’s reasonable.” He says. You hum and think to yourself. You honestly don’t know what you want as a reward for good behavior, you aren’t sure what you could use to Pavlov yourself to be better. He waits for you to reflect though, thank god, because it takes who knows how long for you to reach a decision.

 “I want you to make something. I don’t know what, but you make good food.” You say. And really, _you’re just a sucker for home cooked meals_. Karkat does make some bomb ass food too. _That spaghetti he made the other day was fucking delicious_. If you have to bust out the Scooby Snacks, it might as well be some actual food. Karkat gives you a questioning look.

 “Do I? And here I was thinking your brother starved you to the point of you being forced to eat the filthy little scraps of shit I put together at the last minute in an attempt to be anywhere fucking near Kankri’s culinary skills. Edible yes, but ‘good? If the food I’ve made you is ‘good’ I’m so sorry for whatever else you’ve eaten before.”

 “Bro can make pancakes and that’s about it so,” You shrug. “Your food is pretty good.” As a kid you lived for Bro’s pancakes. It might be why, to this day, you always pick pancakes over waffles. As well as you getting way too excited when Bro gets hungover and actually makes them.

 “Alright but you’ll have to wait until we get home then.” Karkat hums and looks over at you.

 “A’ight.” You nod.

 “I have to see what we have and figure out what I’ll have to pull out of my ass to make something that looks as appetizing as my ass itself.” He says. You click your tounge.

 “I don’t know man, that’s going to be hard. I mean, you got one hell of an ass.” You watch him try to look over his shoulder at said ass, which makes you snicker softly.

 “I don’t know Dave. I do make some killer albóndigas.” He says, giving an extra little hip swing for effect.

“Albong-what?” You have never heard of this mysterious food and are trying to guess at its meaning.

 “Albóndigas.” He repeats, looking back at you. You watch the gears turn in his brain as you give him a clueless shrug.

 “Meatballs?” He thinks for a few more seconds and nods. “Meatballs.”

 “Meatballs. Like spaghetti meatballs or like Swedish Ikea death trap meatballs? Cause those are very different.”

 “No.” He shakes his head, looking insulted.

 “Then?”

 “It’s more like a soup.”

 “A soup…made of meatballs?” You don’t know how that works really.

 “Yes Dave. A soup. Meatball soup.” He enunciates very precisely for you. You give him a soft glare for it.

 “So like is the broth shit just meatball sweat? Or?”

 “It’s not going to work like this.” He scoffs, shaking his head.

 “I’m sorry I don’t understand.” You roll your eyes.

 “I’m not going to explain it to you so that you stare into the bowl I give you and refuse to eat the damn thing. No, it’s not fucking meatball sweat Dave. The only sweaty balls in this are probably found between your legs thanks to those tight ass pants you’re wearing.”

 “Wow, just wow man.” You shake your head.

 “Really Dave I worry at times. You might not be able to have kids or please your partner if or when the time comes because of those. Do you have any idea of how much damage black skinny jeans can do to your balls? You could probably make your own damn soup out of that mess.”

 “Oh my god. Are you legit straight up criticizing my pants?”

 “Hey you criticized my balls first.” He shrugs.

 “Nuh-uh I was talking about your albonodiggas.” You don’t recall the correct pronunciation but that sounded close enough. Karkat stops mid step to give you a look.

 “Meat _balls_. And it’s ‘al-bon-dee-gah’ not ‘albonodiggas’.”

 “I was close. ‘Albundigas’.”

 “The only thing you were close to was something along the lines of ‘albino sayings’.” He starts walking again. You hum and repeat the word over a few times as you two get into the complex, all the while Karkat bitches and rants about your pronunciation.

 “It’s ‘dee-gah’ Dave not, ‘die-gogh’.” He says as he steps into the elevator.

 “I’m sayin’ it exactly like you are.” You puff your cheeks out in annoyance.

 “No you’re not. And it’s fine if you don’t get it, I don’t expect you to do it.” He hums as the elevator ascends. You groan softly but drop the topic for now. He leads you out of the elevator when the doors open and brings you into his home. He ditches his backpack and shoes and goes into his kitchen.

 “Can you check the fridge for ground beef?” He asks as you toe your own shoes off.

 “’Kay.” You head in there and open the fridge. Out of habit, you quickly sidestep and jump away from the open door. Karkat looks over at you.

 “This isn’t ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Dave. Just bring out the meat.” He rolls his eyes and turns the faucet on. You are a bit embarrassed, to say the least; it is after all an odd habit. Hell even Jade, the narcoleptic queen and heiress to the throne of weirdest places to sleep, thought it was a bit strange. Karkat washes his hands and you locate the stupid meat he needs, setting it on the kitchen counter. Karkat spins around and climbs up onto the counter next to you, pulling open his cabinets that he couldn’t reach before.

 “Check the fridge for cilantro, an onion, garlic, a tomato and…” He hums and thinks for a moment. “Three potatoes.” He says, climbing back down with rice in tow. You mumble the list under your breath, trying to keep it in memory. You try your best to find the ingredients, one of which you have never seen before. Cilantro takes the longest for you to find, _what the fuck is it anyway?_ You eventually find it and with a sigh of relief hand it and the other things over to Karkat. He places them next to the meat and dumps the vegetables into a pot of water you didn’t see him get. You quietly watch him peel a potato for a bit before getting curious about something.

 “What’s that?” You ask, gesturing to the onion still on the counter.

 “What’s what?” Karkat looks over at you, still peeling.

 “What is it?” You point more obviously at the onion. He gives you a funny look.

 “It’s an onion Dave.”

 “Yeah I know, I’m not stupid. But what is it?” You had thought this question had been clear, but apparently it’s not.

 “It’s a root?” He says, seasoning the meat.

 “No like, in the tongue of your people, what is it.” You continue to point at it. He mouths something you don’t quite catch and gives you a look that you can only describe as ‘what the fuck’ face.

 “What? Can’t I ask?”

 “It’s a ‘cebolla’.” He says.

 “Cibola.” You try. He shakes his head.

“‘Ceh-boh-ya’.” He says again.

 “Cebolla.” You parrot. He nods and shifts a bit closer to you while he works. You murmur the word a few more times.

 “And that?” You point at the knife in his hand.

 “A ‘cuchillo’ coo-she-yo.” He breaks the word down for you.

 “Coochi-yo.” You are not the best at this, you decide. You can tell he fights some laughter down.

 “Mhmm. Cuchillo, cebolla,” He lifts what he has in his hands up for you. “Un cuchillo y una papa.”

“Hey papa. Una papa. One daddio.”

 “Not ‘papá’ _papa_.”

 “Okay, my bad. Sorry papá papa.” It still sounds the same to you.

 “Father potato?” He gives you a questioning look. You nod.

 “That’s a new nickname. To think the worse that one could do me was ‘Karkitty’ or ‘Karcrab’. I am now the father of all potatoes, every single fucking one.” He rolls his eyes. You had been talking to the potato itself but his reaction is too good for you to correct him.

 “Here I am skinning my young. It puts me in a hard place but I must show the other children that I will not continue to be soft. I shall rule over them as an awful father, govern them evenly. Forget parenting with an iron fist, I shall parent with an iron knife. The next potato to potato is being fucking slam dunked into the soup.” He rambles on.

 “Oh my god. Okay.” You laugh softly, and find yourself thinking a bit too much on how a kid with him would look like. _Would they have my eyes or his? God I’d hope they have his._ You shake your head, trying to clear the thoughts.

 “How do you say ‘cute guy’?” is what decides to make its way off your tongue. _Fuck no. I will not go down with this ship. I want off the Titanic._

 “‘Chico lindo’.” He hums and pulls the vegetables out of the pot.

 “Chico lindo.” You say, lightly bumping your hip against his. You don’t mean for it to sound as flirty as it does, and you should probably care a bit about it. You can’t find the fucks for it though and smile over at him. Karkat bumps against you a bit harder and you pretend that you don’t notice the blush starting to spread over his cheeks.

 “Yes. Chico lindo.” He rolls the meat and rice together into a small ball. You nod and watch him do his thing.

 “Un chico _muy_ lindo.” He says, chewing on his lower lip.

 “ _Mi_ chico muy lindo.” You watch his face light up like a neon sign.

 “That’s um, that’s ‘ _my_ guy’,” He avoids looking at you. “‘Very cute’.”

 “Well yeah, like y’know, ‘mi corazón’.” You have heard that one before. He clears his throat.

 “I guess, yeah. Um. Yeah…” He dumps all the meatballs into the pot and sets a timer, still trying to avoid your gaze. He starts cleaning up after himself too. You hum softly and follow him around.

 “Tu es lindo?” You think that’show that works.

 “Tu _eres_ lindo.” He corrects you, glancing over at you.

 “Tu eres lindo.” You smile over at him.

 “Don’t think that the albóndigas are going to be done any sooner just because you’re being an adorably irritating dork.” Karkat crosses his arms and turns to face you a bit more properly. Much to your disappointment, his blush has faded back down some. You chuckle and shrug.

 “So cut it out.” He huffs.

 “Make me.” You tease.

 “Are you really going to tell the guy with the knife that?”

 “I feel lucky.” You wiggle your eyebrows. He reaches behind him and throws a handful of potato peels at you.

 “Oh shut up!” He shakes his head. You make kissing noises and face at him and _dude you need to calm the fuck down. What are you even doing?_ Karkat just rolls his eyes and starts cutting the skinless potatoes into small cubes.

 “So, how do you say ‘kiss’?” You ask. _Goddamn where is your filter, why are you hitting on him, stop it._

 “‘Besa mi culo’.” He says as he finishes up the last of the potatoes.

 “Now see, I know that something in that is wrong.” You are seventy-five percent sure that one of those words were not like the others, one of those words just doesn’t belong.

 “Is it?” He turns to face you and tilts his head slightly.

 “Or it sounds like it? I don’t know.” You are now forty-five percent sure now. He beckons you to closer, and wary of his knife you lean in towards him. He tilts his head up to look at you, biting his lower lips slightly.

 “Want to know what that means?” He asks, lightly resting his hands on the front of your shirt and blush coming back. Not that you can blame him for that. You can feel the heat from your own blush radiating off of your face. You are ever so grateful for your shades the longer you notice yourself staring down at his lips.

 “Uh…yeah?” You finally spit out. Karkat gives you a shy smile and brushes his nose against yours. _Oh fuck._ You can feel him look into your eyes as he lines your lips together. _Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck._ You find yourself leaning into it. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ Karkat shoves you back.

 “It means ‘Kiss. My. Ass.’” He gives you a soft glare. You had kind of figured that had been what it meant, but holy fuck _you almost totally kissed him._ You nod mechanically and he turns around to finish up the last of his work. Holy fuck. _You almost kissed. You would have kissed._ You run your hands through your hair and cover your mouth. Oh god what if Bro had been right? _Oh fuck you can’t be crushing on him. He’s hot yeah; he’s got a nice ass and a cute face. He smells nice and has fucking cute smiles. **Fuck.**_ You don’t know how to handle this, and choose not to. You clear your throat.

 “I mean if you really want me to.” You say as you get down onto your knees. _Yep. This is totally how you play that almost-kiss off as a joke._ He looks back at you, confused as hell as to what you’re talking about. You scoot closer to him, and realization hits him like a ton of bricks.

 “Dave! Get up! No! NO!” Karkat starts yelling, swatting you away from him.

 “If you want me to kiss it so badly just hold still, it’ll be like a second.” You tell him.

 “Oh my over-loving Jesus fucking God, No,” He tries to wiggle away from you. “I take it back! Stay away from my ass! Oh my god, Dave no! I knew you were an ass man but holy shit!”

 “I’m not even going for bare ass.” You wrap your arms around his waist and rest your chin against his hip.

 “I know but still, you cock-slit. “ He screeches and tries to shake you off his hips. You make loud kissing noises and nuzzle his side.

 “Dave!”

 “Yes my darlin’?” You look up at him. He’s redder than the color of your eyes by now.

 “Stop that!”

 “Stop what?”

 “You seem so goddamn desperate for a piece of ass. Go suck and kiss your own ass!” He pushes your face away. You snicker and let him go.

 “I may be flexible, but I’m not that flexible.”

 “It’s alright, I’ll snap your fucking back in half.” He puffs his cheeks out.

 “Kinky.”

 “Maybe you’ll even be able to stick your face in your own ass.” He says. You wiggle your eyebrows at him and he huffs in response.

 “So.”

 “‘So’ what?” He glares. You tap his leg.

 “What’s this?” You asked.

 “That? That would be ‘mia’. _Mine._ ” He flicks your nose. You rub your nose as he finally wiggles you off and makes his way to his sofa. You follow after him, watching him flop onto the poor thing. You curl up next to him. Karkat digs his hand into your hair and ruffles it mercilessly.

 “Eres un pendejo hijo de tu puta madre y no se por que te estoy empezando a quererte tanto!” He groans.

 “I don’t know what that means.” You whine.

 “Good!” He crosses his arms and glares at the wall.

 “I think ‘motherfucker’ was in there.”

 “Something like that, yeah.” He sighs and gets back up. Karkat makes his way back into the kitchen and you stretch out.

 “So albundigas.” You say.

 “Albóndigas. _Bon_ not _bun_.” He looks over at you.

 “Albonbons.” You smirk. He rolls his eyes.

 “Albon-bons. Sure. Call it what you want.”

 “How are they?” You ask.

 “The potatoes just need to cook now. Let’s give them another fifteen to twenty minutes. Be patient. You gotta give them room, they will be ready when they are. Gotta love them from here for now. You’ll get a chance to devour the poor things once they trust you enough to get them so close to your mouth.”

 “I was asking how they taste.” You chuckle softly.

 “Oh. Well. Meaty?” He says.

 “Meaty.” You deadpan.

 “Meaty.” Karkat reaffirms.

 “Meaty.” You nod.

 “Just the way you like your balls Dave.” He smirks slightly at you. You laugh and he hums softly.

 “I like my dicks the way I like my coffee.” You say with an eyebrow wiggle. He tilts his head slightly.

 “Early in the morning?” He asks.

 “Down my throat.”

 “Oh my fucking god.” He snorts. The two of you laugh for a bit before calming back down.

 “I like my men how I like my pastries.” He gives you a look, playing along with you.

 “Oh? Cream filled?” You try.

 “And with a layer of glaze.” He hums.

 “I could lay still for a glaze layer.”

 “Oh please, you can barely stay put in your seat.” He rolls his eyes, sitting on the love seat next to the sofa. You hum in response.

 “True. It’d have to be tested then.”

 “It’s easier to get you to sit stiff than still.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you. You totally were not thinking of him licking glaze off of your body. _Nope. Not at all._

 “Psh, please.” You roll your eyes.

 “Please what? ‘Oh please prove me wrong’? ‘Oh please get on this lap’?” Karkat then tilts his head back some. “‘Oh please~’?” He moans. You definitely don’t think about how nice that sounded, or how much you wonder what your name would sound like at the end of that.

 “‘Oh please’ you’re wrong.” You choke out.

 “I thought we had made this clear before.” He says, crawling over the arm of the love seat and onto the sofa where you sit. Karkat leans over you and you chew your bottom lip, trying not to think too much about how close he is to you. He nuzzles against your neck. It’s a nice feeling and you sigh softly. You shiver as he brushes his lips against the shell of your ear.

 “See?” He whispers.  
  
 “Th-that doesn’t count.” You mumble.

 “No?” He says in a slight hurt tone, sliding a hand along your side. He pouts down at you.

 “Nope.” You cling to his couch, trying to stay cool. He shifts so he can sit on your lap more properly.

 “No?” He looks down at you. _Fuck_. You try not to stare at those lips.

 “Nah man.” You say. He hums and hops off of your lap, making his way back into the kitchen.

 “Sure Dave, not stiff at all.” Karkat teases.

 “Nope, totally not.” Except you totally are and you hide your face in embarrassment. _Jesus you need more self control_. You groan into your arms and try to think of other things. _You’re going to jizz your pants from shit like this? Dear lord have mercy on you._ You listen to Karkat shuffle around in his kitchen, the sounds of silverware tapping up against the bowls as this mystery soup is poured in. You sigh and get up, crossing into the kitchen and leaning against a countertop. He’s busy staring into the bowls as if they’ll predict the future. You whistle to get his attention and he whips his head over to you.

 “You okay?” You ask. He chews on his lip and nods.

 “Y-yeah. Just have to wait for these to cool down a bit.” He says as he grabs some napkins from that dumb dangly thing above the sink. You go ahead and make your way to his table.

 “A’ight.” You shrug and he sets a bowl down in front of you. He gets up into the chair next to you and pokes at his albóndigas.

 “Just so you know, you don’t have to force these down your throat like you do your dicks. I can make you a sandwich if they aren’t any good.” He says.

 “Okay.” You hum and jab him lightly with your spoon. Karkat cups your cheeks and pinches one softly.

 “Now, now Dave we can spoon after lunch.”

 “Promise?”

 “We’ll see.” He says.

 “I want to be the little spoon.” You poke at the soup.

 “But I’m smaller than you? Doesn’t that automatically make me the smaller spoon?” He says, taking a bite of the soup. After he doesn’t immediately keel over, you decide it’s somewhat safe to eat. You carefully squish down the chunky bits, filling your spoon with the broth. _Baby steps_. Karkat is staring at you, waiting for your answer.

 “Not like there are set spoon rules. Just cause you’re smaller don’t mean shit.” You shove your spoon into your mouth. The broth overall tastes fine, not quite what you expected, but fine nevertheless. You scoop up a meatball this time; it is an important part after all.

 “That is true. And even if there were, I think both of us are used to breaking a few useless rules here and there.” Karkat hums. You aren’t really paying attention though. You just bit down on one nice meatball. You now understand why this is a thing that people like to eat.

 “This is like really fucking good.” You gesture to your bowl.

 “Yeah?”

 “Fuck yeah.” You hum.

 “Don’t be trying to earn points with me Dave. Cause this shit only gets you like three.”

 “I’m serious.” You say. He hums softly, rolling his eyes and shoving another spoonful into his mouth.

 “And I thought Mr. Egbert made good food. Albóndigas.” You happily eat away.

 “Well then I’ll put it on the ‘Dave Approved’ list.” Karkat smiles.

 “Fuck yeah.”  
  
 “You should try them next time Kankri makes them. He’s way better at this than I am.”  
  
 “I want yours.” You swing your legs.

 “You want my balls Dave? And only mine?” He nudges you

 “Oh. My god. Yes.” You roll your eyes and make a show of eating the next meatball. He scoffs and you laugh like the dork you secretly are. The two of you enjoy the momentary lapse of silence.

 “So how’d you learn to cook?” You ask.

 “Well I used to see Kankri do it all the time. When we lived with Dad he was on kitchen duty until he left. Then I sort of had to fill in those shoes. The steps were easy to remember really, the hard part was finding the shit needed at home.” Karkat pokes at his bowl.

 “If we had some of one thing, we’d be missing some of the other stuff. But you bet your ass the fridge always had beer.” He stares into the soup.

 “Your dad wasn’t good at the whole ‘parenting’ thing was he?” You look over at him. He shakes his head after a moment.

 “But fuck it. I’m here now, and he fucked up, but at least he didn’t fuck me up…not majorly,” He’s silent for a bit longer before murmuring “Not, not to the point where I didn’t get back up.” You don’t like the sound of that. The silence feels heavy and you wish you didn’t open this can of worms.

 “He took corporal punishment to a whole new level huh?” You try to joke. He doesn’t laugh, just stares blankly into his soup. You chew your lip. _This is awkward as fuck._

 “Punishment is something you get for doing something wrong. It’s supposed to be a penalty.” Karkat finally says. You nod quietly and he sighs, pushing his bowl away from him.

 “It’s not something you just give out to people who don’t do shit.” He says. You don’t know what to say.

“That’s…that’s rough.” Is the awkward statement that comes out, and you slide your own empty bowl away.

 “I guess.” Karkat scoots back and picks up the two bowls. You feel like a dick and kind of wish you could redo the whole five minutes that conversation took. He puts the stuff into the sink and stares down into it. It twists something inside of you to see him like this. You hop off the chair and walk over to him.

 “Hey…” You say softly, deciding to not reach out and touch him just yet. He shakes his head, as if trying to will something away, and looks up at you. You open your arms, not sure if he’s the kind of person who needs his hug on when feeling down or not.

 “It’s fine.” He says quietly, walking away from you. You drop your arms slowly and nod. You have never felt more out of place here before.

            You stand in the kitchen for a bit, looking around at everything and wonder a bit too much on the things Karkat won’t say and the things he does. You try to imagine what hell he might have gone through, but you feel like it would not be nearly as close. You get lost in your own thoughts, staring at the walls and cabinets and the floor. You don’t even notice when you start moving again.

            The steps are mechanical, and you feel awkwardly distant from yourself. You reach a hand out to the hallway wall to ground you. You stand longer than you should in Karkat’s bedroom doorway, scratching idly at the framing. He’s staring down into his math book and it feels wrong. You can’t place the feeling though. Something just _is_ and it bothers you.

            You finally get your legs to move again, slowly, feet barely lifting off from the ground. You shuffle to his bedside and curl up on the mattress next to him. Karkat doesn’t move, and you bump your forehead into his shoulder. He finally turns around and looks at you.

 “I’m sorry.” You say after a beat. You hadn’t meant to drag up bad memories for him. You hadn’t meant to make him so quiet. _You hadn’t meant for him to look so blank._

 “It’s fine.” He sighs. You can’t believe him when he says that, but you know to drop it. After a few moments he closes the book and puts it away. You watch him shift around a bit in the bed before he pulls you into his chest. It’s nice and comfortable; you bury your face in his chest and breathe.

 “So, a week and a half.” Karkat says softly.

 “Yeah.” You nod. He runs his fingers through your hair.

 “That’s good.” He scratches gently at your scalp. You hum in response and bring your arms around him.

 “How are you feeling?” He asks.

 “Tired. Bit like shit.” You answer honestly.

 “Why?” He looks down at you. You shrug, the details aren’t too important you feel. You haven’t done anything bad and that’s the main point. He rests his chin against your head and you swear he presses his lips there. _Not that you care, ha ha ha right?_

 “Anything I can do to make you feel less like shit?”

 “Fuck if I know.” You can feel yourself relaxing into his touch already though.

 “Well you’ll probably know better than I will.”

 “This is nice.”

 “Somehow it always seems to end this way.” He says.

 “Hmm?” You look up at him.

 “We’ll get up, walk to school, have lunch together sometimes, go to class together, meet up at the end of school, walk home, and somehow we end up like this,” He gives you a soft squeeze. “Cuddled up either on the couch or on one of our beds, especially on the weekend. I know you said you were a cuddler, but I guess I didn’t know it was a 24/7 thing.”

 “I guess I should’ve made the terms and conditions more clear.” You hum. He chuckles softly.

 “I guess. But it’s too late for my sorry ass now. I am a lost cause Dave, a damned soul. I am cursed and must continue the rest of my days with my arms wrapped around you like this.”

 “It doesn’t sound too bad.” You say.

 “Oh but it is. ‘Cause then you like to fall asleep on me and then, almost always, I have to fucking take a piss and I’m trapped under your fat ass. You will cost me my arms and a bladder infection. Is that what you want Dave? An armless friend with a severe bladder infection?” He keeps petting your hair and you laugh loudly. This time around, the silence is welcomed. You bury your face back into Karkat’s chest and maybe you kind of, sort of, lightly kiss it once. _Not in love though, nope, just some weird infatuation or something. Totally. It’ll be gone in like two months tops._ You squeeze him tightly and he hums. As nice as it all is, you don’t want to repeat your past mistakes. You listen to his heart beat, _you promised yourself that you wouldn’t fuck up with a friend like that again remember?_ _You don’t want another John incident._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the-help-goblin.tumblr.com


	13. Birthday Cake Massacre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Homophobic Slurs  
> -Racial Slurs  
> -Cursing  
> -Mentions of Violence/Blood  
> -Mentions of Unrequited Love  
> -Self Harm  
> -Food  
> -Sexual Innuendo  
> -Some Sexual Conduct

            Today is December 3rd, otherwise known amongst you, Bro, and your friends, as your birthday. Specifically it’s your seventeenth birthday. When you woke up, it all felt the same, as with every birthday. There was however a couple of things that have made it different, like the way an egg and flour covered Karkat had slammed the door in your face when you had gone to get him for school. When you had made it to the school, you had awkwardly stood alone like an idiot by Karkat’s locker. Then a couple of minutes before the first bell, Karkat had made it and had thrust a cake into your arms. He wouldn’t meet your eyes but he mumbled a, “Happy Birthday, fuck-wit” to you. Karkat was still lightly dusted in flour and frosting from the cake. The cake that would not fit into your locker and you carried that bitch for most of the day.

            In first period, John had perked up at the sight of the cake you were carrying. He used it as a means to loudly wish you a ‘Happy Birthday’ that did get some of the students’ attention. You gave John a deathly glare from behind your shades. Various students, most of which you didn’t know or recognize, began to ask you random questions. Some wanted the cake in your arms and you got protective over the damn thing, and the teacher wanted everyone to sing afterwards. You had to deal with that shit all the way to lunch.

            Once you had made it there, you were finally willing to cut the cake and offer it to your friends. You had carefully divided up the cake and passed out slices to them. Of course John had began complaining the moment he found out Karkat had made it.

 “What if he spit in my piece?”

 “Oh yes, he clearly predicted how I was going to cut the cake and which piece was going to be yours exactly.” You had deadpanned and given him a look. You made sure that John ate that fucking slice of cake and promptly gave him another. _Let them eat fucking cake._

            While John bickered about the cake, Jade and Rose handled the whole thing in a rather civil matter. Jade teased about the decoration work and Rose gave you that one smile that you have never liked. That smile was dangerous and plotting, you are pretty certain she now knows how you feel about Karkat. Not that there is anything to feel, _we’re just plain ol’ bros right? Baking each other cake doesn’t mean shit._ Rose had chuckled lightly under her breath and you know she’s going to write some weird friend-fiction shit, or whatever the fuck she calls it, and you are going to die from second-hand embarrassment when you read it.

            The four of you talked idly and ate while you had kept your eye out for Karkat. You had been saving him a piece, he deserved to taste how his cake ended up like after all. If your friends noticed your distracted mumbling, they didn’t say anything about it. You go the entire lunch period without seeing Karkat and a part of you was upset. You did get to see him in fourth period though and finally handed him his piece. You told him that it was pretty good and that your other friends agreed. _John was being an ass about it, but fuck him._

            The rest of the day had gone by surprisingly fast, because the next thing you know you are standing in front of Karkat’s locker and waiting for him to show up. You just want to go home and relax. You tap your foot on the ground a bit impatiently, _where is he?_ You blow your bangs out of your face, looking around a bit for any sign of him. You hear the sounds of shoes hitting the floor at a rapid pace and when you turn you see Jade barreling down the hallway towards you. _Oh. Fuck._ John is running right behind her and farther behind is Rose, calmly walking.

 “Dave!” John yells for you and you brace for impact. Jade gets to you first, diving down and pulling your legs out from under you.

 “Shit!” You flail your arms about as you start going down. John somehow manages to grab ahold of them and keep your head from cracking open on the hall floor. The two of them have you suspended between them, and Rose approaches the three of you slowly. You continue to flail about slightly, John and Jade continue to keep you from falling which you suppose you should be thankful for, but you’d rather be on the ground. Rose places a birthday hat on your forehead.

 “Happy Birthday Dave.” She says.

 “Oh. My god,” You look at the three of them. “What the fuck.”

 “Go! Go! Go!” John yells and starts carrying you away, Jade starts running along with him, keeping your legs from falling down.

 “Guys wait! Hold up!” You try to escape their grips. Rose is holding the school doors open for the three of you and she quickly moves towards John’s car once you are past.

 “No!” Jade smiles at you and John shows no sign of slowing down either. You are shoved into the backseat and Jade quickly hops onto your lap to keep you from bolting right back out.

 “No guys, I’m serious, wait!” You are ignored as Rose gets inside and John slips behind the wheel.

 “It’s clear.” Rose tells him and he takes off. You sigh and bump your head against the window. You are definitely not pouting, totally not. Jade laughs softly and moves to give you room after Rose crawls into the front passenger seat.

 “Sorry Dave, we have to pick up a few pizzas on time.” John says, glancing over his shoulder at you.

 “Mhmm. Sure. Whatev.”

 “Don’t be such a party pooper!” Jade punches you in the shoulder.

 “Ow!” You wince and rub the poor thing. She’s always had a good right hook.

 “John is right Dave. We’d like to beat the lunch rush.” Rose looks back at the two of you.

 “Yeah!” John nods. Jade leans forward and nudges John.

 “You should go faster!” She tells him.

 “Or he can, y’know, chill.” You say. John is already going fast, and a part of you thinks you should really put your seatbelt on, you don’t though because you simply are too lazy to right now. You hate it when John or Jade drives. They go too fast and take turns too sharply.

 “Jade I can’t! I already got a ticket last time.” John puffs out a cheek and Rose nods solemnly. You wonder when that happened.

 “I would also like to live. John, do not go faster. We will die.” You lean away from the window.

 “Faster!” Jade demands.

 “Maybe next time you can drive, Harley!” John yells back at her.

 “Red.” Rose says. John steps on the brakes and your face slams into the back of Rose’s seat. Jade laughs and you slowly lean back.

 “Ow. Fuck.” You touch your face and nothing feels broken, a good sign at least. John glares down the light and Rose fiddles with the radio.

 “It’s green John.” She says. John peels out of the intersection and speeds off.

 “Why are you driving!? _Holy shit!_ ” You screech, reaching up and grabbing onto the ‘oh shit’ bar, or the Jesus bar, or the chicken handle. It’s a damn grab handle, whatever the fuck it is really called! It is your savior for now, and you decide Jesus bar is appropriate in this context.

 “Says the guy who turned seventeen and doesn’t have his license!” John shouts back.

 “No blood, no foul Dave!” Jade yells with him.

 “Both points are valid.” Rose hums.

 “There’s no need for a license!” You yell at John.

 “Don’t yell at me while I’m driving! It makes me nervous!” Rose rolls her eyes and turns the music up in an effort to muffle all of your screams. Jade takes this as a challenge to shout the lyrics to the song playing.

 “Uptown, fuck you up!”  
  
 “It’s _funk_ you up Jade!”  
  
 “Fuck is better!”

 “I am going to die,” You say quietly. “I’m going to go deaf and die.”

 “I sure hope that isn’t your birthday wish Dave.” Rose turns to look at you.

 “What? Did you guys say something?” Jade yells at the two of you. Rose gives her a soft glare.

 “Dear merciful God above, can you hear me? It’s Dave. Please don’t let me die today.” You say to the roof of the car.

 “You must be very worried. Most people I know only get religious in bed.” Rose smirks, and okay you have to laugh at that one. Jade has rolled her window down and is now sticking her head out it, laughing and singing loudly.

 “Oh my god Jade, not again.” John starts rolling her window back up. She makes a soft sound and quickly pulls her head in.

 “Again?” _Wow you really have missed out on a lot._ John pulls alongside the curb and Rose digs in her backpack.

 “You can’t park here! It’s a red zone!” You yell at John.

 “Red zone my ass!” He shouts back. Rose hands Jade a wad of cash and she tucks it into her pocket.

 “Live a little Dave!”

 “Jade are you hungry? You really are not you when you’re hungry.” Rose gives her a concerned look. Jade cackles.

 “Yeah, I think I’m having a sugar high.”

 “Just go get the pizzas so I can get off the red!” John yells at her.

 “I’m going!” Jade says, throwing open the door and getting out.

 “You should tell Karkat to use less sugar next time.” Rose says to you.

 “I will let him know.” You don’t think that he was going to ever make another cake, but on the off chance he does you’ll let him know. She shifts and turns in her seat to face you better.

 “So tell me Dave, how are things going with him? I see the two of you walking home after school now and then.”

 “He lives in the same complex as me. It’s nicer than walking alone.” You shrug as John pulls away from the curb and starts to go around the block.

 “Is that so?” Rose asks.

 “Yeah. He legit lives on top of me.” You say.

 “I bet that is not the only time he is on top of you.” She says with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

 “Rose! Eww.” John groans.

 “I meant academically, John.” She chuckles.

 “Yeah John. Get your head of the gutter. It needs to go to rehab, give it a nice shelter. Take him back to his wife and kid, they’re worried about him.” You nudge his shoulder.

 “Fuck you Dave, my head is where it should be. Unlike the both of yours.”

 “You’re right. It’s in your ass.” You say.

 “More like in Karkat’s.” He says giving you a soft glare from the review mirror.

 “I won’t even dignify that with a response.” You cross your arms and lean back against the door.

 “Now John, if that is where Dave has been then it is none of our business.” Rose says softly as John pulls up next to Jade on the sidewalk. Her arms are full and she looks a bit perplexed about how to get in without upsetting the balance. You offer to take some of the stuff she has. Jade passes you three of the five pizza boxes she has and two of the three wing sets she has. She buckles herself in and you stare out the window.

            You can hear your friends talking softly amongst themselves, you are just glad that no one is screaming anymore. You try to pay attention to what they’re saying but your mind keeps wandering away. You think John is complaining about some test and Rose is talking about school, however you are busy thinking about Karkat.

            You know that you should probably text Karkat and make sure he made it home safe. As well as apologize for being kidnapped and not getting to hang out with him like you had wanted to. You wonder what he’s up to right about now, if he’s happy or feeling lonely. You hope he’s eaten; he gets hungry around this time sometimes and from what he had been talking about in fourth, it sounded like he was going to make something special for the two of you to eat. You chew your lip and hope he doesn’t get upset that you aren’t there.

 “ – And so they let me join!” Jade says happily.

 “That is great news Jade. Did your grandfather have to come talk to them again or was one visit enough?” Rose asks.

 “Nah Guh-pah got it taken care of.” Jade beams.

 “Dude, you’re going to kick ass.” John smiles.

 “What?” You say confused. Jade’s smile falters a bit and Rose turns to you.

 “Jade finally got accepted onto the wrestling team Dave.”

 “Oh. Cool.” You hadn’t known that there was some problem about Jade being on the team. Let alone enough for her gramps to get involved. Jade stares at her hands, on top of the boxes, looking down-trodden.

 “When’s your first match?” John asks.

 “It’s um,” Jade says softly before shaking her head and smiling. “A couple of weeks.”

 “Let us know when you know for sure.” Rose chuckles.

 “Yeah! If I don’t have practice I’ll make sure to go.” John hums. You nudge Jade softly.

 “Go for blood Jade.”

 “Dave. That’s a foul.” John glances over at you. But Jade knows what you mean and she laughs. You smile softly back.

 “Go for blood!” She yells. Rose and John exchange concerned looks but it doesn’t matter to you two. 'Go for blood' had been one of the first things you had ever said to Jade, it had been followed by a fist fight between the two of you.

 “Bet I can still kick your ass.” She snickers.

 “You cheated.” You shove gently at her.

 “You had a rock Dave.”

 “You kicked me in the shin.”

 “You had a _rock_.” Jade looks at you. Okay so technically you hadn’t been playing fair, but she was stronger than you. You felt it leveled the playing field.

 “You should have gone for paper Jade.” Rose hums as John pulls into his driveway. He laughs and gets out of the car.

 “You also broke my glasses Dave.” Jade says getting out with half the food.

 “You popped me in the nose, hell it almost broke.” You follow behind her and she laughs. John comes over and takes some of the food from Jade, while Rose holds the door open for you.

 “You were _so_ bloody.” Jade says.

 “It was gross.” You walk in.

 “It was _cool_.” Jade laughs, following right behind you. John sets the food down on the table. You absentmindedly stare at the wall in John’s kitchen. A memory worms its way out and you feel yourself smile.

 “Hey John.”

 “Hmm?” He turns to face you.

 “Remember that time I tried to be a baseball player?” You ask.

 “But you suck at sports.” Jade says, giving you a funny look.

 “I remember we both tried out, yeah. Why?” John hums.

 “No dude,” You gesture to the wall. “That time. The poor egg incident.” It had happened when you had stayed over one night. You had apparently got up and went to the kitchen while dead asleep, and began to sling eggs at the wall. John said when he had asked you why you were doing it, you had responded with ‘I am practicing my pitch…’ before you had actually woken up.

 “Oh. Oh!” John laughs. Jade gives you a confused look and Rose just shakes her head and smiles. Rose had found out that morning when you had called her and asked the proper way to clean off eggs from walls.

 “It’s fine dude. I mean, the stains are still there but Dad made it work.” John says taking a seat and patting the one next to him. You sit down next to him as Rose starts passing out the food.

 “You should spend the night again some time, it’s not like Dad told you to never come back or anything.” John says. That hadn’t been the reason you stopped going over to his house.

 “Are you sure?” You ask. Jade sits down across from you and happily takes her plate of food.

 “Yeah dude.” He nods. You chew on the inside of your lip. You had stopped coming over because of what had led up to your _incident_ and the nasty aftermath of it, granted it has all settled now. You just didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

 “Yeah maybe some time then.” You nod. Jade hums happily and wolfs down her food, Rose casually picks her slice apart eating the toppings first as usual. You stare down at yours, debating on whether or not to roll it up for better dipping.

 “Maybe this weekend after practice?” John asks with a slight smile. You hesitate.

 “I…am busy this weekend.” You give him an apologetic look.

 “Suckin’ dick.” You hear Jade murmur. Rose chokes a bit on her drink. John doesn’t hear her.

 “Oh?” He says a tad let down.

 “Yeah. Sorry.” You shrug slightly.

 “Nah, it’s fine.” He smiles. You can hear Jade and Rose whisper to each other about something. You try not to let your paranoia get the best of you.

 “I should totally start studying for midterms too.” John says, finally enjoying his food.

 “Yeah, I barely pulled through my last test.” You say, deciding on rolling your slice up so it would fit better in the dumb ranch container.

 “Well I’m doing good, just need to be extra sure. Got to make Dad proud yknow?” He hums.

 “Daddy’s boy.” You snicker.

 “Oh forget you.” John nudges your side. You catch Rose gesturing about a blowjob towards Jade and your attention goes to the two ladies.

 “Do I want to know?” You raise an eyebrow.  
 “Know what?” Rose asks grabbing her now naked slice of pizza.

 “Yeah, what Dave?” Jade asks.

 “Oh god. You’re plotting. This never ends well.” You groan.

 “Plotting? Us?” Rose asks as if she’s innocent.

 “I am insulted Dave.” Jade says.

 “Yeah Dave, just leave ‘em alone, enjoy your birthday.” John says, having no clue as to what’s going on.

 “I completely agree with John,” Rose says and Jade nods along in agreement. “Let’s just eat and enjoy this day with you.”

 “If I die in the next week, I swear I will haunt your asses.” You say, giving them a serious look. Jade giggles from behind her slice. _What is that her third or fourth? Damn she can pack them suckers away._

 “You’re not even dead and you already do that.” Rose says.

 “Oh burn!” John says.

 “Pale as fuck Dave, you got to get some sun!” Jade makes a face at you. You stick your tongue out at her. Rose leans over and tries to balance a hot wing on your tongue. You were not prepared to hold it in place so it just rolls off and onto the table. The four of you burst into laughter. _Fuck you’ve missed them so much._

            The four of you eat and talk about things. They help you catch up with what has been going on with them since you stopped hanging out with them and you are vague as possible with the stuff you’ve been doing. Jade’s grandpa is a retired Chief of Police and has a few too many cop buddies; you don’t want to get Gamzee and Karkat into any trouble, let alone yourself. Rose and John would psychoanalyze you and take you to rehab respectively.

            Jade finishes off a whole pizza by herself, none of you are too surprised at that either. She just burns it all off quickly anyway. John picks up some and puts it away for his dad, while Rose shuffles empty boxes around and into the trash bin. Jade shoos you away to the couch as she wipes down the table. You are fine with not having to do any work, and just plop unceremoniously onto the couch.  John comes back first, taking his spot next to you again. Jade flops onto your thighs and you grunt. She gets herself situated, lying out across the couch. Rose shakes her head and chuckles, sitting down on the floor in front of you three.

 “So, what do you want for your birthday this year?” John asks.

 “Yes Dave, what is your birthday wish?” Rose hums.

  “Tell us.” Jade smiles up at you.

  “I don’t know.” You say. In all honesty you had thought you would’ve overdosed on something by now.

 “Oh come on Dave! Tell us. Maybe we can help.” John says.

 “If it’s within our reach.” Rose nods. Jade starts playing around with the bracelet Karkat gave you. It sparks an idea of what you want.

 “To keep my promises.”

 “Keep…your promises?” John raises his brows, and Rose gives you a confused look as well.

 “That’s lame.” Jade mumbles. Rose nudges her and gives her a look.

 “It’s what I want.” You shrug.

 “Well if that’s what you want then we’ll help when we can with it.” John says, tugging you and Rose into an awkward hug.

 “Yeah, what kind of promises?” Jade chirrups from your lap.

 “If you would like to share of course.” Rose says as John lets you go.

 “Just boring shit. Not that interesting.” _Not to you guys at least._ Jade hums and spins the bracelet around your wrist.

 “Well if it’s boring and you’ve been having trouble keeping it, then yeah, I really hope you get better at it,” John says and Rose slaps his thigh. “Ow! Well it’s true!” Jade nods along with him.

 “It’s just not interesting to you guys that’s all. They’re kind of important for me to keep.” You say. John hums.

 “Things like passing these midterms?”

 “Doing your homework?” Rose asks.

 “Getting tested?” Jade teases.

 “Wow Jade.” You look down at her. She makes a face up at you, you smile and shake your head.

 “But nah. Those are important, but they’re little ones. My promise is bigger.” At least that’s how you feel.

 “Going to college!” John says.

 “You calm down.” You tell him.

 “Getting your driver’s license?” Rose smirks.

 “You too.” You stick your tongue out at her.

 “Getting a life?” Jade says.

 “And strike three, you’re all out.” You tap Jade’s nose. John and Rose whine and you shake your head.

 “So it’s not life changing, but it’s not small?” Jade asks.

 “No, it’s life changing.” You hum.

 “Getting a girlfriend!” John says.

 “John.” You deadpan.

 “Boyfriend.” Rose corrects him.

 “Well it would be a _change_.” John insists.

 “Wow John. Wow.” Jade looks over at him.

 “It’s true! I’m sorry. I was just saying.”  
  
 “I doubt Dave would be interested in a girlfriend.” Rose tells him.

 “Yeah huh?” Jade sighs softly. You try not to wince and stay impassive to her. _Fuck that’s right. She was crushing on you for a while wasn’t she?_

 “Although a boyfriend wouldn’t be too rare.” Rose says.

 “Yeah guys are still a thing I’m very much into.” You say.

 “Is there _a_ guy you are very much into?” She asks.

 “I think we all know the answer to that Rose.” John mumbles under his breath.

 “I…I am not going to say.” You manage to get out. You definitely aren’t thinking about Karkat and his smile and how it makes his whole face light up.

 “Oh. So there is a someone.” Rose gives you a knowing look. Jade hums softly.

 “Who is he?”  
  
 “No one.” You can’t be in love. Nope. Not at all. _You have it so fucking bad for him._

 “Yeah Dave, come on, we’ll share.” John nudges your side.

 “I’m sure Dave knows who we’re all seeing.” Rose tells him.

 “Myself, obviously.” Jade says. John is the only one who laughs.

 “Well do you Dave?”  
  
 “Of course he knows John, or did the two of you break up again?” Rose asks him.

 “No! For your information, this is our eighth try! Which I am feeling very confident about since it’s her lucky number.” John huffs and crosses his arms. Rose gives him a very unamused look.

 “God fucking damn it, that spider bitch still? Dude.” You look over at John with a slightly worried face.

 “Straight couples are so strange.” Rose murmurs.

 “Don’t call her that!” John glares at you.

 “It’d also be your eighth break-up.” Jade says. You nod in agreement. You have never really been all that fond of John’s gal.

 “Jade don’t say that.” He pouts slightly.

 “Dude. She’s a bitch. Stone cold.” You remind him. He glares at you.

 “I am sure no one likes to hear about our partners being unlikeable. So I think it would be wise to tone that down Dave.” Rose looks over at you.

 “At least I’m with the person I like.” John says. Jade twitches slightly and you roll your eyes. In hindsight you probably should acknowledge that you know about her crush, but maybe if you pretend enough it would be like it never had happened in the first place.

 “Mine’s probably not that into me so.” You shrug. You like to think, to hope, that maybe Karkat does like you back. Fuck,  _you can’t even pretend that you aren’t falling for that stupid, angry, wonderful, fucking beautiful guy anymore._

 “I know the feel.” Jade pats your arm.

 “I don’t blame them when you get this sort of attitude.” John says. Rose looks over at him sternly.

 “It’s my most endearing quality.” You stretch and rest your arms on the back of the couch.

 “Alright, um, tell us more about this person?” Rose says.

 “I bet they’re a bitch.” John mumbles and Rose elbows his shin. You debate on whether you should make someone up or not. You decide against it, you wouldn’t be able to keep your story straight anyway.

 “John’s right. He’s an asshole. It one of _his_ most endearing qualities.” You say.

 “That could be anyone then.” John says, ignoring Rose’s second elbow jab to his knee.

 “He’s a little goblin asshole.” You chuckle to yourself. John and Jade give you confused looks.

 “Oh. So it’s an online boyfriend,” Rose hums. “I see. ‘WOW’ or ‘LOL’?” Jade snickers.

 “What?” You have no idea what chat speak has to do with anything. John chuckles softly.

 “Word of Warcraft or League of Legends, Dave.” He says.

 “And I thought it was just me as that kind of nerd.” Rose smiles.

 “Yeah, no. He’s a real person. See him in real life, everyday basically.” You tell them.

 “So my girlfriend is a spider, Rose’s is a ‘vampire’, and yours is a goblin,” Rose glares over at John. “Well then Jade just needs to date a fucking phoenix.”

 “Calm down young blood.” Rose says.

 “I like to think of him as a phoenix.” Jade hums.

 “Kinky, but I thought dogs were more of your thing?” You look down at her and she rolls her eyes.

 “I think I know how you like your men now Jade. Smoking hot and then in ashes.” John says.

 “Oh my god.” You turn to face him again.

 “Basically. Hot and untouchable.” Jade sighs. _This is just getting worse._

 “That’s rough buddy.” Rose says, gently patting Jade’s hand.

 “I’m sorry.” You say, hoping she catches the double meaning behind it. John nods in agreement with you.

 “It’s fine.” Jade says quietly.

 “Hey Rose, how long have you and Kanaya been together?” John asks. You run your fingers through Jade’s hair.

 “Almost four years now.” She smoothes out her skirt and smiles softly.

 “Lucky.” Jade pouts.

 “Damn. I can’t even make it to four months.” John whines.

 “Hell I couldn’t make it three days.” You mutter. John flinches slightly.

 “Well, maybe next time Dave. I’m sure you’ll find someone who actually cares.” He says without looking at you. Rose gives him a look and you lean away from him, it hurt just a bit hearing that.

 “Like about that sort of stuff I mean! Like about you. No. Wait…” John flounders a bit for the right words. You bite at the inside of your cheek.

 “Like about what you have in your pants! No wait. I mean, that they’ll like guys!”

 “John.” Jade warns.

 “I know…sorry.” He looks over at you. You can feel the weight on the apology. A quick glance in his direction confirms that there is more behind just the words themselves.

 “Yeah.” You grunt. You don’t want to think about that right now. It’s in the past. It’s a dead horse that has been beaten too many times and you are tired of coming back to it for more beating. You know it won’t be the last time the two of you will mention it in hushed tones under your breaths, won’t be the last time you awkwardly walk around the hole, or the last time you’ll apologize for it.

 “Well anyways, yes. I am very lucky, but I know all of you will also find someone who you are hopefully comfortable with. Whether it be romantically or not, and if you don’t then I just hope you are comfortable with yourselves.” Rose folds her hands in her lap.

 “That’s easy to say when you’ve been together for _four_ years.” John sighs.

 “I’ve worked hard to be where I am with Kanaya. I have kept her happy, comfortable and I have kept my promises.” She leans forward and lightly taps her finger against his nose.

 “Yeah…” John groans. You click your tongue.

 “How long did we last,” You ask Rose. “A month?”

 “What?” Jade looks up at you.

 “Back in middle school?” Rose chuckles.

 “Yeah.” You nod.

 “About a month yes.”

 “Oh yeah huh.” John snickers. Jade is still lost, though you can’t blame her. It had happened before Jade had met you three. You tell Jade about how you and Rose had gone out in middle school in an effort to protect each other’s gay ass from the name calling and fighting. Texas isn’t the nicest of places to those who didn’t ‘fit in’ after all. It worked for a bit. You held hands mostly, kissed once _which had been a mistake_ , and then broke up so she could be with the ‘cute girl in art class’.

 “Oh.” Jade says.

 “Yeah, Rose wanted to be free.” You hum and Rose nods. Jade mumbles something you don’t quite catch.

 “Hmm?”

 “Nothing.” She smiles.

 “I had to break things off because when I confessed to Kanaya, she refused to give me a chance because she knew Dave and I had been a thing at the time.” Rose says.

 “Those were confusing and desperate times.” You sigh. Desperation to be ‘normal’ had been another reason that drove you to date Rose. Not that Jade needs to know that.

 “Freshman year was my confusing time.” John hums.

 “Don’t I know it.” You mumble softly. There you go again, beating the damn empty piñata. John fidgets. Rose and Jade give you a questioning look.

 “What?” Jade asks.

 “Nada.” You say.

 “What?” John looks at you.

 “‘Noh-dah’?” Rose tries to parrot back.

 “No, no, like ‘nah’. Nada.” You tell her.

 “What?” Jade gives you a funny look.

 “‘Nah-duh’?” John says.

 “Wow…How the hell does he deal with this all the time. Oh god I was even worse too.” You groan.

 “Who?” John asks.

 “Karkat.” You tell him.

 “Karkat?” Rose looks a bit confused.

 “I thought he was Russian.” Jade says.

 “What?” You look down at her, wondering how the hell she had thought that.

 “I thought he was just dark.” John hums.

 “Oh my god.” Rose turns to face him.

 “John. Wow.” You say. John whines and looks a bit distraught. Jade laughs at him and your reactions.

 “I’m going to go with Hispanic?” Rose turns her attention back to you.

 “Yeah.” You nod.

 “Oh! He taught you Mexican?” John asks.

 “John!” You hit him in the shoulder. Jade’s body starts to shake from how hard she’s laughing.

 “What _now_!?” He screeches.

 “Dear Lord.” You sigh. Rose is muffling her soft laugh as well.

 “I’m sorry, gosh. Can’t say shit.” John crosses his arms and huffs.

 “Fucking Christ on a shingle.” You rub your forehead.

 “That’s hardcore.” Jade says.

 “Wow Dave.” John chuckles.

 “Oh shut up John.” You roll your eyes.

 “Make me!”

 “Mr. ‘They’re _your people_ Dave’.” You give him a soft glare from over the tops of your shades.

 “Oh my god,” John flings his arms into the air. “That was _one_ time!” Rose puffs out a cheek and you shake your head.

 “I just meant it as ‘they are like you’. We all have our people Dave.” John says.

 “Someone is going to pop a cap in your ass.” You sigh irritably.

 “Kinky.” Rose mumbles and Jade wiggles her eyebrows over at John.

 “Well! Someone is going to pop a dick in yours!” John glares over at you.

 “I think that is what he would prefer.” Rose says. You hum and briefly think about it.

 “Yeah, I think I wouldn’t mind that much.”

 “Ew.” John’s nose scrunches up.

 “John.” Rose pats his knee lightly.

 “Some people like it up the butt John, just cause you think it’s gross doesn’t mean everyone else does.” Jade says as Mr. Egbert walks in. You bite your lip, trying not to laugh out loud.

 “I mean go get a dildo and shove it up your ass John, hell you might actually like–” Rose quickly leans over and slaps her hand over Jade’s mouth. You can no longer contain your laughter as John turns bright fucking red.

 “Dad! Hi!” He yells to drown out Jade’s muffled complaints. You are dying of laughter, tears in your eyes and your stomach hurting.

 “Hello son.” Mr. Egbert clears his throat.

 “How was work? We left you some pizza. How about I heat you a plate?” John laughs nervously. He quickly gets up and disappears into the kitchen.

 “Always nice to have you over Miss Harley.” Mr. Egbert turns and gives her a slightly strained smile. Rose lets go of Jade and she beams at him.

 “Hello.”

 “It’s nice to see you again as well Dave. You too Rose.” He nods in your respective directions. You try to quell the laughter, wiping the tears away.

 “Hey Mr. E.” You say.

 “It’s always a pleasure seeing you Mr. Egbert.” Rose smiles warmly, nudging Jade in the shoulder. He hums and starts setting his various work things away. Rose starts to gather up the trash you all have left behind in the living room and you would get up to help her, but Jade is still in your lap and boy can she be heavy when she wants to be. Rose tugs gently at Jade’s ear.  
  
 “Ow, okay.” She says, getting up and rubbing her poor ear. Mr. Egbert makes his way into the kitchen and you stretch out your back. Jade picks up the last of the trash, tossing it away with Rose’s pile.

 “Are you guys ready?” John comes out and asks. Rose pulls on her shoes and goes over to the door.  
  
 “Yes.” She confirms. Jade quickly gathers up her stuff and the two of you walk to the door.  
  
 “Aye, Aye captain!” She opens the door and heads out.

 “Good night Mr. Egbert.” Rose calls into the house.

 “Good night kids.” He says with a wave. You wave back and go to the car. John and the others are already cozy inside.  
  
 “Let’s go Scooby! We have a mystery to solve.” He calls out to you. Rose laughs softly.

 “Shouldn’t Jade be Scooby?” You ask.  
  
 “If I’m Scooby then you’re Shaggy.” Jade says, buckling in her seatbelt. You get in the car, shaking your head at her.

 “But wasn’t Shaggy a druggie?” John looks over at Rose.

 “Quite possibly, yes.” She nods. You stare out the window and try not to let anything show on your face. John is already speeding out of his neighborhood and you find yourself digging the nail of your index finger into the back of your thumb. You watch as the city goes by, some people still walking around outside, streetlights turning on, traffic lights changing.

            John drops Jade off first since she lives the closest, she waves and wishes you another ‘happy birthday’ before scampering off to her door. Rose hums along to the radio and John actually goes at a more decent speed. You have scratched your thumb raw and have calmed down by the time you get to Rose’s house. She gives you one of those knowing looks and it sparks a twinge of fear in your heart. John wishes her a good night and drives off.

            You move to the front passenger seat at a red light. John gives you a small smile and you nod back. His eyes return to the road when the light changes to green. Like this you get a sudden sense of déjà vu and you play with the shoulder strap of your seatbelt. _This had been how it had started between you two._ You choose not to dwell on the thought. The ride is quiet, save for the radio softly playing. You pick at your pants idly and try to focus on what’s passing by.

            The apartment complex doesn’t come soon enough in your opinion. John pulls up alongside the front entrance and turns to you.

 “Well, happy birthday bro.” He smiles. You had been busy thinking of anything and everything else, not wanting to be back at the goddamn horse. _You should really just bury the poor metaphorical thing._

 “Yeah. Thanks.” You smile awkwardly back. The two of you stare at each other for a couple more minutes, before he gives you a little wave.

 “See you tomorrow.”  
  
 “Yeah. Right. Tomorrow.” You reach for the door and fumble blindly for the latch. You laugh awkwardly, _fucking door just open_. He chuckles when you finally get the door to open.

 “Goodnight.” He says. You attempt to get out with your seatbelt still on.  
  
 “Night John.” You unfasten the damn belt as quickly as possible, not even caring when the metal tongue smacks into your arm. You quickly get out and shut the door and John drives off. You sigh and stare up at the now darkened sky. You pick out a couple of constellations before remembering you are still standing out on the street, and how it is a good way to get mugged.

 “Home. Right…” You mumble. You really don’t want to but you get your feet moving. You hadn’t noticed how much you had missed hanging out with your friends until today. Shoving your hands into your pockets, your brain goes onto autopilot.

            You aren’t really paying attention to where you are going other than in and out of the elevator. You most likely could navigate this place blindfolded really. You sigh and place your hand on the doorknob, you have no idea if Bro has something in store for you or not. You are quickly snapped out of the thought when the knob turns. _Fuck did you forget to lock the door? Bro is going to kill you._ You look up at the door and notice a very important detail.

 “Oh. Wait…” You say softly to yourself. _This is Karkat’s place._ You chew your lip and debate with yourself. _Do I stay or do I go?_ You push the door open a bit and peek in, if you can’t see Karkat you’ll lock the door and go home. And if you do see him, well, you’ll knock and go in.

            Karkat is in there, curled wrapped up in a blanket with no lights on. You look at the movie he’s watching, and you actually recognize it. _Oh you got to fucking stay now._ There’s a screamer part of the movie coming up and you have a sudden itch to suddenly pull a small prank on him. You blame being around John all evening. You pull off your shoes and push the door open a bit wider for you to slip inside.

            Using your rad ninja skills, you creep in and shut the door silently behind you. You make your way to the back of his couch, keeping down low and in the shadows. Once there you stand up, leaning over slightly and getting into position. You can see he’s tensed up and waiting for the monster to pop out on the screen, _which makes this even better._ You count down the seconds in your head and hope your timing is actually right this time. _Three, two, one!_ You slam your hands down on the couch in the space between head and shoulders, and scream as loudly as you can. Karkat lets out a blood-curdling screech and jumps up. He gets caught up in his blanket and falls, head banging onto the coffee table before rolling onto the floor.

 “Oh fuck!” You leap over the couch and go to his side. He’s curled up in a small ball and sniffling quietly.

 “Are you okay? Shit.” You run your hands through your hair and hope you didn’t just give your goblin a concussion.

 “Are you dead?” You ask and lightly touch his shoulder. The response is instantaneous. He launches himself at you, covered in blanket and trying to fight you back.

 “Oh god!” You roll away and narrowly avoid him.

 “No! Get your hands off me! I am going to call the cops you fucking murderer!” Karkat yells, trying to free himself of his warm and cuddly prison.

 “Dude, dude, just calm down!” You dodge another wide swipe in your general area and tug at an end of the blanket. He flops out of his cocoon and groans. You sit there, a tad bit out of breath and he looks up at you.

 “You fucking piece of shit! You _idiot!_ What were you _thinking!?_ You almost gave me a damn heart attack!” He yells at you, getting a bit teary eyed. You are relieved that he isn’t bleeding from what you can see; head wounds are nasty after all.

 “I’m sorry, I had to.” You laugh softly.

 “You _asshole!_ I hope you get constipated for a _week_ and then get nothing but diarrhea the next!” He sits up.

 “Hey no. Don’t cry.” You reach towards him and he leans away.

 “I’m not crying.” Karkat says, wiping at his eyes. You chew your lip and try to guess what you should do to help calm him down. You open your arms and offer him a hug. Karkat curls in a bit more on himself and haphazardly takes in ragged breaths of air. This is no longer about being scared about a movie. This is about something else, something too close to what he won’t say. _Fuck._

 “Dude. I’m so fucking sorry,” You scoot a bit closer to him. “I swear to god I didn’t mean to scare you this badly.”

 “Fuck, no it’s fine. Sorry. I just…” He wipes the sides of his eyes and looks back up at you. You offer him your hand this time, and he clings tightly to it like a lifeline. You hold his hand back just as tightly, hoping it’s enough to help ground him. You can tell he’s carefully evening out his breaths.

 “It’s okay now. You’re safe.” You don’t know what works and what doesn’t but like hell are you just going to sit there like an idiot. While you may not know exactly where he’s coming from, you know you’d like to hear those words after a scare like this.

 “Yeah.” He scoffs, shoulders relaxing back down. You find the tension in your own back slowly melt away too. He looks up at you.

 “You just wanted to see if I could shit my pants, didn’t you? Dick head.” Karkat gently pushes your shoulder away with his free hand. Just like that, you know he’s coming back around. You are glad you don’t have to call Kankri, it would have been awkward, ' _H_ _ey man I broke your little brother by scaring the shit out of him_. _How do I fix it?'_ You rub soft circles into his hand with your thumb.

 “Just wanted to startle you, if you shat yourself then that’s a different matter.” You say. He snorts and shakes his head. You sit like that for a bit.

 “…I honestly didn’t mean to scare you that badly.”

 “Well I don’t want to know how bad it would have been if you had!” He rolls his eyes, lightly caressing your hand back.

 “If I had, I would’ve timed it for the bigger scare coming up, would’ve made it into a 4D experience for you,” You say and he harrumphs. “I mean, I’d handle basically everything but smell. Smell would be your contribution.”

 “Oh my fucking god, just shut up.” He smiles slightly and squeezes your hand.

 “Alright. I will then. Enjoy the gory movie as the soundtrack.” You hum.

 “I’m turning it off already. I’ve actually seen it before and it’s time for bed.” Karkat says, leaning backwards and grabbing the remote. He clicks the TV off.

 “How was your birthday? I saw you get kidnapped.”  
  
 “Yeah, I’m sorry about that too. I know we were just going to hang out together.” You look down at your clasped hands.

 “It’s fine. I knew you were with your friends so, I didn’t want to bother you.” He rubs one of your knuckles.

 “You _are_ one of my friends too.” You say. _Wish maybe you sort of wanted to be a bit more though._  
  
 “Yeah but I’m like another kind of friend.” He shrugs.

 “Still, it’s nice to relax and hang out with you. I’m probably less of an asshole too.” You hope so at least.

 “Well, you were a pretty damn big one when we first met. I bet you I went from a softy to a douche canoe. We sort of traded role I guess. And while yeah relaxing together is nice, you have other friends too. Enjoy them Dave. Live. I’m just one person; you should go out with them too. I don’t have much to offer besides the same activities over and over and over again.” He laces your fingers together and you give him a light squeeze. It makes you feel like a fifth grader, all fluttery and nervous on the inside. _God you hope your hand isn’t sweaty._

 “You should totally join us.” You say.

 “I don’t know. I know for sure John’s not a big fan of my work and I’m not a big fan of his either. I know a bit more about Rose because of Kanaya. And Jade? Jade I think I’ve had her in class before. They just, aren’t my group of friends you know?”  
  
 “Yeah.” You nod, understanding but still a tad bit let down.

 “But it’s fine. Maybe someday we can all just get together or something.” Karkat says.  
  
 “Maybe.” You would rather hold his hand like this though. It’s nice and you try not to think about kissing his face. He scoots closer to you and you bump your shoulders lightly together. He smiles and rests his head against your shoulder.

 “So. How come you decided to honor me with your presence birthday boy?” He asks.

 “I went to go home but my feet brought me here.” You respond.

 “Uh-huh. I see.” Karkat plays with your hands.

 “Home is where the heart is, right?” _Wait. Fuck. That’s the most obvious confession ever._ You think you can feel Karkat smiling, but you aren’t sure.

 “And the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” He says. You laugh softly and resist the urge to kiss his knuckles and cheek.

 “So I guess you’re in love with my cooking, then?” He looks over at you.

 “Hell yeah.” You say and he rolls his eyes and scoffs. It’s fine if he doesn’t believe you, but you feel that his food tastes much better than his brothers.

 “You’re an extra added bonus.” You tell Karkat.

 “Oh really?” He raises an eyebrow.

 “Mhmm.”  
  
 “One would think it’d be the other way around.” He says.

 “You got to carefully bond and shit to get you too.” You hum. He nods quietly, you get the feeling you messed up again.

 “It’s worth it you know? All the additional payments.” You say in hopes of rectifying the mistake. He laughs, _fuck yeah._

 “If you say so.” He says.

 “I do say so. I mean it. You’re worth it.” _And so much more._

 “Is it confidence boost time?” Karkat asks “Because I think you’re worth a whole lot of shit too.” You try not to smile too widely.

 “Yeah?”

 “Well yeah. You’re a decent person, you haven’t given me any actual shit, you’re actually fun to hang out with, and even if you weren’t you’d still be worth something.” He looks over at you. You laugh softly and ignore the way it makes you want to cry a bit.

 “What? It’s true.” He says. You believe him and god it feels so nice.

 “We sound like some cheesy couple.” You tell him, _and you would love the hell out of it._ Karkat laughs.

 “I think this would be the part where we’d kiss then.”

 “Yeah huh?” You think of your odds of getting one if you leaned in for it. You aren’t sure and stare at the hand that Karkat is playing with. You look up at his face, how the dim glow of the nightlight next to him faintly outlines his face. He glances up at you and you think you can make out the color of his blush. He takes your hand and softly presses his lips to your knuckles and then your wrist. You bite down on your lip, fighting the smile and a case of soft giddy giggling. _Fucking hell you have it bad for him.  
_

 “Happy birthday Dave.” He says, giving your hand a soft squeeze. You squeeze back.

 “Yeah. Thanks.” You whisper back, smiling despite your efforts and feeling like you are on top of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	14. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of B's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Sexual Conduct  
> -Sexual Slurs  
> -Sexual Innuendo  
> -Cursing  
> -Drug Mention  
> -School Midterms

            It had been a couple of days before you realized that you one, did _not_ have any idea of how to properly study and two, had no idea of _what_ to study for. Most of your notes from the beginning of the semester are either half-assed or not there at all. You had called Karkat and he agreed to help you study for the midterms, which is why you are on his couch. Except, you aren’t studying. The two of you are cuddled up and watching some bullshit movie that _has_ to be a parody. It’s just too many movie references mashed up into one for it to not be.

            It’s odd that you’re watching this kind of movie anyway. Karkat isn’t usually interested in them from what you had been able to tell. You suppose it doesn’t really matter though, you aren’t paying it any attention. You are more focused on the way Karkat’s face looks, the curve of his nose, the colors that make up his eyes, the small little mole near the corner of his eye. Your eyes are drawn down to those lips, a thing you have no one but yourself to blame for.

            You kind of desperately want to kiss those lips. Karkat rests his hand on your knee and you glance down at it. It’s nice just resting there, comforting. You look at the TV in an attempt to distract yourself from his face and hand, but quickly give up on trying to understand what the fuck was going on anymore. Karkat hums as his hand moves up your thigh. _He just wants a better place to put it. Obviously._

            You try not to think too much about the way he traces soft circles into your pants, or the way he scoots closer to press up against you better. He nuzzles his head against your chest, his hand slipping up higher along your inner thigh. _Okay, yeah. This is a thing._ You are pretty okay with this so far, and sigh shakily. Karkat is lightly scratching your jeans with just enough force that you can feel it through the denim.

            Much to your surprise he doesn’t actually stop there, no his hand goes ahead and lightly runs over your crotch. _This is definitely a thing that is happening._ You look down at Karkat and he glances up at you, fingers tracing along the seam. You do your best to stifle a soft sound, but judging from the face he makes you were not successful.

 “That…That is my dick.” You say. Because maybe he forgot that it was a thing that was attached to you, attached and very much aware of his hand pressing just _that_ much harder against it.

 “I don’t know, I think this is like only five percent of it. The other ninety-five percent is your personality.” He smirks evilly up at you. You laugh slightly, but it’s quickly cut off when he leans up and presses his lips to your jaw. You bite your lip as Karkat makes a trail of kisses up along your jawline to your ear.

 “O-okay…” You say, tilting your head to give him more room.

 “Okay?” Karkat hums and kisses along your neck.

 “Yeah.” You moan softly.

 “Good.” He says, nipping at your neck and pushing his palm against you.

 “Fuck…” You whisper. Karkat bites at your pulse and snickers.

 “I told you it was easy to get little Dave up.” He teases. You eventually remember that you, in fact, are in possession of hands and slide them up along his back. He clamps his teeth down harshly onto your neck and you moan loudly. Your fingers some how have found their way into Karkat’s hair and you tug gently at the strands. He sighs shakily, sucking a mark onto your skin as you grind up against his hand that’s still between your legs. His forehead presses into your collarbone, biting his lip and rubbing the front of your jeans in tandem with your grinding. You tug his hair harder and he moans softly, letting you pull his face off your chest.

            You still want to kiss those lips damn it, but you settle for his jawline as he shifts and climbs into your lap. You untangle your fingers from his hair and wrap your arms around his waist, tugging him closer to you. This time you go for it; _you might as well at this point,_ and press your lips against his. Karkat loops his arms around your neck, leaving soft scratches along it and sighing happily. You nip at his lip and he rolls his hips down against yours, parting his lips for you. Your tongue slides against his, making things five hundred times more sloppy than before.

            Karkat bites gently at your tongue and drags his nails harshly against your shoulders. You time the rolling of his hips with yours and moan, breaking the kiss for air because you had forgotten how to breathe for a few minutes. He curses in your ear, as you give his neck the treatment he had given yours. He calls out your name so sweetly, _holy hot damn;_ it sends a shiver down your spine. Your hands run down along his sides to grab at that ass of his.

 “Sorry if this is all of a sudden, the movie was just _really boring._ ” Karkat says leaning back into your touch.

 “Oh _fuck_ , I don’t care. This is nice.” You give that ass a squeeze and he moans, sliding his hands into your hair. You murmur his name and nip at his shoulder, as you use your hold to grind up against him better.

 “Fuck, _Dave!_ ” He tugs hard at your hair. You moan loudly and suck harshly against his pulse.

 “Dave!” You let go of that spot and move on to make another, dragging your nails along his back. He moans your name loudly and you shiver. _Holy shit your name has no right to sound this good._ Karkat grabs your shoulders and shakes them lightly.

 “Dave. Dave! Hey!” He says, getting louder.

 “Wha—?” You open your eyes, not realizing you had even shut them in the first place and are greeted by your ceiling and a not so happy Karkat. Your name is Dave Strider, more commonly known as _‘You are so fucking boned right now’_ , and you just had a wet dream about your little goblin crush. You are now wide awake and hope to god he didn’t hear you say anything incriminating.

 “Dude it’s like, two in the afternoon. You were supposed to be at my place an hour ago.” Karkat looks down at you. You cover your face with your hands and whine. You can feel the heat on your face spread out.

 “Ditched me for a wet dream. How nice of you.” Karkat sits up and crosses his arms. You can’t find your voice and continue to make embarrassed noises. He laughs and flops down on the bed next to you.

 “So what Playboy model was it huh?” You peek through your fingers over at him. He wiggles his eyebrows and you want to die. _Why would you dream that? Bad Dave._ You slowly pull your hands off of your face.

 “Come on, get up. I know you need a _lot_ of beauty sleep but it’s study time.” He rolls off your bed and gets up. You sit up and curl inwards a bit.

 “Y-yeah. Study.” You can’t look Karkat in the eye.

 “Really?” He places his hands on his hips and raises a brow.

 “What?”

 “You’re weak.” He says glancing down at your lap and back to your face.

 “Oh my god, shut up.” You feel ten times redder, and you try to banish the dream from your mind.

 “Just think of like dead puppies, or maybe grandmas. Naked grandmas, yeah. Or I don’t know, say the pledge of allegiance.” Karkat suggests. None of those things are what you feel like doing right this moment.

 “Or you can just give me a minute and go wait in the living room.” You rub your forehead and glance around for where you last left your shades.

 “I’m just trying to help.” He says.

 “I know.” _You did plenty,_ you sigh.

 “But fine. I’ll wait for you back at my place. Bring your books.”

 “Yes sir.” You nod. He hums and turns around, leaving and giving you the room. You groan and flop back onto your bed. You chew your lip, a part of you just wants to take care of your little ‘problem’ and finish off the dream. Another part of you, the one that wins out, wants to just get up and face the day.

            You dig around for your looser pair of pants and slip them and your shades on. Fuck changing your shirt, it’s laundry day and you don’t feel like looking for a clean one. You shove all of your notes and books into your backpack, and hope that Bro isn’t in the living room. _You would die if he was._

            Fortunately, there is no sign of him when you peek out, and you breathe a sigh of relief. That’s one less problem to worry about. You sling your backpack onto a shoulder and grunt. It probably weighs about a quarter of your weight now and you can feel your body leaning to your other side to counter the weight. You open the door and flip the lock on the knob.

 “I’m leaving!” You call out, and aren’t surprised when you get no response. By the time you make the journey to Karkat’s, little you has calmed down. You knock on the door.

 “Come in.” Karkat says. You enter and close the door behind you, kicking off your shoes and setting them aside. You take a seat next to him at his table, and he passes you his opened chemistry book.

 “Alright, I know we did this in class. I think Sollux was helping me with it, but I don’t remember what questions we had to skip.” He scoots closer to you. You are suddenly hyper aware of the distance between the two of you, how close his arm is to yours, and how close his knee is.

 “Okay.” You say, finding yourself staring at his hands. You could stretch your pinkie finger out and touch his. He looks up at you, waiting for you to answer and you clear your throat and actually look at the damn book.

 “W-which one?” You wince slightly at the stumble of your words. Karkat doesn’t comment on it though, just leans closer to you. You can smell his shampoo and you try not to think about how creepy it probably sounds to like how he smells.

 “This one,” He points at the number in the book. “We have A, B, and C, but I remember we had to skip one of them. I’d do it all but I’m lazy and fuck it, _I’m_ not doing extra work.”

 “Uh huh.” You say mechanically. You totally did not just sniff his hair. Nope. Definitely was not you. _Fuck, stop. You have to focus._

 “Dave?”

 “Yeah?” You glance over at him and catch his worried gaze. You lean back a bit to put some room between the two of you.

 “Are you okay?” He asks.

 “N-nah man I’m…I’m okay. Yeah.” _What the fuck was that._ You almost want to crawl back home and hide in your closet.

 “Did you have another nightmare?” Karkat shifts to face you better.

 “Uh…N-not exactly” You laugh nervously. _Dear Jesus shoot you where you sit._

 “Are you worried about midterms that bad? Dude, you’ll do great. Maybe not straight A’s, but we can shoot for B’s.” He pats your leg. You can’t suppress the smaller nervous laugh that bubbles up your throat.

 “Yeah. B’s are…B’s are great.” You nod.

 “Yeah.” Karkat smiles and nods with you.

 “Yep. Mhmm. So good those B’s, making all the grade school honey and shit.” _Fuck me._ _You sound like an idiot._ Karkat rolls his eyes.

 “Come on now, what do you need help on?”

 “Uh.” Is your clever response. _My whole life,_ you think to yourself.

 “I don’t even have to take the chemistry final. I got the grade I want, but I have to worry about my other classes. I think I got it though. Nothing lower than a D I think.” He continues when you don’t come up with an actual answer.

 “That’s uh…that’s great.” You nod.

 “Mhmm.” He nods with you. You continue to nod in silence and he shakes his head.

 “So let’s worry about you.” Karkat says.

 “Yep. Worry about me.” Your nervous laugh makes yet another encore performance. _Why of all things, laughing is your nervous tic; it’s so fucking obvious._

 “Dave. Are you sure you’re alright?”

 “Pssh yeah.” You nod, focusing on keeping your breathing even and stomping out the next laugh that threatens to spill out.

 “You seem really nervous. It’s just the midterms. Your grades aren’t going to define you.”

 “Y-yeah. Yeah.” You clear your throat. Karkat rests a hand on your shoulder. _Fuck._

 “Just relax.”

 “I’m…I’m so relaxed. Right now. S’not even funny. How fucking relaxed I am.”

 “You’re as stiff as a thirteen year old who just saw his first boob.” He deadpans.

 “Am not.” You puff out your cheeks. _You are making this ten times more awkward._

 “Just calm down.” He massages your shoulders. You bite you lip and relax slightly.

 “You got this okay?” Karkat shifts so he can properly get to your shoulders and rub out one of the knots there.

 “Mhmm.” You moan softly. _Shit, it feels so nice._

 “If I remember correctly you owe me one of these.” He says, massaging another knot out of your shoulder.

 “Yeah.” You moan again, and slowly become putty in his arms. He bites his lip and runs his hands up your back. You sigh softly and he pats you shoulders.

 “Better?” Karkat asks. You respond with a pleased noise and curl up on the floor, resting your head in his lap. He whines.

 “This isn’t studying.” He combs his fingers through your hair. You enjoy the little shiver it sends down your spine. He reads aloud from the books and notes you brought. You hum and nuzzle against his leg, listening quietly to his voice. Every now and then Karkat will ask you questions, lightly pats your head for getting it right, and tugs at your hair for getting it wrong. Both sensations you find to also be quite nice, and you purposefully get some wrong just to feel the little tug.

 “I don’t think you’re as clueless as you thought. I think you were just worried and stressing out too much.” He hums.

 “But once I get to that test it’ll all go out the window.” You sigh.

 “Just stay relaxed.” He says, scratching at your scalp lightly.

 “How?” Not like you’d be allowed in just to pet my hair.” You shift to get comfy. Karkat chuckles.

 “Yeah. But you can just think about it? I don’t know.”

 “Think about you petting and pulling my hair?” It’s a thing you could do if you wanted to you suppose.

 “Whatever helps you man. Once we get our grades we can just relax and enjoy our break.” He says.

 “Yeah.” You smile slightly. _With hopefully, not too many of those dreams._ Karkat continues to play with your hair and you attempt a half-assed purring sound.

 “I always thought you’d be more of a dog person.” He says with a soft snicker.

 “Cat noises are easier to make.” You hum and trace soft circles onto the thigh you’re resting on. You two chill like this for a bit and when he goes to cram your shit back into your backpack you decide it’s time to get moving. You press a soft kiss to his stomach and sit up, helping him gather up everything.

 “I’m sure you’ll do fine. Just get some good rest before your tests.” Karkat says. You think you can catch a hint of a smile.

 “Yeah. I think I’ll just end up more frustrated with dreams like this morning.” You stretch your back.

 “What did you dream about?” He raises a brow. _Shit._

 “Um…” You didn’t have a lie ready and you can’t think one up on the fly that would excuse your behavior from earlier. He gives you a curious look and waits for your response.

 “Uh…We…I…” You laugh and tug at your hair slightly. Karkat sighs.

 “You can just say you don’t want to talk about it.” He stands up and picks up his books that had been strewn across the table.

 “It’s just hells awkward.” You mumble.

 “I would guess so.”

 “You were in it.” You chew your lip and figure you can tell him the PG version of your dream.

 “Aww, I’m in your dreams,” Karkat balances his books on his hip and rests a free hand on his chest. “I’m honored.”

 “Yeah. You are the man of my dreams.” You lean back and smile up at him. _The man of my sexy dreams, fuck wait, stop._ You shake your head to banish the thought.

 “What was I doing?” He asks.

 “Oh y'know, just watching movies together.” _And getting frisky. A little bump and grind._

 “That doesn’t sound too bad. Hell I’m down for that, just as long as you think you’ll pass your tests.” He says, picking his backpack up and slinging it over his free shoulder.

 “I sure hope so.” You sigh. Tests always have made you insanely nervous, to the point of you getting ill on occasion.

 “Maybe we can review tomorrow to be sure and be at ease.” Karkat says, heading back towards his room. You get up and shuffle after him, looking around his room again when you get inside. You’ve been in here plenty of times in the months that you have come to know Karkat. Absentmindedly, your hand brushes against the bracelet he tied to your wrist. You’ve been doing well with your promises and you feel proud of yourself because of it. _It’s a bit silly, but it’s important to you isn’t it? Not just the promises, but also the goblin himself._ The goblin who flops onto his bed and pats the spot next to him, that’s the goblin you have fallen for.

            You get up on the bed anyway, joining him by his side. He digs out his TV remote and hands it over to you for you to pick the channel the two of you will be watching. You cuddle up to his side and put it on some channel at random, not really caring all that much for what it will land on. Karkat pulls his phone and you hear him tap away at the screen. You try not to stare at his face but fail miserably. _God he has beautiful eyes._

 “Have you ever noticed that we cuddle a lot?” He suddenly asks, setting his phone aside and shifts so he can curl up with you more properly. You were too busy watching his lips and how they moved to make the words that you didn’t pay any attention to. _Fucking hell Strider, get it together._

 “Like I have no problem with it, I just think it’s funny how we’ve sort of been doing it since day one. I don’t think I’ve been this close to anyone besides Gamzee.” Karkat hums thoughtfully.

 “Oh? Is that good?” You ask.

 “It’s…It’s nice. I can tell I’m very comfortable. Are you?” He snakes his arms around you and nuzzles your shoulder.

 “Mhmm.” You nod.

 “Good.” He says, playing around and picking at the front of your shirt. You slip your arms around his waist and bury your face in his hair.

 “You’ve been doing very well.” He murmurs against you.

 “I promised I would.”

 “Three whole months down,” He says with a squeeze and you smile back. “How have you been feeling so far?”

 “Pretty okay, little itchy sometimes but it’s fine.” You shrug. Karkat rests his head on your chest.

 “How’s shit at home?”

 “Okay I guess. Bro seems to be home more but we still don’t really ‘talk’ to each other. Haven’t told him about _it_ yet.” You stare up at the ceiling.

 “Do you think you should?”

 “I don’t want to, but it’s something you should talk about right?” You don’t want to deal with the whole conversation. Hell, you’d be happier if Bro never found out about your old vices.

 “Well yeah, but only when you’re ready. Would you rather tell him yourself or have him find out from some other means?” Karkat looks up at you.

 “I would just rather him never know.” _Bro would be so disappointed in you if he knew._

 “Well then maybe we’ll just have to keep you extra clean and fix all of this.” Karkat says. You nod in agreement.

 “Look at it this way, you started off with really bad grades, horrible reputation at the school office, fights every week and stressed even at home. It’s been a bit over three months and so far you have been able to fix your grades. We cleaned that mess you called a room and it’s surprisingly stayed that way. You’ve told me you’ve spent more time with your friends; hell I’ve seen it too. Last week you picked me up from Gamzee’s and you were fine. You are doing great. So far so good.” He smiles up at you and rests his hand over the top of yours.

 “We’re not done, but I think it’s fair to enjoy your victory so far.” He says.

 “Yeah.” You mumble, shifting your hand in his grip to lace your fingers together.

 “Yeah.” He reaffirms. You smile slightly and press your lips gently to his forehead. Karkat ducks his head into your chest shortly afterwards. You want to kiss the rest of his face, especially those lips of his, but you accept lying like this on the bed. You hug him tight and feel yourself getting tired again. Karkat hums softly and you pet his hair as he did for you earlier today.  
  
 “You’re always putting me to sleep.” He mumbles against your shirt.

 “Is that bad?” You ask.

 “No, it’s the opposite. It’s really fucking sweet. You’re so boring that you actually cure me from my insomnia and put me to sleep.”  
  
 “Oh ha. Ha. Very funny.” You roll your eyes. He chuckles and nuzzles your chest softly.

 “Oh you know I love you.” He says.

 “I love you too bro.” You make sure to quickly tack on the ‘bro’ on the end. It’d be awkward if you fucking confessed while joking around about shit. Karkat rolls slightly onto his back and does and over-exaggerated swoon.

 “Oh Dave, tell me that you love me once more! Let us run away together, and do nothing but cuddle, sleep, and eat together.”

 “But we already do that? But sure, why not.” You say. He flops over your stomach and you grunt.

 “Right? We are such a boring couple.” He sighs.

 “We’re not even a couple.” You point out.

 “Maybe that’s what we’ve been doing wrong then.” Karkat says, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. You bite your lip and try not to read too much into what he says, _would he really want to go out with you?_

 “S-so what? Do we start going out now or what?” You ask, those damned butterflies getting all jittery in your gut. Fuck those butterflies and how they make you nervous.

 “Nah. I’m good like this.” Karkat says, tugging the zipper of his hoodie off and flinging it towards his closet. You hum, and try not to get too hung up about it. _He probably doesn’t like you like that in the first place._

 “I love you…bro.” You ‘confess’. Karkat looks back at you. He leans close and combs your hair back, pressing a small kiss to your forehead.

 “I love you too man.” He says softly before hopping off his bed. You try, and fail, to not let that give you too much hope. You look up at him and attempt to force the wide smile back down. Karkat stares at his phone and worries his lip.

 “What’s up?” You manage to ask, having schooled your expression and voice back to normal.

 “It’s almost seven and Kankri still isn’t home. He did say he was going to visit a friend but that never takes too much of his time. I hope he’s alright.” He glances out his window and then back down to his phone screen.

 “Why not just call him?” You sit up and face him.

 “Maybe later. I don’t want to push him or seem desperate. He doesn’t go out much so if he’s having fun I don’t want to ruin it for him. That or maybe he’s dealing with like his friend who had relationship problems again. You know the whole, ‘New partner every month’ kind of friend?” He rambles, taking a seat next to you.

 “Mhmm. I know that kind of friend. Hell, Bro’s kind of a ‘New partner ever night’ guy.” You lean back. From what you can remember, Bro’s only ever been somewhat steady with one girl. You have vague memories of her coming around often, and you briefly wonder what happened to her.

 “Well to each their own thing I guess. Kankri’s the kind of ‘New partner every life time’ guy. But, oh well. As long as he’s happy.” Karkat hums, breaking your train of thought. You nod and lay back down. Karkat sighs softly and joins you once more.

 “What about you Dave?”

 “What about me?”

 “What’s your dream partner like? Hmm?” He nudges you softly. You shrug.

 “I don’t know? Nice? Cute?”

 “Don’t guess, tell me. You have to have some idea,” He scoots closer to you. “Come on, if we were to go to Build-A-Bae, how would you build your bae?” You laugh, for once not like a nervous idiot, and shake your head. You can feel him struggle to not laugh as well.

 “What would you build?” He asks again.

 “A forgiving person.” You say. You’d need someone to look at all your fuckups and accept them, and any little mistakes you make. Karkat nods and you hum, thinking of more things.

“Trustworthy.” You decide. That’s a pretty good trait to have, to be able to be trusted and give trust to them. You sigh.

 “I don’t really know besides that. I mean if they actually _like_ me back there’s no problem.” You cross your arms, _unlike a certain boy blue._ Karkat hums and nods.

 “That’s always nice.”

 “What about you? What bae would you build?” You ask. He shifts to rest his head on your chest again.

 “Let’s see. They have to be faithful.” He says. You nod in agreement. That is in fact a very good thing to have in a relationship.

 “I have to be able to feel safe and comfortable with them. They would have to be understanding and patient. And probably be able to deal with all my messy shit.” He sighs softly.

 “Yeah.” You know how he feels on that one.

 “I want someone who I could have a fight with and _not_ worry about breaking up over it. Like I don’t want to fight them twenty-four/seven but if we fight, I want to be able to fix it. I don’t want to be with someone who would give up on me.” Karkat curls up a bit and you thread your hands through his hair.

 “I think that’s it for now. And well, being loved back is nice too, very nice. Feeling like you matter to someone is _very_ fucking nice.” He leans into your touch and you stare up at the ceiling.

 “It is.” You say softly. Karkat wraps his arms back around you and closes his eyes. You listen to the way he breathes. You bring your arms around him and hug him close to you. The two of you lay there in silence, hugging the other close and pretending everything outside doesn’t matter. You find yourself softly humming some tune you remember Bro singing to you as a kid. You admit to yourself that maybe you do miss those days when he could balance you on a hip, sing soft songs to you while rubbing your back, and the monsters would go away.

            You can tell that Karkat has fallen asleep and you wish you could join him, but your mind is occupied with other thoughts. You really should tell Bro about the drug addiction you are getting away from, maybe try to tell him about the other thing you had been doing. Especially since Bro still holds that shit for his ‘friends’ and it has tempted you more than once. You wonder how Bro would react to you spilling your guts about everything. _Would he be pissed? Upset? Not care?_ The last thought makes your stomach knot up. _He cares about you, you’re his brother, he has to care._ You tell yourself, and you thankfully fall asleep before your brain could try to counter the thought.

            You have been drifting calmly on the waves of sleep when you hear what you think is a muffled moan. _Dear god, please not another sex dream._ When nothing else happens you hum softly. You feel Karkat worm his way closer to you and you smile sleepily. You nuzzle the top of his head and take slow breaths to lull yourself back to sleep. Karkat hums softly and you feel his hand slide up your cheek, pulling your shades off your face. You assume he puts them somewhere safe and his hand comes back to cup your cheek. You lean into the touch and smile. He gently rubs his thumb against your cheek. You bring your arms more securely around his waist.

            You are totally awake now, but you don’t want to ruin this rather tender moment between you two. Karkat cuddles up with you again. You take this opportunity to twine your legs around his, doing your best impression of a snake hug, soft squeeze included. He scoffs and rests his head on your shoulder. You hum and gently run your hands along his back. Karkat tenses up, freezing, before slowly unwinding and relaxing into your touch. _God you want to kiss his face._ Instead you press a soft kiss into his forehead. It’s become your favorite place to kiss. You can feel his small smile and you start to drift back to sleep.

            You manage to stay in the twilight zone, half awake and half asleep, for quite a bit. It’s nice and soothing, until you hear that moan from earlier make a comeback. Granted it’s louder this time, and a bit closer. You open your eyes and glance down to find Karkat looking up at you with wide eyes.

 “Did…did you hear that?” You ask

 “Yes I heard that!” He hisses, sitting up. There is the mystery moan again; it reminds you of when Bro brings his partner for the night home.

 “Dude. I think your bro’s getting laid.” You look over at Karkat.

 “ _Oh my fucking god!_ That’s – no! That can’t be true, he’s not even with anyone.”

 “That you know of.” You say sitting up. Karkat shoves you and presses his ear against the wall.

 “Shhh!” He glares over at you. You shrug and decide to humor him, and press your own ear against the wall. The two of you eavesdrop on Kankri getting freaky with some one.

 “They sound like a girl? Okay um, he did mention a girl I think? Like once, like two years ago?” Karkat says confused.

 “Don’t ask me I don’t fucking know. Hell it could be a guy with a high register.” You say. You have had that fun experience more than once back at your place. You’d think the voice belonged to a woman and in the morning you catch some guy trying to sneak out.

 “I don’t know! He never mentioned a guy before?” Karkat seems to be very distressed.

 “Maybe he didn’t want to?” It’s logical; maybe he didn’t feel like having the conversation. You doubt it though; Kankri and Karkat actually talk about things unlike you and Bro. After a couple more moans and soft begging Karkat flings himself away from the wall.

 “Oh my god, did he not get my message? I told him you were staying the night,” He scrambles around for his phone and checks. His hand slaps into his face. “I am _so_ sorry, oh my god. I should have stayed at your place.” Karkat groans and you shrug. You guess the message didn’t go through.

 “Nah it’s fine. I hear Bro getting nasty with his partners like, almost every other night. I’m pretty used to it.”

 “Well I’m not! Kankri’s never been with anyone! Oh my god, you would think that the little dick snogging douche would share that information! How the hell does he spend most of his time telling me he’s demi and then just brings a guy home? Or girl. Or person. Whoever the fuck they identify as!” He crosses his arms and huffs.

 “You are asking the wrong person. But y’know we could do a variety of things.” You say. He gives you a curious look and you lean back slightly.

 “Like we could pretend to be louder than them, with either fake ass moans or loud music. Or just make up some bs scary story to go with the background noise. It’s what I do at home.” You say.

 “How about no. Let’s…let’s just go back to bed. Oh my god. As far as I know this is like his first time too, oh my god. No. Why this? Why do I have this luck? I bet you this wouldn’t be happening if we weren’t here. Like, he wouldn’t have gotten laid. But _no! The stars must be in fucking position!_ ” Karkat groans and flops back down onto his bed. You shrug. You are just glad it’s not you dreaming again. The high moans boarder on screaming as you figure they get closer to finishing. Karkat tugs his pillow over his head in attempt to block it out.

 “Oh look. One’s done.” You say as one of the voices peaks and goes quiet. Karkat whines and kicks your leg. Another voice says a muffled name and then it’s silent.

 “And that’s two.” You hum. Karkat throws his pillow at your face. You laugh and he glares at you, red in the face.

 “Bed. Now. Just go to sleep!” He whispers harshly.

 “Nah man, I’m now too awake for that.” You roll your neck and shoulders. You toss him back his pillow and he snatches it up.

 “Night babe.” You tease. He flips you off and rolls onto his other side. You stare up at his ceiling and then look over at him.

 “Bet you sound like ten times hotter.” You say. He throws another pillow at you.

 “Go the fuck to sleep Dave!” He hisses. You laugh loudly and Karkat picks up his remaining pillow and tries to smother you with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	15. Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Gangs  
> -Drug Mentions  
> -Rehab Mention  
> -Sexual Comments  
> -Cursing  
> -Spanish and Spanish slurs/cursing

             You are in the middle of a rather nice dream, involving pancakes, eggs, and old childhood memories. It makes a small smile twitch onto your lips as you doze peacefully, enjoying the feeling of being six years old and small enough for Bro to hold on his hip while showing you how to make pancakes. You almost believe that the last eleven years of your life had been one hell of a dream until you are startled awake by very loud, angry yelling. If you had to guess it’s Karkat. No one can rage quite like he can this early in the day. There’s a second voice and while it’s not as loud, you can tell it’s just as angry. You groan and sit up, looking for your shades and the time.

 “Eres una mierda, lo savias? Pensé que confiabas en mi! ¿¡Como que llevas todo un maldito año completo!?” You think that’s Karkat. You pull on your shades and get up out of bed.

 “Si no te lo dije es por que estaba _muy_ ocupado.” _That must be Kankri then_. You make your way out and towards the sounds of the fighting. You see Karkat and Kankri in the kitchen, making breakfast with a fury you had not known was possible. Kankri’s mystery date is sitting at the table, back to you.

 “¿Ocupado?” Karkat snaps his head over in Kankri’s direction.

 “Si. Ocupado.” Kankri is mixing flour with aggression.

 “¿POR TODO UN PINCHI AÑO?” Karkat screeches with a dark glare. Kankri just groans and takes his aggression out on the flour. You walk over to the table, rubbing your face and sighing softly.

 “¡Nunca me dijiste nada sobre un chico!” Karkat cracks open eggs like he’s imagining they’re skulls. It partly scares you.

 “Y tu nunca dijiste nada sobre aquella abejita hackiante, hasta que quebraron.” Kankri gives him a look.

 “¡Eso fue diferente! ¡Nunca llevamos un año!” Karkat hisses. From what little context clues all you know is that something is ‘different’ and it’s been ‘a year’. You assume that it has something to do with the man at the table.

 “It’s too early for this shit.” You mumble making your way to the seat in front of mystery man.

 “Oh shit.” He says, looking at you with wide eyes. His hair is combed back and you give a curious glance at the scars above his brow. He gives you a little wave.

 “Hey.” He says and you nod in response.

 “Y luego pensaste ‘¿Oh sabes que quiero hacer hoy cielo? Quiero cogerte en mi casa, mientras grito y muevo toda la maldita cama para despertar a mi inocente y querido hermano’.” Karkat violently mixes the eggs.

 “Ya te dije que pensé que estabas en casa de Dave!” Kankri groans. You turn to face them when you hear your name.

 “Oh shit is he making pancakes?” You ask, recognizing the ingredients Kankri’s mixing together.

 “Yeah, he’s makin’ pancakes.” Mystery man says.

 “Fuck yeah.” You are too happy about this.

 “O si supieras.” Karkat rolls his eyes.

 “Solo, déjalo. ¿Esta bien? Podemos hablar después del desayuno. Tengo hambre y no quiero seguir discutiendo con Cronus en la casa…” Kankri tells him. Karkat heaves an irritated sigh.

 “If I get pancakes, I don’t care what I heard last night.” You hum.

 “So you heard all of it too huh?” Mystery man asks.

 “Yeah. I don’t actually care either way. Just want to know one thing. Which one was basically screaming like a girl?” You fold your arms on the table. He points over at Kankri, and you nod.

 “A’ight, cool. So Mr. ‘Oh god, please more’ what’s your actual name?” The mystery man chuckles and shakes his head.

 “Cronus.” He says.

 “Awesome. I’m Dave.” _You had thought that’s what you heard through the walls._ Cronus offers you his hand and you bump your knuckles against his palm.

 “Cool. So ‘Dave’, if I was here hitting a homerun, what were you up to?” He asks.

 “Tryin’ to get some Z’s in the room next to your romp party. Gotta say, you kept me up there for a bit, was tempted to make some noises back. Maybe bang on the wall and make into a competition. But, Karcrab said no.” You puff out your cheeks slightly.

 “I don’t blame anyone for trying to make some noise with a Vantas.” Cronus chuckles, looking over at Kankri. You totally do not look over and check Karkat out.

 “Yeah, he’s _really_ nice. Ten out of ten would tap.” You hum.

 “Would you?” Cronus looks back over at you and raises an eyebrow. You nod, you would want more than just his ass, like his hands and heart.

 “They are hard to get.” He tells you.

 “Don’t I know it…” You sigh.

 “Think you got what it takes to tame that?”

 “I hope I do.” You lean heavily on the table.

 “Aw don’t be too hard on yourself kid. It took me years to get Kankri to say yes to a date. And to be honest, last night was all luck, I hadn’t even been going for that.” He says, nudging your arm and giving you a small smile. The words aren’t really that encouraging, but it’s not like it was something you didn’t know.

 “But damn,” He continues. “The main thing with that was just that I felt trusted. If the lil’ crab is anything like the big one, you just need to make him feel safe and comfortable. Trust me, it’s worth it. You get all these smiles and soft laughs, and a lot of love. It’s great.” He smiles into his cup of coffee.

 “A’ight. I’ll make note of that. Store that shit away. Write it down on my arm like Mulan.” You had already figured that much out on your own, but you appreciate the gesture.

 “Do remember that it got erased.” Cronus says.

 “Well yeah, I’d keep my arm away from water. Attempt to wear tank tops in the heat to keep me from sweating it off too.” You know you wouldn’t actually feel comfortable with a tank top. You haven’t for a long time. He hums and nods.

 “So tell me kid, how long have you been romancing the crab?”

 “Not very. It’s not like I’m actively trying to right now. Hell I just barely accepted it myself that I like him.” You cross your arms and glance over at Karkat. He’s busy cleaning up around Kankri, still muttering darkly in Spanish.

 “Oh?” Cronus says, setting his cup down and giving you his full attention.

 “It wasn’t over the whole ‘Fuck he’s a guy and I’m a guy’ kind of accepting. Trust me, I had that shit down a long time ago. But I was just thinking it had first been because of something else.” You stare down at the table.

 “Like?” Cronus presses.

 “Kind of like getting affection slash attention on a regular basis again. Just thought it was me being all up on that.” You say. You had also briefly considered it to be from the praise of doing well and keeping your promise as well as straight out lust.

 “Oh boy, I had the exact opposite problem with Kankri.” Cronus says.

 “Yeah?”  
  
“Mhmm. I had _everyone’s_ attention but his. I had honestly thought he was playin’ hard to get, but he really just didn’t care. Well, he was afraid I guess, not that I blame him. I mean, we were in opposite gangs.” He hums.

 “What. Wait. Hold up, back that up. Be kind and rewind.” You aren’t sure you heard him right.

 “What?”

 “Opposite gangs?” You look at him.

 “Yeah. Like you know, I controlled the west. His gang tried to own the south. How old are you? You know what a gang is don’t you?” He gives you a concerned look.

 “I know what a gang is. I’m trying to picture Kankri in one and I got to say, it’s pretty hard.”

 “Well now maybe it is.” Cronus hums. You hear a loud gasp and you turn towards the sound. Kankri is gripping a small pile of plates for dear life.

 “D-Dave!”

 “Yo.” You wave slightly.

 “Good morning!” Kankri says.

 “Good morin’.” You nod.

 “Did you just get here?” He asks.

 “I’ve been here all night.” You tell him. Kankri stares at you and glances over to Cronus, who shrugs. He then glances over to Karkat, who nods softly in agreement.

 “I-Is that so?” Kankri looks back over to you.

 “Yep.” You hum.

 “How did, um, how did you sleep?”

 “I was woken up by what I had thought was a woman in the throes of passion, I have been informed that it was actually you.” You shrug. Karkat takes the plates out of Kankri’s hands and places them on the counter top.

 “Is that so?” Kankri glares over at Cronus, red in the face.

 “You were busy, I was just talkin’ y’know?” He says with an apologetic smile. Karkat serves up the plates and brings one over for you and him. He gets up into the chair next to yours.

 “Fuck yeah, pancakes.” You say, smile on your face and excitedly wiggling.

 “Yes, of course,” Kankri’s glare softens somewhat. “What else was said?”

 “Bet you he told Dave all your dirty secrets, like the ones you hid from me.” Karkat sneers.

 “I do not have any secrets.” Kankri tells him with a look. Karkat rolls his eyes and cuts away at his pancakes. You prefer to rip them into small bite sized bits and dunk them into your syrup. Sure it’s generally messier, but it’s way more fun.

 “Actually, I was giving Dave with some help on his romance problems.” Cronus says. _He did not just fucking do that._ Karkat looks over at you with a confused look on his face.

 “Wow. Would you look at these pancakes? They are so fluffy. Holy shit man. I need syrup, is it in the fridge?” You laugh nervously and try to avoid the topic.

 “I can get it for you?” Karkat asks climbing off his seat.

 “Nah man, I can get it.” You say, launching yourself to your feet before he can.

 “Oh please Cronus, _you_ are the last person who should be giving romantic advice.” Kankri says, rolling his eyes.

 “Eh, I don’t know, seems like it was kind of a ‘in the family’ thing.” He shrugs. You are going to murder this man. _Dear lord could he make it anymore obvious?_ Karkat and Kankri both look over at you and you avoid their gaze. You go to hunt down the syrup and open the fridge, jumping away and peeking in. _Do you even keep syrup in the fridge?_

 “Dave it’s in our cabinet.” Karkat tells you with a concerned tone.

 “I knew that.” You scoff and shuffle over that way instead. Kankri is talking to Cronus about something and making the two of them plates of food as well. You can still feel Karkat’s eyes on your back and Kankri’s small glances your way. You decide to diffuse the situation by taking it and pushing it somewhere else. You grab the syrup and clear your throat.

 “So, what’s the deal about the ‘rival gangs’ thing?” You ask. Cronus makes some sort of wheezy distressed sound and Kankri freezes up.  When you turn around to face them you see Karkat could practically kill with the look alone. Cronus looks over at you with a pleading look and you casually walk back to the table. _Your turn to suffer bitch._

 “R-Rival gangs?” Kankri finally looks over at you before turning and glaring softly at Cronus.

 “Okay well technically he said opposite, but I know that means ‘rival’. Generally. Or at least that’s what it sounds like from Bro’s ‘friends’.” You start ripping your small stack of pancakes into pieces.

 “Well yes,” Kankri clears his throat. “But sometimes it just means that they just aren’t good enough friends.” Cronus stares up at the ceiling and you can hear Karkat on the verge of hyperventilating. This seems to be a very awkward situation and you shouldn’t push the issue.

 “If you don’t want to talk about it it’s okay. I don’t want to push any buttons.” You finish tearing up one pancake and move onto the next.

 “What exactly was he telling you?” Kankri asks. Cronus gives him a nervous smile.

 “Something about the west and south, so jack shit really.” You shrug.

 “South?!” Kankri looks disgusted and gives Cronus a dirty look. Karkat stabs at one of his pancakes and mumbles under his breath.

 “Excuse you! I was _not_ part of that filthy gang! Those were a bunch of idiots! I am surprised that none of them ever got caught!” Kankri says to Cronus in such an offended tone. Karkat snickers lightly and you finish off tearing your second pancake to shreds.

 “I was no part of their ‘organization’.” Kankri huffs.

 “Hey, I was trying to keep it a bit of a secret on your end.” Cronus tries to defend himself.

 “You could have placed me in something more respectable.” Kankri crosses his arms.

 “So if you weren’t south, what cardinal direction were you? Or were you a color?” You ask, pouring some syrup off to the side of your torn pancake tower.

 “ _I_ was part of nothing. _I_ was simply a messenger.” He tells you.

 “That’s one thing to call us.” Karkat mumbles quietly and stuffing a piece of his pancake into his mouth.

 “And this inconsiderate prick loved to mess with me when I tried to deliver my things.” Kankri gestures over to Cronus.

 “I was bein’ friendly and makin’ sure you got around okay. Like a bodyguard.” He complains.

 “So you were like Karkat?” You ask Kankri. Karkat stiffens up next to you and Kankri hesitates.

 “I was doing similar jobs.” He says slowly. Cronus chews his lip and says nothing. Before you could try to ask Karkat for clarification, he shoves his food into his mouth. _This is so tense and awkward._

 “Although, Cronus made my job very difficult. I was trying to hide the best I could but having a gang’s leader follow you around is not the best way to stay hidden.” Kankri continues with his story a moment later.

 “Wait, wait, you were the gang’s leader?” You look over at Cronus. You suppose you could see him being one, he somewhat gave that vibe off.

 “Yeah. It was alright.” He shrugs.

 “‘Alright’ oh please. You were treated like a prince. You had everything you wanted. All the women, drugs, sex, weapons. And yet,” Kankri smiles over at him, “You left it all behind. I’m very proud of you Cronus. You have been doing very well.” Kankri pats his shoulder softly. Cronus smiles up at him.

 “Gay.” You mumble quietly under your breath. From the look Kankri gives you though, it wasn’t as quiet as you thought it was.

 “Anyways, Cronus just made my job difficult. So much so, that I had to be sent to another gang’s territory because I was not making any sales.”

 “I still followed you from your place to the border and back.” Cronus hums.

 “I know. And you were very irritating. Always flirting and joking around. You almost got me in trouble each and every day. Until one day I decided to never go back, you were just a waste of my time.” Kankri roll his eyes.

 “That had been a cold and sad day. I didn’t get to see your beautiful face.”

 “Actually, I think you remember it as sad and cold because it had rained.” Kankri gives him an unimpressed look.

 “Oh shit, shot down.” You say, dunking your pancake bits into syrup and enjoying them.

 “Anyway after a few years, I was able to get out of that mess. I went to school, found a job, and made my way up to where I am now. A year or so after Karkat and I were living together, fate decided that it was going to screw me over and send me a package from the past.” Kankri says.

 “You loved it though.” Cronus says with a smile.

 “At first I did not. I honestly thought you were there to kill me.” He looks over at Cronus.

 “Well shit, that’s intense. ‘Hey honey I’m home’.” You make an explosion sound.

 “It happens Dave.” Karkat says.

 “You would be surprised how often it happens. It is only on rare occasions that people get out of gangs without paying a high price. I think that was what kept me and Karkat alive once we were out of that misery, we were never really part of any gang. We were just mules.” Kankri looks over at Karkat, who nods and makes sure his face is full to not have to speak. You nod in agreement.

 “Yeah, I’ve seen some unfortunate people on the wrong end turn up in our living room. Bro would just stitch ‘em back up and send them out on their way.”

 “Do you have anything to do with a gang Dave?” Kankri narrows his eyes at you. You can see the concerned look from Cronus too.

 “Nah. Bro just has friends in not so good places.” You say.

 “We all do.” Karkat agrees with you.

 “Yes, we do. Some are just stronger than others, some get the help they can find. That is more than okay.” Kankri smiles over at Cronus.

 “Yeah. Help is good.” He says.

 “Help is _very_ good.” You mumble.

 “So how exactly did Cronus end up with you again?” Karkat asks. Kankri chews his lip and Cronus responds for him.

 “I asked really nicely for a few years.”

 “To what god?”

 “Karkat.” Kankri gives him a look.

 “He had to get really good luck from somewhere. Or what, did he track you down?” Karkat asks irritably.

 “Karkat.” Kankri says in a much more stern voice. You are a horrible person and find this all to be entertaining. _Breakfast and a show._ Karkat crosses his arms, but otherwise says nothing.

 “He just needed some help.” Kankri says.

 “A lot of help.” Cronus corrects.

 “Same…” You whisper. You know the feeling well.

 “So you guys basically have your own hurt/comfort love story?” Karkat asks.

 “Not exactly. I didn’t let anything get to that because I knew that at the time what Cronus needed was help. A friend, not some romantic interest.” Kankri says. It makes you fidget slightly, especially after Karkat nods along in agreement.

 “It didn’t stop me from tryin’ though.” Cronus says. Kankri rolls his eyes.

 “Oh?” Karkat presses.

 “Well I’m here aren’t I?” He smiles.

 “Yes, even after trying for years.” Kankri sighs softly.

 “How many years exactly?” Karkat asks, getting more interested in their story. Kankri hums softly.

 “We met when we were fifteen, I left the year afterwards. Then we saw each other again when we were eighteen. So it was almost an entire year of useless flirting in the streets, a year of suffering, and then two more of even more flirting. Then another of winning over my heart.” Kankri smiles and gently nudges Cronus. You try to add it up, counting the years on your fingertips. Karkat beats you to the punch though.

 “That’s four years, plus one of you two dating. And not _once_ did I hear _shit_ about this prick.”

 “I was busy.” Kankri sighs softly.

 “Doing what?! Sucking his face!? You used to tell me everything!” Karkat yells at him. You swing your legs back and forth in your chair and finish off the last of your food.

 “I was very uncertain. I had a lot of doubts Karkat, you know how hard it’s been for me to find someone. I didn’t want to share anything if I was not sure.” Kankri says almost hurt. You feel Kankri is trying to come up with some excuse to try and calm Karkat down.

 “It has been a _YEAR!_ ” Karkat slams his hands down hard against the table. Kankri goes silent.  You watch as Karkat roughly shoves his chair away and runs to his room. Kankri must have really been hurt by those words since when you glance over at him he is looking over at Cronus, blinking away tears, and you want out of here.

 “I’m just going to go talk to him?” You say, quietly getting up from the table and making your way out of the kitchen. Cronus nods at you and turns his attention back to Kankri.

 “N-Nice meeting you.” You mumble. Kankri leans into Cronus, and you try to pretend you don’t hear the soft little sob. You watch as Cronus wraps his arms tightly around Kankri, shooshing and patting his back softly. You head off to Karkat’s room, giving the couple some privacy.

 “Hey. Where’d you go? Please tell me you didn’t go flying out your window.” You look around Karkat’s room, missing a specific goblin. You think you hear some sort of noise coming from the closet and you go and sit down by the door. You sit there in silence a bit, letting Karkat collect his thoughts. You bring your knees close to your chest and wait for him to say something. Minutes go by and you don’t think he really wants to talk right now. You chew your lip and try to think of something.

 “I used to be close to my brother too. Maybe he wouldn’t tell me everything, but he would tell me a lot.” You say, not knowing if Karkat was even listening. You just speak to fill the silence.

 “I would tell him pretty much everything. He used to help me when kids would give me a hard time in school. He’d help me torment them back. Hell, he made my whole second grade class afraid of puppets.” You smile slightly to yourself. _Lil’ Cal works wonders like that._ You hear a soft sniffle from the other side of the door.

 “Kankri has always been nice. A bit insufferable and only nice to people he hand picks, but nice to me at least. Not a lot of people have been nice to me in my lifetime Dave. I have very little people that I trust and…and I trusted him. I thought that maybe he could trust me back.” Karkat says with a broken voice. You think he’s probably crying just like his brother is.

 “Maybe he does trust you. Maybe he was just trying to figure out a way to tell you. Weird older brothers are over analytical about that shit.” You tap your head lightly against the wall.

 “Well he sure just made me feel like he didn’t. And then he just goes off spilling his guts to you. He doesn’t even know you…”

 “Did you ever just ask him?” That’s all you did really.

 “I asked him once, I think? He just told me that he didn’t like people like I did? I got a whole sermon about different sexualities. Sure it helped me kind of figure myself out but still. He made it sound like there wasn’t anyone special in his life as if he just wasn’t looking. Told me that I was the only person he was loving and caring for.” Karkat thumps something against the wall as well.

 “It kind of sounds like you’re jealous.” You snicker lightly. Karkat doesn’t make any kind of response and you take that as your cue to keep going.

 “But you gotta share him y’know? If that’s who makes him happy. I know how you feel though. Or at least something like it.” You hum.

 “How?” He asks in a small voice.

 “I was Bro’s ‘lil man’. We were all we had of our family. We may not have been the closest or the best, but we were good to each other. And then one day, bam, brings this lady home _three times_. That’s how I knew shit was going on. And eventually yeah, he did tell me.” You say.

 “He at least told you.” Karkat grumbles.

 “After a few months, yeah.”

 “It’s been a _year_.”

 “Well yeah, but I was a kid. Couple of months are like years to a kid.” You stare up at the doorknob.

 “But y’know that’s why I had said I had a similar idea of how you’re feeling.” You tell him. You can hear the soft sigh he makes in response.

 “I wonder what happened to her. That’s something he’s never told me y’know?” You try to come up with scenarios again, but you just don’t know. She was there one day and then gone the next. Bro never talked about her again, even when you asked.

 “I just don’t want him to hurt Kankri.” Karkat says.

 “I know.” You tell him.

 “What if he just leaves? Kankri already slept with him, what if he was just after that?”

 “He’s been trying for what five years? I doubt you invest that much time into someone and jump ship immediately, especially for just a quicky.” You at least wouldn’t that is. Five years is not worth just one quick fuck, and complete abandonment.

 “There could be someone on the side. Maybe Kankri’s ass is just a trophy.” He says.

 “Doubtful.”

 “Have you ever been cheated on Dave?” Karkat asks you quietly.

 “Technically speaking, not exactly?” You say.

 “It’s a horrible feeling. You feel, so important to someone, like you are this gift to them sometimes. And they tell you that’s how it is and you believe them. So you love them back, how you think you are being loved. You make room for them and trust them. You care about them and have this idea. This cute, perfect idea of what you _think_ you have with them.

 “Then one day a bomb drops. Then you realize that some friends had been giving you hints, that you had a suspicion on your own. That everything they had ever said to you was a lie. You were just some game, some piece of ass or just a shoulder to cry on. Anything they wanted you for really.

 “And then you never really know how long it had gone on for, when exactly it had started. Sometimes you don’t even know with whom, you just know that you weren’t worth it. Nothing they ever said you were. I don’t want that to happen to Kankri. He deserves so much. For the hell he went through and because of all those people he helped. He doesn’t need that crap.” Karkat spills his guts to you. You can tell he’s talking from experience just from the wording.

 “No one does.” You mumble. He sniffles softly and you turn to lean against the door, tracing designs onto the wood.

 “…Can I come in? If not that’s okay.” You ask.

 “…Not right now. I’m gross.” He replies.

 “I doubt it but alright. I’ll respect that.” You chuckle slightly, leaning back away from the door.

 “Cronus seems nice but so did S—” Karkat cuts himself off.

 “Who?”

 “Someone.”

 “Your ex?” You ask.

 “Yeah.” He says with a long sigh. You hum.

 “I was pretty blind about it, almost as much as Terezi. And I just don’t want that to be Kankri.”

 “At least Rose had been upfront about everything.” You muse.

 “Rose?” Karkat asks.

 “Yeah. I had dated her back in middle school. Sorta.” You tell him. He makes no response and you wonder what kind of face he’d be giving you right now.

 “We were just looking out for each other. Making it seem like my gay thing was ‘just a phase’ and she was completely hetero with me. It was so fucking awkward and a bit frustrating.” You hear him laugh and find a smile spread out across your own face. It makes you happy for stupid reasons.

 “We broke up because she liked Kanaya.”

 “I can’t blame her, Kanaya is pretty awesome.” Karkat says.

 “Kanaya’s a boss ass bitch.” You agree. Karkat laughs again and you hum softly to yourself.

 “Then the whole thing with John was a horrible mess.”

 “John?” Karkat hesitantly asks.

 “Yeah. My three-day boyfriend? That was John.” You don’t think you told him that it had been John specifically but now he knows for sure. Karkat remains silent.

 “Things have been awkward since but maybe we can actually put it behind us instead of fighting about it every time we see each other.” You lean back and stretch your legs out. Karkat still doesn’t respond, you wonder why.

 “Thankfully my heart went on. It recovered and y’know, I don’t like him like that anymore.” You roll your shoulders back a couple of times. After a few minutes you finally hear Karkat talk again.

 “Do you think Cronus will take good care of Kankri?”

 “I think so. They had one intense hug after you left. There was shooshing and papping.” You tell him.

 “A hug sounds nice.” He says quietly.

 “…Do you want me to come in there and give you one?” You ask.

 “Yeah.” He says with a shaky voice.

 “A’ight,” You say, getting up onto your feet. “I’m coming in now okay?” You wait for a response. For a moment you think that maybe he’s changed his mind, but the door creaks opens a bit. You slip inside, only opening the door as much as you need it before pulling it shut behind you.

 “Hey.” You say. Karkat sniffs again and brings his arms around you. You bring yours around him securely.

 “Shh.” He clings to you like he’s going to cry again, and you rock him from side to side gently. You pretend you don’t feel the light wet drops of his tears as you run a hand along your back.

 “Just let it out bro. It’s better for you.” You give him small pats on the back.

 “Tell that to yourself next time you are trying to hold it in Dave.” Karkat laughs softly and hugs you tight.

 “Yeah I promise. Next time I cry, I’ll cry for reals. No holding back. Just release the floodgates.” You tell him.

 “Hopefully it’s out of joy.”

 “Maybe.” You hum and run your fingers through his hair. Karkat leans into your chest and you press a small kiss into the fluff he calls hair. You hum a song softly and you feel him relax into your arms. You gently try to massage along his shoulder blades when he tenses up and leans away from you.

 “I-I should go apologize to Kankri.” He says. You think maybe you accidently crossed a line and you let him go.

 “Sorry.” You apologize.

 “It’s alright. Thanks.” Karkat says shaking his head. You nod. You hear a soft knock on the closet door.

 “Karkat, we need to talk.” Kankri says from the other side. Karkat pushes the door open for him and looks over at him.

 “You were right, I could have told you something.” Kankri says as Karkat walks out. You opt to wait in the closet. Karkat shakes his head.

 “It’s okay.”

 “But you sa—”

 “Kankri you’ve told me your life story. I think it’s fair. You needed to be comfortable with him before you were comfortable with telling me.” Karkat says with a soft smile.

 “Well. Yes. That…that was exactly what I needed.”

 “Are you comfortable?” Karkat asks him. Kankri nods.

 “And extremely happy.”

 “Sex was that good huh?” Karkat teases. Kankri glances up over at you and turns red in the face.

 “Karkat.” He warns. Karkat laughs. You look around in the closet, now able to see its contents. You make note of an out of place ram doll, and decide you will ask Karkat about it later.

 “If you really want to we can talk once um…” Karkat looks over at you. You get the message loud and clear.

 “Yeah, yeah, I hear you.” You say, getting ready to leave.

 “But first I need to have a word with you.” Kankri says, crossing his arms and giving you a stern look. You get the feeling you are about to be lectured and already begin the process of tuning him out.

 “You were using some improper language earlier today. You used a term that will not be used as a negative in this household Mr. Strider.” Kankri says.

 “What? Was it ‘shit’? Are you like a no cussing apartment? Fuck I’m sorry.” You are being a facetious prick but Kankri doesn’t seem to pick up on it. Truth be told you have no idea what he’s talking about.

 “Oh wow.” Karkat rolls his eyes at your sarcasm.

 “No. That was not the word but since you ask, I will let you know what kind of language is allowed around this home.” Kankri says, turning and heading out towards the living room. Karkat gives you an apologetic look and takes your hand in his.

 “Sorry, but you’ll have to stay here for an extra hour or two.” He says.

 “It s’kay but look,” You say, stepping out. “I’m out of the closet.” Karkat rolls his eyes at you and you laugh.

 “Of course you are.” He says and shoves you back in, locking the door from the outside.

 “Oh come on!” You call out.

 “I’ll let Kankri know that you had to go to the bathroom. He’s going to think that you clogged something up. Later Dave.” Karkat says, footsteps getting softer. You smile and shake your head. You guess there are worse places you could be locked up in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	16. Jingle Jangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Cursing  
> -Spanish and Spanish slang  
> -Christmas and Christmas Shopping  
> -Santa  
> -Mentions of Religion  
> -Sollux Captor  
> -Bullying

            Midterms passed with minor pain, you hadn’t gotten any A’s but hey you got mostly B’s. Plus one C, but whatever, it’s still the best midterm grades you’ve had in a while. You have a strong feeling that Karkat did better than you, but he doesn’t tell you if he did or not. Maybe he’s trying to spare you or just doesn’t feel like sharing even though you practically busted his door down to show him yours.

            The two of you are now on winter break, and even though you have spent more time at home you haven’t seen Bro for more than a handful of hours. Christmas was never really a big thing in the Strider home, considering your birthdays were earlier in the month. Karkat did convince you to go Christmas shopping with him today though, and you do have a bit saved up.

            You tap your knuckles against his front door and walk in. You stand in the doorway, awestruck at the huge tree that Karkat and Kankri somehow managed to get in here. It’s a tree though. A huge tree. _Holy shit it’s a tree._ It’s a tree for Christmas. You haven’t seen a Christmas tree since you were a tiny babe and Bro bitched about the needles it was dropping.

            Kankri ushers you in and returns to the tree, surrounded by three large boxes. You peek into the boxes and find them filled with Christmas stuff. One seems to be of religious items, not that you know a whole lot about which goes with what. You think you see one of those three smart fellows, _wise guys? Wise men??_ The box next to it is full of lights and tinsel as well as smaller boxes, which had held the ornaments currently on the tree. The last box was just a free-for-all of Christmas items.

            Kankri is carefully checking on the tree itself when Karkat comes into the living room from the small back closet, smaller box in tow. You aren’t too sure what’s in that one but you are already thrumming with excitement just being surrounded by Christmas decorations and the tree. The fucking tree. Karkat looks up at you, a bit startled at your presence or maybe it’s the way you a practically vibrating in place.

 “Are you feeling alright?” He asks you.

 “Fuck yeah I am, this is like so much Christmas shit. Holy hell, like, how even?” You look over at him. He shrugs and hands over the box in his arms.

 “I guess. We don’t even celebrate Christmas. Here, you can put the star up and help Kankri. I’m going to go get my sweater.”

 “The star? Like serious?” You look down at the box and back up to him.

 “Sure, go ahead.” He heads off to his room. You look over at Kankri.

 “The star?”

 “Yes, the star. It should be in that box you’re holding.” Kankri says, polishing one of the light bulbs.

 “I can put it up?” You are bouncing lightly, _holy shit this is just so cool_.

 “Of course, just please be careful.” Kankri smiles and points over to the small step stool. You are making some sort of excited noise and grab the stool, dragging it over to the tree. You carefully pull the star out of the box and climb up the steps.

 “Fuck yeah, star.” You say with a big smile. You set the star on the top, passing Kankri the cord for it. He hums a holiday song, and plugs it in. Karkat comes out, bundled up in who knows how many sweaters.

 “Alright, ready?” He asks. You hop off the small ladder.

 “Dude look. I put the star up.” You point at the star.

 “Yes. You did. Nice job.” Karkat says, patting your shoulder twice in a condescending manner. Kankri shakes his head but doesn’t say anything.

 “Dude you don’t understand. Like. I haven’t been near a Christmas tree since I was like five. Okay? This is a pretty big deal for me.” You tell him.

 “Then I guess you’ll have to be over the Christmases that follow,” He nudges your side with his elbow. “Now let’s go, I’m melting.” He tugs at one of the sweaters necks.

 “How many sweaters are you wearing?” You ask, shoving your hands into your pockets.

 “Mmm. Three? I should get another one. It’s cold.” He shuffles back to his room.

 “It’s not that cold.” You tell him, following behind.

 “It’s not for me.” He tells you, digging around in his closet. He crawls back out, prize in hand.

 “Here, you are no fun when sick.” Karkat tells you stuffing the sweater into your unwilling arms.

 “I’m not going to get sick.” You complain.

 “I know you won’t, because you’ll wear this. Now put it on and let’s go.” He says, making his way out. You groan and tie it around your waist, following him out. Karkat passes Kankri on his way out.

 “I’m going out.” He tells Kankri.

 “Be home in time for dinner.” Kankri tells him.

 “Mmm maybe.”

 “Karkat.” Kankri warns, setting the lights down.

 “I will, I will!” Karkat groans and walks outside. You give Kankri a small wave and close the door behind you. You turn around and are met with Karkat’s glare.

 “Put. That. On.”

 “It is on.” You groan. Karkat unties it from your hips and starts trying to stuff you inside it.

 “Wait, no, stop. I’ll put it on when I’m cold. Calm your tits.” You complain as he finally tugs the neck of the sweater over your head. He moves on, walking to the elevator. You grumble unhappily and make a plan to take it off the moment you can.

            Karkat goes into a full-blown lecture about getting sick this time of year as the two of you wait for the bus. You roll your eyes and groan through most of it, checking your phone for both the time and bus schedule.

 “I get it, chill.” You tell him.

 “Just keep the damn sweater on.” Karkat puffs out his cheeks.

 “It’s sweaty and gross. I don’t want to.” You pout. Karkat chooses to ignore you and starts jabbing his thumbs into his phone’s keyboard. When the bus shows up you board, paying the driver for both your and Karkat’s ticket. He grumbles when you do but you just tell him that maybe he can pay for both of you on the way back. He sighs and takes a seat and you cling to the overhead rail. Karkat continues to text whoever, most likely Gamzee, and watch the people milling about outside as you drive past.

            You check out the route map at a red light, you have a couple more stops to get through before you reach yours. It’s not that big of a deal, you return to your spot and glance down at Karkat. He’s keeping his hands moving even when he’s done texting. _He needs gloves obviously._ You smile slightly to yourself.

            You glance around at the small advertisements and safety warnings on the bus, eventually catching the eye of a lady sitting across from you. You give her a polite nod and go back to looking out the window past her. Karkat sighs and types out another response, _you really don’t like how that woman is staring at you._ You subtly try to make sure there isn’t something on your face or shirt, casually make sure your fly is zipped too. She’s giving you the creeper vibes and you are so thankful that the stop is soon.

            The bus pulls to a stop just outside the side entrance of the mall. Karkat quickly hops up and you hurry after him, leaving staring lady behind. He keeps his hands moving, as the two of you enter the mall.

 “So where do you want to go first?” You ask.

 “Is there anything you have in mind?” Karkat says, moving his phone to one hand, clenching and unclenching his fist with the other.

 “Dude you’re going to get carpel tunnel,” You watch his hands go. “Are your hands cold?”

 “No. They’re fine.” He grumbles, stuffing his phone into his pocket and bringing his hands closer to his body. You roll your eyes and offer him your hand. Karkat stares blankly at it.

 “I can keep at least one of them warm.” You tell him. He raises a questioning brow, trying to figure you out.

 “I mean you have me stuffed in a damn sweater.” You decide to use as your reasoning. He reaches out and takes your hand. You smile softly and hold his hand, hoping it’s getting warmer like this.

 “Oh.” He says softly, tucking his face down into the neck of his sweater. He pulls out his phone and sends out another message. Out of curiosity you peek over at his screen when he gets his response.

 “ ** _sHaLaLaLaLa My Oh My YoU gOtTa KiSs ThE bOy~_**.” You snicker quietly as Karkat sends him a ‘goodbye’ and quickly jams his phone back into his pocket. He glares, light blush over his face, at the store fronts. You have no clue what his conversation had been about but you kind of like how it sounded.

 “So.” You say with a small smile. He glances over at you, not pulling his face up from his sweater’s neck

 “Anything in particular that you need?” You ask him. He pulls his face up and out of his sweater.

 “I’m shopping for Kankri, Kanaya, and Gamzee. Think maybe I should get something small for Cronus? He’s coming over.”

 “He is?” You hadn’t known. Karkat nods in response.

 “Kankri said that his family wasn’t too happy about finding out about him and some other guy, so they sort of disowned him.” He shrugs.

“That’s…that’s fucking harsh.” You say.

 “It’s not like they threw him out or anything, he has his own place. But like, they sort of don’t want him near the older generations I guess? I don’t know. Kankri just told me that he ‘would be joining us in the celebration’.” Karkat mimics his brother’s voice.

 “That’s cool I guess. Do you want to get him something? Like, would your bro throw a bit of a fit if you didn’t get Cronus something?” You ask.

 “I don’t think Kankri would care but like, I’d feel bad if I didn’t get anything under the tree of a house I was invited to. And well, Kankri is probably getting him something, but I thought it’d be nice to have something else from Santa.” He hums. You nod and give his hand a small squeeze. Karkat ducks his head down slightly, but you catch the small smile he’s trying to hide.

 “I thought I’d get Kanaya a scarf I saw her staring at the other day around one of these stores. Kankri needs new socks and batteries plus I want to get him this DVD I saw. Gamzee I think I might just get him a huge coloring book again, maybe with some scented markers.” He swings your hands gently.

 “Hope he doesn’t huff the markers.” You laugh softly.

 “Nah, he knows better now.”

 “But he _used_ to. God I bet he was a paste eater.”

 “He actually preferred play-doh.” Karkat says, leading you to a clothing store. You make a face.

 “Ew no. Why? Holy shit.”

 “Fine. You can wait out here. Just give me back my hand.” He glares over at you.

 “No, no. I meant the play-doh.” You say, giving his hand another squeeze. Karkat starts laughing softly to himself.

 “What?” You ask him. He just shakes his head as his laughter slowly gets a bit louder.

 “It’s nothing. Sorry.”

 “No, tell me. Why are you laughing?” You pout.

 “I just thought the lady mannequins were too much for you to handle.” He says, wiping at his eyes and trying to rein the laughter back in.

 “Oh you got me. Those plastic titties, I can’t.” You look over at the nearest mannequin and swoon away from her. Karkat shakes his head, biting down on his lip to stop his smile. One that you return.

            He leads you around inside and you follow by his side, swinging your hands. He leads you to some back corner and digs around behind all the random purses on the shelf. You look around and try to think of what you can get Bro for Christmas. Karkat pulls out a scarf from the purse pile, giving it a good look over before leading you through the store again. He stops to go look at socks and you glance around when you see something fucking _perfect_ for Bro.

            You let go of Karkat’s hand and make your way over to it, going through the sizes and trying to find one that you think would fit Bro the best. Knowing your luck, you’ll need different sizes for the top and bottoms. You hear Karkat call out for you and you politely call back where you are.

 “ _Really?_ ” He asks as he approaches you.

 “Shh. Help me find one that will fit a 6 foot 4 inch, well-defined muscled man.” You say pulling one of them off and comparing it to your own body. You have to admit, a sexy Santa outfit does not look good on you, and probably will look ridiculous on Bro, but it’ll be ironic as _fuck_ to give to him.

 “What the fuck?” Karkat looks at the skimpy lingerie you have in your hand.

 “It’s for Bro.”

 “Oh my god. I have no idea what kind of sick relationship you two have formed since you were puked out of the womb, but Dave no.” He says with concern.

 “No dude, it’s for the irony.” You say laughing. Karkat rolls his eyes.

 “For irony. Ah yes. The irony. Dave I’m going to punch a baby, but don’t worry it’s for the irony. Dave I am going to light this store on fire, but it’s okay it’s for the irony. I will suck your dick this instant but nah it’s okay, it’s for the irony bro. The irony Dave.”

 “No man like, Bro legit calls himself a ‘Sexy Santa’ so it’s like perfect for him.” You tell him, taking the bottoms off of one set and replacing it with the one from your hand. He groans and his head goes straight into his hand.

 “You do whatever the fuck it is you want. Good luck getting it paid for without letting the cashier look you in the shades. I’m going to buy this and be in the electronic store next door.” He says, turning on his heel and walking away.

 “Dude, just wait up.” You quickly jog after him and follow him back to the front of the store. Karkat won’t look at you as he places his items near the cashier. You slap that plastic divider down and casually set your gift on the belt. Just to give the cashier a little bit of humor, you set one of those lollipops down on top of it.

            Karkat quickly pays and stands off to the side as you look at the cashier. Once the man regards you with a confused look you give him a little nod and eyebrow wiggle. It leaves the poor man a bit flustered and he quickly rings you up. You hear Karkat groan and walk off. You are quick to pay the man and take your items.

            You catch up to him but he won’t look at you. It doesn’t bother you too badly, and you dig past the garment to get your candy. You unwrap the thing, crumpling the wrapper up in your pocket.

 “What?” You finally ask.

 “Nothing.” Is Karkat’s short response.

 “Sure.” You tease, popping the sucker into your mouth. You catch his glance at your free hand and you offer it to him again. He tucks his face away again and sticks his own hand out for you to grab. You smile and lace his fingers with yours. You hear the very soft pleased squeal and see the slight wiggle he does, but you decide not to mention it. You offer him some of the lollipop you have been sucking on and he shakes his head. You shrug and go back to enjoying it.

            You walk hand in hand into the electronics department. Karkat is searching for batteries and you poke around for something that Bro would actually like. Not that he won’t like the stupid Santa outfit you got him, but you want to give him something a bit less ironic. Karkat still clings to your hand and follows you around this time once he has his batteries.

            You look at one of the boxes on the store floor. You aren’t too sure what it is, but it looks pretty cool and needs plenty of assembly. You pick it up and examine the box more closely, checking out what it needs and such. Karkat laughs softly when you tuck it under your arm and claim it as yours.

 “What?” You ask him.

 “Nothing.” He says while shaking his head.

 “What?” You press again.

 “Oh no, nothing.” He smiles.

 “Come on, you got to tell me now.” You wiggle his arm slightly.

 “No.” Karkat says, squeezing your hand gently.

 “Tell me.” You whine. He shakes his head again.

 “No, it’s nothing.”

 “It was something. It made you smile and giggle. So?” You look over your shades at him.

 “So?” He puffs out his cheeks to cut his smile down.

 “Sooo it’s something.”

 “It’s nothing.” Karkat reaffirms. You roll your eyes and drop it for now. Karkat hums and glances at the box on your hip and then away. You wonder what his deal was. He rubs his thumb against your knuckles as you two wander about. You figure you should get presents for your other friends too.

            You pick up a controller for Jade, she uses them up hardcore and most of the ones she still has that are “working” are on their last legs of their controller lives. Karkat plays with your fingers, something you find brings a smile to your face. You balance the controller on top of your box and squeeze his hand back. He shakes his head and laughs softly.

 “What? What is so funny?” You ask.

 “Nothing, let’s just get going.” He says.

 “Tell me.” You puff your cheeks out and follow behind him.

 “Just forget about it Dave.” He dismisses you. You keep trying to figure out what it is while he continues to play with your fingertips. You don’t mind the feeling all that much, it’s rather pleasant. You grab some lame ass game that you recall John spazzing about. Karkat gives you a horrified look and tries to take it away from you.

 “Oh nu-uh. This piece of shit got horrible reviews. I am not letting you do this to yourself.”

 “Trust me I know. It’s fucking painful to look at, that’s why it’s not for me.” You say trying to grab at it. Karkat attempts to hide it behind his back.

 “Dude. It’s for John and his lame as fuck taste in shitty games.” You make another pass at it. Karkat snickers and keeps it just out of your slightly limited reach.

 “Oh wow. You are a horrible friend. You are definitely getting some coal this year Dave. Tell me, how long have you been on the naughty list?” He teases.

 “As long as I need to be.” You say with a wiggle of your brows.

 “Oh really,” He asks with a soft smirk. “I’m getting the feeling that you are there because you want to be.”

 “What can I say, I’m just a ‘bad boy’ in need for punishment via coal.” You shrug. His smirk breaks into a full smile as he snorts softly. Your own lips twitch into a smile of their own accord and you laugh along with him. Karkat tries to stifle his laugh behind his hand and you just get louder with how hard he’s snorting and snickering.

 “We-We’re going to get kicked out.” He says in between the giggles. You pull the lollipop stick out of your mouth before you choke on the damn thing. He takes your free hand and covers your own mouth with it. You take this as an opportunity to lace your fingers back with his and kiss his knuckles. _God he’s just so fucking cute when he blushes._ You smile at him and run your thumb over his fingers. He chews on his lip and shifts closer to you. After your last almost kiss, you aren’t sure if he means it this time but damn it, you are going to lean down in for it. In fact you think you get a bit closer than last time.

 “KK?” Someone calls. _Of fucking course,_ you want to groan but don’t. Karkat whips around, immediately dropping your hand and looking for who called him. You glare over at the guy who interrupted your kiss.

 “Hey.” _Oh my fucking god it’s that 3D yellow assbutt from Chemistry class._

 “Hey.” Karkat says tensely. Mister fucking bumblebee looks at the game you and Karkat had been previously fighting for.

 “Is that a copy of—?” He starts to ask.

 “No! I uh was just showing Dave how dumb this was!” Karkat violently chucks the game onto the floor away from the three of you. You whine and go over to kneel down and pick it back up.

 “I already told you it’s for John.” You mumble mostly to yourself. The box is fine surprisingly.

 “So are you here just for presents?” Lisping boy wonder asks.

 “Y-Yeah, I was trying to find Kankri something.” Karkat says, crossing his arms in front of him.

 “I know last time he had been complaining about his mouse.”

 “Sollux that was months ago, hell it was almost a whole year back.” Karkat shifts away from him, putting more space in-between them.

 “Yeah I know. Back when we –” _God he probably can’t even say his own damn name right. Who names their kid ‘Sollux’ when they have a lisp?_

 “Yeah.” Karkat cuts him off with a soft glare. You come up to Karkat’s side, totally not digging the feeling you’re getting from them. Sollux gives you a look before you see the click of recognition on his face.

 “Dude even with your Space Jam Slam goin’ on you didn’t wreck it,” You show Karkat the undamaged box. “I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

 “Dave, why don’t we go pay?” Karkat says, turning slightly to face you.

 “Is he with you?” Sollux gives Karkat a look, one you don’t like.

 “Maybe.” Is his strained reply.

 “Well I _am_ standing right here next to him. I suppose you could _say_ I’m with him.” You move slightly in front of Karkat. Maybe you are just being ridiculous and overprotective of your goblin friend. You decide to blame hormones for now.

 “I meant as in _together_ together.”

 “Wow.” Karkat deadpans.

 “What?” Sollux asks him.

 “What the fuck do you care?”

 “I’m just curious, we haven’t talked in awhile. A lot can happen.”

 “It’s really none of your damn business.” Karkat spits out at him.

 “Wow KK, no need to get defensive about it.” He says in mock innocence.

 “Oh I’m sorry. _I_ never knew when you were with someone. What? Are you worried he’s been here on the side _all along?_ ” Karkat snaps back. Sollux goes to say something when you cut him off.

 “Hey, hey, hey. I’m ‘A’, he’s ‘B’, _‘C’_ your way out.” You shoo him off with a wave of your hand. He glares over at you and Karkat groans and brings his hand to his face.

 “Can’t we talk?” He asks Karkat softly. You can tell that this whole mess is stressing the shit out of Karkat.

 “Dude, did you not get it? Is it ‘cause I didn’t use a two or a stupid bee pun?” You stand more firmly in-between them.

 “Dave.” Karkat says in a warning tone. Sollux’s glare at you increases _two-fold._

 “ _Two bee_ , or not _two bee_. It’s not a question.” You say. Sollux takes a step towards you and you straighten up. _You’ll punch the bee, you don’t give a fuck._ Karkat places a hand against his chest and Sollux looks down at it. You can’t help but give him a little smirk at your small victory.

 “Dave, go pay for your game.” Karkat says.

 “A’ight. Call me if I need _two_ cut a _bee_ tch.” You say. Sollux goes to push Karkat away and take a swing at you but Karkat clamps his hand around his arm and pulls him down the aisle. You laugh obnoxiously loud just for Sollux to hear you. You move to the line and do your best to keep them in sight.

            You watch as Karkat angrily gestures to Sollux, constantly cutting him off. You hurry and practically throw your correct change at the cashier and wander near the two of them. Karkat turns to leave and Sollux grabs his arm, tugging him back. Karkat shoves him away.

 “Don’t you fucking touch me! Don’t you ever fucking dare touch me again!” Karkat practically yells in a loud warning tone. Sollux puts his hands up and glares softly at him. You are by Karkat’s side in an instant afterward. You give Sol _cocks_ your own glare over your shades and watch as he eventually gets the hint and starts leaving. Karkat is breathing all kinds of funky and you nudge his side gently.

 “Hey.” You try to get his attention.

 “Not now.” He grunts and goes to leave the store. You sigh softly and follow right behind him.

 “I need to use the restroom. I’ll meet you at the toy store.” Karkat says and all but rushes away in that direction.

 “Yeah…” You agree to the air where he had been. You toss out the dumb lollipop stick and hang near the bathrooms for a bit. You want to offer some form of help, but you think it’s best to leave Karkat alone for right now. You could totally use this time to get him a present. Not that you have any idea of what you could get him.

            You go through the toy store anyway, looking at the items and are at a loss of what to get. You wander through the stores nearby for any hints. All you get is a big fat goose egg though. You pull out your phone and for some reason send John, of all people, for an opinion on what to get.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]\--

TG: yo john i need your help getting karkat a present

EB: you what?

TG: im getting something for karkat

TG: help me

EB: ummmmmmmm

EB: a dick in a box?

TG: john im serious

EB: okay, okay.

EB: mmm…

EB: maybe ask rose to ask kanaya?

EB: sorry, i dont know what he likes besides you

EB: for some reason

TG: ugh you are no help

EB: im sorry!

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]\--

            That went about as well as you thought it would really. You have no clue what you had been expecting from him. However, he did make at least one decent suggestion, ask Rose who has connections with a tight friend of Karkat’s.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \-- 

TG: rose help me

TT: Just be sure to use enough lube Dave.

TT: And that you have their full consent.

TT: When in doubt, pinky out.

TG: what

TG: rose no

TG: omf

TG: rose you nasty

TG: this is a very serious matter

TT: Alright then, I’ll close the fanfiction tab.

TT: What do you need Dave?

TG: thank you

TG: now then

TG: what the fuck do i get karkat for xmas

TT: Have you considered a dick in a box?

TT: Specifically, your dick in a box?

TG: omfg

TG: did you talk to john

TT: Yes.

TG: fuck john

TG: i need help

TT: He told me what you were looking for.

TG: then have you asked your gf

TT: Kanaya suggested a romantic comedy.

TT: A “Now That’s What I Call Romance” CD.

TT: She says to stick to 80s soundtracks as he finds them to be a bit more original and romantic.

TT: Kanaya also suggested a new backpack, preferably in a dark tone.

 

            You head off towards a general store that probably carries at least some of those things.

 

TG: aight cool

TG: also

TG: does she know anything about a ram doll

TT: A ram doll?

TG: it was in his closet

TG: looked well loved

TT: She says that she has no idea of what you might be talking about.

TT: GA: Karkat Did Not Keep Anything When He Moved In With His Brother, So I Doubt He Has Any Toys.

TT: GA: If Anything He Might Have A Small Crab Plush Toy From Sollux And A Teddy Bear In A Bee Costume.

           

            You go up and down the aisles and find a shitty rom-com. You snap a picture of it and send it over.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] sent tentacleTherapist [TT] the file “IMG_2463.JPG” --

TG: he have this one

TG: btw

TG: whats the deal with him and solcocks

TT: I am not sure.

TT: Kanaya says that it is none of your business, however.

TG: okay

TG: tell her to chill her tits

TG: i was just asking

TT: I am sorry Dave.

TT: Karkat is a very delicate topic for her.

TT: I don’t know much about him, but I do know that they are very close.

TT: And that Karkat has been a good friend.

TG: yeah ive noticed

TT: I think it is very interesting.

TG: if you say so

TG: so does he have this one or nah

TT: We are not sure.

TT: My suggestion is to get the latest one.

TG: groan

TG: yeah

TG: fine

TG: later

TT: Good luck.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \-- 

             You go ahead and take the one in your hand, quickly paying for it and stuffing it into the bag with Bro’s sexy Santa suit. You make your way back over to the toy store where you promised to meet up with Karkat. It takes you a bit of going up and down along the aisles before you spot him. You quietly slide up behind him and check out what he’s got in his hands.

            Karkat’s clutching onto a coloring book, flipping through the pages and checking it over. You glance up at his face. His eyes are still a bit red and puffy, whatever happened you hope is over now and that he’s okay. You hum softly and he turns around to face you.

 “Hey.” Karkat mumbles.

 “Hey.” You parrot back.

 “I’m going to guess that you either went for more lingerie or spotted some fine ass and went off to talk to it.” He says, walking further into the arts and crafts section.

 “Nah, I was a good noodle and got your gift.” You snicker.

 “If it has straps and is see-through, I am shoving it down your throat. Just be warned.” He gives you a soft glare.

 “Oh really? And here I thought I had finally nailed it.” You say with heavy sarcasm. Karkat rolls his eyes and scoffs.

 “I bet Cronus is getting my brother something similar.” You make a face with him.

 “Ew. No. No.” You say, shaking your head.

 “Look who’s talking! You got _your_ _brother_ one!” Karkat makes another face of disgust and your shrug in response.

 “He won’t actually wear it, and if he does it’ll stay in his room…I hope.”

 “You _hope_. Well we can _all_ hope Dave. But life loves to fuck us over. Knowing your luck he’s going to wear it when all of his clothes are dirty, and he has to wear that to the Laundromat.”

 “Shhh, don’t jinx it man. No. Stop. Oh fuck he totally would.” You groan.

 “You can still save yourself Dave. Get him something else, hell get him a kid’s toy. Maybe you can joke about how you got him an ‘adult’ toy when really it’s just fucking Jenga.” He says, stopping in front of a mountain of plush toys.

 “Jenga is banned from my place. It was standing on one brick at the bottom, and he fucking ‘swiper no swiping’ that shit. That single brick. The tower didn’t even fall. It was just so un-fucking-fair.” You complain as he digs around. Karkat rolls his eyes and pulls a goose out from the fluffy depths. You wonder whom it’s for as he squishes it between him and the coloring book.

 “Besides, I already got him something else.” You tell him.

 “Oh?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Twister?” Karkat asks.

 “Ew. No. Also has been banned from the apartment, but for completely different reasons.” Twister has never been the same since for you.

 “I don’t even want to know.” He gives you a look. You nod in agreement. He starts heading back towards the front of the store again. You are sidetracked by a discarded hat on one of the shelves and head over to it. You pick it up and laugh.

 “Hey Karkat! Check it.” You pull it on over your head. Karkat turns around to look at you.

 “Why the hell would they have that in a kid’s toy store?” He asks. You shrug. It is one of those silly novelty hats, with a small stick and ‘mistletoe’ sewn onto the end.

 “Fuck if I know.” You say. You stand closer to him, making sure he’s under the stupid leaf. Karkat looks up and turns a bit red.

 “Oops. Now we’re both standing under it. I think we got to follow the laws of Christmas spirit.” You say.

 “The laws of Christmas? And what would those be Dave?” He says, crossing his arms slightly.

 “You got to peck my face bro.” You say.

 “No I don’t.” He says with a smirk.

 “Yeah huh. It’s mistletoe man.”

 “That’s not mistletoe.” Karkat shakes his head.

 “Dude it’s the thought.” You roll your eyes.

 “I don’t think so. Just put it back Dave. Don’t let others know that you too mistake holly for mistletoe.” He says. You make no motion to take it off; hell you are going to buy it just in spite of him.

 “Here,” Karkat leans up and kisses near the corner of your mouth. “For the ‘thought’.” He turns around and continues on his way. You smile like the fucking lovesick idiot you are. _Stupid, calm down, it wasn’t even a full on kiss._ You follow behind Karkat, and get into the line.

            You play around with the last minute items on the shelves. Karkat grumbles about how long the line is. You uncover one of those sticky hand toys and look over at him. He’s busy glaring at the back of someone’s head, tapping his foot impatiently. _Perfect_. You pop it out of its plastic dome and quickly slap Karkat across the arm with it. He gasps and turns to face you, slightly stunned.

 “How old are you?” He glares as you peel it off his arm and take aim again. You just laugh and launch the sticky hand towards his ass. Karkat groans and takes it away from you. He tosses it over to the next checkout aisle.

 “Behave or I’ll tell Santa to just shove the coal through your ass and out your mouth.” He huffs. You hear a small gasp and when you glance over your shoulder you see a tiny child clinging to their mother.

 “Holy fucking shit Karkat. Watch your goddamn mouth there are motherfuckin’ children here.” You say. You really should watch you language around kids, they’ll learn all kinds of things from you.

 “You’re telling me to watch _my_ mouth you cursing, fuming, stupid assfairy? You’re the one who started it!” Karkat places a hand on his hip. _Okay, they’ll learn creative shit from Karkat too._

 “Ass fairy?” You laugh.

 “Oh my inflamed dunderfucker. I am not doing this. Just shut the fuck up Dave.” He turns away from you and moves forward with the line.

 “Dude like, how does an ass fairy work? Like, do they have special magical powers over asses?” You ask.

 “Well obviously you wouldn’t know, since you have not been blessed by it. Unlike some of us in this world.”

 “Are you dissing my ass? You haven’t even touched this ass.” You cross your arms and pout slightly.

 “I don’t have to, it looks sad. It’s sad and compressed in those god awful tight pants. How do you even hide boners Dave?” He glances over his shoulder at you.

 “I usually have to avoid them at all costs.” It can be difficult some days, but you manage somewhat.

 “Well, you’re not very good at that.” He smirks.

 “Oh whatever.” You roll your eyes. Karkat wiggles his eyebrows and you are pretty certain he’s plotting something. You’ve never been a big fan of being roped into plots and you give him a wary look.

 “What are you plotting?”

 “Me? Plotting?” He asks you with mock innocence.

 “Yes, you.”

 “I am doing no such thing Dave.” Karkat says, turning and facing the front of the line again.

 “Yes you are.” You insist.

 “What makes you so sure? All I’m doing is standing here, in line, three days before _Noche Buena_. I’m not doing anything else.”

 “No-chey what?”

 “ _Noche Buena_ , Christmas Eve.” Karkat says.

 “Oh. Is that what it’s called in Spanish?” You hum.

 “Well no, that would be _‘Víspera de Navidad’_.”

 “Then why call it Noche Buena?” You ask, confused now.

 “Because it would be like calling it ‘the night before Christmas’ and it’s more than that for us. It’s _‘A Good Night’_. It’s what we celebrate. Not Christmas.” He tells you.

 “Why?” You knew different countries had different traditions for Christmas, but it hadn’t really occurred to you that they might not celebrate Christmas but some other equivalent. It’s interesting. Karkat takes a deep breath.

 “Because we don’t believe in Santa, Dave. Santa is your myth and more of a northern tradition here in the States. I don’t know if you know this, but a lot of my culture is based around what Catholic tradition says. So we celebrate the night baby Jesus was born,” He turns to face you better again. “We pretty much get together on the twenty-fourth, have dinner, then we party it up until midnight. That is when you put little baby Jesus’ statue in the center of the nativity scene and open up all your presents. We obviously don’t like to wait until the next day to do so. Our children don’t jump on mom and dad’s bed going, _‘_ _Apa, Apa_ _, Santa came!’_ like some Mrs. Claus whore in a porno.” Karkat rolls his eyes. You turn to the now wide-eyed kid behind you and give him a smile and a thumbs-up.

 “Instead of that we sleep and hope our uncle doesn’t get a bad _cruda_.” He continues.

 “Crew-dah?”

 “ _‘Undercook’_ basically a hangover.” He translates.

 “Ah. Fun.” You say.

 “You should come over that night.” Karkat says softly.

 “You sure?” You wouldn’t want to intrude on their traditions.

 “I’m sure Kankri will have me call you anyways, so yeah. Cronus is coming over. So is Gamzee, Kanaya, her sister and her mom. So yeah, why not? Well, if you’d like to that is. That would be important too.” He plays with a strand on his shirt.

 “Sure man, I’m down…what about Bro?” You hesitate on that last part.

 “If he would like to, sure.” Karkat looks back up at you with a small smile.

 “Yeah.” You smile back. He hums and chews on his lip a bit.

 “Speaking of Christmas celebrations and parties, I was invited to this party a friend of mine is hosting. Well, technically, I’m sort of being forced to go since a lot of them whine and bitch that I don’t hang out with them as much as I used to.” He rolls his eyes and stuffs his hands into his pants pockets.

 “Anyways, I um…I don’t really want to go alone and possibly end up being shoved into a closet to play some sort of game that is simply an excuse for teenagers to be able to force their advancement on each other with some assbreath hooligans. So yeah, um…You want to be my ‘date’?”

 “I’m down for that.” You agree. _You’ll be his date for anything really._ Karkat releases a soft sigh of relief.

 “It’s tomorrow night, over by Gamzee’s place. Like, where the really nice condos are? Yeah. There.” He says.

 “Okay.” You nod, trying to map it out in your head.

 “We could probably meet at Gamzee’s. I need to mentally prepare myself for that kind of party.” He says with a headshake.

 “A’ight.” You nod, grabbing the plastic divider thing and setting it down for Karkat. He hums in appreciation and sets his stuff on the belt. You grab the last divider and set it down after Karkat’s items, plopping your hat down onto the belt as well. He rolls his eyes at you. The two of you pay in relative silence, quickly taking your items.

 “Home?” Karkat asks looking up at you. You stuff your silly hat into one of your other bags.

 “Sure.” You hum and stretch out your back.

 “Good. I am so done with shopping until maybe Valentine’s.” He says walking you to the exit. A small rack of plush dolls catches your eye and you are distracted yet again. You walk over to the rack and do a scan of the dolls. _There it is_. You pick up a ram plush.

 “Hey, it kind of looks like the one you have.” You say, showing it to him.

 “Hmm?” He looks over at you and goes a bit pale at the toy in your hands. You make it wave its nubby little arm.

 “Dave put that back…” Karkat says very softly. It strikes you as odd and you follow his plea.

 “Okay.” You set it back down where it came from. Karkat clears his throat.

 “It’s um, it’s cute but we have to go.” He says after a moment.

 “Yeah…” You know there’s something up, but you don’t press the issue. You lead the way back to the exit like you two had been going. Karkat shuffles slowly behind you and you fall back to his pace.

            You see a small line has formed outside the store towards the center of the mall. You stand up on your tiptoes to get a better idea of what’s going on. You see a Santa figure at the start of the line. You turn back to Karkat, flopping back to being flat-footed.

 “Hey, let’s go do this.” You stick your thumb towards the line.

 “Do what?” He regards the line with distant interest.

 “It’s some Santa thing. Let’s do it.” You are already standing in the line.

 “Fuck no.”

 “Fuck yeah.” You smile slightly.

 “No, you don’t understand. If I do, it’d be like cheating on Gamzee.” He says.

 “What?” You give him a confused look.

 “Alright, so it started the first year Gamzee and I met. We were shopping around this time of year and Gamzee talked me into taking our picture with Santa. And so, we have pretty much been taking one each year, except for this year. Since, he’s been busy with his shop and studying for his last GED exam.” Karkat stands next to you anyway.

 “Well you can still take this one and like give him a copy of it. Just like, glue his face over mine.” You shrug. He gives you a look, one that just tells you how dumb he thinks the idea is.

 “What? You could.” You tell him.

 “Do you really want to see me sitting on an old fat man’s lap?” He sighs.

 “Why not?” You ask. He looks at how short the line is and back to you.

 “Fine. But only because Gamzee would love to get a picture like that.”

 “Fuck yeah.” You excitedly nudge him. You two get to the front and Karkat groans softly at you.

 “We got this.” You say, setting your shit down and making your way to Santa. Karkat makes his way over too after placing his stuff down.

 “I am so sorry, I am here because I was dared.” He whispers the lame as fuck excuse to Santa.

 “Ho ho ho, it’s okay.” Santa smiles. You get up on his lap and Karkat carefully sits on the other leg.

 “What are your names boys?” Santa asks.

 “Dave Strider.” You smile.

 “Karkat.” He fusses with his hair.

 “Well, Dave and Karkat, have you two been good this year?”

 “I guess so.” Karkat sighs.

 “Yessir, I’ve been hells good this year.” You say. Santa nods.

 “And what is it you would like for Christmas?” He asks.

 “A fresh start this new year.” Karkat mumbles.

 “A pony.” You say.

 “Ho ho ho, alright then, Santa shall write that down.” The man smiles at the two of you.  “Alright, smiles for the camera.” A little elf calls out. Karkat has a forced smile on his lips. _That just won’t do._ You lean over slightly, and try to tickle Karkat to get a more genuine smile out of him. He bites down on his lip and you pout. _Okay fine. I tried to be nice._ You drag your tongue across his cheek and Karkat groans loudly with disgust. You laugh and the elf snaps the picture. They bring you two candy canes and tell you where to buy the picture. Karkat takes his candy cane with a pout, and you wish Santa and his elf a ‘Merry Christmas’ before taking yours.

            You stop by the counter while Karkat grabs your bags. You pay up for two copies and carefully hand one off to Karkat. He takes his in exchange for your bags. You slip your copy into the emptiest bag and take his hand in yours. It’s a nice feeling, and you give it a soft squeeze. Karkat smiles slightly, shaking his head as you swing your arms together back to the bus stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	17. Party Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> \- Suicidal thoughts  
> \- Underage drinking  
> \- Threats  
> \- Unsupervised Partying  
> \- Teenage angst  
> \- Feferi and her Fish puns  
> \- Karkat and his Rage
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE OF THESE BEFORE YOU CONTINUE  
> Thank you

You shove your wallet into your back left pocket, and tuck your house keys into the front. You glance at the time on your phone before shoving that into a free pocket as well. Tonight is the party Karkat asked you to be his date to. Parties aren’t your most favorite things in the world to do. There are too many people, everything is loud, there’s alcohol everywhere. You look at your reflection in the mirror, brush your bangs out of your face, and sigh. You look party ready you guess.

            It took several promises on your end to not get shitfaced, let alone drink anything alcoholic, for Karkat to give in and admit defeat. You don’t think he really wanted to go all that much, but he is now. He’s waiting over at Gamzee’s right now for you.

            You roll your neck and shake your arms out. _You can do this_. You head for the door, passing by Bro who’s actually home.

 “I’m headed out.” You tell him.

 “A’ight, ‘m headin’ out in a bit too.” He glances at the clock.

 “You be safe. Try not to bring home too much tail.”

 “Same goes ta you then.” He scoffs.

 “Oh yeah. I’m swimmin’ in bitches bro. Bring ‘em all home.” You roll your eyes. Bro laughs.

 “Oh jus’ get outta here.”

 “Ignore me if I call.” You say, opening the door and closing it behind you. You send a quick text to Karkat, letting him know that you’re headed that way. It’s a long and uneventful walk over to Gamzee’s.

            You knock on the front door and wait patiently for someone to answer. Gamzee opens the door moments later to let you in. You nod and thank him as you step inside. He smiles and nods back, shutting the door. You hear Karkat groan from further in the house and you go to investigate. You lean against the doorframe and look in; Karkat is busy scowling at his reflection.

 “‘Sup.” You say. He jumps and whips around to see you. He puffs out his cheeks and gives you a soft glare.

 “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” You chuckle lightly.

 “You didn’t scare me.” Karkat scoffs and pushes past you out of the room. You follow right behind him.

 “Does that mean you’re ready then?”

 “Mhmm. Yeah. Sure.” He grumbles and waves a dismissive hand.

 “A’ight then. Let’s go.” You head back for the door. Karkat stops to gently pat Gamzee on the head.

 “Make sure you lock the window before you go to bed tonight, okay?” He tells him.

 “Yeah, I will.” Gamzee smiles up at him. Karkat gives him a quick peck to the forehead and tugs his sweater over his head. Since he actually knows where the hell the two of you are going you let him lead the way out.

 “So how late will we be?” You ask, kicking a small rock on your path.

 “Mmm, an hour? Who cares, it’s not like they’re waiting for me. Besides these things don’t end until someone decides to call the cops or something. So knowing that condo, maybe five in the morning?” Karkat kicks the rock back over to you. You snicker and pass it back.

 “What?” He asks.

 “Yeah, huh?” You guess that’s how most parties without parental supervision go down. The two of you pass the pebble for as long as you can before you nudge it a bit too hard and set it scuttling off into the road.

 “It’s nice out.” You hum. Granted it’s a bit humid, it’s nothing compared to monsoon season. God you hate monsoon season.

 “A bit cloudy though. Do you think it’ll rain?” Karkat asks as he glances up at the sky overhead.

 “Maybe? Hell if we’re lucky it’ll just be cold and not fucking ice rain.” You look at the clouds, hoping they’re just going to provide you with some shade and nothing more. He hums in response.

 “So, are you sure you are ready for this?” Karkat looks over at you.

 “Yeah man. So ready. Like, you have no fucking idea.” You stuff your hands into your pockets and find a new pebble to kick around.

 “No. I don’t. So please enlighten me, Dave. Just how ready are you? Are you fucking excited? Like are you fucking hard for this bro? Does this bring you that much fucking joy? Are you going to go home and be like ‘ah fuck yeah, partied so hard’? Like are you going to just get off on the idea of you partying so hard I’ll probably have to carry you home?” He rambles off.

 “Hell yeah. But, in reality, I’ll probably just chat up a few people and hang in the corner with either you or John.” You shrug. It’s what you usually do when Jade would beg you to go with her puppy dog eyes, or Rose with her trickery ways, hell even John and his constant nudges into your ribs to get you to say yes. Karkat nods in response.

 “Fun.”

 “You’re welcome to join me and him as we go set up pranks and whatnot.” You offer. He just shrugs.

 “I’ll figure it out when I get there. As long as I don’t get roped into playing ‘Seven Minutes in Heaven’ again I’ll be happy. It had been horrible Dave. Last time my name was pulled out at least fifteen fucking times. I was in the damn closet for maybe an hour or so. And you know how I got in that elevator,” He grumbles, crossing his arms and glaring at nothing. “I bet you can imagine how I got in a closet with little Miss Mewmew and her noble steed.”

 “Miss Mewmew? Dude I’m sorry. At least Equiqui is kinda hot?” You say. Karkat gives you a look.

 “Don’t let Nepeta hear you say that. It’s been a few months since she last shipped him with someone.” He warns.

 “He’s a bit too muscle bound for my tastes. It looks like he could snap me in half, and I mean it in the least sexy of ways possible.” You had only seen Equius from a distance as he always walks Nepeta to the English class that you and her share.

 “Probably. I don’t want to know what he could do to an ass.” Karkat shakes his head.

 “Give someone a new one, that’s for sure.” You say. He snorts softly and you see a slight smile on his lips. You smile back over at him. Karkat hums and pulls his phone out of his pocket, quickly making a face at the text on screen before shoving it back.

 “I’m guessing we’re close.” You gesture to the amount of cars parked along the sidewalk.

 “Yeah.” He huffs.

 “What’s up? What suddenly got your panties in a twist?” You ask.

 “For your information my panties were left at home, so there is no way they are in any sort of twist.” He crosses his arms. It doesn’t answer your question but then again you weren’t really expecting one from him. However, it doesn’t keep you from feeling a bit hurt from it.

 “Okay Mr. Grouchass. Sure. None of my business anyway.” You shrug.

 “Yeah. It’s not.” Karkat snaps lightly, taking the porch steps up to the front door. You two don’t even get a chance to knock before the door flies open. A girl your age grabs Karkat by the arms and reels him inside.

 “Kar _crab_! I told them you’d actually _shore_ up this time!” She says with a bright smile.

 “There are other ways to say hello, but hey. Hello to you too.” Karkat grumbles. The girl turns to you and beckons you in. You nod in appreciation and step inside, letting the door fall shut behind you.

 “Okay, so. Nepeta told me, that Kanaya told her, that you told her to tell you if you-know-who shore-d up.” She tells Karkat.

 “Yeah, I know. I was notified about said person’s presence.” He whines.

 “Good! So you know that he’ll be looking for you.” She winks and taps his nose.

 “Who’s looking for you?” You ask Karkat. He looks away from you.

 “An old _frond_.” Miss bubbles smiles. Karkat heaves a heavy sigh and you get a sneaking suspicion of whom this old ‘frond’ might be.

 “Kar-crab please. He already apologized last time.” She pouts at him.

 “I don’t think some of you know that it is _my_ choice to accept apologies toward myself.” He grumbles.

 “So hey, I’m Dave.” You offer your hand to the lady, trying to get her off Karkat for a moment.

 “Ah yes! Dave Strider.” She smiles and takes your hand. _Dear god that’s a strong grip._ You nod.

 “Feferi,” She tells you her name. “I have heard _sooo_ much about you.” She gives you a small wink. Karkat gives her a look and you bring her hand up to kiss her knuckles.

 “It’s nice to meet you.” You say, laying the southern charm a bit thick. It’s a habit you got from Bro, _always make a woman feel beautiful an’ impor’ant, jus’ don’ be creepy ‘bout it,_ he told you.

 “Oh no, the pleasure is all mine.” Feferi says. Karkat crosses his arms and puffs his cheeks out. You release her hand.

 “Is this your place?”

 “Mhmm. _Whale_ mine and my sister’s. But she’s “out of town” and let me do as I pleased.”

 “It’s nice.” You say, glancing around. Very nautical, light blues, pinks, and fish like decorations everywhere.

 “ _Tank_ you.” She nods politely. Someone further in the building calls for Karkat and he takes his leave.

 “A’ight that’s cool.” You murmur to him with a halfhearted wave to his back. Feferi pouts a bit at his sudden exit.

 “So Miss Feferi.”

 “Hmm?” She turns back to you.

 “As the glorious hostess, would you be so kind a to help me find my ‘fronds’?” You ask. She smiles brightly and wiggles.

 “Shore! Who are we looking for?”

 “John? He’s usually the first to arrive anywhere.” _Which is probably in due to his speeding._   Feferi hums.

 “Johnnnnn what? John Connor? John Depp? John Cena?”

 “Egbert. Boy blue.” You smile and shake your head slightly.

 “Oh! Yes! He should be around,” She gets onto her tiptoes, even though it doesn’t really bring her above anyone’s shoulder. She’s smaller than Karkat.

 “I last saw him and Vriska together.” She hums.

 “Of course.” You roll your eyes.

 “You could ask her where he went.” She drops down and points out Vriska. You have no idea how she could tell.

 “I shall. Thank you.” You say anyway.

 “Mhmm.” She smiles and waves to you, turning her attention to other people at the door. You take a deep breath and slide past people, trying to make yourself as small as possible.

 “Hey! Dave!” You turn to the sound of the voice and see John waving at you enthusiastically. _Oh thank God_. You really didn’t want to talk to the spiderbitch.

 “John.” You walk over to him and he meets you half way.

 “Wow! You actually came. How did you get here? Did Rose drop you off?” John looks over the heads of people for her.

 “Nah. I came with Karkat. He knew the way.” You say.

 “Ohhh. Okay. I see.” He gives you a teasing wink.

 “What? What’s with that look?” You ask

 “Oh nothing.” He sing-songs.

 “Just go tend to your sheep.”

 “You are my sheep. M’lil lamb.” He mocks tipping his ‘hat’

 “Oh. My god. John.” You roll your eyes.

 “What?”

 “I can’t.” You laugh softly. John snorts and joins in with you. The two of you move out of everyone’s way and lean against the wall in the kitchen.

 “So, you’ve replaced me with Karkat?” John asks you.

 “I haven’t replaced you. I am hurt that you think I could do that.” You cross your arms.

 “Uh yeah you have. I asked you if you wanted to come to this party and you had told me ‘no’. And here you are, showing up with Karkat. I call that replacing me bro. But it’s fine, I guess we’ve been drifting apart for awhile now.” John taps the rim of his cup.

 “It’s different.” You say, taking great care to inspect your nails.

 “Mhmm. Why?” John asks, clearly not reading into how you really don’t want to talk about it right now.

 “I…you…” You turn to face him and he’s busy wiggling his eyebrows like you’ve taught him. _Or did he teach you? God you don’t know anymore._

 “I am not dignifying that with a response.” You huff. You know that John is probably very well aware of your not-so-secret crush on Karkat.

 “Oh c’mon Dave. There’s no need for that. I can feel the love tonight.” He starts singing.

 “John no. We’ve talked about this.” You make a move for his mouth. He ducks under your arms and nudges the flailing limbs away, singing more to the damn song. He laughs when you finally manage to get his arms.

 “No spontaneous Disney singing”

 “I’d be more concerned about Karkat right now than I would be about busting some Disney tunes.” John says looking over your shoulder at something.

 “Why? I mean he can handle himself just fine.”  
  
 “’Cause just because he came _with_ _you_ doesn’t mean that he’s not going home with _someone else_.” John points over to where you see Karkat. Next to him, trying to chat him up is that 3D asshole.

 “What’s the deal with those two anyway?” You ask. John shrugs.

 “He’s Karkat’s ex, and he’s been _dying_ to win him back. But don’t tell anyone I told you.”

 “Oh.” Is all you can muster. _He’s the douche that cheated on Karkat then?_

 “I know right? I hear he’s a very jealous guy. So he probably heard that you and Karkat have been spending _a lot_ of time together.” John hums.

 “Well, he can fuck himself with a rake if he’s gonna be such a prick about it. I mean they’re exes.” You glare over at Sollux.

 “Well Dave. A lot of the times you just can’t spell ‘sex’ without ‘ex’,” John pauses for a second. “Actually you never can without ‘ex’, it’d just be ‘s’.” You shake your head.

 “Fuck you’re dumb, but cute.”

 “I know.” He smiles. You count how long it takes for him to realize what he agreed to. It takes him twelve seconds to realize his mistake.

 “Wait. Hey!” John pouts over at you. You laugh loudly and he grumbles.

 “You’re the one who agreed to it!” You remind him. John just rolls his eyes.

 “Whatever. Come on, let’s get you a drink and we can talk more. Maybe you’ll admit that you love Karkat by the end of the night.”

 “Doubt it.” You say.

 “We’ll see.” He teases, moving off further into the kitchen.

 “The drink can’t be alcoholic. I promised I’d stay sober.” You tell him, leaning on the countertop.

 “Riiight, okay. I’ll get you a soda or something then. Be right back.” He says, setting his cup down in front of you. You look down at into the plastic cup. _Why hello there probably spiked drink, why on earth would John be dumb enough to leave you here in front of me?_ You glance around for salt and instead find some random ass bottle of hot sauce sitting on the shelf above the stove. You get up and grab it, quickly undo the cap and pouring the contents into John’s cup. You stir it up with a straw and quickly shove the materials back where they belong.

            You lean back over the counter as you were before, hoping that John won’t notice the color change, let alone the smell. You watch him dig through Feferi’s fridge and you casually admire his ass. It’s still nice, but you have to admit that Karkat’s is rounder and probably plusher than muscle like John’s. He straightens up and comes back over to you, some odd lemonade thing in his hand.

 “Sorry bro, there’s no soda.” John offers you the drink and you take it.

 “Eh it’s fine.” You hand him his. You bite on the inside of your cheek to keep your face straight as John goes to take a drink. He pauses and gives you a look.

 “What?” You ask.

 “Really?” He puts a hand on his hip. You do your best “hurt and offended” face and John rolls his eyes. He tosses his cup into the trash and goes to get a new one. You snicker slightly behind the rim of yours.

 “Nuh-uh you owe me a drink bro, so here.” John stops you from taking a sip and trades his new cup with yours.

 “I don’t trust you.” You give it a suspicious look.

 “Wow. So you replace me and then you no longer trust me.”

 “I didn’t replace you.” You groan.

 “My bro-heart is torn Dave. Torn!” John slaps a hand to his chest. You heave a sigh and take the cup.

 “But oh fine. We can trade ba—” _Fuck it._ You quickly toss it back, chugging the liquid down. When your cup is empty you immediately regret that decision. You almost gag, and slap the cup down onto the counter. John is giving you a wide-eyed, terrified look. Your throat burns like a bitch, and your nose has decided to go on a 10k right now.

 “Oh god. I’m okay.” You cough a couple of times and wipe at the tears that have formed near the edges of your eyes.

 “Holy shit, you are gonna die.” John says softly. You look up at him.

 “…Why? John. What did you do?”

 “I didn’t do shit you didn’t do! So, keep that in mind!” He crosses his arms. It explains why it tasted like lemonade and Tapatío had given you their fucking love baby.

 “A’ight. Yep. I’m going to die.” You try not to think about it too much, _you really don’t want that drink to make an encore._

 “Um okay, maybe I can like, get you some Pepto! Y-Yeah! I’m going to go do that!” John quickly makes a break for it. You cling to the counter and glance over in Karkat’s direction. _God you hope he’s having more fun than you right now._ He’s talking with Sollux, so you doubt he’s having _that_ much of a good time. John is back shortly afterwards, new cup in hand.

 “Uh here! Water!” He thrusts it at you and you have to grab at it before he spills it everywhere like the dweeb he is. It’s just clear, and already you are way more hesitant to drink it. John’s giving you an honest expression of concern and friendly care and you find yourself chugging it down like you had before. _Ah ha ha, nope._ It burns worse than the lemon-Tapatío-aid, and unlike the lemony hell this had a very different kind of burn. After you choke it down you can safely assume that you just tossed back almost a full solo cup of fucking Vodka.

 “Fuck me.” _So much for not getting drunk._ You whine.

 “Uh, I thought we already had this conversation Dave. “ John mumbles.

 “That was not water.” You inform him.

 “The fuck,” He mumbles softly under his breath, taking the cup from you, and giving it a sniff. “Oh. Ooooh. Oops. You weren’t the DD right?” John asks, confirming your earlier theory.

 “Well the plan _was_ to walk home, so thankfully no.” You tell him.

 “ _Well_ then you should be fine.” He says. You chew your lip and look down at the bracelet still tied to your wrist.

 “Yeah…”

 “C’mon, maybe there’s space on the couch. I think they have ‘Ghost Rider’ playing.” John claps a hand to your back with a wide smile.

 “Why not.” You sigh. He practically squeals and shoves you through the people, using you as a battering ram, to get to the couch.

            John flops down into an empty space on the couch, next to where Karkat is sitting. Sollux is nowhere to be seen and you wouldn’t mind chilling with both John and Karkat for a bit. However, Karkat gives John a light glare before getting up and moving away from the couch entirely. You give a slight wave that he ignores and try not to let it bother you that much. _Maybe he’s getting tired of you._

            You sit down on the floor, your back pressed against the couch and your knees drawn to your chest. You can already feel the unpleasant weight around your ribs and throat. You bite down on your lip, tongue, cheek, everything inconspicuous, and trying to ignore the way your head spins. You are becoming too aware of the way you breathe, _god it fucking feels weird,_ as more thoughts try to worm their unwanted faces into your mind. You tap your forehead against John’s knee, albeit none too nicely.

 “Hey!” He looks down at you.

 “You poisoned me, it’s a small payback.” You mumble into the fabric.

 “Excuse me?”

 “You heard me.” You look up at him, resting your chin on his lower thigh. John gives you a look you can’t really decipher, but something tells you it’s about how close you are to him right this moment. While you aren’t actually slobbering all over his dick, _you also don’t particularly want to anymore for several reasons;_ he might be thinking you will. He has a girlfriend though, and you’re not that rude to anyone.

 “I hope I’m not the touchy-feely drunk.” You murmur. You know you aren’t, or what you can recall of those events in which your sobriety was definitely not that high, tell you so. John shakes his head.

 “You’re more of an emotional drunk. See? You already look sad.” _Maybe it’s because you feel ten kinds of guilty for getting a bit tipsy in the first place when you promised you wouldn’t. Maybe it’s because Karkat’s ignoring you._

 “Then what do you propose to cure it?” You hum and ask him.

 “I don’t know Dave. It’s not my problem. Besides, you’ve always dealt with it alone when you’d get shitfaced.” He sighs.

 “Maybe that’s the answer.” You say, mostly to yourself. John simply shrugs. You sit up a bit straighter and look over at him.

 “I should get _more_ drunk! That’s the solution John.”

 “Well then, go ahead, I guess. Get me something too?” He points over to where the drinks are currently stationed.

 “Yeah, want anything in particular?” You ask getting up onto your feet. John shakes his head and waves you off. _He doesn’t want to deal with you either._ You force a weak smile on your lips.

 “A’ight.” You leave him behind on the couch and make your way to the table. You don’t particularly feel up to being around this many people right now. You reach out, grab one of the rather large bottles of who-the-fuck-cares, and slip away. No one stops you or makes a comment about the bottle you basically stole. You make your way through the place, discovering a surprisingly empty balcony.

            You step out onto it and lean against the railing. You glance down at the street below you and the city skyline. The sun has long since set, not that you would’ve seen it with how dark the clouds are becoming. You crack open the bottle, fully intent on attempting to drink this whole thing. It’s a horrible idea though. You bring the bottle to your lips and catch sight of the bracelet still wrapped snugly around your wrist.

 “Glug glug motherfuckers…” You mumble softly to yourself and take a hardy swig from the bottle. It’s not nearly as harsh as the vodka was to your throat, though it does have a bit more of a spice to it.

            You stop for breath and look at what remains. You drank less than a quarter you guess. You take another few more swallows of it, before toasting no one but the cityscape outside. You upend the bottle over the railing, watching it pour out onto the sidewalk below.

 “God fucking damn it, Dave!” You screech in surprise, bottle slipping out of your hand and plummeting to the ground. You turn around very slowly and see Karkat making his way towards you. _If looks could kill you would have been dead hours ago._ You shrink back, attempting to make yourself as small as possible. He’s shoving people out of his way and you glance back behind you over the railing. _It’s too high of a drop; you won’t make it out okay._ You bite your lip hard and quickly dash in, slipping past people with ease.

            You move through the people like butter, and you can see Karkat make it to the balcony. He rushes over to the railing and you make a break for John. You aren’t sure why John, but John is where you are headed. You stop next to him, a tad out of breath, and think of something to say.

 “Where’s my drink?” He asks you. _Fuck, you forgot about that. How stupid. You just fuck every thing up don’t you? Don’t you?_

 “I may ‘ave acciden’ly dropped it. Over the railin’ ou’side to be specific.” You tell him. You try not to wince at him clicking his tongue in disapproval. _Can’t do anything right can you, Strider? Hell, they don’t even care about you; you fucked up too many times with them. They’re only talking to you again because they pity you._ You tighten your hands into fists and try to block out the thoughts. John just gives you a look, it makes your skin crawl. You feel exposed. _He’s disgusted by you y’know? Imagine what Karkat is going to do when he finds out about those nasty things on your arms and legs._ Your chest constricts a bit more.

 “You ‘ave a light? Or at leas’ know who might ‘ave one?” It’s an innocent enough of a question. _You are horrible._ _You are repulsive. You can’t even keep this under control. How sickening._

 “Um, I think maybe Vriska?” John says. You nod mechanically.

 “She’s gonna lay eggs in my gut. Okay. Yeah. I’ll get ya a dri’k, n a light from ‘er. All while ‘voidn’ Kark’t. Sounds e’sy ‘nough.” You hope your extra slurred speech doesn’t give anything away.

 “Avoiding Karkat?” John gives you a confused look.

 “Mmm. ‘N if ‘e as’s ya didn’ see me. ‘N ya didn’ ‘ear me as’ for anythin’.” You slip through the crowds again, making your way back to the dumb drink table. You get a cup, fill it quickly with something and make your way over to where you last saw Vriska.

 “’Ey spider queen, ya gotta light on ya?” You ask her. She finishes lighting some paper thing on fire and tosses her lighter over to you.

 “Th’nks.” You scamper off with it before she asks you to do something in return. You quickly cross the room again and hand John his drink.

 “Thanks.” He says with a light smile. _He doesn’t care._

 “Where’s the bathroom?” You manage to get out. John looks about and then points in a direction.

 “That way.”

 “A’ight.” You nod stiffly.

 “Dave!” Karkat shouts over the crowd. Your stomach drops down to your feet.

 “Fuck.” You whisper and quickly slide past people in the direction John pointed out. Your hand touches the doorknob when you hear Karkat screech loudly at John.

 “WHERE IS HE AND WHAT DID YOU DO?” You fling the bathroom door open and slam it shut behind you. Your _dumb, stupid, clumsy,_ fingers fumble with the lock and you curl up in the corner once you hear it click. You can still hear Karkat shouting at John, though it’s too muffled through the door to make out. _You fucked up._ You don’t like this feeling. _You are a fucking failure._

            You can’t do this for yourself, you can’t even do this for Karkat. He’s given you all of his time and patience and _you just keep fucking it up._ You are no longer worth saving or redemption. _You deserve all the shit that happens to you, all the things you do to yourself and whatever the world throws at you._ You aren’t worth the pity of your friends, you aren’t worth Karkat’s help. _He’s probably just going to fucking drop you when he sees you like this._ You wouldn’t be able to blame him if he did.  _Everyone else has, so why wouldn’t he?_ _He’s going to leave you._   _He’s going to give up on you too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	18. Burn Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> \- Alcohol Abuse  
> \- Harmful thoughts  
> \- Self harm (specifically scratching and burning)  
> \- Verbal Abuse  
> \- Implied Physical Abuse  
> \- Implied Domestic Abuse  
> \- Vomit / Emetophobia
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE OF THESE BEFORE YOU CONTINUE  
> Thank you

            You are crying softly in the bathroom of a stranger’s house. You are, _disgusting, vile, trash,_ upset. You are angry with yourself because, _you’re nothing, less than the dirt you walk on,_ you broke your promise again. _You always do. Why are you even here anyway?_ You absentmindedly run your fingers along the lighter. _What good are your promises, your words, what good are you to anyone?_

            You figure out how to flick the lighter on and you watch the flame for several moments before letting it go off. You shouldn’t do this. _You should do it._ You tug your sleeve up over your shoulder. _How ugly._ You stare at your shoulder, and all the lines that crisscross over the skin. Some are raised, some faint, thick and thin. You shouldn’t do this. _You should do it. You’re nothing but a coward. Why fight it so hard?_ You flick the lighter back on.

            You almost drop it when the doorknob rattles. You sit there frozen as someone knocks on the door. You swallow thickly, trying to come up with the words but all that rushes around in your head are threats and warnings.

 “B-Busy!” You manage to choke out.

 “BUSY MY ASS! GET OUT OF THERE!” Karkat pounds his fist against the door. You can’t handle this. You reignite the lighter and bring the flame to your upper arm.

 “DAVE YOU OPEN THIS CROTCHSTAINED, TAINTCHAFING DOOR OR I AM GOING TO KNOCK IT DOWN AND DRAG YOUR LITTLE PALE ASS ALL THE WAY FUCKING HOME!” He’s rattling the door on its hinges. You bite your lip hard and squirm under the feeling of the fire. It hurts in a way you aren’t used to, but you hold it there for as long as you can.

 “DAVE!” Karkat growls, you can hear him scratch at the door.

 “Fuck!” You drop the lighter, it became too much.

 “DAVE!” He jiggles the knob and lets out very frustrated noises.

 “GO AWAY!” You scream at the door.

 “NOT UNTIL YOU COME OUT AND I SEE THAT YOU ARE ALRIGHT!” Karkat yells back. You press your fingers into the burn on your arm, and stifle your sob of pain the best you can.

 “DAVE FUCKING STRIDER, GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW!” He punctuates every sentence with a hard bang on the door.

 “YOU SAID YOU COULD HANDLE THIS! YOU SAID YOU WOULD BE FINE…”You hear his voice break at the end.

 “Fuck off!” You thump your head against the wall.

 “Fuck _you!_ You know very damn well that I am not going anywhere! I fucking _promised_ you that! And maybe _you_ like to break all your damn promises but I sure don’t break _mine!_ ” He yells back with a wobbly voice. Your hand finds the lighter again and you are quicker to light it and place the flame closer to your shoulder.

“Dave…please. Open the door…” Karkat begs softly. You don’t catch your loud pained curse this time as you pull the lighter away from your skin again. You catch someone else’s voice and you are quick to drop the lighter and tug your sleeve back down. The fabric hurts against the burned skin and you hiss softly as the door is flung open and slammed shut again.

 “You _fucking idiot!_ You fucking–” Karkat groans loudly in frustration. “What was the point of this? Are you content now? Is this what you fucking wanted?” You curl up into a very tight ball. Karkat leans down and picks up the discarded lighter. He smashes the poor thing into the wall.

 “Get up.” He says sternly. You scoot away from him, not wanting to end up like the lighter.

 “Get up Dave…” He says softly this time.

 “No…” You almost whisper. Karkat sighs and plops down on the edge of the bathtub and holds his head. The two of you sit in silence for a moment, as you try not to let anymore dumb tears fall. Karkat stands back up.

 “We’re going home, get up.” He says. You sniffle into your knees and hide your face from him.

 “It’s time to go home Dave.” He says gently. You wipe at your face and he steps closer to you. You wrap your hand around your wrist and squeeze it very fucking hard. Karkat kneels down beside you.

 “…Shouldn’ ya be yellin’ s’me more?” You try to steady your breathing and fight off a leaking nose.

 “Yelling is only going to hurt my voice and make you tuck yourself into a tighter ball.” He says. Karkat hesitantly reaches out and unknowingly places his hand on your burned shoulder. You flinch slightly under him. He pulls his hand away quickly, resting it down on your back. He rubs soft circles along your spine and shoulder blades.

 “Dave, please, let’s go home.” You bite your lip and only sob softly this time before nodding. _Home sounds so nice._ Karkat stands up once more and offers you his hand. You look up at his face; you don’t understand why he’s even bothering with you right now. You can’t decipher the look on his face either. With a trembling hand, you reach out and take his. He pulls you up to your feet and you cling to his smaller frame. He hugs you tight, trying very hard to keep the two of you from falling over do to your wobbly stance.

 “Fuck Dave…Next party, I’m not letting you out of my sight.” Karkat says, patting your back lightly as you hiccup into his hair. You manage a croaky ‘okay’ while he continues to shoosh you and pat your back.

 “I wanna go ‘ome.” You eventually say.

 “Home sounds really, _really,_ nice right now.” Karkat agrees, taking a slight step back. You cling tightly to his hand and he gives you a nod. He leads you out of the damned bathroom and you stumble behind him like young Bambi learning to walk. Karkat laces your fingers together, if only to keep you anchored closer to him. He gives Feferi a polite nod and opens the front door.

            The two of you step outside into apparently, the pouring rain. Karkat groans irritably. You wrap your free arm around your body and try to keep the chattering of your teeth quiet. The rain feels like ice soaking though your shirt, you shiver as it slides down your back.

 “Shoul’ we…Shoul’ we call some’ne?” You ask, thankful that you don’t catch your tongue between your teeth. Karkat shrugs out of his jacket and drapes it over your head.

 “I’ll get us a taxi.” He grumbles.

 “Okay.” You hold his jacket in place. He grabs you by your arm and hauls your stumbling ass under a tree in an attempt to help keep you dry. You curl up on the ground; _standing is so hard why do we even stand._ Karkat tries his hardest to hail a cab and you can see how frustrated and done his is with everything that’s happened tonight. You sniffle, although now it’s because you’re cold as fuck, and softly mumble his name. Several cabs just pass the two of you by. You watch at how pissed Karkat gets each time the taxis drive past. You think he might be crying, but you can’t tell for sure.

 “Fucking _finally_.” Karkat sighs as a taxi slows down and pulls to the curb. You have to lean on both Karkat and the tree for support to get back onto your legs slowly. Once you got them beneath you, you cling to Karkat’s hand once more.

            He helps you get into the cab, opening the door and pushing your head down to be sure you don’t bump it on the way in. Karkat shuts the door after he sees you perfectly buckled in. You get comfy as he walks around the cab and gets into from the other side. He gives his address to the man driving and counts the cash in his wallet. Deeming the amount good, he buckles himself in and closes the door shut.

            You rub at your eyes underneath your shades and you hear Karkat sniffle beside you and do the same. You offer Karkat’s jacket back to him. He shakes his head and makes sure it’s actually wrapped around you all proper jacket like. The cabbie gives you two a glance in his mirror at a stop; he almost looks a bit concerned. You turn your attention to the world outside the windows and as the cab starts moving you can feel your stomach twist up. You force yourself to look away, your head is spinning and you can feel the bile in the back of your throat. _Oh fuck, ew._ You groan softly at the discomfort.

 “Hey, are you okay?” Karkat asks softly. _Nope, nope, nope._ You cover your mouth with a hand and shake your head, which of course makes it worse. The cabbie makes a noise and you think he’s gesturing to something.

 “What’s wrong?” Karkat rests his hand on your shoulder. You make a mental note to apologize profusely and make it up to him later, because you are definitely getting carsick.

 “Dave?” Karkat gives you a very soft shake of your shoulder. You hadn’t originally intended to lean his way, no you had planned on at least going for the floor between your own shoes. Yet somehow, someway, you had turned just enough that you get sick in his lap. Somewhere between all the _incredibly fun_ dry heaving you manage to mumble out and apology to Karkat. He just sighs and pats your back until your stomach settles down a bit. You can feel it in the back of your nose and the smell makes you want to puke all over again, but instead you lean back a bit and wipe at your eyes with shaky hands.

            You mumble apology after apology, to both him and the poor guy driving the two of you home. You want to blow your nose, hopefully getting the worst of it out. You want to wash your mouth out and scrub at your teeth and tongue viciously for at least five minutes. You want to stop feeling like there’s going to be an encore.

 “’M s’rry…” You mumble again into Karkat’s shoulder. He runs his fingers through your damp and now slightly sweaty hair.

 “Shh. It’s not the worse thing that has happened to me. It’s fine.” You start having a coughing fit, you think it’s because your body hates you. Karat hands you a small bag from who-knows-where-he-got-it-ville. You take it and keep it close to your mouth, wishing you had it earlier. You focus very hard on keeping whatever’s left of your stomach down and hide your face in Karkat’s neck. At least the cab driver tries to make the rest of the ride as smooth as possible. Really, they should give the man a bonus.

            When the car finally slows to a stop Karkat gently pushes you back into a seated position. He carefully unclips your seatbelts, doing his best to keep his out of the mess on his lap. He pushes the door open and cautiously steps out. Most of the sick has dried and clings to his pants. You mumble another apology as he fishes you out of the car as well. You move sluggishly, instantly going to sit right back down on the curb once Karkat sets you free. He pulls out his wallet and counts out the bills needed to pay the poor guy who now has to deal with the smell alone. On shaky knees, you manage to get back up and walk closer to the apartments. You end up slumping against the wall though.

            The cabbie, bless his little heart, doesn’t move until after you and Karkat are safely inside the lobby. You lean heavily against Karkat, most of your energy having been sapped from throwing up. He jabs his finger into the elevator call button. He sighs softly with a glance at his pants.

 “S’rry…” You mumble against his chest. He pats your arm gently, and tilts your face up to look at him. He brushes his sleeve against you lips and chin before wiping it off on his pants. You are downright miserable.

 “I’m going to take you home and you are going to take a shower. Then we can try and get you into bed.” Karkat says. You nod numbly and he helps you into the elevator when the doors slide open. The sudden jerk of the elevator moving upwards makes your stomach churn.

 “So what exactly did you drink and how much?” He asks after a moment.

 “I ‘unno…J’hn handed it t’me.” You slur out. It’s true to some degree.

 “Of course he did. Remind me to have a chat with him the next time I see his shit-eating face.”

 “M’kay.” The elevator stops suddenly and Karkat helps lead you out. You have barely started making your way down the hall when you think of something.

 “Oh fff’ck ‘s Bro h’me? Wha’ t’me issit?” You ask Karkat. He shrugs in response.

 “I don’t know and I really don’t care. I just want to get you home. I’d take you back to mine but if Kankri saw you like this…” He trails off, “You’ll be okay at home.”

 “I hope so.” You sigh. _Bro for once, please **don’t** be home._

 “You will.” Karkat reassures you. You stop in front of your door and you stare holes into it.

 “Do you have your key?” He asks, wiggling the knob and finding it locked. The fact that it’s locked is a relief. You nod and haphazardly dig into your various pockets until you find it. You pass it over to him once you manage to get it out. Karkat takes it and unlocks the door. He peeks inside and then clicks the lights on.

 “I don’t think your brother’s home.” He says.

 “Could be a tr’p.” You tell him. He rolls his eyes and helps carry you inside anyway.

 “Hello?” He calls out. There is no response. You kick off your shoes, thinking that maybe you’ll be able to walk better without them. Karkat follows your lead and toes his off before letting you stumble your way to your bedroom.

            You flop onto your bed with a soft sigh. It’s nice to be lying down when compared to being upright. Your face is smashed against your pillows and you take a deep breath of the comforting scent.

 “I’m stealing some of your pants.” Karkat tells you, moving about in your room. You make a muffled sound of acknowledgement and force your back to relax. You don’t know if any pants you have will fit him properly but it doesn’t seem to deter his quest. Eventually you feel the bed creak when he sits down next to you.

 “Alright. Let’s get that shirt off so you’re not covered in your own vomit, and so that I can treat those burns I _know_ you have.” Karkat says. You curl up and tuck your arms under body.

 “Dave. Don’t be fucking gross. Get the shirt off.” He says irritably.

 “I d’n wanna.” You say into your pillow.

 “Dave, you can put on a fresh one once you shower.” He sighs. You whine and continue to be an overall little bitch about it.

 “You’re going to get sick and I’ll probably be the one by your side giving you soup. So how about you give me a slight break and do as I say. Otherwise, you’ll get sick and those burns are going to get worse.”

 “Mmmm no.” You argue. Karkat huffs and his hands grab at your shirt, pushing it upwards.

 “Nnnnn!” You go limp and become dead weight on your shirt. _Fight me bitch_. Karkat groans loudly.

 “Damnit Dave.” He grumbles and gets up. You hear him make his way to your bathroom and you quickly peel your shirt off. You grab a cleaner one at random and tug it over your head, flopping back down onto your bed once done. Karkat comes back into your room and sighs.

 “Okay, yes, good. But no.” He comes and sits right beside you again. You roll onto your stomach once more.

 “Dave!”

 “Whaaaaat?” You whine.

 “Let me see where you hurt yourself. You’re going to get blisters.” He says. You grunt and offer up the burned arm. He mutters a thank you before pushing the sleeve up and finding the burn on your forearm. You wince and whine some more as the shirtsleeve brushes against it.

 “Well it’s too late to try and put it under cold water.” He says. You roll onto your back to help him. He digs around medkit he must have gotten from your bathroom. That one is for more serious injuries. Karkat drags up the supplies he needs and starts fixing your burn up.

 “We can start again tomorrow.” He tells you softly. You chew on your lip and nod silently.

 “Once this dries off and you’re out of the shower I can actually put some antibiotic on it and wrap you up in some gauze.” He sighs. You try and tug your arm back from his grip, but he doesn’t let you go.

 “Is there more?” Karkat looks at you. You look away, unable to lie to him nor tell him the truth.

 “Dave.” He says softly. You manage to tear your arm out of his hand. You cradle it near your chest.

 “Dave, I’m just trying to help you.”

 “I know.” You grunt. _You don’t want him to see how badly fucked up your shoulders are._

 “Then just show me. It’s fine. You can do it next time, just let me make sure it’s all okay for tonight.” He rests his hand on you calf. You shake your head, tugging the sleeve down already.

 “Dave, please. It’s not like you have anything I don’t.” He gives you a gentle nudge. You bite your lip and sigh. You push the sleeve back up, covering your shoulder with it and letting him see most of the burn.

 “Dave I can’t get to that. I can’t even fit my hand there. Just take off your shirt.” His jaw flexes and you shake your head.

 “Dave.”

 “…Please.” You whisper. _Please don’t make me do this._

 “Yeah. _Please_ take that shirt off. The sooner the better.”

 “No…” You bite at your cheek and keep those dumb tears from making a comeback. Karkat sighs, frustrated.

 “Dave, it’s just an arm. Please. I am trying my _damndest_ here so I can just get you to shower and go the fuck to sleep.” He massages his temples and you curl up. You don’t say anything in response.

 “It’s going to take me like a minute to take care of that, and another five to finish it up once you’re out of the fucking shower and dry. You can change into something with shorter sleeves if you want; I’m just very done wasting my energy on this. I am tired, cold, my head is killing me and I just want to be sure you’re alright.”

 “…Fine. Just,” You sigh shakily. “Make it quick.” You choke out.

 “Yeah.” He double checks to make sure he’s got everything he needs and then looks back at you, waiting. You take a deep breath and push the shirt up and off your body. Your hands quickly come to settle themselves back onto your shoulders, trying to cover up as much of the scars as possible. You don’t look at him and sit in silence. He curses softly and your grip tightens. The silence goes on for too long and makes you uncomfortable as fuck. Karkat’s hands lightly rest on top of yours.

 “Just hurry up and fix it.” You curl inwards on your self.

 “I’m trying to fix all that I can Dave. Even if I fix the burn…it’s still not fixing much.” His hands don’t move.

 “You _wanted_ to fix the _burn_. Just fix it.” Your skin is crawling and you want to push him away from you.

 “Dave…” You bring your knees up and closer to your chest. Karkat’s thumb traces out a scar on the back of your left hand. You had gotten it during a strife with Bro.

 “Dave.” Karkat bites his lip.

 “What?” You snap. You just want him to hurry up. You’re too exposed like this.

 “Is this…Is this how you always blow off steam?” He asks, tracing a few on your shoulders your hands can’t cover.

 “Does it matter?” You shrug.

 “Yes. It does.” He says sternly. You huff and grab the stuff to treat the burn yourself since he’s suddenly so occupied.

 “Why?”

 “What do you mean ‘Why’? My friend is _hurting himself._ What, do you think that it doesn’t matter? Or is someone hurting you? Was it anyone from school? Was it your brother?”

 “No!” You shout back. While technically speaking at least five of the scars on your body were from bad moves during strifes, you don’t want Bro to get the rap for the ones that decorate your shoulders.

 “…It’s just me.” You tell him softly. Karkat takes the stuff back from your hands.

 “Then what Dave?”

 “Then nothing, just drop it.” You want to move on already. You want to go shower and then sleep for fifteen plus hours.

 “I am _not_ dropping it. You can’t just _drop_ something like this. If it were me asking you who your crush was then fine, I’ll drop it. If I was asking who it is you got for the Secret Santa, fine, dropping it. But this, _this,_ is not something you just drop.” Karkat glares at you.

 “Well you can, _you_ just don’t want to.” Your hands fist the sheets.

 “Well I’m _not._ Oh shit, you got me. Yeah, totally got me. You found me out Dave. Now the caring police is going to take me away. I hope you’re fucking happy.” He crosses his arms.

 “Maybe _I_ just don’t want to fucking talk about it! Maybe I just want to take care of this stupid burn!”

 “The only burn that you are going to have to take care of is the one that’ll be left once you and I are done talking!” He snaps back. You groan and he puffs his cheeks out.

 “You are a shitty nurse.” You tell him.

 “Oh _I’m_ sorry. Let me go put on my uniform and we can try this again.” He says.

 “Oh yes. _Gladly_. That will fix it.”

 “Well you know what? You’re a shitty patient. Mr. I-don’t-do-as-I’m-told. Your insurance does _not_ cover sass.” Karkat rolls his eyes.

 “You’re the one who wanted me to strip!”

 “How else am I supposed to get to your damn shoulder? If I wanted you to strip, honey I would have brought the fucking pole and my change.”

 “I could have done it myself! I don’t _need_ you to be my fucking doctor!” You yell.

 “Oh, I’m _so_ sorry for trying to help. Yep. Because just a few minutes ago, you were falling all over the damn place and puking your gut out on me, sorry I can’t tell when you’re better. Fucking bipolar drunk.” He crosses his arms.

 “Oh fuck you.”

 “No, fuck you!”

 “Fuck you harder!”

 “Fuck you in the ass with whatever bottle you drank out of!”

 “Fine!” You cross your arms too. Karkat groans loudly and shoves the medical supplies back into your arms. You scramble to keep them from falling onto the floor.

 “You are unbelievable! One second you are asking for my help, and the next you want me out! Then you go and say how sorry you are, and then you’re going off about how fucking horrible I am! I _know!_ I know, _okay!?_ I am _very aware!_ I’m fucked up and there is _a lot_ of shit that you need that I _can’t do!_ Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you _fucking_ think I don’t try my damn best? Well fucking _thank you,_ Dave.” You sit in silence for a heartbeat.

 “It’s none of your business. It’s not like I’m hurting you or anything.” You say, much calmer now.

 “You don’t think it hurts? It fucking _stings._ It _hurts._ It fucking _burns_ you idiot. Knowing that I’m not good enough to help you out any better, seeing a friend of mine hurting themselves. Do you _really_ think it doesn’t fucking hurt? What do you think you’re the only one on this earth who had cried himself to sleep? That you are the only one suffering? Fuck you, Dave. I’m over here trying _so hard_ , that you don’t know when _I_ hurt. And when I hurt the worst, is when you get like this.” He says, voice softening as he goes.

 “That’s why you weren’t supposed to know. I didn’t want you to get involved with this.” You set everything down onto the bed.

 “Oh save it.” He snaps lightly.

 “Fuck off then.” You curl up again.

 “No can do. Last time I left you alone, you went on an alcoholic ride and fucking burned yourself. You are under Karkat arrest mister. Better call your brother and let him know a friend is spending the night, or I’m dragging you back to mine.”

 “Why? I can’t be alone now?” You glare at him.

 “Not tonight. I don’t mess around with this shit, Dave. I either stay or you bet you ass I’ll call a fucking hotline, who I know for sure is going to keep you in check tonight.” He says. You grit your teeth and let out a frustrated growl.

 “Okay, just what the fuck would you do if I were you huh? Would you honestly leave me alone like this? Would you Dave?” He asks.

 “Stop…Don’t fucking pull the guilt trip on me.” You press your forehead against your knees.

 “I’m not trying to guilt trip you. I want an honest answer. Would you? When I felt like scum and shit, guilty and hurt, would you leave me Dave?”

 “Why are you doing this? Just fucking stop. _Please_.”

 “No, I’m in too deep. I can’t just _stop_ caring. And maybe, that will be the death of me.” Karkat sighs.

 “Stop that.” A part of you wishes that you could turn into a thorny ball and roll away. It’d give you something else to protect yourself with.

 “Why?” He asks.

 “Because.” You mumble.

 “Because why? Do you honestly just want me to drop you? If I did would you forgive me, just like that? Oh don’t mind me Dave, I’m just going to gently drop kick you. Maybe pick you up tomorrow.”

 “Every one else does! _Why can’t you follow the system?”_

 “Because I’m pretty damn sure that if _you_ had been the one to find me like this, you would be sitting where I am now.” He tells you.

 “Stop it, you’re fucking it up.” Your hands find their way back to your shoulders, nails digging into your skin. You claw at those marks with your hands. Karkat’s own find their way back on top of yours again.

 “Dave…” It’s almost a whisper and it is filled with worry and concern.

 “You’re not supposed to care.”

 “How am I not going to care? You’re my _friend_.”

 “Because I deserve this,” Your voice wobbles a bit. “Every fuck up and mistake.”

 “ _No one_ deserves this Dave.”

 “That’s how it works.”

 “It might be how it is _now_ , but not how it _has_ to be.” He says to you.

 “That’s how it is because that’s how it works.” You tell him.

 “I sure don’t see it working for you.”

 “You aren’t supposed to give a shit.” A soft sob makes it’s way past your lips.

 “Well I do.” He gives your hands a soft squeeze.

 “Well _you’re wrong._ ” A part of you just wishes that Karkat will drop it, that he’ll stop touching you and give up.

 “So this is obviously not how it goes. You are wrong. If this is how you _think_ it should be, then you are _really_ wrong. It even sounds ridiculous. Stop thinking this way. You are _worth_ my time and you are _worth_ my care. You are _not_ worth just curling up in a ball and telling me to leave.” He says, voice soft.

 “It’s just _weak_. It’s _pathetic_. Stop poking at it.” You beg.

 “That’s why you have to stop. It is weak. It is pathetic. And you are **_not_**.”

 “Yes I am.” You pull away from his touch again. You watch him deflate with a soft sigh and draw his arms back slightly.

 “Stop caring so much. It’s not worth it, _I’m_ not worth it.” _Why can’t he understand that?_

 “You _are_ to me. Just what do I have to do to make that clear? Should I cover you up in Monopoly money, and be like ‘Ah yes, this should be enough to make it clear’? What, is me spending time with you just not going to do it? You’re _worth my time_ , Dave. I _like_ spending my time with you. I _like_ chatting with you. Even being here _right now_ , it’s not the best fun I’ve had, but I’m just happy you didn’t jump over that railing tonight.” Karkat tells you. You almost believe him.

 “The drop was too far, it would’ve hurt.”

 “And this fucking _doesn’t?_ ” He asks pointing at your shoulders.

 “This is different.” You are back on the defensive again.

 “I don’t want another scratch on you.” He sighs. You look him dead in the eye and he glares right back at you. You move your hand just a bit and drag it harshly down your arm. Karkat leans forward and grabs your hand, pulling it away.

 “What is your _fucking problem?_ Stop that!”

 “It’s my body!” You yell back.

 “Unless you’re getting tattooed, pierced, or are somehow pregnant, I don’t want to hear it.” He tells you. You bring your free hand down your other arm. Karkat takes that hand too.

 “Dave.” He gives you such a heartbroken look.

 “It’s already fucked up, there’s no reason to protect it.” You weakly try to get your hands back.

 “It’s not fucked up. Your body is fine. It just has a few scars. It’s not like it doesn’t work, and even if it didn’t, why would you harm it even more?” His grip doesn’t change.

 “Why not?” Is your lame as fuck counter point.

 “Because it’s a part of you!”

 “So?”

 “ _‘So?’_ So stop hurting yourself.”

 “I _fucking tried!_ That’s when the drugs started.” You confess. Karkat goes silent. He just stares at you like you drowned his goldfish or something.

 “I’ve tried to stop that too and it would only get _worse._ And this,” You say shakily. “This is the first fucking _time_ , I’ve managed to stay off everything, even for a little bit. And not get _completely_ fucked up the next day.” You dry your eyes on your unburned arm. You leave your face there because the tears just keep welling back up. You are really done with crying today.

 “That’s why we’re going to change that.” Karkat says. You sob quietly into your arm, hoping he doesn’t notice.

 “You can’t go hurting yourself like this and then saying you’re not worth it Dave. You can’t do this to yourself and then say you want to change unless you _mean_ _it._ ” He lets go of your hands and you rub at your face with them. He gently places his hands on your shoulders.

 “ _These_ do not make your worth go down. Being upset does not make you any less. Sure, scars are like…are like paint on a canvas. But they don’t exactly give us, or take away, our worth like it would on a painting. Don’t you _ever_ think that. And don’t you _ever_ try and tell _me_ that.” Karkat is shaking softly, his voice uneven.

 “How would you even know?” You ask.

 “I just know.” He replies.

 “Sure.” You feel drained of everything. Karkat shifts away from you and you try to peel your scars off again. You pause when you notice him pull his shirt off. He turns quickly, to keep you from seeing his chest. He shows you his back.

 “If scars took away our worth…I’d be worth nothing.” He says softly. Scars crisscross over his back. Some have faded just a bit while others are thick. There’s another slightly raised patch of skin on his arm, you reach out and gently run your fingertips over it. It’s too smooth, a burn you realize.

 “Don’t _ever_ tell me that scars make someone _any less_ ,” His voice cracks. “Don’t you _fucking dare,_ Dave. Because I know I’m worth more than that, and it took me years to realize it.” Karkat tilts his head back and sniffles. You move onto the other ones along his back, lightly tracing them. You wonder what had happened to him, if it had something to do with that ‘father’ of his.

 “Just because you have scars, it doesn’t mean you have suffered more than others. And not having any scars doesn’t mean you haven’t suffered at all.” He glances over his shoulder at you. You don’t know what to say.

 “I’m sorry.” You finally manage to whisper. Karkat pulls his shirt back on.

 “You have nothing to apologize to me for. Apologize to yourself for making you think that. Say you’re sorry for hurting yourself and ever doubting your worth, and for not finding other ways to let that anger, that sadness, all those feelings out. I’m not the one suffering from that, you are.” He turns to face you once more.

 “I…I can’t. I don’t know…Just saying it isn’t going to make me feel better.” You let your arms fall into your lap.

 “You have to apologize to yourself, and you have to learn to forgive yourself. Let anything bad out a better way. Not through blood, not through bruises, not through hitting. Not through hurting yourself, Dave.” He rests his hands on top of yours. You bite your lip and let the thought soak in.

 “…Okay.” You say. He looks up at you, _you_ the shaky, snotty, teary-eyed mess and gives _you_ a slightly reassuring smile. Karkat looks around the room for a moment and gets up. You watch him go to your computer desk and come back with a couple of markers in his hand.

 “Dave?” You look at him, then the marker and back again, confused as to what he wants to do.

 “I’m going to teach you a better way to leave marks behind.” He says sitting down next to you. Karkat pulls the cap off one of the markers and leans forward. He presses the felt tip over the skin where you had carved in the word _‘ugly’_. The marker slides across your skin as he writes something on top of it. When he leans back enough for you to read it you see his messy _‘cute as fuck’_ scrawled there. He draws something over another, you think it’s supposed to be a rabbit, and you give him a small wobbly smile.

            He writes several other things over the scarred skin. Things like, _‘funny’_ , _‘nice smile’_ , and _‘smart’_. Karkat even draws one of those silly faces that Gamzee leaves everywhere. You manage a soft laugh. He offers you the marker and picks up a new one, going to the other arm. You awkwardly draw a heart over another scar. Karkat smiles softly and continues to write sweet nothings and cute doodles over your arms.

            During all of this, you find yourself finally calming down. You write a lame comic on one arm and continue it onto the other. Karkat draws onto your chest and belly, even on your back. You hum softly, coloring in some of his blank pieces and drawing your own things next to them. He sits back in front of you and gives you a genuine smile before leaning in and drawing a small heart over the center of your chest.

            You look down at it and find your own smile tugging at your lips. Karkat caps his marker and wraps his arms around you. He gives you a soft squeeze and you place the cap over your marker as well.

 “You’re gonna get covered in marker.” You tell him.

 “You already covered me in barf, and _now_ you’re worried about covering me in ink? Fucker, I like hugs back too you know.” He says. You slowly bring your arms around him. He curls up into your arms and you carefully lean back until you are lying down.

            You cuddle up with him and sigh softly, content. Karkat rests his head on your shoulder. You can see his mind working over some thoughts. You pick up your marker and quietly remove its cap once more. You take one of his hands and draw a small heart over the back. He looks down at it and then tucks his face into your neck. You hold his hand and he laces his fingers with yours. He presses his lips gently against your burned shoulder.

 “Pass me that aloe again?” Karkat asks you softly. You nod and lean over to grab it and then hand it back to him. He finally takes care of the burn.

 “You’re not gonna call a hotline on me now, right?” You ask. He shakes his head.

 “Sorry about that. I just,” He sighs. “I’m not an expert in this sort of thing Dave, and I have to remember that. It’s as if I tried to put out a fire with you. We could probably both handle a kitchen fire, but if the entire floor were on fire, we’d have to call the firefighters.” You nod in agreement, although you don’t think you would know what to do with a kitchen fire really. The ramen incident was proof of that.

 “That, plus I have to be careful too. I’m not trained in any way to help you, and I don’t know what I’d do if I really fucked up and said the wrong thing to you.” Karkat lightly cups your cheeks.

 “Yeah.” You agree. It would be bad. He gives you one last hug before sitting up. You look up at him.

 “You um…you’re not gonna treat me like I’m some kid now, right?”  
  
 “Maybe not tomorrow, but tonight you are grounded.” He hums softly.

 “I can live with that.” You smirk. He chuckles.

 “Good. Now, go take a shower. You smell like a cocktail of aloe and baby barf.” You laugh with him.

 “Yeah, okay. And um, _you_ might wanna call Bro. I _might’ve_ told him to ignore all calls from me, if you still wanna call him.”

 “I’ll just send him a message saying it’s you. I’ll also let Kankri know I’m staying at your place,” He pauses. “If you still want me here I mean.” You nod and he smiles. He goes to get his phone from his pants and you pass him yours. You grab clean pjs and a towel before heading off to the bathroom.

            You peel off your clothes and smile softly at the doodles that decorate you. You ignore the scars over your thighs for now, and turn on the water. You get in once it isn’t colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra and hum softly. You wash your hair and scrub down your body. You get yourself clean and step back out, toweling off and pausing by the mirror once more. You are a bit sad that all your cool ink is now mostly gone. You remedy this by pulling on your clean clothes and covering up all your scars once more.

            You flip on the bathroom fan on your way out and make your way back down the hallway. You push your bedroom door open and find Karkat passed out on your bed. You smile and shake your head before creeping in. He has claimed one pillow as his, wrapping himself around it like a snake. You quietly move about your room, picking up the discarded first-aide kit. You wrap up those burns of yours up in clean bandages and set the kit back down. You crawl into bed and wrap your arms around Karkat’s waist. He rolls over and rests his head against your chest.

 “Bandages?” He mumbles bringing an arm around yours.

 “Got ‘em.” You kiss his forehead softly. He hums happily and falls back asleep. Your exhaustion catches up with you finally, and you too join him in the realm of slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	19. New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Spanish Slang/Sayings (and getting them lost in translation)  
> -Cursing  
> -Hints of past Karezi/Solkat  
> -Sexual and Physical Harassment  
> -Food

             It’s been eleven days since you fucked up and partied a bit too hard. Eleven days of sobriety and Christmas. You still aren’t sure why Karkat had still wanted you to come over and join him and Kankri for that “Noche Buena” party. You had gone though, and boy was it much smoother and easier of a party for you to handle. Then again, everything tends to feel that way when Karkat is by your side.

            The party had been fun and rather welcoming. You got to meet Rose’s girlfriend Kanaya in person, along with the rest of her family. Gamzee had even been there. He had snuck off with your lame mistletoe hat and stole a kiss from Karkat with it. You also had to give him a peck on his painted cheek just to get the hat back.

            Cronus and Bro had shown up a bit later into the party. You hadn’t thought that Bro would show up in the first place. You and Bro both had gotten these kick ass sweaters from Kankri. You had mumbled something lame and handed Karkat his, of which he had been very excited and pleased to have. You had been lucky that he didn’t actually have this particular romcom in his collection just yet.

            Karkat’s present for you had almost made you cry, and not in an ironic way too. He got you a fucking camera, a very nice and most likely expensive, camera. You could actually plug this one into your laptop unlike your old one which had been film only. You just loved it to bits, and almost totally confessed your feelings to him. Though you know if you had he would’ve taken it as a joke.

            You hadn’t held a camera in your hands for almost two years and the moment you had turned it on, you had felt that old rush of enjoyment again. You had thought you had lost the passion for it. Karkat told you, “Where there are ashes, there was a fire” after you explained it to him. Sometimes the little sayings he comes up with take you a few moments to process and figure out the meanings of.

            Some of them are way easier though. _“_ _Año Nuevo, Vida Nueva_ _”_ Karkat tells you, nudging your side and pulling you into his apartment.

 “It means _‘New year, new life’_.” He says, getting ready for the New Year’s celebration Kankri invited you to. Those words have been able to make things a bit easier to look forward to in the coming year. Everyone else takes the New Year as a fresh start, why can’t you?

            Karkat throws on another jacket and leads you back out to living room. Kankri smiles at you and the three of you head downstairs when Cronus gives him a call. You occasionally snap a few pictures here and there on your way out to his car. You have yet to really set your camera down since you got it. You just _really_ like it.

            Kankri and Karkat talk back and forth to each other in the car, you stare out the window and Cronus quietly hums to the song playing on the radio. You aren’t sure where exactly you’re going, but it’s got food. Food that Kankri and Cronus said they’d pay for. Which makes it free food, and free food is the best kind of food. Cronus points it out as he goes to find a spot to park. Karkat makes a face at it and you nod in approval.

            Cronus leads you into the almost pirate themed restaurant. _God it’s even gaudier on the inside. It’s fucking beautiful._ The waitress greets him brightly, before leading you four to a table. She makes a bit of small talk with him as she walks. Something about her makes you think of Vriska, although you can’t totally place it. It creeps you out and you immediately end that train of thought.

            You take a seat next to Karkat, sitting across from Kankri. On the wall next to you is some weird looking squid thing. You could almost compare it to a kid with how awkwardly the squid is drawn. _Is it a kid or a squid?_ You tear your eyes away when the menus are passed out. _Holy shit,_ everything one the menu basically has some sort of shitty pun. This place is absolutely beautiful.

            You place drink orders, _it’s a Coke place thank god_ , and swing your legs under the table as you look over the menu _._ Your waitress comes back and you quickly pick the most awkward sounding thing on the menu, “Kraken Jack” with “Little Swimmers”. You aren’t exactly sure what it is but it sounded beautiful together in your head. You can’t help but laugh under your breath when Karkat mumbles his order. He nudges you sharply in the side with his elbow. Kankri orders some sort of fish and chip appetizer thing, and the waitress smiles and takes your menus.

            You admire the décor a bit more before trying to plot a way to go steal a kid’s menu just for the coloring fun. You casually try to lean back and steal the one on the table behind you. Unfortunately, even at max tilt, you couldn’t quite reach the damn thing. Karkat pinches at your side and you let out a manly as fuck squeak and, luckily, fall forward. He laughs at your pout and you nudge his knee with yours.

            You bust out your camera again and take pictures of the walls and a few empty tables. Karkat looks over your shoulder as you flip through the files, picking out the ones you like the best and seeing what kind of tweaks you can do to them. This camera is fucking sick and you are just very happy to have it. You hum softly to yourself as Karkat shifts around next to you.

            When you glance up, there’s a kid’s menu in front of you. You glance over at Karkat who is intently watching another waitress walking your way. When she stops at the table next to you, his hand slips into her apron pocket and pulls out the small package of crayons that go with the menu. You glance over to Kankri and Cronus, but they’re too busy talking to each other to notice. Karkat scoots them over to you as the waitress leaves, completely unaware of the theft.

 “What?” He asks when you give him a look.

 “Dude.”

 “Shut up and let me kick your ass at the dot game.” He sticks his tongue out at you and hands you the crayons. You open the package of crayons and free them.

 “Them free.” You say and Karkat rolls his eyes. You take the orange crayon and draw down the first of the many lines in this game. He manages to fill up the board with more blue squares than you when your appetizer makes its way to the table.

            You had thought it would be more like fish and french-fries, it _is_ fish and chips after all. It seems, however, this fine establishment has a wonderful sense of humor though. You get a plate of legit American chips, plain potato salty goodness, served alongside Goldfish crackers. Karkat is unamused by the joke, Kankri is momentarily surprised, and you and Cronus laugh. _Dear god, you have to tell Bro about this place._

            You take several pictures of the dish and play around with some more settings on your nice and fancy camera. Karkat gently kicks you under the table and you look up at him. He rolls his eyes.

 “Yo?” You ask

 “I know they always tell us to take a picture because it’ll last longer, but you are getting out of hand again.” He says.

 “No I’m not. Psh, I can stop when I want to.” You cross your arms.

 “Oh really? Think you could stop now?” He raises a brow. You stick your tongue out at him and tuck your camera back away.

 “I know a lot of people may see it as rude, but since our entrees aren’t here yet, I see no problem with Dave’s picture taking.” Kankri says. Karkat groans softly and Cronus shrugs.

 “I don’t see a problem either.”

 “The problem _isn’t_ that he’s taking pictures. It’s that he’s going to waste the space in the card with nothing but pictures of chips and crackers.” Karkat huffs. You try to carefully dissect one of the Goldfish. It breaks apart before you finish and you just stuff the poor broken soul into your mouth.

 “Either that or run out of battery life before the fireworks even start.” Karkat puffs his cheeks out and crosses his arms.

 “I got another card bro, chill. I also have extra batteries.” You tell him. Kankri laughs softly.

 “We brought our own camera too Karkat.”

 “I know, but Dave takes really nice pictures.” Karkat mumbles softly. You can’t help the small smile that spreads across your lips at the praise. You also manage to successfully cut the Goldfish cracker in half this time, opening a sugar packet and filling one half of the fish. You give Karkat an eyebrow wiggle in response to his silent question of _“What the fuck are you doing?”_ You enjoy your sugar filled half Goldfish and Karkat steals the non-sugared one.

            Kankri and Cronus return to their soft talking to each other as you and Karkat go about splitting more Goldfish in half. After almost all of them had been slain in the great battle, Karkat looks around the place.

 “Any idea when our food is coming?” He asks no one in particular. “Or do I have to stuff my face with _just_ over salty chips and stale Goldfish?”

 “Who knows?” You shrug. You have moved onto mixing various jellies on the table together onto the split Goldfish.

 “That table ordered right before us so we should be next.” Kankri says, looking over at the table next to you.

 “Or knowing our luck, we’ll be here until after midnight.” Karkat huffs.

 “Dude chill, we got fireworks at my place too if we miss ‘em.” You tell him.

 “Yeah but still, it’s not the same.” He replies.

 “Karkat, there is _plenty_ of time before midnight.” Kankri reminds him. A glance at your phone confirms this as well.

 “You will get your fireworks, don’t worry. If you’d like, you two can go stand outside if it comes to that.” He continues.

 “Yeah Karkat.” You wiggle your strawberry and grape jelly Goldfish cracker sandwich at him. Karkat whines.

 “Still not the same if we watch them on the sidewalk.” He says with a pout.

 “It’s like not even ten bro, relax.” You tell him.

 “I know.” He huffs. Kankri shakes his head.

 “How about this, once you two are done with your meal, you can head out and find a nice spot while Cronus and I continue to look for the Maryams. Porrim told me she’d be out around here tonight.”

 “I’m down for that.” You nod and look over at Karkat. He hums softly and considers it.

 “Alright, sure. Same place you like your picnics at or?” Karkat asks Kankri.

 “Wherever it works best for you.” He replies with a shrug.

 “I know a good place.” You offer. They look over at you. Kankri smiles over at you and nods, giving you his blessing.

 “Alright, perfect,” Karkat says. “Now all we need is for the damn waitress to bring us our fucking foo—” He quickly grabs a handful of the chips and stuffs them into his mouth as your waitress arrives at your table. She looks deadbeat tired but smiles as she passes out your plates.

            You all politely thank her and she goes to refill drinks at another table. Karkat makes a face at his and pokes at it a bit, mumbling something about the picture being different. Kankri casually puts more seasoning onto his food, trying to act like he’s not for some reason. You figure it’s so he doesn’t ‘offend’ the chef or something. Cronus has an order to his food. He’s rearranged it so that nothing is touching. You just shrug to yourself and start eating.

            You had been hungrier than you had thought because the next thing you know, you’re about halfway done with the burger and fries. Karkat nudges you softly and offers you a bite of what he got. You lean down and take the piece off his fork. He smiles softly and waits for your opinion on it.

 “S’good.”

 “Yeah huh? I don’t even remember what it is.” He says. You gesture to yours and he looks over at it before nodding. You cut a piece off and he leans in a bit, opening his mouth. _Wow okay, not going there brain. Hush._ You can just tell that you are probably red as fuck when you finally feed him the piece. You are also aware of Cronus snickering softly at you. Karkat hums and nods in approval of your choice and you awkwardly nod back and shove more of the food into your mouth.

            You manage to finish up what you have gotten when Karkat slings his jacket on and stares at Kankri. You fish out your wallet and slip a ten onto the table. Cronus and Kankri might have paid for the food, but you are tipping for yours regardless. Your waitress is working on New Year’s Eve and is still smiling. She fucking deserves a tip. Kankri finally looks over at Karkat and gives him a playful little smile.

 “Oh, but don’t you want dessert?” He asks.

 “Nah, you already packed my bag with snacks. So, in case my sweet tooth decides to fight me, I have that.” Karkat says.

 “Alright. I’ll call you and let you know where we can all meet. You two be safe and have fun.” Kankri gives you both a little nod. Karkat stands up and swings his bag over his shoulders.

 “Yessir.” You say, stretching and standing up. Karkat nods in agreement and waves at Kankri and Cronus. He quickly makes his way out and you do your best to catch up to him.

            Karkat zips up his jacket and pulls on the gloves that Kankri got him for Christmas on. He makes a face at his gloved hands and you step closer and link your arms together. You fall into step with Karkat’s stride.

 “So where is this place of yours?” He asks.

 “A bit a ways.” You hum happily. Your camera has made yet another appearance in your hands and you casually take pictures of buildings, alleyways, and garbage on the sidewalk. You try to avoid too many pictures of people mostly because you don’t have their permission to take pictures of them. Karkat only gets a bit frustrated when you have to stop in order to get the picture just right. You snap a picture of him when he’s not looking and quickly take another before he can see it.

            You make another stop to take a picture of a bird trying to make off with a chip on the ground. Karkat’s hand sneaks around your waist as he watches over your shoulder. He chuckles softly against your ear when he realizes what you just took a picture of. You hum and smile softly.

 “We’re almost there.” You tell him.

 “Good.” He says, very gently brushing his hand down against the burn on your arm. It’s healing up nicely.

            You lead him into the park; it’s one that you used to frequent a lot as a kid. Karkat looks around and you head straight for the jungle gym. He follows behind you as you pass over the sand and onto the metal and plastic structure. You tuck your camera back into its safe little bag and grab onto the monkey bars. You swing yourself forward and hook your legs onto another bar. Karkat leans against the support post and watches you. You hang upside down next to him.

 “How’s it hanging Peter Parker?” He asks.

 “Better with my Gwen Stacy than I was with my Mary Jane.” You joke. He looks up at you.

 “Who would be who?”

 “Well, MJ would be _mj_. I’d ask if you wanna be Gwen but y’know.” You sneak your camera out of its bag when he nods and smiles, looking back around the area.

 “You could always be Deadpool too.” You tell him, getting the camera just right. He laughs and you quickly snap the picture. He snaps his head over to you after the flash goes off.

 “Dave. No. Give me that!” He tries to grab at your camera. You keep it out of his reach and pull yourself up on the monkey bars, sitting comfortly on top of them.

 “Nope.” You tell him, putting it back into its bag.

 “Dave.” Karkat says, crawling up onto the structure and getting up onto the bars with you. You carefully scoot back but he still manages to get over to you. He clings tightly onto your arms, careful of the healing burn. You clutch at the bars next to you to help keep you both somewhat stable. He rests his chin onto your chest.

 “Dave, delete that.”

 “Nah.” You smile.

 “Fine. Here, let me see it.” He reaches for the camera bag. You retaliate by laying back down against the bars. He squeals in minor fear, grip tightening. You laugh and he pouts up at you. _Fuck not the sad puppy eyes._

 “No way. You’ll delete it.”

 “I won’t have to if you do.” He says. You roll your eyes and drag it back out. You keep it close to yourself and take another picture of him. He has to blink several times because of the flash again.

 “Dave!” He screeches at you. You snicker. Karkat manages to snatch the camera out of your hands. He leans back and takes a picture of you. He rests back down with you and you watch as he flips through the files.

 “When was this?” Karkat demands when he finds a few more pictures of himself.

You smile and don’t reply. He rolls his eyes and checks how many files are on your card right now.

 “You haven’t had this for two weeks and you have over one hundred pictures Dave. How?”

 “I ‘unno. Just do.” You shrug. He hums and flips through the rest before he leans up again. You smile for the camera as he takes another picture of you. He turns the camera a bit, changing the angle and clicking again.

 “Come on Dave, make love to the camera.” He teases with a smile. You laugh and change your position slightly.

 “If you really want me to.” You say.

 “Work it Dave.” He laughs. You drag your tongue across your lip, _click,_ bite down on your lower lip, _click,_ and blow him a kiss, _click._ He smiles softly and takes a few more as you switch over to making funny faces at the lens. Karkat lays back down on top of you and shows you the shots he got.

 “Looks good.” You snicker. He hands you back the camera and you quickly take another picture of him. He rolls his eyes but doesn’t complain this time. He shifts around carefully, moving so his back is pressed against your chest. Karkat takes your camera once more and holds it up as high as he can above you. _Click_. You kiss the top of his head as he brings the camera back down to assess the picture. He hums happily and locks it. He sits up and passes you back the camera before climbing down the bars.

 “Where are you going now?” You ask, tucking it away safely.

 “I’m getting cold and the freezing bars on my ass are not helping my case.” Karkat says. He makes his way out of the sandy area and over to a clearing. You swing down and catch up with him.

            He drops his bag off against a tree and digs around inside it for the blankets he had stashed in there. You look around and he unfolds and sets them on the ground. You join him when he sits down and leans back against the tree.

 “You know, this is almost kind of romantic.” Karkat says.

 “Yeah.” You rest your head against his shoulder. His head taps against yours and the two of you look up at the sky.

 “We just need the spaghetti and the Italian band.” You say. Karkat laughs softly.

 “Who’s the lady and who’s the tramp here?”

 “Obviously you are the lady. I’m the tramp.” You tell him.

 “That’s what I thought.” He snickers.

 “Ow. Wounded.” You laugh with him. He hums softly and the two of you enjoy the silence that briefly falls between you. The sky would look so much better without all the light pollution of the city. You would be able to see the stars better.

 “Hey Dave?” Karkat asks after awhile. You shift to properly look at him.

 “Yeah?”

 “Have you ever been in love?” He asks, chewing his lip. You hum and think about it. Currently, you like to think that you are in love with Karkat. _You are pretty certain you are in fact._

 “I know it’s a really dumb question, and it’s completely out of the blue, but humor me.” He adds.

 “Well…Not before? Sort of.” You say uncertainly.

 “I know you said you had a boyfriend once.” He looks over at you.

 “I don’t think it counted?”

 “Because it only lasted a few days?” He asks.

 “Sorta. I mean, I liked him, I thought he was cute but I was definitely more interested in what he was packing.” You lean back onto your arms. _It had been another reason you and John never really worked out._

 “Ah,” Karkat nods. “I had a girlfriend like that once.” He makes a face.

 “Oh?” _You hadn’t known he had a girlfriend._ He nods.

 “But I don’t think it mattered too much?”

 “Why’s that?”

 “Because I wasn’t really in love with her?” He says.

 “Mmmm.” You hum in response.

 “Oh sure, it hurt when I found out the truth about her and all the shit she did. But I don’t know. Shit seems to hurt so much more when you are actually in love with someone. Because you just feel more I guess. If they snap at you, it hurts more than if a friend did, or if they lie, if you suspect things. You know?” He says, drawing his knees to his chest and resting his arms on them.

 “Yeah.” You nod. He plays with his hands and sits in silence. You feel like he wants to share and talk to you.

 “So what happened? Who was she?” You decide to press the matter.

 “When I used to live with my dad, Kankri and I would miss out on a lot of school. So I was always kind of awkward around people, even if they were my friends. But a lot of them made it easy to keep in contact with. They’d send me the homework I needed, tell the teacher I was sick or out of town, and let me borrow their notes.” Karkat looks up at the sky.

 “Sounds like good friends.” You say. He nods.

 “Some of the best, yeah. Whenever I went back, it was as if I had never even left. They always made me feel welcome, made sure I was caught up with my work and with them.” He hums. It reminds you a lot of how your friends are. How they treated you after you had come back.

 “I moved in with Kankri the summer before freshman year. So I caught up with all my school junk online and was ready to start in August. Freshman year was one of my first years at school for real. Like if I didn’t show up it was because I was really fucking sick.” Karkat tells you.

 “Full time student then huh?”

 “Yeah. And well, as you know, a single summer can do wonders to a fourteen year old.”

 “Oh god, it was horrible.” You groan in agreement.

 “All of my friends started dating each other and finding partners and well, I started to feel a bit out of the loop.” He sighs. You remember that feeling quite well. You had thought it was super annoying that everyone was too busy getting their mack on instead of wanting to hang out.

 “I had this small crush on Terezi. When she came out and told me that she thought I was cute, well, I was jumping around like fucking Rudolph in that fucking Claymation movie.”

 “Oh boy.” You laugh. Karkat shakes his head at you.

 “She asked me out later that week and, even though I was kind of excited, I was really nervous too. I had no idea what I had to do, besides the stuff I saw in movies and what not. Movies always make it seem _so_ easy. Like sure, date your best friend, do it. You already know them, why not? What could fucking go wrong? But oh no, dating is a whole other thing. It’s nothing like being friends. You think you know a person but no. She used to be fun. Sure she had been a bit of a bitch, but she was fun.”

 “And she changed?” You ask.

 “People don’t change Dave, you just get to know them better. And they get to know themselves too,” He sighs. “The closer she was, the more abusive she got. She learned more stuff to pick on me about and tease me with. Shit that you don’t tease people about. She’d nudge me harder and shove me around a bit more since we were spending more time together. It was nothing out of her character, but it was just starting to get to be too much for me.” Karkat rests his chin on top of his arms.

 “That’s fucked up.” You mumble.

 “My first kiss with her wasn’t even a first kiss, it was like a first make out. So after she got her fill with those, she just wanted something more. She started getting kind of handsy.”

 “With her fucking raptor claws?” You try not to imagine it. Karkat sighs and nods.

 “I…I sort of wanted to touch her back but, I don’t know. I would get too nervous or not know where to put my hands.” He looks at them.

 “Yeah.” You know what that is like.

 “So she would whine and complain about it.”

 “That’s lame as fuck.” _What a bitch_.

 “We had this huge argument and so we stopped talking for a few days. It wasn’t until winter formal that we started talking again. She had come over to my table and asked me to follow her. I thought she wanted to make up with me…” Karkat trails off for a moment. You aren’t liking where this is going. While you know you shouldn’t jump to conclusions, you still don’t like this one bit.

 “She ended up just pushing me in a closet with her, shoving her tongue down my throat and her hand down my pants.”

 “That’s…not nice.” You don’t know what to say exactly.

 “I shoved her back and ran out. I just ran until I couldn’t breathe and called someone to pick me up… After that I found out that her and Vriska had made a bet. They were trying to see who would lose their virginity first with the boy they assigned each other. Vriska picked me for Terezi, and she gave Vriska someone of her choice.” He curls up into a small ball.

 “Oh yeah. Right. _That_ thing.” You remember that incident. Karkat looks over at you, waiting for you to explain.

 “I heard about it. Well, Vriska’s side. From John. So more of John’s side I guess?” John had been thrilled and wasn’t even the slightest bit bothered by it being a result of a bet, though you suppose it had something to do with them continuing to date afterwards.

 “I bet.” Karkat mumbles.

 “I don’t know what he sees in her.” You sigh.

 “Maybe he just likes his passionate and independent women. But also his bitchy and rude ones too.” He says. You nod in agreement. You will never understand John and Vriska, but they’re happy.

 “So yeah.” Karkat hums.

 “I hate her.” You say, offering him your hand. He reaches out and takes your hand. You lace your fingers together and give his hand a gentle squeeze.

 “After that I was always known as ‘being in the closet’, even though I was pretty much out to my friends.”

 “That’s such a _lame ass_ joke.” You roll your eyes. Karkat shrugs.

 “Even my friends joked about it liked that. Of course they took it a bit more seriously.”

 “How?”

 “The next party we had, they all decided to play seven minutes in heaven. They did the whole name in the hat thing. I swear they all wrote my name at least three times each. I must have spent about an hour and a half in there all together. Sometimes it was back to back too. I was very uncomfortable in there. You saw how I got in the elevator.”

 “I bet.” You nod.

 “Now imagine me in a crowded closet. Nothing major happened, thank god.” He says. You breathe a soft sigh of relief.

 “Nepeta got a seven minute long hug, I got rained on by Equius and his sweat. Feferi had a giggle fit. It was all right until Sollux’s name got pulled out. I was the most comfortable with him. Since the two of us are kind of small, there was enough room for me to breathe. We were still pressed up against each other but it was kind of just like an awkward hug.” Karkat chews his lip thoughtfully.

 “…Then?” You ask softly.

 “Then I kind of rested my chin on his chest and pulled out a lame ass joke. He didn’t laugh. Instead he took my face in his hands and gave me a kiss.” He says. You nod quietly, listening. You still don’t like Sollux either way.

 “It was…it was very nice. _Very_ different than what Terezi would always plant on me. It was a different feeling.” He uncurls, stretching his legs out in front of him. You hum and absentmindedly trace your teeth with your tongue.

 “He leaned back and asked me to be his boyfriend.” Karkat says.

 “And you said yes.” You say.

 “I didn’t say shit actually, I was extremely nervous really. I just nodded like an idiot.” He says. You rub your thumb over his knuckles.

 “We climbed out of the closet and he was holding my hand. He told them off when my name was called out again.”  Karkat hums softly and you nod.

 “Yeah.” Is all you can think to say.

 “Again, I don’t think I was in love with him either, but fuck… That had still hurt. The first time we broke up, it was because he got out of line while at another party. He was shitfaced and told me off for not going to the next step with him. He got too close and told me some gross ass shit. So I punched him in the face and went home.”

 “Good.” You say. You are a firm believer in doing what you need to, to make gross people harassing you go away. If that means a swift punch in the face or a knee to a groin, it’s okay. You might not get away with it in court, but you feel it’s all right morally.

 “And then I got back with him the week after that.” Karkat says, almost like he was somewhat ashamed of it. You shake your head slightly. _It’s none of your business anyway._

 “All was much better the second time around. He was much nicer, never crossed a line. He made me feel special…loved. He made me feel cared for… And then out of the blue, I was sat down by some friends and they told me that I was being cheated on.”

 “…Yeah.” You recall him telling you this.

 “I asked him about it and he didn’t even try to deny it. He told me how sorry he was.” Karkat hunches forward slightly and you give him a reassuring hand squeeze again.

 “He said that the other person meant nothing to him. But that was bullshit. I just broke it off, all of it. Some friends sided with him, some with me. But I didn’t want a fight. I just wanted him and I to never be anything again. I blocked him here and there, stopped messaging him, never answered a call from him,” He shrugs. “I hadn’t heard from him until last time when we saw him at the mall and at Feferi’s.” You hum and think about how that must have been like for him.

 “We talked a bit then, told me a bit more about his side and asked me to forgive him… He even asked me for another chance.”

 “…What did you say?” You find that you are tensing up. _You’re definitely not jealous or anything, nope._

 “I didn’t answer. I saw you pass by with a bottle in your hand and I had to go take care of that.” He says looking over at you. You still feel sorry about that, maybe not the interrupting Sollux part, but the rest you are.

 “Oops.” You say with an edge of sarcasm. Karkat laughs softly and rests his head on your shoulder.

 “I doubt I’ll ever go back to that. I deserve better.”

 “Fuck yeah, you do.” You agree.

 “You and I both do. We deserve nice things. We both deserve a fresh start.” He smiles softly at you and gives your hand a squeeze back.

 “Yeah, it’d be nice.” You hum. Karkat nods and you look up at the skyline.

 “You’ll be sure to stay clean, I’ll try to be more helpful. Maybe a bit nicer to others hell, maybe find myself a decent partner. That or treat myself to a new romcom whenever I feel like I need that.” He says with a soft laugh.

 “Yeah.” You snicker back.

 “Are you wearing your red underwear?” He asks you.

 “What?” You look down at him.

 “Did you put on red underwear for tonight?”

 “Why?” You ask bewildered.

 “For good luck in love! You put on red underwear tonight so that you have good luck all of next year with romantic relationships.” Karkat tells you.

 “Who came up with that?” You don’t see how that would work.

 “Um, I don’t know? It’s for good luck.”

 “Why _red_ underwear? Why not green or black? Why is it red?” You try to wrap your brain around it.

 “’Cause red is the color of passion. If you want luck with money you wear green.”

 “Oh my god.” _Okay yeah, that makes sense._

 “It’s like the luggage thing.”  
  
 “Luggage thing? What luggage thing?” You stare at him. He stares back at you just as confused as you are. _Culture clash one-oh-one._

 “…You grab your luggage and run around the block with it?”

 “Why?” You ask.

 “You’re supposed to get lucky and be able to travel the next year. Don’t you guys have anything like that?” He counters.

 “No?”

 “The twelve grapes?”  
  
 “What the fuck do grapes have to do with this?”

 “You eat a grape for each time the bell rings when it’s midnight.” Karkat sighs softly.

 “Why?”

 “If you eat them all before the last bell rings your wish comes true. You can do the wish twelve times or twelve different ones.” He tells you.

 “Oh. That’s still a bit odd but that’s pretty cool, even your luggage thing and colorful underwear.”

 “You can’t tell me that you don’t have any superstitions of your own or any good luck charms.” He crosses his arms and looks at you.

 “All I know, is the kiss at midnight.” You shrug. _Or a big bro hug between you and Bro._

 “Everyone does the kiss thing though. Well, everyone who has someone to kiss does.” Karkat hums. You nod in agreement. The two of you look up at the sky.

 “How desperate are you to get a man next year?” Karkat asks you.

 “Oh thanks.” You roll your eyes and huff softly.

 “No I’m serious,” He looks back over at you. “Like would you wear red underwear? Shove twelve grapes in your mouth? Kiss me tonight?” It takes you a moment to process what he said.

 “Well, I’m not wearing red and I don’t see any grapes but…I um…” You try to swallow back the sudden nerves, but it seems as if your heart has lodged itself in your throat. _You got this Strider._

 “I-I wouldn’t um…I wouldn’t mind the uh, y’know…the-the uh kiss thing.” _Yep. It is you. You are the smoothest motherfucker ever._ Karkat turns bright red and laughs nervously with you.

 “Yeah, the kiss thing.” He says.

 “I-I mean um we…we uh d-don’t have to if you uh…if you don’t want to.” You manage to stumble out.

 “Um…No, it’s fine. I um I would like that. We both need all the luck we can get.” Karkat gives you a soft smile, still red in the face. You laugh nervously again.

 “Yeah.” You smile back. He rests his head on your shoulder and you check your phone for the time. _11:30 pm, you have a half-hour to prepare yourself._

 “I think it’s going to be a good year.” He mumbles softly.

 “I hope so.”

 “It will. New year, new life. _Año Nuevo, Vida Nueva._ ” He gives your hand a squeeze and you laugh quietly.

 “We got this.” Karkat reassures you.

 “Y-yeah.”

 “We deserve a nice break.” He says. You nod and look back up at the stars. Karkat shifts so that he’s curled up against your side. The two of you never get up to go look for Kankri, instead you sit there and listen to each other breathe and look up at the stars. It’s nice. You enjoy the peace between you. You glance down at your phone for the time after a while.

 “11:59.” You read out loud.

 “Huh?” Karkat looks over at your phone when you show him. The clock ticks over to 12 am and you laugh nervously.

 “Op. Midnight.” You say. You can hear loud cheering in the distance, fireworks being set off somewhere nearby. Karkat jumps slightly at the first thundering boom.

            You glance up at the colorful lights before looking back down at Karkat. He leans closer to you and you can feel yourself getting full of those stupid butterflies. _Dumb butterflies and how they restrict your chest and make you think you’re panicking when you know you aren’t._ You meet him halfway, his free hand lightly cupping your cheek before pressing his lips to yours. You cling to the hand you’re still holding, _holy hell he’s actually kissing you,_ kissing him softly. You hope he can’t feel how fast your heart is going or how you totally forgot how to breathe for a few seconds there.

            Karkat’s hand on your face slides down and rests on your shoulder, moving his lips gently against yours. You bring your free arm around his waist holding him closer to you. You hope you aren’t putting too much into it, but at the same time you are hoping that he can tell how much you love him. His fingers slide up through your hair as he pecks your lips one last time and leans back. You are ninety percent sure that you are smiling like an idiot.

 “Wow. Uh wow.” You whisper, giving him a bit more space and leaning back as well. Karkat smiles back softly and you laugh softly. _He kissed you._

 “Best first kiss. Ever. Hands down.” You say. You didn’t think he could get any redder.

 “Come on Dave, I’m not _that_ good.”

 “You have essentially ruined anyone’s shot at ever kissing me. Because that was _really_ nice. And I should totally shut up.” You stare at the ground. _Why hello dirt, lovely evening isn’t it?_

 “Oh. Well then, that’s good. Um. We should go look for Kankri and Cronus.” Karkat says chewing his lip. You clear your throat.

 “Y-yeah.” You help him fold up the blankets and stuff them back into the bag. Karkat smiles up at you.

 “Thanks for the kiss Dave,” He says softly. “Good luck this year.” He starts heading back the way you came

 “Y-yeah. You uh…you too!” You say standing there for a moment until you remembered you had to go back with him. You quickly jog after him and catch up.

            You two watch several other sets of fireworks go off as you make your way back to the main streets. You _really_ want to hold Karkat’s hand and, with the words of Shia LaBeouf _‘Just Do It!’_ , you reach out and grab his hand once more. He glances down at your hands and smiles, lacing your fingers together. You are on top of the world right now and you smile widely, gently swinging your arms together.

            You finally catch up to Kankri and Cronus. Karkat lets go of your hand before you get in their range of vision. Kankri swoops Karkat up into a tight hug and they softly whisper to each other.

 “Happy New Year, Dave.” Kankri says, letting go of Karkat. You try to calm the too wide smile on your face and nod at him.

 “Happy New Year.”  You say as he wraps you up in his arms as well. Karkat and Cronus wish each other good luck in the upcoming year, and you pat Kankri’s arms lightly until he lets go of you.

 “Happy New Year.” You say as you turn to Cronus. He gives you a knowing smile but doesn’t say anything. Kankri leads the way back to the car, talking softly to Karkat. You try not to eavesdrop on their conversation, not that you can understand what exactly they’re talking about with the way the slip in and out of English and Spanish. You walk next to Cronus.

 “Already got good luck huh?” He says quietly.

 “What do you mean?” You ask. Karkat glances over his shoulder at you and gives you a small smile. Cronus chuckles softly.

 “How lucky?” He nudges you. You turn thirty-one shades of red and find yourself avoiding looking over at him.

 “Hmm?” Cronus urges. You chew your lip and kick a rock.

 “Just a kiss.” You murmur, afraid to say it too loud and break whatever good luck you have right now.

 “Good for you.” Cronus nudges you again, genuinely happy for you. You just want to get in the car, and when it’s close enough you quickly climb into the backseat.

            Karkat gets in and sits on the other side, Kankri talking about all the good things the new year has in store for everyone. You don’t really pay any attention to him and slide your hand across the seat over to Karkat’s. You casually hook your pinkies together and smile into your free palm when he doesn’t pull his hand away.

            Cronus pulls up to the complex and you and Karkat are quick to hop out of the car. _Gotta give those two actual love birds some space_. You wait in the lobby with Karkat. You two bump hands on accident when reaching for the call button for the elevator. You laugh softly and let him push the button. He looks over at you and you rub at the back of your neck. Karkat snickers and you bite at your cheek to keep from smiling when Kankri comes in.

            Kankri is quick to push your respective floor numbers when he gets in the elevator. You lean up against the handle on one side, Karkat standing next to you. You look over at him and smile. He lights up like a Christmas tree, and smiles back. You want to reach for his hand again, you want to kiss his blushing face and hold him close. It takes you a moment to process Karkat’s wave at you. When you glance around you realize you have made it to your floor.

 “Good night Dave.” Karkat says.

 “Good night.” Kankri nods with him. You wave and almost back into the button panel. You laugh at your own stumbling.

 “G-good night.” You get out, running your hand through your hair. Karkat laughs softly and waves until the doors slide shut. You wait a moment and let out the loud excited yell you had been holding in.

 “HE KISSED ME!” You yell at no one. You could care less about your neighbors hearing as you laugh and scream happily. You run down the hallway and fling your door open.

 “Holy shit!” You yell. Bro flings himself upright, kunai in hand.

 “God damn it Dave.” He sighs in relief. You shut the door gently behind you in apology for almost cracking it open. Bro throws the kunai onto the table.

 “The hell’s gotten into ya kid?”

 “New year.” You say.

 “Yeah? Ya sure are puttin’ the ‘happy’ innit.” He says. You smile widely. _Karkat kissed you._ Bro shakes his head and smiles slightly back.

 “C’mere you.” He beckons you over and you almost run over to him. He pulls you into a brotherly side hug.

 “Happy New Year.” You say, bringing your own arms around him.

 “Happy New Year to ya too.” He hums. You try to squeeze him as tight as you can, which he responds by doing the same. As usual it leaves you tapping out and him chuckling.

 “Now tell me, what’s with that smile?” Bro releases you from his anaconda death squeeze.

 “Nothing, just happy.” You tell him. _He kissed you!_

 “Well, tha’s a good start,” He ruffles your hair. “Now go clean up and get yer ass t’bed. Ya got chores in the mornin’.”

 “Very good start. Yes. Oh my god. Yeah.” You laugh. You are practically vibrating from happiness. Bro raises a questioning brow but doesn’t say anything. You go do as you’re told and get ready for bed.

 “He kissed me.” You whisper to yourself as you kick off your clothes and swap them for pajamas. You flop down on your bed and stare at the ceiling.

 “He kissed me.” You cover your face with your hands. _Fuck, you have it bad._ You roll over and grab your phone.

  ** _‘happy new year’_ ** You text Karkat.

  ** _‘HAPPY NEW YEAR DAVE.’_** He sends back.

**_‘thanks for the kiss’_**

**_‘ANY TIME.’_**   You guess you had made it very clear then. Your phone rapidly buzzes three more times after that.

**_‘WAIT.’_ **

**_‘FUCK.’_ **

**_‘YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!’_** You laugh. Maybe your little crush is still a secret after all.

**_‘same to you’_ **

**_‘get a smooch whenever you want’_**   You bite your lip, hoping that wasn’t too strong.

**_‘MAYBE IF YOU PAY FOR THE MOVIE AND DINNER FIRST.’_ **

**_‘WE’LL SEE.’_**   You smile.

 ** _‘of course <3’_**  You groan softly to yourself, _darn those pesky hearts._

**_‘GO TO BED DAVE.’_ **

**_‘goodnight karkat’_ **

**_‘GOOD NIGHT DAVE, SWEET DREAMS.’_ **

**_‘sweet dreams’_ **

**_‘ <3’_** Karkat sends you. You barely cover your face with a pillow before you make a loud happy noise.

 ** _‘ <3’_**  You send back. You plug your phone in and curl up on your bed. _He kissed you._ You fall asleep and dream of a much happier future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/
> 
> \--  
>  Sorry for the long break everyone, I went on a small family vacation. Every place we would go to eat was a Pepsi place, so I was very happy to be home with my Coke establishments when I got back.


	20. The Other Shoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Negative thoughts  
> \- Mentions of drug use  
> \- Mention of alcohol use  
> \- Mentions of self harm  
> \- Mentions of cutting  
> \- Hinted suicide mention  
> \- Hateful slurs  
> \- Depressive thoughts  
> \- Scars  
> \- Burning  
> \- Domestic Abuse

            You are up on cloud nine and you are pretty sure that you don’t want off this thing just yet. Nope. You bought a one-way ticket and to be honest you don’t know how to fly it, nor land it for that matter, and you don’t care. Karkat makes this cloud do fucking loops, twists, and turns. Six Flags ain’t got shit on this, bro. You probably look like fucking Goku riding that shit around. You hope that no one needs you because this thing is just flying around out of control, just like your thoughts.

            Karkat’s kiss keeps replaying in the back of your mind all hours of the day. It’s like sweet background music that _actually_ goes with the atmosphere. It’s a song stuck on repeat and you have no problem with it. You can’t get over how warm his lips felt against yours, how sweet he made it feel and the way he fit perfectly in between your arms.

            Every time you’re with him you just want to word vomit all over his lap and tell him how you are feeling. You want to admit that, yes, you are _in love_ with him. You want to tell him that when he holds your hand you want him to be so much closer. You want to confess to him that when he kissed you, you finally knew how bad you wanted to do it over and over and over again. You want to be his and you would like him to be yours.

            You know the two of you have a strange relationship. You two are almost always cuddled up together, you hold hands, kiss each other’s foreheads and cheeks, and even sometimes tease each other in certain ways that you know you wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone else doing it. It’s like you have this beta version, a free-trial, of what it could be. _So why not make it official?_

            After weeks of thinking about this, too many times really, school started and with that came more people to be a part of the story you guess. Your friends seem to notice that you are with them physically, however mentally you’re off somewhere else. They’ll tell you that you seem distracted, press their hands against your love-struck face, and snap you back into reality and out of your daydreams. You can’t help it. You have it _bad_.

            Karkat can also tell you seem distracted. He’ll blush when he catches you staring at his lips and asks if there’s something on his face. You’ll lean in a bit closer and pretend to brush something off his face, then frown and tell him, “Sorry dude, you have cute all over your face and I can’t take it off.” The first time you used that line, he got so red he looked like a summer sunset.

            Of course, he tried to play it off and wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling his cheek against yours and telling you, “Here have it back, it must’ve fallen off of you.” You had cupped his face in your hands and looked down at him. You would have stolen a kiss and then told him everything, but fate hated you. Bro had busted into the room with all his gear in hand. Karkat had jumped and looked the other way, pretending like he had been buried in his history book, which had left you with having to help Bro out with his shit.

            That was all right though, because seeing Karkat’s eyes light up like they did then had made you realize that Karat must be feeling _something_ similar. You started to pay more attention to his own actions and you noticed that you always seem to steal his breath away when you get close. It’s fair though, he stole yours first after all. Whenever you wrap your arms around him he usually leans into your touch and wraps his back around your neck almost instantly. He’ll press his forehead against yours and smile back any time you offer him a smile.  He’s made it very clear that he is iffy about physical contact, yet here he is so close to you that you can feel the rise and fall of his chest against yours when you cuddle close after school.

            Neither of you have talked about or even mentioned the kiss since it happened, but you are at your breaking point. The kiss didn’t confirm anything, but it did make it obvious that you are head over heels for him. _And you are going to tell him._ You glance over at your clock and it shows you a bright green, 4:45 A.M. It’s too late, _too early,_ to try and tell him right now. You’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

            _Late!_ You are _so_ late!You are so fucking late that Karkat didn’t answer his door when you knocked this morning. He must have left without you. If you leave now, you won’t be late to class but you would miss out on the breakfast time you have before school starts. Which means you can’t look for him then. You’d have to wait until lunch to find him. _That’s all right though_ , you decide as you make a break for the school. You will be much calmer by lunch and you’ll have a chance to really think about what you want to say to him.

            Should you kiss him and then tell him, or tell him and then kiss him? Those romcoms of his have shown you all sorts of ideas but none of them are helping you right now. You are getting wound up and nervous. _What if he says no? What if he’s really not interested? What if he doesn’t like you that way or if he’s been toying with you?_ You really doubt he’d play you like this. He treats you so well and it’s something he wouldn’t like done to him, so he would never do it to you. _Right?_

            _What if Karkat doesn’t want to date someone who drinks?_ Shit. He has mentioned that shit before, right? He has said he didn’t like it when Sollux got drunk off his ass, and he’s made it very damn clear that he didn’t want you doing it either. _Same with all those drugs, he doesn’t want you on them._ That’s cool though. You’ve been drug free since like October and alcohol free since December 21 st. Plus, it’s not like you drink just to drink. Well, you guess everyone has their own reasons to drink. But it’s a fresh start! He said so himself. So in his book, you’re all clean. _Right?_ It _is_ the second week of January, so it might not count for much. You’ll just need to be really good for him. No drinking, no drugs, no _other_ bad habits. You make it into school and quickly sit in your homeroom.

            He’s seen you at your worst and he was still there for you. He still _is_ here. Karkat must be interested right? Shit. _What if he’s just here because he feels sorry for you? What if you mess up again and he gives up on you? What if you can’t make him happy?_ You’re still not fixed. You’re just somewhat taped up with lame scotch tape and elbow grease for shine. _You’re all messed up._ _You’re nothing,_ and you can’t think of anything you could try to offer him besides what you’ve already given him. _He doesn’t deserve that._ _He deserves better and wants better. You are not worth his love._

            How could you _think_ that he could love you? _You are a fucking horrible person._ You drink, you use drugs, you are tremendously horrible at school, and you have a bad temper. You can lose your cool in five seconds and snap at others. You don’t have a fucking job, _how would you take him out on dates?_ Shit, you don’t even have your fucking driver’s license! _How could anyone love you? How could you expect anyone to ever fall in love with you, let alone look up to you, or even be proud of you._ You catch yourself pinching your inner arm and try to calm down. You know where these thoughts lead and you don’t want that. You quickly get out of your seat and calmly ask your teacher for a bathroom pass. He hands it over to you and you are out of there with yours things.

            When another teacher stops you in the hall you quickly show them the pass, they eventually let you go. The encounter only makes you ten times more nervous though. You weren’t even doing anything bad but it sure didn’t help your case. You take several deep breaths and shove those thoughts down, scuttling across the tile floor to the bathroom.

            You shove the heavy door open and lock yourself in a stall. You sit awkwardly on the toilet, feet up on the bowl as if you’re hiding. It’d be so much easier if there was a tank to the toilet, you’d sit on that, but there isn’t. You pull your phone out of your pocket, prepared to text Karkat a long ass message and ask for his help. However, you notice that you have two missed calls and three unread texts from him. All from this morning. _Just fuck me up._

  ** _‘DAVE I’M AS SICK AS A DOG WHO CAUGHT THE PLAUGE SO I’M STAYING HOME, SORRY.’_** _Your poor babe._

_**‘PLEASE TAKE NOTES IN CHEMISTRY FOR ME.’**_   _Maybe you should just breathe and go back to class._

_**‘COULD YOU ASK SOLLUX TO SEND ME MY MATH AND ENGLISH HOMEWORK?’**_ Wait, what? What the fuck? _Have they been talking again? Did they make up or something?_ He hasn’t told you shit about Sollux since he told you all the shit he did to him when they dated. _What the fuck, Karkat? Did you want to hide this? Why? Are they a thing again? Is that why he started to seem more nervous around you? That’s it isn’t it! Of course it is! He’s in love, but not with you. You fucking IDIOT! YOU IDIOT!_

            You kick your feet at the door and tug at your hair. You are so _fucking_ stupid! Sollux is just going to take him from you. _He’s not even yours! Shut your fucking mouth! You have no right to complain! SHUT UP!_ You whine and scrub at your eyes. Fuck these stupid feelings. Fuck Karkat and his fucking boy-toy. You almost break the lock kicking the door open when you rush out the stall and slam the bathroom door open.

            You make a run for the yard and don’t bother with a proper exit. You sling your backpack over the fence and quickly climb up and over for it. You put it back over your shoulders and dart into the alleyway. You pass by Gamzee’s shop and fight the urge to go in there and grab whatever you see and make a run for it. _No. You don’t need that. Not for this kind of pain._ Your chest aches and you feel like dirt. You’re fucking _worthless_ and you don’t want to feel better, you just want these feelings _out._

            You spend the time that it took to get home _reminding yourself_ just how little you are worth. You are just one person. _No one will miss you. Even if Karkat or Bro did it’s only be for a month or two. Your teachers wouldn’t even notice and your ‘friends’ would just think that you fell into your shitty depression again. You’re no one important._ That’s why you have to deal with all of this _shit._ You’re just _some guy._ Some _guy_ who can’t seem to find the right instructions for his life.

            You don’t know how to handle all these damn feelings and you slam your apartment door open. You don’t know and so you’ll do the only thing that you know will help them out. You kick your bedroom door open and fling your backpack onto the floor. You rip your shirt off your body and you stare down at the _fucking bracelet_ wrapped around your wrist. You loop your fingers around the bracelet and snap it off your wrist. You throw it across the room, not paying attention to where it lands and go for your nightstand.

            Your mind goes through a million of ugly thoughts you believed you had locked up somewhere else. Tears prickle at your eyes as you yank open the drawer and dig around inside. You dig for your blades; they have always done the trick. They have made their way down your arms and your feelings made their way out. The longer it takes for you to find them the more you need them. Finally, your fingers bump against the case you had put them in after worrying Karkat would accidentally cut himself on them by going through your drawers. You pull it out and open that baby up.

            Adrenaline is rushing through you and you can feel it, along with this stupid pain in your heart. But there’s nothing inside the case. Frustrated, you sob and toss the case onto your bed. _Where the fuck are they!?_ You rip the drawer out and dump it onto your bed, tossing the now empty drawer aside. You dig and dig through the pile, but they are nowhere to be found. You yell angrily, whine, and pick the case back up. You go to chuck it against a wall when you notice something taped to the back of the case.

            You forget how to breathe and freeze. _Did Bro find them? Oh my fucking god, did Bro fucking find them?_ Your blood runs cold and you peel the note carefully off the case. You unfold the paper and let out the breath you had been holding. Just reading the first word makes you flop onto your bed and sob like the big baby you are. **_‘HEY’_** that’s all you’ve read so far and here you are, crying. Crying, because you know where you’ve seen those stupid capitalized scrawl before. You sniffle and wipe your face before you take in a large breath and continue trying to read.

  ** _‘HEY, I KNOW SHIT MUST BE FUCKING HARD AND FUCKED UP IF YOU’RE HERE LOOKING FOR WHAT I TOOK. I HOPE YOU AREN’T TOO MAD AT ME, AND COME FIND ME. I DON’T CARE WHAT TIME IT IS DAVE, AND I DON’T CARE WHAT HAPPENED TO GET YOU HERE BUT I WANT TO SEE YOU. PLEASE. I WANT TO SEE YOU, IN ONE PIECE. PLEASE. PLEASE DAVE, TALK TO ME. I NEED YOU TOO. I NEED YOU AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU HURT. I DON’T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT YOU CANT SHARE SOMETHING WITH ME SO IF YOU SEE THIS, PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU, COME SEE ME. PLEASE.’_**

            You don’t over think it, you just move. Maybe it’s not for you at the moment, but for him. He really did sound like he needed you and maybe that’s what made your legs work and get you jogging up a flight of stairs. You knock on his door, unsure of what you’ll do once he opens it. You are feeling one too many things at the moment and you can’t make heads or tails of any of it.

            Karkat opens the door, bundled up in a blanket, and gives you a curious look. _You can’t blame him, you are a shirtless mess._ He mumbles something softly and you respond by making a distressed noise. He rubs his eyes and wiggles a bit out of his blanket cocoon.

 “Are you all right? What’s wrong?” He asks.

 “I…I found your n-note.” You manage to spit out past a tongue and lips that don’t want to work with you. Karkat gasps softly and takes your hands.

 “Are you all right?” He turns them gently, checking for cuts, before glancing back up at you.

 “I don’t know.” You answer honestly. He leads you inside and sits you down on the couch. You tuck your knees into your chest. Karkat wraps the blanket he’d been bundled in around your shoulders. You grab at the edges and tuck them tighter around yourself.

 “What happened? You should be in school.” He sits down next to you.

 “Things. Lots of things. Too many things.” You mumble softly.

 “Want to talk about it? Are you all right?” Karkat asks. You shake your head. He gently tugs at the blanket and wraps himself in half of it. You lean against him when he opens his arms. He brushes your hair out of your face and bumps his head against yours, arms falling around your shoulders.

 “What do you need?”

 “I don’t know…” You curl up in his arms. You are not used to being comforted in this situation. Karkat rubs your shoulders softly.

 “Is this okay?” He asks. You nod. It’s soothing in a way you weren’t quite expecting it to be. His hands are warm and they run along your arms and shoulders.

 “Breathe.” He reminds you. You take deep breaths and follow the rise and fall of his chest. You focus on trying to relax the individual muscles in your face and back. When your breathing is back under control and you’ve relaxed most of your face back down Karkat moves slightly, his hands resting lightly on your back.

 “Do you need a red marker? Some water?” You shake your head in response, tucking your face into his chest. He gives you a soft squeeze around your shoulders.

 “You scared the shit out of me,” He holds you close to him. “But I’m glad you came.”

 “Sorry.” You whisper.

 “Its fine. I’m glad you found my note.” Karkat takes your hand. You cling tightly to it, _this hand is now yours._ He brings your hand to his lips, kissing the knuckles and resting his head on yours. You seem to be able to process feelings properly again now, because _how could you have ever thought he didn’t care about you?_ You swallow past the knot building in your throat and sniffle softly.

 “Hey, what’s wrong?” He shifts to try and look at your face. You hide it in his shoulder instead.

 “Dave?”

 “I’m fine. I think. I don’t know…” Just because you can process the feelings doesn’t mean they make sense.

 “What’s wrong?” He leans back and cups your face in his hands. You don’t look at him, you are still a mess.

 “What’s wrong, Dave?” You shrug and he sighs softly tucking you back into his arms and holding you close once more.

 “It’s all going to be okay. There’s no need to start over again tomorrow right? You’re good on that right?” He looks down at you.

 “Right…” You nod.

 “Is there anything I can do for you right now? I don’t like seeing you this upset. I mean it’s good that you aren’t scratching at your arms or kicking at me for a change. Don’t get me wrong, that’s really fucking amazing and good that you’re not. But I guess it’s kind of hard to figure out how to help you when you’re not screeching at me about what’s wrong.” He says. You laugh softly.

 “Just wasn’t being nice to myself.”

 “I know that. So how do I help with it?” Karkat takes your hand in his again. You look down at it and your bare wrist.

 “Do I need to tell you how fucking awesome you are? You’d think you would know since you walk around like you’re ‘The Shit’. But I don’t mind reminding you if you need it.” He squeezes your hand. You shake your head.

 “This is fine.” He cups your face in his free hand and looks down at you. You can see him thinking about something before he shakes his head slightly. He pecks your cheek and jaw. Karkat bumps his head against your shoulder and presses a soft kiss to the scarred skin there. You get a sudden overwhelming feeling of _fuck no, don’t_ and lean away from him. He leans back too, a bit surprised.

 “…Don’t.” You mumble.

 “‘Don’t’ what?” He asks. You curl inwards slightly, ignoring the crawlies where he kissed you.

 “Don’t…don’t kiss them.” You look at him. He blinks and turns red.

 “No, no. Wait. Okay, I know the whole kissing of scars shit is in almost every fucking hurt/comfort novel but no. I wasn’t kissing them. I was just kissing _you._ ”

 “Right. Of course.” You roll your eyes.

 “What?” He scoffs. You lean in and kiss the edge of a scar on his collarbone that’s just peaking out of his loose t-shirt. Karkat places his hand over it and tugs his shirt up to cover it back up.

 “That’s different! You went straight for it!” He puffs his cheeks out.

 “So? You did too.” You want to rest your hands over your shoulders. Karkat huffs and crosses his arms.

 “I did not. It was just on my way. It was there in front of me, on your arm, and I was going for your arm. It’s not that I was going for the scars, it was you I was sort of going for I guess.” He sighs. You puff a cheek out and look at him. You think he might be telling the truth, but you’re off-kilter from the emotional shit you just went through.

 “What? Hey, if you don’t want me kissing you, that’s fine. There’s no need to tell me I’m doing something I wasn’t though. Or at least you should get to know my real intentions.”

 “Then what were your _real_ intentions?” You sigh.

 “…I don’t know? Um. Same as always? I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing. It just happens sometimes when I’m with you. The whole, uh, the thing with my lips and…yeah. Sorry. If you want me to stop doing it, I’ll stop. I just…I guess you’re right. But not in a bad way.” He says, chewing on his lip. He’s trying to find the words and he covers up his own shoulders.

 “Look, Dave. I get it, you have them, they’re there and you don’t exactly want to feel anything that points them out but…fuck…” Karkat exhales softly.

 “What?” You press. He glances at your shoulders.

 “I don’t find anything wrong with them. Sorry, if I just sort of emphasized them or…” He trails off. You shift awkwardly in your spot and he curls up.

 “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again…” He says softly.

 “It’s okay.” You lean forward and bump your head against his shoulder. He loops his arms around you and rests his head against yours. You press a soft kiss to the base of his neck and another a bit higher up then nuzzle against him. Karkat lightly combs your hair with his fingers. It’s nice and you hum, bringing your arms around his waist. You can still make out the scar on his collarbone and curiosity gets the better of you this time.

 “What happened?” You ask.

 “With what?” He raises a brow. You trace the scar and tap it gently. Karkat leans back a bit to look at it.

 “This one,” he points to the thin lines. “Or this one?” He gestures to the other, slightly thicker one.

 “Both.” You say. He chews his lip a bit, debating something in his head.

 “The thinner ones are scars, the larger one a burn. It was from a cigarette. The cuts were from a vase.” Karkat says, absentmindedly tracing them.

 “Harsh.” You frown slightly. He brings his left arm in front of him and points out another one.

 “This one’s from a gasoline accident.”

 “What? How?” You look at it, concerned. He sighs softly.

 “We were at a gas station and I was filling it up.” He starts. You nod and reach out to his arm.

 “I must’ve been like, I don’t know, ten? Dad had been inside paying for the gas and came back with some smokes. He lit one up and pushed me out of the way so he could do it and I could get back into the car, and… I think you can imagine what sort of happened.” You glance back at his face and try _not_ to imagine what it must have felt like. You look at his arm again and bite your lip.

 “They tell you not to smoke there for a reason. It was fucking crazy really. I was in the news. It wasn’t _too_ bad since nothing else caught on fire.” Karkat hums and rests his head back. _It must have been terrifying._

 “All right, so when I had first tried to grab the pump, I think some had spilled from the previous use. I didn’t mind it too much and just stuck it in like Dad told me to. And when he was back, I think the ashes is what caused the fire. It wasn’t big but hey, I was screaming and crying. No shit it was going to be a scene.” You nod in agreement. He points to another part of his arm, just a bit lower.

 “These are also burns, but from medical acid. _Those_ were on purpose…”

 “Wow.” You whisper. _How could someone do that to somebody?_ He runs his fingers over the burn.

 “I’m sorry.” You tell him.

 “It’s all right.” Karkat says. You watch him turn to his other arm and point out another set of scars.

 “This one’s from some fucking shit-eating _cholo_ who set his pit bull after me.” He grumbles.

 “Why’d he send his dog after you?”

 “He was drunk off his ass and I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I had been with Gamzee and the two of us made a run for it when the guy let it loose. It caught my arms and it wouldn’t let go. So Gamzee had to…” He shakes his head, not wanting to continue the thought. “I’m not really okay with dogs any more. I had a cop dog go after me once too. Completely different story though.” He says with a nervous laugh. Karkat sighs and you lean against him more. You listen to his stories.

 “The ones on my back are from years of having to curl up like some helpless turtle when Dad would come home drunk… He would get very violent and for some reason he would just want to beat us. To be honest I wished he’d use his belt instead of the flower vases, or throw photo frames, or whatever else that could actually cut us.” He brings his arms closer to his body and flexes his jaw. You knew that his Dad was shitty; you didn’t realize he was a complete fucking asshole who was long overdue for Karma.

 “Kankri has some really bad ones too.” Karkat says softly. You bring your arms around him and hold him close to you.

 “Why didn’t you get like, CPS involved?” You ask.

 “He would tell Kankri that if he called them, he’d kill me. And he told me that if I called, he’d kill Kankri.” He curls up in your arms and your heart aches when you see the beginnings of tears forming in his eyes.

 “We have no family here. His friends all had the same mindset. He pulled me out of school when my teacher called him in for a conference and asked him to take better care of how I played outside, since I kept coming to school with bruises. Plus, I was just a kid Dave. I didn’t know about CPS, shelters, or safe zones. I thought that it was how it was. I never thought that I could just get away from it…from him.” He laughs softly and wipes at his eyes.

 “I never thought that’d I would ever have someone to just hold me like this while I shared these stories with them.” Karkat looks up at you. You peck his forehead.

 “I’m sorry.”

 “It’s all right. I’m safe now. _And_ I’m here with you, which is a lovely plus.” He smiles.

 “Still. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” You say. He nods.

 “But shit just happens sometimes. It’s all in my past. Sure, the scars are all here to stay, but they don’t make me any less. And _yours_ don’t make you any less either Dave.”

 “But, I caused mine…you got hurt. Mine are just from being weak.” You glance down at your shoulders.

 “You’re not weak. You’re not any less than I am. Your scars are the same as mine. Yes, different stories, different feelings, but they don’t have anything to do with our worth.” He says. You chew on your cheek and he huffs softly. Karkat wiggles his way out of your blanket cocoon and undoes the front of his sweatpants. _Whoa, whoa, whoa!_ You are not sure where this is going. You can feel your ears burning as he pushes them down to show you his thighs.

 “You see these? These are mine,” He taps at three thin scars along his right thigh. “I made those.” You are silent. You honestly don’t know what to say. It’s a bit jarring to think that he’s done it too. It makes you think of the ones on your thighs.

 “…I took a blade and just…went for it. I was upset. I was scared. I-I was feeling all these things.” He says. You nod, looking down at them. You know a bit too well about those feelings.

 “And I just went for it. All of these. More times than there are scars.” He says looking down at them too. You blink away the tears that want to form again.

 “And this leg,” Karkat says, grabbing it. “Is just as good as this one.” He grabs the other. You look up at him and he looks at you.

 “And both are just as good as the rest of me.” He tugs his pants back up and steps closer to you. He gently cups your shoulders in his hands and you look down at them.

 “And these? These are the arms of a dear friend of mine. These happen to be the scars on him.” You sniffle, unable to keep your breath even.

 “These are the marks, the scars, on the friend who I’ve gotten to spend these last few months with. Slow, long, months sure and they’ve been one hell of a ride. But damn it Dave…you are worth _so_ _fucking much_ to me.” You look up at him and see that he’s just as teary-eyed as you are

 “And these don’t take points away in my book. I love them just as much as the rest of you, you’re this special bundle deal.” He says with a nervous chuckle. You lean forward and bump your head into his stomach. Karkat brings his arms around you and holds you like that.

 “I love you… You’re my friend and I care about you. You’ve been doing so, _so_ well and I’m so proud of you.” He reaches down for your face and holds it gently between his hands.

 “Love you too…” You mumble into his belly. _He said ‘friend’._ You’ll learn to accept it you suppose. He leans down and kisses the top of your head. You bite your lip. _You love him so much._ Karkat gently tilts your head up and you stare up at him. He bumps his forehead against yours. You close your eyes and force your shoulders to relax. _You want to kiss him._ You two rest like this for a moment before he moves to join you back in the blanket burrito. You suddenly remember that he’s fucking sick and you feel just a bit stupid.

 “Um. Do you need anything?” You ask. He laughs.

 “Nah. I’ll be fine. It should just take me a day or two of rest. Maybe some Nyquil and warm baths. Don’t worry about it.” He shrugs.

 “You sure?” You double check. He nods and leans against you.

 “But I should let you go, I’ll get you sick.”

 “It’s fine. I’ll need an excuse for being home.” You say. He rolls his eyes at you.

 “No. ‘Cause then you’ll probably expect me to stay home with you, and make you soup, and draw your bath, and whatever else your sensitive ass will need when you’re sick.” He pushes you away from him and off of the couch.

 “If you don’t need anything else from me I suggest you go home before Kankri thinks I’m all hot and sweaty for different reasons.”

 “Yeah. Okay.” You snicker softly.

 “Sorry.”

 “S’fine,” You say. “Um…” You glance at your bare chest.

 “Hmm?”

 “C-Can I uh…borrow a shirt or something?” You ask. He looks at you and then nods.

 “Sure. I’ll go get one for you.”

 “Thanks.”

 “Mhmm.” He gets up and goes to his room. He comes back a moment later with a baggy sweater of his. You take it from him and pull it on over your head. It fits you nicely.

 “Thanks.” You repeat.

 “No problem. Need anything else?” He pulls the blanket around him once more. You shake your head.

 “I think I’m good. I’ll text you later?” You stuff your hands into the pockets. He smiles and nods. You smile back and wave. Karkat waves back and you head out of his apartment and head home. _Oh fuck you left the door open!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	21. Bro Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Mentions of Suicide  
> \- Cursing and Slurs  
> \- Bro  
> \- Feelings jam  
> \- Mentions of Sexual Conduct  
> \- Mentioned Drug Use  
> \- Mentioned Drug Abuse  
> \- Mentions of Alcohol and Alcohol Use

            You left the door open to your apartment and you hope that you get back before Bro does. You take the stairs two at a time and try organizing your thoughts. You can breathe easier now that you’ve calmed down. You bury your nose into the collar of Karkat’s sweater. You know it’s one of his favorites and it makes you feel special that he let you borrow it. It felt good to be able to talk to someone, someone who knows what’s going on in your life, before you did anything you shouldn’t have.

            Granted, Karkat likes you as a friend, and it stings, but you can accept it. You’ll have to. His friendship is more valuable than trying to push him into a relationship. You slip inside and shut the apartment door behind you. Everything is quiet, almost eerily so. _God you hope no one took anything._ You hope no one is _still inside._ You wait at the door for a couple more minutes before deeming it safe.

            You should probably go clean up the mess you left behind in your room before Bro gets back too. _Not that he would care._ You stuff your hands into your pockets and walk into the hall. _Stupid past Dave, you left this door open too._ You sigh softly to yourself and walk in. When you enter your room however, you’re not alone. Your heart immediately lodges itself in your throat and your stomach plummets to the ground. Bro is sitting on your bed. _He’s in your room._ He’s sitting on your bed, reading some note he’s found.

            Your chest constricts tightly and you can’t breathe. Maybe you can just back out of here before he sees you. Bro looks over at you when you go to step back and bump into the door instead. _Where are his shades? Holy fuck. You’re going to die._ He wipes at his face, _was he crying?_

 “Where the fuck were you?” Bro says, standing up and taking a step closer to you. _Nope._ You take a step back, trying to keep the space between you.

 “What were you doing? Are you all right? What the fuck was this sick joke?” He asks gesturing to your bed. You curl up and take another step back. _Fuck, he’s enunciating his words. You’re in big shit._ He closes the distance between you and grabs at your shoulders.

 “What the fuck is all this?”

 “Let go of me.” You say, trying to squirm out of his grasp.

 “What’s with this,” Bro lightens his grip only to shove the piece of paper he’d been reading at your chest. “What the fuck is it Dave?!” You glance at it before recognizing it as one of your own. You look away from him and the note.

 “Are you playing games? Because let me tell you, this is one fucking _sick_ game.” He says angrily, throwing the note aside. Bro roughly grabs at your arms, tugging the sleeves back to look at them.

 “Let go.” You try pulling your arms back. He grabs at your chin and tilts your face up, checking for marks along your neck. You manage to jerk it free and his hands come back down to hold your shoulders.

 “Where were you?” Bro leans in close to your face. You don’t think you’ve seen him so pissed before. You want to run away but he won’t let go of you.

 “Back off!” You shout at him. You’re panicking and yeah, you’ll admit it, a bit scared.

 “Where. Were. You.” He demands.

 “Why the fuck do you care?” You try to wrench yourself free from his grip.

 “Are you on something right now? What did you take out of the drawer again?” He narrows his eyes at you. _Fuck, he knew about it?!_

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You curl in on yourself.

 “The drugs, Dave! Stop playing stupid! What are you doing!?” You gasp in ragged breaths. You want away. Now. Bro picks you up like you weigh nothing and plops you onto your bed.

 “I’m not doing anything!” You try to escape but he won’t let you get up.

 “You’re going to tell me just what the fuck is going on, and you are going to tell me right now.”

 “Fuck off!” You screech at him.

 “No!”

 “Yes!”

 “This has gone too far!” He yells back. “What the fuck is all of this!?” He says shoving the papers on your bed around. Bro picks one up and shoves it at you.

 “When did you write these!?”

 “Does it matter?” You question back.

 “Of course it matters!” He shouts. You try to squirm away from him again. _You can’t be here._ _You need away._

 “Dave!”

 “Just go away!”

 “I ain’t goin’ no where until you spill these fucking beans.” He says, getting up and slamming your bedroom door shut. He stands guard in front of it. You glance over at your window. You can feel the glare he gives you.

 “Don’t you fucking dare.” Bro says. You wonder if you’d survive the fall and save it as a last resort.

 “Boy, I will _tie_ you down if I have to and take your ass to therapy.”

 “I don’t need your help!” You yell.

 “You obviously need it Dave! You’re _sick_!” He shouts back.

 “I’m not a kid, I can take care of it myself! In fact, that is a thing that’s happening. _Right now._ ”

 “Are you fucking kidding me? Then what the fuck do you think I’m doing here?” Bro crosses his arms.

 “Being a dick! It’s none of your business!”

 “You _are_ my business!” He says. You bring your knees up and choke back tears. _You can’t do this._

 “Dave. Look at me.” His voice is softer, trying to be gentler. You can’t bring yourself to look though. You stare at the floor.

 “What’s going on Dave? What’s wrong? Why don’t you talk to me? Fuck.” Bro’s voice wobbles and he moves to kneel down in front of you. He tries to look up at you, but you quickly switch to staring at the ceiling.

 “Dave, are you alright?” He asks you. You can’t find your voice, and try to make patterns on the ceiling. _Maybe he’ll go away if you pretend he’s not here._

 “Dave.” You play with your sleeves.

 “Why do you care?”

 “How could I not?” He sighs shakily, getting back up on his feet. You stare down at your knees. Bro rests a hand on top of your head.

 “I don’t need your help.” You say, leaning away from the touch.

 “These sure say something completely different.” He says, grabbing some of the notes he’d shoved at you moments ago.

 “‘Good bye world’, ‘not that you care’, ‘I’m sorry Bro’.” He starts reading pieces of them. It makes you curl up even further on yourself.  He picks up a few others and reads off them too.

 “‘I can’t stop hurting’? ‘This is too much’?” You bite down hard on your lip. You don’t want to hear the words repeated back to you.

 “You’re ditching school. You’re grabbing shit out of my drawers. And now this?” He sets the papers down.

 “You have the order wrong but, whatever.” You say.

 “Then what’s the order, hmm?” He asks.

 “It doesn’t matter. I’m fixing it.”

 “You’re going to drop this fucking attitude or you bet your sassy lil’ ass that I’m taking you to a rehab center.”

 “I don’t need to go to rehab. Did you not _just_ hear me? I’m _fixing_ it.” You glare up at him.

 “Oh yes. You’re ‘fixing’ this. Oh my _bad_. Yeah. I can totally see that. Yes. Look at all these notes. Yeah. Fucking _fixing_ it. Yup. Just gonna go and leave me too.” He says in such a condescending tone.

 “They’re from years ago. They’re not even relevant anymore.” You say. It’s true for the most part. He shakes his head and sighs.

 “I’m not going to play with this. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

 “No.”

 “You’re going to pee in their cup.”

 “No.”

 “And if you have anything in your system, it’s _‘Konichiwa’_ rehab.”

 “No.” You continue to argue.

 “I ain’t askin’, I’m being nice and letting you know.” He crosses his arms.

 “And I’m telling you. I. Don’t. Want. It.” You narrow your eyes up at him.

 “Well guess what. You’re not an adult. I’m in charge of this house and I’m in charge of you. So I say hospital tonight, or you tell me everything.”

 “No.”

 “It’s not a question Dave! Those are the two choices, and those are it. I am not playing. This is not a fucking joke. This is not a game. I’m not letting this slide anymore.”

 “I never said it was a game.” You say.

 “Well good! I’m not going to fuck this up too. It’s talk and fix it here or all the way to a fucking help center. I don’t care. I don’t give a flying fuck. I’m not going to just forget about this, about you. I’m not going to take this lightly.” He glares back at you. You roll your eyes.

 “It wouldn’t be that much of a change if you did.”

 “Are you shitting me? Are you _seriously_ going to give me this shit? What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing all these years? I’m not _getting_ you kid. Just who the hell do you think I work this hard for? Mom and Dad? Oh yeah. They need the help.” He scoffs and shakes his head. You briefly wonder where they are and what they’re up to before focusing back on the topic.

 “Myself? Oh please, I could probably live comfortably with being a cashier. But no, I wanted to take you with me. I wasn’t going to leave you behind. And this is the shitty thanks I get? Is it not enough? What do you want?! You got friends. You go to school. I have this fucking roof over your head, clothes on your back, and shoes on your feet.”

 “And when was the last time you were ever home?!” You accuse him.

 “You’re asking me that?! Where the fuck have _you_ been Dave?! Where?! Because it’s _you_ who’s never home anymore! I _work_ my ass off every _night_ so I can see you in the morning! But you’re not here!” Bro shouts back, pacing around your room.

 “I have school!” _When you go that is._

 “I know that! But after you lil’ shit! I’ve had every weekend off since you were in the ninth grade, and you’re not here! Where? I know _not._ No idea. No clue. And that’s when shit started to disappear! _What a fucking coincidence!”_ He yells at you. You tuck your knees closer to your chest and find yourself slowly curling up into a tight ball.

 “What haven’t I been doing, Dave? What am I missing here? I help you get your school shit. Anything you’ve needed I’ve gotten it. I’ve _tried_ to be home, I try and keep up with you. I do! But you don’t talk! When was the last time we even strifed?  When you’ve actually ate the meals I’ve left for you? You’re out with friends and alright, yeah, cool. That’s fine. Fucking awesome. _BUT NOT IF THEY’RE GOING TO DRIVE YOU TO THIS!_ What the fuck were you doing today?! Where were you?! You were supposed to be at school!”

 “ _NO ONE DROVE ME TO THIS BUT MYSELF_!” You shout at him. You aren’t letting your friends take the blame for the things you do.

 “ _WHY?!_ WHY ARE YOU DOING ALL OF THIS STUPID SHIT?! BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING STUPID, AND YOU’RE _NOT_!” He stops pacing and stands back in front of your door.

 “I KNOW THAT,” You are on the verge of gross sobbing. “I JUST WANTED EVERYTHING TO STOP FOR A MOMENT!”

 “That doesn’t make it stop for a moment kid… It makes it stop forever.” Bro leans heavily against the wall. He slides down slowly and holds his head. You watch him hunch his shoulders forward and tug at his hair.

 “You can’t go… You can’t – can’t just give up like that. You’re a fighter Dave…” He says softly.

 “No I’m not.”

 “I’ve fucked up. I haven’t been here.” He rests his head back against the wall and sighs with a shaky breath.

 “This isn’t your fault. It’s mine.” _God no, don’t take responsibility for this, Bro._ He looks around your room a little bit.

 “It can’t be all yours. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time when I’m with you… I’ve tried to raise you to see the best in yourself and yet, here we are. You’re on a bed of your suicide notes and I’m on your dirty floor wondering how I could have made this all better,” He covers his face with his hands. “I’ve been so busy shaping your surroundings that I didn’t take care of the actual kid… We were in such a fucked up place…I wanted us out so bad.” He bumps his head against the wall and you totally aren’t crying. You sniffle softly.

 “I wanted to build you a home.” It’s barely above a whisper and you almost didn’t catch it. You bite down on your quivering lip.

 “I wanted us to be a family, even if it was just the two of us. I didn’t want us to need more.” He drops his hands and stares at the ceiling. You no longer want to be curled up on this bed alone, you want to be held right now. You blame Karkat for cuddling up with you when you were sad.

 “I’ve worked so hard to keep you in school. Make sure all the important papers were in my name. That I could always get you to a doctor if needed. Hell, I have a jar in my closet with about 5k for your college tuition.” He sniffles and closes his eyes. _No. Don’t cry. Fuck. You’re not supposed to._ It makes you crawl off the bed and hesitantly make your way over to him.

 “And the kid I’ve saved it for is out in the streets, with people I don’t know, doing the shit I always wanted to keep hidden from him.” He scoffs at himself. You bump your head against his shoulder.

 “It’s not your fault…” You mumble. He wipes at his face before cupping your head.

 “No…it’s not. But not listening to you is. Not being here when you needed me is. Not being honest, hiding shit I _knew_ I shouldn’t from you was.” Bro brushes your bangs out of your face. You are a mess of tears and snot by this point and hope it doesn’t gross him out too badly.

 “Not being a good older brother is my fault.” He carefully pushes your shades up and wipes at your face, not even bothered in the slightest by it. You break at the touch. You sob and he opens his arms up. You don’t hesitate this time; just immediately curl up against his chest. Bro wraps his arms tightly around you and brings you close. You cling to his shirt and cry like you are five years old again.

 “I’m sorry.” You choke out between sobs.

 “I know. You’re seventeen and you think you know everything there is to know. You think you got it all, that the world has thrown everythin’ it can at ya. But you’re still so young. You have so many things you still need to be around for, and life has a lot more shit that it can and will try and throw at you. But I’m here for you too. Call me when you need me Dave. Tell me what I can help you with. You might be alone in this apartment but you’re not alone in life… I’m right here too lil’ man. I didn’t leave you by yourself back then and I ain’t gonna just ditch you halfway either.” He rubs small circles into your back. You can’t stop the tears now, _when was the last time you cried so hard?_ Bro holds you, quiet for a moment.

 “Remember how in fourth grade you wanted to learn how to ride a bike? And when I was ready to show you, John’s hot dad had already taught you? Well, I doubt he can teach you out of this mess. So…sorry I’m a bit late again. But I’m here.” He says. You manage a weak laugh. Bro gently pets your hair.

 “And remember in sixth grade, how you didn’t want me to chaperon the school dance but I did anyways? Well this is just like that. You don’t really get a say,” He chuckles softly. “’Cause you need it. And I’ll be watching…even if it’s from afar while you do your own thing.” You rub at your face and try to calm down again.

 “I got you. Just like I had you when you took your first lil’ steps. You’re gunna fall an’ eat shit some days, but there won’t be a day where you won’t be able to tell me about it. I promise Dave.” You sniffle and try drying your face with your sleeves. Bro calmly brushes the hair out of your face again when you finish.

 “But you _have_ to let me know what’s going on. I can only do so much in the dark.”

 “I know…” You swallow the nasty knot that’s now mostly snot down.

 “So tell me, what happened?” He glances over at your bed and back to you.

 “A lot.” You say with a shaky sigh.

 “I’m all ears.” He says with a light pat to your back. You aren’t sure where to even begin.

 “The bullying got worse.” You decide to start with.

 “Last time we talked about bullying it was just Jade wanting you to give her your baby carrots back in eighth grade.”

 “Yeah no…there was a lot more. A _lot_ than just that.” You fidget. You forgot that you didn’t tell him about all of it.

 “They just kept poking at everything.”

 “Like what?” He asks.

 “Like my eyes, how skinny I am, how I don’t have parents. That I ‘sleep around’ to get what I need.”

 “What you need?”

 “Better grades, drugs, men, to spread STDs to the football team to make sure they fuck up. When really, we just have a shitty team.” Apparently those are your goals in life, according to several students.

 “Men?” _Fuck he caught that._ You shrug, not wanting to get into that right now.

 “So yeah. That kind of shit. Nasty rumors and prodding at what isn’t up to par.”

 “Like?”

 “That I work a glory hole in the boys locker room, I’m responsible for whatever the fuck happened to Mom and Dad, that I drove you to be a stripper.”

 “Oh my fucking god. That was _one_ year.”

 “That…What?” You turn to look at him better. _Did he really just?_

 “If they knew that, it’s because of their older siblings, so they must have been there to see – I mean. What?” Bro tries to dodge the question.

 “You were a stripper?” You hadn’t known that. He sighs.

 “Tell me your story and then I’ll tell you mine.” He says, ruffling up your hair. You take a deep breath and start again. You tell him about how you tried your damndest to not let it get to you. About how you and Rose briefly dated, but broke up soon after. How the poking and prodding got worse afterwards and it all became too much, so you began cutting.

 “But you’re alright tonight right?” Bro asks, gently squeezing your shoulders.

 “Bit shaky, but mostly. ‘M not gonna do anything though.” You say. He nods and hums.

 “Who left you that note?”

 “The Goblin I keep telling you about. Karkat. He lives upstairs. Goes to my school.”

 “Yeah. The kid who invited us over for x-mas, um, ‘Good Night’? Christmas Eve.” He says trying to recall.

 “Yeah. Him. The little one.” You nod.

 “He’s a cutie.” He says, nudging you slightly. You nod in agreement, not really paying attention.

 “Karkat knows. About everything.” You go to touch the bracelet, but all you feel is bare skin. You glance down before remembering how you ripped it off. It leaves you feeling bad.

 “He’s a good kid.” Bro hums.

 “I met him at Gamzee’s.” You tear your eyes away from your naked wrist.

 “Gamzee? _Makara?_ ” He looks down at you. _Oh fuck, Bro knows him too?_

 “…Yeah.” You whisper.

 “I’d ask you what you were doing there, but I already know.”

 “I don’t go over there for that reason anymore though. And I only go over if Karkat’s there.”

 “What the hell is Karkat doing there?” Bro asks confused. You do your best to tell him what you know of the relationship between the two of them. You still aren’t too sure on some details but they’re just really good friends. The best of friends according to Gamzee.

 “He’s actually a good guy, he wouldn’t let me leave high most of the time. Gamzee really didn’t want to sell me anything either. I mean, he won’t _now_ period, but y’know.” You shrug.

 “I’m guessing Karkat told him to quit it?” Bro asks. You nod.

 “Because Karkat’s helping me quit.”

 “And how are things? I mean,” He glances back over at your bed. “Yeah…” You hum and count on your fingers quietly for a second.

 “It’s been about three months since I last got high. And like about two weeks since um…I got drunk and…yeah.” You gesture vaguely to your arms. He nods, looking at the sleeves covering them.

 “It was at that party thing.”  
  
 “Weren’t you with Karkat?” He asks.

 “Yeeeahhh…sorta? His ex was there. They had been busy talking with each other so, I went and chilled with John. I put Tapitio into his drink and he gave me vodka. It was an accident, well _his_ not mine.” You tell him.

 “Uh huh.” He narrows his eyes at nothing. You mumble about the rest of that evening; how you decorated Karkat’s lap, wrote nice things, and how Karkat helped you with your hangover the next morning.

 “He’s been good to me.” You rest your head against Bro’s shoulder.

 “Yeah?”

 “Yeah.” You nod. He pats your head.

 “Good. I can trust him around you I guess. But you’re not going to any parties for a month.”

 “I don’t think I’d want to, but okay.” You say with a soft laugh. Bro smiles slightly and you sit comfortably with him. You can feel that Bro has more questions that he’s not asking, and you suppose you can appreciate that.

 “Karkat comes over a lot.” You say, talking to fill the silence.

 “Does he? I know he cleaned our kitchen once.” Bro hums.

 “Yeah. He’ll cook dinner. Or his brother will when I go over.” You tell him. Bro nods, seemingly happy that you’re somewhere safe.

 “Rose and Jade like him. John doesn’t because of a pen, in math.”

 “He did not give poor John a pen in math did he?”

 “He did in fact, give John a pen in math.” You chuckle. You just hope it wasn’t on a test; _John would never forgive him for that._

 “Karkat’s ex is a douche and he shares Chemistry with us. He cheated on Karkat like twice. Well okay, _technically_ once, but like it counts as twice because he likes things in twos. Ugh, and he’s just so horrible. He’s trying to get back with Karkat.” You aren’t sure why you’re telling Bro all of this, but it feels good just to talk to him.

 “An’ ya don’t want any competition?”

 “He’s not _really_ competition, Karkat isn’t interested in him anymore.” You roll your eyes.

 “Then who is he interested in?”

 “I don’t know.” You shrug. You’d like to hope that it’s maybe you, but it seems doubtful.

 “What about you?” Bro asks.

 “What about me?”

 “Who you interested in?”

 “N-no one.” You say, feeling the heat rise to your face. He smiles at you.

 “Who’s No One?” He asks, just like he used to when you were little.

 “Nobody!” Your ears are burning now. _You can’t just tell him that!_

 “Ya jus’ told me you did drugs with Makara an’ got drunk at a party, and ya can’t tell me who yer crushin’ on?”

 “I’m not crushing,” You cover your face with your hands. “There are no crushes to be found here.”

 “I’unno kid. Yer red face says otherwise.”

 “…It’s not a crush.” You mumble.

 “Then what is it?” He presses. You peek through your fingers and he waits.

 “What do you think?” You finally say.

 “I think some one’s in loooove.” He singsongs. You hide your face again and groan. He hums.

 “Is it Jade?” He asks.

 “God no. She’s cute but no.”

 “Could it be Rose?” He hums. _Now he’s just fucking with you._

 “That already didn’t work out.”

 “That really cute Math teacher?”

 “Ew no.” You grimace. Bro chuckles.

 “Hmm. John?”

 “Been there done that.”

“Huh?” He looks down at you.

 “I mean…fuck.” You didn’t mean to say that.

 “You did John?”

 “Not exactly? I mean our clothes stayed on the whole time. He got a bit wigged out by my hand on his – Why am I telling you this!?” You cut yourself off.

 “I don’t know but keep spilling!” Bro encourages.

 “It was awkward. And he’s not bi. And that’s why some people think I’ve fucked the whole football team.” You wrap your arms around yourself.

 “Oh…” Bro says softly.

 “Yeah…” You sit there quietly, the moment a bit tense.

 “…Were you curious too?” He asks. You’re quiet and fidget in your spot. You shrug a shoulder not really wanting to say.

 “Y’know I don’t judge right? Who ‘m I to tell ya that you can’t have a boyfriend? Or that bein’ LGBTQA+ is wrong?” He scoffs softly. It doesn’t ease your nerves for some reason.

 “…Wasn’t exactly curious. I already knew.” You say quietly, playing with your sleeves and chewing on your lip. You know he’d accept you regardless but you still have this weird fear of telling him. He ruffles your hair.

 “We can talk more about it when you’d like.” He tells you. You nod, glad that he’s not pushing you into it.

 “Are you comfortable with yourself though?”

 “Yeah, better than how I used to be.” You say softly.

 “Tha’s good.” He says. You nod. Maybe you’ll just write him a long letter about it like how you did with Rose. He hums and taps a soft beat on your arm. _Which reminds you._

 “Your turn?” You look up at him. Bro sighs.

 “Whatcha wanna know ‘bout?”

 “Stripper?” You need to know at least something about that.

 “I was eighteen, you were thirteen. I couldn’t keep up with all them bills and shit ya needed fer school with jus’ bein’ a cashier. So, yeah. Got an offer once, said ‘Why the fuck not’. Did it for a year, didn’t like it a whole lot.”

 “Why not?”

 “People get gross sometimes, Dave. I’m _so_ down for dirty talk, but only when they’re _in_ a relationship with me. Y’know?” He says, making a face. You nod in understanding. It must have been pretty bad to make Bro uncomfortable.

 “Plus, I got _really_ bad vertigo. D’ya have any idea how hard it is t'live with that, _while_ yer expected t'spin ‘round a pole? No thanks.” He rests his head back on the door and you snicker softly to yourself. He’s quiet for a heartbeat.

 “Ya know I did shit in the streets for a bit… I didn’t want to go back to that but I wanted to earn just as much. When I stopped strippin’, I went back ta that for another year an’,” He sighs softly. “Remember that girl I used ta bring home? The one with the long hair an’ pretty eyes?” You nod.

 “Yeah. What happened to her? You never told me.”

 “What I feared would happen to you today.” He says, staring up at the ceiling. You look at him. _Fuck, what do you say to that?_

 “She left me a note and a letter for her mom.” He closes his eyes. You sit there silently and listen to him.

 “I had gone to pick ‘er up for work and she didn’t answer the door. I noticed it was unlocked an’ I went ta see what was up, why she was takin’ so long… I found her. She was on her bed with her favorite dress on, our song on replay… The notes on her chest an’ the bottle of pills beside her.” He bites his lip and heaves a shaky sigh. You bring your arms around him and hug him tight, reminding him that you _are_ here.

 “I’m sorry…” You say. You didn’t know. _You must have scared him so badly with those stupid notes._

 “We used ta talk ‘bout e’erythin’…but she never mentioned bein’ upset or hinted at any of that,” Bro sits up and hugs you back. “So ya have t'be sure to tell me when _you_ are.”

 “Okay.” You nod. He hums softly into your hair. It’s a promise you want to keep. _Speaking of promises._ You lean back slightly.

 “…Can you help me find something?”

 “What d’ya need?” He looks at you.

 “I lost my bracelet somewhere in here… I promised I’d wear it.” You say. He nods.

 “Um. Sure?” The two of you get up and start poking around in your room for it. You hope you can find it and put it back on. You have promises to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/
> 
> \--
> 
> Also I'll be posting a little special here in just a second~


	22. A Bee in the Bonnet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Salty af Dave  
> -Past Relationship  
> -Hints of past Relationship abuse  
> -Sollux  
> -Doctors  
> -Hints at Cheating  
> -Cursing/slurs  
> -Invasion of privacy

            You are chilling with Karkat at your place today. You keep your sleeve tugged down over you bare wrist, you still need to find the bracelet. Karkat seems to be more distracted by what’s on his phone than whatever you have going on the television. You wonder who it is he’s messaging. You can tell that it’s not Gamzee; he’s not making all the faces he usually does when he talks to him.

            You lean against his side, casually checking his unlock code and then looking away to give him back his privacy. He jabs harshly at the keys and sighs. Karkat shifts so he can curl up against you. You happily wrap your arms around his shoulders and hold him close.

            He had told you that he was going to go over to the doctors in a bit and it had made him nervous. Whoever he’s talking to doesn’t seem to be helping all that much either. You thread your fingers through his hair and scratch gently at his scalp. He tosses his phone to the side.

 “You okay?” You ask.

 “Yeah, just nervous about the appointment.” He mumbles.

 “You’ll be fine.” You try to reassure him.

 “I just hate having to take off my clothes when I have to be weighed.”

 “I know the feeling.” You nod, it’d be so uncomfortable with Bro in the room with you. Karkat tucks his face into your neck. You drop your hands to rub at his back, trying to soothe those nerves.

 “You’ll do just fine though.”

 “Yeah. I’m not as sick anymore, but my ears still feel kind of weird.”

 “Your ears?” You ask, gently touching at one of them.

 “Yeah. I think I blew my nose too hard last week and it kind of hurts. I’m not hearing too well out of it either.”

 “Oh. Shit. That’s not good.” You hum, _those poor ears._ You lean forward and give him a good luck peck on his forehead.

 “It’s probably not _that_ bad. You’ll be fine.”

 “Yeah.” He nods, slightly red. You smile at him and he looks away.

 “H-how are you doing in math? Remember I won’t be here to check your work.” Karkat says, quickly changing the subject.

“I think I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll ask Jade or Bro or someone.” _They’re both pretty good at math._

 “As long as you don’t ask Bro to make another hot dog. I never knew you could burn a weenie that bad.” Karkat laughs.

 “Yeahhh.” You snicker.

 “I’m sure you could ask him for anything else though.” He smiles. _God you love that smile._ He leans up a bit, nuzzling at your neck and bringing his arms around you. Your hands find his back once more and return to rubbing at the muscles beneath. You hum a soft tune from that one song you’ve now gotten stuck in your head. 

            He sighs softly and you glance over at the clock. Karkat untangles himself from you and stands up. You look up at him and he looks over at your clock.

 “Is it time?” You ask.

 “Yeah.” He nods. You take his hand and give it a squeeze.

 “You got this.” You tell him.

 “Yeah I know.” He says, taking his hand back and stretching. You get up and stand beside him. He grabs his backpack and slings it over his shoulders. You follow him to the door, where he politely waves to Bro. Karkat steps outside and gives you a small wave too.

 “I’ll let you know when we’re back.” He says.

 “Yeah. Be safe, okay?” You give him a smile. He laughs.

 “That’s usually my line.” He returns your smile with a sad one of his, before making his way down the hall. You wait until he gets inside the elevator before going back inside. Bro’s packing some of his shit up and you plop down on the arm of the couch to watch him, he’ll be heading out soon too.

 “He’s outta here early.” Bro hums, organizing his stuff a bit better.

 “He has some doctor appointment.” You tell him.

 “Thought he’d gotten upset an’ was headin’ home.” He shrugs.

 “Nah. He doesn’t want to go though.”

 “I feel ‘im. I hate docs,” He makes a face and ruffles your hair. “Ya gonna be a’ight by yerself?” He asks, picking up the equipment he needs. You hum softly.

 “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

 “A’ight. Ya need ‘nythin’ go ‘head an’ call the place. I left the number on the fridge.” Bro says.

 “I will.” You promise, flopping backwards onto the couch and stretching out. Bro nods over at you one last time before making his way out. You hum and stare up at the ceiling, watching the fan go around. The apartment is silent save for the television. You turn your head to face it, reaching out and grabbing the remote.

            There is absolutely nothing on TV, you conclude after flipping through channels for a solid twenty minutes. You groan and toss the remote back onto the table. You are bored out of your mind. There are games you could play, homework you could work on, chores that should be done, but none of it interests you. You tap your hands on your stomach and swing your legs. Very faintly, you hear a buzzing coming from between the couch cushions.

            You are curious about it, but at the same time _so not_. Bro sleeps on this couch quite a bit. God knows what the buzzing truly is. Overwhelming boredom wins over potential mental scaring however and you listen intensely for the buzz again. Your hand dives into the cushions once it goes off once more, locating the item after a bit of digging.

            It’s Karkat’s phone and you have no idea why it’s here instead of in his pocket. He must have sat it down on the couch before he left, _and the couch was hungry for phone._ It buzzes in your hand once more, a notification popping up onscreen. _It looks like someone wants to talk with him._ You chew your lip and unlock his phone.

            You are greeted with grey capital letters, _Karkat obviously,_ and some nasty looking yellow text. You don’t really want to read any of it, Karkat deserves his privacy after all. You scroll up through the log, skimming parts of it here and there. You go to close it out when you catch your name. You scroll back to it, and then up for the start of the log to get more context.

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--**

TA: 2o who wa2 that guy you 2howed up wiith at ff2 party?

CG: YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHO HE IS. WE ALL HAVE CHEMISTRY TOGETHER.

CG: MAYBE HIM AND I MORE THAN YOU AND I HAD BUT, WHATEVER.

TA: what2 that 2uppo2ed two mean?

CG: DON’T THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT IT.

 

            _Fucking hell that’s a sweet burn right there,_ You snicker softly to yourself.

 

CG: HES JUST A FRIEND I BROUGHT TO THE PARTY. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO HEAR?

TA: ju2t wanted two know a biit about him ii2 all.

CG: WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW SOLLUX? YOU CAN EITHER HOP OVER, AROUND, THROUGH, OR EVEN UNDER THE BUSH, BUT LET’S GO. WHAT?

TA: you two 2eem clo2e.

TA: ii2 that a thiing or?

CG: WE’RE CLOSE YEAH. DOES IT HAVE TO BE A THING?

TA: iim ju2t askiing iif you two were a thiing.

TA: iit doe2nt have two be a thiing.

CG: WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT IT BEING A THING?

TA: iim not.

CG: YOU SURE SOUND LIKE IT.

CG: YOU ALWAYS GET SO DAMN CURIOUS ABOUT HIM.

CG: YOU’VE SEEN US HOW MANY TIMES TOGETHER?

CG: TWICE.

CG: OH MY GOD. OH NO.

CG: GOD FORBID I HAVE A FUCKING FRIEND.

CG: BUT NAH. I MUST BE ALL UP ON HIM IF I GO OUT IN PUBLIC WITH HIM.

CG: *HARD GASP*

 

            You guess he’s talking to Sollux then. _The twos really should have given it away._

 

TA: iim not 2ayiing you cant have friiend2.

TA: ii ju2t wanted two know what wa2 up between you two.

CG: OH MY GOD. DO YOU SEE THIS?

CG: LIKE DOES IT NOT SHOW UP ON YOUR SCREEN ONCE YOU SEND IT?

CG: BECAUSE IF IT DOES YOU CAN GO UP, LOOK, AND SEE THAT I ALREADY ANSWERED THAT.

CG: NO SOLLUX.

CG: DAVE AND I ARE IN A HAPPY AND COMMITTED FRIENDSHIP.

CG: THAT IS ALL

 

            You ignore the slight sting in your chest. _Yep. Friends._

 

TA: alriight alriight, ju2t chiill.

TA: ii ju2t wa2 askiing.

TA: fiigured iit2 better two ask you than rely on 2ome 2hiity rumor2.

CG: WHAT KIND OF RUMORS?

TA: youve heard about the one2 iinvolviing hiim before havent you.

 

            _God fucking damnit,_ you groan.

 

TA: iit2 2omethiing liike that.

CG: SO YOU’RE EITHER TELLING ME THAT, DAVE AND I NOW WORK THE GLORY HOLE *OR* THAT DAVE AND I SUCK EACH OTHER OFF.

CG: WHICH IS IT?

TA: the 2econd.

TA: that2 ju2t what ii had heard though.

CG: WELL YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER SHOULDN’T YOU?

CG: OR WHAT? DID JEALOUSY GET THE BEST OF YOU?

CG: I BET YOU WOULDN’T BE TRYING TO FIND ME IF SHIT LIKE THIS NEVER CROSSED YOUR MIND. BUT NO HUH? IF I SLEPT WITH SOMEONE YOU JUST *HAVE* TO KNOW.

TA: iim not jealou2.

CG: GOOD. THEN IT’LL BE EASIER FOR YOU TO MOVE ON.

 

            _Ohhhh, fucking slay his ass!_

 

TA: kk cant we try agaiin?

CG: NO.

TA: not even a2 friiend2?

CG: IT’S OBVIOUSLY NOT WHAT YOU WANT. SO THE TIME YOU SPEND TRYING WON’T BE WORTH IT, SO WHY TRY?

TA: becau2e we were great friiend2.

TA: ii mii22 iit.

CG: TOO BAD YOU HAD TO GO OUT OF YOUR WAY AND FUCK IT UP.

TA: ii know.

TA: iim 2orry.

 

            _Dear Jesus,_ you roll your eyes.

 

CG: *SIGH*

CG: YOU ALREADY APOLOGIZED IDIOT…

TA: ii dont thiink ii could apologiize enough for iit.

 

            _Is he seriously doing this? Is he seriously pulling this card?_ You make a face at the screen.

 

CG: SOLLUX, IT’S REALLY NOT WORTH IT. IT’S NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME. IT’S GOING TO TAKE SO MUCH.

CG: I’M NOT SAYING THIS TO SHOVE SOMETHING IN YOUR FACE OR ANYTHING. I’M JUST GIVING YOU A HEADS UP.

CG: I’VE TRIED ALRIGHT? I’VE TRIED TO FORGIVE YOU. I’VE SPENT TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT BEFORE, BUT I DON’T THINK I CAN MAKE IT BE THE SAME.

TA: iit doe2nt have to be the 2ame.

TA: ii know iit cant.

 

            _Then fucking step off._

 

CG: THEN WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BOTHER?

TA: becau2e ii mii22 you.

TA: ii mii22 hangiing out wiith you.

TA: doiing all the 2hiit we u2ed two do.

TA: ju2 a2 friiend2.

TA: al2o, miituna mii22e2 you.

 

            _Who’s Miituna?_ You try to think if you’ve heard his name around school before, but your mind draws a blank.

 

CG: I KIND OF MISS HIM TOO. I BET HE’S NOT EVEN SURE WHY I STOPPED VISITING.

CG: …

CG: DID YOU TELL HIM?

TA: he…

TA: he diidnt really under2tand.

CG: HE’S SMARTER THAN YOU GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR. YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T EXPLAIN IT CORRECTLY.

TA: maybe.

TA: ii dont know.

CG: DOES HE STILL HAVE MY COPY OF TONY HAWK? I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE.

 

            _Is Karkat really looking for it?_ You bite your lip and try not to smile. You mentioned it offhand and he seems to have been tracking it down since.

 

TA: let me a2k.

CG: ALRIGHT.

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] is now an idle chum! --**

TA: yeah he ha2 iit.

TA: he got exciited when ii a2ked hiim.

CG: OH?

TA: yeah. 2omethiing about how you two were goiing two play iit the next time you came over?

CG: HEH…YEAH. I TOLD HIM THAT THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM.

CG: THAT WAS LIKE A YEAR AGO, SHIT.

 

            You hiss softly, you guess Sollux’s shit fucked up more than one friendship.

 

TA: yeah.

TA: …

TA: what 2hould ii tell hiim?

CG: TELL HIM HE CAN KEEP IT…I DON’T KNOW. I HONESTLY DON’T NEED IT.

CG: I DON’T KNOW!

CG: …

CG: MAYBE I CAN VISIT HIM SOMEDAY OR HE CAN COME OVER.

CG: FUCK.

CG: SOLLUX…

CG: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MESS IT UP…

TA: iit doe2nt have two 2tay me22ed up.

TA: we can try and fiix iit.

 

            _Holy fucking shit, this guy can’t take a hint can he?_

 

CG: I DON’T KNOW.

CG: TO BE HONEST, I’M SORT OF REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

CG: NOT WITH THIS, NO.

CG: BUT YOU KNOW? I’M KIND OF HAPPY WHERE I AM.

TA: ii 2ee.

CG: WHAT?

TA: iim ju2t tryiing two under2tand where youre comiing from ii2 all.

CG: WELL FOR ONE, I’VE STOPPED FEELING LIKE *ABSOLUTE SHIT* FROM YOUR MINI ADVENTURE WITH YOUR GAL PAL.

CG: NOT LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE. YOU JUST DID WHAT YOU FUCKING WANTED TO.

CG: SO THAT’S A GOOD REASON.

CG: I FOUND OUT WHO MY TRUE FRIENDS ARE BECAUSE FOR *WHATEVER* REASON SOME OF THEM TOOK YOUR “SIDE”.

CG: AND I GOT TO MEET SOME BETTER FRIENDS.

CG: DAVE INCLUDED.

CG: ESPECIALLY DAVE, REALLY.

 

            Even though you are crushing hard on him, you are touched he’s glad that you two are great friends.

 

TA: 2ound2 liike you really liike hiim.

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? YES. I DO. I REALLY LIKE THE GUY. HE’S A GREAT FRIEND.

 

            You smile to yourself. _At least he likes you as a friend._

 

TA: miituna 2ay2 thank2 for the game btw.

CG: I’M SURE HE’LL ENJOY IT MORE THAN I EVER DID.

TA: maybe.

CG: I WAS HONESTLY LOOKING FOR IT TO SHOW IT TO DAVE. BUT I CAN JUST FIND A CHEAP COPY ONLINE OR AT SOME EXCHANGE PAGE.

 

            _He really is looking for it._ You aren’t getting worked up over it. _Not at all, nope, just allergies._

 

TA: what2 he want wiith iit?

CG: IRONY.

CG: I’M HOPING.

CG: THAT OR HE REALLY DOES LIKE LAME AS FUCK GAMES.

 

            You laugh loudly.

 

CG: UGH. DID YOU SEE WHAT HE PICKED UP AT THE MALL WHEN YOU SAW US?

CG: I HAD TO THROW IT ACROSS THE AISLE.

TA: no.

TA. What diid he get?

CG: HE GOT THE FUCKING GHOSTBUSTERS PS3 GAME.

 

            “That was for John!” You groan, yelling at no one.

 

CG: I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT EXISTED.

CG: LEAVE IT TO DAVE TO FIND THE WEIRDEST SHIT AT THE MALL.

CG: ALTHOUGH I GUESS IT KEEPS THE VISITS FUN.

TA: what iin the world po22e22ed hiim two get that though?

 

            “John!” You got it for John, holy shit.

 

TA: je2u2.

CG: NO IDEA.

CG: WE HAVEN’T REALLY SAT DOWN TO PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES, SO I DON’T KNOW HIS TASTE IN THEM. WE’VE BEEN DOING OTHER STUFF.

TA: other 2tuff?

TA: liike?

CG: NONE OF THE MESS YOUR SHIT SPEWING FUCKSPONGE DIRTY MIND PROBABLY GAVE YOU.

TA: iit diidnt giive me anythiing.

TA: and you ju2t 2aiid you two were,

TA: and ii quote,

TA: great friiend2.

CG: AND BY FRIENDS I MEAN LIKE GRADE SCHOOL BUDDIES. YOU KNOW? NONE OF THE “FWB” STUFF ALRIGHT?

CG: WE SPEND A LOT OF OUT TIME JUST CHATTING, WATCHING MOVIES, STUDYING AND CUDDLED UP. ALRIGHT? THAT’S IT.

 

            _And secretly wanting to kiss your face and tell you that I love you._ You sigh softly.

 

TA: of cour2e.

TA: ii diidnt mean two iimply anythiing more than that.

CG: GOOD.

TA: ii mean ii wouldnt blame hiim iif you two diid.

CG: IF THE TWO OF US DID WHAT?

TA: more.

 

            “Oh. My. Fucking. God.” You roll your eyes.

 

CG: BEHOLD! ONE OF THE MANY REASONS WHY I AM *SO* FUCKING CONTENT WITH YOU NOT BEING AROUND.

TA: oh come on.

TA: ii wa2 ju2t 2ayiing.

CG: THAT WAS YOUR SAME EXACT EXCUSE LAST TIME!

TA: well thii2 tiime ii 2peak from experiience.

TA: youre a great per2on,

TA: and fun two be around.

TA: 2o ii wouldnt blame hiim iif he wanted two be more than ju2t friend2 wiith you.

 

            You are somewhat reassured, yet unnerved by Sollux’s statement. You briefly wonder if he’s actually okay with it or is just saying it to be a brown-noser.

 

CG: OH PLEASE. I’M SURE HE HAS NO PROBLEM FINDING PEOPLE WHO ARE A LOT MORE INTERESTING THAN I AM.

CG: MAYBE HE’LL ACTUALLY FIND SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT TO DO IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP.

CG: SINCE IT SEEMS I HAVE SUCH SHITTY LUCK IN MINE AND I’M SO DAMN CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO THE SHIT THAT GOES WITH IT.

CG: *SIGH*

TA: kk you are great catch.

TA: anyone would be lucky two have you.

 

            “Karkat really is.” You just wished you were more confident to tell him.

 

CG: AND IT SEEMS I’M AN EVEN BETTER RELEASE.

TA: that wa2 my mii2take,

TA: ii 2houldve taken better care of you.

CG: SEE, THAT WAS YOUR MISTAKE. NOT THAT YOU LET ME GO, OR THAT I LEFT OR WHATEVER, BUT THAT YEAH, YOU DIDN'T TAKE BETTER CARE OF ME. AND I SEE THAT NOW.

TA: wiill you let me try and fiix that?

TA: even iif iit'2 ju2t a2 a friiend.

TA: ii really dont want u2 two end thiing2 liike thii2.

 

            _Dear lord, help this horny bee._

 

CG: I DON'T KNOW

TA: ii wont pu2h then.

TA: ju2t thiink about iit?

CG: I'M GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.

CG: I'M HONESTLY SO SCARED OF FORGIVING YOU.

TA: why?

CG: BECAUSE PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO CLOSE THIS DAMN BOOK AND BE DONE WITH IT. I'M TIRED. I'M TIRED OF HAVING SO MUCH SHIT ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD.

 

            You nod in agreement with Karkat. You like to think you would have cut someone like Sollux out of your life had it been you.

 

TA: then what 2hould we do?

TA: what do you want two do?

CG: MAYBE WE CAN TAKE IT SLOW.

CG: I DON'T KNOW?

CG: WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT?

TA: ii want two 2ee you.

TA: maybe talk about iit iin per2on?

 

            You squint at the screen, it feels fishy to you.

 

CG: IS MITUNA HOME?

CG: MAYBE YOUR PARENTS?

TA: miituna2 here.

TA: dad one ii2 at work riight now.

TA: but dad two ii2 home.

 

            _Sollux has two dads?_ You can’t compete with that. Well, you guess you aren’t actually competing for anything against him. Karkat pretty much just told him so.

 

CG: WELL THEN YOU'RE LUCKY I OWE MITUNA A GAME. GIVE ME THIRTY MINUTES AND I'LL BE THERE.

TA: 2ee you 2oon then.

CG: YEAH

CG: SEE YOU SOON.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA] \-- **

 

            You scroll down to the next log, hoping to get more information on what happened.

 

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--**

TA: ii learned another math joke.

 

            Which, you don’t find. You keep reading mostly out of curiosity.

 

CG: NO. WE ARE NOT DOING THIS.

CG: I'M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

TA: iim goiing two tell you,

TA: becau2e iit2 really good.

CG: HOE DON'T DO IT.

TA: a^2 plu2 b^2 equal2 you and me^2.

CG: OH MY GOD.

 

            You groan loudly at that. Math puns are lame in your opinion to begin with but that took the cake.

 

TA: ehehehe.

CG: THAT IS SO OLD.

TA: iit2 2tiill gold.

CG: IT'S AS IF YOU JUST REMINDED ME THAT 2 AND 2 IS FISH.

CG: THEN I GUESS IF YOU TOLD BOTH OF THOSE YOU WOULD GET A GOLD FISH.

TA: hell yeah.

 

            You don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

 

CG: DON'T TELL ME YOUR FLIRT GAME IS ALL MATH JOKES AND PUNS.

TA: oh come on,

TA: you u2ed two liike them.

CG: IT'S AN HONEST QUESTION.

CG: I'M STILL WAITING ON THE BEE PUNS TOO.

 

            _Please no._

 

TA: you know all of them already.

CG: HEH. YEAH.

 

            _Oh thank god._

 

TA: bee-2iide2 we both know iit2 mo2tly for tuna2 2ake.

 

            _God fucking damnit._

 

CG: I KNOW. IT'S EASIER TO GET HIS ATTENTION WITH THESE.

CG: DID YOU SEE HIS FACE WHEN I TOLD HIM ABOUT BEEZ NUTS?

 

            _No. No. Stop._

 

TA: oh my god.

TA: he ha2nt 2topped wiith that.

CG: I'M HONESTLY NOT SORRY.

TA: bii-dad2 thiink iit2 funny.

CG: GOOD. I DON'T WANT TO GET IN TROUBLE WITH THEM LIKE LAST TIME.

TA: the 'bee-ouch' thiing wa2 2o underrated.

 

            “‘Bee-ouch’ really?”

 

TA: they diidnt appreciiate iit liike they do,

TA: beez nut2.

CG: I CAN'T COME UP WITH A SINGLE COMMENT THAT IS NOT GOING TO INSULT YOUR DADS AND THEIR LOVE FOR BEEZ NUTS.

TA: beez nut2 are out of fuckiing control.

CG: OKAY WE'RE STOPPING.

 

            _Thank fuck._

 

TA: yeah,

TA: for now.

CG: HEHEHE

 

            You decide to stop there for now. It’s no longer your business, hell it stopped way before but you kept on going. You flop onto your back and rest Karkat’s phone on your chest. _They must have made up then._ You aren’t sure what to do with this information that you really shouldn’t have. You get so lost in thought that you jump about five feet in the air when your own phone rings. You only vaguely recognize the number, and you think it might be Kankri’s.

 “Yo.” You say as you answer it.

 “Oh wow. Chill the fuck down, Mr. Cool. Do you honestly answer all your phone calls with ‘yo’?” Karkat’s voice comes through the speaker instead.

 “Yes.”

 “Remind me never to call you again.” He groans.

 “Why?” You roll over onto your side, glancing up at the clock for the time.

 “It’s embarrassing to say the least.”

 “If it makes it any better, I only do it if I know who’s calling me.” You tell him. You have learned from your past mistakes.

 “And you knew it was me? On Kankri’s phone?” He asks with heavy sarcasm.

 “No, but I had a vague idea it was Kankri’s phone.”

 “I don’t think I have ever rolled my eyes so far into my skull like I just did. If only you were here to see.” He grumbles.

 “What crawled into your biscuit and died?” You ask.

 “If by biscuit you mean my ear, a fucking fly. _And_ it took its time to lay an egg.” He says.

 “Ew. That’s fucking nasty.” You make a face.

 “I’m just fucking kidding, oh my god. I’m fine. My ear is fine. My doctor, however, is a fucking douche who loves to joke around about this sort of thing to make his patients either throw up their lunch or cry their eyes out,” He sighs. “Anyway, did I leave my phone there?” You look down at it guiltily. _You really shouldn’t have gone through it._

 “Yeah. It’s gone off a couple of times too.” You tell him.

 “Mind bringing it over?” He asks.

 “Yeah sure.”

 “Thanks. See you in a bit?”

 “Two shakes of a rabbit’s tail, bro.” You say, getting up and tucking his phone into your pocket.

 “I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but I’ll guess it’s white people for ‘Yeah soon’. Bye.”

 “Later.” You snicker. You hear Karkat mumble something before hanging up. You put your own phone in your other pocket and head out of the apartment.

            You quickly ascend the stairs and make your way over to his door. You tap your knuckle against it and step back as Karkat comes out. He closes the door behind him but stays close to it. You think it’s odd, but just go with it.

 “They were from Sollux.” You say, pulling his phone out and handing it over.

 “Yeah…” He says softly, unlocking his phone and scrolling through the messages.

 “Everything okay?” You ask. He crosses his arms and looks up at you.

 “Yeah. We’ve sort of been talking again. I don’t know. He wants another chance to be my friend.”

 “I see… Will you let him?” You slip your hands into your pockets and try not to be so tense about it.

 “He was one of my best friends, I really miss it sometimes. But, we’ll always be losing and gaining friends in this life, won’t we?” He says, voice soft. You nod.

 “Yeah. Sometimes it’s for the best.”

 “You know, sometimes I forget that,” Karkat offers you a small sad smile. “I’ll start talking to him about my day, about you, about school work, and I just forget how upset I truly am at him. But then I remember and I get upset with myself because I know I’m asking to be let down again.” He sighs. You don’t know what to say or offer to help him.

 “I’m sorry.” You manage. He shakes his head.

 “It’s fine. Besides, I think I made a better friend who I can spend my time with.” Karkat gives you as fond look and you crush down that flutter your heart makes, _not now, but later._

 “Thanks for the phone.” He says.

 “No problem.” You smile at him.

 “See you tomorrow?”

 “Yeah.” You nod. Karkat opens the door behind him and waves at you. You wave back and make your way home. Now is the time to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	23. First Of Many

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Homosexual Slurs  
> -Threats  
> -Mentions of Sexual Conduct  
> -Mentions of Oral  
> -Food  
> -Physical contact  
> -Very slight mention to past suicidal thoughts  
> -Nepeta and Kanaya  
> -Sollux is a douche canoe  
> -JohnVriska in the background

             You are currently chilling in Karkat’s room today. He’s over by his desk, scribbling away at his notebook, while you lay in his bed. You roll onto your side and look over at him. You just need an opening to kickstart your plan. It had finalized and you had called Jade about it immediately afterwards. She had grumbled about it, but you think it was more because it had been four in the morning. Jade said she’d have to see what she could do, and this morning she called you back. She pulled a few strings, but the plan was set. Jade is the best. You owe her, especially if this all goes well.

            Karkat grumbles and scratches his pen angrily into his notebook. You get up and stretch your back. You wonder what the fuck he’s been doing this whole time and you wander over to him. You peek over his shoulder and try to decipher his chicken scratch. _Is he…writing a poem?_

 “Yo Karkat, wha’cha doin’?” You ask. He rips the page out and crumples it into a ball

 “I’m trying to write a poem, but I have lost every romantic fiber in my being since I guess I hate myself that bad.” He throws it at the slowly growing pile of paper balls by his trash bin.

 “Why are you writing poems?” You go over to the pile and pick the ball up. He crosses his arms and huffs.

 “Because of stupid Sollux.” He says. You flatten the page out again and look over what he wrote. It looks good in your opinion, even the parts he’s crossed out.

 “What, are you writing him a love letter?” You ask sarcastically.

 “No,” Karkat whips his head over to you so fast you’re surprised he didn’t get whiplash. “God no!” You can’t help but smile slightly.

 “Then?” You raise an eyebrow. He sighs and groans.

 “So, you know how we’ve been talking for a bit?”

 “Mhmm.” You make your way back over to him and sit on the floor next to his chair.

 “Well, he asked if I had any plans for Valentine’s Day.” He says.

 “Do you?” You ask. It’s vital information.

 “Of course not! But, since I’m a vacuous sniff-node, I told him that I did. So now, I have to make sure I don’t seem as painfully single that day. So here I am, writing myself a sorry ass poem.” He sighs. You look back down at the poem in your hands. It didn’t feel like it was to himself, you thought it might have been to someone else.

 “Just so that I could shove it in my locker with like maybe a flower or two, so that he thinks I have some sort of secret admirer.” Karkatrubs his forehead. You could definitely use this; it’s just what you needed. You’ve been meaning to get it in earlier but with Valentine’s Day tomorrow you really need this to work.

 “Well.” You say.

 “I know, I know, I –”

 “I could totally help.” You cut him off. He looks down at you suspiciously.

 “You think you can write a better poem? Alright, sure. Be my guest. At least that way it wouldn’t be in my handwriting.” He hands you his book and pencil. You take them from him and lean back against his desk.

 “Actually, yours is pretty good.” You admit. You watch his face light up like a Christmas tree before turning to a blank page in his book.

 “You got that iambic pentameter down. Sonnets are classy as fuck too dude.” You say, thinking of what the hell to write.

 “Shut up.” He says.

 “I’m serious.” You glance back up at him.

 “We just did a lot of poetry junk in middle school, alright?”

 “Mhmm,” You remember that segment. “Poetry’s pretty cool. It’s like rap. Sort of.” You may or may not have written a few unironic poems disguised as raps.

 “I guess.” He shrugs. You doodle in the top corner of his notebook and write down the rhyme schemes you can remember off the top of your head. Karkat leans back in his chair, it creaks slightly with his movement. You get hit with an idea and start applying it to the paper.

 “So, I’m not doing anything on V-Day either.” You say, wanting to talk and not have to think in total silence.

 “I can think of maybe just a handful of friends who might. Of course I always get one of those little cards with the Hershey’s kiss taped onto it from a few people. You know?” He says. You nod in agreement, thinking of what could rhyme with the words you got and still keep the same idea flowing.

 “Well, if you need more than _just_ a secret admirer to shoo that busy bee away with, you got me.” You tell him.

 “What do you mean?” He asks.

 “I mean I’m willing to be your _not_ secret admirer.” You tap the pencil against the paper, thinking of the next verse.

 “So, you want to be my fake not secret admirer?” He asks with amusement in his voice.

 “I’ll be your Valentine if I must.” You smile up at him.

 “You really don’t have to. I mean, if you want to help with the poem then alright. If Sollux asks too much I guess I can say that you wrote it and what not.” He chews his lip. You hum and add more to your doodle before thinking of the next set of lines.

 “Dude, I’d be so down.” You tell him.

 “Yeah?” He asks.

 “Yeah.” You nod. Karkat hums.

 “Who do _you_ need off your back?”

 “No one.” You say honestly. You finish the last stanza up and reread the whole thing. You think it’s a bit lame and you play with the edges of the paper.

 “Then?” He presses.

 “Just wouldn’t mind it is all.” You hand him back his book. He takes it from you.

 “Let’s see.” He mumbles softly. You swallow down past your nerves and anxiety to watch his reaction to it. He clears his throat and sits up more properly. _Oh god he’s going to read it out loud?_

_“‘Come my love,_

_Let me take you by the hand._

_For I will fight the Gods above,_

_To protect this sacred land._

_To take it, oh so sweetly,_

_From those gentle loving lips._

_To have you all completely,_

_With the rocking of those hips._

_To listen to those cries,_

_From the heat of these flames._

_A passion that defies,_

_Our combined shames._

_And hold you safe in my arms,_

_For I have fallen for all your charms.’”_

You think you are about to die. It’s one thing to read it, a whole different thing for it to be read aloud. Karkat is as red as a fucking tomato, although you are probably the same.

 “Well.” He says after a moment.

 “I-is it good?” You ask nervously.

 “Uh…Yeah. Yeah.” He nods. You let out a relieved laugh.

 “Thank god.”

 “You’re really passionate. Sweet, cute, and kind of hot.” He says with a nervous little laugh back.

 “What can I say, I have a great muse.” You shrug slightly. He nods.

 “Drake or Kanye?” Karkat asks.

 “You.” _Wait._ You _did not_ say that out loud. He blinks at you and you try not to panic. _Fuck._ Karkat clears his throat and hands you back your poem.

 “Alright you’re hired.”

 “How many more do you want?” You ask, taking the book back.

 “I think the one will do. I don’t know.” He sighs and chews on his lip again. You count how many notebooks you recall seeing in his backpack. _That plus his locker and maybe one more to hand him would make how many?_ You tap your pencil against the paper.

 “I don’t think this is going to work.” Karkat sighs.

 “What won’t?” You ask, snapped back into reality.

 “Using you like this,” He shakes his head. “No Dave, forget it. I can just tell Sollux I lied and I’m still single, not too sure how to continue to mingle.”

 “Who said you were using me?” You ask.

 “You just told me you’d be my not secret admirer.”

 “Yeah. Is it really using me if I want to?”

 “Well yeah? I’m practically taking you as tribute.”

 “I volunteered as tribute.” You point out, emphasizing it by pointing the pencil at him.

 “I know.” He pinches his nose.

 “So?” You ask. Karkat sighs.

 “Wow. I must be _so_ pathetic.”

 “Not really.” You try to argue.

 “I wrote myself a love poem, Dave, because for some reason I couldn’t admit to my ex that I don’t have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. Now, one of my best friends is going to pity me and help me write stuff and no.” He shakes his head again.

 “He’s also a douche.” You hum.

 “So then you’re doing it just to make him angry?”  Karkat gives you a look.

 “Nah, that’s just a bonus.” You tap your head lightly against his desk. He’s still giving you that look and you sigh softly.

 “Just…” You start before your voice gets caught in your throat. He looks down at you. You take a deep breath and try again.

 “Be my Valentine?” You look up at him. He’s silent for a bit before the corners of his lips pull up just slightly.

 “Your Valentine?” He asks.

 “Yeah.” You nod. You can feel your blush creeping it’s way up your ears and across you chest. Karkat looks as red as you feel you are.

 “Only if you’d be mine?” He asks, almost a whisper. You give him a very wide smile.

 “Yeah.” You have so many irons in the fire now, to quote a certain spiderbitch. You are going to woo the shit out of him. Karkat smiles back.

 “Alright um, then sure. I uh…I guess I have a better muse for my writing now.” He says.

 “I’ll just have to out-poem you.” You are already putting another poem together in your head.

 “That shouldn’t be too hard.” He gets out of his chair and flops down on his bed.

 “Oh, we shall see.” You look over your shades at him.

 “I think I also know exactly what sort of gift I’m going to grab for you.” Karkat smirks over at you.

 “So do I.” You hum and go over to the bed as well. You hop up onto the empty side and lay on your back. He rolls over on his side to face you.

 “Let’s be fair and try to not get too out of hand? Like please don’t trade a camel for a rare emerald to try and woo me with okay?” He says with a soft laugh.

 “Alright, alright, I’ll just give you the camel.” You snicker.

 “Please do not give me a camel.” Karkat shakes his head. You tap the pencil against the paper and laugh with him. You find yourself writing another sonnet, making sure he can’t see it. You have more plans now. You carefully space it out into seven sections; making one for each class and one to hand him. You glance around his room inconspicuously for some scissors and casually wait for Karkat to leave.

            When Kankri gets home and asks for Karkat’s help with dinner, you act fast. You tear the page out and with the scissors you spotted on his desk, cut couplets out. Grabbing the paper strips you now have, you make your way over to his backpack and open it. You figure he’s got his notebooks in the order he has to grab them for class. _You really hope so_. You open each notebook and slide a strip of poem into it. You place it all back how it was and go hop back on his bed.

            With the last couplet, you fold it carefully in half, pop off your phone case, and tuck the paper inside it. You lie back down on his bed and put the case back on. Karkat comes back grumbling about something under his breath. You nudge his shoulder with yours when he faceplants onto the spot next to you. He doesn’t respond and the two of you stay like that for a bit.

            You eventually stretch your arms above your head and sit up. Karkat turns his head to look up at you. You pop your back and neck, before telling him that you should go home. He nods and pushes himself upright to give you a more proper goodbye. He walks you out to the front door and you wave politely to him and Kankri before taking off. 

            You quickly jog down the stairs and get into your apartment, greeting Bro on your way in. He nods at you and you toss your backpack into your room. You sit down at your desk and pull out an old ratty notebook of yours. It’s chock-full of half-assed rhymes and doodles. You flip to a blank page and pull out your phone.

** \-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \-- **

TG: yo rose

TG: i gotta ask you something

TT: Yes, Dave?

TT: What is it that I have to ask Kanaya now?

TG: dude

TG: its so weird when you do that

TG: we’ve talked about this rose

TG: dont do the weird future prediction thing

TT: My sincerest apologies.

TG: aight

TG: so

TG: i need you to ask kanaya something

TT: I figured, yes.

TG: shut up

TG: i need to know what karkats favorite flowers are

TT: I shall ask her.

TT: Give me a moment please.

TG: k

            You stare at the blank page while you wait. You decide to mix it up and do a haiku instead of another sonnet. Haikus are fucking easy; you don’t have to exactly rhyme anything. You end up counting syllables for several minutes, coming up with a few ideas but not liking the result.

 

TT: She says that he likes white lilies, red carnations, and red roses.

TG: aight

TG: cool

TG: i can do that

TT: Do what, exactly?

TG: dont worry

TG: youll see

TG: or hear

TG: hell you probably already know

TT: I have an idea.

TG: and that is my cue to go

TT: I will pick your brain later.

TG: i know

TG: later

TT: Dave.

TG: yes

TT: Don’t forget to set your alarm clock.

TT: You’ll have to wake up earlier if you want to buy him flowers.

TG: yes mom

** \-- turntechGodhead  [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \-- **

 

            You open the alarm on your phone and set it for a half hour before your usual wake up time. You also set the alarm on your clock a full hour before it normally goes off. You nod to yourself and silently thank Rose before plopping back down at your desk.

            You pick out the Haiku you like the best and rewrite it with your nicest handwriting. Taking the book, you roll your chair over to your backpack and put the book inside. You push off the floor and slide your chair back over to your desk. You boot up your laptop and start looking at the places nearby that takes good care of their flowers. It takes you longer than you thought it would, but it’s all right. You get out of your chair and get ready for bed.

            When you’ve just about finished, you pull out a red marker. On the back of your hand you write down the flowers Rose told you. You plop onto your back on your bed. You stare up at the ceiling, trying to will yourself to sleep. You have things to do tomorrow, _especially that plan you made with Jade._ It takes quite a bit before your brain finally shuts off and you sleep.

 

* * *

 

            You run to the store first, looking at all the flowers available and pull out the nicest bouquet. You practically throw your exact change at the store clerk before you take off with them. You stop about a block away from the school and slip the haiku you wrote into the bouquet. You take a deep breath and walk onto campus.

            You head for Karkat’s locker, where you said you would meet. His back is towards you when you get there, talking to Kanaya and Nepeta. Nepeta can see what you are holding and she gives you a small smirk. You tap Karkat’s shoulder. He glances over and turns to face you when he recognizes you.

“Hey.” Karkat says with a large smile before looking at what you have in your hands.

“Hey.” You say back. Kanaya looks over at Nepeta, giving her a suggestive smile.

“Um. Happy Valentine’s Day.” He offers over his gifts to you. You hand him his flowers and take your gift. Karkat got you a small bottle of AJ, _fucking score,_ a chocolate shaped apple that you didn’t know existed until now, and a red crocodile plush.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Karkat.” You say, pretty pleased to have your loot. Karkat holds his flowers close to himself, smiling down at them.

“Fuckin’ AJ and apple chocolate? Hell yes. Hell. Fucking. Yes.” You examine the box containing the apple, trying to figure out how you’d eat it later.

“I know, it’s not really _romantic_ but, I knew you’d like it.” He glances back up at you.

“Dude, I’m set for life. I love it.”

“Aw Kar _kitty_ , you didn’t mention having a boy _fur_ end. I thought you were still shippable.” Nepeta pouts softly. Kanaya covers her mouth to stifle her giggle. You play with the crocodile’s little feet and ignore how red you feel right now. Karkat gives them a look, which Kanaya responds by making kissing faces at. Nepeta gives you both a wink.

“I’ll walk you to class?” Karkat says, choosing to ignore them both.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You smile at him. He takes your arm by his free hand and starts pulling you away.

“Make sure you’re not late _fur_ first!” Nepeta calls from behind you.

“We won’t!” You say, following Karkat.

“Please be safe. As they say, ‘No glove, no love’!” Kanaya yells.

“THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY SAY! GO TO CLASS KANAYA!” Karkat screeches, embarrassed. He hooks his arm in yours and you both walk to your class. He’s red to his ears, hell, you think you are too. He looks down at his flowers.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” You smile at him, kissing his shoulder with your crocodile. He chuckles and you lightly bump him. He rests his head against your arm.

“Yes.” He says suddenly.

“Yes?” You ask.

“Your card or um…” He points to the flowers. You can just read the text from where you are:

 

_‘Karkat my dearest,_

_From the bottom of my heart,_

_Be my Valentine?’_

“Oh yeah.” You laugh softly, feeling a bit silly.

“Yeah.” He comes to a stop in front of your classroom. You smile at him and when the five-minute bell rings you duck down and kiss his cheek gently.

“Get to class.” You tell him. His hand touches where you kissed him and he nods.

“Y-yeah.” You wave with the crocodile’s foot, since it has no arms for some reason. He waves back and heads off for his class.

            You make your way to your desk and plop down into your chair. You carefully arrange your loot on your desk. John comes in a couple of minutes later, arms covered in whatever Vriska got him. He takes his seat next to you, dumping his items on the desk. John looks over at you and gasps softly.

“So, it’s _true_.” He says giving you a look.

“What’s true?” You raise an eyebrow.

“That you _finally_ asked Karkat out. It sure took you long enough! Why didn’t you tell me before?” John practically vibrates with excitement.

“We’re Valentines. Chill. No one said anything about being datemates.” You say.

“Is it not the same thing? Plus, Jade told me about your _plan_. Isn’t it?” He asks.

“Well, sorta? It’s complicated. I’m working on telling him.” You lean back in your chair.

“So what are you planning? Are you for reals? Like, are you crushing Dave?” John tries to organize the mess on his desk, giving you a teasing smile.

“I’m…I’m more than crushin’ by this point.” You mumble.

“Wait, what?” His smile drops and he scoots his desk a bit closer to yours. “No way, like, are you _in love_ with Karkat?” You play with the cute crocodile you got, unable to wipe away your big smile.

“I…” You chuckle nervously.

“Oh my god. You don’t even have to answer. You’re fucking smiling and playing with the plush he got you.”

“Shut up, it’s a cute crocodile.” You stick your tongue out at him.

“And I bet you think it’s a ‘cute’ _Karkat_ too.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“Maybe.”

“Eh? Ehhhhhh?” He nudges you with his elbow. You bite your lip.

“Okay. Yeah. Fine. He’s very cute. There. Are you happy?”

“Oh. My. God. That’s so gay.” He says.

“Fuck off.” You roll your eyes.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way. I mean like, you know? Karkat likes guys too so, that’s good for you. No?” John takes out his binder from his backpack when the final bell rings.

“Yeah.” You drag your notebook out as well.

“So when are you going to make your move? I mean, since you say asking him to be your Valentine isn’t?” He asks.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just fess up to it today. Maybe he’ll get it. I dunno.” You flip to an empty page and look up at the whiteboard.

“Dude, we should totally have a double date some day.” John says.

“What? I don’t know about that.” You look over at him.

“A double date you know? You two and me and Vriska.”

“I _know_ what a double date is John. I just don’t know how comfortable Karkat would be with that,” _If he even says yes to dating you._ “Let alone me.” You mumble softly.

“We’ll see once you two are actually an item.” He hums. You start jotting down the notes on the whiteboard.

“Maybe.”

“Yeah.” John copies down the entirety of the board. You wonder if Karkat has found the first part of the sonnet.

 

_Out of all the people that I know,_

_There is only one that holds my heart._

            You scribble down notes and when the bell rings, pack up and move onto your second period. You wave to John and quickly cross campus. You slide into your chair right as the final bell rings. You tap your pencil on your desk and pay attention to the lecture. Karkat should be finding the second part soon.

 

_Words almost cannot describe my beau,_

_For they are like a piece of fine art_

            Second period ends uneventfully and you make your way to third. Jade waves at you as you make your way to your desk near hers. She turns around to face you better and leans against her chair.

“So, you’re still on for tonight?” She asks.

“Fuck yeah, I am.” You lean against your desk.

“Remember, you gotta be there a bit early. It gets packed there today.”

“I know. We’ll head over after we drop our shit off at home.” You tell her. Jade nods.

“If you aren’t there in a half hour, I have to give it up.” She warns.

“I know, I know.” You nod. The two of you turn back to the front of the room when the teacher walks in just after the bell. You are distracted by your nerves and can’t focus on the whiteboard. Karkat should find the next part by now.

 

_His laugh is musical,_

_His smile simply stunning._

            You tell Jade that you’ll see her at lunch and make your way back across campus for your fourth, Photography. You drop your stuff by your table and make your way over to the small pile of film canisters. You quickly pick yours up and slip into the darkroom with the rest of your group. You make your way into the far back room inside and shut the door.

Once everything has been prepared you turn off the lights, you are developing film today. You do your best not to bump into Equius, who now has this class. It’s second semester, shit gets rearranged, and students have new schedules if they’ve begged the faculty enough.

            You two talk quietly to each other. You learn he’s actually a pretty nice guy. The two of you look at each other’s negatives once they’ve developed. Equius has a good eye; he tells you that he finds quite a lot of peace from taking photos. You can’t help but agree with him.

 

_He is absolutely beautiful,_

_He sets my heart running._

            You walk out with Equius and Nepeta quickly grabs his arm and leads him away. Whether it’s for his next class or lunch, you know not. John shows up shortly after, bringing his arm around your neck and tugging you down into his shoulder. He leads, _drags really_ , you to lunch. He’s bouncing on his feet, genuinely excited over your plan and possible double dates.

            You sit down at the table the four of you usually occupy, Jade and Rose showing up a bit later. Rose gives you that knowing smile.

“Did he like them?” She asks.

“He loved them.” You nod.

“Who loves what?” Jade looks over at you.

“Karkat loved the flowers I got him.” You poke at the food on your tray.

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” She smiles. Rose nods in agreement. You smile softly. John sucks in a deep breath and you look over at him. There is mischief in his eyes and you don’t trust him at this instant.

“Don’t–” You start to warn him.

“Dave and Karkat sitting in a tree.” He sings.

“Stop.”

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Jade and Rose join in.

“I fucking hate you guys.”

“First comes love.”

“Oh my god.”

“Then comes marriage.”

“Dear Jesus.”

“Here comes Dave, with the baby carriage.” They finish, busting into laughter.

“Fuck off.” You laugh with them. It’s infectious, you can’t help it. You enjoy the rest of your lunch, before parting ways for fifth.

            Nepeta is waiting by the door and she follows you in. You sit at your desk and pull out your notebook. You go to flip to an empty page, but her hand comes down harshly against the book. You look up at her.

“If you hurt him, I will come for you.” She says seriously. You nod slowly. She could probably kick your ass in a fight; you have no doubt about it.

“Good.” Nepeta smiles sweetly. She happily jogs back to her desk. You have never been more afraid of a girl before. You glance over at where she sits. She is all smiles, with her kitten notebooks and cute pencils. _Holy fuck she’s terrifying._ You wonder if Karkat has found the fifth piece of the poem.

 

_His heart is kind,_

_His words are wise._

 

            You totally don’t run the moment the bell rings out of fear of Nepeta. Nope. You also totally don’t run to sixth because it’s the Chemistry class you and Karkat share. You walk in and take your usual seat. Sollux comes in after the warning bell, taking a seat behind you somewhere. You don’t really care. The final bell rings and Karkat just barely makes it in. Your teacher has him sit in the back for being late. It sucks, you really wanted to see his face when he finds the sixth part of his poem.

 

_My heart has found itself twined,_

_From the look of his eyes._

 

            You find yourself checking over your shoulder for Karkat’s reaction. He seems to be more focused on what the teacher is saying, writing down notes as the lecture continues. Your hands slip into your pockets, one hand running over the edges of your phone. You are nervous to give him the final couplet, yet you have never been so thankful for the bell’s ringing.

            You get up, fully intent on going to Karkat when the teacher stands in front of you. You look up at him, pausing in your rushed attempt to cram everything back into your bag.

“May I have a word with you, Mr. Strider?” He asks. You nod dumbly and look over to where Karkat had been. He’s gone. You follow the teacher to his desk.

            You aren’t really paying that much attention to him. He’s going on about how he’s proud of you for getting your act together and doing well on your last exam. You nod along, humming when input is vaguely needed. He goes on about responsibilities, future, and shit, and that if you need to you can come talk to him. He also reminds you about needing to get a high grade on the last exam to pass his class and balance out your GPA.

“Yep, a’ight. Got it memorized. May I go now?” You ask, getting extremely antsy. You really just want to catch up with Karkat and give him his final part to his poem.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you need to catch a bus?” The teacher asks.

“…Yes.” You flat out lie. _Anything to get you out of here faster._ He apologizes and lets you go. _Fucking finally,_ you run out of the class and go to find Karkat.

            You find him near his locker, Sollux standing in front of him. He’s glaring harshly at Karkat. You know this means it’s time to intervene. You jog over, a bit out of breath.

“Hey.” You say to Karkat.

“Hey.” He doesn’t look at you, glaring back at Sollux. You wondered what happened. Karkat holds his flowers close to himself. Sollux ignores you completely. _Fine, two can play at that game._ You turn away from him, giving Karkat your full attention.

“I need to give you something before we head out.” You tell him. He breaks his gaze from Sollux to look over at you.

“What is it?” He asks.

“ _Yeah_. What is it?” Sollux repeats. You put your back to Sollux and pull your phone out of your pocket. You pop off the case and grab the slip of paper you had put there yesterday. Karkat watches you, confused as fuck as you hand him the paper. He takes it from you and unfolds it.

 

_I just wished I had the courage to say,_

_How much I truly love him every day._

 

            You watch him nervously, putting you phone case back on to keep your hands busy. His eyes slide over the words as he reads it. Slowly, a large smile breaks his face.

“What is it?” Sollux asks from behind you. You continue to ignore him. Karkat turns red and hides his face in your chest.

“You’re so fucking cheesy.” He says. You smile widely down at him.

“So you found the others then?” You ask. He nods.

“Other what?” An annoying buzzing bee asks. Karkat glances back up at you.

“You’re so fucking cheesy. You just wanted to see what shade of red I’d turn after all this didn’t you?”

“Maybe a bit more than that…” You laugh nervously. Sollux makes some sort of irritated noise. Karkat hums softly and leans back away from your chest. He looks over your shoulder at Sollux.

“Just a note. Chill.” He tells him. You turn around and give Sollux a smirk. _You see this, this is how you treat your man._ Sollux responds with a harsh glare. You casually bring an arm around Karkat’s waist. His eyes drop to your arm. You almost want to fuck some more with him, but you’ve got plans to take care of.

“You ready to go Karkat?” You ask.

“Where are you going?” Sollux’s glare intensifies.

“What are you, his _bee_ -keeper?” You counter. Karkat makes a face at your lame ass word play. Sollux growls at you.

“Home.” He tells Sollux.

“Nah.” You shake your head. Karkat looks up at you. You smile back down at him and squeeze him a bit closer to you.

“We’re goin’ on a date remember?” You wink, it’s ineffective behind tinted shades. His blush cranks up to another shade of red.

“Oh yeah,” It sounds more like a question than a statement, but he tries to save it. “Was that today? I thought we were going to wait until the weekend.” He glances away and stares at a locker.

“Nope, it’s today. Because, as your V-date, I’m going to spoil the shit out of you.” You tell him. Karkat gets even redder and practically shoves his face into his bouquet. Out of the corner of your eye you can see the tight fists Sollux makes. You keep your smile directed at Karkat.

“We should head out then.” He says. You nod in agreement and Karkat spares a quick look over at Sollux.

“I guess we’ll see you tomorrow.” He tells him.

“Yeah. Later.” He says tensely, moving stiffly away.

“Byeeeee!” You say in the most obnoxious voice possible. Karkat rolls his eyes at you. He adjusts his backpack and makes sure his locker is locked up.

“You just love making him angry don’t you?” He asks, leading you out. You follow right next to him.

“As much as I do, I was being serious about that.” You tell him.

“Which part? The note or you not liking the fact that he feels like my beekeeper?”

“Both. But mostly the spoiling.” You say. _That definitely counts as confessing right?_

“What did we say about the camel? I said no camels and no emeralds Dave.” He laughs softly.

“I don’t see a camel.” You look around. Karkat reaches out and takes your hand once the two of you are off campus.

“You know what I mean.” He says. You lace your fingers together.

“We are totally going out though. For dinner at least.”

“Alright,” He hums. “You want to stop at McDonalds right now? Or do we go later?”

“Not goin’ to McDs.” You swing his arm gently.

“Alright then let’s just order a pizza. I can make us some dessert.” He smiles softly up at you. You shake your head and his face shifts to confused.

“As nice as dessert sounds, I have a _plan_. To quote a dear acquaintance of ours, ‘I have irons in the fire’.”

“Oh my fucking god, the last thing I need is you to do is start talking like Vriska.” Karkat groans.

“I know, just doing that creeped me out a bit. Anyway, do you trust me?” You look down at him. He looks up at you.

“Yes, I trust you _but_ you have to tell me what you’re up to. You really don’t have to do this. If it’s because you want to make Sollux jealous I can just tell him that yeah, we totally went out, totally made out by then end of the night and we are now dating. Plot twist, we’ve been dating for like three months now. Oh my god, could you imagine the look on his face?” He laughs. You snicker along with him. _It would be so much nicer if it actually happens though._

“Maybe we can do that for April Fool’s, holy shit.” His laugh slowly dies down.

“Yeah.” You agree.

“Nepeta would shit cat sand. Well, more like a brick of cat litter since it would be compressed.” He snickers.

“But…” You start, feet stopping where they land. Karkat stops with you and looks at you. You push past the nerves.

“I honestly, _really_ , want to do this.” You tell him.

“Alright sure, we’ll prank them in April.” He shrugs, going to start walking again.

“No, no. I mean…this.” You say with a vague gesture of your hands. The gears are spinning in his mind.

“Um. This lil’ date.” You laugh nervously. You hear the very soft _‘oh’_ he says but you can’t just stop here yet.

“It’s not to piss Sollux off or make him jealous. I… I want to do this.” You say.

“You’re asking me out on a date?” He asks.

“I guess I am. It um…i-it doesn’t have to…um t-to mean anything if you uh don’t want it to.” You choke.

“I’d like that.” Karkat says, biting on his lip. You breathe a sigh of relief.

“Yeah?” He clears his throat and nods. You start walking back home again.

“Uh yeah. Sure. I mean, you seem to really want to go out tonight and um… Sure. I’d like that. A small date sounds nice. Why not?”

“Fuck yeah. I have a nice place in mind.” You smile. The plan is _finally_ in action.

“Oh no, no. We can have something small. You don’t have to go crazy dude. I’m totally down for like Chinese at home or maybe, I don’t know, we can actually _go_ to Pizza Hut. There’s no need to try and woo me Dave, I’m already yours.” He says quickly looking up at you. _Already mine, huh?_ You give him a teasing smirk.

“I mean! Like! I already said yes to this date! No need to try and convince me!” He shouts hastily, trying to cover up what he’s said. It’s too late, you’ve already heard it and it’s not going to go away that easily.

“To say yes again that is! I mean… You know what I mean. You don’t have to spoil me rotten.” He puffs out his cheeks.

“I know but I already had this planned if you had said yes. So there’s no convincing me _not_ to do this.” You shrug.

“Wait, what?” He looks over at you.

“I was…really hoping you’d say yes.” You confess. He gives you a small smile.

“Well. Then, it’s a good thing I did.”

“Yeah.” You squeeze his hand and smile back at him.

“So then do we just head out that way now?” He asks.

“We should put those in water, shouldn’t we?” You gesture to the flowers. Karkat looks down at them and nods several times. They look a bit worn out, but they’ll perk right back up in some water.

“Then let’s go do that, maybe get changed.” You say.

“Changed? Alright? How…fancy are you planning this ‘date’?” He asks looking down at what he’s wearing.

“Not wedding in a church fancy. Maybe a couple of steps below Dad-con.” You say.

“Dad-con?”

“It’s something John’s dad goes to.” You try to explain. Honestly, you have no clue what it actually is, but his dad always goes to it. Karkat just looks even more confused.

“Okay. Like. Not suit and tie, but nice. Like nicer than what we’re currently wearing.” You say. Karkat chews on his lip.

“So you mean like, cute date attire?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You say, swinging your arms once more.

“Alright.” He nods.

            The two of you make your way to your respective floors in the apartment complex. You quickly throw your clothes off and toss them onto the floor, pulling on nicer and cleaner ones. You take a deep breath to settle your nerves and after triple checking that you have everything you need, you head upstairs to wait for Karkat.

            He comes out shortly after you arrive. You offer him your hand and lead him to the bus stop. _God he’s so cute._ While the bus wouldn’t be your first choice of transportation, it’s the only way for you two to actually get where you have in mind. It’s _way_ too far of a walk. You should know. You tried once. In the summer. You almost had passed out from heat exhaustion. Walking there is a no go.

            Karkat keeps asking where you two are going and you continue to not tell him where. He gets frustrated and makes pouty faces up at you. You tell him where you are _not_ going to appease him. It doesn’t exactly work. You get off the bus at the mall stop and take him with you. You lead him over to the restaurant you had already decided on. There are a shit ton of people just waiting outside. _You are so glad that you called Jade._

“You know, there’s also this cute café across the road.” Karkat says looking at the mass of people outside and up at you.

“Trust me.” You say, pushing open the heavy wooden door and making your way inside. You walk straight to the counter. Jade, _dear sweet Jade_ , comes up to the counter.

“Hi, Dave.” She says with a smile.

“Hey Jade.” You smile back.

“You guys are just on time,” She says, reaching down and grabbing a couple of menus.

“For two?” She asks, as if she doesn’t know.

“Yes ma’am.” You nod and smile over at Karkat. He’s been silent beside you since the two of you walked in. He looks a bit nervous around the amount of people. You don’t blame him really.

“Alright, right this way.” Jade hums and leads you two into the fine establishment. She makes her way towards the back by the windows and stands by a booth. You and Karkat quickly slide into your seats. She places the menus down in front of you two and pulls out her little order book.

“So, welcome to Olive Garden. Can I get you started with anything to drink?” Jade asks, looking at you two with a bright smile.

“Water.” Karkat says softly, shuffling his utensils around.

“Coke.” You look up at her. She nods dutifully and writes it down.

“Alright. I shall be back with that momentarily.” She curtsies slightly and moves on to another table. Karkat opens his menu and looks over at you.

“So. You had reservations?”

“I was _really_ hoping you’d say yes.” You say, pulling yours open as well. Honestly you have no clue what half the food here is but the breadsticks are bomb.

“How could I have said no? It’s free food.” He says with a small smile.

“Mhmm.” You smile and roll your eyes. Karkat chuckles and rests his arms on the table.

“You either made it last month or Jade helped you out. Which was it mister ‘hope’?” He asks.

“I really owe Jade.” You say. He snickers and looks over to where she’s at now. She’s taking orders from another table with a fancy looking woman and a very refined looking man, both of whom look very familiar.

“How long has she been working here?” Karkat asks, snapping you away from recognizing the faces.

“About a year now.” You remember how excited she had been to get it.

“Cool.” He hums softly.

“Yeah.” You look over the menu and try to figure out what looks like its good. Karkat gives you a wry look.

“Do you need me to steal you a kid’s menu again?”

“I’ll beat you at the dot game.” You laugh softly.

“I don’t think they have the dot game here.” He glances around. You have no clue, you think you’ve only been here like twice. Neither time were you able to make off with one.

“I think it’s just a coloring page and maybe a cross word.” He says.

“Yeah, probably.” That wouldn’t surprise you really.

“Or we can just be mature adults and talk while we wait.” Karkat teases.

“I’m not mature enough?” You ask.

“I think you are.” He says, sliding his hand across the table for yours. You place your hand on top of his, gently rubbing the knuckles.

“How are you doing?” He asks you softly. The implication is obvious to you.

“I’m okay… I had a talk with Bro about it.” You reply.

“You did? How did it go? What did you tell him?” He turns his hand and gently runs his thumb over yours. You hadn’t told him about it before and he seems concerned.

“It was something. There had been a lot of yelling at first but I think he was just scared. _Really_ scared.” You know he was. It had been jarring to see Bro like that. Karkat nods.

“What happened?”

“He found some old um… _letters_ …” You flex your jaw. You still don’t want to think too much about them. Karkat nods softly and quietly laces his fingers with yours after a moment.

“It’s what scared him. But we calmed down and talked about it a bit.”

“That’s good. How was it? Are you two, y’know, alright?” He asks.

“Yeah. I found out he had been a stripper.” You tell him. He covers his mouth and tries not to laugh.

“Alright. Cool.” He nods.

“And um he…kind of already knew about the drugs. And Bro knows Gamzee for some reason?” You still don’t know how that one worked. Karkat makes a face at you, confused and surprised like you had been.

“Right? Like, what the fuck?” You say. He chuckles softly.

“Well, Gamzee’s very well known on the streets so…” He trails off. You hum. You had come to a similar conclusion. You know that Bro had worked on the streets before so it wouldn’t be too far of a leap.

“Maybe he worked with him.” You say softly.

“You’d have to ask him.” Karkat says.

“Yeah. Or we could ask Gamzee.”

“I would get you an answer right now but,” He takes his phone out and sets it on silent. “I don’t like to mess with my phone when I’m out on a good date.” He says with a soft smile. You smile back. _Why is he so sweet?_ He turns the phone around to show you the screen.

“Look at this.”

“What?” You glance down at it.

“I already have a message from Kanaya, two from Nepeta.” He pulls his phone back and bites his lip. _He had one from Sollux too._ You decide not to mention it right now. You can let your curiosity get the best of you later.

“The girls must be wondering how the rest of my day was with you.” He says.

“Probably.” You hum. He nods softly, stuffing his phone back into his pocket and looking back at you.

“Sollux probably just wants to know if we touched willies yet.” You joke. _Open mouth, insert foot._

“Maybe. He’s been…very curious about you.” He shrugs.

“Oh? Why?” You had already known that from your snooping last time. You didn’t really find out why, though you have a sneaking suspicion of what it probably is.

“Yeah. I don’t know.” Karkat groans, staring at the menu.

“Why are you talking with him again then?” You hum. He plays with the corner of his menu.

“We were just…very good friends before everything had happened. So I guess I was trying to save that. He seemed to have wanted to but now,” He sighs. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“I’m sorry.” You say. He shrugs a shoulder.

“He’s just not interested in what he says he is, and to be honest, I don’t want to deal with it. I just wanted my friend back. I never meant to let him get his hopes up or whatever the fuck that’s been happening with him. He always gets so angry when he sees you that I honestly don’t know if he’s jealous because we’re such close friends or because he thinks we’re _‘touching willies’_.”

“So why not just drop his ass?” You ask.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

 “He honestly knows too much. Yeah, I know that sounds bad, but he does, and I don’t know. It’s not like I fear that he’ll spill shit but like… Alright, so, I love all my friends. I do. I might be a huge dick but I love them but, I haven’t been honest with all of them. At least when it comes to myself. Sollux knows a lot of my history, _a lot_ of shit Dave. When things start to haunt me i-it’s nice to go to someone who knows what’s up.” He chews his lip.

“Yeah…I know.” You nod. You probably couldn’t go to John or Rose for the things you’d go to Karkat for.

“Guess I’m just being selfish and been trying to forgive him. Just so that I can have him as backup for a day I just fall on my face on all that shit. I just hate that for some stupid reason he’s not content with that. Like, that’s more than I could give anyone else, you know? My trust. But no.” He rants continuing to play with the edge of his menu and glancing around the restaurant. You listen quietly to him, shifting the silverware around on the table.

“People always want more or not what you can offer. Or what you _want_ to offer.” He sighs. You squeeze his hand that’s still laced with yours.

“It’s probably not much but you got me too. And I might know what’s going on, but I’m here for you too.”

“I know you are, just like I’m here for you.” He looks up at you with watery eyes. You rub his knuckles gently, hoping to help sooth him.

“I’ll tell you someday.” Karkat says softly.

“Alright guys!” Jade comes over, drinks and breadsticks in hand. She places everything down with ease. Karkat lets go of your hand and dabs at his face with his napkin before looking up at her.

“What will you two be having?” She asks, checkbook out in her hand once more. Karkat glances back down at the menu.

“Uh…”

“That.” You say, pointing at something at random. _You really should stop doing that._ Jade leans over a bit to read what you’re pointing at.

“Dave, you hated that.” She reminds you.

“I did? Fuck.” You look over what you dumbly pointed out and decide that yeah, you probably did.

“I’ll have the uh…Chicken Parmesan Pasta.” Karkat decides. Jade nods and writes it down. He asks her about the sauce to help you get more time to figure out what to order. You finally find something that does look good, but fuck trying to pronounce it.

“That.” You say, pointing at it. Jade looks down at the menu to where you are pointing. She writes it down as well.

“Alright, anything else for you two love birds?” She asks with a smile. Karkat gives her a flat look and you cover up a laugh behind your hand.

“And a side of ‘shut the fuck up Jade’,” She says, leaning forward and picking up your menus. “I’ll get that started for you guys.” Karkat snorts softly once she’s gone. You look around a bit more and you figure out how to start paying Jade back. Karkat reaches forward and grabs a bread stick from the basket.

“So why did you have to stay after Chem?” He asks.

“Some congratulations on improving shit and needing a ‘B’ to pass on my final.” You say.

“ _‘Ay si’_. Going to pass to the next grade with all high marks, mister ‘A/B honor roll’ Strider.” He teases.

“Yeah. Definitely not going to get honors though.” You roll your eyes.

“So? Neither am I. Maybe Kanaya will and _maybe_ Equius too. But so?”

“Isn’t it something you want?” You shrug.

“I don’t know? For some people it’s really important, for some it’s everything. For me, just knowing that I tried my best is enough. My priority at the moment is to enjoy what I can do and not put too much pressure on things that aren’t the most important on my list.”

“Yeah.” You hum in agreement.

“Besides that, I think it’s good you’re doing well in school. It means we’re studying well, although most of the time we just end up watching TV.”

“Yeah.” You laugh softly and rip the tip off of your breadstick. You set it aside on the table. You can feel Karkat’s eyes watching you intensely.

“You know, if this date is going so bad that you want to shove the breadsticks away and ditch, you can just take the whole stick.” He says, taking a bite out of his. You shake your head.

“Nah,” You say, ripping the end off the other side. “It’s the tip.”

“Ah yes. I see. Well here’s a tip, eat the damn stick and stop playing with your food.” He looks over at you. You watch Jade start to come by and you get ready. As she passes by your table, you hand her the bread tip casually.

“I will, I will.” You tell Karkat. Jade continues walking to the next table.

“Oh. My. God. You guys are something else.” He says.

“What?” You ask, eating at your tipless stick.

“I _saw_ that!” He hisses.

“Saw what?” You pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about. Your phone buzzes against your leg and you decide to ignore it for now. You are more content to play with Karkat’s hand and passing Jade more bread tips. Your phone however has other plans, going off a few more times. Karkat looks for his phone and glances at the screen, he’s getting a call from Kankri.

“Uh…mind if I?”

“Go ahead.” You tell him. It’s family matters and he might need to be really reached.

“Thanks.” He says and gets up to go answer it. You pull your phone out and look at it. You have several messages from John. He basically wants you to call him.

**_‘no john im busy’_ ** You send him. He calls you shortly after you send him the message. You groan loudly.

“Johnnnnn.” You sigh and answer your phone.

“Dave! Oh wow, you did answer!” John says.

“What?” You ask him, patience a bit short.

“Hey.”

“You’re not a horse. What? What is it?”

“I was just at the mall and I think I saw you guys a bit ago and I was just going to check up on you and your man.”

“Oh my god.” You groan.

“You’re not busy in a closet right?” He teases.

“I’m hanging up.” You tell him.

“Noooo.” He whines. You hang up anyway. You sigh and Karkat comes back.

“I’m sorry. I had forgotten to tell Kankri I was going to be out tonight. I um, I had been a bit too excited.” He clears his throat and takes his seat. You smile and turn off your phone.

“It’s okay.” You tell him. He smiles back, blushing slightly. Jade comes back with your food. She hands you guys your respective plates.

“Oh and Dave,” Jade pulls out her phone and hands it to you. “Um, John’s looking for you?” She says confused. _God fucking damn it John._ Karkat looks over at you just as confused.

“Nope. Not dealing with that, I am busy.” You cross your arms.

“It’s fine if he needs you Dave.” Karkat says. You shake your head.

“Nope. I’ll talk to him later.” You say. Karkat leans over and takes Jade’s phone, answering it.

“Yeah no. It’s Karkat. Listen, if you’re guts and bones aren’t sticking out of your body and Dave isn’t your last hope then I suggest you don’t call him when he’s busy trying to woo an asshole. It can be kind of hard, so he needs to concentrate.” He growls into the phone. There’s a pause in which John asks him something but you can’t quite catch it.

“No! Your mom. Of course it’s me asshole! You know very well we’re busy so why are you calling?” You can faintly hear John’s voice before Karkat hangs up on him as well. He hands the phone back to Jade and she quickly pockets it.

“I think he’ll stop for tonight.” He says. You laugh.

“Thanks.”

“It’s alright. I doubt he can dislike me even more.” Karkat roll his eyes. Jade refills your drinks and leaves.

“Sorry about that.” You tell him.

“It’s fine, like you said, you’re busy.” He smiles at you. You slide your hand back over to his and Karkat takes it. You lace your fingers together and start working on the meal you got. You two enjoy your meal, talking softly to each other until you’ve finished your plates. Jade comes back with the check after you’ve finished and you pay for it. Karkat is loading some of the leftovers into a small box. Jade tells you that you can leave the box in her car if you two are going to do things later. You nod and she unlocks her car for you to do so.

            You and Karkat leave the place and set the box in her car and wait for her to lock it once again. You grab his hand and lead him to the movie theater nearby. You two stare up at what’s playing right now and you are a bit bummed that the movie Karkat really wanted to see is sold out. _Of course it is, it’s Valentine’s Day and it’s a rom-com._ He tells you to pick and you tell _him_ to pick because you want to treat him after all. You think he chooses one that he knows you’d like anyway because he can. It’s some kind of parody, which is the best kind of movie.

            The two of you buy tickets and head inside, picking up popcorn and a drink and moving to the back of the room. There’s hardly anyone in there with you, three small families scattered amongst the seats and a couple in the row in front of you. You hope the kids don’t get too loud.

            As the movie starts playing you do the cheesy arm stretch move and drop your arm around Karkat’s shoulders. He smiles softly and glances over at you. You smile back and he hands you the bag of popcorn. You hold it in your lap as he leans away from you. _Oh you fucked up._ You have an apology on the tip of your tongue, but he moves the armrest between you up. With this new space, he cuddles up more fully to your side. You bring your arm more securely around his side.

            Karkat continues to eat most of the popcorn. He offers you some and you lean down and take it out of his hand. It’s nice and you are enjoying your time with him and the movie. It’d be a bit more perfect if the couple in front wasn’t making so many snide remarks and laughing loudly. Sure, you do the same, but you try not to do it at the theater. _It’s rude after all._

“That girl sort of sounds like Vriska.” Karkat says softly. The man laughs and _holy shit you’d know that laugh anywhere._

“That was John’s laugh.” You tell Karkat. You two try and get a better view of the couple in front of you without getting up and making too much noise.

“They both have glasses and messy hair so, maybe?” Karkat whispers over to you. You nod in agreement. You watch as possibly-Vriska leans down and doesn’t come back up. Karkat covers his mouth and looks up at you. You just stare, slack jawed.

“This is a joke right? Oh my god.” Karkat whispers.

“Oh my, god.” You snicker quietly.

“Oh my fucking god. Is this for reals? Is that legal?”

“Probably not. Oh my god.” You cover your mouth to stifle the sounds.

“Oh my fucking god. This can’t be real. Do we say something?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” You say. Karkat is holding back his own laughter. He looks down at the popcorn still left. You watch as he reaches in and tries to throw a piece at probably-John’s head. You laugh quietly as he fails to reach them.

“Well, I can’t blame them. This movie fucking _blows_.” Karkat says.

“Oh my god.” You laugh. Karkat covers his mouth and laughs softly with you. Probably-Vriska manages to get plenty of pleased sounds from prob- _nope._ _Yeah that’s John,_ and you try your hardest to ignore them.

“That’s so gross.” You make a face.

“Dude, there’s like, children in here _and_ us. Oh my god. Why didn’t they sit at the back?” Karkat whines.

“It’s so gross. Why? Ugh.” You tap your head back against the seat. They aren’t being too loud, you’ll give them that, but still. _It’s a public place and there’s kids._

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” Karkat whispers harshly.

“What?”

“They are in the eight row. I’m not going to get nightmares from this. Nope.” He shakes his head.

“Wanna bounce?” You ask him. He practically leaps out of his seat.

“I’m way ahead of you.” He picks up the bag of popcorn and you grab the drink. The two of you quietly make your way out to the small arcade place in the front of the theater. You stand beside him for a second before turning to him.

“So that was horrible.” Karkat busts into loud laughter. You snicker, glad to see he is still enjoying himself after that.

“We should totes call him and see if he’s _busy_.” You say.

“I’m sure they won’t answer. Or maybe they put their phones on silent to watch the movie. Should we call the manager and let them finish for us?” He looks over at you.

“Yeah. There are _kids_ in there.” You glance around for someone.

“Knowing Vriska, it’ll only take eight minutes. Let’s just go.” He takes your hand. You squeeze his hand and walk out of the place.

“I want ice cream.” He hums softly.

“Fuck yeah.” You agree. You take the long way to the ice cream parlor, just to enjoy the walk. Overall you’re still pretty happy. You swing his arm and bump into his shoulder softly. He bumps back into you and you laugh. He nuzzles into your shoulder and you hum happily.

“We could share a hot fudge sundae if you’re down.” He says.

“Sure. I’m down.” You nod.

“I figured it’d be wiser to get something somewhat warm and not just ice cream since it’s still pretty cold out here,” He leans against your arm. “I’m sorry my horny friend and your best bro ruined the movie.”

“It’s fine.” You snicker softly. Karkat causally guides your arm around his side. You lean down and drop a soft kiss to his forehead. He smiles and pecks your chin. He tugs you into the parlor. You try to pay for the ice cream but he waves you off. You go take a seat while he pays.

            Karkat comes with the sundae and the only spoon they gave him. He sits down in front of you and the two of you slowly enjoy your ice cream. You smile over at him. _God you love him._ You swap the spoon back and forth taking chunks out of the sundae, ignoring any stares you two get. He’ll glance up at you and catch your eyes and he’ll smile and look back down at his spoon. You reach across the table and hold his hand. It’s wonderful and a perfect way to end this date. You squeeze his hand and he squeezes back, getting up and throwing the trash away. You join up with him and head out to the bus stop.

            You lace your fingers with his, he rests his head against your shoulder, and you two wait for the bus. He sighs happily and almost nods off when you two are seated on the bus. You press another kiss to his forehead and he smiles softly to himself. You hold him close to you and run your fingers through his hair. You watch the world pass by out the window. You listen for your stop while Karkat sleeps lightly on your arm.

            You nudge him softly as the bus pulls over to your stop. He rubs his eyes and leans away from you to stretch his arms. You stand up and offer him your hand and he takes it. You lead him off the bus and towards the apartment complex.

“So.” You say.

“Hmm?” He looks up at you.

“This was nice.” You smile at him. He smiles brightly and nods in agreement. He calls the elevator and you squeeze his hand.

“I bet you we had way more fun than Vriska and John did,” He laughs. “Do you think they got caught?”

“Maybe they did. God that would be so awkward.” You snicker. He pulls you inside the elevator once the doors slide open. You look over at him and you can feel how fast your heart is racing.

“Maybe we um…” You start to say.

“I hope you’re not trying to get back to my place.” He teases.

“What? N-no! No!” You can feel your face turn red. Karkat laughs at you and squeezes your hand.

“We could um…we should try this again some time.” He says. You bite your lip.

“Yeah. That’s,” You laugh nervously. “That’s w-what I was going to say.”

“I know. I’d… I’d like that.” He smiles. The doors slide open and he steps out. You follow after him. You walk him to his apartment door and he looks up at you.

“Thanks for um, you know, everything.” He plays with your hand. You take his hand and kiss his knuckles gently. He chews his lip and leans up to kiss the side of your mouth.

“Good night, Dave.”

“G-good night.” You smile. You scream loudly internally. He quickly pecks your cheek and then steps inside his apartment. You manage to walk down the hallway before your scream bubbles out past your lips.

            You get home and fling your door open, laughing loudly. Bro jolts upright, hand over his heart. He sighs once he recognizes you.

“I ain’t doin’ this again kid.”

“Sorry.” You laugh.

“It either wen’ _too_ well or _horribly_ wrong.”

“Yeah.” You bite your lip, trying to control your smile.

“Well, good or bad, be careful with the poor door.” He gives you a look.

“Sorry.” You shut it softly, apologizing to the door silently.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/
> 
> \--
> 
> Thank you all for enjoying and reading this fanfiction for the past year~ I hope you all continue to enjoy it as we make our way closer towards the end <3


	24. Right Here Waiting // Colgando En Tus Manos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, there's a playlist for this chapter! You should listen to it~  
> http://8tracks.com/demonsushi/my-crabapple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> -Sexual Conduct  
> -Sexual Acts  
> -Kissing  
> -Handsy Dave  
> -NON-CON (Nothing below the belt, but still)  
> -John Egbert  
> -Mentions of Self Harm  
> -Cheesy Songs  
> -Hints of Suicide (Past)  
> -Hints of Alcohol  
> -Mentions of Past Relationships

You have finally confessed about your missing bracelet to Karkat. You couldn’t find it anywhere and the guilt became too much for you to handle. He surprisingly did not seem to be too sad about it. He was pleased that you told him about it, and you think that he might have known. Karkat simply shrugged and told you to tell him if you ever find it. He pointed back at your textbook and asked you to help him find the answer to the worksheet you were given.

            Maybe that was another reason he wasn’t too upset about the missing bracelet. You should be studying right now, not that you can focus that well anyway. You keep glancing up at him, staring at his face, before quickly ducking your head back down to look at the opened textbook. Karkat’s eyes catch yours every once in a while and you’re forced to quickly come up with some bullshit answer to the problem on the worksheet.

           The two of you have yet to do anything after your date on Valentine’s Day, still treating each other the same as you had before hand. You had hoped he had really understood the meaning behind it all. Perhaps you are being _too_ subtle about it now. You want to kiss his face and be his boyfriend and just _be_ there with him. You just need to tell him, in a less subtle way. You need a solution. You stare at his face, hoping an idea will just pop into your head. You chew on the end of your pencil and brainstorm ideas. _What can you do besides out right saying it?_

            Karkat taps his pencil against each of his answers on his worksheet, double checking his work. _What’s a nice way of saying that you want to kiss his face?_ He flips his textbook to the answer key and checks off the ones he missed. You watch him chew on his lip as he tries to find what he did wrong. _Hey Karkat, I’m totally in love with you and wanna make out with your face._ You groan silently to yourself. _No, that’s dumb._ Karkat reaches over and takes your worksheet and looking up at you when he realizes you didn’t finish half of it.

“Are you all right? I thought you had caught up with me on this thing.” He waves the sheet in front of you.

“Y-yeah,” You clear your throat. “I did. Sorry.” He scoots over to you and looks down at your opened book. He sighs softly when he figures out how far behind you are.

“I guess we can take a break before I start my other homework, and I get you to focus better on this.”

“Yeah. Sorry. I just…was thinking about something else.” You admit.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks. _How cute you are. How much I love you. How bad I wanna kiss you._

“Stuff.” You reply.

“Ah yes. Stuff. All the _stuff_. The stuff of the other stuff, that make said stuff make you think of more stuff. Stuff can be dangerous. Be careful with _stuff_.” He says. You roll your eyes.

“Well, I suppose that’s true.”

“So, break?” Karkat asks, packing up the books he no longer needs, and spreading out on your bed.

“Yeah. Break.” You nod.

“Good. I don’t need us to fry our brains, but I think it might be too late for yours.”

“Ouch.” You pout at him. He chuckles quietly. You flop over onto his lap.

“You have wounded me deeply.” He groans under your sudden weight.

“Oh no. Whatever shall I do? What, do you want me to kiss the boo-boo?” He says with a snide tone.

“Why not? That sounds nice. Totally fair too.” _Please?_ He rolls his eyes and shifts around underneath you. He adjusts until he can kiss your temple.

“Bam. Healed. Holy shit. We need to get me to a fucking hospital. I shall kiss every cancer patient and birthing mother.” You smile and snicker under your breath. Karkat rests his head back against the bed and you hum softly. You glance up at him.

“…I know what we can do to pass the time.”

“I’m listening.” He says, urging you to continue.

“We could play a game?” You sit up a bit more, to not crush him as you let him decide.

“Yeah, alright, sure. What kind of game?” He asks.

“Gay chicken, round two?” You suggest. You really couldn’t think of anything else that would let you get away with kissing him. Karkat smirks at you.

“You really want a round two?” He leans back on his arms.

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Didn’t I embarrass you enough the first time?”

“Psh, please.” You shrug your shoulders. He chuckles.

“That’s exactly what I had you saying Dave, _‘please’_.”

“Nuh uh.” You disagree; blush steadily creeping up your face. _No one should sound that nice._ Karkat hums softly.

“So, ‘round two’?” He faces you more properly. You adjust yourself to sit in front of him,

“Yeah. Round two.”

“Well since I technically won last time, I’ll give you the first move.” He says. You nod.

“A-alright. Yeah.” You chew your lip and figure out how the hell to make the first move. You lean in slowly and press a light peck to his cheek. Karkat leans into the touch and nuzzles at your jaw. _All right, you can handle this._

            You press a kiss to his ear and he tilts his head to give you more room. You kiss along his jawline. Karkat’s hands cup your face gently, tilting your head down to press his lips against your forehead. You smile at him, _God you love him so much._ He nuzzles against your cheek and leaves a trail of kisses along your jaw.

            Karkat’s fingers thread through your hair as his kisses move down your neck. You totally don’t shiver at the feeling. Had you been standing you would have gone weak at the knees. You are quick to peck at his lips once more. Your lips meet his and move gently against one another, noses bumping slightly. You bring your hand to cup his jaw, stroking your thumb softly against his cheek.

            He brings his arms around you and tries pulling you closer to him. You shift and settle back down in his lap. You slide your hands down along his shirt, if you focused enough you could probably feel his heart racing to the same tempo as yours. You nip at his jaw and he gasps softly into your ear. Karkat tilts his head and you bite gently at the skin of his neck. His fingers grip at your hair as he makes a soft sound that sends a shiver down your spine.

            You suck at the skin beneath your teeth, pulling away when he whines. You press a soft kiss there and suck another mark just below it. He tugs at your hair and you sigh into his neck, running your hands up along his sides. Karkat twitches under the touch and you slide your hands under his shirt. His hands grab at yours before they get far and you lace your fingers with his. You kiss along his jaw, leaning into him and pushing him back.

            You pin his hands down gently against the bed and peck at his lips. He leans away from you and you follow him. You nip at his lip and he gets his hands out of your hold. He slams them against your shoulders and pushes you back harshly. You stop and look down at him. He looks terrified and on the edge of tears. _Fuck._

“Karkat?” He moves away from you and sits up.

“Karkat?” You call again, sitting back and giving him room.

“I have to go.” He says with a shaky voice, quickly shoving his things in his backpack.

“Karkat wait.” You reach out for him, but he flinches back from your touch. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ He makes a break for the door. You try to follow him.

“Karkat!” He slams the front door in your face and you can hear him run down the hall. Your chest constricts tightly.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” You whip around and rush back to your room to grab your phone. You type in Karkat’s number from memory and bring it to your ear.

“Pick up, pick up.” You whisper to it. You listen as it rings once, twice, three times. You pace around the room, _please pick_ up. After the sixth ring it goes to voice mail, you hang up and call back. _Dear god, this wasn’t what you meant._ It rings three times before going to voicemail this time.

“Karkat please, _please_ , answer your phone! I’m sorry! Please…” You hang up and try again. Once more, you get voicemail.

“Karkat…please. God…I’m so fucking sorry. Just please… Please answer your phone. Karkat… god.” You hang up and open up a new text message.

**_‘karkat are you there?’_ **

**_‘please answer me’_ **

**_‘karkat im sorry’_ **

**_‘so fucking sorry just please answer me’_**   You definitely are crying now.

**_‘karkat?’_ **

“Fuck!” You draw your arm back, prepared to throw your phone. You stop before you do, taking a deep breath and bringing it back to you. You select Rose’s name off your recent contacts and call her. You groan loudly when she doesn’t answer either. You move down the recent list and call Jade next.

“Hi Dave! Wow! You’re calling me in the PMs not the AMs! Gasp!” Jade answers.

“Jade! Fuck Jade!”

“Yes? Oh, hey! Bec no! Give me a minute Dave, Bec is chewing on my computer wire again. Hey! Bad!” You hear her shout at her dog.

“…Um. You…you take care of that.” You say, getting angry sounds in response. You think you can hear Bec barking at her now.

“Okay. I’ll just uh…” You awkwardly hang up. You sniffle and wipe at your face. You call the next person on the list.

“Hello?”

“…John?” You swallow the knot that has built up in your throat.

“Dave? Hey.” You curl up on the floor, at least one of your friends can listen to you. You try to stifle the small sob that tries to work past your lips.

“Dave? Hey, are you alright?” He must have heard it anyway.

“No…fuck. John.” You wipe at your face again. You hear him click something shut.

“Okay. First, are you drunk again? Are you back on your roof?” He asks. You don’t recall ever being _drunk_ on your roof, but you certainly weren’t stable when up there. It dredges up a horrible feeling in your stomach. He whines softly when you don’t respond.

“No. I just…” You chew on your lip. “I fucked up.” You tell him. You think you hear him kiss someone; _he must have been with Vriska_.

“Are you alright though?”

“No…” You tuck your knees closer to yourself and knock your head against the wall. He gasps softly.

“I fucked up John.” You replay the scene over and over again in your head.

“Well hey, listen um, I’m nearby,” _Definitely was with Vriska then._ “Uh, want me to stop by? I’ll get us lunch and head over. How about it dude?” He asks.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know!” You tuck your head against your knees.

“I can tell that you obviously do not know. But _I_ do. So, I’m going to head over there. Uh yeah. I’m at Vriska’s so it won’t take long,” _You were right._ “Stay away from the roof!” You can hear him open his car door. You bang your head against your dresser.

“Hhhhhhh.”

“See you in a bit!” John says, starting his car and hanging up on you. You let your phone drop to the floor and bury your hands into your hair, tugging gently at the strands. Your skin itches but you don’t dare try and scratch at them. Not right now. It’s not safe. You’ll tear yourself to shreds, and while the idea doesn’t seem too bad you know you will feel shitty as fuck going back to day zero again. You hear the front door get kicked open.

“DAVE, HOLY FUCK, ARE YOU IN HERE?!” John shouts. You totally don’t scream, at all.

“Oh, alright, you’re in your room.” You listen to him close the door and make his way over to your room.

“Dude seriously, I was going to run up to the roof again if you hadn’t answered,” He taps on your door. “Hello?” John actually came. _John actually came here for you._ No, you aren’t crying again. Not at all. Your door gets shoved violently open at the sound and John busts in there.

“Dave!” He looks around for you before finding you on the floor by your dresser. You wipe at your face.

“Dude, are you all right?” John asks, carefully pushing the door shut. He goes over to your desk and sets down the brown bag and cups he had been holding in his hands down.

“No.” You answer honestly, covering your face. You think you hear him step closer to you.

“Is it the same kind of junk as last time… You’re not hurt right? Are you hurt, Dave?” He asks. You look up at him and can see how worried he is.

“No.” He nods and sits down in front of you. You lean forward and rest against his shoulder.

“I fucked up though.” You say.

“Well, what did you do? What happened? Why are you a crying mess?” He shifts so you are against his side instead of being balanced precariously on his shoulder. You try to calm down. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to show up like this. He pats your back softly.

“Alright, breathe dude. You’re not gonna talk if you’re choking on your snot and tears.” He says. You nod.

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” You lean back and wipe at your face. John watches you.

“Is Bro out?”

“Yeah.” You nod again.

“Is he why you’re upset? Or?” He asks.

“No.”

“So, what happened?”

“I was with Karkat and I fucked it up.” You look up at John.

“With Karkat? What happened? What did you do?”

“I didn’t… Fuck…” Your hands go back into your hair and tug at the strands. John whines.

“Dave no, seriously, what happened?” He asks. You take a deep breath and tell him about what just happened. You watch as his expression changes as you tell him. Once you are done, you flop onto your side on the floor.

“Dude.” John looks at you. You realized how bad it all sounded and you honestly feel like shit about the whole thing.

“So he just, got up and left? Did you go after him?”

“I tried!” You groan.

“Okay… Well he um, obviously needs time! Yeah! Like when Vriska and I fight. You just need to give him time to like, chill.” He says. You are silent but nod in agreement. You roll onto your back and stare up at your ceiling.

“Well it wasn’t your fault. Actually, no. It was. But like…wow Dave,” He scratches his head. “I think your life would be so much easier if you just told the guy you liked him. All you’re doing is playing with him. No wonder he was so freaked out, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know how to get the feel-y feels out of my mouth hole.” You tap your head lightly on the floor.

“Well if you’re not going to be honest with your words, then don’t try and mess with him using your actions. Like. Alright. Vriska _was_ exactly like that. I had felt more like a fuck buddy than a boyfriend, and I’m so not about that. So, I told her. And well, maybe it’s like that with Karkat? Except like, I know he doesn’t like to be touched and maybe he’s just scared to tell you? I don’t know. Vriska told me about what happened with him and Terezi and like that Sollux guy. There seems to be some sort of cycle and maybe he’s scared that all you want is that… Wow.... That’d be rough buddy.” John says. _Fuck, you didn’t even think about that._ You groan. John looks over at you.

“I get that some people have a hard time confessing things and like, figuring out their feelings and all that junk. But Dave, you’re hurting Karkat with how you’re doing things.” You cover your face. _John’s right though._ You tap your head against the floor with a bit more force.

“…Remember when we…?” John starts. You look over at him between your fingers.

“…Yeah.”

“Well… A bit after that, and after I thought about it. I thought you had sort of just jumped along because I happened to have a dick. Okay. No. Wait. That sounded rude. I mean, that you just wanted attention from another guy. So, maybe Karkat thinks the same? Maybe? He knows you like guys and he _seems_ to like some guys too and um… Maybe he feels that you’re just doing this because he’s another guy who likes guys?” He leans forward, resting his arms on his legs. You sit up, resting back on your own arms.

“Maybe…” You sigh. _God this is such a mess._

“And well, if it is, I don’t think there’s another way out of this but to _tell him_ what’s going on?” He gives you a look. You nod.

“…Yeah.”

“…You really like Karkat don’t you?” John asks softly.

“I do.”

“Well then, anything would be worth to make him happy again won’t it,” He smiles. “Even if it’s sharing your feelings, and even if it’s just trying to keep him around as a friend. Right?”

“Right…” You look down at your knees.

“So. How about this, uh, we eat what I brought and um, we play some tunes. And when you’re calm, we can try and see if Karkat is down to talk.”

“Yeah. Okay.” You nod. John gets up and goes over to your desk where he left the food and drinks. He plops down into your chair and wheels over with the items. You remain in your spot on the floor. He hands you a burger, fries, and your drink. _He got one of your favorites._ You are _not_ about to get emotional about this.

“They didn’t have Coke so I had to bring you Pepsi. Sorry.” He gives you an apologetic smile. You guess you can forgive him. He did show up after all.

“S’fine.” You sit up more properly, crossing your legs so your food has somewhere to rest. John wheels back over to your computer and quickly unlocks it, clicking at files and looking at your music. You start nibbling away at your fries. He takes a bite out of his own food before just clicking play, resuming what you [had been playing](http://8tracks.com/demonsushi/my-crabapple) before Karkat had come over this evening.

            You recognize the song and the playlist instantly and it makes your stomach twist just a bit. John tilts his head at your screen as he reads the song title. You whine softly and John looks over at you.

“What? Did I find your stash of girly songs?” He snickers at you.

“It’s _the_ playlist.” You say. He raises his eyebrow questioningly at you and glances back at the screen.

“Oh. My. Gosh. You have a Karkat playlist. Dude,” He looks back over at you. “I’ve lost you. You’re gone. You’re in too deep. Deep in the gay for Karkat.”

“Leave me alone.” You stuff more fries into your mouth and finish them off.

“No, I don’t mean it as in bad gay. I mean it as in, like, two dudes being so damn cheesy. You are so cheesy. You are like nacho cheese and Karkat is like the tortilla chips!” He cups his own face. You make noises through a mouthful of burger, hoping to communicate how much you want this to be dropped.

“I know. Same Dave.” John chuckles and looks over at the songs in your list. You quickly finish off the last of your burger.

“These are like all love songs too. These are so old Dave, oh my god. Where did you find these?”

“Bro.” You mumble. Bro has his own playlist that has a bunch of these songs, although you didn’t really understand why. You think you do now, though. John laughs.

“Of course. Oh my gosh, this is like one of my Dad’s favorites.” He says, clicking on the next track. You try to prepare yourself for him to sing, but even then you aren’t ready for him to belt it out.

“Oceans apart. Day after Daayyyyyyy. And I slowly goooo insaaane.”

“John stop. John no. Please.”

“I hear your voooice on the line. But it doesn’t stop the paiinnnnn,” He starts getting even more over-dramatic. “If I see you next to never!! How can we say, forever?”

“John no. Leave me alone.”

“Where ever you go.”

“Stop.” Dear Jesus he’s going to bother your neighbors.

“Whatever you dooooo.” He clutches at his chest.

“John.”

“I will be. Right. Here. Waiting for youuuuu.”

“John please!” You shout. He leans back in your chair and slowly slides out of it. You stare at him. He gives you a small smile.

“What?” You ask.

“You got it bad, huh?”

“Yeah.” You look away. He sits up more properly.

“So then we’ll fix this!”

“How?” You ask.

“We are so gonna pull an 80’s movie and go hold a boom box in front of his apartment door begging for forgiveness.” John rolls his eyes.

“…That’s brilliant.” You whisper. He doesn’t hear you and keeps talking over you.

“We’ll have to add in ‘Your Eyes’ by Peter Gabriel into your playlist for this to work though. Wait. What?” He turns to you. You are already up and heading out and sneaking into Bro’s room.

“Wait, Dave?” He calls out. You come back with the boom box and set it on your bed, grabbing the cords you need to plug your phone into the machine.

“I’ll go to his window and play it.”

“His window? Dave, I was kidding. Oh my god, I know Karkat gets weird boners over classic romantic shit, but dude.” You open your bedroom window, prepared to make your way onto the fire escape.

“Dave!” John shouts, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you roughly away from your window.

“Alright, let’s think about this.” He says.

“Dude chill, I’ll just go up to his window.” You tell him, pushing his arms off.

“But that’s the fire escape! What if you fall?”

“I won’t. I’ve been on the damn thing many times.” You go back over to the window.

“That doesn’t make this any better!” John whines loudly.

“Oh my god.” He grabs you again and moves you away from the window once more. You cross your arms and huff. He goes over to it and looks up.

“So, it’s that one up there right?”

“Yes, mom.” You say flatly.

“Ah. Ha. Ha. Ha. Watch your sass young man,” He steps out onto the fire escape and looks around. “Dude, if I fall I’d die.”

“You’re not going to fall.” You roll your eyes, going back to the boom box and bringing it to the window.

“Well if you fall you’re going to die too.”

“I’m not going to!” You shout.

“Just saying! Give me the boom box.” He groans.

“Why? I can do it.”

“Dude, just hand it over. I’m not letting you climb these death trap stairs with it in yours hands.” He crosses his arms. You roll your eyes so hard for a moment you think you see stars. You pass him the thing anyway. He holds it gently in his arms.

“Did you even like, make a CD or are we just going to trust that Bro happens to use this thing when he wants to get laid romantically speaking?”

“I made one.” You mumble, glancing back at your disc tower on your desk.

“Oh my god, you are so damn cheesy.”

“Leave me alone. I just used _some_ songs from his heartbroken playlist.” You quickly crawl through the window and look out at the horizon.

“Oh. My god. He has a _heartbroken_ playlist. You two are just sadists.”

“Ugh. Bro just plays it and eats a whole container of ice cream while he cries in the bathtub.” _It’s a bit scary to see sometimes._

“Oh my god. I bet it all goes straight to his ass.” John snickers. You shrug.

“Probably, but y’know.” You look up the ladder.

“Yeah, yeah… What if Karkat isn’t even in his room?”

“He’s gotta be.”

“How are you so sure? I personally like to cry my eyes out in the bathroom too.” He hums. You look over at him.

“Really? I like my closet for that.”

“The closet must feel like home at times.”

“I will push you over the railing John.” You shoot him a glare. He clutches the boom box close to his chest.

“Then we both go down.”

“I could find another one if I had to.” _It’s not like it’s your boom box._

“But you only have one me, so shut up and get climbing.” You roll your eyes and wrap your hands around the first set of rungs.

“You just want to stare at my ass while I go up.” You joke, pulling yourself up.

“Oh yeah. _Totally._ I haven’t had a good look at it in such a long while. I need to remind myself how plush it is,” He rolls his eyes. “Oh my god Dave, please, I have a _girlfriend_. I get both the booty and the chest.” You laugh as you crawl up onto the next platform. John snickers softly and steps closer to the ladder. You lie down on the platform and reach out to him and he passes you the boom box.

“Good luck I guess.” He whispers as you wrap your hand around the handle.

“Thanks.” You pull it and yourself back up. You set it down by Karkat’s window and you try to peek through it.

“Is he in there?” You hear John call up.

“I think I see him.” You tell him. You turn on the machine, plugging in your phone and getting to the right playlist, and turning the volume up.

“This song is so damn cheesy.” You can hear him say.

“Leave me alone.” You stage whisper back to him. You tap a finger gently against the glass of Karkat’s window, hoping to draw more attention to your presence.

“Karkat, hey, over here.” You mumble under your breath and turn the volume up a bit more. You think you see movement from the crack in the curtain before it’s suddenly drawn back further.

Karkat is standing there, surprised, but _there_. You can’t help it; you start singing along to the song that’s playing. Karkat slides the window open and looks around where you are standing.

“Dave, what the fuck are you doing here? Are you on the _fire escape?_ You’re going to fall off.” He hisses at you. You don’t reply, just continue singing along. You plan on doing it until he lets you in. Or when the song ends. Whichever comes first. He rolls his eyes at you a slight smile tugging on the corners of his lips.

“I’m still very upset with you, just so you know.” He says, crossing his arms and leaning out the window a bit.

“I bet.” You say once the song comes to a close.

“Are you also here to offer me a ride on your magic carpet?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Do you trust me?” You ask, with a small smile. _You wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t._

“I do,” He says, dropping the humor from his voice. “But don’t make me tell Rajah to bite your ass.” You laugh quietly and Karkat, miserable, smiles back. You pause, the songs continuing to play as background noise for the two of you.

“Karkat…I’m really sorry.” You sigh. He nods with a quick jerk of his head.

“I know. I got carried away too.”

“I should have known better though.” You tell him.

“I wasn’t very clear. I should have said something, but I felt that if I did you’d stop completely and I… It was very nice. You made me feel very safe but, yeah. We crossed lines.” He says. You nod, it wasn’t clear in the moment but you still don’t think it was okay.

“I’m sorry.” You say. He plays with his hands.

“I just… It wasn’t entirely _your_ fault. My head just went into this black hole of really fucked up thoughts. I guess I just started to remember some really bad stuff, stuff that isn’t your fault. Shit I _know_ you wouldn’t do to me.” His eyes start to tear up a bit. You offer him your hand.

“I’m here.”

“Yeah. I know.” He looks down at your hand for a solid minute before taking it. You hold his hand and squeeze it gently. Karkat wipes at his face with his free hand, clinging to yours with his other. You lace your fingers with his.

“I just don’t want you to play games with me.” He says, voice shaking.

“I know. I’m sorry I made you feel that way, but it’s…it’s not what I meant.” You lick at your lips. You need to find that small tiny pocket of courage you have and just _fucking tell him the truth!_

“I-I didn’t mean to make it seem like that’s all I wanted from you.” You manage to start with.

“I already told you that I don’t really do friends with benefits. But I mean… If that’s really what you–”

“No,” You cut him off. “That’s not what I want. _You’re_ not even okay with that.” He chews on his lip and stares at the boom box.

“I know. But I don’t want you to, I don’t know, think I’m boring or that…” He trails off. You give his hand a squeeze. _Level up, Strider, tell him._

“Karkat. You are a wonderful guy and I just… I-I… I lo–”

“Hey! Did he forgive you yet?” John asks, effectively cutting you off. You turn back and glare down at him. _God damn it John._ Karkat leans further out the window, confused, and looks down at John.

“Hi Karkat.” He smiles sheepishly and waves.

“Sorry.” You sigh when Karkat looks up at you.

“It’s fine.” He says, waving you closer to him. You step closer and he rests his head against your chest. You slowly bring your arms around him.

“ _’I’m not yours and you’re not mine’_.” He sings softly with the song.

“ _‘But we can sit and pass the time’_.” You whisper.

“ _‘No fighting wars, no ringing chimes. We’re just feeling fine’_.” He loops his arms around your waist. You drop your face into his hair. He leans back and takes your hand, tugging at you gently. You crawl into his room and stand close to him at his insistence. He presses up against your chest and you take the moment to realize how small he feels in your arms. You hold him close to you.

“Don’t ever do stupid shit like climbing out on the fire escape to get my attention again.” He pinches at your side. You snicker and rock him gently to the beat. You think you hear John from outside, but you ignore him for now. You focus more on this sad attempt of dancing with Karkat. He follows your lead and you bump your forehead against his softly. He sings softly to the next song playing for the two of you.

_“Mi corazón esta colgando en tus manos.”_ He whispers the lyrics softly against your chest and although you're still not 100% sure what that means, you feel it's something very sweet that feels very close to _"Te amo"._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	25. Fake It, Till You Make It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Relationships  
> -Fake relationships  
> -Dating  
> -Some actual fckin davekat  
> -Slight solkat  
> -Sexual slurs  
> -Slut shaming  
> -Physical fight  
> -Blood  
> -Verbal fight  
> -Verbal abuse  
> -Emotional abuse  
> -Gendered slurs  
> -Suicide/suicidal thoughts  
> -Death  
> -Mentions of drugs/drug abuse  
> -Kankri Vantas  
> -John is douche again  
> -Harmful bets  
> -Gambling if you will  
> -Nepeta is a scary lady  
> -Mentions of furries/fursonas  
> -Kinkshaming  
> -Pick up lines/puns

             After getting back from Karkat’s last night, you had discovered that John had gone home. Which is fine, you didn’t expect him to still be there. He called you up yesterday asking about how everything went. You had laid in bed and told him how you and Karkat talked some things out and fixed it. The two of you were back on good terms, restarting and taking things slow again. It kind of sucks but you can respect that. John had seemed _too_ happy about it but you didn’t question it that much. He can be a ball of sunshine when he wants to.

            But that was last night, this is here and now. Now, happens to start of with John in the seat next to you with the biggest, dorkiest smile and thumbs up during the lecture after showing up late. You had meant to ask him after class but he disappeared without a trace. You trudged on to second period with out much of a problem, some whispers being exchanged amongst the class. It’s uneventful and you’re relieved to go onto third.

            You just barely make it out the door before a small body pins you harshly against the lockers behind you. Nepeta gives you a hard glare and steps back, jabbing her finger into your chest.

“Remember what I said about Karkat, Strider? You better not forget it now. I will take something very dear to you if you do. Is that clear?”

“Uh…yes?” You say hesitantly.

“Good,” She pats your cheek in a non-too gentle manner. “See you later.” You watch smile sickly sweet and turn around to go to wherever her next class is. You think your heart just stopped for a few moments. The late bell rings and snaps you out of it.

            Jade gives you a wink and another thumbs up as well as you pass by her desk to get to yours. _Okay something is seriously going on._ You aren’t in on the big joke that’s apparently going on and you’re not sure how to feel about it. In fourth, you discover that Equius is fucking terrifying in a dark room. You can feel him standing way too close to you as you rinse the developer off your pictures. He whispers about not wanting to get involved in Nepeta’s plan unless you hurt her. He would snap you in half.

            Lunch couldn’t have come sooner. You have no clue what’s going on and having both Nepeta and Equius give you threats is not comforting in the slightest. Several students spare you glances and then whisper quietly to their friends. _Oh great, it’s a rumor._ You sigh and readjust the strap of your backpack more securely on your shoulder. _It’s probably something stupid again._ You make your way to the lunch table Rose, Jade, and John are currently occupying.

            John waves at you as you approach, smiling brightly despite Rose’s soft glare and Jade’s small pout at him. You really wonder what the hell’s going on. You wave back and sit at the table.

“’Sup.” You greet.

“Hey Dave, you and Karkat should join us for pizza after school! It’ll be my treat.” John smiles, Jade nods and her pout shifts into a grin for you.

“Um, okay? If he wants to.” You shrug.

“Oh come on, I know you guys prefer to have your alone time, but you still need to give your good old pals some time too! Besides, maybe we’ll really get to start knowing Karkat a bit better. It’ll be great.” John continues. You squint suspiciously at him.

“What’s going on?” You ask.

“We’re…trying to make plans to hang out after school?” John says.

“Yeah Dave, I thought that was pretty clear.” Jade tilts her head. You sigh softly.

“Sorry, shit’s just been weird today.” You lean against the table.

“Oh? How so?” Rose asks.

“Like Jade drawing us all fursonas weird, or like a teacher giving you bedroom eyes weird?” John leans against the table as well.

“John!” Jade yells, turning slightly pink. John laughs in response.

“I thought mine was cute.” Rose tells her.

“Wait, you did what?” You look over at Jade. She whines with embarrassment.

“It was _ages_ ago.”

“Anyways, weird how Dave?” John asks, getting back on topic.

“Weird as in, I dunno, weird. Confusing weird, like I’m not in on something y’know?” You say.

“What makes you say that?” Rose questions.

“Maybe you just feel weird because you’re so happy, that you feel like you’re in a dream?” Jade offers.

“Or are you on something again?” John squints slightly at you. You tense at the question and Rose pats your shoulder softly.

“I’m not on anything,” You tell him. “And why would I be in some happy dream?” You look over at Jade. She starts to respond when John cuts her off.

“Good! So pizza later, yes or no? I want to call and make a reservation. We should totally go to the movies too, again my treat. Oh! Maybe some ice cream too!” He plans excitedly.

“Are we celebrating or something?” You ask, trying to place the occasion down.

“Of course we are.” Rose smiles warmly at you.

“Love.” John snickers.

“And good luck I guess.” Jade mumbles, crossing her arms and glaring back at John.

“Valentine’s Day was like, months ago Mr. Eighth Row.” You tell him.

“Eighth row?” Rose looks over at him, curious. John turns bright red.

“Shut up, Dave.”

“How scandalous.” Rose laughs softly behind her hand.

“Just saying.” You shrug casually. John rolls his eyes and looks over at Jade.

“You know what, we need to find you someone too.” He tells her.

“‘ _Too_ ’?” You mumble softly.

“That way we could all go on a eight-way date!” He smiles.

“Woah, woah, woah, okay. Slow down, John.” You wave your hands back and forth.

“What?”

“What’s going on?” You ask.

“I can find myself someone when I’m ready John.” Jade huffs.

“I’m just saying, no rush.” He sighs.

“Jade will find someone on her own.” Rose tells him. You groan softly.

“I know, I know. I’m just teasing her.” John says, tickling Jade’s sides to get her to smile. She bites on her lip to keep from laughing. Rose smiles and shakes her head softly at the two of them.

“Okay, seriously. What’s going on?” You’re starting to feel like a broken record.

“Dude chill, why does something have to be going on?” John asks, not relenting from his tickling. Jade covers her mouth with her hands, muffled laughter escaping her.

“Isn’t it obvious? We’re happy for you.” Rose says, looking over at you.

“Yeah, Dave.” John says.

“Okay…why?” You say slowly.

“It took you so long that we just want to celebrate!” He says, not clearing anything up. Jade finally rips his hands off her.

“Yeah, Dave! We just want to let you know that we support you and that we are so happy for you.” She gasps, trying to breathe again.

“I…What?”

“Oh my god Dave. Just let us celebrate and treat you and Karkat to a fun play date with all of us.” John says, rolling his eyes.

“Jesus, you’re making it sound like I just came out to y’all again,” You tell Jade. “And what do you mean ‘play date’?” You look back over at John.

“A simple play date, no other dates are allowed.” John says, looking over at Rose. She rolls her eyes in response.

“Just Karkat and Dave. It wouldn’t be fair because of Jade.” He tells her.

“I know, mother.” She says. John makes a face at her and she flips him off. Jade laughs and you process the information just given to you.

“Let’s be the extra wheels this time.” Rose says.

“Why not? Watch, Dave is going to have no time for us later on. So we have to take these opportunities now!” John says. The pieces are all falling into place for you.

“You still have time for us _and_ Vriska.” Jade points out.

“Yeah, but that’s because I’m great.” He smiles.

“I have time for you and Kanaya.” Rose says.

“Only because she doesn’t have our same lunch period.” John crosses his arms. You place your hands on the sides of your face and make a loud distressed sound. You feel your three friends look over at you.

“Are you alright?” Rose asks.

“When did this happen? What happened to cause this? Why? Oh dear Jesus, no wonder Nepeta was going to kick my ass.” You hold your head and look down at the table.

“Um, from what I heard, during the weekend?” Jade says, trying to help you out.

“Yo, why? Nepeta needs to back off,” John says. You look up at him. “He’s your man.”

“He’s _not_ my man. John, what did I say that made you think that?” You ask him, stressing out over this new discovery.

“Um…Your non-binary lovely? Uh, he uses male pronouns?” He stumbles a bit. Jade nods slowly, like realization just dawned on her.

“ _I’m not dating him!_ ” You hiss at John.

“Oh really?” Rose says, full of spite and glares over at John. He laughs nervously.

“What do you mean you’re not dating?”

“What on God’s green earth made you think that?” You ask him.

“You said ‘it went great’! ‘We’re going to go slow though so Karkat stays comfortable’. ‘I think we’ll be back to hand holding in a bit though, since he seems alright with that’.” John says, quoting you.

“Because we’re _friends_.” You groan.

“What kind of friend makes out with you when they are not interested in ‘benefits’?” He throws his arms up. Jade blinks owlishly and Rose regards you with a surprised look.

“You’ve made out with him?” She asks.

“Yes. I did. That’s why there was a problem in the first place.” You rest your head on the table and look up at Rose.

“Dude…I _so_ do not want to give back the money I won.” John says quietly.

“Too bad, pay us back John!” Jade says.

“WHAT MONEY?” You yell a little too loudly. Rose clears her throat and looks over at a wall away from you. Jade and John exchange nervous looks.

“W-what money Jade?” He asks her.

“Heh, money? Oh no, there is no money.” She laughs and plays with her hair. You sit up and stare at the three of them. Rose avoids your gaze, Jade squirms in her spot, and John looks uncomfortable as fuck.

“Y-yeah, Dave. No money. There totally wasn’t a bet about you asking Karkat ou—” John is cut off by Jade driving her elbow into his side. You look over the rim of your shades at them now, giving them a harsh glare.

“You bet on me?” Rose sighs and looks apologetically at you.

“It started as a joke but, yes. We did.”

“…If it makes you feel any better, we all wanted to go out together with what we got.” Jade tries to smile. John looks at the table.

“Dude, Feferi put in like one-hundred dollars on the first day.” He says.

“Why?” You say under your breath.

“’Cause she said you two were so going to be dating before the new year started. She was so confident dude. She wanted in on this so bad. Then, Nepeta put in twenty for before February started. Jade said January fifth for some reason. Then others just kept putting bets in and yeah…” John shrugs. You rub your temples with your fingertips.

“How much?” You ask.

“Um, well…” Rose rubs one of her arms.

“About five-hundred dollars.” Jade says.

“Five-hundred thirty-five.” John corrects.

“Five-hundred!?” You shout.

“Yes.” Rose says stiffly. John laughs nervously, running fingers through his hair.

“It got out of hand.”

“Oh really?!” You look over at him.

“It’s just like forty each or so.” Jade said, chewing her lip and tangling her fingers in her hair as well.

“It’s not too surprising with the amount of people involved.” John sighs. Rose drums her fingers on the table.

“How many people?” You ask baffled.

“We had Tavros, Nepeta, Equius. I think even Feferi’s sister sent her some money from the correctional center she’s in!” John starts listing off people. Jade pulls her fingers out of her messy hair after a bit of a struggle and starts counting off on her fingers. You cover your mouth and watch as the number goes higher.

“Uh, let’s see, Kanaya put in some too. Vriska, duh. I did. Jade and Rose too.” He hums trying to recall more names.

“I’m going to die.” You mumble softly to yourself. The moment Karkat hears, he’s going to kill you, you just know it.

“STRIDER!” An all too-familiar angry yell calls out. _Fuck_.

“Welp, looks like babe’s here. Let’s go ladies!” John says, quickly getting out of his seat and absconding. Jade follows shortly after.

“Good luck, Casanova.” She calls out.

“I’m going to _die._ ” You groan.

“I’m sorry. I promise I’ll make the service, and I quote, ‘ironic as fuck’ for you.” Rose says, giving you a reassuring pat on the back before taking off as well.

“I’m _going to_ die.” You repeat. Karkat steps in front of your spot at the table and crosses his arms.

“Hey _babe_.” He smiles, anger coming off of him in waves.

“Heyyyy _darling._ ” You say, tense as fuck.

“So _baby_ , when’s our anniversary again? I’d hate to forget such an important date in our _romantic relationship_.” He glares at you.

“Apparently over the weekend, according to _John_.” You say, emphasizing on how much this isn’t your fault. Karkat scrunches his nose and plops down heavily in the spot your friends once were.

“Of course it was John. I so do not need this. My friends tackled me when I got to our table. These jerks started calling me shit again.” He whines irritated.

“…I’m sorry.” You say softly.

“I was so not emotionally or mentally prepared for this mess,” He rests his head on the table. “There’s no way they will buy it if we say it’s not true.” You aren’t sure how to comfort him about this. Really it’s an awkward situation for you both. Karkat shifts so his chin rests on the table, looking up at you.

“What happened? Why did he say that we were dating?” He asks.

“He totally misunderstood me sayin’ ‘Yeah John, everything is fine between me and Karkat now’ to mean ‘Hey I’m totally on this ass like no tomorrow’. Then he told ten to twelve other people who all had bets on us.”

“Oh, _I_ know about the bets.” He flexes his jaw.

“Five-hundred dollars. Why?”

“Actually it was more around five-hundred thirty-something.” He rolls his eyes.

“Five thirty-five.” You say.

“Whatever, that’s not the point. Feferi was just whining about it and told me how Meenah had helped her with the amount that was put in.”

“What are we going to do?” You ask.

“I don’t want you to get hurt because of this. You already get picked on. They’re not going to leave us alone if they think there’s a legit gay couple on campus.” Karkat looks around and even you can see the handful of stares.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” You sigh.

“Cut the crap Dave, I don’t need you to get stuck in an emo phase. I need results.” He sits up and leans on the table.

“I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe if we lay low, it’ll die on it’s own.” You suggest. It works sometimes.

“No. My friends will never forget. They love drama. They’ll ask how we’re doing everyday.” He holds his face in his hands and whines. You sit there for a moment, trying to come up with some solution.

“…Break up. Loudly and dramatically, break up.” You say.

“But that’s going to take time.” Karkat says, peeking from behind his fingers.

“Why?”

“I’m known for being very clingy, alright? I tend to milk things I shouldn’t.”

“And I’m known for being a hoe, so…”

“So what? You couldn’t be tied down and cheated on me?” He asks.

“I don’t know.”

“What news.”

“Well, I had to break your heart somehow. Why not open an old wound?” You ask. It makes you feel a bit disgusted with yourself. You don’t think you could ever cheat on someone, let alone Karkat. You hate even mentioning it. He shakes his head, thinking it over.

“Let’s just give it…a week.” He says.

“Then?”

“Then you break up with me.”

“Why? What’s my reason?” Honestly this is getting too complicated. Why couldn’t John have spread a different, more easily combatable, rumor around?

“I was clingy, didn’t give you your space, I got my nose into shit that wasn’t my business. I wasn’t what you expected and you got tired and bored. Bam. Done. Perfect.” He rests his arms on the table.

“No.” You say flatly.

“Everyone will believe you. It’s _way_ more believable since your friends know you probably wouldn’t cheat. No drama on your end, and Nepeta won’t rip your balls off if I’m not heartbroken. You can’t break my heart if I know it’s my fault.” He taps the table with his finger. You shake your head.

“No.”

“That kind of shit is usually my fault Dave.”

“Give me a different reason.”

“There isn’t any other reason?”

“Then how about I give you one?” You try.

“Alright, fine. Let’s hear it. How did I break your heart cool kid?” Karkat rests his chin in his hand.

“You found me high off my ass, trying to sell some shit of yours. That’s why you broke it off.” You shrug.

“I am not doing that!”

“Maybe I gave you something! Fuck, I don’t know.” You run your fingers through your hair.

“Gave me what?”

“Some STD.” You say, there’s at least rumors about that already. Karkat whines and gets up, grabbing your hand and leading you to a less crowded area. You follow behind him, listening silently to his angry murmurs and huffs.

“Do we even need a reason? Maybe we just thought we were better off friends.” You try again. There has to be a solution you can both agree on. Karkat just leads you to a small corner of the courtyard, hidden in-between two buildings and dumpsters. He stops and leans against the wall.

“No one is going to believe that.” He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. You step next to him and lean against the wall as well.

“Maybe if we hadn’t been so close to begin with. Fuck. Everyone ‘saw it coming’. ‘You two were so obvious’, ‘Oh em gee, just now? We thought you two had been hiding for a while’.” He taps his head lightly against the wall. You stare down at your shoes, scuffed and sun bleached. You, much like your shoes, have seen better days. And you, also like your shoes, can still go on even in this mess.

“Sorry. This is my fault. If I wasn’t so in–” You cut yourself off. _So in love with you._ This isn’t the time nor place to be confessing. You sigh.

“I just don’t want you to get picked on. I don’t need us to get shit from people we don’t need if it’s not true.”

“I don’t know what to do.” You say, bringing your arms around yourself. Karkat looks over at you. You chew on your lip.

“I told John and the girls that it wasn’t true. Maybe it’ll help.”

“It’s not going to convince any of my friends. Trust me. John can keep the damn money, I just want you to feel safe. We can fake this for a week.”

“Can we?” You ask. You aren’t sure how _fake_ you could make it.

“Yeah. How hard can it be? We’ll just…hold hands maybe I’ll give you a peck before class. No one will expect any real PDA from us. The school would throw a hissy fit if we got _too_ gay.”

“True.” You think about how you and Rose faked your relationship. It was along similar lines anyway. Karkat pushes himself off the wall and steps closer to you. He takes your hand in his.

“We’ll be fine. It’ll all be fine.” You look down at your hands. It sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself, but you will admit it does calm some of your nerves. He threads your fingers together with his. You have to restrain yourself from making a face. _This isn’t how you wanted this to be like._ You hold his hand though, you’re in too deep to let go.

“We’ll be the number one couple, and then crash and burn.” He says.

“…Yeah.”

“Just your average high school couple.” Karkat jokes. You nod in agreement, voice suddenly gone.

“We got this…” He says. You quietly nod again. He stands there for a moment before leading you back out. You follow him back to the courtyard and you wait for the lunch bell to ring.

            He grips your hand and trudges through the hall to his classroom. You lean down and peck the corner of his lips before taking off to your class. You casually sit in your seat and hope to not anger Nepeta any more than you already have. You feel her stare at you from across the room until the teacher walks in to begin the lecture. This definitely isn’t the second time you immediately take off down the hall for sixth after the bell rings, either.

            You aren’t looking forward to having to deal with Sollux today but seeing Karkat standing outside the door and waiting for you picks your spirits up. You take his hand as you enter the room and walk to his desk. You lean against his until the final bell rings to start class. You pass by Sollux on the way and he shoots you a look that could kill. The teacher isn’t in today and the sub plays some Bill Nye episode over the projector. You wished Karkat sat a bit closer so that you could pass him notes. Couples in classrooms together do that shit right?

            You only fill out half your worksheet by the time the class period ends. You sidestep around Captor and head over for Karkat’s desk. You take both of your sheets to the sub and turn them in. She gives you a nice smile and Karkat steps up next to you, slipping his hand into yours. You walk out to your lockers, taking a bit longer since you both follow each other. Some how, the two of you manage to avoid Sollux for now and head back home.

            You quietly swing your arms back and forth on the walk, making small talk about your days after lunch. Not that there was much to say. You don’t let go of his hand until the two of you are inside the elevator in the complex. He sighs and taps his head lightly back against the wall as you push your respective buttons.

“We got this…” He mumbles, whether it was to you or himself you aren’t sure. You bite at your lip. One day down, four more to go.

  

* * *

 

             You made sure that John, Jade, and Rose knew it as all a ruse and the five of you all split the five-hundred thirty-five equally. You weren’t sure what to do with your cut, so you’ve stashed it away in-between the jars with Allen and Poe inside, placing some weird puppet thing Bro made you on top. You dubbed her Annabelle Lee before you left.

            Other than that though, the rest of the school week goes about the same way. Hold hands throughout the hall, small kisses to cheeks, and sitting next to each other at lunch. It’s a bit awkward around his friends who ask you about your relationship and for the most part it’s bearable. You get a few people who giggle and point over at you two with cameras, which becomes irritating. You make sure you casually block their view of Karkat when you see them.

            The fake relationship does have positives though. In the rare moments when you don’t have to put on an extra show for his friends, when it’s just the two of you, he relaxes. He smiles and laughs and it’s just for you. His little hand squeeze to reassure you and the way he leans against you. The gentle touch of his hand on your face to brush something off it, and how it lingers there for just a moment longer than it should. _Fuck you have it even worse now._

            After school, the two of you don’t stop. It continues on. _‘To help make sure our act is accurate’_ Karkat had said. It’s so wonderful when you two are just in the apartment by yourselves. You curl up on the couch or on the bed, cuddled up next to one another. He’ll lean against your chest and let you hold him close. You wonder if he can hear how fast your heart goes when he does.

            Then Monday comes. It hits you like a ton of bricks. The breakup. That’s today. When you walk with Karkat to school, it’s tense and awkward. You take a deep breath and let him walk ahead of you. Once you are a block away from the campus, you wait behind. The two of you have to enter the school separately, and you only move after a good five minutes pass.

            You take a deep breath and keep your head down low as you make your way to your locker. You make sure to move slowly and shuffle feet. John, bless his heart, catches sight of you in the hall and loudly asks if you’re all right, gaining some attention from the people around him. You tell him that you and Karkat had a fight over the weekend. He hisses and looks over your shoulder and you turn around. Karkat is standing there, arms crossed and the angriest face you’ve seen on him.

“’Sup babe?” You say. You have no idea what your reason for breaking up is. Hopefully you can just wing it.

“‘’Sup babe’? You know exactly what ‘sup babe’.” He snaps back.

“You can’t seriously still be upset.” You roll your eyes. _Why are we fighting, give me something please._ Karkat scoffs.

“I can’t fucking believe you, of course I’m still upset.”

“Jesus fuck, let go of it.”

“Let go of it? I will once you stop dicking around with her!” His voice steadily climbs higher. _Her? Fuck, fuck, fuck._

“Oh my god! I told you. Rose and I are just friends!” _Sorry Rose._

“Of _course_ you are! ‘Just friends’!”

“Yes, just friends! There’s nothing between us now! “

“That’s not what I heard!”  
  
“Then get your hearing checked,” You fling your arms out to gesture to the people in the hall who’ve now stopped to watch you two fight. “Or do you _really_ believe in the school slut shit when you said you didn’t?!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t being so fucking suspicious around her!” He spits out through clenched teeth. You laugh and turn to John, gesturing to what’s happening.

“Can you believe this?”

“Hey, leave me out of this.” John shakes his head and takes a half step back. You turn back to Karkat.

“What makes you think I’m _so_ _suspicious_?”

“You _know_ what!”

“Oh no, how _dare_ I have friends and want to touch said friends in platonic ways!”

“It wasn’t and you know it!”  
  
“I’m sorry, last I checked and peck on the cheek was rather platonic.” You glance around behind your shades; you’ve drawn quite the amount of people in.

“ _Fuck you!_ ”

“Are you sure? I’d hate for you to suddenly think I’m cheating on you with you.” You cross your arms. Karkat is tearing up and you almost break role when his hand draws back and slaps you across the face. It didn’t hurt that much but it did sound loud in your ears. You hiss and place your own hand over it, acting like it was worse.

“Fuck you, Strider.” His voice breaks. _It’s an act. It’s all an act._ You have to remind yourself not to reach out to him and make sure he’s okay. Tears are making their way down his face. _Maybe he’s recalling another breakup?_ You once heard that’s what the best actors do.

“We’re done.” He says softly and turns around into his small cluster of friends who gathered. Kanaya wraps an arm around him, rubbing his shoulder. You watch for a moment longer before John’s hand grabs your arm.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” He says. You nod mechanically, a bit in shock, and follow him out of the crowd, ignoring the hushed murmurs. Jade and Rose catch up after you break through the people.

“You okay?” Jade asks, touching your cheek.

“Yeah.” You say.

“Me again?” Rose gives you a sad look.

“…Sorry.” You apologize. You hadn’t meant to throw her under the bus.

“It’s alright. Kanaya knows I wouldn’t ever.” She brings an arm around you and tugs you gently into her shoulder. You lean against her and chew your lip. You feel like a mess really.

“That was intense.” John says, leading you four to your first period.

“Good.” You say softly, swallowing down a knot in your throat.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Rose asks once you straighten up. You nod and casually rub at your eyes.

“It wasn’t that hard of a slap.” You tell them.

“Good. I would’ve kicked him in the shin if he had.” Jade says. You smile weakly and nod. The warning bell rings, Jade and Rose give you encouraging smiles. Jade wraps you up in a tight hug, Rose giving your arm a gentle squeeze, before the two of them take off to their class. John throws his arm around your shoulders and tugs you against him once more, leading you into the classroom. You plop down into your seat and drag out your notebook.

            You doodle more in the corners of your page of notes, not really paying much attention to the class. When the bell rings it’s a relief. John claps your back and follows you to your second. You keep an eye out for Nepeta in the halls, prepared to run in the opposite direction. John waves to you once you get close to the door, jogging off to his class across campus.

            Second is just as uneventful, but you can almost feel your skin crawling from the eyes on you. You think you hear your name being whispered several rows back. You tell yourself you’re just imagining it and leave the instant the bell rings to transition for third. In the hallway you’re tense once more, but when you make it to third in one piece you know you have to thank Karkat for whatever he told mama tiger.

            Jade welcomes you at the door and follows you to your desk. She smiles and tells you about funny things to ‘cheer you up’. You give her a patient smile in response and she moves to her desk when it’s time. You feel your phone buzz quietly in your pocket and you slide it out just enough to see what’s up. You have a message from Karkat. You would answer it, but your teacher in this class is strict as fuck. You’ll have to wait for your fourth, where the teacher doesn’t give two fucks really.

            Jade walks with you to your fourth, chatting enough for the both of you. You pause briefly when you see Nepeta and Equius outside the classroom. Equius nods politely at you, Nepeta gives you’re a hard look. Jade squares her shoulders next to you. Nepeta looks over at her. The two ladies look like they’re about to start a fight. You give Equius a look and he reaches a hand out to Nepeta’s shoulder, whispering something to her. She nods and flicks her head to toss her bangs out of her face. Equius looks back at you. You nod.

“Jade,” You touch her arm. “Don’t.” Jade looks over at you. You give her a small smile and she sighs, relaxing her shoulders.

“Be safe.” She says, waiting for you to go inside.

“I will.” You reply, grabbing the door handle. You hold it open for Equius as he approaches as well. The two of you walk to the back of the room with the rest of your group. You slide out your phone and look at the message Karkat sent you.

**_‘HEY ARE YOU OKAY?’_ **

**_‘im fine are you okay?’_ **

**_‘did your friends believe you?’_ **

**_‘what did you tell them?’_ **

**_‘were those tears real?’_ **

**_‘IM FINE. THOSE TEARS AND SOBS WERE FAKER THAN DONALD TRUMPS HAIR. ALL MY FRIENDS BELIEVED THE BREAKUP, THEY THOUGHT IT WAS DUMB BUT THEY BELIEVED IT.’_ **

**_‘thank god’_ **

**_‘see you in chem later?’_ **

**_‘YEAH.’_ **

            You tuck your phone away before you can get caught. You continue working on the assignment you were given last week. It’s not anything difficult, honestly you could get it done in a short period of time, you’re just lazy and don’t want to. You stall when the bell rings this time, in no rush to meet Nepeta outside the door.

            You push through the door once everyone has already gone. John is standing there and greets you with a wide smile. You nod at him and make your way to the cafeteria. John is a great buffer to some of the looks and whispers you hear. You focus more on him and his voice over the others. Jade waves the two of you over to the table she’s managed to snag for you four.

            Rose shows up a bit later, taking her usual spot next to you. You pick at the school lunch sorting it into two sections of edible and non-edible. Mushy cooked carrots? _Non-edible._ Mashed potatoes? _Only edible with the gravy._ Some Mc Spicy Chicken Sandwich knock-off? _Fuck yeah, that’s edible as all hell._ Rose offers you her pudding cup, which you proceed to fight with Jade over, jabbing your sporks at one another. John steals her milk and replaces it with OJ while she’s distracted. You let Jade have the pudding since she lost her milk. She eats it happily until she notices. Rose passes you the extra apple juice carton she snagged. It’s the usual lunch activity you suppose.

            Rose walks with you to fifth. She bumps her shoulder into your arm, casually reminding you that she’s still here. You chew your lip and adjust your backpack strap, you really should apologize to her.

“Hey Rose?”

“Yes?”

“I’m… I’m sorry about putting you through this again.”

“I already told you, it’s alright.” She hums softly.

“Not really.”

“Dave,” She stops and looks over at you. “I know you’re worried about damaging my relationship with Kanaya. I’ve already talked with her about it, and she knows it was a set up.”

“Still. It’s damaging to social life.”

“I have stopped caring about what people say about me. Perhaps it would be best if you learned to do it too.” She gives you a small smile.

“I’m trying.” You say.

“That’s what counts.” She starts walking again. You catch up with her quickly, and wave goodbye once you reach your classroom. Rose nods politely and continues on her way.

            You sit at your desk and glance around, looking for Nepeta. She walks in, chatting with another student and sits at her desk. She gives you an apologetic look and returns to the student. You sigh and bring out your notebook, jotting down the stuff on the board while the teacher finishes getting handouts prepared. You do your best to focus in this class, scribbling extra reminders and notes in the margins. You draw on the back of your handout however, near the end of the class. When the bell rings you stuff it into your notebook and shove it into your backpack. You get up and almost collide with Nepeta standing at your desk.

“Hey.” She crosses her arms.

“H-hey.”

“Look, I still think what you did was a dick move but, I’ll forgive you.” She says. You look around nervously.

“Uh, thanks?”

“Don’t do it again.” She pokes you in the chest and leaves. You stand there momentarily dazed. You have no idea what just happened. You shake your head and head out to sixth.

            A part of you wanted to run over to Karkat’s desk and give him a hug or something to let him know that you two are still cool, but you have to keep your dumb act up. You toss your backpack onto the floor and flop into your chair, grumbling nonsense. Sollux sits down next to Karkat behind you.

“I heard about what happened, sorry about that.” Sollux tells him. You yank your poor bag open and slap your notebook down on your desk. You flip to an empty page and start drawing random shit in it.

“It’s fine. We all know I can’t make these things last.” Karkat says softly.

“At least he could have tried better.” Sollux says. The lead in your pencil snaps from you pressing down too hard.

“Sollux, not now.”

“Just saying.” Sollux leans back in his chair. You quietly mock him and click your pencil until the lead comes back out. Karkat sighs and you wait to be assigned to your group for lab. You groan when he sets you up with Karkat and Sollux. _You have got to be kidding me._ Sollux glares at you as you approach the workbench he’s picked out, Karkat moving past you brusquely going to grab the worksheet.

“So.” Sollux starts.

“Not a word.” You glare at him. You really don’t want to deal with this guy today.

“You’re no better.” He crosses his arms.

“At least I didn’t _actually_ cheat on him.” You say.

“Broke his heart though.”

“You did worse.” You glare at him, already getting into a defensive stance out of habit. Karkat quickly steps in-between you two and writes your names on the sheet. Sollux mumbles something under his breath. _Speak into the microphone please._ Karkat nudges him and he sighs.

“I’ll go get the shit.” You grumble, walking away to grab the chemicals. You almost slam the stuff down on the workbench in front of them. Karkat jumps at the sound and you glance over at him, _calm down, that was a bit much._

“Jesus.” Sollux says.

“Let’s just get it over with.” You sigh, setting things up.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Strider.”

“Fuck off.” You tell him. Karkat nudges him again and when Sollux takes the chemicals away from you to start the lab, you don’t even fight him. You read over the sheet with Karkat and he snorts softly.

“What?” Sollux asks. Karkat points at the word ‘Sodium’

“Do you have eleven protons? ‘Cause you’re ‘sodium’ fine.” He says. You bite at your cheek and try not to smile.

“Are you a red blood cell, because you take the oxygen from my lungs and straight to my heart.” You mumble quietly to Karkat. You aren’t sure he hears you.

“Are you full of Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium? Because you are Be-Au-Ti full.” Sollux says. Karkat scoffs and smiles at him.

“You know why men are sexier than women,” He glances over at Sollux. “Because you can’t spell ‘sexy’ without ‘xy’.” You place a hand over your mouth and try not to laugh.

“Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you.” Sollux says, carefully pouring the chemicals into a large beaker. You roll your eyes.

“I wish I were adenine, because then I could get paired with ‘U’.” Karkat snickers to his own line.

“Are those space pants? Because you’re ass is out of this world.” You have to restrain a groan. How did you get into this weird pick up line battle?

“You always liked this ass.” Karkat comments.

“It’s nice.” Sollux says. You have picked up your pencil and started drawing in the corner of the worksheet again.

“You must be made of Uranium and Iodine, because all I see is ‘U’ and ‘I’.” He says. Karkat smiles softly.

“You know Sollux, it’s a good thing you’ve got evaporative cooling. ‘Cause I’m going to make you sweat.” _That was pretty bad, dear lord._

“If I were an enzyme, I’d be a DNA Helicase, so I could unzip your genes.”

“Is Sollux a ten on the pH scale, because he’s a basic ho.” You mumble darkly. Karkat glances over at you. _Oh sure, you heard that one._

“You must be the square root of two, because I feel irrational around you.” Sollux says, bringing Karkat’s attention back on him. You draw Sollux being attacked by a swarm of bees.

“Careful, I could break you like a large non-polar substance breaks a phospholipid bilayer.” Karkat replies with.

“You turn my floppy disk into a hard drive.” Sollux snickers. You make a face and draw Karkat holding your hand. He smiles and laughs at the dumb line. You start to draw a small heart between doodle-you and doodle-Karkat.

“Your mouth says, “shields up” but your eyes say, “a hull breach is imminent”.” Sollux says. Karkat swats at his arm, covering his smile with a hand and trying to muffle his laugh. You scratch the whole drawing out with dark lines.

“If I was endoplasmic reticulum how would you want me, rough or smooth?” Sollux asks. You are done. You don’t even wait to hear what Karkat comes up with. You walk over to your desk and grab your shit, stuffing it into your backpack and dragging your handbook out. You get the teacher to sign off on a hall pass and you storm out of the class and down the hallway.

            You throw the bathroom door open, drop your backpack onto the floor, and slam your hands down on the sink counter. You aren’t sure why you’re frustrated but you are and you glare back at your own reflection. You grab fistfuls of your hair and tug at the strands. When you let go your hands find their way to your arms. You tug at the sleeves and rub the material harshly into your skin. You are trying to behave, you don’t want to start over again, but it’s hard.

            You pace the small room and kick at the floor, growling softly. The final bell of the day rings and you stop and take several deep breaths. You need to calm down. You hear the door open and as reflex you look over at the door.

“Oh, so this is where you came to hide. Can’t even do your fair share for a class project I see.” Sollux says, walking in. _Fate really loves to fuck you over doesn’t it._ Your hands tighten in to fists.

“Fuck off.”

“You always say that to me when you have the chance, but I’m glad it’s you who fucked off out of my way today.” He crosses his arms.

“You have no chill do you, we just broke up and yet here you are. All over his ass.”

“You are no one to talk about chill you fucking junkie. You’re the one who has no idea what chill is. I see how you get in the middle of class sometimes, plus with how fucking possessive you get around Karkat. I’d rather make him smile and laugh with silly pick-up lines than watch him sadly stand beside you after the fucking scene you two had this morning.”

“I’m not a junkie. And how am I being possessive?” You ask.

“Even before you two started dating you’ve been like some ridiculous helicopter all over him. You don’t even let me get near him without getting all fucking tensed up. God forbid I try to be his friend again.”

“I _know_ you aren’t happy with just that. I know you want another shot, don’t give me that shit.” You snap at him.

“So what? He’s not yours now.” He snaps back. You have to bite your tongue. _We never were anything._ You go to grab your backpack off the floor, slinging it over your shoulder.

“Just leave me alone.” You say, trying to step around him. Sollux steps right back in front of you. You cross your arms.

“I’ll leave you alone, when you leave Karkat alone. Don’t you get it? He’s only been using you. You guys didn’t even last. It’s obvious that he just needed a distraction.”

“What makes you think he’s using me?” You glare at him.

“How about you think about it a bit.”

“I think you’re _over_ thinking it.” You say, trying to step to the other side. He steps in front of you again.

“Oh really? You know, it hasn’t been _too_ long since we broke things off.”

“Trust me, he’s over you.” You roll your eyes and try again, managing to get around him this time.

“Not everyone moves on as quick as you do, whore.” He says before you can reach the handle. You flinch.

“I am not a _whore._ ”

“Oh please. You are the definition of ‘whore’. I’m surprised KK didn’t think about all the shit that goes around about you before going out with you. He probably just said yes out of pity. Then you went out and broke his little heart as if it meant nothing to you.”

“At least I’m not a two-timing dirty ass cheater.” You whip around to face him.

“I have no problem making up for my fuck ups.” He says, balling his hands into fists.

“I don’t either, but I’m _sick and tired_ of being called a whore when I’m not!”

“Slut, whore, ‘entertainer’, same thing. Go ahead and call it whatever the fuck lets you sleep at night.”

“I’m not a _slut!_ ” You yell. Sollux scoffs.

“You’re just going to end up dead on the streets, sucking jerks off only to use what you get from it on your nasty habits.” He says. It cuts you deep.

“You…you don’t know jack shit about me.”

“I know enough to know that Karkat probably feels like a fucking charity foundation hanging out with you.” He steps closer to you. You are shaking. You really don’t want to throw the first punch but damn is it getting tempting.

“Oh? Does the little bitch want to cry?” He asks in a mocking tone.

“You wish.” You spit out from clenched teeth.

“Sometimes wishes really do come true.”

“Didn’t know tears got you off. Though I should’ve seen it coming with what you did to Karkat.”

“Why do you keep bringing that shit up? What are you going to do? Kiss the floor he stands on and remind him that I broke his heart too? ‘Oh boo hoo, look Karkat, everyone can break your fucking heart, I just did it a bit nicer’. Oh yes, he’s going to forgive you.” He rolls his eyes. You curl and uncurl your fists, trying to reason with yourself. You can’t get into too much trouble if he swings first.

“If he does, it would only give me a bigger reason to think that he just feels so damn sorry for you. What did you do, Dave? Tell him you’d kill yourself if he didn’t look your way? You’re fucking _sick_. Why don’t you just do us all a damn favor already and never wake up for school again?” It feels like time suddenly stops. You feel like you’ve just been stabbed with ice. The wind has been knocked out of you and you can’t seem to get it back. The next thing you know, you’re seeing red. You throw a strong right hook right into his smug face. Time starts back up again and he falls flat on his ass.

“You _fucking asshole!_ ” You scream, dropping your bag, and going over to him. Sollux rolls onto his side and grabs at your legs shoving you onto the ground. He grips the front of your shirt and returns the punch you gave him. Your shades scatter across the floor and you drive your knee into his stomach. He wheezes and you push him off making a break for the door.

            He’s right at your heels when you push it open. Sollux grabs at you and shoves you back against the floor. He’s quick to get on top of you, clawing at your face and arms. You jab your elbow into his throat and slam your forehead into his nose. He rolls off, kicking you back in the stomach. Sollux scrambles back up to his feet and kicks you in the chest as well. You grab at his legs and tug him back down. He collapses his full weight onto you and you bite hard at his neck in retaliation. He hisses and tugs you back by the hair, punching you in the face again. You’re a bit dizzy, but you manage to spit in his face. Sollux draws his hands back going for your face again when a security guard tackles him off of you. Another comes and grabs you as you get up. You struggle against him, kicking at the air.

“I DON’T NEED YOU’RE FUCKING HELP CAPTOR!” You shout. The two of you are hauled away to the office, passing through a crowd you didn’t even noticed arrive. The guard restraining you sits you down on one bench outside of the principal’s office; Sollux is placed across from you. You glare at him and briefly wonder if your shades are okay.

            You hear the secretary calling your bro and Sollux’s dads. Karkat walks in and walks over by the secretary, on his phone with someone. He must have followed you two in here and you wonder who he’s on the phone with. Sollux is death glaring you and you can feel the fight instincts dying out.

“I doubt neither of your parents are going to show up.” He says.

“Jokes on you, I don’t have any.” You flip him off. He rolls his eyes.

“I guess that shit just went over your fucking head you idiot.”

“I really don’t give a shit. They’re probably dead anyway.” You shrug.

“You should join them soon.” He mumbles. You twitch.

“You know, months ago, I probably would have been stupid enough to listen to you. Let that fucking sink in.” You say, shooting daggers at him. Karkat walks back and stands in front of Sollux.

“Why do I have the feeling that you started this?” Karkat looks down at Sollux. He looks away from Karkat, staring at the ground. You rest your head back against the wall, the last of your energy sapped.

“I’m done believing anything you fucking say and the whole idea of wanting to be nice and be friends. You would _not_ treat my friends like you do if you fucking did. So tell me what the fuck just happened.” Karkat crosses his arms and look over at you as well.

“Teletón USA is over KK, enough with the charity work.” Sollux says.

“Listen here you ass-whiffing fuck muffin, if your nose wasn’t already broken I’d break it right now!” Karkat snaps at him. You stretch your leg out and tap him with your shoe. Sollux glares up at Karkat. The secretary tells him to either take a seat and be quiet or go home. Karkat plops down beside you, glaring back just as harshly at Sollux. You just offer up a bored look.

            A bit later, two men show up, one in a nice red suit, the other in police uniform. They are escorted to the principle’s office with Sollux. _Must be his dads then._ You tap your feet lightly against the ground for a few moments.

“…I’m sorry.” You tell Karkat. You promised no more fights and yet here you are.

“I know you didn’t start it.” He says.

“Technically, I threw the first punch.”

“What did he tell you?” He looks over at you. You fidget quietly in your seat. He accepts your silence for now and you’re thankful for it.

“…You look so bad. Does it hurt?” Karkat asks, resting a hand on your leg and leaning closer to inspect your face. Your eye is currently swollen, you can feel the bruise setting in.

“Kinda, but it’s fine… Am I possessive?” You ask. Karkat squints at you.

“Possessive?”

“Yeah.”

“No? You always let me borrow your junk. And you always offer too?” He shakes his head.

“No, I meant, possessive over you.” You say. He’s silent for a second and you look over at him. He gives you a small smile.

“I’d call it protective.” He says.

“Thin lines.” You sigh and close your good eye.

“Thin, but obvious lines. Trust me. I know what it’s like to have someone be overly possessive.” He leans back to give you some more room.

“…He called me a whore.” You tell him.

“He’s one to talk.” Karkat scoffs and gives the door he went through a nasty look.

“I called him a dirty cheater and he called me a junkie.”

“Why are you two always fighting?”

“I don’t know…” You shrug.

“…It’s because of me, isn’t it?” He asks.

“Not this time, it was personal.” You wrap your arms around yourself and bring your legs closer to you. Karkat looks over at you again, ready to ask you something when he’s distracted by something.

“My, my, they didn’t tell me _you_ were in trouble too Karkat.” A familiar voice says. You look over your shoulder and see Kankri standing there.

“I’m just here making sure the Captors stay away from him.” Karkat tells him. He raises an eyebrow.

“The Captors?” He looks over at you. “You got into a fight with Sollux?”

“Called me a whore.” You tell him. Kankri is completely stunned for a beat.

“Why I –! What is it with you kids and slut shaming!? Sure, it’s nothing people your age should even know about but still! Discrimination and hate starts at such a young age now!”

“I’m as virgin as the day I was born so.” You shrug.

“Captors.” He glares at the principle’s door and hisses. Karkat leans over to you.

“Sollux’s dad is a lawyer and the other is a cop. Kankri gets into a lot of arguments with them about morality. It’s kind of fun sometimes. Mr. Captor also called Kankri’s mole fake once too, so I think we’re in good hands.”

“His _‘mo-leh’_?”

“It’s a dish, Dave.”

“Oh. Well then, that’s good?” You offer a little smile. Kankri goes over to wait by the door.

“…Are we okay?” Karkat asks.

“Of course we are. Why wouldn’t we be?” You look over at him.

“We always end up in such weird situations.”

“It’s part of the fun.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of all this ‘fun’?” He asks.

“Nah.” You rest your head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly. You grunt softly but hug him too, patting his back. He lets go when the secretary comes over for you. You get up and smile at Karkat before heading in. Kankri and the Captors are having a heated discussion, when you walk in and sit in the empty chair.

“Hey prince.” You greet the principal.

“Dave.” He rubs his temples.

“How’s the wife?” You ask casually, leaning back in your chair. He fixes his desk.

“Good, good. She just had the baby. Junior is doing well too.”

“That’s good. Send ‘em my best.” You say. You have been in here too many times. The principal nods anyway. Kankri and the Captor dads sit down and get quiet.

“So, want to tell us what happened Dave?” The principal asks, lacing his fingers together and setting them on the desk. You sigh.

“Yeah sure. Um. I was getting frustrated in class so I left to go calm down in the bathroom.” You start.

“He was probably going to get high.” You hear Sollux mumble. You look over at him.

“Sollux, what’s good?” You say.

“Are you on drugs son.” Cop-dad shoots you a look.

“No. I’m not sir.” You can say with confidence. Kankri scoffs.

“That is absurd! I have known Dave for a good while now, and I doubt that he is into such bad habits! Why, check him right now if you want to!” _Oh if only you knew Kankri._ You have never been so relieved to be clean before.

“Well if you insist!” Cop-dad starts to stand up.

“Honey!” Lawyer-suit dad says.

“Woah, woah, hey now, I don’t need to be frisked. I’m not in the mood for that. I’ll empty my own pockets thanks.” You say.

“That will not be needed officer, please stay in your seat,” The principal looks over at you. “Dave, just stay where you are, this is not what this is about. Unless Sollux has any proof that drugs are the reason this altercation started.” He looks over at him. Sollux just shakes his head. You get comfortable in your seat again, glancing over to Cop-dad.

“So as I was saying, calming down in the bathroom, bell rings, I get ready to head over to my locker when Sollux here shows up.” Both dads are listening to you. Kankri is scribbling notes in a small pocket notebook that you aren’t sure where he took it out.

“I try to leave peacefully but he starts antagonizing me, and I told him to chill out. I’m still nursing a slightly broken heart and seeing him flirt with my ex the _day we broke up_ kinda hurts. Then he called me a possessive junkie.” You say. Kankri looks over at you, he seems a tad surprised at first and then apologetic. _Whoops._

“I tried to leave again but he stops me, I tell him to leave me alone and he says that he will once I back off my ex. He continues with saying how my ex just wasn’t over him because now we unfortunately have the same ex.” Cop-dad gives Sollux a look. It makes him squirm slightly in his seat. Lawyer-dad looks a bit saddened by the story so far.

“I told him he was wrong and that our respective ex was over him, and he called me a whore.”

“So you’re telling me that this whole thing was over some girl?” The principal sighs.

“Ehhh…” All three Captors say.

“Prince, remember? I’ve been in here before because of me _not_ liking girls.” You remind him.

“Ah. Right. So over a…boy then?” He corrects himself.

“At first yeah, but then he told me I was probably going to end up overdosed on the streets after prostituting myself out.” The change in the atmosphere is clear. The adults all turn to face Sollux who shrinks down further in his seat.  
“Then he…” You play with your fingers and force nervous giggles down. “Well he uh, basically told me to go kill myself.”

“Sollux Athnan Captor!” Laywer-dad shouts. Cop-dad gives him a severely disappointed look. You take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“…It really got to me for um…reasons. And uh, that’s when I took the first swing.” You curl in on yourself just a bit, wishing you had your shades back where you would feel comfortable and safe.

“Is this true?” Cop-dad asks Sollux. He doesn’t respond.

“I am _so_ sorry.” Lawyer-dad says to you. You almost jump when you feel Kankri’s hand gently rest on your wrist. You stare down at it, not really wanting to meet the principal’s eyes.

“I cannot take this sort of thing lightly, I hope you understand.” The principal says. You nod. You don’t see if anyone else agrees, but you figure they do. Kankri rubs his thumb in a soft circle on your skin.

“I will have to suspend Sollux for eight days. Dave, since you did make the fight physical I will have to give you three days of detention.” He decides. You nod. Honestly, three days for a fight has to be the least severe punishment with how bad it got.

            You go home with Kankri and Karkat. They take you back to their apartment, since Bro’s still at work himself. A part of you thinks it’s a bit silly, but you understand the reason they don’t want to leave you alone. Kankri tells Karkat about everything that happened as he opens the door. You don’t even have your backpack to drop off in Karkat’s room. You left it in the bathroom. You curl up on the couch, feeling heavy and tired. You can hear the two of them speaking quietly back and forth in Spanish while they move about the kitchen area.

            Your phone buzzes a couple of times in your pocket and you don’t intend to answer it. However, you start worrying if it’s Bro and you check it anyway. It’s a message from John and you go to lock you phone again, but that would be rude. You at least have to tell him something.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

EB: hey dave, i have your shades!

EB: and uh, your backpack?

EB: i’ll drop it off by your apartment later okay?

EB: also, i saw a police man come in!

EB: did you fucking kill Sollux or something?

EB: how much time did you get? i can get my cousin who’s a lawyer if you need help.

EB: he totally deserved it though.

 

            _That dork._ You feel a slight smile tug at the corner of your lips and send him a message back.

 

TG: ill tell you about it tomorrow

TG: promise

TG: and yeah man go ahead

TG: doors probably locked though

TG: still got a key?

EB: yep!

EB: still do!

TG: aight

TG: just drop it off in my room then

TG: and no snooping

EB: aww, but dave.

EB: all the snooping that can be done.

TG: should not be done.

TG: got it snoopy?

TG: wouldnt want you to i dunno

TG: spoil a surprise or some shit

EB: ughhhhhhhh.

EB: fine!

EB: only because i hate being a spoil sport.

TG: i know

EB: take care of yourself then.

TG: promise

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \-- 

           

            Karkat sits down next to you, bowl in one hand, frozen peas in the other. You take the peas and press them against your swollen eye. He passes you the bowl once you got the impromptu ice pack in place. Kankri’s phone goes off and he has to leave the two of you behind. Something at work came up you guess. Karkat rests his head in your lap and turns on the TV.

            They made you albóndigas, and you quickly ate that shit up. Once the bowl is empty you set it aside on the small side table by the couch. Your hand comes down and combs through Karkat’s hair. He looks up at you.

“How’s your eye?”

“Frosty.” You say, pulling the bag away. He reaches up and cups your cold cheek with his warm hand. You lean into the touch and hum softly.

“Are you going to be alright tonight? Do you want to spend the night here after you and Bro talk?”

“I’ll be fine. But I could totes come over anyway.” You casually press a light kiss to his hand.

“I just don’t want you to feel alone tonight. Well, ever really. Sollux is dead to me now. I knew he as an asshole, but I honestly never thought he’d ever pull something like this out of that tight pucker.”

“Just cuddle me and I’ll be good. Promise.” You chuckle softly.

“I’m all yours then.” He says, opening his arms. You shift so you can properly cuddle up with him on his couch. He holds you close to his chest and you cling to him, taking a deep breath.

“Are you okay?”

“…Shaky actually,” You say after a minute. “But, I’ll be okay.”

“What’s up?”

“Some of what he said is bugging me.” You tell him. Karkat takes your hands in his.

“Shh, I’m not going to let you hurt yourself.”

“I know.” You bury your head deeper into his chest. Karkat loops his arms around you and holds you.

“Did he say anything else?”

“‘Charity case’. That I’m just your charity case.” You repeat the words.

“If there’s one person I feel sorry for, it’s him.” Karkat says, pulling you close. You focus on keeping slow, deep breaths and his voice. He rubs your back gently and you force your muscles to relax.

“…When I first saw you at Gamzee’s…I felt sorry for you. Not the ‘oh no, poor boy’ sorry but the ‘eww, what the hell?’ kind of sorry. I’ll admit that. But the second you wanted to leave in a rush rather then let me help it’s when I…I don’t know. I felt you needed some help. I got rid of your drugs. You kept yourself clean. We took care of other things. I’m not sure when, but somewhere along all of this, I realized that you were helping me out too. Not like any charity but more like a partnership. You know?” He says. You nod, shifting to rest your good side against his chest. You listen to his heartbeat and the rumble of his voice through his ribcage.

“You pity and feel sorry for those you know have no hope, no future. I know you have plenty of that, and a lot of fight left in you. I love that,” He snorts, leaning back so he can look up at you. “I want to see you prove a few maggot-eaters wrong. I’m not sorry for you, I’m proud of you.” You cover your face with your hands, being gentle with your sore side and peek out from between your fingers. _You aren’t blushing, nope._

“I’ve learned a lot from you, you know? I think you helped me calm down a bit more, listen more, maybe even a bit more about patience. And while I’ve been here, learning more about you, the things you do, the shit you use to, and the way you like to fuck around, I’ve sort of figure out some of my own shit.” He says.

“Yeah?” You uncover your face.

“Like being fucking cheesier than melted nacho-stuffed mozzarella sticks, double dipped in cheese fondue.” He offers an example. You snicker and rest back down against his chest, bringing your arms more comfortably around him.

“Or how to make extra albóndigas when a good friend is over,” He runs his fingers through your hair. “How to wake up at night when my phone goes off with certain ringtones. To think about what I’m going to let out of my mouth when both parties are angry. And how to sometimes be the first one to apologize when it really is my fault.” He says. You nod and nuzzle his chest. He gives you a small smile. You feel yourself relaxing into a puddle. You aren’t sure when it happens, but you find yourself asleep on top of him drifting off to happier dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	26. Tuxes and Closets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> -Dancing  
> -Square dancing  
> -Prom is coming  
> -Fake dates  
> -Bro Strider makes a reappearance  
> -Lil' Cal  
> -Sewing  
> -Coming out  
> -Bro hugs

             You are dancing on the rooftop with Karkat after school on Friday, fourth day of Sollux’s suspension. School is much more manageable without you having to wonder if he’s watching you and Karkat during class and in the halls. Most of the student body are certain the fight was about Karkat, and while they’re half right, you don’t fight them about it. Your eye, other bruises, and couple of scratches have now since healed up. You and Karkat are definitely cool though, so cool the two of you are fucking penguins on ice. So cool that you’re willing to try again.

            You don’t know much when it comes to slow dancing or whatever other crazy ballroom, choreographed dancing styles. The only ballroom type of dancing you know is square dancing, thanks to Bro, and it’s shitty at best. You also vaguely know a few other moves that Bro taught you as well when you were a kid. It’s some old school hip-hop thing. You aren’t any better at this either. You’re trying though.

            Karkat is just sitting on top of an air vent and watching you go. Which totally doesn’t make you feel nervous, not in the slightest. It also totally doesn’t mess up what few steps you can put together. Nope. You try focusing back on the music playing through your headphones, turning them up for good measure.

            You’re only trying to figure out the whole dancing business because of prom. You’ve been ignoring Rose’s very wise requests for you to learn for a while now, and it’s coming back to bite you in the ass. It’s not your fault really. You were busy coming up with a new plan to woo Karkat, version 2.3. However, the plan requires you to have some actual dancing ability.

            You plan on taking him to prom, one way or another, and dance with him. Or at least try to at this rate. You just have to ask Karkat to be your _actual_ real date to this thing, instead of the whole weird fake date shit you do with Rose so she can be with her babe. Not that you mind taking her, but it makes it a bit awkward to ask Karkat.

            This plan is among one of the other ideas that’s churning around in that head of yours. The other might put you in a slightly uncomfortable situation in order for it to get done. It’s not difficult or anything, and if you really tried you could probably do it without the uncomfortable part. You’ll just have to burn that bridge when you get there. For now, you should focus on what you’re doing. What you were attempting to do was an L-Kick, but you put too much momentum into it causing you to flip and land harshly on your side. You groan softly, rolling onto your back.

“Fell off of cloud nine already?” Karkat calls, hopping off the vent and walking over to you. He looks down at you and gives you a smile.

“Nope.” You smile back up at him. He offers you his hand. You wipe the gravel off your palm and take it. He pulls you back up onto your feet and you slip your headphones down around your neck. Karkat reaches up and turns the ear-pads outwards and unplugs them from your phone. You watch him curiously as he plugs them into his phone instead. He cranks up the volume on his phone and selects a song. It’s slow and you already know you’re going to have some problems here. He takes one of your hands into his and places your other along his side before stepping closer to you.

“Slow dancin’?” You can feel you face heat up a bit.

“If you think you can keep up.” He challenges you.

“I can try.”

“Alright then, just pull me a bit closer when you’re ready.” He says. You nod and adjust the hand on his side, dropping it to his waist and pulling him a bit closer. Karkat leads you through a few slow and smooth steps. You do your best to follow, staring down at your feet

“See? It’s not too hard to keep your noodle limbs in one place.” He says with a slight smile. You glance up at him and then accidently step on him.

“Fuck! Sorry!” You apologize, looking back down at your dumb legs and dumber feet.

“It’s fine,” Karkat says with a pained twinge to his voice. “Just step lightly. Like this.” He also looks down at your feet, moving his slower for you to copy.

“You have to get these, Dave. Otherwise I can’t ask you to be my date to the prom.” He says. You immediately trip over your own legs and look up at him.

“W-what?”

“J-Just, you know?” Karkat says, ears turning pink. He lets go of you to cross his arms and stare at the corner of the building. Your mind has blanked for a second, processing what he said.

“I just thought since we, you know, we’re both single and I’ve been told many times that I will be sorry if I don’t go. So I…uh… I wanted to go with you. I-if you want to, but if not, I guess that’s fine. Well, I’m still taking Kanaya a-and I thought you would be taking Rose like she mentioned but–” He rambles nervously.

“N-no!” You cut him off.

“…Uh. Thought you and I um.”

“I… I uh. I w-want to go with you.” You get out. He looks back at you. A slow smile spreads out across his face. You’re red from ear to ear you know it. Karkat looks down at the ground, smile still wide.

“I want to go with you.” You say with more confidence in your voice. He looks back up at you.  
  
“So, it’s a date?”

“Yeah, a date.” You nod enthusiastically.

“Is this too weird? I mean, it can be a friendly friend date or um… Is it alright if we’re not…so um…?” He plays with his fingers. You laugh nervously to yourself.

“I-it’s um. It’s fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” You bite at your lip.

“Because we, we still have to take the girl but I… Once they do their own thing, we can just sit together or um. I have no idea what other things people do at these sort of events besides trying to put shit in the punch and make freshmen on the dance floor.” He scoffs and rests his forehead against your chest.

“We can try to maybe dance if we feel like it?” You suggest. He nods.

“Which is why I’m trying to make sure you don’t make a total fool of yourself.”

“Thanks,” You say with a smile. “Let’s try again?”

“Whenever you’re ready.” He says, looking up at you. You try repeating the moves he did earlier, as he lets you lead now. You still stumble over your legs and his. You mumble apologies and he rests his head on your shoulder, whispering that it’s all right. You keep trying though and Karkat puts up with you until Kankri calls him. You walk him back to his place, deciding to just go home yourself as well.

“See you later.” You tell him at his door.

“Yeah.” He gives you a small smile before walking inside. You shove your hands into your pockets and make your way home.

            You open the door and are a bit surprised to see Bro sitting on the couch. You step inside and notice he’s got Cal in his hand, stitching that creepy fucker up. You chew on your lip. You have to ask him something but you have to decide if it’s worth being in Cal’s presence.

“Yes Dave?” Bro calls. He probably heard you open the door and just stand there. You fidget slightly.

“Um I… uh.” You try to find the words. He puts Cal down and tips his ironic as fuck granny glasses down to look at you over them. You laugh nervously.

“I got a favor to ask you.”

“I ain’t buyin ya beer.” He says.

“No. That’s not what I want.” You scrunch your nose.

“Then?”

“Feel up for a challenge?”

“I am intrigued.” Bro turns to face you a bit better.

“I need a tux.”

“A tux? As in ‘tuxedo’?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

“Like, fancy summer ball? Gonna make all ‘em beaus swoon.”

“Well, prom, but y’know.” You shrug.

“Ah, I see,” He trades glasses for shades. “When d’ya need it?”

“By uh, next Friday.” You rub an arm. He clicks his tongue in thought.

“Well, I have one, prolly jus’ gotta fix it up ta yer size though.” He glances at the sewing kit next to him and he sets Cal aside.

“Might have’ta take out the actual sewin’ machine. Get it fer me while I go find that tux?” You nod and head over to the small closet. It takes you a bit of digging to find it, but you drag the whole thing out. You set it down on the table in the kitchen. Bro comes back, tux in hand and drapes it over the back of the couch.

“Here we go, good as new. I got it fer the same purpose ya need it. Looks like it _will_ be goin’ ta prom after all.” He says. You walk over to him.

“You didn’t go to prom?” You ask. He places his hand on your head.

“Nah. Had’ta babysit that night.” He gives you a small smile.

“Sorry…” You can’t help but feel a bit bad about it.

“Don’ be. Ya can make up fet it by takin’ it ta yours. ‘N getting me lots of pics.”

“I can try.” You say. He pulls you into a side hug and looks at the tux.

“Need’ta get yer measurements down, then we can try ‘n fit this thing.”

“Alright.” You say. Bro reaches into his little kit and pulls out measuring tape.

“So, who’s all goin’?” He asks, unrolling the coil.

“Um. John’s going with Vriska. I think Jade’s going alone. Um, Rose and Kanaya want to go together but…” You trail off.

“Too gay fer school?”

“Yeah.” You say. He makes a face and steps in front of you.

“’S dumb.” He mumbles.

“Yeah. That’s why I’m taking Rose and Karkat’s taking Kanaya. We’re their fake dates.” You say as he wraps the tape around your chest.

“Oh? Tha’s smart.” He writes the number down on the back of his hand.

“Mhmm.”

“So how is Karkat doin’ with that ass who got you in trouble? Did he really stop talkin’ t’him?” He measures your waist, and then kneels down to measure your hips.

“Yeah. Which is good. I’m glad he’s finally backing off of Karkat now.” You nod.

“Must be hard for ‘im, Karkat I mean. S’always awkward when ‘n ex wont leave ya alone.” Bro measures your leg and inseam. You nod in agreement.

“Well… I wouldn’t know really. More of just trying to be good friends after…” You trail off, realizing you’ve said too much.

“After what?” He asks.

“After my ‘breakup’.” You say. He hums and nods, standing back up to measure your arms.

“It barely counted as a relationship.” You mumble.

“Well yeah, it was staged wannit? Ya told me it was t’help her cover up the fact she liked girls.” Bro says, moving behind you to lay the tape across your back.

“Rose and I were fine afterwards. It was me and John who weren’t.”

“After the whole ‘bi-curious’ thing?” He asks, scribbling down the final numbers he needed. You nod.

“We um ‘dated’ for like, three days.”

“Huh. So I’m guessin’ things didn’t go too smooth after the breakup.” He says, grabbing the tux off the couch and handing it to you.

“It was awkward a lot. It was hard to be alone with him at first.”

“But y’two are cool now right? He’s been over now and then and ya’ve gone over t’his place.” Bro turns his back to you.

“Yeah, we’re better now.”

“Tha’s good.” He hums. You realize that he wants you in the tuxedo and you quickly get yourself in it.

“So last time ya mentioned that John didn’t like Karkat too much. Are they better friends now?”

“…Well I think? John sorta likes him, or at least he’s respectful of the fact that we are good friends. And um Karkat might not like him as much anymore, because of that stupid bet.” You say, walking over to Bro in the too big tux. He grabs some pins from his kit and looks over at you.

“A bet?”

“Five-hundred thirty-five dollars worth.” You say. He whistles.

“A bet on what though?” He steps closer and starts to fold and pin the jacket how he’ll need it.

“Something stupid I can assure you. John ‘won’ but we made him divide it up equally because of his big mouth sending slander all over the place.” You grumble.

“Slander?”

“Ugh,” You roll your eyes. “He took one thing I said and blew it out of proportion.”

“What didja say and what’d he do?”

“Karkat and I had fought. John came over after it and helped me make it up to him. When he asked me about it later I told him that things were great. He decided to interpret it as “I am totally sucking Karkat’s dick and were best boyfriends”. The whole bet was when the two of us would actually start dating. That’s how John won. But I’m obviously not dating Karkat, however the whole fucking school thought we were.”

“A’ight. I see.” He carefully pushes the jacket off of you and starts adjusting the shirt.

“So we faked it for like a week and broke up.” You blow hair out of your face. Bro squints his eyes at you.

“S’that why you an’ his ex fought?”

“…A part of it.” You tell him.

“That Sollux kid needs to fuckin’ chill. S’obvious you don’t like Karkat like that.” He says. You chew your lip and stare at the wall, which suddenly became extremely interesting. Bro hums to himself as he fixes your shirtsleeves.

“…Bro I…” You start. Honestly, you were probably going to come out to him sooner or later.

“Hm?” He moves to adjusting your pants. You quietly curse to your self and try to start again.

“I-I uh…” Your words seem to be gone for the moment. He stops and looks up at you.

“’Sup lil’ dude?”

“Um I… I need t-to tell you s-something.” You still feel silly for being scared about this, but the paranoia is still there clawing at the back of your mind. He sets the pincushion down and slips his shades off.

“Go fer it kid.” He gives you a slightly worried look. You push your own shades up to rest on top of your head then.

“Um I…” You start again, trying to find the right words. “I’m not… I’m not like the other guys. I mean um. Fuck.” You nervously shift your weight back and forth on your feet. He tilts his head curiously.

“D’ya want me to call ya lil’ sis?” He asks.

“N-no. Not like that. I’m good on that end of things, as far as I know.” You assure him. He nods.

“I meant like uh,” You play with the sleeves of your shirt and take a deep breath. “Um I-I… I don’t…” Bro watches you calmly as you start chewing on your fingernails. He waits patiently for you to continue.

“I don’t like uh… B-but I like…” You groan and cover your face with your hands. You say it softly, muffled from your palms.

“What was that?” He asks, not able to hear you. You mumble it a bit louder, face turning red. He gives you a confused look, you say it again not moving your hands.

“Dave, if you can mumble it to me, you can say it. Don’t leave it to me to start guessin’.” He sighs softly. You pull your hands away from your face.

“I LIKE GUYS, OKAY! I AM _SO_ FUCKING GAY! THERE! I SAID IT! FINALLY SAID IT!” You didn’t intend to scream it to the high heavens but you did.

“Yeah and I think even the neighbors heard ya.” Bro comments, grabbing at one of your sleeves and fixing it again. You groan loudly, wanting to go curl up on the floor and die. He gives you a smirk. You can feel tears prickle at your eyes. He notices though and his smirk falls.

“Hey, shhh. It’s all right.” He says softly. You sniffle and he wraps his arms around your shoulders, careful of the pins. You hug him back and find you are a bit shaky. Bro picks you up and sits on the floor with you in his lap. He gently rocks the two of you reminding you that everything is all right and that he’s here for you. You feel dumb about being scared. He holds you tight against him.

“Dave, I am the last guy who is gonna judge you over things that don’t change your person,” He pulls back so he can look at your face. “What didja expect me to do? Kick ya out? Nah kid, you ain’t gettin’ outta here ‘till college.” A small laugh bubbles out.

“I don’t know. Just, scared I guess… I mean it’s one thing to be supportive of it all and another thing to have your kid actually come out…” You rub at your face. Bro shakes his head. You rest your forehead against his chest and listen to him breathe.

“Shouldn’t you at least be a bit surprised?” You look up at him.

“Should I?” He asks

“Yeah.” You nod. He mock gasps.

“My kid. _My kid,_ a queer,” He presses a hand to his forehead and lies down. “Good lordy lord all mighty, how’d this happen?”

“You know what I meant.” You laugh and hit his shoulder. He sits back up.

“What I’m surprised of is, how _you_ thought I couldn’t tell. When I see ya lookin’ over at the Goblin kid with ‘em big ol’ eyes.” He smiles at you. You flop against the ground making a loud embarrassed wail.

“What about before?” You ask.

“Well, t’be honest, I never really put a label on ya. I was just waitin’ for ya t’find one and t’share with me when you found yerself. By now, I thought you were gonna come out as ‘Karkat’-sexual.” He chuckles with a little smirk. You groan and he ruffles your hair.

“…I love him.” You say.

“You’re in love?” Bro asks with this large smile.

“Him and his dumb smile. His cute freckles. His laugh…” You trail off.

“Yeah, s’what love’s about.”

“…I want to actually date him, not fake it, not friends with benefits shit.” You look up at Bro. _Is he getting teary eyed?_

“He asked me to be his date for the prom.” You tell him. He covers his mouth, hiding the wide smile. You can still see his joy in his eyes though.

“What?” You ask.

“Y’two are too cute together.” He says.

“We’re not together. Not yet.” You sit up.

“Y’know what I meant kid. Y’two are so close when I see you, and ya make each other smile. He takes good care of you. Go for it.”

“I’m trying, but it’s hard.” You say. He places his hands on your shoulders.

“Trust me, wait ‘til prom. Like ya said he asked you. After that, it’ll be yer turn ta ask. Be honest with ‘im. I think he really likes ya back. Maybe all he needs is some honesty.”

“That’s what the girls said too.” You nod. Rose and Jade had both talked with you on the phone about it the other night as you went over your plan with them.

“Guess it’s all you’ll need next.” Bro chuckles.

“They also told me to stop listening to John and his horrible ideas.”

“Also a good idea.” Bro nods. You snicker.

“Did I tell you about V-Day?”

“No? But I think you came in here runnin’. Wanna share?” He asks.

“Karkat and I went on a date.”

“Oh? Didja kiss him?” He teases.

“He kissed me at the end, when I walked him back to his apartment.” You say, a small smile coming up at the memory.

“Cute.” Bro says, picking up the tux coat and walking over to his machine. You follow after him.

“It totally made up for John. John and his mood wrecking abilities. It’s happened twice now.” You say. Bro raises an eyebrow curiously, sitting down by the sewing machine. He leans down and plugs it in, flicking the light on.

“On the date, we went to the movies. Guess who was in the eighth row.” You say.

“John and miss eight?”

“Mhmm. Can you guess what they were up to?”

“Hetero stuff?”

“Well, I mean, it could happen regardless. Spiderfangs was getting on down town with John.” You lean against the wall, careful of the pins in your shirt. Bro chuckles.

“Wait ‘til Daddy Egbert hears about that one.” You make a face at his word choice but don’t comment on it.

“There were kids in the theater. It was horrifying. Karkat and I booked it and that was just the first time. The second was right after the fight I had with Karkat… I was going to tell him.”

“What’re the chances though? John just gives ya bad luck.” Bro nods, threading the machine.

“Yeah. That’s why, I swear to god, if he interrupts my plan this time I will… I don’t know. Do something.”

“Oh no. Not somethin’.”

“Fight him. I dunno.”

“I have an idea.” He hums.

“What’s your idea? I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

“Jus’ make sure y’two are alone fer it, I guess. Take ‘im somewhere special or at least outside the event fer it.” He suggests.

“I was, I uh,” You laugh softly. “Was hoping you would help me?”

“Oh?”

“Um, you see, I figure Karkat’s not going to want to stay for very long. Large crowds spook him a bit. Not that I blame him. I thought maybe, we could just go to the roof and have our own prom up there, just the two of us. And…I would actually tell him this time.” You tell Bro your plan.

“Sounds good t’me.”

“I can’t be in two places at once though so, um, I thought maybe you could help set up the roof for me?” You ask him. He hums and rubs his chin in consideration. You fidget in place, trying not to pull the pins out again.

“We’ll initiate operation cupid once we finish up with operation garb.” He says, flipping the tux inside out and sliding it under the foot of the machine. You walk over and lean against his arm as he presses down on the pedal, carefully guiding the fabric through.

“Thank you.” You say after a moment. He smiles softly.

“Anytime kiddo.”

“Now I just need to learn how to fucking slow dance.” You sigh.

“Don’ worry, I gotcha covered.” Bro hums happily, turning the jacket and continuing the stitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	27. Safety Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Long Chapter  
> \- Hints of Homophobia  
> \- Rosemary  
> \- Pale DaveJade  
> \- JohnVriska  
> \- John Redemption  
> \- Dancing  
> \- Mom Lalonde, Bro Strider, Kankri  
> \- Sexual Comments  
> \- Sexual Hints  
> \- Fluff  
> \- PDA  
> \- Religious Jokes/Bashing  
> \- The ship you all came here for in the first place: DaveKat

             You are nervously pacing back and forth while Bro puts on the last minute stitches on the tuxedo jacket. He had noticed something about it didn’t look right when he had put it on you earlier and you can hear the machine whirr as he corrects it. Honestly, you had thought it looked fine. You trust his judgment though.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

TG: sorry its taking so long

CG: IT’S FINE.

TG: also

TG: why dont we use this more often?

TG: i mean its quicker than texting

CG: TEXTING JUST FEELS A BIT MORE PERSONAL TO ME.

TG: aight

TG: i can respect that

CG: THAT CORSAGE BETTER MATCH MY PRETTY LITTLE DRESS, OR YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME DAVE.

TG: excuse you

TG: im in the dress.

CG: DAVE WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. ONLY ONE OF US CAN GO IN THE DRESS. ONE OF US IS GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE.

 

            You quickly snap a picture of the dress you are actually in. You had seen it on Bro’s bed and put it on for the hell of it. It’s too wide in the chest and almost too narrow in the hips for you but it’s a nice color on you, you figure.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] sent carcinoGeneticist [CG] the file “IMG_1012.JPG” --

TG: im sorry

TG: im already in it

CG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

CG: DAVE.

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

CG: ROSE IS GOING TO KILL YOU.

CG: THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE PLAYING AROUND WITH YOUR CLOTHING EXPRESSION.

CG: I’D SEND YOU A PICTURE OF MINE, BUT I THINK I’LL MAKE YOU WORK FOR IT.

 

            You snicker under your breath. It’s good to know that he didn’t take you seriously on it. You don’t think you could even dance in this thing anyway.

 

CG: KANKRI SAYS YOU REALLY SHOULD COME OVER.

CG: HE WANTS PICTURES AND REFUSES TO LET ME GO UNTIL HE GETS THEM.

TG: fiiinnneee

TG: ill put on a suit

CG: JUST DON’T BE LATE.

TG: i wont

CG: <3 >;P

TG: :*

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

 

            You close the app and toss your phone onto the bed for now. Bro walks in and gives you a look, camera in one hand and completed tuxedo in the other.

“Nuh uh son. I made ya a pretty lil’ suit. Ya can wear that fer the next dance, or t’bed. I dun care which.” He says.

“I know. Now help me out of it.” You say. He takes a picture of you in it anyway, setting the suit down on the bed.

“Fucker.” You make a face at him. Bro just chuckles and tugs the zipper in the back down. You shimmy it off your hips and the rest flops to the ground. You step out of it carefully and he picks it up.

“It’s nice. Where’d we get it?” You ask him.

“I got it atta Goodwill fer a show once.” He says, folding it nicely and slipping it back onto the hanger it had been on.

“A show? What kind of show?” You ask, trying to imagine what that must have looked like on him.

“Dun ask too many questions. Go get ready and go get yer date so I can take all the damn pictures I want. I didn’ delete two-hundred fifty sumpthin’ pics of the puppet pals for nothin’.”

“Disgusting.” You say, reaching for the pants of your suit.

“I said the same thing when the folks brought ya home.” Bro says, snapping a picture of you getting into your pants. You flip him off and grab at your shirt next. His phone goes off in the other room and he leaves to go answer it. You button up your shirt and tuck it carefully into your pants, doing those up once done. You slide your arms through the jacket sleeves and pick up the tie.

“Got a call from Mama. She says they’re on their way t’get Miss Maryam. Are ya goin’ t’pick up Kitkat?” Bro asks, coming back in.

“Yeah.” You struggle with the strip of fabric. Bro walks over to you and undoes the mess you’ve made of the tie. He casually flips and tucks the ends how they go and ties it properly for you.

“Look atcha, already a man, goin’ out to yer prom. Both stealin’ an’ breakin’ hearts. An’ ya can’t tie yer own tie.” He chuckles softly, a sad smile on his face. You puff your cheeks out.

“It’s horrible I know.”

“Yeah…” He fixes your collar. “It feels like it was jus’ yesterday…when I was walkin’ ya over t’yet first grade class. Next thing I know, yer walkin’ yer own ass back from high school.” He smoothens out the shoulders of your jacket.

“…Yeah huh? Imma blink and you’re gonna be old as balls next.” You say.

“Watch it kid, I still gotta lot of kick left in these ‘old’ bones.” He pinches your cheek. You snicker and his hands rests gently back down on your shoulders. You look up at him.

“I’m real proud of ya.” Bro says with a small smile. He looks like he’s on the edge of crying.

“Are you going to cry? Fuck, you’ll make me cry, then I’ll mess up my flawless makeup.” You tease lightly.

“I ain’t cryin’. Yet. Wait ‘til it’s yer weddin’ day. _Then_ I’ll sob like a healthy newborn, fresh outta the womb.” He chuckles and pinches your nose.

“Leggo.” You swat at his hand.

“Get on outta here before Kitkat goes t’prom with someone else. I’ll wait fer ya at the lobby. Mama wanted me to take a few pictures of all y’all kids.” He lets go of you and picks up his camera again.

“A’ight.” You say, heading into the kitchen and grabbing the corsage out of the fridge.

“I really hope that matches Rose’s dress. Mama said it’d be a dark pink, but knowin’ them girls that could be anythin’ between maroon an’ fuchsia.” He comments.

“Sent pics to Rose while getting it so, it’s good according to her.” You say. The two of you leave the apartment and go in two different directions. Bro heads for the stairs, you head for the elevator.

            You make you’re way to Karkat’s place. You chew on your lip, trying to quell the nerves that are now suddenly spiking up in you. You have to take several deep breaths to calm your racing heart back down and fight the anxiousness off. The doors ping open and it takes you a moment to rally up the courage to step outside and into the hall. It takes you a longer moment to knock on Karkat’s door once you’re standing in front of it.

“Good evening, Dave.” Kankri says, opening the door for you.

“Evenin’ sir. Is Karkat ready?” You stand politely just inside the apartment.

“He’s uh,” Kankri looks over to where you see Karkat sitting, fixing his hair. “I believe he’s ready.” Kankri says, clearing his throat loud enough to get his attention. Karkat looks over at the two of you, blushing slightly and shoving his phone into his pocket.

“Hey.” You greet him, stepping further into the apartment. Karkat hops off the stool he had been perched on and fixes his coat.

“Hey.” He says back. Karkat steps closer to you, his eyes looking you over. You don’t blame him, you’re doing the same thing truthfully. He looks really good in his tux.

“Ready?” You ask him, offering your hand. You think you hear a soft click somewhere behind you. Karkat looks down at your hand.

“Oh, wait!” He says, going back into the kitchen and grabbing something. He comes back, red in the face and offers it to you.

“I got you a, um… here.” It’s a boutonniere, a small red carnation. You can feel your face heat up.

“O-Oh um… How do I…?” You start to ask. You don’t know how to put it on. He chuckles nervously and steps closer to you again.

“Here.” You watch him fix it to your jacket. You hold still to not mess him up. Once it’s in place he casually smoothes your jacket back down.

“I know it doesn’t match your tie, or Rose’s dress.” He says, hands resting against your chest.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s just my way of saying ‘He’s mine’.” Karkat glances up at you.

“It matches my eyes.” You tell him. He gives you a small smile, and you return it. You almost lean in a bit, maybe to kiss him and just tell him now but you catch the click and flash of yet another picture, and look over to the source. Kankri is standing there, camera in hand and a small pout on his face.

“You two look adorable.” He says. You are thankful you didn’t kiss Karkat just yet. Besides, you should save it for when you activate plan 2.3. Karkat is red in the face and is giving Kankri a look.

“One last picture before I let you go?” He begs. Karkat sighs.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Bro and Mom Lalonde are downstairs taking pictures too, just so you know.” You tell Kankri.

“Let’s go then! Let’s not keep them waiting! Ah, I bet the lobby’s lighting will be better too!” He says, practically shoving you and Karkat out the door. Karkat quickly manages to snatch his corsage up before Kankri gets you two all the way out. He leads you two to the elevator.

“Did you grab your wallet?” He asks Karkat.

“Yes.”  
  
“Phone?”

“Yes.” Karkat says, hooking his pinky finger with yours. You smile to yourself.

“Did you brush your teeth?”

“Yes, mom.” Karkat sighs, rolling his eyes.

“Deodorant?”

“Yes.” Karkat gives him an irritated glare. The three of you get in the elevator when the doors open for you.

“Clean underwear?”

“Kankri!” Karkat screeches. Kankri laughs softly and takes a picture of him. He whines softly.

“Condoms?” You ask. Karkat turns to you, red as can be.

“Oh yes, I got them for my date the other –” Kankri starts. Karkat whips his head in that direction. Kankri covers his face, just as red as Karkat’s and lets out a loud embarrassed sound.

“I’m _so_ sorry.” He says. Karkat covers up his face as well.

“Holy shit.” You laugh loudly. Karkat laughs nervously next to you and Kankri wheezes.

“Please, excuse me, I did not mean to put any of you in an uncomfortable position.” He says. Karkat hides his face in your arm, shoulders shaking softly from his giggles.

“Let’s all just stop.” He says.

“Jesus Christ.” You snicker. Kankri nods in agreement and Karkat nudges your side. You look down at him and he casually laces his fingers with yours. You squeeze his hand gently.

            It’s easy to find the girls and Bro once you step out of the elevator. Bro gives Kankri a polite wave. Rose’s mom is taking all the pictures she can and Bro gives you a little nod. You nod back and let go of Karkat’s hand so he can give Kanaya her corsage. You head over to Rose and do the same. You stand with her and pose for Mom while she takes pictures.

“So, how is plan 2.3 going?” Rose asks, smiling for her mother.

“Going well, Bro helped me get the roof ready.”

“Is that so?” She hums, turning slightly for the next pose. She glances over where Karkat and Kanaya are standing.

“He keeps looking over at you. I think he really likes the tux.” Rose says.

“It was Bro’s, he fixed it up for me. Also, I came out to him.” You tell her. She looks up at you, genuinely surprised. Mom’s camera clicks again.

“Ohh! That was a good one baby! David, make her do that again!” She yells at the two of you. You give her a strained smile; you know she only calls you that to get on your nerves. After a couple more shots, she has Rose go stand next to Kanaya and gets pictures of them. You walk over to Karkat and push your hands into your pockets. Kankri glances at his watch.

“It’s almost seven.” He says. Mom waves him off, taking some more pictures of her girls.

“That’s fine baby, I got the limo rented until ten.”

“Damn. Go big or go home.” Bro hums. Kankri looks at them with a slightly shocked look.

“Right?” Mom says. Kankri walks over to you and Karkat, Bro right behind him.

“I’d like him back no later than one, please.” Kankri tells you.

“Unless the night goes great.” Bro says with a playful smirk. Kankri shoots him a glare over his shoulder. Bro clears his throat.

“I mean, obviously someone already is.” You mumble under your breath, giving Kankri a look.

“Y’heard ‘im Dave, no later than 12:59.” Bro says in a more serious tone.

“Yessir.” You nod. Kankri smiles at the three of you and steps closer to Karkat. He says something softly you don’t quite catch, tapping Karkat gently several times. When he releases Karkat, the two of you go catch up with the ladies. They had already started to head outside. Karkat grabs your hand and you lace your fingers together.

“So, your mother got a limo?” Karkat asks Rose. She whines.

“She insisted.”

“I’m not too surprised. Not after she got you that pony for your sweet sixteen.” Kanaya says.

“That was fucking bad ass.” You recall the party and the revealing of said pony.

“You say that because you weren’t the one picking up after him.” Rose sighs.

“Do you still have him?” You ask her.

“Of course I do… He’s too cute to get rid of.” Rose grumbles softly. Kanaya smiles and pecks her cheek.

“Awesome.” You say. You should go visit the fella. Karkat stops suddenly, and you look over at the ‘limo’ Mom got you.

“Yooo.” You whisper.

“Wow, you weren’t joking.” Karkat says.

“Not even if I wanted to.” Rose rubs her temples. Kanaya steps in front of your group and opens the door of this pink hummer limo for her lady. Mom Lalonde slips in while the door is open and the rest of you climb on in. You take a seat next to Karkat, in front of Rose. He buckles himself in and looks around the limo. Kanaya sits next to Rose and takes her hand, squeezing it gently once she’s buckled in as well.

“So, what do you boys think?” Mom asks.

“It’s nice. Fancy.” You say, checking out the neon lights. Mom smiles and hums, pleased at the response. You rest your hand on Karkat’s and he gives you a small smile.

“Hey.” You say.

“What?” He asks, looking at you.

“Just saying hey.” You shrug. He rolls his eyes and sits back.

“Hi.” You nudge his shoulder, and he leans against your side. You casually press a kiss into his hair.

            While you’ve taken Rose to school dances before, you are still filled with a nervous excitement. You rest your head against Karkat’s, observing the three ladies in front of you. Mom has a drink in hand, as usual, and is looking back and forth between the window and her girls. Rose and Kanaya are talking, giving each other those goo-goo eyes and air kisses to prevent a lipstick catastrophe.

“Ready?” You ask Karkat as you pull into the venue the school has rented out. He nods and sits up. You blow him a kiss and a wink. He laughs and shoves you off of him.

“Maybe after.” He tells you, moving to help Kanaya get out of the limo.

“I’ll hold you to it.” You call out after him.

“I’m sure you want to hold him to other things.” Rose says, mocking several kisses and then winking.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. So funny Rose.” You say, helping her out of the limo as well. She laughs and takes your arm. You guide her to the door, handing the tickets over when prompted.

            Karkat and Kanaya are already inside once you get in, picking out a table to leave bags behind on. Rose sets her purse down next to Kanaya’s and she goes over to greet friends of yours. You follow her, you are her ‘date’ after all. You look over to where you see Kanaya and Karkat. _Hope he’s having fun._

“Weren’t you coming with Karkat, Dave?” Jade asks, bringing you back into the conversation.

“Karkat is here. I did in fact ride in here with him, yes.” You say, shifting your weight back and forth.

“And he will be riding him out of here.” Rose jokes. Jade giggles and you can feel your face start turning red again.

“Rose.” You give her a look.

“Oh look, it’s John and Vriska. I’m going to say hi to them, can you get Kanaya for me Dave? Thank you.” Rose says, making her way over to the blue dorks. You roll your eyes and tell Jade you’ll be right back, making your way through the crowd to where you last saw Kanaya.

            It takes you a bit, slipping in between clusters of people who have now gathered on the dance floor and those standing on the sidelines talking amongst themselves. You mumbles soft excuses when you have to cut in front of others walking a bit faster to keep your interruption limited. You sigh with relief once you manage to locate Kanaya, stepping closer to her and tapping her shoulder lightly. She turns around and gives you a polite smile.

“Rose wants you.” You tell her, successfully passing the message along.

“Alright.” She says, turning back to her friends and giving parting statements. She takes Karkat, who was standing somewhat uncomfortably by her side, by the arm and lets you lead them back over to where Jade had been standing. Jade waves and bounces on her heels when she sees you over the heads of the people in the crowd.

“Over here!” She calls out, helping you pinpoint a location. Rose is standing back over with her, John and Vriska talking to one another to Jade’s left. Rose hooks her arm in Kanaya’s free one.

“Would you boys mind being our first dance partners? At least until we feel safe?” She asks you and Karkat. Kanaya pouts slightly, mostly to guilt trip you two. You place your hands into your pockets and shrug.

“Rose you know how shitty of a dancer I am. If you’re willing to deal with that then I guess so.”

“I thought you said you’d practice?” Karkat looks over at you.

“Still ain’t the best.”

“Well, if anything, it’ll distract the homophobes.” Rose says, letting go of Kanaya to link arms with you.

“Just don’t step on her new heels.” Kanaya laughs softly. You nod and lead Rose out onto the main dance floor, Kanaya and Karkat somewhere behind you.

            You place your hands where they belong on her, and rock to the beat. You have improved since you last danced with her, but you don’t want to reveal quite how much you have improved. Bro really did know his shit and was rather good at teaching you once he stopping being a bit of a dick about it. Not that you would have it any other way.

“I hope you have a plan 2.4.” Rose hums, leaning in a bit to keep the conversation between you two.

“Why?” You ask.

“Because I doubt you’ll be wooing anyone all that much tonight.” She comments, gesturing with a tilt of her head.

“What makes you say that?” You prod. She gives you look. _She thinks you didn’t practice, huh?_ You don’t mind. You see a hand come up and tap against her shoulder. Karkat looks a little freaked out as he passes Kanaya to her. You don’t mind, letting Kanaya steal Rose away from you.

“I think he’s had enough for now.” Kanaya says. You watch Karkat try to dig his way out of the crowd. Normally, you’d follow after him, but you feel he needs some space right now. You casually slip out through the crowd in the opposite direction.

            You find Jade still standing where you had left her, John and Vriska having taken off somewhere. She looks a little out of place against the wall like this. You lean against the wall next to her.

“Why Jade, I’ve never known you to be a wallflower.” You say. She looks over at you.

“Yeah huh?” She giggles softly.

“Any reason you’re just chilling over here instead of making the floor your bitch?” You ask. She shrugs and looks out at the people milling about.

“Shouldn’t you be dancing with Karkat about now?”

“Nah, he needs his space right now. Crowds really get to him,” You say, trying to find him again. “Besides, he doesn’t need me following him everywhere.”

“I suppose so.” Jade plays with the ends of her hair, twisting it around her fingers.

“You sure you’re okay?” You ask, turning to face her better.

“Mhmm.” She nods. _Liar._ You watch as she dips her head down, staring at the ground and shoes of those who pass by.

“Hey.” You say, resting a hand on her shoulder. She glances back up at you, chewing her lip and continuing to twist her hair around her fingers. It makes your chest ache a bit to see her like this. She glances back to the dance floor and back to you.

“You wanna dance?” You ask.

“Oh! N-no I’m a terrible dancer.” She says, looking back at the floor by your shoes.

“So am I.” You say.

“Won’t I be too tall?” She looks back up at you.

“Does that matter?”

“Doesn’t it?”

“I don’t think so.” You shrug.

“I-I don’t know…”

“C’mon Miss Harley, I have seen you get down with your funky self before. There’s just more people. Trust me, they’re more worried about their own shitty dancing skills than yours.” You give her a soft smile. You hear her chuckle softly.

“That was in John’s and Rose’s kitchens though.”

“And?”

“This is no kitchen, Dave.”

“It’s one giant fucking kitchen, and you are gonna dance and have fun.” You tell her. Jade looks back out at the crowd once more before finally letting go of her hair.

“A-Alright.” She nods. You step closer and brush her hair off her face and shoulders, pushing it back to where it had been earlier.

“Then let’s go.” You offer her your hand and she looks down at it nervously.

“You sure I’m not _too_ tall?” She asks.

“I’m sure.” You nod. She slowly reaches out for your hand, and you give her a smile. You lead her off the wall and out to the dance floor. In her heels she is taller than you, but it doesn’t phase you all that much. She’s always been a couple of inches taller than you.

            You place a hand on her waist, the other holding her hand as you do your best to lead her among the crowd to the music. Jade eventually relaxes, smiling and happily following along. Once you see her smile you exaggerate your hold on her, getting onto your tiptoes to be level with her and acting like it’s a big stretch to reach her hand. She laughs softly and switches where her hands are, now leading you about the floor. You don’t mind and follow her movements, though quite off beat.

            You do bump into a couple of people with how wildly she starts swinging the two of you around, and you can’t help but laugh each time. She takes wide steps and stumbles, short strides and spins, swaying not only side to side but up and down too. The two of you laugh loudly at how ridiculous it gets. The two of you have to get off of the floor with how you are doubling over and laughing. Jade has to wipe at tears in the corners of her eyes.

“Feeling better?” You ask once you catch your breath.

“Much.” She nods, fanning herself.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Nah, it was silly anyway.” She gives you a warm smile.

“Later maybe?”

“Maybe.” She sticks her tongue out at you. Rose appears next to you with Kanaya.

“Ladies.” You tip your head their way. Rose curtsies for you and reaches out for Jade’s arm. Kanaya joins you by your side as Rose whisks Jade away, leading her back to the floor. You gesture to the two to Kanaya.

“She wants to dance with her friends.” She says.

“What about you? You still want to dance?” You ask.

“Are you inviting me to the floor Mister Strider?”

“Perhaps.”

“Then perhaps I will join you.” She says.

“Um…What am I allowed to uh touch? If I can ask?” You ask before giving her your hand. She chuckles softly.

“Traditionally speaking, no where. But, my hands and shoulders will be fine personally speaking.” She tells you.

“Alright. Let me know if I start getting too close or something.” You say, offering up your hand once more.

“I will.” She says, taking your hand and following you back into the crowd. Everyone seems to give her a bit of space, which you are thankful for. It makes it easier to fight through the people in the way.

            Once you have gotten to a space where you can actually move around in, you stop to rest a hand on her shoulder and take her hand better. Kanaya smiles and rests her free hand on your shoulder as well, and follows your lead. The two of you dance in a calmer pace than you were with Jade. Speaking of, you can see her and Rose dancing not to far from you two. You laugh softly to yourself as you watch them go.

            Rose and Jade dance their way over to the two of you. You can hear them laughing loudly as you spin Kanaya around. Jade taps on your shoulder, and offers you Rose’s hand. Kanaya looks at you and shakes her head slightly. Before you can deny Jade, Rose takes your hand and dances you away.

“Jade’s not going to kill her.” Rose says.

“Are you sure?” You ask, letting Rose lead you around.

“She’ll forgive me.” Rose clarifies. You look over your shoulder and see Kanaya getting jostled around by Jade’s energetic offbeat bouncing. Her hand comes up to hold onto her hijab to keep it from slipping off. You look back to Rose and gesture to the scene with your head.

“Are you sure?” You ask. Rose looks over.

“Pretty certain.” She says. You take the lead and dance across the floor in the space you can get. Off to your side you can see John and Vriska dancing around as well. John’s pretty good at it and Vriska glides across the floor with him.

“Show offs.” You mumble under your breath.

“Quite.” Rose agrees.

“If I knew they weren’t going to be absolute dorks when it comes to fucking chicken dances and cha cha slides, I’d be a bit jealous.” You say. Rose chuckles.

“Mind escorting me off the floor?” She asks. You nod and make sure to walk by Jade. She sees you leaving and drags Kanaya with her, following behind you and Rose.

            Kanaya leans heavily against the wall once you’ve broken free of the crowd. Rose stands beside her, making sure her girlfriend is alright. You look over at Jade who’s smiling brightly and catching her breath. She catches your eye and laughs softly.

“Having fun?” You ask.

“Lots!” She nods. You smile.

“Good.” You say. John and his girl are slowly dancing their way towards you guys. Once the two of them get close enough they just shuffle back and forth to the music.

“So what did you guys do to make Grumpy sit all by himself? Damn Dave, I didn’t know you were such a boring date.” John laughs.

“Oh shut up. He’s not comfortable in big crowds.” You tell him.

“I don’t think he dances?” Vriska says.

“Oh no, he does. He enjoys it quite a bit. Just not in such large crowds.” Kanaya says, straightening up and adjusting her hijab.

“See?” You gesture to Kanaya.

“Not like anyone’s going to stare at him.” John hums. You give him a curious look as he waves you closer. You shrug and take the steps needed to be within arms reach of the couple.

“What are you doing?” You ask. He passes Vriska to you.

“You can dance if you want to, you can leave your Karkat behind.” John starts singing, dancing by himself and backing into the crowd. Vriska snorts softly and you groan.

“Can we go one day without you singing?” You ask.

“’Cause your Karkat don’t dance and if he don’t dance, he’s no friend of ours.” He says over you, moonwalking away and disappearing into the mass of people.

“Oh my god.” You sigh. Vriska rolls her eyes and tugs you closer. She casually leads you into a more cuddly kind of dance before you catch up and lead her properly. You move so the two of you are actually on the floor and not in the resting area. Vriska laughs and you look around trying to get a visual on John.

“What is he doing?” You ask.

“Dancing.” She tells you.

“Well yeah but…” You trail off, spinning Vriska around. She twirls like a professional and joins right back up with you. You notice Rose and Kanaya dancing next to you two and wonder where Jade is right now. You can hear John’s voice cutting through the music and chatter. You turn to look in that direction.

“Say, we can act if we want to, if we don’t nobody will. And you can act real _rude_ and totally removed, and I can act like an _imbecile_.” John sings, dancing across the floor towards you with Karkat in his arms.

“Hey John.” Vriska smiles and winks at him. John stage gasps.

“Wow Dave, what a lovely dance partner you have! Mine’s too short for me.” He pouts.

“Oh please.” Karkat rolls his eyes, still swaying back and forth with him.

“Want to trade?” John asks you.

“You know what John, you’re right. I think Karkat is more of Dave’s type.” Rose chuckles somewhere to your left.

“I couldn’t agree more.” Kanaya chimes in. Karkat’s face starts to turn red.

“Please.” You say, passing Vriska back to her man. John happily takes her back into his arms, dipping her slightly and pecking her lips. You look at Karkat, now finally dancing with you.

“Hey.” You smile at him.

“Hi.” He says, hiding his face your chest. You let yourself dance more in the way you had learned with Bro. You aren’t going all out just yet, but you are definitely better than you were earlier. Karkat lets you lead him around the floor together.

“You did practice,” He comments. “And here I was worried you’d make a complete fool out of yourself.”

“Of course I did. Did a lot of practice but, it’s hard to show it in here.” You say.

“What a shame.” Karkat says, lifting his head away from your chest and looking around a bit. You nod in agreement and lead him in a slow circle. The song changes from its faster beat to a slow gentle one. It’s good for your purposes, and something you can dance a bit better to like this. You can see Rose and Kanaya happily slow dancing in one side of the room, John and Vriska in the other. You finally catch sight of Jade dancing with another student, they’re not someone you recognize but they certainly are having fun together.

“They all look so happy.” Karkat mumbles.

“Yeah. So do you.” You say, looking down at him.

“Do I?” He asks.

“Well, I think so.” You lead into another circle again. He rests his head back against your chest.

“It must be you. I always seem to be happy when I’m with you.”

“But are you _actually_ happy when you’re with me?” You ask. He takes his hand that had been at your waist and uses it to cover his smiling face. He nods and you smile softly.

“Good.”

“You have obviously cursed me,” Karkat says, peeking up at you through his fingers. “You’ve cursed me with sore cheeks and deep dimples. ‘Cause since I started hanging out with you, I’m smiling like a fool more. And because of _that_ I have these things growing. You fiend.” He gestures to the dimples on his cheeks.

“How horrible. How devastating. Too bad they look cute.” You say. He blushes.

“Oh no, even worse. Now you’ve got me turning red. When will the torture end, Dave? When?” He asks. You turn him around and hold back onto him once he’s facing you again.

“When you ask for me to.” You answer.

“Then I guess it’ll be a long time from now.” He smiles softly.

“I hope so.” You say, holding him close to you. Karkat hides his face in your jacket once more.

“We’re being too gay, we’re going to get in trouble.” He mumbles. You hum softly.

“Yeah huh? How dare two bros dance together.”

“Yeah. Two bros. Maybe if we we’re dancing more like that,” He gestures to John and Vriska who are now doing something dorky together. “I know I give him a lot of crap but holy shit, he gives no fucks about what others think.”

“I’m just glad he’s not singing again.” You laugh softly. Karkat loops both of his arms around you when the song slows once more. You bring yours around his shoulders and follow the tempo of the song. You bump your forehead against his and slowly turn around.

“Psst. Hey Dave, they want you guys to have room for Jesus.” John says, having now moved next to you. You look over at him and at the space between you and Karkat.

“A cross could fit between us.” You say.

“Ayyy.” Vriska chuckles.

“Dave!” John says. Karkat takes a step back from you anyway.

“I mean, does Jesus even want in on this?” You ask.

“Bet he didn’t want in where he died, but he still did.” Vriska says.

“Vriska!” He looks over at her. She tries to hold her laugh in.

“I did not agree to any form of a three-way with heavenly bodies and their children.” You say.

“I’m just telling you because Rose and Kanaya were already asked to make room or sit down.” John says. You look over at the table where you do, in fact, see the two girls.

“He’s right. Ugh. I don’t think you’ll ever know how lucky you two are.” Karkat says to Vriska and John.

“Trust me, I know.” Vriska shrugs.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable Karkat, I just know how Dave gets when he’s really in trouble.” John gives you a look.

“It’s fine.” Karkat says, stopping and standing beside you. You frown slightly and let him go. Vriska stands besides John, he holds her hand.

“We can all go sit down together.” John suggests with a smile.

“Yeah! We can get back in here once all the slow shit is done. I have some snacks in my purse.” Vriska gestures to the table where her purse is.

“Sure.” Karkat says softly. You nod and John leads you back to the table.

            When you get there, Jade is sitting next to her dance partner and Kanaya. Rose had gotten up and walked outside with her phone to her ear. You plop down next to Jade’s date and Karkat sits next to you. Vriska steals two extra chairs from an unoccupied table and sets them down at yours. You hold Karkat’s hand under the table and you can see it’s lightened his mood again.

            Vriska sits in one of the chairs she stole, digging in her purse and placing snacks on the table. Jade reaches out and grabs mostly everything that had chocolate on it. John takes everything that happens to be nut free. Rose comes back to your table, taking her seat next to Kanaya.

“I hope you boys don’t mind, but I asked to be allowed to spend more time here tonight. Mother called to see if we wanted to be picked up now since the limo has to go back at ten.” She informs you, snagging a bag of chips for herself.

“It’s already ten?” Karkat asks.

“Almost ten,” Kanaya says, looking at her phone. “It’s nine thirty-five.”

“Well shit, it’s been awhile.” You say.

“Are you guys staying all night? John, Vriska, and I were going to go to Denny’s at midnight.” Jade asks. Her date looks a bit flustered about that. You think you recognize him now; _he’s on the wrestling team with her isn’t he?_

“Yeah!” John smiles. You look over at Karkat and he makes a face, it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t want to be here too much longer.

“Oh, but Karkat has to be home by midnight.” Kanaya lies, trying to help Karkat out. You nod along with her.

“Yeah, sorry. Can’t stay that long.”

“Yeah, I’m still a fucking child in Kankri’s eyes.” Karkat agrees.

“Oh that’s right, you’re still a baby.” Vriska squishes her cheeks together and makes faces at you two.

“How old are you Karkat?” John asks.

“He’s still seventeen John, leave him alone.” Jade reaches across the table to smack his arm.

“Yeah John. Besides, there’s a lot of people here. It’s getting tiring to be with a huge crowd like this.” You say. John looks out at the crowd of dancing bodies.

“I kind of like it.” He says.

“Well not all of us absorb other’s energies to make blood sacrifices to the dark lord like you and Vriska do.” Karkat grumbles. John looks over at Vriska.

“Damn it Vriska, I told you not to tell anyone.” He jokes.

“Oops.” She chuckles, carefully biting into an orange. You snicker.

“Well, we’ll be staying here until my mother gets out of work. She insisted on picking us up.” Kanaya says. Rose nods with her.

“I was simply told not to get home drunk and be in one piece.” Jade says.

“I think I’ll head home soon.” Karkat mumbles softly.

“We’re probably going to take off here in a bit.” You say for him.

“Aww.” Jade pouts.

“That’s alright, growing boys need their rest.” John says, papping Karkat’s head. He glares at John when he laughs. John just takes Vriska’s hand and stands up.

“I think I’ll go absorb some energies now.” He jokes. Vriska rolls her eyes but stands up and follows him. Jade, her date, Rose, and Kanaya also get up and follow him.

“Shall we ditch ‘em?” You ask Karkat.

“I think it’s us who got ditched,” He sighs and looks over at you. “Sorry, I’m not a very fun date sometimes.”

“It’s fine. Let’s just get out of here?” You gesture towards the door. Karkat looks out towards the crowd and laces his fingers with yours.

“Do _you_ want to?” He asks.

“Yeah. We can just head home. Maybe grab some _food_ on the way.” You say. You really just want to get back home so you can move along with plan 2.3 and have actual time for it. At the same time, you know Karkat is done with the amount of people and the loud music.

“You know me so well.” He smiles and snorts.

“Let’s go?” You smile. He looks back at your friends and then nods. You get up and lead him out of the building, swinging your hands together. Karkat walks by your side and glances back at the venue behind him.

“The decorations were cute.” He says.

“Yeah. It was a good place.” You nod. The two of you walk out onto the sidewalk across from the building. Karkat digs around in his pockets.

“Think we could get a cab on this side of town?” He asks.

“Probably.” You say, looking among the streets to see if you can find one.

“Want them to drop us off at the apartments or the burger joint in front? We always end up at one or the other anyway. I think I’ve gained like ten pounds since I started hanging out with you.”

“We could say the apartment and walk over then?” You snicker.

“True.” He hums, counting the cash he found in his wallet. You try to hail down a cab as it passes by. Karkat watches you, amused.

“Now imagine doing that, while it’s raining, and your friend has to be sat down next to a tree because he’s drunk off his ass.”

“Yeah… Sorry about that.” You apologize. He gives you a sad smile.

“It’s alright.” You hail a cab once more and this one actually pulls over to the two of you. You beat Karkat to the cab, holding the door open for him before crawling in yourself. He tells the driver the address and you buckle your seatbelt. Karkat leans back and rests his head against your arm.

“I could ask Kankri for more time and we could meet up with them at Denny’s.” He says.

“Nah, this is fine.” You tell him. He hums and plays with the sleeve of your jacket. You lightly bump him with your shoulder.

“Besides, he’s probably getting laid right now.” You joke.

“Shut up!” He punches your arm.

“Well it’s true.” You snicker. He whines.

“I don’t want to think about it. We don’t talk about your brother doing the nasty with others.”

“True.” You get comfortable in your seat as the world passes by your window. You rest your head against his and look out it.

“Sorry I’m a lousy date sometimes.” He mumbles.

“What makes you say that?” You ask, looking at him. He shrugs a shoulder and doesn’t comment further on it. You blow your hair out of your face.

“Spending some time with just you is more than fine with me.” You say. You can see the tips of his ears slowly get red. You reach down and hold his hand in yours, giving it a small squeeze.

            It’s not long afterwards that you arrive at your destination. Karkat hands the cab driver the money and you slide out the car first. You hold the door open for him, the two of you thanking the man before he takes off. You give Karkat a smile and walk across the street to the burger place. He follows right behind you as you grab the door for him again.

“I think we’re a bit overdressed for this place.” He chuckles.

“Ah they won’t care.” You say. He walks in and stops to examine the menu.

“Same as always?” He asks you as you stand next to him.

“Yeah.” You hum. He nods and approaches the counter when the next cashier is available. You wait over by the napkins and ketchup dispenser.

“I ordered it to go. Hope you don’t mind.” He says, looking over his receipt for his order number.

“That’s fine.” You tell him. You rock back and forth, heel to toe, while you wait for the food to be ready. They call your order after a short wait and Karkat walks up. He passes you the drinks and takes the bags.

“Ready?” You ask. He nods. You push the door open with your back and let him out. You lead the way back to the apartment, pushing through lobby doors and calling up the elevator.

“So, my place or yours?” Karkat asks you.

“Um, well… Neither of our guardians are expecting us back just yet.” You say. Bro probably doesn’t even expect you to be home by one in all honesty. He just said it to look semi-responsible. He knows of your plan, and while the two of you had sat it up, he had wished you good luck.

“I don’t think Kankri mentioned going out, but I don’t think I want to tempt fate by walking in my apartment before the time I was given.” Karkat makes a face and shudders.

“Roof?” You suggest. He hums, mulling the idea over in his head. You need him up on the roof for your plan to work after all.

“Sure. Better than the hallway at least.” He decides. You sigh a soft breath of relief.

“Alright.” You walk into the elevator as the doors open and press the top button. He walks in after you and leans against the wall, setting the bags on the floor.

            The two of you watch as each floor light turns on and off accordingly. It’s going to be awhile before you actually make it to the top floor. You move to sit down on the ground for now and set the drinks next to your bags of food.

“Have fun at prom?” You ask Karkat as he sits with you.

“Yeah. It was pretty crowded, but I should have expected that. I think I was a lot more comfortable with you guys than I originally thought I was going to be.”

“That’s good. I was expecting to get more shit for us dancing.” You say.

“I think we didn’t only because there were other people dancing too close. And because we had a good group of friends around us too.” He leans his head back against the wall.

“True. I wonder what you’re friends are going to say.” You look over at him. _The two of you did have a dramatic break up for their sake._ Karkat shrugs though.

“I don’t care. Some of them said a lot of shit when I first started hanging out with you. I didn’t care then, I don’t care now.” He says. You look up at the number indicator; you’re still a couple of floors away. Karkat turns his head over to face you.

“Last time I actually sat down in this elevator, I was stuck in hell with this asshole,” He starts, giving you a slight smile. “He was such a fucking rude prick. I think he was on something too.”

“Yeah? And now?” You ask.

“Now I can’t go a day without having him around me.”

“Is that good or bad?” You look over at him.

“I don’t know sometimes.” He says, getting up and grabbing the bags.

“H-hopefully it’s more good than bad.” You laugh nervously. He rolls his eyes. The elevator stops its ascent and the doors slide open.

“Don’t be so nervous, of course it’s good. Really good sometimes.” Karkat says, giving you a smile as he steps out of the elevator.

“That’s good to know.” You get up and grab the drinks. He waits patiently for you to leave, then walks by your side as you lead him to the final stairwell.

            You peek out through the door, making sure that there isn’t anything on that could give away your plan. After giving the area a passing score you open the door fully and lead him out onto the roof. He goes over to his usual spot on the air vent he had sat on to watch you dance. You hop onto it as well, passing him his drink. The food gets distributed out and you eat contentedly. The two of you enjoy the peaceful silence between you, staring up at the night sky.

“So, did you have fun at prom?” He asks after a while, wiping his face with a napkin.

“It was fine. I just kind of wished I could have danced with you better.” You look over at him.

“There were a lot of bodies around.” He says, getting red again.

“Yeah. Maybe if there were less people.” You hum. He nods in agreement and finishes off his fries.

“If you really want to, I think winter formal tends to have less people?”

“Maybe.” You eat the last bite of your burger and brush your hands off on your pants. Karkat sets his burger aside for now.

“Yeah,” He looks over at you. “I don’t think I’d mind another torturous evening with you.”

“Well, this one isn’t over.” You say, gently swinging your legs.

“True.” He smiles. You push yourself off the air vent and turn to face him.

“Do you trust me?” You ask. He looks at you, the edge of the building, then back to you.

“Only if you promise not to try and jump off onto a ‘magic carpet’.”

“I promise I won’t.” You say, taking a step closer to him. He watches you carefully.

“Then you know I do. Why?”

“Close your eyes.” You tell him. He raises an eyebrow in response. You shrug your shoulders and wait for him to do it.

“Close ‘em and no peeking.” You say again.

“I better not regret this.”

“I hope you don’t.”

“There, closed and no peeking.” He says, closing his eyes and placing his hands over them.

“Good.” You smile. You quickly walk away from him, going over to various extension cords and flicking them on. You retrieve Bro’s boombox from the corner he tucked it into and place it on top of another vent. Pulling off your shades, you look around one last time at the decorations you and Bro strung about this morning. _It looks perfect._ You tuck your shades into your breast pocket and look over at Karkat. He’s kicking his legs impatiently.

“Can I look now?” He asks. You press play on the boombox and walk over to him.

“Yeah.” You say once in front of him. He puts his hands down and looks around before his eyes land on you. You give him a little bow and a smile.

“May I have this last dance?” You offer your hand. He covers his face again for a few seconds, before peeking through his fingers at you. Karkat bites at his lip, fighting a wide smile that spreads across his face. He takes your hand and laughs a bit nervously.

“Are you serious?” He asks, getting off the air vent, still holding your hand.

“Of course I am.” You say with a big smile. He looks around at all the lights strung up around the place and steps closer to the center of the roof. You let him, following him there and then placing your hands in their proper place for a slow dance like this. He glances down at your hands and then hides his face embarrassed. You don’t mind.

            Now you get to show him how much practice into this you’ve actually done. You are no professional, but you certainly move with more grace than before. He laughs softly and looks up at you, unable to stop smiling.

“I didn’t know you were going to try and woo me tonight.” He says, a lovely shade of red across his face and ears.

“Of course I was.” You say.

“I think it’s working.” He whispers, hiding his face back in your chest.

“That’s good.” You dip him slightly. He screams and clings to you, laughing only somewhat nervously this time. You laugh with him, happily and pull him back up. You rest your forehead against his. He smiles brightly up at you.

“God I love you…” You say.

“…I love you too.” He says after a brief pause. You stop dancing to make sure you heard that right.

“…Yeah?” You ask. He bites his lip and nods.

“I love you.” He says. You hold him close to you and laugh happily. His arms wrap around your neck and he holds you tight.

“You love me?” You ask again.

“Fuck, Dave, I,” He hides his face. “I’m sorry…you said it and I, I couldn’t help it. I-I have it bad.” You pull him away to look at him. He whines, embarrassed.

“I just… I don’t know when it happened I just… One day we were friends and things were fine, next thing I knew we were kissing at New Year’s. Going out on Valentines. And I…I knew you needed a friend not some silly boyfriend but I…” You don’t think you have seen him redder before. You pick him up and spin him around.

“You love me! You love me!” You laugh. He clings tightly to your arms.

“Dave!” He screeches. You set him back down and bump your forehead against his gently.

“I love you… So much.” You tell him. He smiles and laughs.

“Yeah? Oh, I couldn’t tell. Tell me again?”

“I love you.” You say again, bringing your hands to cup his jaw. You think you can see just a bit of tears forming on his face.

“…Can I kiss you?” You ask.

“Please.” He says.

            You tilt your head and press your lips against his. He brings his arms around your neck. You sigh happily and you feel his smile. You gently sway back and forth to the music and he breaks the kiss.

“I love you.” You say. He rests his head on your chest and chuckles.

“I know, you just told me.”

“I’ve been fucking head over heels since like, December. That’s like, what, about five months?”

“Did I win your heart with that New Year’s kiss?” He asks. You hum happily at the memory.

“That was wonderful. I couldn’t stop think about it for weeks.” You admit.

“Then I hope you think about these for months.” He says, leaning up and kissing you once more. One of his hands cups your cheek and you kiss him back just as softly. You smile as he breaks the kiss again.

“I will, I so will.” You tell him. You rub your nose against his and he snorts amusedly. You rest like that for a moment.

“Now what?” You ask eventually. He chews his lips and gets a bit lost in thought. You lick your lips and take a deep breath to calm your nerves again.

“Do we uh, actually date now? I-if you uh… if you want to?” You ask. Karkat chuckles and nods.

“Dave?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” He asks you.

“Yes. Hell yes. Hell fucking yes.” You nod. He smiles and chuckles again.

“Then yeah. We date now.”

“Yeah?” You ask. He starts to lead you to the song that’s now playing.

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	28. One Shell Ova Bay-day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Rape Mention  
> \- Self Harm Mention  
> \- Scars  
> \- Body Image Issues  
> \- Mentions/Hints of Sex  
> \- Sexual Acts

            You’ve been dating Karkat for a whole ten days now. It’s honestly been pretty damn amazing and real fucking sweet. You hold his hand to, at, and from school. Which you guess is at least like, fifteen percent more than before but the point still stands. You get to kiss his lips whenever you get the chance outside of school. But that’s only because he’s not big on PDA. That’s fine though. Besides, some of the teachers would probably suffer from a stroke or a heart attack if they saw such _sinful_ acts.

            You don’t mind ‘hiding’ your relationship a bit like this. Some things are more personal and intimate if not everyone knows your business. Hell, even though you cuddle just as much as you used to, it feels closer some how. You do smooch a lot like any other stereotypical teen couple would. Except when Kankri is home.

            Karkat asked you not to tell Kankri about it at all, otherwise he’ll shift into helicopter guardian mode. You have no intentions in telling anyone else really. This is just between the two of you, your small handful of friends, and Bro. You leave it up to Karkat to tell Kankri.

            Besides doing all your lovey-dovey junk, you two have been wrapping up this school year by turning in all late assignments and kiss ass in an attempt to grab those few extra credit points. Or at least that’s what you’re doing; Karkat is just rushing to make sure he gets all his stuff done on time like always. It looks like you’ll at least pass math class with a solid B, no matter what you do. Granted you’ll still have to get another math class to make up for the one you failed in Sophomore year.

            Karkat could technically leave early next year since he’s only got a whopping total of three more classes he needs to take. However, he seems interested in getting a few more just to TA in for the teacher’s he does like. You secretly hope he does just so you can continue to walk home together after school.

            With all of this end of the year crap you almost became the world’s worst boyfriend. God and Cupid happened to have taken pity on your pale ass and wink down at you like, “No worries bro, we got you”, and sent you Feferi to illuminate you in this apparent time of need. She practically shoved you into an empty room and seriously asked you what you had planned for Karkat’s birthday. You had busted into a fit of nervous laughter before almost crying of stress amongst other things.

            Karkat never once mentioned his fucking birthday! Not once had he told you his birthday had been in just _two_ days. _Two!_ You were a broken man, trying to pull something out of your ass to tell Feferi. You didn’t want her to think you were a horrible boyfriend who forgets special dates. She wasn’t impressed with the list of things you had come up with, having shaken her head and clicked her tongue at you.

            You groaned. You know, you know. You are horrible. Feferi however, is a kind mistress and not a cruel one. Granted calling her a mistress of any kind is weird and awkward in your head. She shared her plan with you and even promised to give you half the credit for it. All you had to do was distract Karkat on Wednesday.

            Apparently, according to her, Karkat and his friends rarely get together to celebrate his birthday. It’s not something he’s a big fan of. Plus a lot of them are either too busy with school stuff or heading out with their families for their summer vacations. It seemed like this year all of them were going to stay in town, or at least head out later in the summer. This being the case, Feferi and the others wanted to throw him a surprise party. She had told you how they had been planning it for about a month but had yet to come up with a proper distraction that hadn’t seemed like it was forced.

            So, that’s where you come in. She had made the plan sound really cool and since you had just found out about Karkat’s birthday you didn’t even comment back. You just nodded your head and promised you’d help. She had smiled and let you go.

            Today is Wednesday. You somehow convince Karkat to help you with homework at your place. He looks over the papers you have spread about and then looks back over at you.

“Dave, you do know that school lets out in two days, right?”

“I know. That’s why I need your help.” You whine and flop over his lap. You have been pretending you have no idea what you’re doing with the papers for a while now.

“Dave, my point is that, if you haven’t turned this in yet then I doubt your teacher is going to add it into the grade book.”

“He promised to give me more time since I’ve been doing so good,” You pout up at him. “Help me.” He pets your hair and shifts so he can show you better.

“Alright, alright. You just have to draw these atoms out.” He grabs your pencil from your hand. You kiss his cheek and pay attention to what he’s scribbling down on the paper.

“You have to figure out how many electrons they are sharing and draw them out correctly. A dot is one electron, a line represents two of them.” He tells you, putting dots and dashes under the first problem for you.

“Fuckin’ Morse code up in this bitch.” You say, trying to recall what the letters were made of. Karkat rolls his eyes and finishes up the problem while you watch.

“See? It’s easy.” He says, handing the pencil back to you.

“When you do it sure.” You puff out a cheek and try to do the second one. You do your ‘best’ and he nods when you draw the right thing. He pecks your temple and helps you fix the ones you got wrong, explaining why it’s wrong and how to get the right answer.

            You nod and listen to him vaguely. You are running out of homework to stall him with. In fact, you have none left as he explains the last one on your sheet. It went over rather quickly and you glance at the time. Feferi has yet to text you. Karkat sits back and lets out a soft sigh.

“You better not get anything lower than a B.”

“I’ll try.” You smile at him. _Fuck, fuck fuck, now how will you stall him?_ He stretches out his arms and legs before standing up.

“Where are you off to?” You ask as he moves to gather his stuff back up. He rubs the back of his neck.

“Home? I have to pick up the kitchen before Kankri gets home.”

“So desperate to leave me? I see how it is.” You say, draping an arm over your head and swooning back against the bed.

“Oh yes. I must leave you now Dave. Can’t you see that our passion is nothing more than forbidden love?”

“But sir knight, please! Don’t go!” You beg. He presses a finger gently against your lips.

“It’s for your best my dear.”

“But, you must break my spell! Please, I beg you.” You murmur.

“Oh my god, Dave.” He rolls his eyes. You pout up at him and he shakes his head sighing.

“You can come too. You can dry and put away the dishes while I wash and rise them.” He says.

“But I’m naked. Look at these bare arms. Naked.” You say, waving your arms a bit. When you got home after school today you just pulled your over-shirt off, leaving you in your tank top. Karkat squints at you and sits in the space next to you.

“Oh no.”

“It’s horrible.” You nod.

“You’re right, Dave! What will Kankri think if he saw your bare arms?”

“It’s scandalous.” You snort softly.

“I’m sure Kankri is one of the last people who would ask you about your scars.” He says quietly. You hadn’t even been thinking about that in all honesty. You’ve been trying to make peace with them, but it’s still not even half there. You chew your lip and decide you’ll throw a cleaner long sleeved shirt on before going to Karkat’s.

“Right.” You hum softly. He rests his head on your shoulder, quietly thinking to himself if that expression of his says anything. You look over at him and chuckle softly.

“What?” He asks looking at you.

“I forgot about them for a bit there. It’s kinda weird.” You tell him.

“I kind of do too?” Karkat mumbles, holding his own fingers and twisting them around. You scoop up his hands in yours and bring them close to you, kissing the knuckles. His deep thinking look is finally broken with a soft smile and you rest his hands against your chest.

“Mine.” You claim them.

“Ah yes, my hands. Both of them, all ten fingers, thirty knuckles, and two wrists.”

“They’re mine now.”

“Mhmm. My hands are yours now. Which can only mean one thing.”

“What?” You smile at him. He laces your fingers together and pulls your hands into his chest.

“These are mine.” He says. You manage a small gasp.

“Well, I mean, I _suppose_ it’s a fair trade.” You say. Karkat chuckles softly and shifts so he can sit on your lap, draping your arms around his waist. You hold him close to you and bury your face in his hair. He in turn nuzzles his face against your neck. You sigh happily and press a kiss to his forehead. He’s got that thinking expression on again.

“What’s up?” You ask, combing your fingers through his hair. He groans and a blush rises up across his face. It makes you ten million times more curious.

“What?” You ask again. It takes him a bit to find the words he wants to say, and even then he doesn’t face you when he asks you what’s on his mind.

“Do you…think I’m pretty?” It takes you a moment to properly register the question as serious and actually what he said. Honestly, you never thought he would have asked you that. You think he’s really handsome, or _pretty_ in this case. It never crossed your mind that he might think otherwise.

“What?” You look at him but he just hides his face further in your collarbone. You shift the best you can, trying to get a good look at him.

“Aw, c’mon, you can’t hide after you ask something like that.” You tell him.

“I know my hair is always a mess, I haven’t exactly been covering up the bags under my eyes much either. I mean it’s June and I’m still pretending that long-sleeves are in style because I’m trying to hide my own scars.” He says.

“…So?” You gently tug at his chin to get him to look at you. He refuses to follow your tugs and you feel a part of your heart breaking at it.

“Hey.” You try again, cupping his cheek this time. He glances up at you, and you can see how he’s waiting for your answer. You give him a reassuring smile.

“I think you are beautiful. Like holy shit bro, the gods blessed you. Made a perfect person who is still dreamy to this day. I might have to fight Zeus for you.” He rolled his eyes and leans away from you, a small smile just barely there.

“Fuck off Dave. Zeus is nothing more than a fucking perverted rapist.”

“That’s why I’ll fight him. He ain’t touchin’ my babe, not if I can stop it.” You give him a determined look. He just laughs and rests his forehead against yours, chewing lightly on his lip. You press a kiss to his cheek while it’s here.

“I guess I just sort of feel like I’m hiding from you when I very desperately cover up my flaws. Even if some aren’t exactly ‘flaws’ but more like…” He trails off, cupping his shoulders.

“You’re not hiding. At least, I don’t think you are.” You say. He brushes his hair out of his face, tucking a few stray locks behind his ear.

“I feel like I am? Like, we’re here, in your home. The first thing to go was your shirt ‘cause it’s hot, and I’m melting under these sleeves. You’ve seen my scar before and I’m comfortable around you. So, why am I overthinking it?” He grunts and covers his face. You shrug.

“Just ‘cause you’re comfortable like this doesn’t mean you are totally comfortable without your shirt.”

“I know we haven’t been dating long, but we’ve been together for a good while. And I trust you, I’m comfortable with you.” Karkat fidgets and curls up further.

“We’ve been dating for a whole ten days. It’s alright.”

“I know…sorry,” He sighs and holds his head in his hands. “It’s a sensitive topic too.” You kiss his forehead.

“Hey.” You say, trying to get his attention on you. He glances up at you, not moving anything else. You cup his cheek.

“It’s your birthday, you aren’t allowed to be sad.”

“Who told you? Did you hear when Gamzee called to sing _‘Las Mañanitas’_ to me on the phone?” He asks, giving you a curious look.

“I’m not saying.” Because if you did, it would take Karkat all of .5 seconds to figure out what’s going on upstairs. He scoffs at you.

“Buuuut, if you don’t cheer up, the B-day police will show up.” You tell him.

“Dave!” He smacks your arm.

“They’ll take you away Karkat.”

“I’m serious. I don’t remember telling you.”

“They’ll take you to Didney Worl or Chugga-Cheese. Also, you didn’t and I’m hurt about it.” You cross your arms.

“It’s the middle of the week. We’re busy with finals. It’s not like we could’ve done much.” He rolls his eyes.

“I still could’ve gotten you like, birthday chocolate or something.”

“It’s fine. I was just going to let it pass and sort of mention it in a month or two.” He says, looping his arms around you.

“And I would’ve been _devastated._ ” You tell him.

“Uh huh. Oh no. Poor you.” He pouts. You lean down a bit and peck those pouty lips.

“Am I not allowed to want to spoil my boyfriend on his day of birth?”

“Maybe.” He says with a slight smirk.

“Maybe?”

“Yeah, maybe.” He gives you a look. It’s your turn to pout back at him again. He groans and rolls his eyes when you do.

“What?”

“C’mon man. You’ve orbited the sun. We should celebrate.” You say. Karkat bursts into a loud cackling laugh.

“When the _fuck_ did I leave the Earth’s fucking atmosphere to run a lap around the sun?” He gasps out between bouts of laughter, falling to his side. You snicker along with him.

“Obviously today, last year.”

“The Earth orbited the sun, that’s a year Dave. Not me going into space to do the same.”

“Orbit! Orbit! Orbit!” You say, banging your fist against the wall.

“Shhh!” Karkat reaches out and grabs your hand, laughter dying down to a soft chuckle. You let him hold your fist in his hand.

“Your neighbors are going to think that we’re fucking, and that my name is Orbit.” He says. You give him a scheming smile and he gives you a curious look in return. You take a deep breath and he immediately knows what you planned on doing. He quickly wraps his arms around your face to keep you quiet. Your laugh is cut short by his sudden loud moan.

“OH DAVE! What a wonderful present!” He swoons. You are totally not red. You laugh quietly and decide to keep going.

“Oh yeah, you like it baby?” You say loudly. Karkat bites his lip and tries not to laugh.

“Oh Dave!” He covers his face. You bang your now freed fist against the wall in a steady rhythm, although you should _probably_ stop before the party guests upstairs hear you.

“Oh god, Karkat!” You shout anyway.

“Okay, Stop! We’re stopping!” Karkat waves his arms around. You laugh and scoot yourself closer to him and away from the wall.

“You obviously came before I did, and went to sleep, leaving me to take care of myself,” He says, throwing a cushion at your face. “And after thirty years of marriage I’m getting tired of faking my orgasm for you. _I_ am in desperate need of a divorce.”

“No baby, wait. Pls. I can change.” You bat the cushion away and he chuckles.

“Too late Dave. Thirty years too late.”

“Let me make it up to you.”

“The man might change, but your dick is still a dried up Cheeto.” He says. You can no longer take this seriously and laugh.

“Oh my fucking god.” You shake your head. Karkat snorts and grabs the front of your shirt. You glance down at his hand as he tugs you on top of him.

“Nice.” You say once resting comfortably over him. He brings his arms around your neck, his legs around your waist, and squeezes you. A tiny anaconda hug.

“Niiiice.” You repeat. He rubs his nose against yours and you kiss his cheek. He plays with your hair and chews his lip, thinking again. You rest your forehead against his and wait for him to say what’s on his mind.

“You know…” He starts, putting the words together. You lean back just a bit to look at him better.

“Hmm?”

“I was originally going to tell you my birthday was today and…sort of ask you to be my boyfriend, as a present. But, you beat me to it.” A light blush rises to his face as he admits it.

“Oh?” You wonder how that would’ve been like. Karkat doesn’t respond, choosing to hide his face in your neck.

“I mean, you _could_ still ask.” You tease. He chuckles next to your ear and shakes his head.

“I like how you did it. I didn’t know you could be so damn romantic.” He sighs happily.

“All those romcoms we watched? Took hella notes.” You tell him. He leans back to look up at you.

“Did you really?”

“Wanna see?” You ask. He nods and lets you slide off the bed. You wander over to your desk, and pull out your ‘secret’ notebook. Regardless of what Rose says, it’s not a diary, it’s a notebook. You bring it over to him, placing it in his hands and sitting next to him. He opens it up and flips through it to pick a page at random. When it settles on a page in the middle he skims over the writing.

“Oh my god, you wrote the title and tips.” He has an impressed smile on his lips. He flips through it a different direction and lands on a page you covered in small doodles.

“Are these you and I?” He asks

“Yeah.” You say, feeling a bit embarrassed by it. Karkat flips the page over to see if there’s more.

“Karkat Strider?” He points to a section of the notebook where you put your names together to figure which one sounded better. Dave Vantas had too much ‘v’ sound to it, and it felt awkward on your tongue. Karkat Strider at least sounded nicer to you. You can’t find the words to tell him that though, and settle for resting your head against his shoulder.

“Maybe in a few years.” Karkat hums softly.

“Yeah?” You look up at him. He closes the notebook and kisses your temple.

“We’ll have to stay together and find out together, no?”

“Yeah.” You smile.

“So far, so good.” He kisses your cheek. You nuzzle his shoulder and he kisses your lips. You make sure to give him a nice one back and the two of you sigh happily. You rub your nose against his when your phone goes off. You reach back and grab at your phone, unlocking it and glancing at the screen.

 

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CC: T)(e )(house is reed-y for the bay-day buoy!!

CC: Stop making out and get )(im over )(ere 38P

TG: aight

TG: be right there

CC: Betta be~

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

            Karkat rubs his face and rested his head against your leg while you were busy with your phone. You ruffle his hair and he yawns.

“I’m going to fall asleep.” He complains.

“Thought you wanted to go home?”

“But I’m comfy here.” He nuzzles against your thigh.

“Don’t you have a kitchen or something?” You ask. He whines and kicks his legs like a child would. It still brings a smile to your lips.

“Only if you go and help,” He pouts up at you. “I’ll make us dinner?”

“Yeah.” You lean down and kiss his forehead. With that taken care of, he sits up and stretches once more. You glance around your room for your mysterious disappearing shirt. You pull it on once you manage to find it wedged under your desk. You make sure to grab a special thumb drive that was chilling on your desk, slipping it into your pocket. Karkat picks up his backpack and looks over at you.

“Ready?”

“Yep.” You nod. He hums and starts leading the way out. You can’t fight the big grin on your face.

            Even though he looks exhausted, he still leads you out to the stairwell. You normally wouldn’t complain for the most part, but you can see how drained he is. You offer to take his bag and carry it up yourself, but he declines. Instead, he takes your hand and you give it a gentle squeeze.

            Things go smoothly once Karkat opens his door. He had been very surprised indeed with everyone just waiting inside. You walked in, pulling him with you gently and guide him through his crowd of friends. Several people talk and hug the two of you. You let go of Karkat’s hand once there is more space around him to breathe.

           You can tell he’s thankful for it as he calms back down to respond positively to those around him. Cake is brought out shortly after, and you usher him to the kitchen table. Kankri starts singing “Mordida, Mordida” and Tavros quickly joins in, gleefully clapping his hands and singing. Some of the others start singing along with what words they know or in John’s case, sound roughly right. The cake is place in front of Karkat and while you know what’s coming, it still startles you when Gamzee shoves Karkat’s face right into the cake.

            It takes Karkat a bit to raise his head; Kankri snapping pictures the whole time. Feferi takes some of the frosting off Karkat and flicks it over at Eridan. Eridan makes an offended face and flicks it back to her. She responds by licking it off her finger, which makes Eridan a tad red. Karkat grabs Gamzee before he gets too far and nuzzles his frosting covered cheek against Gamzee’s painted one. Gamzee snickers happily and Tavros starts cutting the cake into equal pieces.

“Cut the cake! Cut the cake!” Jade chants.

“Calm down.” Rose chuckles, resting her hand on her shoulder.

“Cut the cake! Cut the cake!” Bro chants with her.

“Don’t encourage her.” Rose says.

“Cut the cake! Cut the cake!” They chant louder. Rose rolls her eyes but smiles anyway. Gamzee gets up to grab plates from the kitchen and you press a kiss against Karkat’s head. He pecks your cheek and you get frosting all on your face from it. You don’t mind. Vriska seems to be getting impatient from where she rests against John’s shoulder. You just hope she behaves.

            Karkat leans over to help Tavros finish cutting up the pieces as Gamzee makes his way back with paper plates. Paper plates, which happen to be the beautifully ironic Hello Kitty kind, that tells you exactly who picked them up. You give said person a cool fist bump and said person nods and tips his hat just slightly.

           Kanaya and Kanrki help serve out the plates. Bro manages to steal one before it could be handed to him, laughing softly. Feferi grabs a plate for her and Eridan. Jade takes three in hand, balancing them carefully on her arm like she’s used to. Rose and John take them from her. John hands his plate over to Vriska who kisses him on the cheek.

            You notice Nepeta slipping off to the kitchen and when she returns she’s got a gallon of milk clutched in on hand, plastic red cups in another. Tavros casually hands John another plate of cake, which surprises him. John mumbles a thanks and Tavros gives him a polite nod. You take two plates from Kankri, one for you and one for your babe, while Nepeta starts pouring cups of milk for people. She hands the first one immediately to Equius and then slowly everyone else.

            You take a seat next to your babe on the couch in the living room since this is where everyone seems to have vacated. You pass a plate to Karkat who smiles happily and digs into his cake. You rest your head against his shoulder and whisper to him.

“Happy Birthday babe.”

“Was this your idea?” He asks with a smile. You take a bit of your cake and remind yourself that Feferi told you to take partial credit.

“Part of it.” You tell him.

“No ones really come to my birthday… I didn’t exactly want to invite anyone when I lived with dad. And when I moved in with Kankri, a lot of my friends were already out of town.” He looks out at the friends who’ve made themselves comfortable wherever they were with their cake and milk.

“It’s kind of alright.” He says. You nudge his shoulder and smile at him. You’re glad he likes this. Feferi scoots over to the two of you, sitting herself in front of Karkat.

“Kar-crab!” She shouts excitedly. “Happy Bay-day!” She smiles. Eridan offers Karkat a card from where he’s standing just behind Feferi.

“W-we got you a little something.” He says when Karkat gives him a blank look. You’ve got to say; Eridan’s stutter has gotten way better compared to when you first heard him talk to you.

“Oh. Thanks.” Karkat says, taking the card a bit flustered. As if sensing it was now present time, everyone starts clustering around you and Karkat on the couch. Jade quickly takes a seat next to Feferi and motions for Tavros to wheel up next to her. Rose and Kanaya stand on Karkat’s side, smiling happily at him. Nepeta more or less makes her way through the cluster, digging through her small cat bag.

“I have a purr-esent too! Happy birthday Karcat!” She smiles and hands it to him. He takes that in his hands as well.

“I’m pretty sure we _allllllll_ have a present.” Vriska says, flipping some of her hair back over her shoulder. Kanaya nods, holding hers in her hands.

“Open it.” You tell Karkat, nudging him slightly. A small pile of presents surround Karkat’s side.

“Which one?” Karkat asks a bit bewildered.

“All of em.” You say.

“Mine first!” Jade shouts, quickly thrusting hers towards Karkat. He takes it and peels the paper off of the gift. Jade smiles happily and bounces in her seat with anticipation. It takes you a moment to figure out what it is and you can’t help but snicker softly to yourself. She got him some stress toys, like that infinite bubble wrap shit.

“Thanks Jade.” He laughs.

“You’re welcome!” Jade giggles.

“Ours next! We’re next! Next!” John says, pointing out his and Vriska’s gift out in the pile.

“Yeah Karkat. Ours next.” She repeats. Karkat gives it a suspicious look and carefully unwraps it. You are a tad concerned. John’s gifts tend to usually be harmless fun, but with Vriska, god knows what they wrapped up. Karkat covers his face when he frees it from its paper confines.

“So you can write all the shit that troubles you!” John says. You look at it. _He got him a fucking password journal. Holy shit._ You can’t keep the laugh quiet this time.

“What is it?” Feferi asks, unable to fully see it from her place. Karkat lifts it up and shows his crowd.

“Amazing.” You hear Tavros say.

“Holy shit, I thought you were joking!” Jade says, looking back at John.

“I have one of those.” Equius admits softly next to you.

“I need to get you a new one, you’re almost done filling it out!” Nepeta leans against him. Equius nods in agreement. _Alright then._

“Mine next!” Nepeta says.

“No wait, mine! Uh… If you want to.” Tavros fidgets in his chair. You watch as Kanaya slips her and Rose’s gifts into the pile. Rose says something you don’t quite catch, and Kanaya pecks her cheek. _Cuties._

            Karkat unwraps Nepeta’s and is quick to hide it away from view once it’s freed. You give it a better look from where Karkat has stuffed it under his thigh. All you can see is some of Nepeta’s handwriting and what looks like a drawing of Karkat and – _Oh._ It’s a comic she made. Of you, Karkat, and the rest of his friends. Judging from how quickly he hid it, it must contain some rather private stuff. You so totally want to check it out later.

            Kankri manages to squeeze himself between Karkat and his presents, sitting there and giving Karkat a tight hug and words in Spanish. Karkat smiles and nods, as Kankri passes him his present. He unwraps it and gasps softly. It’s a new tablet, and Karkat wiggles just slightly in joy with it.

“Nice.” You say.

“Tav’s next!” Jade says, making sure he finally gets his in. Bro leans against the wall and watches you all with a faint smile tugging at his lips. Karkat rips open the paper and smiles when he sees Tavros’ gift.

“Oh my god Tavros, where did you get this?”

“Ebay.” He grins.

“Of course.”

“Cute!” Jade says. You get a good look at it. It’s that Gudetama egg thing as one of those Pop dolls. Equius’ gift is next and he mumbles the story about it quietly. Karkat unwraps it as he speaks, revealing a framed picture that Equius took of Karkat and his friends. You also had liked the shot too. Karkat smiles and thanks him. Kanaya and Rose’s gift is unwrapped next. It looks like another trashy romance novel, but you don’t say it out loud, especially since they took the time to hide the cover of it.

            Karkat thanks everyone for their gifts and starts gathering them up to move the pile to his room. Equius helps him carry several items. You go to help too, especially since you haven’t given Karkat your surprise yet, but an arm comes out in front of you. You look over at Bro who gives you a small smirk.

“Have fun?” He asks.

“I guess?” You say. He chuckles and lets you go catch up with the rest of the guests who’ve made their way into Karkat’s room. You give Bro a curious look but shrug it off. _It’s probably Bro just being Bro._

            Some people take up space on the bed, others on the floor. Someone has started up a movie on Karkat’s laptop. Karkat gestures to the spot next to him and you quickly climb over a few people to get there. You cuddle up against his side and watch the movie. Rose pulls Kanaya in a bit later; you guess they’d been helping clean up.

            When the movie ends, it’s late enough that people decide to go home, there is still school tomorrow after all. Karkat thanks everyone for showing up, getting all the hugs and cheek smooches in return.

            You thank your friends for showing up in particular. Jade gives you a bright grin and punches your shoulder while Rose pinches your cheek and says how they wouldn’t miss it. John pulls you into a side hug, calls you a mushy dork and that the three of you should all hang out during the summer since it’s your “last” one. You nod and say you’ll try which leaves them with pleased smiles as they head home.

            Cronus kisses Kankri’s cheek and takes Feferi and Eridan back home. Bro waves goodbye to him and Cronus just does that dumb “I’m watching you” gesture. Bro just smirks and chuckles when Cronus leaves. Kankri turns to Bro and thanks him for helping and showing up.

            You tug Karkat back into his room and cuddle up with him more closely now that it’s just the two of you really. You kiss his temple.

“I got you something.” You tell him.

“Oh?” Karkat glances up at you.

“Mhmm.”

“Is it a kiss?” He asks sitting up.

“Not exactly.” You hum.

“Then?” He raises a bro. You reach into your pocket and pull out the thumb drive that had been sitting in there.

“This.” You offer it to him. He gives it a curious look.

“Ah yes, your homemade porno.” He says, taking it.

“Yep. Definitely,” You roll your eyes. “Bro let me borrow all his equipment for it. Totally.” Karkat grabs his laptop and brings it over towards you. He sits beside you with it, plugging the USB in and hovering his mouse over the only file in there titled: “For the bae”.

“Promise I won’t regret this?”

“I promise.” You kiss his cheek and watch him open the file. A small video starts up on screen.

“‘Please don’t kill me if you think I didn’t make you look good’?” He reads. You give him a little smile as the slides actually start going.

“Oh my god. Dave. No.” He says watching as pictures of the two of you start appearing.

“Yep. It’s happening.”

“When did you take half of these?” He asks, cupping his face as he watches.

“I just did.” You reply, cuddling up against his side. He sits there with the largest grin you’ve ever seen.

            The pictures themselves go from Christmas day, when you got your nice new camera from him, to the last week at school. Karkat watches them, resting his head on your shoulder. You reach down and hold his hand in yours. He laces your fingers together and you give his hand a gentle squeeze. He’s a nice shade of red by the end, hiding his face in your neck. You kiss his forehead.

“Happy Birthday.” You say.

“Yeah. Happy Birthday to me.” He smiles, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close. You kiss his cheek and sigh happily into his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/
> 
> \---
> 
> Sorry it's been so long, life has great timing don't you agree?  
> Anyways, this fic will get finished I promise <3  
> Thank you for waiting


	29. Rinse and Repeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Academic planning  
> \- Friendship feels  
> \- Physical abuse  
> \- Abuse  
> \- Abusive family mention  
> \- Mentions of drugs  
> \- Mentions of self-harm  
> \- Nude  
> \- Hydrophobia  
> \- Naked Dave (Dave takes a shower)

You started working at a small market right around the corner just right after summer break started. The hours are great and after learning all the damn codes for the produce, things started running a lot smoother. You like it here. Your only complaint is that you get home sore from standing and stocking shelves all day. You're also sort of learning a second language there since your managers and a lot of the clients speak Spanish. You already knew the names of the brands but now you're learning more words to certain foods and merchandise. It's kind of really cool. You'll sometimes surprise Karkat with the few words you’ve learned in the week and his face is always priceless. He probably thinks that you've been reading the Spanish book he let you borrow, since you wanted to take a peek at it so that you had an idea of what you'd be learning when school starts up again.

     While you are at the market, Karkat is at Porrim’s tattoo parlor. It’s the place right next to Gamzee’s shop, and he helps her keep it clean and probably holds grown-ass men’s hands while they get their ink done. Your boyfriend is obviously a professional hand holder now. You’re also pretty certain that he visits Gamzee after work too. He once mentioned that Gamzee was planning to sell his shop. Karkat explained that Gamzee now has a new dream, opening a snack-shop closer to the school. It makes you kind of proud of the guy. Gamzee hasn't been the best influence in your life, but he's got to be good if Karkat trusts him as much as he does.

     Since the two of you started working, and started making your own money, the two of you have started going out more instead of staying inside all summer. Both of you have tried out a bunch of new restaurants and even most of the café’s around town. You finally had your double dates with John and Vriska, Rose and Kanaya, and Karkat once invited Jade and Bec out for a smoothie at the park. You’ll admit that you were surprised when you heard him tell Jade to bring Bec along since last you heard; Karkat wasn’t a big fan of dogs. However, he ran all over with Bec while you took a few pictures and babysat your bags with Jade. It's been a great summer so far.

     Since you know you’ll have a full schedule when school starts back up, you think you’ll try to ask for fewer hours. Unlike you, Karkat only has four classes instead of six so if he wanted to, he could probably keep his job at the parlor. He had originally mentioned that he was going to try to TA for the Spanish teacher, which you really hope he does. You could use all the extra help in that class, plus you would not mind watching him bend over a few desks as he answers other students’ questions.

     John gave you a call almost as soon as you got out of work today so you were actually able to answer for once. He used this time to catch up with you about all the shit he had been up to this past week. He also mentioned that he’s been looking into colleges on the west coast which makes you stop for a moment and realize that, oh shit; you should get to that soon too. John seems to really have his eye on Washington State, _man, that’s far_ , Dadbert is going to miss his little boy. You have a feeling that he just told you this because he wants you to hear you say you'll miss him, which you do end up admitting to him after you hear him pause for a minute and sniffle.

     The two of you finally end this deep conversation with a good laugh rather than in tears like you had originally thought this would. John tells you that he loves you and reminds you that you’re his best bro, it brings a sad smile to your lips and you tell him that he means the same to you. He hangs up right as you unlock your front door and you put your phone back in your pocket as you drag your feet through the doorway, all the way to your bedroom.

     You think you hear Karkat playing some music on your computer; you see as he shifts to look over at you. He’s been letting himself in whenever he gets off before you do and waits for you to get out of work, which isn’t until your boss takes pity on you and lets you off for the day. The two of you meet here, make out after you shower, and then he heads out once Kankri gets home. You don't try to wrap your sweaty limbs around him and smooch his face today though. Something about the idea of leaving for college has made you kind of uneasy so you just flop on your bed and rest your face against the cool sheets underneath you.

     Karkat, however, will not stand for this. _Oh no sir_. How _dare_ you not acknowledge his presence! Oh he _will_ make himself known! You hear him get out of the computer chair and feel his weight on the bed as he crawls on to the old mattress to join you. You tilt your head to greet him but instead of a “hello” rolling off your lips, a pleased sound escapes right through them. Karkat is a fucking back rubbing pro and you are a slut for those magic fingers at your back. You bury your face in the sheets once more and melt under Karkat’s touch. After he’s got you where he wants you, turning into a puddle on your bed under his touch, he finally starts asking you about your day.

 “Since you’re all covered in T4 stage tumor sized knots, I’m going to guess that the ass-nugget eating old bitch was back at the store today.” He says as he rubs your lower back.

 “Nah.” You answer briefly.

 “Long shift?” He continues with his twenty-one questions.

 “Not really.” You hum softly.

 “Customer with an expired coupon who practically acted as if you shoved it up their ass and demanded the manager’s presence?”

 “Oh my god, babe.” You chuckle and try to tilt your head so you can look over at him.

 “Is that a ‘no’?”

 “That’s a no.” You prop yourself on your elbows and look over your shoulder at him.

 “Don’t tell me Esmeralda gave that ex of hers another chance!” He gasps and looks genuinely concerned.

 “Come on, you know she’s smarter than that.” You finally shift onto your back and look up at him.

 “Well then I give up. I have no idea what’s crawled in through your ear and into your thoughts to have you this obviously stressed.” He tells you while he scoots closer towards you and curls up against your sweaty side. _I’m sorry babe; I know I’m usually clean by now._

     He pouts up at you with those big eyes of his and you can no longer keep your worries hidden. You sigh sadly, wrap an arm around him and pull him close. He shifts around so that he can rest his chin on your chest and looks up at you again, that worried look still there.

 “John called after I got off today; he’s going to Washington State for college.” You tell him.

 “Oh shit. Was that the furthest he could fucking run off to without leaving the states?” You snicker softly and wrap your other arm around him, hugging him close. For some reason, talking to Karkat about anything bad always makes you feel so much more at ease almost instantly.

 “I guess. That’s what it looks like, huh?” You look down at him, expecting him to be laughing at the situation, but he’s not even smiling up at you.

 “You’re going to miss him, huh Dave?” He asks softly.

 “Yeah…I will.” John has been one of your best friends for so long. You honestly have no idea what things are going to be like without him around you, and that worries the shit out of you. Karkat doesn’t let your negative thoughts get too far and tries to see if you know anything about your other friends.

 “What about Rose and Jade?”

 “Uh,” You think back to the last time you had a talk about the near future with your girls and try to remember what their goals were. “Rose’s got her eye on some school in New York and Jade might be getting some sort of athletic scholarship for some fancy-ass school on some Pacific island.” You doubt that’s anything close to what Karkat was expecting to hear. _Ahaha! All your friends are leaving you._

 “Oh wow. If I end up going anywhere it’ll probably just be to community college.” Karkat mentions as he takes your hand into his and plays with your fingers. He’s probably trying to keep you focused on him and not on your abandoning friends.

     You hope he’s being honest about that and that it’s what he truly wants to do with his life. You have no idea how you are going to handle these long distance friendships, let alone a long distance relationship. _Mad kudos to those who can; may they all always be happy._

 “But I might want to live on campus to give Kankri a well deserved break.” He continues sharing his plan with you.

 “Then wouldn’t you have to pay extra?” You finally give him the attention he deserves and ask him about things you’d like to know. If your boyfriend is going to stay in town, much like how you had thought about doing as well, then maybe you should let this encourage you to start figuring out more about your own plan.

 “I know there are a few scholarships and grants I can _definitely_ apply for, plus, I should be getting some financial aid as well. That should all be enough to cover housing on campus or at least a small studio apartment across the street. It’s not like I’m looking for luxury anyways, I just want experience being outside of home.” He hums softly and stares up at the ceiling.

 _Look at your baby go_. He’s got all sorts of random shit on his plate and still manages to look forward and make plans for himself. You can’t let him down; you have to start putting your shit together and make a plan for yourself. You want to keep making Karkat proud of you and you also want to become someone he wants to keep in his life. You might not be able to be the best boyfriend, but you want to at least try to be all he deserves; which happens to include someone who probably goes off to college and does well.  

 “Yeah, I know what you mean,” You give his cheek a peck and share what you have planned so far since it’s only fair. “I think I’m going to stay here as well. Bro’s been saving up for me and I don’t want to make his wallet weep and cough up blood if it doesn’t have to.” You tell him as he chuckles, nodding his head against your chest.

     You had not thought about what would happen between you and Karkat after high school before, but now you’re very glad to know that you two will at least be staying in town and studying at the same school. You’re going to miss your friends like crazy but you think Karkat will help keep you from feeling so damn lonely.

     The two of you go back and forth discussing what you think it’s better for yourselves to study. The main question at this point is if one should follow a passion or force themselves on a route that will take them further in life.

     After a very long chat about all of that, Karkat buries his face in your chest and lets out a tired sigh.

 “You smell like cilantro and sweat.” He makes a face up at you.

 “Delicious.” You wiggle your eyebrows at him and he pulls his face back out of your chest and shoves you away from him.

 “Go take a shower you damn hippie!” He chuckles as he tries to crawl away from you but he doesn’t get far. You grab his hand and pull him into a tight embrace.

 “DAVE!” He screeches but you don’t free him, not yet.

 “Give me a smooch and I’ll go hop in the shower.” You hold him in your arms and make kissy faces at him. Karkat chuckles and playfully pushes your face away from his.

 “Not until you wash your ass!”

 “Why do I have to wash my ass if it’s my lips you’re kissing? Or did you have other plans?” You tease. He turns a lovely shade of red and crosses his arms. He’s obviously not happy with your response.

 “Just let me love youuuu.” You whine as you flop onto your back and pout up at him.

 “You can love me _after_ you wash your balls.”

     You admit defeat and decide that it would be a wise idea to shower if you’re expecting Karkat to give you some special attention. However, you still want to keep teasing and talking with him.

 “Want to come with me?” You bite your lip and wiggle your brows up at him.

 “Fine! I’ll sit on the toilet but that’s it. Don’t expect me to join you or to scrub your back.” He rolls out of bed and stretches.

 “Wait. Really?” You look up at him and try to figure out if he’s being serious or not. He must have been joking because he looks kind of surprised with your response. Once again, your boyfriend’s cheeks are a warm summer sunset.

 “Do you want me to?”

 “Well, yeah. Like you said, you can just sit on the toilet. That’s fine. I just want to keep being with you.” You crawl out of bed and offer him a small smile. You don’t want to make him uncomfortable or anything, you just want to keep chatting with your babe.

 “If it’s what you want then alright. Just make sure you’re behind the curtain before I follow you in so I am not tempted to peek.” He teases you with a smirk, and mini Dave is _so_ not snapping at attention at that. Nuh-uh. _I am so taking a cold shower._

     You gather a change of clothes and grab a towel from the hall cabinet while Karkat sits at the edge of your bed. You shove everything onto your sink and start to undress. He said he wouldn’t come in here with you until he heard the water go off. So even though he mentioned sneaking a peek at you, you doubt he’ll do anything of the sort.

     You finally hop inside your shower and close the curtain behind you. You turn the water on and after you adjust the temperature you softly call out to Karkat.

 “Yeah, I’m right here, Dave.” He says, startling you slightly.

 “Holy shit dude, that was quick.”

 “What can I say, I’m a desperate fool.” He jokes. You chuckle softly and start rinsing your hair of sweat and whatever cilantro smell Karkat was getting a hint of. You hum a soft tune and wait until Karkat brings up some sort of topic.

 “You know, it’s strange.” He starts off with.

 “What is?” You ask, squeezing shampoo into your hand.

 “Almost every day, at school, I shower with a bunch of strangers who happen to flash each other as if it were some sort of fucking Olympic sport, but here I am, making sure that I don’t walk in on my boyfriend.”

 “You’re so strong, baby.” You try not to laugh at him and focus on washing your hair.

 “Right?” He gasps dramatically. “But knowing my luck, you are going to slip on a bar of soap, rip the curtains right down and I’m going to get hit in the face with nothing other than your ass! What a fantastic way to go, Dave. I’d love to read the news article to my death. ‘Local boy dies after getting struck in the face with the moon: Boy now an _ass_ tronaut.’” He chuckles at his own joke as he emphasizes his damn pun.

     You are deeply in love with this dork.

 “Babe, please. How do you expect me to shower in peace if I have to be extra careful about not dropping my bar of soap?” You glance over at the thing and give it a suspicious squint.

 “You’ll be fine. There is no way you can really scar me with your bare ass. I have seen my fair share of weird shit at the school’s showers, Dave.”

 “Like?” You ask and wait for his answer while you rinse your hair off a second time and apply the conditioner.

 “Okay, you got me. I lied. I think the worst thing I’ve actually seen is a dick that was too damn close.”

 “What?” You look over at his direction and actually see his shadow wave his hands around as he tells his story.

 “So there I was, Dave. I had just finished rinsing the soap out of my eyes and there _it_ was!”

 “What was?” You ask as if you need clarification.

 “Moby Dick!” He hisses out and you want to die. Instead you bite at your lip to keep from laughing.

 “I think what had happened was that the stall had lost its towel holder. I think it fell off and there was a hole left over. Some idiot saw said hole and realized that the poor thing was big enough for him to shove his dick right through!” You didn’t think it’d be this hard to shower with Karkat in here with you but holy fuck; you are now losing your shit laughing at this story.

 “Don’t fucking laugh at me you ungrateful tapeworm!” He grumbles. You wipe at the tears in your eyes but it is of no help. You’re in the shower Dave, you now have unlimited tears thanks to the shower head.

 “Guys are fucking gross. Why are we so damn filthy?”

 “Well I don’t have an answer to that, but I think I know the exact stall you are talking about.” You say after you’re finally done dying of laughter.

 “Oh?”

 “Yeah, it’s the one I always used because it was almost always the last one to get taken. I guess that’s how all those glory hole rumors started.”

 “Damn baby, you sure work hard to pay our bills,” Karkat snorts out; you think he’s trying not to laugh. “All I do is stay at home and take care of our man-child, Gamzee. Hopefully he’ll grow to be big and strong like his papa.” He continues and you totally don’t try to imagine what it would be like to have a family with Karkat someday.

     You shake your head at yourself and soap up your loofa in an attempt to continue getting clean.

 “Do you want kids?” Karkat asks after a minute or two of silence.

 “Huh?” You raise your brow at his shadow as you scrub your arms.

 “Do you want kids?” He repeats.

 “Sure? They’re alright, I guess,” You don’t mean to sound so unsure; it’s just not a topic you’ve put a lot of thought into. “I figure I’ll end up with one sometime in life.”

 “So I’ll assume that you want to get married some day as well?” Karkat asks and you suddenly forget any plans you’ve ever made about your future.

 “Uh,” You scrub at your shoulders while you try to re-plan your life. “You know? Yeah. Marry a nice man someday.” It’s not a lie; you would like to settle down with someone you really love. That sort of thing actually sounds kind of nice once you begin to think about it.

     Is he going somewhere with this? Is it something he actually thinks about _? Does Karkat want to marry you someday?_ Or does he only see you as one of his young loves who he will leave behind to move on in life and find someone to have a more serious relationship with? _Fuck_. They do say the shower is a place for thoughts, but _holy shit_ , this is getting out of hand.

 “I think Kankri is the only one of us two who will get married and actually be a good dad. I don’t know…” He says with a deep sigh and you try to focus back on the now instead of worrying about the _, hopefully_ , far future.

 “I’m too scared to mess up and turn out just like _him_.” You focus back on Karkat and you have no idea what to say to that. All you know is that you don’t want him to think that he is anything like that sorry excuse of a man.

 “You won’t.” You try to assure him.

 “I don’t know that yet. Kankri might look a lot like the guy, but I’m the one everyone always compared him to,” Karkat snaps out. “‘ _You’re just as angry, you’re just as feisty’_. I don’t fucking know! The guy was _always_ angry. He was always so damn _angry_.” Karkat’s voice breaks and so does your heart.

 “I don’t think you’re _that_ angry.” You tell him softly. You carefully slide the curtain aside, just enough to peek out at him, and offer him a small smile. He’s curled up on your toilet, knees up against is chest, chin resting on the top of them and wiping at his eyes. It just about breaks your heart.

 “Listen, I’m fully aware of being a moody cluster fuck, but I guess you don’t piss me off as much as others might. Or maybe my fuse has just gotten longer.” He chuckles softly at himself and smiles sadly at you.

 “Maybe,” You snicker.”Or maybe you’re just a misunderstood guy who happens to speak in all caps and is too passionate for his own good?”

 “Oh yes, of course, Dave.” Once you see him smile again you resume scrubbing your sins away.

 “You know, I think a lot of my friends made comments about me being like my father because I would always whine and complain about him.” Karkat continues sharing and you listen attentively. “I bet you they thought I had no right to complain about living with a moody man, when I myself was a complete asshole.” He sighs. You don’t think that means Karkat deserved anything cruel that man ever did to him.

 “I only ever complained about his attitude and not once did I really call for help like I probably should have. I always hid the marks and the bruises. I never coughed up a confession about him bea—” He cuts himself off and you don’t know if it’s because he feels he’s shared too much, or if you should even try to broach the subject.

 “…about him beating us.” He finishes softly.

     Since Karkat first shared stories about his scars it has been clear that his father was the main cause of most of them, but this is the first time you’ve heard Karkat clearly admit to it. How does one react to this? What do you do? Do you climb out of this emotional shower and hold him while your dripping wet and naked? This is a _horrible_ place to be when your boyfriend is telling you about his past miseries.

     For now though, all you can do is listen, and maybe that’s just what he needs. It’s possible that Karkat wouldn’t be comfortable telling you all of this if you two were standing face-to-face. So if this is the way this has to happen for him to share this with you, then so be it. You just hope he knows you’re listening.

 “Like, maybe if I had said something about it at an earlier age, Kankri would have stayed around longer, or maybe the teachers would have done something and friends would have offered help sooner. I don’t know. It’s hard to think this way when deep down a big part of me kind of believes that that all this shit happened to me because of fate or because I deserved certain things in life.”

 “Karkat…Listen. I don’t know what to say but I’m here,” You reassure him. “I might not be all up on you, holding you and reminding you that it’s all chill and shit, but, yeah...” _Ah yes. Perfect. Just the words you wanted to come out._

 “Yeah, I know. Thank you.” He chuckles softly and the sound lets you know that he’s at least somewhat alright. “Things are a lot more different now and I definitely know better.” he hums and continues to share with you.

 “I was once doing the dishes and one of the plates slipped my grip and shattered on the floor. I was going to clean it up but my old man decided the best plan of action was to smash another against the wall and try to cut me with it. And _holy shit_ Dave, back then I honestly thought I deserved that. I legitimately _believed_ that that’s what happened to the naughty children around the globe. I deserved it for being so damn clumsy,” He’s sounds so displeased with himself, “Now people can’t lift a hand near me without causing me to flinch and that is fucked up. I’ve tried convincing myself that not everyone is going to hurt me, but deep down I’m fucking terrified of people. Which is why I really appreciate the few friends I still have, I feel safe around them and I know they wouldn’t try to hurt me on purpose.” He’s always told you that people need to be selfish once in a while to be somewhere where they are safe. So knowing that he feels safe with the friends he has surrounded himself with lets you know that Karkat is the kind of person who practice what he preaches.

 “I deserve better and it’s why I have you now.”

 “Oh?” That threw you completely off. You don’t know why fate would put you in Karkat’s life if it was his turn to be fortunate.

 “Yeah, life obviously owed me someone special who would make me happy.”

 “I’m sorry to inform you of such bad news babe, but life played you, it gave you one fucked up lollypop triple dipped in angst and wrapped up in misery,” You make sure that you have rinsed off all the soap off and turn the water off, “But I guess I’m glad that I make you happy, as you say.”

 “Maybe that’s it though! What good would it be to have the perfect prince charming? I didn’t need to be saved from a tower, Dave. I needed someone who would understand,” he hands you your towel when you slip your arm pass the curtain in search of it, “I’m not trying to glorify your addiction, bad habits, or even my own scars, but maybe it’s because of all of this shit that you get me?”

 “I try my best.” You hum and lightly dab your face with the towel.

 “Yeah, well maybe because of where I come from, I get you too.”

 “I don’t know about that…I think you just get me because you cared enough to really get to know me,” You wrap the towel around your waist and carefully step out of your shower, “You get me cause you’re a wonderful asshole who happened to take his time to get to know me beyond just my dirty habits and harsh past.”

 “Maybe you’re right,” He smiles up at you, “We’re just a couple of idiots who fell hard for each other. There was no warning, we just fell face first and ate shit.”

 “Good shit, good shit right here bro.” You grab another towel and dry your hair the best you can with it.

 “I’m sorry I kind of just spilled my guts out to you.” Karkat hops off the toilet and stretches his arms.

 “Nah dude its fine, this sort of shit if better off your chest then far in deep in your gut.”

 “Yeah well, watch. One of these days I’m going to just word vomit my entire life story onto your lap. _Bam_ ; just like that. Fucking clam chowder chunky goodness all over your groin, Dave,” He crosses his arms and looks over at you, “I won’t be able to control it at all; I hope you’re ready for possible seconds.”

 “Bring forth the dessert while you’re at it.”

 “Eww, Dave. Did you not hear what I said about chunky bits? Gerber ain’t got shit on that word vomit bro.” You snicker and try to ignore the gross imagery forming in your head.

 “‘What’s on the menu today my good sir?’ ‘Well it’s not Friday but we got ourselves some extra chunky clam chowder sir’. ‘Oh yes, the thickest of soups’, then bam! Right onto everyone’s lap, Dave.”

 “Thanks babe, just how I like to enjoy my soup” You plug the hairdryer in and try to make your hair somewhat presentable for the day.

     You try not to focus on your reflection too much since you know your eyes always wander down to your scarred shoulders; instead you catch Karkat’s eyeing you. _You go ahead hun, this is all yours._ You laugh at your own thoughts as you turn off the hairdryer and set it aside for now.

     Karkat walks up behind you, carefully wraps his arms around your waist and rest his warm cheek against your cool back. You relax back into him and hum softly as he gently traces your sides. He presses his lips against the back of your neck and your shoulders.

 “This is nice.” You smile at the cute couple in the mirror.

 “I know right? That nice, new fresh man smell,” He chuckles softly, “nice ripe babe.” He says as he gives your booty a firm squeeze.

     You let out a startled sound at that and he pulls you close. He also decides that your neck is now all his and covers it in playful kisses. Playful kisses which soon after turn into soft nips which earn him a pleased sound from you.

 “Like I said, this is nice.” You melt back into him and sigh.

 “Yeah, it is.” Karkat laces his fingers with yours and kisses your shoulder. You take his hands into yours and hold them up to your lips so you can kiss each knuckle.

     You know Karkat is no prince charming but he makes you feel like a damn princess. He’s perfect for you because he makes you feel so damn loved and he cares about you. This is the beginning of your tale, and you just hope that if you don’t get a happily ever after you two at least get a few unforgettable seasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	30. Who You Gonna Call?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- John  
> \- Attempts of self harm  
> \- Sexual abuse  
> \- Rape mention  
> \- Romantic Relationships  
> \- Feelings jam  
> \- Domestic abuse  
> \- Physical Abuse  
> \- Slurs  
> \- Sexual topics  
> \- Mentions of sex and intimacy

            The last time you slept over at the Egbert’s household, you and John were sophomores. Now, the two of you are seniors and yet, it still feels as if it were being ran by two ten year-olds. John is on the floor in his beanbag and the poor thing is covered in white powder from the donuts he just devoured. His Cheeto-orange tinted fingers are smashing the buttons on his controller. You sit at the edge of his bed in a tight blanket cocoon, only your face and hands free to grab at the second controller and watch your characters across the screen.

            You’ve been like this since you got over here, right after your shift at the market. John had come to pick you and a shit ton of snacks that he insisted you’d need for the night up. You helped him out and used that sweet employee’s discount of yours, granted it was the first time you had ever actually managed to work the courage up to ask for it.

            Karkat knows exactly where you are. It’s not because he asked or because he _has_ to know, but because you wanted him to know out of respect. Hell, _you’d_ like to know if he spent the night over at a friends place just so you didn’t go over to his apartment and look all over for him like an idiot. You hope he enjoys his alone time, but you also hope he misses you just a little bit. That way, when you two see each other again, it’s just a little bit more special. Or something. Besides, you two have spent a lot of the summer together. You wanted to hang with your friends a bit more before it ends.

            While you and John had eaten dinner, he told you more about that college he had been looking into. To be honest, it sounds like a great choice for him. You genuinely hope he gets accepted, he deserves to follow his dreams. You also told him the plan that you had come up for yourself even though you know community college may not be anything compared to a state university. John seemed to be very excited for you. He was glad that you get to stay close to home and even shared a few programs he had heard about the college you chose was offering.

            After that, you two took care of the two medium meat-lover’s pizza. John had then challenged you for your Super Smash Bros: Melee champion title. It’s too bad his sorry ass always picks the Ice Climbers. There’s just something about smashing keys next to your best friend and insulting them with your colorful language, while the two of you are covered in artificial food coloring and powdered sugary goodness, something that only a few may ever get to experience in their lives. It’s a strange rush, much better than any of the ones that drugs ever tried to give you.

            Which reminds you, you’ve been sober since December of last year. You look down at your hands and glance at the wrist where Karkat’s bracelet should have been resting. You still haven’t found the poor thing. You should really look for it again when you go home. John pauses the new game he had just started and looks over at you.

“Hey Dave, are you really going to let me beat you this time?” You shake your head and look down at him.

“Nah, I thought I’d be nice and give you a head start.” You unpause the game and through a couple of hits at his character.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks as he pauses the game once more. Alright. You guess that time of the night has come. The time every sleepover has, as well as the hour right before any written assignment is due online: Philosophy hour.

            You sigh and put your controller down. You aren’t quite sure how to tell him that Karkat happens to be on your mind, without seeming ridiculously romantic or rude. John scrapes more of the Cheeto dust off his fingers with his teeth.

“Hmm?” He prompts. You mumble, jamming the words together and leaving no pause in-between them. He tries to unjumble the mess as you clear your throat and resume the game. John pauses it once more.

“Woah, woah, woah. Wait. Karkat? Really?” He looks up at you. You whine.

“Shut up, you had Vriska on your mind twenty-four/seven when you two first started dating. Let me suffer without my babe.” You press the start button once again. John, however, is determined to keep you from playing and pauses it again.

“How are you two doing?” He asks. You aren’t sure why he’s so interested, but something about talking about Karkat makes you rather excited.

“Uh, we’re good. Really good I think. We’re happy.”

“That’s good.” He says with a small smile.

“Yeah. He told me that if I had not asked him when I did, he would have asked me out on his birthday.”

“You are such nerds.” He teases.

“What? Why?” You demand. John just shakes his head.

“Tell me about it though.”

“Like, what do you want to know?” You chuckle.

“I want to know how you asked him out.”

“Oh my god. Have I really not told you?” You could have sworn you told him, Rose, and Jade about it. You must have been too excited to mention it.

“Tell me, tell me.” John starts chanting.

“Fine, fine. Calm down. Jesus, if you’re in _such_ a great need for gay fanfiction, go read something on like AO3 or fuckin’ fanfiction.net.”

“Fuck off,” He whines. “I just want to know about you two. Is that a crime?” You wiggle all the way out of your cocoon and take a seat beside John on the floor. He opens up a soda bottle and takes a small sip out of it while you get comfortable.

“Okay. Hmm. Just so you know, this story is extremely cheesy. And even more so, gay.” You warn him.

“Alright. I’m ready.” He nods, twisting the cap back on his bottle.

“So. Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, this amazingly cool knight fell madly in love with a wonderful stable boy.”

“Oh my god. Dave, _you_ were a stable boy?” John interrupts.

“No! I’m the knight, ‘cause I’m always fightin’ the dragons that are my inner thoughts. Listen to the story man. Hold all questions ‘til the end.” You swat at his arm.

“Fine, fine.” He snickers.

“Anyways. The knight thought that his big muscles and good looks were enough to easily woo the stable boy, but man was _he_ wrong. That stable boy had been through a lot of jerks that were very similar to the knight. So he was being extra careful with the charmin’ knight. And that’s cool. Ain’t no one owes shit to anyone who’s being nice to them but common respect.” You shrug. John nods along, quietly shoving more Cheetos into his mouth. You smile softly to yourself, picturing it like a real storybook.

“But the knight was very interested and the stable boy never gave him any sign of wantin’ him to stop his advances, so he continued. The knight would visit the stable boy daily and the stable boy would do the same. The stable boy was very kind to the knight and helped him fight his biggest battle yet. The battle against himself.”

“Uh-huh.” John gives you a look that tells you it’s time to reel that metaphor back in. The thing is getting too big on its little fishhook and you’re probably going to lose him in all the extra details.

“Okay, fuck this. Sorry, I’m getting too far off topic.” You give him an embarrassed smile. You can see the relief in his eyes.

“I took him up to the roof after prom, where I had set up a bunch of Christmas lights and asked him for another dance. I had been practicing all week with Bro, just so I could actually lead him.”

“Oh?” He leans forward. You can’t fight the huge dorky smile you probably have on.

“We got really close and I _really_ wanted to kiss him and tell him how I felt so, I did. And he said he loved me back,” You sigh happily. “We kissed and then he asked me out.”

“Amazing. Only you two could do something that cheesy.”

“Sorry my love life ain’t all sex and lust, bud. I had to romance the stone. Woo my man. Make sweet love to his heart and make him warm up to me. I seriously don’t blame him. He had some shitty as fuck exes.”

“Like that Sollux guy, right? You two were constantly fighting.”

“Well he was always bothering Karkat!” You groan. Talking about Sollux always pisses you off; you’re even tensing up a bit.

“Was he?” John asks.

“Yeah. He’s so damn thirsty. And he had been trying to get Karkat back.”

“Well, he can’t now.” He hums thoughtfully.

“You’d think. Remember when Karkat and I pretended to date? Sollux was kissing his ass so bad, like he might as well have been eating it out.” You make a face. _Well, it was probably after your ‘breakup’ but whatever._

“Gross.”

“Exactly.”

“What a dick.” John says.

“A huge dick. After all he did to Karkat, and he still showed his face. I don’t know how Karkat dealt with him.” You shake your head.

“I’ll fight him.” John says.

“You’re not going to fight him.”

“If he tries to come between you and Karkat, hell yeah I will.”

“If anyone is going to fight him, it’s going to be me. He had his last warning. I don’t want Karkat to deal with him. He already hurt him enough. Sollux is just being selfish.”

“You almost got _expelled_ last year for fighting.” John gives you a concerned look.

“I didn’t say I’d fight him in school did I?”

“Well…no.”

“I just,” You sigh softly. “I don’t want him near Karkat anymore. I don’t want anyone who’s hurt him near him. Not Terezi, not Sollux, not his dad, not anyone.”

“His dad? I thought he lived with his brother?” John furrows his brows. _Fuck._ It isn’t any of John’s business, but honestly you’re starting to drown a bit carrying all this weight. You chew your lip and wonder if you can trust John enough.

“Do you need me to like, swear or something?” He asks. You look at him and decide you can. You nod very slightly.

“I’m going to tell you something…and you’re not going to tell another soul. I’m serious John. This is serious shit.”

“Like call the police serious?”

“Sort of, yeah. But, don’t actually do that.” You say. You don’t want Karkat to feel like you outed him, but you need to share with someone you trust so you can feel less _angry_ about it. John nods in agreement.

“I swear on my grave, I won’t tell a soul.”

“Alright.” You nod, trying to gather your thoughts into logical sounding statements. John offers you his hand after a moment. You look down at it and take it, giving it an angry little squeeze. John gently paps the back of your hand and you exhale a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding.

“So the guy would beat Karkat and Kankri. It got to the point where Kankri ran away from home and returned for Karkat once he was old enough to fight for full custody.”

“That… That’s horrible.” John whispers. You hunch your shoulders and curl inward. John gives you an awkward side hug and pats your shoulder.

“It’s not your fault. There’s nothing you can do about it, other than treating him right.” He says.

“I know but still… I want to believe there is something I could do.”

“You could always listen and be there for support. I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.”

“Yeah but, I feel like I don’t do shit for him like that. I want to do more. I want to keep all these shitty people far away from him. I don’t want him to think about them,” You pause. “Every now and then, he’ll freeze up and start sobbing. I think it’s because I did something that reminded him of _them_ and that fuckin’ sucks bro.”

“You could ask what you’re doing?” John suggests.

“It’s kind of obvious.” You whine. You always feel bad about it; since it’s something you enjoy doing with him. You also get a bit mad at yourself over it for being so selfish sometimes. All those sloppy make-outs with some feeling up, it’s just really nice.

“Do you punch him or something?” John asks.

“No!”

“Then?” He demands. You rest back against his bed, light blush rising to your face. You don’t exactly know how to respond and you are pushing down the nervous giggle fit that threatens to start.

“Do I have to fight you Dave? Is it that bad?” You take a deep breath, quelling the nerves and release it slowly.

“When we’re um…“being intimate”, sometimes I think it’s that I scratch at his back, or put my weight on him. I’m not even sure. Like, it’s only _sometimes_. I haven’t exactly picked up the pattern on it.” You groan at yourself. John listens quietly this time, nodding and waiting for you to continue.

“Like, last week, we sort of had a fight over it. Kind of. No, yeah. We fought.”

“Why?” John asks. You low-key feel like you’re talking to Rose now. You aren’t here to be psychoanalyzed, just share personal stuff without it being used against you. John nudges at your stomach and sides when you pause for too long.

“Whyyyyyyyy?” He whines as he jabs his fingers into you.

“So, we’ve been dating for a whole month. And, even before now, we’ve sort of y’know? Kissed and touched a bit. But not too much! More like in that zone of ‘Hey, is this alright. Do you like this? Do you like that?’.” You feel so red right now. You may talk and joke about it with your friends all the time before, but you’ve never really had much experience in this area until now.

“Right, an important step with important questions.” He nods.

“Well I kind of… cross lines? But not on purpose!”

“Dave!”

“Never on purpose bro I swear! Never. Like, the lines like to move. And one day, it’s alright to grab his ass and pull him close. And on another I can’t even _rest_ my hands on his back. Like, bro, John. How the _fuck_ am I supposed to know?” You whine.

“Ask?” John says in that tone of voice reserved for teaching children to not just take shit without permission. You roll your eyes.

“So we’re lying there and, y’know.” You look at the corner of his room

“You get frisky.” John supplies. You are as red as a fucking tomato now you just know it.

“Yes, we get frisky.” You whine and accept your fate.

“You wanna touch his tralala.”

“Stop.” _Jesus fucking tap-dancing Christ._

“His ding ding dong.” John snickers. You cover your face with your hands and groan. Your fingers find strands of your hair and tug lightly at them.

“I’m trying to be good John. I want to make him feel good and loved and… I’m just making this worse for him. Things were going all right. And I actually thought we’d find a good place to stop when were _both_ ready to stop. But instead of asking me to stop, he kind of, very awkwardly mind you, stopped kissing my neck and blew a damn raspberry on it. Like. Okay. Sure. If we were cuddling and shit, I wouldn’t mind. But no.” John taps against your hands and you retaliate by waving your arms around and looking over at him.

“Well, I get it.” He says.

“I was trying to be romantic or whatever. And he just, up and does that. I got mad bro. Yeah. I got upset. It was obvious he was up and done with me for the night. And that’s fine. That’s all fair. But I was a jerk.”

“Not really?”

“…Not really?”

“Well, the jerk part, probably. And I can’t really speak for him but sometimes when Vriska and I would be getting down, one of us would do that sometimes. It just meant to be like, for us at least, a ‘I love you and all, but I’m not really interested in going farther’. We would stop and figure out where the lines were and stay above it. Maybe even just stop all together and go back to cuddling and kissing.”

“I know it’s what I should probably take it as but… fuck, John. I stopped and he sat up a bit and kept kissing my cheek and shit.”

“Right. He was down for at least kisses, maybe not the rest of it.”

“Yeah, I know. But listen.” You tell him, sitting up a bit more. He ‘zips’ his lips and nods for you to continue.

“I didn’t even want to look at him. I was _pissed_. I was upset. And so he stops, looks up at me, and asks me ‘Is this okay?’.” You feel rather shitty and horrible about it now. John looks like he wants to say something, but keeping to his word he sits silently.

“Like, yes, thank you Karkat. I think all that now. ‘Babe, thank you for asking me how _I_ should be asking you’. But at the time, my damn response was, ‘Did you ever pull that shit on Sollux?’.”

“Dude!” John smacks at your stomach. “Don’t bring up exes like that!” You bite at your own knuckle and whine.

“I know! But I did. I asked that. And bro, John… He looked so fucking destroyed.” You run your hands through your hair.

“You broke his heart.”

“I asked him that… _I_ did that,” You feel sick to your stomach. “He got up, obviously to leave. And I grabbed his arm and tugged him back. That was strike two. He swatted me away and I let go, but I didn’t drop the question.”

“Davvvveeee.” Whines John.

“He told me it was none of my business. And of course, I told him it was. He’s my boyfriend now and it’s my business.”

“Dude.”

“…We argued back and forth. Until, god help me, I asked him if he slept with someone else before.”

“Dave!” John yells. You whine loudly, tugging harshly at your hair. John grabs your wrists and gently pulls at your fingers, making you let go of the strands. You let your hands go limp as he pulls them away from your hair, so used to Karkat doing it to you and not wanting to hurt him. John sets your hands in your lap.

“…Have you apologized?” He asks you, letting go of your wrists. You nod very slightly, but it’s enough for him to catch it.

“That’s good.” He says.

“I did it almost instantly.”

“And?”

“It was an awkward mess. I low-key wanted to know, but also didn’t want to. And it seemed as if he wanted to tell me something, but he just didn’t have the words. He looked _so_ uncomfortable and it was my fault.” You sigh.

“Isn’t English like his second language or something?” John asks.

“Yeah. I… I forget that sometimes. Maybe he really couldn’t get in contact with his English vocabulary or something.” You chuckle sadly and run your fingers through your hair again. You look over at John who nods in agreement.

“Well, I got up and apologized. I went to leave but he grabbed my arm and looked at me. The second I saw tears forming up in his eyes… Bro… I did that. I fucking did _that_ to him. And I’m the same person who wants to keep jerks away from him. Just as quickly as we started the fight, I pulled him into my arms and I just held him. I mean, what else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t leave him.” You look up at John’s ceiling, staring at the corner that still had little glow in the dark stars from when you were kids.

“I couldn’t leave him if he wanted me to stay. So we sat back down and didn’t talk at all. We just held each other. I felt like a huge piece of recycled horse shit.”

“I bet.” John says. You close your eyes and drop your head back against his mattress. John rubs your shoulder in a reassuring manner.

“We haven’t done anything since then. I’m scared to. But, I can tell it’s bothering him. Now he’s the one in my lap and I’m the one blowing raspberries.” You say.

“You really need to talk to him about it.” John advises.

“I know. I just thought it was what he wanted. Y’know, to stop doing that sort of thing?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” John says. You whine and flop against your side on the floor. John hums and looks deep in thought for a moment or two.

“…You said his dad hurt him,” He starts, pausing to gather the words back up. “There’s many ways to hurt someone. It could be _one_ reason the line kept changing.”

“What are you sayin’?” You look at him.

“Look, I don’t know anything about him, so I could be completely wrong. But um… Maybe he was… y’know? By his dad?” John rubs his arm, rather uncomfortable with the whole thing. You know exactly what John is implying and it makes your stomach get twisted in all kinds of knots.

“Bro. No. Don’t say that.” You sit up.

“If not his dad, it could’ve been someone else.” John says, wringing his hands.

“John shut up!” You snap at him. You don’t want to think about it, you really don’t. But now the thought is there and you know it’s going to bother you until you eventually, and uncomfortably, ask Karkat about it. You cover your mouth and really truly hope that it didn’t happen.

“…He mentioned Terezi would do shit without him wanting it. That counts, right?” You ask softly. John nods. _Oh fuck._ You are shaking ever so slightly from this.

“And Sollux once told him he’d…” You trail off. You grab at the sides of your hair. The weights of those actions are hitting you very hard right now. You knew, but didn’t want to realize it perhaps. You don’t know. You aren’t a psychologist. John grabs at your wrists again.

“And then I go and do shit _like_ that to him. John. John, fuck!”

“Breathe.” He says. You are tearing up.

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Breathe.”

“What if I just remind him of all his shitty exes? What if _I’m_ a shitty ex!?” You can feel your chest constrict around you, forcing you to draw in ragged breaths.

“Stop. You’re still together, therefor not an ex, for one thing.” John says.

“I’m not going to stay with him if I’m hurting him.” You tug harshly at your hair.

“Stop that.” John tugs at your hands. You bite your lip hard and let go of your hair. Karkat wouldn’t want you doing it either. John brings your hands close to his chest and you sniffle.

“Now, breathe.” He tells you. You try, but you just can’t. System malfunction, timing needs recalibration. All that good shit. John takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. He keeps this slow pace and you manage to follow his pattern. Deep in, one two three, slow out, four five six seven eight.

            The two of you do this for a few moments, John rubbing your hands gently and guiding you through the breathing process. You wonder if he had learned how to do this after the last panic attack you had at his house. Either way, it’s comforting and you find yourself much calmer now.

“Okay?” John asks. You nod after a moment, releasing the tension in your shoulders and focusing on relaxing your face.

“Now, are you happy with him?” He lets go of your hands. You nod and wipe at your eyes under your shades.

“I’m very happy with him. So happy.”

“And he’s happy with you?”

“God I hope so.”

“Then breaking up is dumb, so don’t.” John says. You didn’t really want to anyway now that you can think properly. You nod and give John a sad smile.

“As for reminding him of shitty people, you _really_ need to talk to him.”

“Yeah huh? There’s no way out of it.” You say.

“Maybe I’m wrong and he’s just scared and nervous, and doesn’t want to make you feel shitty by telling you ‘no’.” John nods.

“Yeah. Maybe he’s a poor virgin stable boy who doesn’t know how he’ll tame all this knight.” You say, gesturing to your whole body. John rolls his eyes and groans softly but agrees with you nonetheless.

“I’ll try talking to him when I get home tomorrow, or the next day.”

“Don’t push though, if he’s not ready to talk about it.” He says.

“Yeah, I know.” You play with your fingers. You aren’t exactly sure how to even bring up the topic in a subtle way, and you have no idea how to keep it going gently either.

“Just kind of be like, ‘Hey babe? We should talk about lines. I want to know yours better so we can both be comfortable.’ Y’know?” He says like a freakin’ mind reader. You’re thankful though.

“Yeah… What if you’re right John?” You look over at him.

“Then follow his lines and know they change just like anyone else’s. Just be respectful and make sure you ask if the things you’re doing are okay.” He shrugs. You chew your lip and think it over. _Treat him no differently than you would have before,_ you remind yourself.

“Like, if you go from kissing to touching all over his chest and shit, make sure it’s okay. Like,” He reaches out and rests his hand gently on your chest. “‘This okay?’”

“The thing is that I know it’s what I should do, but I’m worried it’ll ruin the mood.” You admit.

“It won’t. It’s nice. It will make him feel safe and you won’t have to worry about accidentally crossing lines. Also, there’s like, plenty of ways you can ask. For example,” He leans forward, giving you bedroom eyes and using _that_ tone of voice, “Can I go down on you baby~?” You snort loudly and cackle. John laughs and you playfully shove his face away from you. _What a dork._

“Shut up.” He says.

“Okay, yeah, I guess.”

“Besides, imagine if Karkat had said that to you. It doesn’t kill the mood _at all_ to ask.” John smiles. And of course you imagine it. Karkat after making out with you, face flushed and voice just a bit gravely asking you sweetly like that. _That would be nice._ You turn beet red and look away from John. Gosh, you can feel it on your ears.

“See?” He says.

“Shut up!” You shout, embarrassed.

“You nasty,” He laughs. “And if he says no, it’s nothing against you, or what you’re doing, or the mood. He just doesn’t want that particular part.”

“Yeah.” You smile and nod. _Look at your dorky friend, he’s so smart._ John gives you his signature dorky grin.

“Thanks bro.” You say.

“Always.” He nods, offering up his fist. You tap your knuckles against his. _Bunp._ He hums happily and you smile back at him. The two of you finally pick up your controllers again, ready to get back into the match.

“Miss Spider Queen is lucky to have such a caring boytoy.” You roll your shoulders.

“…We broke up.” John says after a moment. You look over at him so fast, you about gave yourself whiplash.

“What?! When?? Why?” You never guessed you’d be so upset to hear about it. John shrugs a shoulder.

“A while ago, like near the start of summer.”

“Bro, I’m sorry.”

“S’fine.”

“Really thought the eighth time would be the charm.” You say.

“Too bad she didn’t get the joy of breaking my heart for the eighth time. _I_ broke up with her.” He says. Your eyes widen.

“Damn! Now it’s your turn to tell your tale.”

“Well for one thing, it was partially to prove a point.” He says, leaning back against the bed.

“To who?”

“She said she’d doubt I’d ever be able to let go of her. It made me think about stuff between us.”

“Aw shit.” You cover your mouth and listen.

“She could be so nice and caring to me, but she didn’t treat you guys nicely. Especially Kanaya, I don’t know why but she was pretty mean to her. How can someone who’s nice to me be so horrible to my friends? Unless they want something. And like, _everything_ had to be in eights. Which is fine and all, but sometimes it was really hard to get. Like flowers in a bouquet.” He sighs and looks over at you. You smirk at him and wiggle your eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah. That too.” He rolls his eyes in response. You wrap an arm around his shoulder and rest against him slightly.

“She broke up with me seven times… And when we’d get back together it was like it never happened.”

“We kind of told you bro.” You say.

“I know.”

“We figured you were happy so you kept going back to her. That’s why we stopped saying.”

“I _was_. But I just got tired of being played around.”

“Well, I’m glad you got a better idea of what you wanted.” You say, giving him a side hug/squeeze combo.

“Yeah… Maybe if she really cares about me, _she’ll_ be the one to try again.” He says.

“Maybe.”

“If not then…her loss, right?” He looks over at you.

“Totally.” You say. He gives you a sad smile and you ruffle his hair. You have an idea, and it’s going to be great and he won’t expect it.

“Who doesn’t want to date a hot stud like my best bro? Athletic, romantic, probably has stamina to go for hours not minutes.” You say.

“You did.” He snorts softly.

“Shh, none of that now.” You tell him, getting up and walking over to his window. He laughs and you open it up to the expanse of his suburban neighborhood.

“What are you doing?” He asks, coming over to you. You take a nice deep breath and lean out the window.

“LINE UP LADIES! WE GOT A FRESH HOT STUD RIGHT HERE, YES RIGHT HERE, GOOD STUD, FINE STUD INDEED!” You shout at the top of your lungs.

“Dave!” John screeches, wrapping his arms around your waist and trying to tug you away from the window. You cling to its frame.

“HE’S SMART, DORKY, AND WILL GO DOWN ON YOU ON THE THIRD DATE!” You continue.

“Stop it! My dad is home!” John yells. You laugh at yourself and let go of the window, John quickly pulling you away.

“Grandmas live here!” He tells you.

“Well they and your dad will be proud to know that you can hold your breath for about eight whole minutes.” You say. John slams his window shut, face redder than anything you’ve seen on him before. You laugh and tug him into a tight, manly bro hug.

“I love you bro. Don’t change in Washington.” You say. He pauses for a moment before squeezing you.

“Yeah.” He finally says. You smile and squeeze him back before letting him go. He drops his arms and you both look at each other for a moment or two.

“If you do that the first day back at school, I’m kicking your ass.” He says.

“No promises,” You chuckle, going back to grab your controller. “We’ll probably auction you off.”

“Oh my god.” He whines.

“How about this,” You start.

“Hmm?” He looks over at you.

“If I win this next round, I do as I please the first day of school. If _you_ win, well, I’ll give you a piggy back ride all of the first day.” Your back is already crying at the idea. John sits down and gathers his controller back in his hands.

“You’re on.” He says. You smile over at him and unpause the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	31. Teal Ribbons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really heavy chapter, please take care of yourselves before/after reading if needed.
> 
> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Physical Intimacy  
> \- Domestic Abuse  
> \- Emotional Abuse  
> \- Attempts at Self-Harm  
> \- Physical Abuse  
> \- Mentions of Rape  
> \- Mentions of Molestation  
> \- Mentions of Sexual Abuse  
> \- Past Relationships  
> \- Mentions of Abusive Relationships  
> \- Gendered Slur  
> \- Kinkshaming  
> \- Mentions of Sex  
> \- Mentions of Sexual Activities  
> \- Mentions of Incest  
> \- Both author and beta cried while typing and reviewing

            You’re a horrible boyfriend, sending Karkat text after text, heart emoji after heart emoji, not letting him do his work. You know it makes him smile because he sends you double the hearts you send him. You want to be good to him just how he is to you, but in order to do that you two need to have a very serious talk. Karkat probably thinks you want to take him out to make up for your fight earlier because you keep asking him when he gets off and telling him to make it home already. You don’t want to wait until he gets here to kill his hopes for a nice date, so you let him know _now_ that you need to have a talk with him.

            After that, it’s not the same. His replies take longer and there is a significant decrease in the emojis. He’s upset and it’s your fault once again. You don’t blame him though. You’d be worried and upset too if you were at work, unable to leave, and Karkat having sent you a message saying ‘We should talk’.

            The closer it gets to the end of Karkat’s shift, the more knots form in your stomach. You have to be the strong one this time. Karkat carried you for two months, now it’s your turn to be the one who reminds him that you’re here to help too. You pace the room, chewing up your lip and rubbing your neck and shoulders.

“We got this.” You say quietly to yourself. Karkat should be here any moment now. You end up pacing through your whole apartment, picking things up and setting them somewhere else just to do something while you wait. You hear a soft knock at your door, and you walk over and open it up.

“Hey.” You say to Karkat. He shifts a bit awkwardly on his feet.

“Hey.”

“My room?” You suggest as you pull the door open wider to let him in. He steps inside and sets his bag on the couch. He nods as you close the door. You walk over to him, peck his cheek, and then lead the way to your room. You nudge your bedroom door mostly shut once you’re both in, leaving it open just a bit to keep Karkat from feeling trapped. Karkat sits on your bed. He’s nervous looking to all hell. You sit next to him and wrap him up in your arms.

“I’m not breaking up with you. I love you and you make me happy, so get that thought out of your head first,” You peck the corner of his lips. “Alright?”

“Yeah.” He says, giving you a quick peck back. You cup his face in your hands and fix this pecking situation by gently kissing his lips. He smiles softly against yours and lets out a sigh.

“I love you so much.” You whisper to him.

“I love you too.” He gives you a sad smile. You rub your noses together

“That’s why I want to take good care of you. Not just because you deserve it, but because I love you enough to do so.” He chuckles quietly.

“Alright. So, that’s what you want to talk about? Seriously Dave, I thought you were going to break up with me.” He pouts up at you.

“I’m getting there, the topic.” You kiss his pout away. Karkat nods and pulls his legs up onto your bed, crisscrossing his legs.

“I love your kisses. And all those touches you give me? A plus.” You tell him. A light blush spreads out across his face. It’s adorable and almost throws you off track. _Focus Strider._

“But I… I need to know um…” _Where are your words?_

“You need to know what?”

“Where it’s okay to touch you, and like when.” You finally manage to say.

“Um, what?” Karkat scoffs and chuckles nervously.

“Like, where,” You gesture to his body. “Is it okay to touch?”

“Um. Well… All of me is fine? You’ve gotten your hands on most places.” He tilts his head slightly, not really understanding the question you guess. You shake your head; you know that his answer isn’t true.

“…Do you want more?” Karkat asks hesitantly.

“You stop me from touching a good portion of you.” You tell him. He goes silent and looks down at his lap.

“And that’s fine. I just want to know, what’s allowed and what’s not. Like, can I only touch your butt at home? Or on Mondays only? Y’know?” You try to clarify. He shakes his head.

“I… I’m telling you, it’s all fine? Like, go for it? Or? I don’t know. I don’t know what to tell you? You know I don’t like PDA. But here, with just us, um…”

“Like, okay, for example, we’re making out. We’re here on the bed, the door is shut. What can I touch?”

“Um. Kisses are all fine and um, my sides. My butt is fine too? Everything is? Maybe? It’s fine.”

“Everything isn’t fine. I know that. One day I can run my hands along your back, the next day no.” You tell him. He stares at his hands in his lap, chewing his lip and clearly thinking these things over.

“Some days, maybe thighs. Sometimes not even a tap. I know for sure I can’t scratch at you, you wig out when I do it. And that’s cool if you’re not into it. I just need to know, so I don’t hurt you… Or pressure you into something you don’t want.” You say. Karkat runs one hand through his hair, the other tightly gripping at his thigh.

“Do you want more?”

“I want to make you comfortable. I want to know where to stop. Where you want to stop.” You are running out of ways to explain what you’re asking for. Karkat is deep in thought again.

“I like you. Everything’s fine. You can try what you want. I’ll figure it out then. I like it. I like you. It’s fine. Things are fine.” He says, starting to sound a bit panicky at the end.

“But it’s not. Just because you like me, doesn’t mean you _have_ to go along with touches. You don’t _have_ to sleep with me. You don’t _have_ to do anything you don’t want.” You tell him. You don’t really like what he was saying implies about his thoughts on the whole subject of sex. He looks up at you, confusion evident in his eyes.

“Karkat if… If I touched you and you didn’t want it…” You trail off.

“I do though! I’ve liked it. You’ve always stopped.”

“But I want to know _where_ to stop. So I’m not always pushing it, so I’m not constantly doing something that makes you uncomfortable.”

“But I like you and it’s fine.” He digs his nails into his thigh. You take his hands in yours and lace your fingers together.

“It doesn’t matter if you like me or not. If I make you uncomfortable I need to know what I did.” You say. Karkat is shaking slightly, breathing unevenly and getting a bit teary eyed.

“I need to know so I don’t do it again. Do you understand?” You ask. He closes his eyes and squeezes your hands.

“I hate it when you trace my scars! I know you do it to be nice and sweet but I hate it!” He shouts.

“Okay. I’ll stop.” You nod. He opens his eyes, looking surprised at himself. It must have been the final straw for him, as he starts crying softly. He takes his hands back to cover his face up.

“I’ll stop touching them.” You promise, rubbing his shoulder gently. His hands slide upwards and grip at his hair.

“No, not that.” You take his hands again.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I like or that it changes.”

“It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing, or it changing.”

“I don’t know. When you do it, it’s nice. It’s really nice.” He says.

“But?”

“But sometimes you’ll do it in a certain way and it’ll rip me away from you and remind me of–” He cuts himself off with a soft sob. He yanks his hands away from yours to curl up and buries them in his hair once more. You simply lean forwards and grab his hands again, holding them close to your chest.

“I knew I was fucked up. I’m fucked up.” He says.

“You’re not fucked up.”

“I am!” He sniffles, refusing to look at you.

“No you’re not.”

“We’ve tried to fix me but we can’t! I don’t know shit about myself. I’m so fucking disgusting.”

“No you’re not. You’re not disgusting.”

“I’m all used up and I’m fucking filth.” Karkat grips and tugs at his hair. He then claws at his scalp and neck. You bump your forehead against his and tug at his wrists.

“Stop that. You don’t let me do it.” You tell him. He fights you back for his hands but you just tighten your grip on them. He freezes up and you pull his hands away, kissing the knuckles in apology.

“Don’t do that…please.” He whispers softly.

“Alright. Promise me you’ll stop?” You loosen your hold anyway.

“Don’t… Don’t grab me like that. Please, let go Dave.”

“Promise to stop hurting yourself.”

“Dave, let go.” He cries.

“I will once you do…” You’re barely holding them right now anyways. “I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He takes his hands back and covers his face and sobs harshly.

“I don’t want you to hurt me.” He says between breaths.

“I don’t want to hurt you either.” You say. You’re getting teary eyed from all this. You let him have his moment to cry, unsure if to hold him or not.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He repeats over and over.

“Shhh.” You gently try patting his knee. He hiccups and sniffles.

“S-sorry I get like this. That I’m a mess, and even after past relationships I don’t know what I want or like,” He rubs his arms. “But I know that I love you and that I like it when it’s you.” You rest your hand on his.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize.”

“I’m fucked up.”

“No you’re not.” You shake your head. Karkat nods and wipes at his face. He wraps his arms around himself tightly. You remember the other day about what John had suggested about Karkat’s dad. Your stomach churns at the thought.

“Um, Karkat? Were you…” You trail off. You don’t really want to ask, it’s not something he has to share with you if he doesn’t want to. At the same time, you want to ask because it would help you treat him the way he needs. You wish you knew _how_ to though. Karkat looks up at you, wiping snot off his face.

“Did your dad ever um… touch you like _that?_ ” You settle for.

“…W-what? No!” He says after a moment.

“Terezi?”

“…I already told you all about her and that. Yeah, but no Dave.”

“Sollux?” You ask. He doesn’t respond but the tears start back up again. _Fuck Sollux. Like seriously. Fuck that guy._

“I’ll hunt him down. I don’t give two fucks.” You spit out between clenched teeth.

“Don’t.” Karkat looks up at you.

“If he hurt you like that, I will. I swear.”

“Dave no. He…He didn’t. It wasn’t them.” He says softly.

“But you were… Right?” You ask. He hiccups and looks away from you. He covers his mouth and your heart breaks just a bit.

“I promise I won’t think any less of you. You fuckin’ _survived_ that,” You say, blinking rapidly to clear the tears in your eyes. “If I can ask, you don’t have to answer but, do you know who it was?” He shakes his head no after a moment and shakes with quiet sobs. You want to wrap him up in a warm blanket and hold him close. You want to rub his back like he does to you when you break down. You try to think of _something_ to help comfort him.

“…You were like a kid, and that’s scary shit. Even for adults. It’s okay to not remember, to not know.” You say.

“Dad sold me. He practically sold me,” His voice cracks. “But I do. I _do_ remember.”

“Nnn?” You open your arms up to him. He leans just a bit towards you but doesn’t really move more than that.

“I remember.” He whispers. You wrap your arms around him and let him curl up tight in your arms. You scoot closer to him and hold him close.

“He owed money and he let them have me instead. I remember the first time, the second, the third. Beyond that, it’s a blur. I don’t know who they were, but I know their faces.” He says. You pet his hair and press a kiss against his scalp. It breaks your heart more to hear him tell you the story.

“I know their voices and where they traced.” He sobs loudly, and grips his hair again. You gently tap at his wrists to remind him to stop. He clings to the front of your shirt instead.

“When you touch me it’s so different. You’re so nice. It’s so soft. It’s like you’re afraid I’ll break and you’re _right!_ I probably am close to breaking. Sollux never bothered to ask,” _Asshole._ “Terezi never cared if it hurt,” _Bitch_. “How the fuck am I supposed to believe you when you do?!” He hiccups.

“Because I’m not like them.” You rub his back carefully.

“Mom didn’t care. Dad always hated me. Kankri came back too late. How do I tell myself that you won’t leave, that you care, that you’re here with me?” He says. You nod and let him continue to get this all out. He trembles in your arms.

“It’s hard. It’s unfair, I know, but how Dave? I mean it when I say that I like your kisses, your touches. But there’s time I just can’t… I can’t have you touch me and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You mumble into his ear, gently rocking him side to side.

“I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m fucked up. I’m used and I’m filthy.”

“You’re not. Stop calling yourself that, please. It’s not true. I mean, if _you’re_ filthy or dirty, the hell does it make _me_?” You ask. He looks up at you, wiping his face. You brush the hair out of his eyes. _You aren’t crying, your face is just leaking._

“You’re the fool who fell in love with a huge jerk…” Karkat says.

“You’re not a jerk.” You mumble.

“…I’m scared.” He says.

“And that’s okay.” You tell him. He sighs shakily and rests his forehead against your chest.

“I told Kankri. After Dad was locked up and I could call this place home.” You nod and pet his hair, listening.

“He took me to his office… They help people like me there.”

“That’s good. Not everyone can get the help they might need.” You kiss his forehead.

“I went to all my appointments. Even made a friend there. I got better and I thought I had been ‘cured’. But I guess I’ve been having a harder time than I thought… The ram helps.” You chuckle softly as he mentions it. You think you've seen it in his room before.

“That ram plush in your room?”

“Yeah, the red one,” He says wiping his eyes, “It belonged to a girl who went to the offices with her sister. She gave it to me when I had a breakdown in the waiting room…” He shares as he rests his head on your chest.

“Well, either way, it’s not like it’s some disease.” You say.

“I know, but it feels like it sometimes. It’s like a rash. It leaves, comes back, it itches and hard to get rid of once more.”

“It’s fine though. I’ll rub some good tender love and affection on it when wanted.” You say rubbing his back. He nods and gives you a small smile.

“It’s fine to have days where you don’t want me touching you, especially in that manner. But you gotta tell me so I don’t hurt you. The only kind of ‘hurt’ I will allow is the, “I just got fucked _so good_ ” kind. “So good and I _liked it_ ”. Alright?” You look down at him. He turns a lovely shade of red and hides his face in your chest.

“Promise to tell me?” You ask. He nods and looks up at you.

“I promise.” He says. You lean down and press a small kiss to his nose. He gives you a small smile in return.

“You have to tell me too.” He says.

“I will, I promise.” You tell him. He rests his head back against your chest and hums. You run your fingers through his hair.

“Thank you.” You say.

“Please be patient with me…”

“I will, I will, I will.” You tap his nose with a finger. He smiles and hugs you tightly. You wrap your arms back around him.

“I might whine and pout, but I will. Just ‘cause I can be a horny teen doesn’t mean I can’t _hand_ le it on my own.” You say. He laughs softly and wipes at his eyes. You press a kiss to his forehead.

“You must have Allstate insurance. ‘Cause you’re in good hands.” He says. You laugh and rub his sides. He sighs and relaxes into your touch.

“Watch, the first time we do it, it’s gonna be like, four or five years from now.”

“Oh my god, Dave.”

“Potentially engaged.” You add.

“The engagement part is nice.” He smiles.

“I’m going to stuff the room full of candles, the non-scented kind because there’s going to be a shit ton.” You say.

“I don’t think I want to be a virgin at twenty-two.” Karkat rolls his eyes but laughs softly at the idea.

“Fuckin’ smooth jazz tunes will be playing.”  
  
“Oh my god.” He says with a large smile.

“Maybe ‘Oh Yeah’ by Yello for shits and giggles. Obviously, it’s going to be for my striptease.” You shrug a shoulder. He covers his face to smother another laugh. You smile at him and continue to describe it.

“And like, the bed will have like, silk sheets.”

“Heart shaped?” He asks.

“Fuck yeah.”

“Covered in rose petals?”

“Definitely. Roses fucking exploded everywhere in there. Petals on the ground, on the bed, on the dresser, probably on our skin because sweat.” You say. He chuckles and you take his hand in yours, pressing kisses to his knuckles and wrist.

“And it’ll be sweet, gentle, kiss you all over, and make you feel good. Feel beautiful. Feel _damn_ sexy.” You say. His blush is a nice shade of red and you don’t think you’ve ever seen a smile look so dorky on him before. You smile back at him and hold him close.

“And we’ll make some of the sweetest love the world’s ever seen. Because, y’know, the planet is a voyeur. Nasty planet. Gotta kinkshame the whole planet now.”

“Dave!” Karkat smacks at you gently, laughing. He makes up for it by hugging you close once more.

“And in the moment, time will stand still. Just for us. In the morning, we’ll look around at the mess we’ve made and laugh. I’ll make you some breakfast in bed and then cuddle the shit out of you.” You say.

“Cuddles sound really nice right now.”

“I can definitely do that now.” You say, tipping you both backward onto the mattress. He smiles and curls up in your chest.

“Thank you… Thank you so much Dave.” He says.

“Thank you for trusting me. And for loving me for some reason?”

“You’re easy to love.”

“And so are you.”

“Especially when you treat me like this, with so much love and respect.” He says. You comb your fingers through his hair and nod.

“And when you’re being so damn _cheesy_.” He whines.

“It’s easy.” You shrug.

“I see you’ve learned from my rom-coms.”

“Obviously,” You hum. “I took notes remember?”

“Mhmm.” He kisses your chin and shifts a bit. He curls up along your side, making you the little spoon in this situation. You don’t mind.

“I love you.” You tell him.

“I love you too.” He kisses your shoulder and holds you close to him. He buries his face in your neck and you wrap an arm around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know April is the month of sexual abuse and sexual violence awareness month! 
> 
> \--
> 
> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	32. Come One, Cum All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Public Humiliation  
> \- Back to School  
> \- Shipping  
> \- PDA  
> \- Physical Affection  
> \- Sexual Conduct  
> \- Sloppy Makeouts  
> \- Whoops Where Did My Shirt Go?  
> \- Bro Strider  
> \- Puppets  
> \- Mentions of Dub-Con  
> \- Adult Objects  
> \- Sexual Humor  
> \- The Sex Talk

            Summer is finally over, much to many cries of disappointment amongst the student body. And with it being the first day of the new school year, you and Karkat show up on campus earlier than usual to get your new schedules which are being handed out at the cafeteria, and quickly get out. You also show up early to find Nepeta. Since you kicked John's ass at Smash, you decided that you were going to auction this boy off and you enlisted the help of one Leijon and her small crew of shippers.

            You find her shortly after receiving your schedule. She gives you a wide smile and opens her bag to show you the flyers, business cards, and tape contained within. _This cat does not fool around_. You approve of the designs and she gives you an excited noise in response, and rushes to put some of the flyers up.

            Karkat finally gets out of the mass of students, schedule in his hand. You finally glance down at your sheet of paper and compare it to his. It looks like you don't even have lunch together. You frown a bit, but brighten up when you see he's the TA for your Spanish teacher. In fact, Karkat TA's for him three different times. _Amazing._

            You take him by the hand and lead him to the small table in the middle of the courtyard. You wave John and Jade over once they have their papers. Rose shows up shortly after with Kanaya, Equius, and Nepeta. _Purrfect_.

            You hop on to the top of the table and grab John by the arm. You tug him up to stand with you. He gives you a curious look that only amplifies when Equius hands you a megaphone. You can read Feferi's name scrawled on one side of it in magenta ink, the school flag painted on the other. You tell John to strike a pose and turn the megaphone on.

"Attention ladies! May I have your attention please!" You yell into it. Several students stop and give you a curious stare. John immediately begins begging you to stop.

"May I have all the single ladies looking for a hot stud, please direct your attention to this man right here!" You gesture to John who screeches helpfully. Some girls giggle softly behind their hands, others roll their eyes and continue.

"He's Mister John Egbert, first string and our best linebacker, most likely to be voted class clown but has a heart of gold! He will woo you with cheesy movie lines, flowers you happen to like, gifts that will throw you off because he remembered that time in 7th grade when you wanted a tamagotchi and gets you one now! He is a sweetheart, he will make you feel like you are his stars in the night sky, and can hold his breath for around 8 minutes! Feel free to interpret that how you want! He's single, ready to mingle! If you are interested please hand off your phone numbers to me, John, or one of the lovely people standing here in front of me!" You quickly stop as teachers are now flocking toward you. John is a nice tomato red and if you look in the crowd, you can see one very pissed off spider queen. _Oh well, you have to remind her it’s her loss_.

            You hand Equius back the megaphone and he disappears into the crowd seamlessly with it. You hop off the table and take a few numbers given to you. You gather them up with your friends and safely secure them in a small baggie to throw at John later.

            For now though, the bell rings and you dodge the teachers with the rush of the crowds. You sneak off with Karkat down the hallway to your first class. You peck his cheek and let him take off to his. Rose waves goodbye to Kanaya and looks over at you. She busts into hard laughter and you can't help but laugh back, especially after she starts snorting. If you two don’t die of laughter now, then John can have both your heads later for that episode of the bachelor.

            You move from class to class. Eventually ending at lunch. John has several flyers he tore down in his backpack. You tell him that is quite rude of him and he flips you off. Jade snickers and almost chokes on her food when you tell her about SpiderBitch giving you death glares in the hallways. John just groans.

            In fourth, Nepeta and Equius join you at your table and happily announce that they have already gone through some of the numbers they were given. Nepeta determined some rather good potential dates for John which she already has filed down on a little blue notebook. You bump her fist when she offers it. You are glad the three of you are being much friendlier now. Equius also comments on how a couple of guys had thrown their numbers in as well, which makes you almost die laughing.

                        Fifth you have with John, who doesn't nearly find it as funny as you did. He whines loudly and tries to hide his face in his textbook. You sit through Spanish class together and try your hardest not to stare at Karkat who walks around and helps students out. It's hard.

            Sixth is boring. You're relieved when the final bell rings. You go and meet Karkat by his new locker which he is still having a hard time remembering the combination to. You wait until he’s done switching what he needs around before taking his hand in yours, lacing your fingers together and walking home. No one seems to notice or care anymore. You're thankful, but you have no doubts that it won’t last long.

            You two collapse on your couch in the living room, tired and hungry. This is a horrible age for you two. You gained like twenty pounds this summer and grew almost five inches taller. You’re always tired and always hungry, but right now you have a greater need. You want to cuddle up with your boyfriend, resting and eating can wait.

            He happily wraps you up in his arms when you scoot a bit closer. Now you can really say that you’re home, now that you are all snug as a bug in a rug, in a nice big hug. Karkat runs his fingers through your hair and you sigh against his chest. The soft tugs from him combing his fingers through a few knots and his lips against your temple send a soft shiver down your spine. Which reminds you, you two still didn't put lines down. Instead of waiting, and possibly forgetting about it later, you decide to ask him about it now.

"Hey babe, we still need to talk about lines. Lines that are very clear and in focused, not at all blurred."

“I’m aware that neither of us wants to be the next Robin Thicke, but is this really the time for that?” He whines softly and rests his chin on your head.

“I just don’t want to be in a nice position later and ruin the mood later by asking then.” You know John told you there were ways to ask that won’t kill anything, but you’re not sure you can pull that off yet.

“Aw, such a caring boyfriend” He covers his mouth and gasps softly, “I see where your priorities are.” He says as he gives you a soft glare and wiggles out from under you. You whine softly and roll off him. That was so not the message you wanted to give off.

“My priority is making sure you’re comfortable and safe when you’re with me.” You confess softly. You know he must have heard you because you catch him smiling as he grabs his bag and moves towards your room. You hope he knows you mean it. Yeah, you’re curious to see, to feel, but that can all come after Karkat trusts you better.

            You catch up with Karkat in your room and pick up around your desk before taking a seat on your computer chair since Karkat has made most of your bed his domain and you know you’ll have to whine and pout to get a spot for yourself.

“What about you? Where are your lines, huh?” Karkat asks as he sits up on your bed.

“Uh,” you think about it a bit while you slowly spin in your chair.

“That’s what I thought, you don’t know either!” Karkat points and incriminating finger at you and you roll your eyes at him.

“Well you’re really the only person to have ever touched me like _that_. So yeah, you’re right, I don’t have a clear idea either.”

“Wait, I thought you had a three-day boyfriend before me?”

“Yeah and those three days don’t come close to the time I’ve already spent with you.” You turn in your chair to face Karkat. He’s not looking your way, but you see that soft blush and small smile. You really hope he knows you mean it.

            You hum softly to yourself and look for paper and markers in your desk. You can feel Karkat looking at your back, trying to figure out what you’re up to now.

“We should totally draw diagrams,” you say as you draw three figures for yourself on one paper and another three for Karkat on another with a black pen.

“A diagram? As in pie charts and line graphs?”

“More of ourselves and color in where things may be alright to touch and shit.” You quickly fill out the figure which you wrote “Strangers” on top of so you can show him what you mean.

            You roll your chair over to him and set down your paper on his lap. You point at your color code chart and explain why that’s how you prefer it.

“Alright so I used red for ‘no’, yellow for ‘meh’ and green for ‘alright/fine’.” You point at your chart and look up at Karkat. He seems to get it just fine and he nods along with your explanation.

“So a stranger could come up to me and rest their hand on my arm to grab my attention, but I’d hate it if they rested their hand on my shoulder,” you fill out the figure accordingly and Karkat nods, “It’s be awkward as fuck if they tried to touch my thighs and chest, but I’m alright with them touching my hands but not exactly taking them.” You chuckle softly and fill out the rest of that figure and move on to the one you labeled “friend/family”.

            Karkat seems to have gotten a clear idea of what you’d like so he takes the other paper with his three figures and takes the other three markers. He makes his own color code chart and starts to fill out his “Strangers” figure. It’s all in purple, which he wants to signify “no”. Amazing.

            You roll back to your desk to avoid pressuring Karkat in any way and to finish filling out your last figure as well. You’re dabbing and smudging your finger against the green and yellow ink in an attempt of blending both colors. You are honestly surprised at how much yellow there is. You thought you would be using a lot more green for your “lover” figure.

            There are a lot of places where you don’t mind Karkat touching but you suppose most will depend on the gesture and the motives behind each touch? Like, you don’t mind Karkat resting his hands on your thighs while watching a movie, but you might freak out a bit if he started kneading your inner thigh in public.

            You peek back at Karkat to try to get an idea of what you should consider for your figure, but you guess he’s having a harder time than you are. His “lover” figure is completely blank and he’s staring at the thing as if it were his college’s entrance exam. You put your paper down and walk over to him when you see him tangle his fingers in his hair. _Nope_. You’re not even going to give him the chance to start tugging at those dark locks.

“I don’t want to say yes to something and then change my mind about it.” He tells you softly as he hands you his figures and lets go of his hair.

“That’s fine. Maybe try coloring it with what you would be down for right now?” You suggest.

“Just right now?”

“Yeah, right here, right now.” You take his hand and play with his knuckles while he leans back a bit and hums thoughtfully.

“Well right now, right-now, I would say absolutely nothing. Nada. All no.” You let go of his hand when he says that and he chuckles softly.

“But it would be easy to change that.” He hums.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean my answer might be very different if you turned up your charm” He tilts his head and glances away from you.

            You hum softly to yourself and gently cup his cheek. You carefully tilt his head so that he’s facing you and brush his hair out of his face. He softly chews on his bottom lip and you can’t help staring. You glance up at his eyes and you catch him staring right back at you.

“So the only way to know what you’d be comfortable with right now is by trying something right now?” You ask as you lean in a bit closer, almost brushing your lips against his.

“You know what, Dave? That is exactly what I’m saying.” He looks right into your shades with the world’s biggest smirk, his lips so close to yours that they softly brush against yours as he talks. _Shit._

There’s something about his stare and the way his lips feel, there but not just quite, it’s fair to think that John gave him the talk about how to make consent sexy as well. Especially after he cups your cheek and presses a few soft kisses against your jaw and asks if he should look at your chart. You laugh nervously and glance over at the failed Kandinsky piece.

“I don’t mind figuring it out like this.” You tell him and with that said his lips slowly make their way down your neck.

            As nice as that feels, it’s nothing compared to that flutter in your chest when his fingers lace with yours as he nuzzles and kisses your shoulder. It somehow makes it more intimate. Like, yeah he can make you moan like a cheap porn star by making your neck his, but he wants to make your hands and heart yours too? Gasp!

            You rest your hands on his sides but take them back when he nuzzles your jaw. Was that too much? Should you take that how you would take a raspberry?

            He notices the absence of your hands and takes a hold of them. He scoots closer to you and puts your hands back on him. _Oh_.

“It’s okay here,” he says softly against your ear, “and here”, he slides your hands slowly along his sides, holding them light enough for you to pull them back if _you_ are the one who doesn’t want to touch _him_.

“So abs and sides yes?” You ask while you lead him onto your lap. He follows your lead, straddles your hips and nods his head.

“Is your neck always going to be a free-space in this touching bingo?” He loops his arms around your neck.

“Neck and lips are alright unless I say otherwise.” You wrap your arms around his hips and peck his cheek. He smiles down at you and gives your lips a smooch.

            Before you know it, your soft kisses have turned into a full on makeout. Karkat is pressed up against your chest and you’re letting out soft sounds when he twitches firmly enough to press his hips down against yours.

            You nip and lick at his neck, making him let out such a sweet sound, causing you to moan back his name. He hides his face in your neck and you firmly run your fingers down his back. You curse softly at yourself; that could have been taken as a scratch.

            You were going to lean back and check if that was okay with Karkat, but he’s who leans away from you first. _Okay, that’s fair._ You’re ready to hear his complain but instead he grabs the hem of his shirt and tugs it off over his head. _Ohh._

            The shirt is off but he’s still covering his chest up with it, he’s bright red and apologizes softly.

“Sorry, I should have asked if this was alright,” He looks down at you with such a worried expression, “Is it?” He asks.

            You stare at him and nod your head like an idiot. You don’t know what’s redder at the moment, your cheeks or Karkat’s chest blushies.

            He’s top is missing, he’s on your lap, but he won’t look at you. It’s obvious hes nervous and if he wants to stop here, it’s totally fine.

“Should I take my shirt off too? Would that help?” You offer the idea to him; maybe it’ll help him know you’re into this too.

            He looks over at you, wide-eyed and bright red.

“You don’t have to, I just did it because it’s hard to really feel your touch,” He explains, “Just don’t expect my pants to follow anytime soon.” He puffs his cheek and looks back away from you.

“Nah, it’s fine babe.” You chuckle softly at him and wiggle your own shirt off.

            He nods his head and finally looks back at you. You watch him as he traces your frame with his eyes. It makes you rather nervous, but part of you really likes the way he’s looking at you. He’s looking at all of you, not just staring at your flaws, and it makes you feel so safe and comfortable with him.

            Karkat reaches for you and you lean in a bit so he knows it’s okay to touch you. He gently cups your sides and traces your curves and your edges.

“You have a lovely body.” He says and you want to hide.

            You tuck your face in his neck and wrap your arms around his shoulders. He runs his hands along your frame, gently scratching at the bottom, right along your hips. That earns him a soft gasp from you and he stops to make sure that was okay. You bite your lip and nod your head. He presses his lips to your neck and you swear you feel his lips smirk against you. He knows very well what he’s doing to you when he kisses you there.

            Sure enough he makes your neck all his, kissing and nipping over all the right places. He’s even memorized where exactly it is your pulse lies and he bites right under it to tease you. When he actually bites your right at your pulse you moan loudly. He wraps his lips around the patch of skin and suckles at the flesh. You grip the back of his hair and the way he moans against your pulse makes you gasp.

            He releases the poor patch and kisses your shoulder instead.

“Too much?”

“No, just, really nice.” You really should admit what feels nice so he knows that he is more than welcomed to try that sort of thing again.

            Karkat smiles at you, he must like knowing that he can make you feel good, just as much as you like knowing the same.

            You pull him closer against you and press your lips against his collarbone. He lets out a pleased sigh and so you continue to kiss lower down the rest of his chest. You run your hands down along Karkat’s back and you feel how he leans into your touch. When you lightly scratch at Karkat’s lower back, he presses his lips against your forehead, so you guess that’s an acceptable place to scratch. You trace his hips the same way and he lets out a pleased hum. So okay, lower back seems to be a good place to scratch at, what about his upper back?

            You doubt trying it out was bad, but you will be the one who gives yourself a bad tally for not asking. So you don’t whine or pout when Karkat leans back away from you just enough to give you’re a stern look. You smile apologetically. You make a mental note to only scratch softly at his lips and lower back, never again at his shoulders and upper back.

            He shifts off your lap and you want to pull him back on, but that’s not what you’re really about. If this is where it ends then so be it. You already got some nice touches and a sweet makeout with your babe. Though Karkat doesn’t seem to be done, he just wanted off your lap so he could lie down on his back. _Ohhh_.

“Here, this way you won’t be tempted to keep trying new shit on my back today.”

            You’re red from ear to ear and don’t know what your next step should be. This is the thing porn and movies never teach you. There’s no script for when things really go down and you can want to be sexy all you want, but there will be a point where you look at yourself and have to ask, _now what?,_ and that is exactly this moment.

“Alright.” You say, staring down at that fine piece of wanderful idiot that is you’re glorious boyfriend. Now you’re the nervous one, not because you don’t know what to do, because you know exactly what the movies would suggest. And that’s not your goal right now. Right now it’s just two assholes in love, wanting to be intimate without it having to lead into territory where neither of you seem to have wondered into before. No-man’s-land if you will.

“So, do I get on top of you?” You are aware of how clueless your tone sounds. Karkat covers his face and laughs. Not at you, not with you, but at this situation you two have found yourselves in.

“We would not have this problem if we weren’t dating! You’d be on me like butter on toast!”

“Yum.”

“I’d be teasing you none stop- “

“Also yummy.” Karkat continues to laugh and tilts your face away from him when you lean closer to kiss his.

“But no! We care now.” You kiss at his palm and laugh softly with him.

            You lean against his chest and loop your arms around his torso.

“We can’t get too comfortable or God forbid we’ll end up pregnant because now there’s this thing called ‘Love’.” He waves his hands in front of you in a arch.

“That’s more than fine babe, Bro always wanted to be a grandpa. I shall be who carries our love child.” You kiss his chest and nuzzle his neck.

“No one is carrying any child.” Karkat scoff and shakes his head at you. He presses his lips to yours and runs his fingers through the back of your hair. You hum happily against his lips and he loops his arms around your shoulders.

“There,” He says with a small smile, “Much more relaxed,” he lets out a breath and presses his forehead against yours and you smile down at him, “It feels much more real, it feels more you.” He tells you.

“Good.” You peck his lips and cup his cheek.

“Just, slow, okay?”

“As a sloth if needed.”

“I don’t know Dave; sloths tend to scream when sexually frustrated.”

“Same.” You say with a soft whine and pout. Karkat laughs and covers his face once more. You kiss his hands and straddle his hips.

“Is this okay?” You can be tall enough to ride, but you ain’t gonna if the pony ain’t willing to be saddled up. Karkat peeks up at you, bites his lip and nods his head, “Yeah, everything that isn’t under clothes is fine right now.” Okay, so chest, neck, lips, arms seem to be a clear green light. You lean down and kiss his cheek. He plays with the back of your hair and asks if that’s alright on your end. It definitely is.

            You press your mouth along his jaw, down his neck and make your way down south. He catches your lips on his when you make your way back up from his hips, and he lets it be known that he’s not going to just lie still while you have all the fun. Karkat scratches at your back and you bite at that fun spot you found on his neck. That sort of thing always earns you a very pleased moan from him and you are all about that mess.

He wraps his legs around your waist and pulls you closer, as if you two could possibly be pressed any closer. His hips are pressed against yours oh so nicely, it feels like a perfect fit, just how the rest of him fits so nicely in your arms, how his lips fit against yours.

You let your hands wonder up his sides and all over his chest. Your thumb brushes over the small nubs on his chest and Karkat moans against yours lips. He nips at your bottom lip and your trace at his with your tongue.

His hips jerk up against yours and you’re aware of how hard both of you are as well of how hot Karkat’s chest feels against yours. He’s a wonderful mess and you’re so damn pleased to know you’re the one to blame.

You wrap your lips against a patch of skin on his chest and glance up at him. Karkat’s not paying you any mind though; instead he’s staring at your door. You rest your chin on his chest and look up at him.

“Did I mess up?” You ask softly.

“No, no, sorry, I just-,” He sits up a little bit and turns to face your door properly, “I think I heard something.” He tells you. You tilt your head and both of you try to listen carefully to the rest of the apartment.

            You can clearly hear the cabinets in your kitchen slamming open as well as some pans being shoved around. Shit. Fuck. Fuck, shit! You flop against your side, off of Karkat. Bro’s home and he must have heard you two being sexually frustrated sloths!

“Now what do we do?” You whine.

“What do we do? We stop!” Karkat sits up and locates his shirt, “We stop and I try to sneak out of here.” You pout at him but totally understand why he’d want to do that. Bro is not the kind of guy to leave things under the rug.

            Karkat already has his shirt back on and is half way through your window by the time you sit up and turns his way.

“Wait, shit, no. I locked my window last night! Fuck me!” He groans and crashes back inside.

“I mean, I thought we were stopping for today.”

           He gathers himself off the floor and glares up at you, okay, it’s not the time to be joking around with him. You stand up and wiggle your own shirt on.

“We could just sneak you out. I can try to distract him.” You suggest and Karkat shakes his head and points at your lap. You look down at yourself and groan. Your body is not a team player.

“I’m sure that sort of thing would start off a conversation no one wants to have with their sibling.” He says pointing at the tent. You casually glance and him and see he’s smarter than you when it comes to owning baggy clothes, unlike you. You take a minute to calm down while Karkat grabs his bag and carefully peeks out your door.

“He is definitely in the kitchen. It sounds like he’s making food? I don’t know. But we should try now that we know where he is.” He says softly. You nod your head and step outside of your room, you’ll be heading out first to distract bro.

“Bro?” You call out.

“Kitchen!” He calls back.

            You make your way over to the kitchen and watch as he puts some pans up on the stove. He has some veggies and meats by the counter near the sink, which thankfully for you, is facing the opposite direction the living room door is.

“Would you look at you, home early and making food? It must be opposite day or something.”

“Yeah huh? Betcha never thought it’d be possible.” He hums as he chops some veggies up.

“Yeah, I thought you forgot it existed.”

“Not since yer help goblin cleared it out that one time. It’s been easier t’keep clean since.”

“I’ll be sure to let him know.” You glance back and watch as Karkat quietly creeps through your living room. You step closer to bro so it seems you’re willing to help out with dinner if he needs it.

“Nah, that’s fine, I’ll let him know myself,” He shakes his head and grins. You raise your brow and are about to ask what’s up, but he turns his head to look back at Karkat and both of you sloths freeze.

“Thanks Karkat.” Bro smiles back at Karkat and you know Karkat wants to die just as bad as you do.

“Thanks fer dropping Dave off, have a nice day kid.” Bro waves back at him and Karkat lets out a loud embarrassed whine.

“Y-yeah! You too.” And with that said, he nyooms off.

            You don’t say anything; you just stare at Bro as he piles similar veggies up together and seasons the meat a bit. He turns on a burner and sets a pan over it. Once that’s warm enough he puts the ingredients in. He wipes his hands off and finally turns to look down at you.

“Umm…”

“Hm?” He asks.

“Whatcha doin?” You flash a large smile up at him cause that’s what innocent people do right? They smile because they have nothing to hide.

“I am fakin’ Chinese. Which is great, ‘cause the rice is gonna take some time t’cook. Keep an eye on it will ya? I’ll be right back.” He ruffles your hair and leaves you behind.

“Uh, Okay?” That was too easy, nothing is ever that easy.

For now all you can do is guard this rice with your life. To make things a bit easier, you lower the flame on the rice and look down at it.

“Why hello there, it’s _rice_ to meet you.”

            Bro returns with a small box and sets it on the counter. He digs around in it and pulls out two puppets? You tilt your head and make your way over to him. He wiggles them onto his hands and that is when you start screaming internally.

“Bro, please, this is a kitchen! Get those blasphemous things off our clean counter.” You hiss.

“That’s right Dave, this is the kitchen,”

“Yeah, and that is _not_ food!” You point an incriminating finger at the puppets.

“Our kitchen, like others, is the heart of our home,” He continues.

“Bro, please.” You whine and grip at your hair, “Wait! Is that puppet me?” That thing has mini shades. It has to be you. Good lord, where do you even find shades _that_ small? That other puppet has got to be Karkat then, that little guy has his thick brows and his cute little freckles. _Oh no how precious._

“And like any other heart, it is filled with love.” He’s not going to stop. This is it. Trial by puppets you guess.

“When ya love someone very much, sometimes, ya really wanna show that, with yer body.” He looks at you and makes the two puppets nuzzle one another.

“Is, is this, oh my God. Is this the sex talk?”

“Ya see Dave, in this wonderful land: Land of the free, home of the brave, ya have to sit yer ass and wait til yer of age.” He looks over his shades at you and you don’t know if to scream or drop dead.

“I can’t believe this-“

“Well you better listen to yer good pal Naruto and fuckin’ believe it kid.”

“Bro, please, stop.”

“Sorry, lil’ man, gotta do it so you can’t say I didn’t later.”

“You don’t have to! It’s fine!” You insist.

“Ya might wanna take a seat, this is gonna be a long talk.”

            You whine loudly and stomp your legs like the damn brat you still obviously are. Bro glances over his shades at you and gives you a stern look. You know he’s serious, you know. You just wished he’d get rid of the puppets and continue this humiliating talk like a damn regular person.

But no! He’s not some regular person, he’s Bro. The same Bro who you bitched and whined to about not “being here for you” a few months ago, and here he is now and you’re still bitching and whining. Maybe it’s time to accept certain things the way they are and stop trying to make them perfect. You certainly aren’t.

            You brush your hair back and take a deep breath. He’s just going to talk some things over with you. You can go back to your room and plan your own funeral once this is taken care of. You whine one last time to get it out of your system and finally take a seat in front of him. Bro gives you an extra minute to gather yourself up before he finally starts up again.

“So when a red puppet and a grey puppet start havin’ feelin’s for each other, there are times when things might heat up. You might be in yer room, makin’ out,” You cut him off with yet another whine you just couldn’t help, and he finally rips a sock off and tosses it on the counter.

            You look down, away from the puppet, and away from Bro. You’re not some fucking kid, you know what happens. The grey puppet and the red make out, fuck, make out, fuck and then, guess what? Make out more and possible fuck again. Is he really going to tell you this? Doesn’t he remember signing the permission slip that allowed you to take Health at school?

            You hear him let out a deep sigh, pull a stool and take the seat in front of you. He wiggles the other puppet off and tosses it back in the box.

“Listen kid…” He says softly and his tone still breaks you. He’s obviously worried and that’s so unlike him that it’s kind of scary.

“I know it’s all fun right now an’ it all feels so nice. Holdin’ his hand, havin’ him close, feelin’ how his chest rises against yours and his smilin’ lips against yer dorky grin.” You rest your chin on the counter top and glance up at him. He’s right about that. You do have a dorky grin whenever you feel Karkat smile against your lips.

“But yer both rather young duncha think?” He scratches his jaw and looks down at you.

“We weren’t gonna do t _hat_.” You frown up at him. You know you’re red and might look guilty as fuck, but you’re telling the truth.

“And I believe ya, maybe ya’ll weren’t about that today, and maybe ya won’t tomorrow, but some day ya might wanna, and when that day comes I dun want ya t’be scared or feel pressured.” You slowly sit properly back up and nod your head.

“I want you t’be with someone you trust and someone who’s gonna make you feel damn special, and I want you t’be the same ta them. Be respectful an’ kind.” You nod along to his instructions and listen to the rest.

“So, hear me out?” He smiles softly at you and you glance away but nod your head.

           He scoots a little closer and chews on his lip. He seems like he’s putting his words together, as if he’s gone over them before, but he doesn’t know where exactly he needs to start.

“Sex can be super special fer some, an’ yeah, it can be super fun, but fer others it can be work, bothersome, even hurtful fer others, even a bad experience fer some. Sex can be rather invasive, Dave.” He tells you seriously, as if warning you about the big bad wolf out there. You play with the puppet that’s been sitting in front of you. You hold mini Karkat carefully in your hands. Bro’s words remind you of the bad experiences Karkat shared with you the other day and it’s making this talk very uncomfortable for you right now. You hold the tiny puppet closer to yourself and look up at Bro.

“You’re in another person’s face, in their space, but it can be fun and a pleasin’ experience when you’re with the people you like, doing the things you enjoy. Ya hafta try t’always be careful an’ safe,” He pauses for a second, “’Specially since you’re gonna be eighteen in a few months an’ Karkat won’t ‘til next June.” You hadn’t even thought about that.

“Do I have to break up with him?” You doubt Kankri would mind, or is that why Karkat didn’t want to tell him just yet?

“Course not, I really doubt that, you’re jus’ gonna hafta be careful, okay? Love ‘im like ya do now, respect ‘im, and make ‘im feel safe.”

“I’m trying…” You look down at the small puppet in your hands.

            You two are going to be a good couple. Both are going to be loving as fuck and respect the shit out of the other, just watch. You’re not going to be like any of his lame exes and it’s going to be a good experience.

“I know kid. It’s not hard t’see how happy and excited you two are.” Bro tells you as he hands you puppet-you.

            You wiggle both puppets on and wave their little arms around. You rest puppet-Karkat’s head on puppet-Dave’s shoulder and hum softly.

“Karkat doesn’t seem to know where his lines are.” You mention softly.

“An’ that is totally okay and normal. It ain’t yer job to find ‘em for ‘im, yer job is t’follow the ones he sets when he figures it out. Do as he says, and don’t expect ‘em t’always be the same ones.”

            Karkat and you had sort of figured that out earlier. Things can be so fluid sometimes, and that’s alright. Bro’s comment makes you feel better, but you are still filled with doubts and questions. You casually play with the puppets in your hands as you try to figure out how to words some of those questions.

“I don’t want to trigger him or hurt him on accident…” You chew your lips and hope Bro doesn’t ask for too many details. He doesn’t ask what you mean or anything, he only tells you that it’s good to worry about that sort of things. He says it can sometimes help keep yourself on a line of your own. Just like how Karkat has his own, you have to figure yours out too so he knows the same thing about you that you want to know about him.

“Look, I ain’t tellin ya t’stop touchin’, but I sure as fuck ain’t tellin’ ya to go huntin for ‘em either,” He chuckles softly at himself. He’s getting too repetitive and overly explanatory, “Just be respectful and pay attention,” He sums up the line thing with that.

            You chuckle at him and nod your head. You know you’d be having a hard time explaining a bunch of this stuff to a younger sibling too, so you can’t blame Bro for going around the topic and repeating what he thinks are crucial points.

“Karkat seems like a chill kid, he’s also very vocal and opinionated, so if ya make sure he’s comfortable around ya then I guess that’s how he’ll continue t’be, includin’ in any intimate settin’.” He continues with a very important point that not many health classes push, consent. Yes it’s completely necessary and mandatory, but for some reason some classes don’t exactly make sex sound as an optional thing, instead it’s taught more as something that is supposed to happen sometime in your adult life or something.

            Health class was basically 4.5% nutrition, 25% hetero sex and 70% STI’s. And by the way, 30% of that 70% was solely on gonorrhea. Oh yeah, and .5% of that was that nightmare-breading, traumatic birthing video.

            Thankfully for you, Bro isn’t your common guardian or some public school educator. So you know he’s going to be teaching you about all these sorts of things in a more personal level. You suppose that’s fine, just as long as he doesn’t make things any more awkward.

“I want ya t’know that fer some, sex is very special. It’s very in’imate. So see it as that ‘till yer pardner tells ya other wise. You dun know, you’d break their heart just by sleepin’ with ‘em rather than the breakup i’self.” He shrugs. You nod and chew your lip, thinking of what to say, if anything.

“I know I can’t watch ya like some helicop’er parent, but I trust you t’behave. An’ be safe.

“I will.” You promise him. He nods and reaches for a smuppet. You watch with slight horror as he grabs a condom as well.

“’N one’a the best ways t’be safe, is with this.” He wiggles the condom in your face. You cover your eyes with both hands. _Please no, not this!_

“Ya’ve prolly seen it on TV, a textbook, class, a porno. An’ lemme tell ya, they’re a whole helluva lot more important than they tell ya.” He then wiggles the puppet before setting him down, opening the foil package carefully. You whine, red to your ears as you watch from behind your fingers.

“Please, dun ever open it with anythin’ other than yer hands.” He sighs. You look away from it, completely uncomfortable with this whole thing.

“Dave I really need ya t’pay attention. If ya miss it you’ll haveta hear it twice.” He says. You look up at him and make various whining noises.

“I know… This is jus’ as uncomfortable t’me. But I wasn’t told this, any o’it. Dave,” He runs his hands through his hair. “My first was one’a the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I wasn’t ready even though I told myself I was… I don’t want you t’feel that. Or make anyone feel that.”

“What happened?” You ask. He sighs heavily and sets the condom down. You fidget as he scoffs.

“So, I was seventeen. Atta party. I’d actually found a sitter fer ya. So I thought, “s’my night, Imma do as I please”.”

“Sorry…” You mumble softly. Bro doesn’t catch it.

“Get me my fill fer the month ‘fore goin’ back t’bein’ a responsible ‘adult’. Found me a really hot gal. An’ I had a few drinks. So, why not? She was a bit older, more experienced, hot and so outta my league. I’d be an _idiot_ if I’da said _no_ … So, I didn’t give myself that choice.” He stares at a corner of the wall, recalling the events. You play with your fingers and listen.

“I followed ‘er upstairs. She locked the door, an’ the second I heard tha’ click, I wanted outta tha’ room so bad. But I didn’t tell ‘er that. I did as she said, did what I had seen in movies an’ shit,” He shakes his head and looks over at you. “I dun want you there…” You slide a hand over to him and pat his arm. He rests his hand over yours.

“Sorry.” You whisper.

“S’fine. I’m not always gonna be able t’walk through life. But right now, I’m alive an’ well. An’ I want t’let ya go knowin’ I told ya this.” He says. You flip your hand around and give his hand a little squeeze.

“I know.” You say. He squeezes back.

“So. Know it’s uncomfortable fer both parties here. But it’s gotta be done.” You nod and he nudges an unopened condom packet toward you before picking up a new one for himself. You stare at the thing, you really don’t even want to touch it. You take a deep breath and follow along with Bro anyway, opening it up.

“Know that alotta people’ve died ‘cause they skipped this step. There was a time when people thought AIDS war sumpthin’ only the ‘gays’ could get. An’ they ignored it. An’ many sex workers died too ‘cause these were fuckin’ difficult t’get. So now they’re a lot easier. Hopefully soon we’ll be able t’get pads as easily.” He chuckles. You give him a confused look, you thought those _were_ easy to get. He shakes his head and grabs the smuppet again.

“So ya can’t jus’ slip it on like a sock.”

“Do we really need to use the smuppet?”

“I ain’t takin’ out the big boy toys.” Bro says. _Dear fuck you don’t want to know about those._

“Can’t we just use something else?” You ask

“Check the fridge fer a banana?” He shrugs. _Nope._ You have enough problems with bananas, you don’t want more.

“Smuppet it is then.” He says when you don’t move. You cover the smuppets eyes for now.

“So it’s more like, puttin’ on tights after they’ve been rolled up. Ya gotta be carefull so ya don’t tear ‘em.”

“I wouldn’t know what that’s like, but okay.” You say. Bro rolls his eyes and continues on.

“Ya place the tip, givin’ yer toes some space ‘cause if not you’ll rip right through sometimes,” He demonstrates. “An’ yer gonna hold that in place an’ carefully roll on the rest. Be sure ya still got room for them toes an’ be sure ya dun leave any air bubbles and… Done.” He says, once he has the condom all the way on the smuppet’s nose.

“How about I never have sex.” You say after a moment.

“The only hard part ‘bout all this should be you.” Bro says. You groan. Not even John’s dad, the dad-est of Dads would have made a pun that lame. Bro just chuckles at your misery.

“But there we go. Now ya can’t say I didn’t tell ya.” He leans back in the chair and crosses his arms.

“Do I have to like, do it now?” You ask looking at the condom in your hand.

“Nah. But ya can keep these. Practice just puttin’ ‘em on when ya want.” He shrugs. You nod and make a mental note to try it later on yourself.

“So there ya have it. Oh! One more thin’.” Bro says, shifting a bit to reach into his pocket.

“Hmm?” You ask. He retrieves a small bottle and places it on the table. You stare at it and then glance up at him.

“ _Why_ do you have lube in your pocket?”

“It’s muli-purpose,” He picks it up and looks at the label. “Quote, massage an’ intimacy. Boom.” He sets it back down. You stare at it. It’s about the size of the palm of your hand, and full of clear liquid. You briefly wonder what it tastes like.

“We can getcha sumpthin’ more specific when you’d like.” Bro says. You play with the bottle, turning it in circles in your hands and watching the liquid move around.

“This dun hafta be our last talk ‘bout it. Or ‘bout anythin’.” He tells you. You nod and he gives you a small smile. You have a few questions on the tip of your tongue, but once again you don’t know how to ask. Bro waits patiently for you to put your words together.

“Is um… If he isn’t like _The One ™_ , is it still okay to, um… Yeah?” You choke out. He nods.

“Sex ain’t gonna verify things. It can be a step ya’d like t’add. An’ tha’s alright. But ya don’t hafta wait fer “The One an’ Only”. Or if ya wanted, ya could.”

“And it’s um, _still_ special even if they’ve been with someone else. Right?”

“It’s special if ya make it Dave. If ya can be with ‘em, an’ smile at each other, maybe laugh. Ask ‘em to stop, slow down, or go faster, it can be special.” He says. You nod and chew on your lip. You roll the bottle between your hands.

“’Cause when you’re with ‘em, you’re not with who they’ve have been with. You’re with _them_. An’ if they’re special to ya, then it can be special.”

“…What if they’ve been hurt by it?” You look up at him.

“Then be patient.”

“…And if they’ve been hurt a lot? Just, patience?”

“If ya wanted to, ya could make it yer mission t’show ‘em that is doesn’t always hurt. An’ that ya dun need that t’love ‘em. Some may never want it, but not all ‘cause the same reasons. An’ sometimes all they’ll want is that, _again_ not fer the same reasons.”

“What if I scare him just by holding his hand?”

“Then ya dun get ta hold his hand. Sorry, it ain’t yers ta hold.” He says.

“Well, yeah. Okay. But like… I dunno.” You sigh. Bro chuckles softly and leans a bit closer, resting his arms on the table.

“I just… I don’t want to hurt him. I’ve messed up before.”

“Then you’ll hafta be very careful. You’re you, an’ he’s himself. You’re gettin’ t’know each other. It’s a slow process. Be patient, an’ ask lotta questions when needed. Pay attention. What he won’t say, he might show.” He says. You nod. Bro gets up out of his seat, walking over to where you are. He ruffles your hair and you look up at him.

He smashes your face into his side as some weird ass side hug. It’s cool though. You let him have this moment before biting at his side. He pinches your cheek when he lets go of you. You whine, which he responds by whining louder and moving to check on the rice. You imitate a bird screech. _You will not be beaten!_ Bro turns off the stove and puffs his cheek out in annoyance. You walk over to his side.

“Grab yer shoes.” He says.

“Why?” You whine like a kid.

“We’re goin’ out fer dinner. I burned the rice.” Bro says, pouting at it.

“A moment of silence for the rice.” You say. He grabs his keys from the little set of hooks in the kitchen.

“The rice can choke on a zucchini.” He grumbles. For some reason it makes you think of Nepeta and Equius, though you aren’t sure why. You just make a face and shake your head. Bro is standing at the door, waiting on you. You are quick to grab your shoes and walk out with him once you’re ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	33. The Science of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings
> 
> \- Xenophobia  
> \- Homophobia   
> \- Racism  
> \- Sexual innuendo   
> \- Bullying  
> \- Substance abuse   
> \- Nightmares  
> \- Dreaming   
> \- Academic life   
> \- Feels  
> \- Rosemary

             You are currently sitting at Rose’s house, swinging your legs under the table. You have your chemistry book cracked open in front of you. You’ve been trying to study with her for a while now but the information just won’t stick to your brain at this moment. You heave a deep sigh and look over at Rose sitting across from you. She’s been trying her best to study for her upcoming anatomy test.

            Of course when she had mentioned it, you made the very obvious joke about her choice to “study anatomy” with you. She had simply rolled her eyes and told you when you could meet her at her house. You drum your fingers on your notebook, mostly covered in scribbled out words and notes having far too many question marks attached to them. Maybe you _should_ take a break for a bit. The silence is getting to you and you have to admit, you are feeling a bit hungry. You pout in Rose’s general direction, hoping she will feel it like she usually does, and rescue you from your torment. She doesn’t stop the movement of her hand writing carefully constructed notes.

“Yes, Dave?” She asks after a moment.

“I’m bored.” You tell her.

“Good. That means you’re studying the right way.”

“I’m hungry.” You whine like a child. She hums softly and closes up her books.

“Alright. What do you need?”

“Food. Some nice food.”

“You know you can help yourself to whatever you want in this home, Dave.”

“But I can’t cook.”

“I thought you mentioned Karkat teaching you?” She raises an eyebrow and gets up from her chair.

“Well, yeah.” You admit.

“Then?” She presses, moving into her kitchen and opening the cabinet doors.

“But I’m still not at his level of cooking. Which is fucking,” You gesture with your hands. Rose chuckles softly and grabs a box out of the cupboard.

“Alriiiiight. I’m sure everything he does though is,” She repeats your gesture, “in your book.”

“Hell yeah it is.” You wiggle your eyebrows over at her. You scoot your chair back, which is always an ordeal with her super tall chairs. Rose chooses to ignore your plight by filling a pot up with water.

“Oh really?” She asks when you finally make it out of the chair and over to her. _Like seriously, why have such tall chairs when you’re so small?_

“Maybe it’s biased, but his food is bomb as fuck.” You say, hopping onto the kitchen counter. Cold granite greets you and you almost want to cry. Rose sets her pot of water on the stove to boil, and you take a good look at the box she had pulled down earlier. _Mac ‘n Cheese, perfect._

“Does Kanaya make good food?” You ask.

“Em… No, not really,” She chuckles. “But her mother does.”

“Oh?” You snicker.

“Yeah.”

“I thought she’d be pretty good at it.” You say. She shakes her head.

“Her cooking is really bad. Her _baking_ , however, is amazing though.”

“What does she bake?” You ask.

“Believe it or not, her baking recipes are quite American. She loves to bake cakes, pies, cupcakes, cookies, biscuits, and the like.”

“Oh shit. We should like put her in a baking competition with Mr. Egbert.”

“She _did_ get a few from him.” Rose tells you. You lean back and rest your head against the cupboard door. Rose stares down into the pot of water, as if trying to will it to boil with her eyes alone.

“She got his frosting recipe from him for sure.” She mentions.

“Karkat got a lot of his from his bro.” You hum. She smiles softly.

“I’ve heard very good things about his brother. He seems nice, but sometimes a bit irritating. Kanaya’s older sister is rather close to him.” She chuckles.

“He’s…something else.” You agree.

“I heard about how Karkat found out that Kankri had a boyfriend.” She looks over at you, smirking.

“Oh yeah. That was fun. Found out that Kankri sounds a bit like a chick when praising the lord and riding off.” You say and she rolls her eyes.

“Speaking of the Vantases and relationships, how are the two of you doing?” She asks as she dumps the noodles into the now boiling water.

“Much better. Figured out the lines.”

“The lines?”

“Like, where to stop when we’re gettin’ handsy.”

“Ah, I see.” She gives you a little wink and nudge. You feel your face turn a bit red.

“Hormones are terrible, Rose. Leave me alone.”

“Hormones aren’t that hard to understand. It’s our hearts, Dave. We have a little bit more control over our bodies than you’d think. It’s our feelings that we have little control over.”

“Ah yes. Philosophical know how. Love getting Plato all up in here. Aristotle is his right hand man, in more than one way. If y’know what I mean.”

“Careful Dave, Plato was forty when Aristotle was born.” Rose says, stirring the noodles.

“What? Fuck.”

“And, Aristotle was seventeen when he enrolled in Plato’s academy.”

“I forget that they aren’t close to the same age.” You run a hand through your hair.

“Not at all.”

“I just see their wise old faces and go, _‘yeah that works’_.” You make a face at the wall in front of you. Rose laughs softly.

“Let’s leave the wise men in peace Dave. We’re talking about you and Karkat right now.”

“Yeah. Well, now you know we occasionally get frisky.”

“That doesn’t really surprise me. I however have a lot of questions regarding your feelings towards him. How _do_ you feel? How have you been?” She asks.

“Why?” You furrow your brows.

“I…just want to make sure you’re not bored. Sometimes crushes are longer than relationships.” She says. You don’t exactly buy that as her reason for asking, but you don’t call her out on it.

“Ouch, I’m wounded.”

“I know, a sad truth.”

“But also, no. I still am pretty much head over heels for this guy. He _does_ seem a bit stressed about his driver’s license tests.” You chew on the inside of your cheek.

“Ah.”

“I think it’s got him a bit worked up.” You hum.

“You had mentioned he was busy with that today.”

“Hopefully he comes back with good news. At least one of us will be able to drive.”

“Didn’t Bro tell you that he’d teach you how to drive his old bike? What happened to that?” Rose asks.

“He’s been gettin’ it back to working order. But, it’s not like I don’t know how.”

“Is that so?” She raises an eyebrow in your direction.

“I just can’t pass the written part. So I _can_ drive, just not _legally._ ” You give her a small shrug. She chuckles.

“I guess you can see it that way.”

“’Sides there’s always the wonderful public transportation.” You hum.

“Yes but, do you really want to take the bus to college?” She squints at you.

“Maybe I’ll live close to campus. A walk don’t hurt… Much.”

“Oh. So you’re moving closer to the campus? Are you moving in with Karkat?”

“I want to.” You look down at your fingers as the hold onto the cold stone countertop.

“Oh?”

“If he’s down for it y’know?”

“Haven’t you asked him about it?” She tilts her head slightly.

“We’ve talked about it vaguely,” You half-shrug, “But y’know, nothin’ concrete.”

“I understand…” Rose hums softly.

“You’re going to New York right? What about Kanaya?” You ask.

“Kanaya’s going to be in the same state, but not the same city… Well, that was the plan. But now… She’s been very shaken up. She doesn’t want to be alone, but she also doesn’t want to ‘ _hold me back_ ’.” She sighs heavily.

“That… That sucks. Have you talked about it?”

“Yes, we have but nothing I say will change what’s been bothering her. I told her it was okay if she wanted to stay home a bit longer. And I also told her it’s very different in New York.” She drains the noodles and slides them back into the pot, now free of water. You nod softly as she talks.

“But now,” She makes a sad face as she dumps in the milk. “She used to be so hopeful.”

“Is something going on?” You ask. Rose is silent as she mixes in the butter and cheese. She doesn’t look in your direction and focuses solely on the task of mixing.

“Like at home or something?” You prompt.

“Has…Karkat not told you? I mean, _I_ could have told you too but…” She trails off.

“Told me…?” You gesture for her to continue.

“We didn’t want to get you guys involved.” She says. You start tensing up. A part of you knows this must be something pretty bad.

“What’s going on.” You demand.

“I don’t know how else to help her.” Rose mixes the ingredients harshly.

“Rose. What’s going on.” You give her a look. She sighs and lets go of the spoon, moving her hands to grab onto the countertop.

“Well, you know how freshmen sometimes get rowdy. And yes, we know better than to pay them much mind but… The other day,” She bites her lip, glancing over at you, “Dave they ripped her Hijab off.”

“Who? Imma kick their ass. What the fuck.” You are seething.

“She won’t say!” Rose shouts covering her face. After a moment you watch her force her shoulders down and try to relax.

“Feferi found her sobbing in the bathroom. When I got there, she didn’t want to talk to me about it. It wasn’t the first time they’ve bullied her, they say such nasty things to her Dave. She chose to ignore them and never mention it to me. I should have known, she had been upset for a while now.” She grinds her teeth together. You find your fingers tightening their grip on the countertop.

“She never said anything, and look what happened.” Rose says softly.

“Well, she doesn’t have to deal with it anymore. We can tell Jade. You know she’ll fight anyone.” You suggest. Rose looks over at you, misty eyed.

“We can tell everyone we know but, Kanaya won’t say who’s been doing this.”

“We could tell John too. He could probably get the football team to help.  
“She doesn’t want to get violent.”

“Bodyguards.”

“Dave.”

“They would be walls of muscle to protect her. We’ll catch ‘em that way.” You say. Rose gives you a sad laugh.

“And then what Dave?”

“Get their asses reported. I’m pretty sure she’s protected under school rules.” You try to recall your handbook, but you keep drawing blanks. Rose sighs and holds herself tightly. You hop off the counter and wrap your arms around her, resting your chin on her head.

“I forget that we’re different sometimes. I forget we’re different races, different views, different orientations from everyone else. When I’m with her I’m so happy. For a little bit, I forget how hateful the world can be.” She murmurs, bringing her arms around you as well.

“I know. Trust me, I know.” You sigh heavily.

“She’s so amazing. So kind,” Her voice cracks, “I forget the rest of the world doesn’t see her how I do.” You hold her tightly and rub at her back.

“She _is_ amazing, and she makes you happy.”

“She makes me feel so safe. I feel like I’ve failed her.” Rose chuckles sadly, wiping her face.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t do it. All you can do is try and protect her the best you can. Even _if_ that means getting us involved. We got this.”

“She knows I’m here. She has all my support. She wouldn’t let me tell her mother though.” She whines. You hum and think quietly for a moment.

“Remember back in middle school, when you were getting bullied for being a huge lesbian? You didn’t want to tell your mom either.”

“And I dated a loser to hide my true feelings.” She teases you. You give her a small smile as she drops her arms and looks up at you.

“But you remember how it felt. That’s what she could be feeling right now too.” You say. She turns back to the Mac ‘n Cheese. You rest your chin on her shoulder, ignoring the weird way you have to lean to do it.

“Maybe. But it’s not the same Dave. No one ever pulled my hair or ripped my clothes off.”

“I know, but still.” You say. She sighs and you figure that means you win the point on this issue. Rose moves to grab two bowls out of the shelf above her, getting up onto her tiptoes.

“We can help her now though. Since we know.” You say, standing up straight and helping her get the bowls down. _Seriously, why the tall setup if y’all are so small?_

“She won’t let you.” Rose says, taking the bowls from your hands.

“I dunno, she might not even notice. Just her friends casually walking with her to class, some _pretty_ intimidating looking friends,” You pause for a moment. “Well, at least Jade is intimidating.” Rose chuckles.

“Her friends can be pretty intimidating too.”

“Yeah. Like Karkat.” You give her a hip bump.

“Mhmm. I think all she needs right now is seeing she’s not alone.”

“Yeah, that’s got to help a lot.” You say, making your way back towards your table. Rose hums softly and dishes out the Mac for the two of you.

“She’s going to be fine with us.” You remind her.

“For what’s left of the school year at least. I don’t want her to not go and miss this great opportunity.”

“Maybe things are better up there anyway. I mean, this _is_ Texas.”

“Don’t forget where those towers once stood Dave. That’s what she fears more after these horrible months. Right now I worry about how she feels. I’ll worry about what she decides to do, later.” She says, bringing you a bowl.

“Right.” You rest your head on the table. You stare a bit at the bowl she sets in front of you, before sitting up straight.

“But enough about that. I have a cuddle date with her tomorrow and I plan on making sure she feels loved and cared for.” She says, retrieving her own bowl and resuming her place in front of you.

“A cuddle date, huh?”

“Mhmm. We make a blanket nest and watch all our favorite shows.”

“Cute.”

“Not as cute as her smile.” She sighs wistfully.

“Don’t start that cute stuff.” You whine.

“You’re just mad because we can easily out-cute you and Karkat.” She winks.

“You just think that because we’re gross sweaty boys.” You stick your tongue out at her.

“You _are_ gross, sweaty, and happen to be boys.”

“Aww Rose, you don’t like me? I’m devastated.” You chuckle.

“I thought we cleared that out when I broke up with you to be with Kanaya.” She teases.

“I was so heartbroken.” You say, resting your chin on your hand.

“Oh, I know. I was the girl of your dreams.”

“Absolutely. And you left me,” You wipe away fake tears. “It’s alright though. I understand.”

“The heart wants what it wants, Dave.” She hums.

“And yours obviously wanted nothing to do with this fine piece of man, nope. Wanted a nice girly salad, with a brimming glass of pastel lipstick and a side of sweet lady humps. The Maryam combo.”

“Very lovely lady humps.” Rose snickers.

“Oh please, just cause you saw your first pair before your freshman year.” You snort. She rolls her eyes at you as she eats her Mac.

“Ms. LaLonde, always following the rules until it came to being patient with your hormones. You have to be more like me on it Rose. I _just_ had the sex talk with Bro. You heard it hear first, Rose. I am officially a ‘Horny Teen’.”

“The sex talk? _Now?_ ” She raises a questioning brow.

“Yup. Seventeen, going on eighteen, and Bro finally slowed down, hopped off the pony and said, _‘Hey, we should talk about what will happen to you when you turn thirteen’_. And I was like, _‘Bruh, you’re a few years late’_.”

“Hold on,” She sets her spoon down and laces her fingers together on the table. “I’m ready.”

“What? What exactly do you want?” You chuckle.

“Tell me everything. The whole story.” She says. You feel your face getting red.

“Um, sure. Uh, starting where?” You ask.

“As much as I love hearing all about the scandalous information, I think we can skip to just before the talk started.”

“Well uh, let’s say that Karkat and I think Bro might have walked in on us,” You scratch at the back of your neck. “And he had no idea how to respond, so he started making hella noise in the kitchen and we stopped. We tried to sneak out, but he caught us. He then low-key dragged Karkat and then sat me down for the talk.”

“How embarrassing.” She hums, returning back to her Mac.

“Calm down Rose, shit, don’t get super excited.”

“I’m _so_ excited, Dave. Very much. I’m simply quivering with excitement.” She smiles. You snicker softly. John and Jade would have been screaming the whole time.

“He sat me down, brought out the puppets and everything.”

“Oh boy, that must have been fun.”

“Y’know, it kinda was? At the end of it, I mean. Like after all the awkward. He honestly helped quite a bit.”

“I must alert the presses. Dave Strider, actually enjoying something involving puppets.” She says. You roll your eyes and whine.

“No, it was after the puppets.”

“I’m glad he helped though.”

“Yeah. Me too.” You smile slightly to yourself. You eat at your Mac, and Rose hums softly. You push some of the noodles around a bit.

“You know, I’m starting to think that we don’t know _everything_. Like, I don’t know, it feels like we do. Then shit happens and it’s like, ‘ _Bruh I had no idea this sort of shit could go down’_. I don’t know. I just know Bro knows a lot of shit. All ‘cause he’s lived through junk. You can’t study certain things I guess?” You don’t know where you were originally going with all this.

“I feel you. The other day, Mother showed me a ‘magic’ trick.”

“What kind of magic trick?”

“She lit a twenty dollar bill on fire, but it didn’t actually burn. She’s a mad woman sometimes.”

“She sounds more like a mad scientist.” You hum.

“She is. Also, she’s been cutting back on her alcohol consumption.” She smiles.

“Yeah? Dude, that’s great.” You smile widely.

“Something about meeting a lovely man and wanting to be good for him? At least she’s stopping.” She shrugs.

“Okay, I get that and like not to harp on her victory but, what about being good for you or herself?”

“Maybe she’ll notice as she gets better.” Rose hums. You think about it a bit yourself. You technically quit ‘for Karkat’ but now you’re doing it for yourself.

“Yeah. You’re right.” You finish of the bowl and lean back in your chair. Rose stares at you for a moment.

“You look like you’ve been doing much better too.” She says.

“I have. Almost a year sober.” You whisper.

“That’s good.”

“I still get itches, but I guess it’s gotten easier to scratch in different ways.” You trace the edges of your bowl.

“That’s _very_ good.” She says. You aren’t sure why you’re sharing this with her. But then she smiles and offers you her hand. Your friends are here to support you, and are here for you when you need them. You slowly take her hand give her a small smile back.

“Sometimes, I wish I had never started messing around with all this junk.” You say.

“It had been rather scary for us, I can’t imagine how it must have been for you.”

“It was scary for me too. But then I think that maybe, I wouldn’t be where I’m supposed to be? Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten to know Karkat or… Or learned to really appreciate you guys without it.”

“Maybe. Either way, I’m glad you’re here now.”

“It feels like a dream sometimes,” You stare at your hands, “Like I’ll wake up and be back in that messed up spot. That shit is even scarier to think.”

“Count your fingers.” Rose says, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t people usually count blessings?” You chuckle.

“If you’re dreaming, you won’t have the right amount of fingers.” She says. You look down at your hands and count your fingers. _All ten here and accounted for._ When you look up you catch her small smile.

“It’s a small trick Mother taught me when I was young. Maybe it’ll help you too.” She lets go of your hand. You nod in agreement.

“Got any tricks for nightmares?”

“Mirrors don’t work, written words won’t make any sense,” She tells you. “But I suppose that’s at least going to make you aware of it being a dream, letting you get back in control of it.”

“I think I’m just worried about the future or whatever. I don’t know, maybe it’s all I got on my plate. Or all these past changes that’s setting them off. Like, yeah I used to sleepwalk and all and get some here and there, but these just feel kind of more intense than usual?”

“What are they about? Perhaps your subconscious is trying to tell you something.” She says.

“Well… I’m in a large crowd, with Karkat. I’m trying to hold onto his hand but it feels like the crowd is just trying to pull us apart. I start panicking but he just calmly tells me to let go. If I let go, I’ll lose him and get lost, so I can’t do that. Then his hand slips.” You chew on your lip. Rose laces her fingers together and rests her chin on them.

“I see.”

“Suddenly, I’m in this white space. The crowd is gone, but so is he. I get this feeling like he’s near though? So I try to look for him and I hear him call my name and I wake up. He’s woken me up before so I expect to see him by my side when I wake but he’s not there.”

“What do you feel it’s about?” She asks you.

“What do you mean?”

“How does it make you feel?”

“Lost. Scared. Almost angry at myself for letting go.”

“What do you think happens to him when you let go?”

“I-I don’t know? But, he wanted me to let go. Maybe he’s safe? I hope so.” You run your fingers through your hair.

“And from this safe place he tells you to wake up?”

“Wait. Maybe he asks me to let go because I’m hurting him? Maybe I’m holding his hand too tight.” You panic a bit processing this. Your fingers tighten around the strands in your hair. _Has he not been happy with you? Have you been hurting him by wanting to be with him?_

“Breathe.” Rose instructs you, cutting through your thoughts. You let go of your hair and take a deep breath. You flick your hair out of your face and calm back down.

“Nightmares are made for us to keep our instincts in check in a sense. Fight or flight. It can help ‘prepare’ your for situations that might not be welcomed.” She tells you.

“But what does it mean? I’ve had it a few times now.” You ask, jiggling your leg.

“It could mean that Karkat is aware that there might be a time when it’s best to let you give it your own try, rather than sticking by his ways or even by his side. It doesn’t have to mean that you two ended badly, or are even really apart.”

“Okay.” You nod and listen.

“Like you said, you feel he’s safe and in then end, he’s back to wake you up. So tell me, Dave, where are you two off to that it might be best to be apart but still together?” She tilts her head slightly. You think it over for a minute.

“Maybe college?” You suggest. She hums, pleased with your response, and nods.

“You two may spend a lot of time apart while you continue your studies, but you’re both attending the same school aren’t you?”

“Well, yeah.” You say.

“There you have it then. Separate but together. You have nothing to worry about.” She smiles at you.

“I don’t know how we’re going to live together.”

“Live together?” She asks.

“Like are we going to stay in the same apartment or what, y’know?”

“Dave, have you asked him this?” She chuckles.

“I… No.” You sigh.

“I think my work here is done then.” She gets up and grabs your empty bowls.

“Seems so.” You say.

“Feel any better?” She asks, setting them in the sink.

“Yeah.”

“Good. Now go see if you can put the words together to ask him about what you need to know. My mother should be on her way home and it’s her turn to host poker night.” Rose says, rinsing off a couple of other dishes in the sink.

“How scandalous, poker night.” You smirk.

“Your hour is up Mr. Strider. Please, let the next patient in on your way out.” She chuckles.

“Yes Dr. LaLonde.” You say, packing up your books and shoving them into your bag. She sees you out with a smile and wave. You wave back and adjust your bag across your shoulders and walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	34. If You Love Him, Let Him Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> -Davekat  
> -Fluff   
> -Flirting   
> -Food   
> -Racial stereotypes   
> -Gamzee

            You are walking along side Karkat, holding his hand in yours and swinging your arms gently. You take a deep breath and tell yourself that it’s going to be okay. You two are heading towards Gamzee’s shop. You focus on the sounds of you feet hitting the pavement instead of the loud thumping in your chest. You cling to his hand.

            Although Karkat assures you that it’s nothing more than a snack bar now, it still makes you nervous of a potential breakdown. He squeezes your hand in a reassuring manner. You got this. This is got.

“Dave please, it’s not even in the same building anymore. It’s across the street.” He smiles at you.

“I know but still…” You chew your lip.

“Still what?”

“I’m nervous.” You admit. He stops walking, and takes both of your hands in his.

“We don’t have to go if you’re not ready.”

“I should be fine. I hope.”

“You say that, but you’re acting as if you’ve been dating me for a year and are coming to my family’s Christmas dinner to finally meet my parents and my Mamá Grande. That and your sweaty palms tell me you are going to ask my dear father for my hand.” He looks down at your hands.

“Your brother will look me dead in the eyes and be like, _‘Answer me these riddles three’_.” You say. He rolls his eyes.

“If that ever were the case, he’d probably just ask you how you plan on providing and what the golden rule is. But that’ll be in a couple of years,” He turns red. “Maybe.”

“Yeah.” You bring his hand to your face and kiss his knuckles. He smiles and laces his fingers with yours.

“Come on, I really want you to try a _mangonada_ and some _tosti locos_.”

“Mango what now?” You ask. He chuckles.

“Oh you’ll see. It’s like a smoothie. A very loaded smoothie.”

“Oh? Sounds yummy.”

“It is. Most of what he’s serving up is stuff like that. Ice cream, smoothies, chips, stuff like that y’know?”

“Like those weird ice cream trucks?”

“By ‘weird’ do you mean ‘Mexican’?” He gives you a look.

“I guess? I don’t know. They have the spray painted Tweety Bird and shit.”

“Not everything you’re not used to has to be ‘weird’. But oh yeah, I know what you mean. That’s exactly the kind of stuff he’s got. He’s been planning this for years dude, I’s so fucking happy for him. He finally gathered up his shit and is doing this for himself.”

“That’s good.” You agree, walking again. He nods in agreement and is the one to start swinging your arms again.

“But that place is good right?” You double check.

“Yeah. No drugs, no alcohol, nada. He said that there’s so many kids that pass by and they all seem hungry and thirsty.”

“Bet his makes hella dough.” You say. _You can do this._

“That would be his goal.”

“He’s pretty smart.”

“When he wants to be. _‘Munchies’_ is what he ended up naming the place.”

“Beautiful. Holy shit.”

“Yep. Truly a masterpiece. Straight out of Gamzee’s own busted empty pie-pan of brain.

“Pie-pan? Is there a story for that?”

“Only based on the shit he’s told me while high.” Karkat hums.

“The things Gamzee comes up with.” You mumble.

“You also said a bunch of ridiculous shit when you were off your rocker.”

“I… Yeah. True.” You admit.

“ _‘Goblin has a great ass’_.” He uses your voice again.

“Oh my god.” You groan. He bites his lip and wiggles his eyebrows at you. You recall saying it but only distantly.

“Well you do,” You check it out. “A nice ass indeed.”

“Hey!” He swats at your arm and lets go of your hand. He uses them to cover his booty.

“Wish I could be your hands. I’d touch your booty all day.” You tease. He groans loudly and walks faster towards the shop. You laugh and chase after him. You can hear his laugh as he takes a shortcut through the alleyway.

“Dave.” He whines.

“Yeah?” You ask, catching up as he slows down. You swoop him up into your arms and spin him around. He clings tightly to you and squeals.

“Dave!” He laughs. You give him a tight squeeze and he covers his face. He smiles and cups your face with his hands. You tap his nose gently and he rolls his eyes.

“Get in the shop.” He says.

“Lead the way.”

“The door is literally there, but sure. As soon as you let me go.”

“Fine.” You whine, setting him back down on his feet. He’s still got a nice red tint to his cheeks as he takes you by the hand and pulls you inside the doors. You look around the place.

            It’s rather spacious inside, plenty of room to sit. One wall to your right is painted in some dark color, and has a variety of bright neon paint and chalk drawings. The rest of the walls are a much brighter yellow color. You follow Karkat up to the small bar across from you. He asks a guy working on the other side for Gamzee.

            You take this time to check out the whiteboard secured to the wall above the bar. On it is the menu, written in various colors and at the bottom is a small drawing of a clown. The guy disappears and comes back shortly, Gamzee walking right behind him.

“Dude, this place actually looks pretty decent. Did Goat Daddy help out or was it all you and Kurloz?” Karkat asks him.

“Kurloz.” Gamzee smiles. The name sounds vaguely familiar.

“Of course.” Karkat hums.

“Who’s Kurloz?” You ask.

“His older brother.” Karkat replies.

“Oh.” So that’s why it sounds familiar.

“Anyways, how’s your first week open going? This place is packed, but are you selling?” Karkat turns his attention back to Gamzee.

“Nah. Just family friendly goodies.” He rocks on his feet. Karkat chuckles and smiles softly.

“That’s what I meant, idiot. You’ve been good Gamzee.”

“Yeah.” He wiggles just slightly. You give Karkat’s hand a squeeze. He looks back at the menu and finds what he’s looking for.

“So, can I get a large _Mangonanda_ and some _Tosti locos_?” He asks.

“A’ight. Comin’ up.” Gamzee says, writing it down on a little notepad. Karkat takes his wallet out and Gamzee waves him off.

“Shh, it’s on the house.”

“Oh come on, it’s your opening week.” Karkat opens up his wallet.

“And it’s been fine.” Gamzee shrugs.

“Fine.” Karkat says, looking him dead in the eyes as he slips a twenty into the tip jar. You smile softly and Gamzee snickers.

“A’ight.”

“Get me my fucking drink Gamzee, I have a _güero_ to force my culture’s palate on.” Karkat crosses his arms.

“A what?” You look over at Karkat. Gamzee just waves and spins around, moving to the back again. Karkat drags you along and takes a seat outside with you.

“ _Güero_. Cute blond boyfriend.” He sticks his tongue out at you. You sit across from him and raise an eyebrow.

“Oh really?” You are pretty certain there needs to be a few more words in there but you’ll take it.

“Mhmm.” He hums, playing with a napkin holder. You rest your chin on your hand and he glances up at you. You watch him think something over before opening his mouth to say it.

“You know… I met you at Gamzee’s old shop almost a whole year ago.”

“And now we’re here.”

“Yeah. Now we’re here.” He smiles, tracing the edge of the holder. You slide your hand across the table and take his in yours. The two of you stay like that for a bit, enjoying the silence that falls between you. When his name gets called he gives your hand a squeeze and goes back in. He comes back a moment later carrying his spoils. He sets the food down and takes a sip of his drink.

“You want to try the drink or the chips first?” He asks.

“I’m not sure. It looks suspicious.”

“Ah yes, red. The color of Satan himself.” He rolls his eyes. You poke a bit at them, before picking up one of the chips and stuffing it into your mouth. Karkat gives you a pleased smirk as he watches your face.

“Yes, Dave?”

“It’s very good. What the fuck.”

“Sour, salty, spicy, and sweet. All at once. That’s how.” He says, stealing a couple of chips for himself. You grab the drink and take a small sip of it too. You figure this must be what a mango tastes like. It’s not bad at all.

“Yummy.” You say.

“Right?” Karkat smiles excitedly. You smile at him and continue to poke around at the chips together. You two enjoy this spur of the moment date together. Karkat takes your free hand and holds it in his.

“So…” He starts.

“So?” You prompt.

“Kankri says that if we start saving now, I can get his car by the time I register for classes at the college. He could get himself a newer model. Cronus said he’d give it a new paint job if I wanted too.” He says. He did tell you that he was successful at his test and now he sports a nice new license.

“Oh shit. Really?”

“Yeah. He said I could borrow it for now, but could keep it when he gets a new ride. So maybe we can go out on the weekends away from campus.” He smiles.

“Fuck yeah. Ice-cream dates. We gotta.” You say. Karkat chuckles softly. A thought tickles at the back of your mind. It slowly makes its way up to your tongue and makes an attempt to spill out your mouth.

“So uh.” You try your best to gather up the words the best you can.

“Hmm?” Karkat looks up at you while sipping at his drink.

“Um, when should we look at the places near the college?” You ask.

“Oh. Well, you can go get a tour and see all the buildings where the classes are held? They’ll also show us the dorms there too.”

“The dorms?”

“Yeah, y’know, dormitories?” He gives you a strange look.

“I know what a dorm is.” You stick your tongue out at him.

“Then?”

“Then… Where are _we_ staying?” You ask softly.

“… _We?_ As in both of us together?”

“I… Yes?” You chew on your lip.

“You… Um, I don’t think you can chose your roommate, Dave?” He tilts his head slightly. You don’t know how to clarify what you’re asking for, and this whole thing is getting to be a bit perplexing on your part.

“You’re really confusing me,” He pauses, running his thumb over your knuckles. “What did you have in mind?”

“I-I just kind of figured we’d be um, I dunno. In an apartment by the school.” You manage to say.

“Together?”

“Yeah.” You nod. He slowly turns red.

“O-Oh. Dave, I uh. Aren’t we um, y’know?” He gestures vaguely. You shake your head, not understanding what he’s talking about.

“Aren’t we too young to be living together?”

“Um, how?” You ask.

“Dave, we’ve been dating for four months. And uh, we’re still underage.” He says. You chew on your lip and nod.

“That’s alright.” You decide. _Let him go, like Rose said._ Karkat leans closer and takes your other hand in his, and squeezes both gently.

“Dave, I’d love to. One day. Not um, not right now though.” He’s redder than the sauce on these chips. He glances up at you with a small nervous smile. You lace your fingers together.

“Yeah?” You ask. He glances away.

“Well I always planned on staying at the dorms but um, if you really prefer an apartment, I could always visit you on the weekends.” He looks back over at you. You smile warmly at him.

“Yeah, totally.”

“Yeah,” He squeezes your hands. “Plus, you won’t get tired of me.”

“I doubt I ever will.” You tell him, bringing his knuckles to your lips.

“Well, in the year I’ve known you, you have turned quite the other way around Mr. Strider. First, you wanted me to get lost. Now, you never want to let me go.” He squeezes your hands.

“Life works in mysterious ways.” You say.

“It does, doesn’t it? I bet I was a major pain in your ass that night.” He hums, taking one of his hands back. He rests his chin on his palm.

“Okay, be honest with me. When did you look my way and think, _‘Oh no, he’s cute’_?”

“Kind of always?” You say.

“Oh really?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Your cute booty, got me like _‘Dayum’_.” You tease. He rolls his eyes and takes his other hand back. He grabs a couple more of the chips and eats them.

“But then, your eyes sparkled.” You say more seriously. He stops mid bite and starts turning red all over again.

“Sparkled?”

“Sparkled. You smiled, and they just lit up.” You tell him. He looks at you, listening to your every word right now. So you take a deep breath and keep going.

“Fuck man, your smile too. Nice. And your nose.” You say.

“My nose?” He laughs

“Yeah man, your nose. And that little beauty mark by your eye.” You watch as he subconsciously touches the mark there. You smile at him and he looks like he wants to cover up his whole face.

“Your freckles too, those are perfect. I love them. I love you.” You sigh wistfully. He gets up out of his seat and walks over to you. He cups your cheeks and tilts your face up, claiming your lips in a kiss. You hum happily and you kiss him back.

“I love you too you distasteful tumbleweed.” He says when you two break apart.

“I love you so much.” You whisper against his lips. He chuckles and wraps his arms around you. You hold him close and feel him bury his face into your hair. You don’t mind in the slightest.

“I see what you’re doing. Trying to make me fall deeper in love with you. I see you.” He mumbles.

“Is it working?” You ask.

“I’m fucking swooning,” He kisses your forehead. “Let’s go home before I can no longer stand on my own.”

“I’ll carry you.” You say, standing up and stretching.

“Tempting offer.” Karkat picks up your empty food tray and tosses it into the garbage bin. He keeps the cup, and walks back over to you. You gasp when he gives your booty a slap as he walks back towards home. _Fine then._ You carefully walk over to him and scoop him up into your arms like a bride. He loops his arms around your neck, careful of the drink in his hands.

“Dave!” He gasps.

“Yes?” You chuckle.

“Be careful. Put me down, I am precious cargo!” He pouts up at you.

“I know. The most precious of all.” You say.

“Oh shut your pie hole.” He grumbles, blushing.

“Never.” You smile. He shuts it for you with a small kiss.

“Okay. Now, let me go.” He says.

“Fine. Only because I love you.” You carry him just a bit longer before eventually setting him back down. Hand in hand you head for home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	35. Paging Dr. Nerdlove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> -Service animal (dog)  
> -Jade  
> -Cali  
> -Mentions of panic attack/anxiety  
> -mentions of panic/anxiety  
> -Bec is a cutie  
> -Mentions of Violence (on school grounds)  
> -Not so mysterious, mysterious Date

             You are currently curled up with Karkat on the couch at his place. The two of you are watching some movie that you are honest to god _trying_ to pay attention to. However, you are more focused on the warmth of his body where it rests against yours. His chest pressed to your back, leg thrown over your hip, and of course a hand in your hair scratching gently at you scalp. It’s cozy and soothing and threatens to put you to sleep.

You are distantly aware of Karkat making some comment about the character’s life choices on-screen, which you reply with a lazy hum. He doesn’t mind. You think you could lie just like this for hours. Spend the whole day wrapped up in his arms with his voice gently murmuring by your ear. All of your tension just melts away like this. You can tell that his does too.

            But, life is always keeping you on your toes. A fact, that comes to remind you at random intervals throughout the course of your life. Today it’s the sudden vibration of your phone on the table, clattering loudly and startling the two of you. It cries about being blinded by science. You sit up and rub at your face, reaching out and answering your phone.

“Yeah Jade, what’s up?” You stretch your neck.

“Daaaaave.” She whines loudly.

“Jaaaaaade.” You whine back like the adult you are.

“I think someone is trying to ask me out, and they’re being _so_ cute! But I’m nervous; I don’t want to fuck it up Dave. Do I ask first? Should I wait? What do I do?”

“Okay, okay, slow down. Someone’s trying to ask you out?” It’s best if you take it from the top. Especially so that your partner in crime and self proclaimed ‘Romance Expert’, Karkat can hear.

“Mhmm. I think so?”

“Like, how was it phrased? What’d they say?”

“Well, um, we’ve talked like this for a while now. And they’re always very nice and all.” She pauses, you figure she’s most likely chewing her lip.

“Uh-huh.” You gesture for the remote to turn the TV down.

“And um, right now, they sent me a message. It was about being bored and how they’d like to go out and I’m like, ‘Out? With me or as friends?’. I haven’t replied yet.” She explains.

“How long ago was that?” You ask as Karkat turns down his TV. There’s a pause in the conversation as Jade checks, but her voice is back soon enough.

“Three minutes ago. Like, as soon as it happened I called.”

“Okay well, do you _want_ to go out with them? In a non-platonic date sense?”

“Um, well I…” She trails off.

“Of course she does you idiot.” Karkat rolls his eyes. You reach over and very gently pap his cheek. He pushes your hand away and huffs.

“Tell her to send them a message saying that it’d be fun. ‘It’d be fun to go out sometime’ or ‘That’d be nice’.”

“Is that Karkat?” Jade asks

“Yep,” You say, popping the ‘p’, “Sorry, he heard it all.”

“It’s fine, Dave will be there in a few minutes. Send them that now though!” Karkat says, leaning over your shoulder to make his voice clearer in your phone.

“I will?” You look over at him.

“Yes, you selfish prick. I’ll be here, you go help her.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll be there in a bit then Jade.” You tell her.

“Alright, I just sent it. Thank you.” She says. You hang up the phone and Karkat quickly grabs you by the arm and hauls you up.

“C’mon, I’ll drive.” He says.

“Sweet.” That’ll save you the walking time, and your legs. He leads you down to the parking lot. You follow behind him, kicking a rock across the pavement for good measure. He fishes the keys from his pocket and unlocks the car, gesturing for you to get in. You slide easily into the passenger’s seat, clicking the seatbelt into place. You direct him to Jade’s house easily, only missing one turn because you weren’t paying attention.

“Be back later?” You ask, leaning over and pecking his lips.

“Go help your patient, Dr. Nerdlove.” He sighs happily, and you press another kiss to his nose.

“Let you know when we’re done.” You kiss his forehead for good measure.

“Please.” He says, kissing your cheek. You smile and hum, unclicking your seatbelt. You jog up to the door and alternate between knocking and ringing the bell. Annoying, yes, but also makes it obvious as to who it is. It also forces Jade to come answer the door or to listen to Bec as he goes crazy.

            You hear his loud barks from out here, and can figure out where in the house he is as he charges for the door. Jade can’t be too far behind. A quick glance over your shoulder shows Karkat still waiting by the driveway. You offer him a smile. He nods back. The door swings open shortly after, Jade and Bec both just on the other side.

“Daaaaave!” Jade whines, pushing the door open enough for you to walk in. You quickly wave at Karkat who starts to pull away from his place now.

“Hey. I’m here.” You walk inside and close the door.

“I sent what Karkat said.” She tells you.

“And?” You ask, petting Bec’s head as he sniffs your legs.

“And they said ‘Would you like to join me?’ They’re so smooth. It’s not even funny.” She flops face first onto her couch. She pulls her phone out a couple seconds later, looking back over the messages. You sit on the floor next to her.

“So you got yourself a date.”

“I haven’t said yes, so no. Not yet.”

“But you want to right? Like 100 percent.” You look up at her. Bec joins you on the floor, curling up. Jade reaches down and pets him.

“Mmm, 80 percent.”

“Only 80?” You raise an eyebrow.

“20 percent is scared. I’ve never been asked out before.” She heaves a big sigh and buries her face into the arm of the couch. You find the corner of your lips twitch up into a small smile.

“What if I mess up? What do I wear?” She asks.

“You’re not going to mess up, and it depends on where you go.” You shrug. She crawls off the couch and curls up with Bec, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I know…” She murmurs. Bec licks her cheek.

“So, let’s start at the beginning. You want to go out with ‘em, but you’re scared?” You ask. She nods and hides her face in Bec’s chest.

“That’s honestly, normal. I was scared to ask Karkat out, even for Valentine’s Day. My hands were shaky the night before and I could barely sleep. It felt like my heart would break out of my chest from how hard it was pounding.”

“Did you want to be with him more than you were scared?” She asks.

“Definitely. It’s what gave me the courage to try.” You tell her. Jade stares at her phone her face redder than a tomato. She doesn’t really look like she’s breathing and some tears have gathered at her eyes. You think she’s shaking but it’s hard to tell.

“Do you need me to type yes for you? I’ll do it if you want.” You offer. She hands you her phone and nods. The moment you take it from her, she wraps her arms around Bec.

“Is ‘Yeah, I’d love to’ okay?” You ask, typing it in. She nods. You tap the send button and shift to sit by her and Bec on the floor.

“Okay, I sent it.” You reach over and comb your fingers through her hair. The two of you wait for a moment for the reply. You look down at the screen when her phone chimes.

 

\-- undyingUmbra [UU] began cheering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

GG: yeah id love to :)

UU: yay! what soUnds fun?

 

     You tilt the phone towards Jade. You let her read it and give her a small smile. She blushes brightly and hides her face in Bec’s scruff. She laughs nervously.

“What sounds fun? Movie? Dinner? Arcade?” You ask her.

“Tell them ‘Anything with you sounds fun’.” She says softly.

“Nice.” You nod in agreement.

 

GG: anything with you sounds fun!!

UU: hehe, if yoU think so! perhaps a movie? is there anything interesting oUt?

 

“Movie and the arcade by the mal? Tell them they can choose and I’ll take care of the snacks.” Jade tells you when she reads the message.

 

GG: you can pick the movie and ill take care of the snacks

GG: and after we could go to that arcade over by the mall

GG: bet i can win you some sweet tickets for one boss ass prize

 

“Dave!” Jade nudges you.

“What? It’s true isn’t it?” You ask.

 

UU: that soUnds wonderfUll!

UU: i'll see yoU soon then? ^_^

 

“They’re so cute!” Jade whines, covering her face.

“Tell me about ‘em.” You look over at her.

“First, tell them I’ll see them around seven if that’s okay.”

 

GG: 7 good?

UU: perfect!

UU: ill see yoU then!

GG: hell yeah :)

\-- undyingUmbra [UU] ceased cheering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

 

“Aww, cute.” You say.

“Shush!” Jade lets go of Bec and covers her face. Bec lays down between you and you scratch at his head.

“Now, tell me.” You look over at her.

“Tell you what?”

“About your date.” You nudge her gently with your shoulder. Her blush increases as she pulls her hands away from her face to play with her hair.

“Do I know them?” You ask. She shakes her head.

“They’re new. Um, they moved her from California and I have them in all my classes.” Jade twists her hair around her fingers.

“Lucky you. Obviously they’re cute since you like them too.”

“Yeah.” She smiles.

“What’s their name?”

“Oh um. Well, they like to be called Cali”

“Cali?” You hum. You try to recall if you have heard the name before around campus. You come up empty however. Jade nods, untangling her fingers. She misses the mischievous smirk that blossoms on your face.

“Jade and Cali, sitting in a tree.” You start.

“Dave!” She screeches, kicking your leg.

“Ow! Hey, you did it to me.” You grumble, rubbing the sore spot left behind. She chuckles.

“I know, sorry.” She can’t seem to stop smiling. It makes you rather happy for her.

“You really like ‘em?” You ask, though it seems obvious. She covers her face once more and flops gracefully onto her side.

“Yeah.”

“Aww.”

“Shut up Dave!” She laughs. You laugh with her, leaning back against the couch.

“About time huh? I mean you, John and Rose…” She says after a moment.

“John’s a wild card.” You mention.

“You’ve had someone and I…I was always a backup wheel.” She mumbles.

“…Did we make you feel that way?” You ask softly.

“I don’t think it was ever done on purpose.” She sits up.

“Still, I’m sorry that I did at least.” You apologize.

“I’d hear you guys make plans for triple dates and double dates and all that stuff. I kind of felt like I _had_ to look for someone,” She continues. “But I think they found me.”

“Your own Prince Charming,” You pause for a second. “Prince? Princess?”

“Uh… Monarch Charming!” Jade says.

“Monarch in shining armor.” You nod. She looks over at you and you offer her a soft smile.

“Rose always told me I’d find a nice guy, and John always teased me I’d find a girl like Rose did. Jokes on them both!” She chuckles.

“Now you can flip ‘em both off.” You agree. She nods in a way that makes you think she’s actually going to do it the next time she sees them both. You look at the time on her phone.

“You’ve got a couple of hours, want to start getting ready?” You ask her.

“Hmm. Only if you help me.” She crosses her arms.

“Of course. First things first.”

“Hm?”

“Take a shower you fucking hippie.” You nudge her with your foot.

“Fiiiiine.” She whines and gets up.

“I’ll rummage through your closet for something to wear?” You suggest.

“Yeah, and look for Bec’s vest too please?”

“Where is it?”

“Somewhere in my closet. I haven’t put it on him since I went to the grocery store with Grandpa.” She says. You get up to your feet.

“A’ight. C’mon Bec. Let’s get your mama something nice to wear.” You pat your leg. Bec wags his tail and barks.

“Wish me luck.” You say to Jade.

“Good luck Dave.” She chuckles and leaves. Bec darts out of the room, you have an idea of where he’s going.

            You make your way upstairs and push open the door to Jade’s room. Her bed is neat and made, a thing that you still have problems doing. You kick a plush doll on accident. It slides a bit on the floor and you are quick to pick it up. It’s one of those octopus things she likes. You toss it onto her bed before it can creep you out. Bec is waiting by the closet door.

“Alright you furry beast, let’s get started.” You pet his head. He nips at your hand. It’s nothing too serious but enough to get your attention. You pout down at him.

“Jerk.” You mumble, opening the closet door. You give it a quick look around and then glance down at Bec.

“Hope I don’t find something I’m not supposed to.” Bec simply wags his tail and looks at the clothes. You do the same, taking a small step back and crossing your arms.

“Okay, so… Movie and arcade, with a good first impression slash ‘ask me for a second date’. Shouldn’t be too hard,” You hum and look over the clothes with more scrutiny. “What do you think Cali’s going to wear?” You ask Bec. He lies down and looks up at you. You nod in agreement, lying down on the floor with him.

“Good idea.” You tell him, pulling your phone out of your pocket and calling Karkat. Your phone doesn’t even make it to the second ring, a fact that makes you smile as Karkat answers.

“How is she? How’d it go?” He asks excitedly.

“So, if you were a girl going on her first date with a Monarch Charming, what do you wear?” You ask. He squeals, actually squeals. _That’s fucking adorable._

“Okay! Where to?”

“Movie and arcade.”

“No dinner?” He asks.

“Hey, they might hit it up later.” You shrug.

“Tell her to get them ice cream after the movie then.” He hums.

“’Kay.”

“Let me check the forecast for tonight.” He says. You hear the rustling of his phone being moved. You reach over and try petting Bec again. This time he seems more agreeable with you, allowing you to pet his side.

“Where is she?” Karkat asks.

“In the shower.” You tell him.

“Do you know how to do hair and makeup?”

“Uh… Vaguely.”

“Should you call Rose?”

“I don’t want to overwhelm Jade.” You say. Karkat makes a soft noise of agreement.

“She’s cute either way. Just be sure to dry her hair! Maybe some lipstick and mascara.”

“If she has some.” You say.

“Are you near her closet?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You look up at the clothes.

“Check for a sundress.” He tells you. You roll over and get on your feet.

“What’s a sundress look like?” You ask, sliding the hangers around and looking at the dresses.

“Straps, usually colorful. It’s what Feferi wears to pool parties.”

“Uhh,” You locate a few and pull them out. “Okay, now what?”

“Now find shoes that match.” He says. You set the dresses on the bed and make various sounds of distress while looking for shoes.

“Are you dying or something?”

“I’m just _so_ not good at this.” You tell him, dragging out several pairs of shoes and placing them over by the dresses.

“I know, you’re a mess. Send me some pictures.” He chuckles.

“’Kay.” You take your phone a quickly switch between apps, opening up your camera and taking a quick picture of the outfits. You bring your phone back to your ear once it sends. He’s quiet for a few moments before coming back to you.

“Does she have any flats?” You move to the closet and poke around in there.

“Have you seen flats Bec?” He barks and darts out of the room. Moments later he’s back with the shoes held gently in his mouth.

“Oh shit. Thanks,” You take them from Bec and return to Karkat. “Got ‘em.”

“Perfect.”

“Did you find something?” Jade asks, walking in wearing her sports bra and boxers.

“You have some choices.” You gesture to her bed and set the flats down by the rest of the shoes. She smiles and walks over, drying her hair with her towel.

“I’m going to help her finish getting ready. I’ll take pics when she’s done.” You tell Karkat.

“Alright. Wish her good luck for me!”

“I will.” You promise and hang up the phone. Now that you have both hands available, you dig through her closet more easily. You are quick to locate Bec’s service vest hidden under a rumpled pair of pants.

“You have a hair dryer?” You ask her.

“Probably in Grandpa’s bathroom.” She says, setting her towel over the back of her chair.

“A’ight, I’ll go look.” You make your way over there. Her grandpa’s bathroom smells too clean with a slight touch of aftershave. It’s also way too pristine and you find yourself rather uncomfortable in here. You open up the cabinets and locate the hairdryer shoved into a box with some other grooming supplies. You are quick to leave.

            When you make you’re way back to her room, already changed into her choice of outfit and attempting to brush her hair. Bec is sitting by her side, ever the loyal dog. You walk up behind her and hand the hairdryer to her.

“Here.” You wiggle it when she doesn’t grab it. She turns slowly and looks up at you questioningly.

“You don’t know how to use this do you?” You ask her.

“I just hook it up don’t I? How hard can it be?” She huffs, plugging it in to the extension cord by her vanity. You don’t say anything, letting her try first. You watch as she just barely runs it through her hair, hardly spending time in the wet patches.

“Okay. I. Jade this is hurting me.” You finally crack. She turns off the dryer.

“What? Why?”

“Please, hand it to me.” You hold out your hand. She pouts but turns it over to you. You move closer to her and give her a smile in the mirror.

“You did good, you just need help.” She nods and looks over herself in the mirror as well. You turn the dryer on a different setting than she was using and turn it on. You carefully dry out all the patches she left, before switching to where it’s still totally soaked. She watches you work and smiles. You turn it off once its all dry and take her brush.

“Do you think this is okay? Is it too much? Too little? What if they think I look silly?” She asks as you run it through her hair, gently working on the tangles. You tap her head lightly with the brush.

“I think you look great, and if they don’t agree I’ll kick their ass.” You tell her, finishing up.

“Don’t! They’re soft,” She pouts at you. “They already have enough bullies.”

“Then don’t worry.” You set the brush on the table. She leans forward and stares at her face.

“But I do worry… Mainly about them though, not so much myself.” She sits back.

“Like what?” You ask.

“Like… What if they get hurt? What if people stare and make Cali uncomfortable? It’s easier to call people out at school or even tell the teachers but the mall doesn’t really have a principal.” She sadly chuckles. You are silent and find yourself tapping your fingers on her chair. She looks at you in the mirror again. You brace yourself.

“Is this how you and Rose feel?” There it is, that lovely million-dollar question. It’s one that always gets asked by those who suddenly find themselves to not ‘fit’ in the boxes set by society to those who’ve been there for longer. And god, do you wish it wasn’t true.

“Yeah. It is.” You nod. You know the stares and threats. You know Rose does too. It’s uncomfortable and disgusting when it happens. Jade hums, distracting you from your train of thought.

“Well, I’m not going to let anyone mess with Cali!” She says, a determined glint in her eyes. Your lips quirk into a small smile.

“Yeah, that’s the spirit.”

“Or you, or Rose, or Karkat, or Kanaya!” She turns around to face you. _Which reminds you._

“Speaking of Kanaya.” You start.

“Yeah! I know! Don’t worry though, John and I took care of it.” She crosses her arms triumphantly. You smile a bit more genuinely.

“Oh really?”

“Mhmm.”

“What did you two do?” You ask.

“I saw one of ‘em try to sneak up behind her. So _I_ snuck up behind _him_. I told him to leaver her alone. He said that he had a buddy I wouldn’t want to mess with.” She grabs her brush and glares at the mirror.

“Oh boy.”

“So, I grabbed my buddy John and we grabbed him and his buddy. Then we scared the hell out of them.” She smiles sickeningly sweet as she parts her hair how she likes it.

“Good.” You say, grabbing her dresses still on the bed and placing them back in the closet.

“Why are people such assholes, Dave? Like, we’re the only species that attacks itself. Has it always been this way or am I just noticing it more because I’m older?” She turns around in her chair to face you again.

“You’re seeing more that’s all. It happens as you get older and shit.” You toss her shoes in to the closet and shut the doors.

“So um. What do I do?” She asks.

“If someone stares, ignore ‘em. If they get in your face and try to grab you, hit ‘em.” You tell her, sitting on the bed. She chuckles.

“If they reek of alcohol, just call the cops.”

“I think we’ll stay away from anything, ‘Grill and Bar’. Just the theater and the arcade.” She says.

“Yeah. You should be safe.” God you hope so. She smiles softly and scratches Bec’s ear.

“Oh! Here’s his vest.” You grab it from its place next to you and pass it to her.

“Thanks.” Bec sits up immediately. Once she slips it on, it’s like he’s a completely different dog.

“Pics?” You ask, tapping the back of your phone.

“Why not?” She gets up and smiles brightly. You take a few of her like that and a few more when she does a silly pose.

“Aww, baby’s first date,” You coo, snapping another picture when she laughs. “Also, Karkat wishes you good luck.”

“I should get going soon huh?” She asks, fingers threading through her hair.

“Yeah, I hope you have fun.” You send the pictures to Karkat.

“Do I have to drop you off at your apartment?”

“Uh, sure. That’d be nice.”

“Alright! Let’s go Bec.” She grabs her purse and makes sure her things are all tucked inside. You follow after her. You watch as she leaves a note on the fridge for her grandpa. She locks up her house and you wait by her car.

“Make sure you two are safe.” You tell her as you get in.

“Promise.” She says, starting the car.

“Kiss if you want.”

“Dave.” She whines.

“Sex is a maybe.”

“Dave!!” She smacks your arm. Bec barks at you from the backseat. Your phone buzzes insistently in your pocket. You pull it out and unlock it.

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: I'M STILL AT MY PLACE BY THE WAY.

CG: SO HOW IS SHE?

TG: shes excited

CG: AWW.

TG: did you see the pix i sent

CG: YEAH I DID. WONDERFULLY DONE DR. NERDLOVE.

CG: HMM.

 

            Jade pulls up to your complex and you unbuckle your seatbelt, thanking her for the ride.

“Thank you for the help.” She says.

“No problem.” You close the door and wave. She waves back and drives off. You look back down at your phone and head inside.

TG: hmm?

CG: SO A DATE ON A NICE AUTUMN NIGHT HUH?

TG: yeah

CG: THAT SOUNDS NICE.

TG: it does

CG: YEAH?

CG: WHAT ELSE SOUNDS NICE?

TG: you

 

            You jog up the staircase and stand outside his door. Your phone buzzes angrily in your hand.

 

CG: DAVE, I’M BEING SERIOUS. I’M TRYING TO ASK YOU OUT ON A DATE YOU ASS NUGGET.

TG: why dont you open your door and find out then

            Your finger hovers over the end chat button when the door opens itself. You lean forward against the frame and smile at Karkat.

“Let’s go?”

“Go?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Out.” You jerk your head in the direction of the elevator.

“Right _now_ , right now?” He asks.

“Why not?”

“Where to?”

“I dunno, surprise me.” You challenge. He hums and taps his lips. You catch yourself staring before he does thankfully.

“I’ve got an idea.” He tells you, smiling.

“Oh? What is it?”

“You’ll see. Go get a jacket and a few blankets.”

“A’ight.” You nod.

“I’ll swing by your place around eight.” He pushes himself on his toes to kiss your cheek.

“Okay.” You smile brightly at him. You make your way back to your apartment and gather the items like he said. Sure enough he shows up at eight like he promised, and leads you down to his car for one hell of an autumn night date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	36. Sloppy Seconds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Drugs Mention  
> \- Drug Addiction  
> \- Slight Relapse  
> \- Abusive Parents  
> \- Scars (in picture)

At school it’s been Karkat who had built himself a reputation of being Mr. Grouch. All while half the school still thinks you’re a wild hippie and the other half swears that you are the most laid back student to have ever set foot on campus. You’d like to think you could agree with both sides on their opening statements about yourself, but not about Karkat. Especially when you’ve been the one snapping at him all afternoon.

            You really don’t mean to, you never do. You’ve never intended to hurt him in any way, but sometimes you just can’t stop yourself. You can only watch as his expression shifts from one feeling to another after you hiss out a rude comment or snarky remark. You don’t blame him, there is only so much the guy can take.

            You don’t want to do it, never. But you feel the words leave your lips and you watch as he pulls away from you and crosses his arms. He knows exactly what’s wrong with you, and he knows how to stop it just about as much as you do. The answers are all there, but do you take what you need? _Of course not._ Because you’re too busy _wishing_ you didn’t need the help instead of thanking Big G and his mini-me J-man.

            Karkat’s pissed at you and that only makes you more pissed at yourself. The two of you can play that game! Oh he’s upset with you? Well guess what babe, I’m even more pissed at myself! Do you think I want to ruin my evening? Well now I’m going to stay pissed at nothing in particular out of spite.

            You let him get up and make his way down the hall, probably to his room, and just like that, you realize how lonely you are. He didn’t yell at you, he didn’t even raise his voice past that normal heavy tone he has. He simply got tired of your shit and went to his room. He makes it seem so damn easy sometimes. Like, just leave what’s bothering you behind, go some place where it isn’t.

            So with that example you get up from the couch, where you do your best to leave all you self hatred, that itch, that deep guilt, and you force yourself to make it down the hall. That’s it, it’s all back there. You’ve chosen to leave it behind there for now, for today. _Heh, no wonder it’s one day at a time._

            You peek into Karkat’s room and find him faced down against his pillow, ram plushie in arm. You’re sorry, and you know he knows. So with that in mind you join him in his bed, but give him some space. After a few seconds he feels around for you. You lean your head closer and let out a deep sigh when he cups your cheek.

You don’t look at him and he doesn’t look at you. How could he right now? He’s hurt and angry at you and yet he refuses to let you even _think_ he’s abandoned you. You’re sorry, and you know he knows, but you know how much it would mean to him if you just fucking _said_ so.

            You nuzzle at his palm and softly press your lips against it. You catch him peeking down at you and you look up at him. You’re feeling much better and this is the only way you can tell him that. Your words are gone, you can’t form them, and even if you did there is no way you could organize them to let him know how truly sorry you are.

            He knows this and it’s why he moves closer to you and finally wraps his arms around your neck and he pulls you close. _I didn’t mean to, I am so sorry, I love you. Please forgive me._

 “I know you didn’t mean to, it’s alright. I love you.” He whispers softly against your temple and that is how you know that the universe sent Karkat your way on purpose. You have no doubt about it when he holds you close, just the way you need to be held. When he can hear the soft words that are buried deep in that thick head of yours, past those distressed screams.

            You hold him back and softly apologize to him over and over again. He sighs and sits up so that he can set his ram on his nightstand and focus all of his attention on you. You sit up and hand him your shades so that he can put them beside his plush. You take a deep breath and look at him. You know he’s got a few questions for you so that he can get an idea of what exactly happened this time.

 “Alright, are you okay?”

 “I’m better now, but I’ve also had better days.” You rest your head against his shoulder after he’s settled back down.

 “Are you comfortable?”

 “Yes.”

 “Are you happy?”

 “When I’m like this with you, always.”

 “Are you safe?” He continues.

 “Right now, yes.” You look up at him and he smiles sadly down at you. It’s always such a bittersweet gesture. Sometimes you think you would rather see him pout than smile at you with those sad and tired eyes of his. _He must be so sick and tired of you._

            For now, that’s all he asks you about. Which is for the best. You’re not sure you could get into depth about what got you in a bad mood without getting all crabby again. You chew on your lip and try to think about how you could keep yourself calm without messing with the _‘devil’s lettuce’_ or anything else that could be found in this guy’s garden.

 “You know,” You start off with, “Maybe I could just try smoking regular cigarettes.” and once that sentence is finished, so are you. Karkat literally shoves you off the side of his bed and you hit the ground, hard.

 “You have got to be fucking kidding me! What do you think we’ve been doing this past year? Getting you clean so that you can have pretty pink lungs to fuck up again? Do you know what that shit can do to your teeth? Ever heard of smoker’s tongue Dave? Do you think I want to makeout with a black, fuzzy, wet muscle? _No thanks_!” He all but explodes and you catch that concern and worry in his eyes, and honestly? You see the love right past all of that. You sit up and lose your shit laughing.

 “Oh so now it’s funny!?”

 “God I love you!” You manage to spit out through hard chuckles. Karkat freezes and for once, _you_ leave _him_ speechless. You love him, you love him so damn much. He’s angry, he’s worried and maybe even sick of your shit, but he’s here. He’s here with you, right by your side, and you _love_ him.

            He scoffs and scoots closer to the edge of the bed and looks down at you. You smile at him and forget the damn itch that made you feel shitty in the first place. You get yourself up to your feet and you cup his cheeks. You try to kiss him but he keeps tilting his face away so you give up for now. He does however let you hold him once more and after a few more scoffs on his behalf, and more attempted kisses on yours he finally lets you plant one on his cheek.

 “I hope you weren’t being serious.” He says as he crawls back to the center of his bed.

 “I really don’t know what to tell you, to be honest, but that shouldn’t exactly upset you.” You hum as you join him back on his bed.

 “Is that your way of telling me you were serious, but you don’t think I should care about that sort of thought coming from you?” He leans away from you and you pout.

 “Look, you want me to be honest, and you know my thought process doesn’t always make sense when I get like this, and I’m sorry.” You sigh deeply as you sit up, and stop chasing after him. “What else can I do? I’ve had phases like this before, but this is the longest I’ve gone clean, and they say that whenever you relapse it’s always worse than the last.” You play with your hands and don’t look at him. You don’t think he’s giving you any sort of stink eye, but you rather not have to face any sort of disappointed look either.

 “What do you mean? I didn’t know you had tried to sober up by yourself.” He’s who scoots closer to you this time.

 “Uh,” You have to think about it a bit, “Well, sort of?” You look at him, and he looks at you as if you are speaking in tongues.

 “Oh boy, so,” You gather all your thoughts up and try to figure out what exactly you meant yourself.

 “So I wasn’t always this hooked up on things. It sort of happened gradually, and then all at once.”  You have all of his attention so you continue.

 “Like I would try some stuff out of Bro’s drawer little by little, I’d gather some up at times and have to wait until I had enough for any sort of high. So that would sometimes take weeks. Or wait to be invited to any sort of party with alcohol. So I was sort of limited I guess. But even then I would have this thought of ‘I can leave it whenever I want to, I’m not hooked, I’m in control of this, I only drink, I _only_ use shit when _I_ want to’. So with that in mind, I sort of tried to give myself total control of it.  I didn’t notice when it completely took control of me.” Yous pause for a second and look down at Karkat who doesn’t know if to be worried or supportive, but he encourages you to go on.

            You wrap an arm around him and pull him closer. He rests his head on your chest, and you feel grounded again. _He’s here, you’re not all alone._

 “Now that I think about it, that sort of thought is really dumb. ‘Cause, it is literally _The Thought Of An Addict_. It’s in every movie, every character says it, it’s like the root of addiction.” You stare up at the ceiling and you think you’re ready to really own up to it and admit it. “I’m an addict, Karkat.” It feels so odd to say, but it feels so right in your chest.

            Karkat nods his head, “You’re an addict Dave. An addict in abstinence, and that’s good. Addiction is a disease and has an abstinence-based recovery. So you’ve taken your first steps alone, and that’s amazing.” he says.

            You shake your head and hold him close, “I have _not_ been doing this alone.” You tell him. He smiles softly up at you and you rest your forehead down against his.

            Karkat’s got his eyes closed and from this close you think you could try counting his eyelashes and his freckles if you really wanted a challenge. But instead you cup at his jaw and softly peck at his cheeks and stop only after you see that soft red dusted over his freckles. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this close to anyone before, and although you have had a deep fear of him leaving one day, you don’t really think that day may ever really come.

 “Thank you.” You whisper to him after trading his cheeks for his head.

 “For what?” He hums.

 “For being here. Right beside me.” You take his hands into his and find yourself rambling.

 “Like, no one told you that you had to be here for me. We weren’t even friends when you first walked me home. Or even when you let me spend the night at your house. You just wanted me to be okay, you cared about me since then. God only knows where I’d be right now if you had not stuck around, or if you hadn’t found me at Gamzee’s. You’ve been here for like way longer than even my parents were for me,” You laugh nervously. It’s 100 percent true, but, it kind of stings.  “An absolute stranger was kinder, and even made himself responsible for me, more so than my parents ever did.”

 “What do you mean?” He asks. You take a deep breath.

 “Okay, so, Bro doesn’t know about this. I… I don’t want him to know. And it’s in a different way than wanting to hide my drug use or being hella gay, y’know?”

 “Like?”

 “It’s more of, he hopes I don’t remember them.”

 “So you’re telling me that you’re pretending?” He raises an eyebrow.

 “Pretendin’ I don’t have memories of ‘em, yeah.”

 “Wait, so then you do?”

 “A good chunk of it.” You nod. He looks at you with surprise.

 “So, like, what do you remember?”

 “Nothing good that’s for sure. Even though Bro tried to hide me from it. I wasn’t very old so, it’s just easier to say I don’t really remember them.” You mumble. _A lot of screaming and things being thrown._ He nods.

 “How old were you?”

 “Maybe four? Or at least that’s when I last saw them.” Karkat has gone quiet, playing with his fingers for a moment or two.

 “I think I was a bit younger when mom left.”  
  
 “Was she nice?”  
  
 “I… I don’t remember. Kankri says she was. That she was very kind and smart and funny,” He looks up at you with a sad smile. “We uh… we don’t know if she really left.”

 “That’s,” You pause. “That’s fucked up.”

 “It’s what dad said happened. But now that I’m older, I’m not sure. Part of me is very angry at her. But, I think a massive part of me just wishes she made it out safe.”  
  
 “I think one of my parents is in jail?”

 “What?” Karkat looks up at you.

 “The other one is dead? I think I’ve heard Bro mention that at least. But yeah, in jail. For, I don’t know, many reasons probably.” You chew on your lip and try to recall the last conversation you had with Bro about your folks. Karkat stares up at the ceiling and grips your shirt tightly.

 “Definitely something to do with drugs that’s for sure. Guess that’s…something I had in common with them.” You suppose that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in your case.

 “I’m terrified of having anything in common with my old man. Though, everyone who knew him used to tell me I was a lot like him.” He murmurs. You pull him closer against you.

 “Kankri looks a lot like him. He won’t say it, but I think he really hates it. I’ve caught him staring at himself in the mirror. Like, sometimes, I can see Dad in Kankri but it’s not all there. Especially since Kankri is _so_ different, like personality wise.”

 “Oh yeah.” You nod. He chuckles nervously.

 “It’s why he’s always clean shaved. _Always._ If not, he’s a splitting image.”

 “Guess having a baby face helps sometimes.” You say.

 “I guess, but he’s almost thirty. So he only has a few years left of baby face.” Karkat smiles up at you. You chuckle softly.

 “Maybe once I grow out of the baby face, I’ll look like Bro,” You hum and try to imagine it. “He says he looks like Dad.”

 “Well, I think you’d be sort of lucky to look like Bro. He’s got his charm.”

 “I think it’s the square jaw.” You say. Karkat just nods in agreement and makes an okay gesture. You snicker when he bites his lip gently and hisses for dramatic effect. He then looks up at you.

 “Very much like you do. You have your own charm.”

 “Oh really?” You ask.

 “Mhmm. Pretty Boy Strider.”

 “Aww, thanks babe.”

 “So don’t worry about looking like Bro or your dad. You have your own style too.”

 “I hope so. I mean, if nothing else I can hope for Mom’s looks.” You say.

 “Oh? How was she?” He asks.

 “She was pretty. Hugged me way too tightly, always was glaring at me. She probably hated me to be fair. But she was pretty.” You say.

 “Mom had my hair. Well I mean, I have her hair. And her eyes. Oh and these.” He points to each little beauty mark on the sides of his face. You smile and tap them.

 “How cute. What a lucky draw.” He looks away, blush rising to his face.

 “…I think I’ve forgiven her.”

 “Yeah?”

 “I say ‘I think’, because I’d like to believe that I did. So that I can rest. And… I’m working on forgiving Dad.” He rests his head back against your chest. You comb your fingers through his hair.

 “It’s a lot better than me.”

 “What do you mean?”

 “I’m still pissed off at mine.” You glare at the wall.

 “I understand.” He glances back up at you.

 “If they didn’t fuck us up, maybe I wouldn’t be. But they _did_.”

 “Dave…”

 “I mean they _clearly_ didn’t want me. Must’ve been an accident or something. Hell I was born earlier than I should’ve because of whatever Mom did. At least Bro was there.” You sigh softly. _Thank the good lord for that small kindness as a kid._

 “I think, well, I’ve _found_ , that what helps me is that I stop being sorry or regretful for having been with my parents. Instead, I try to be thankful that I have a decent big brother.” He tells you. You nod in agreement and bite down on a lip that threatens to wobble on you.

 “Kankri didn’t have to come back for me, but he did. And I can be mad at Mom and hate Dad, and even be upset that Kankri left in the first place… But I’m so damn glad he came back. I don’t know where I’d be if he hadn’t.”

 “Yeah…” That’s a statement that you know a bit too well yourself.

 “Well, I have an idea but…” He trails off and shakes his head.

 “Bro could’ve dropped me off at some hospital, or an orphanage? Both of us. But instead, he kept me. He was _thirteen_ , and he kept me.” You find your arms tightening slightly around Karkat. Raising a kid is a lot of responsibility for a thirteen year old, and it serves as a painful reminder to you that Bro dropped out of highschool to focus on you.

 “Well, I can tell you that I’m glad he didn’t drop you off somewhere. I went through hell, fucked up a few friendships, some relationships. Hung out with a drug dealer. And in the end, I’m here. Under a safe roof, with my slightly helicopter-ish brother, with my dork of a boyfriend. And, I’m really damn happy to be here… Thank you for being here with me.” He says. You lean down and kiss his cheek.

 “Thank _you_ for being here. Even when I was at my lowest point. Or well, a _really_ low point because let’s be honest, I could’ve gone much lower.”

 “Shh,” He pecks your lips to shush you. “You’re welcome.” You smile and slowly relax once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	37. Boo Hoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Body Shaming  
> \- Hinted Self-Harm  
> \- John is a total dudebro sometimes  
> \- Alcohol Mention  
> \- Mentions of Dying  
> \- Death Jokes  
> \- Sexual Innuendo  
> \- Sexual Jokes  
> \- Mentions of Scars  
> \- Sollux is back  
> \- Slight PDA  
> \- Actual PDA  
> \- Kissing  
> \- Intimate Touching

            It doesn’t matter how many days have passed in your sobriety calendar, the time to _really_ test how good you’ve been doing is by putting your poisons in front of you. Which, of course, hasn’t happened since you tend to stick to more “family-friendly” parties. But, when Nepeta and Feferi beg Karkat to assist in their Halloween costume party, you had to assume that you would be fine and that the two of you could have fun. Which leads you to promise the _‘gills’_ you’d go.

            You admit that the main reason you said yes to this party was to see what sort of costume Karkat would choose. That and you’re now _officially_ too old for trick-or-treating. You just don’t rake in all the sweet loot like you used to. Which is a total buzzkill for Halloween. As luck would have it, you make the same mistake as you did last year and wait until the last minute to get a costume.

            Thankfully, you aren’t alone this time. It seems that John, who wanted the absolutely perfect costume this year, _completely_ over-thought all his options and is in the same pickle as you are. So the two of you end up digging through the dregs of the always traditional, seasonal Halloween store. John, oh boy, is he something else though. He claims to have found the perfect costume that should really portray this year’s struggle. You have no idea what it is, but you already know it’s going to be bad. At least you find one for yourself.

            The day of the party comes and you promised Karkat that you’d meet him there. The girls love to have their fun with him and were going to do his whole look for the night. You have no idea what to expect. Is it going to be classic? Sexy? Ironic? You never know with Karkat’s sea of Estrogen pals. You have a blast personally, with Rose and Jade, and that’s only two lovely gals. You don’t know how he does it with double.

            You wiggle on your striped red and white shirt and the matching beanie, followed by your blue jeans. You look at the mirror and snort at yourself. You had thought of wearing the Iconic Round Specs™ but you can’t bring yourself to part with your shades. They’ll just have to deal with it. You give your costume another once over in the mirror, making sure it looks good before peeking into the living room where Bro is. He’s currently sitting on the couch watching some B-rated horror films as per tradition. He’s bound to actually put on his costume after you leave and make sure whatever kids come receive candy.

“Dave, I can’t get my zipper!” John whines from Bro’s room. You make your way to go help him with whatever monstrosity he picked. Although you prepared yourself for it to be bad, you still weren’t ready for it to be this bad. You stop and stare at his costume. His head and arms are hanging out of their respective holes but his arms can’t quite reach the zipper behind him.

“Dude. Bruh. My dude. Just. What the _fuck_.” You take in the sight of John, dressed as a fucking _pickle_.

“What? It’s perfect!” He snickers. You take a deep breath give him a serious look.

“Boi,” You shake your head and he just shrugs. “I can’t. Oh my god.” You make your way over to him and help him with his zipper regardless. It’s a bit caught on the material from his attempts at tugging it up, so you have to fiddle with it a bit before it’s willing to move.

“This is like, the banana from middle school all over again. Peanut Butter Jelly Time, John. I thought we were past this.” You groan.

“You come to me, in my time of need, to complain about my costume choices on this, the day of my cat’s _quinceañera_? On one of my favorite nights of the year?”

“You don’t own a cat.” You mumble, finally pulling the zip all the way up.

“And yet, I get more pussy than you ever will.”

“I don’t know, I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to get negative amounts of vag. So…” You trail off and shrug. He rolls his eyes and tries taking a step forward.

“Oh my god! You know what I meant!”

“How’s the dating business going by the way?” You laugh.

“Ugh, I’ll tell you on the way.” He groans.

“A’ight then.”

“I was _supposed_ to go out last weekend, but I don’t know.” He starts and leads the way out of your apartment. You grab your wallet and your keys.

“What? Was she weird in a bad way or something?” You ask, giving Bro a pap on the shoulder. “Heading out now Bro.”

“Be safe. Freaks out t’nite.” He tells you.

“Promise.”

“Yeah but -- later Bro! Dude okay,” He waits until the door is closed and you two have made it down the hallway a bit. “So we _sort of_ sexted.”

“Oh. Oh my god. Like, pics or?” _Dear Jesus, only John could._

“Yeah. She sent me pictures of her.”

“Oh my god.”

“Like, pictures of her nyan.”

“Her what?”

“Y’know nyan,” He does the whole hand motion for it too, _dear god_ , “and no.”

“No? Was she in a fursuit or something?”

“She was like a Himalayan-Persian cat, Dave.”

“What does that even mean?” You ask, bewildered.

“It was a jungle down there!” He says.

“So she was _fuzzy_? I don’t get why that’s a problem?”

“Fuzzy? No, fuzz is fine. Fuzz is cute. _That_ was not cute my dude.”

“I still don’t understand why you’re hung up on it. And _I_ shave my legs.” You stop in front of the elevator doors while John pushes the call button. He will never stop surprising you with how much of a dude-bro he can be.

“I mean, legs _are_ totally different from genitals, but still.”

“Maybe you should get to know her, share shaving tips with her.” John says.

“ _Rude_.” You make a face at him.

“Oh like you’ve _never_ shaved down there?” He gives you a look.

“No? I haven’t? Just my legs.”

“Like, ever?” He asks, stepping into the elevator. You follow him in and shake your head.

“John, the closest a razor has ever gotten to my junk, was my thighs.” Granted it wasn’t in the nicest of ways but the point remains.

“Amazing. Anyways, no. I just, wasn’t interested. My loss I guess you could say.” He shrugs.

“I guess so.” You lean against the wall as the elevator makes its way down.

“Hey, so uh…” He starts but hesitates.

“What’s up?”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Hmm? Oh uh…yeah.” You nod. He gives you a small smile back.

“Yeah, you’ll be great. I won’t drink either, in solidarity with my bro.” He punches lightly at your shoulder.

“Yeah, no repeats of that last party.” You agree.

“Dude, you were gone.” John says.

“Yeah. I even managed to talk to your ex alone for like, eight seconds. That’s how gone I was,” You tuck your hands into your pockets. “We didn’t ever really talk alone.”

“I guess huh?” He snorts, stepping out into the basement level and heading towards his car.

“Not after the _incident_. No.” You follow behind him, nudging his shoulder with yours.

“The incident?” He looks over at you, clueless. You figured she wouldn’t have brought it up.

“Yeah. She talked about her dad. Made me itchy.” You say, trying not to think too much about it.

“Oh… Yeah.” He chews his lip.

“I think she knew it too.” _Which had been the worst part._

“What do you mean?”

“That it was fucking me up,” You shake your tingly arms out and roll your shoulders. “But that’s in the past.”

“You sure? Will you be alright?” He asks as he unlocks his car and looks over at you.

“Yeah man. Good, clean, sober fun. I’ve got you, Rose, and Jade.” You open the door and slide yourself in.

“You bet you do.” He says, climbing into his car with minor difficulty.

“And Karkat. It’s a nice little support net.” You hum, buckling your seatbelt.

“Hell yeah it is.” He says. He starts up the car and takes off toward the party.

           You manage to not think about that nasty shit on the drive over to Feferi’s. John does a good job at keeping you distracted enough by telling you more about the girls he’s messaged. You add in a few responses when you manage to squeeze a word in or two. All too soon, you’re at the party though. A part of you truly wishes to chicken out and just walk the five miles back home. However, Rose and Jade link arms with you the moment they see you. John links up with Rose, completing the daisy chain of friendliness.

“Have you seen Karkat yet?” Jade asks you.

“He looks like death incarnate.” Rose says.

“Is he even in a costume then?” John asks them. You give John a look and Rose elbows in the side for you.

“No I haven’t seen him yet.” You tell the girls.

“Well, we’ll have to fix this straight away.” Rose says, leading you all towards the party.

“I don’t think the three of you can do anything straight.” John jokes quietly.

“I swear I saw him a couple of seconds ago!” Jade says, pushing herself onto her toes and using her height to her advantage. You finally look at what she’s wearing. Some strange orange dress with green accents.

“Are you some pumpkin Jade?” You ask her.

“A pumpkin witch!” She smiles, flopping back down on her feet.

“Wild. Rose?” You look over at her.

“Take a guess.” She says. Rose is wearing some dark dress that doesn’t seem too far out of her usual attire on most days. Though, the pops of red are usually purple.

“A vampire?” You finally settle on. Jade snickers next to you. Rose looks over to John instead of answering you.

“You have a guess?” She asks him. He doesn’t even think too much on it.

“A fashionista?” He shrugs. Jade’s doubling over with laughter now. It’s quite infectious and you find yourself laughing with her.

“What, is it not?” John asks her.

“I’m Kanaya.” Rose says flatly.

“So I was _close._ ” You say.

“Yeah, Dave was close.” John agrees. Rose rolls her eyes at the two of you.

“Is she you then?” You ask her.

“Aw cute, Kanaya’s dressed as a goth princess.” John says.

“You’ll have to see.” Rose unlinks your arms to cross them over her chest.

“She looks more like a Goth Fairy really.” Jade says.

“Aw, I have to see that,” John nudges you. “I’ll tell you when I find her. You go find Karkat.”

“Yeah. Later Dill. Jade. Rose.” You nod at the ladies and walk further into the mass of people. You can feel anxiousness bubbling up inside of you the longer you go without finding Karkat, or another familiar face for that matter. You are filled with relief when Nepeta waves in your direction. You wave back and -- _Woah who’s that cutie next to her?_ You shake your head quickly.

“I have a boyfriend.” You remind yourself and walk over to them. Nepeta’s bouncing on her feet, dressed in her traditional cat costume.

“Hey.” You say. The cute guy next to her smiles and waves. _Wait a sec, you recognize that smile._

“Hi Dave.” Nepeta says.

“Hey yourself.” Karkat leans back slightly.

“Karkat?” You ask.

“Why do you say it like that? Yeah, it’s me.” He crosses his arms. Nepeta casually slips away from the two of you, but that’s alright.

“I mean. Wow,” You fan yourself. “You are drop _dead_ gorgeous.” You say. He snorts softly. He is dressed as a very lovely, modern day-esque Grim Reaper.

“And you stand out in a crowd,” He stands up and brings his arms around your waist. “Found you.”

“Oh, Death’s sweet embrace.” You say, holding him close to you.

“Shut up.” He chuckles.

“Make me.” You dare him. He pouts.

“I can’t. I’ll smudge my make up.”

“Then I guess I’ll talk all kinds of shit.” You blow him a kiss. He shakes his head amused and laces his fingers with yours. You bring his hand up and kiss his knuckles.

“So, what do you want to do?” He asks you.

“I don’t know. What do people normally do during parties?”

“Dance, eat, party. You tend to party at parties, Dave. When you are invited to a party, you party.”

“Yeah well, my rep with parties ain’t the best.”

“I know,” He carefully rests his chin on your chest. “And I tend to be nothing more than a wallflower.”

“I don’t mind. It’s cozy here in your arms. Who would’ve known that death would be so sweet.” You say.

“Shut up!” He takes you by the hand and walks closer to a wall so you can be out of the way.

“An angel of death.”

“Shh.”

“Maybe you could even give me a ‘little death’.” You tease him. He turns red underneath that makeup.

“I didn’t know you knew French.” He mumbles.

“Not much. Just a few words. I’ve learned way more Spanish though. But, I gotta say, didn’t know I could make you blush so hard Mr. Reaper. Perhaps there _is_ a heart in there, speeding fast.” You lean your side against the wall.

“As if. I’m _not_ that red.” He smiles.

“Yet.”

“Yet?”

“Mhmm.”

“Is that so? Because you’re so damn smooth Waldo.” He lets go of your hand and mimics your position.

“Am I? Am I just like the ocean, under the moon?” You joke.

“I sure hope not, ‘cause that would mean you’re _high_ tide.”

“High on your love.”

“Oh my god, stop it.” He smacks at your chest. You smile and take the hand back, kissing his wrist and palm.

“Never for you.” You whisper into his hand. He’s definitely red now and you give him a wink. He glances away. You will do this all night if you must, it’s just too damn fun.

“If only there were some Halloween version of mistletoe.” You hum. _Batwings maybe? Spiderwebs?_

“Why’s that?” He looks back over at you.

“I want to kiss you, all night long.” You mumble.

“You can do that at home!” He’s going to be redder than a firetruck at this rate.

“Mmm, yeah. But, I still want to.”

“Daaave.” He whines.

“Whaaaat? It’s true.” You mock.

“Stop. They’re staring.” He stomps his legs in what has to be the most adorable attempt at persuading you.

“Who? Because all I see is you.” You lean a bit closer to him.

“Dave! Shh!” He moves to tuck his face into your chest, but stops remembering his makeup. He repeats this with his hands.

“Gettin’ all twitterpated baby?” You smile. He gives you a soft glare.

“Shut up.”

“Why?”

“Shh. You can’t even kiss me, why try to be smooth and flirt?” He pouts.

“Because I love watching you blush, and turn red, and seeing you smile.” You shrug a shoulder. He stares at you speechless, sparkles in his eyes. He looks like he’s reacting to you confess your love for him again.

“Leaving you speechless? That’s amazing.” You say. He plays with the front portion of his top, doing his best to avoid looking at you. You blow him a kiss when he happens to glance back at you. He starts walking away from you.

“Babe, no. C’mon.” You chase after him.

“No.” He moves through the people effortlessly.

“Why not?” You ask.

“Shh,” He stops suddenly, looking back up at you. “It makes me nervous.”

“…I’m sorry.” You apologize. You must’ve reminded him of Sollux and his unwanted comments.

“No, no. I…” He trails off, playing with his suit once more. You wait patiently while he finds his words again.

“It’s a good nervous. It’s a safe place, with some good company. And you um, keep being sweet and I want to believe you’re being honest and… It makes me happy.”

“Yeah?” You offer him a small smile. He nods and gives you a shy look. You take a step closer to him, tension slipping out of your shoulders.

“Well then, darlin’, I’d love ta sweep ya off yer feet,” You drawl in the way Bro tends to which helps amplify that southern charm of yours. “As long as I have your permission.”

“Are you seriously going to sweep me off my feet?” He asks, resting his hands on your chest.

“May I?”

“Try.” He dares. So you duck down slightly, and literally sweep him off his feet and into your arms like a bride. He squeaks softly and you carry him to the balcony. You set him down carefully. He fixes his suit a bit and looks back at the door you walked through. He quickly turns around to look out to the night. You step close and bring your arms snugly around his waist.

“Whaddya know. It’s a good view from here.”

“This _is_ a much nicer place when you’re not chasing after a friend in trouble.” He agrees. You press a kiss to his shoulder as he leans back against your chest.

“It’s starting to get cold, before we know it’ll be Christmas.”

“And then I’ll be old.” You whine softly.

“Right? You’ll be a legal adult. Ew,” He gasps and tilts his head back to look up at you. “With all kinds of responsibilities.”

“Shit man.”

“Truly the scariest thing you’ve told me all night.”

“I have to sign up for the Draft. And to vote. I mean, can’t let the Republicans do some stupid shit my dude.” You nod.

“I’d watch my mouth Dave, this _is_ a red state.” He chuckles.

“Yeah but, I’m white. They’d hesitate.” You shrug. Karkat fake moans and arches up just slightly.

“Oh I _love_ it when you romance me with a beautiful night sky, city lights, and politics.” He rolls his eyes.

“Well, I’m not much of an exhibitionist.” You say. He steps out of your arms and leans against the balcony railing. You admire the way the light falls on him, it makes you wish you had brought your camera with you.

“You really do look like an angel like this.” You tell him, taking a step closer.

“Like how? With tired eyes and a skull face?” He asks, not turning around from the cityscape in front of him.

“With the moon behind you, makes you look ethereal.” The backlighting of the moon almost gives his whole body a soft halo of pale light. It’s just so striking to you. He slowly turns his head around to face you.

“If you told me you were an angel or like, a god, I’d believe you.” You whisper, almost afraid to shatter the illusion. His eyes search yours for a few seconds while you continue to just, take him in. You honestly could believe it right now.

“What makes you say such things? It’s almost blasphemous.” He says.

“The only blasphemy here is that I clearly haven’t worshipped you properly. And, of course, my own thoughts about you. Maybe I should kneel down in front of you and hope you’ll forgive me of my sins.”

“I don’t want you to see me as a god to love me.” He mumbles.

“Maybe not, but you bet I’ll worship your fine bod whenever I can,” You kneel down and take his hands, pressing kisses to his knuckles. “Give all of you the kindest of touches, gentle and full of love.” You kiss along the back of his hands and at his wrists before glancing up at him. He’s the reddest he’s been the whole night. He quickly drops to his knees in front of you and kisses your lips. You gladly kiss him back, running your hands through his hair when he drops his arms around your shoulders. He sighs, pleased and breaks the kiss.

“Sucked the soul right out of my body.” You bite your lip.

“Sure looks like it.” He chuckles.

“Remind me to suck you back in return someday.” You tease.

“Shut up, Dave.” He paps your jaw and gets back up to his feet. You wiggle your eyebrows up at him.

“It’s true. Someday.”

“If only you wanted to go down on your kitchen floor, just as hard.” He shakes his head and leans back down and cups your jaw in his hands.

“We’ve talked about this. I want to feel I did all of this right.” He says, pecking your lips.

“I know.” You say, getting back up before someone misunderstands your positions.

“For now, let me have just this?” He wraps his arms around your waist. You hold him close to you once more.

“As you wish.” You smile.

“Mmm, maybe this too.” He gets up on his toes to kiss your lips once more. You gently sway to the music in the background as you kiss him. He chuckles softly and rests his chin on your chest. You whisper along to the song as you move along the balcony. Karkat laughs.

“Really Dave? ‘The Monster Mash’? What will you do next, ‘The Time Warp’?”

“I mean, it’s just a jump to the left.” You say, jumping slightly in said direction. Karkat laughs as he clings onto you.

“And then a step to the right,” You step out and then rest your hands on his hips. “Put your hands on your hips, and bring your knees in tight. _But_ , it’s the pelvic thrust, that _really_ drives you insane.” You finish off.

“Daaavvvee,” He loops his arms around you once more and smiles. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You sigh happily.

            You don’t stay out on the balcony for too much longer. The party goers are getting a bit loud and rambunctious. You think you can see a group of trick-or-treaters make their way up this block before you drag Karkat back into the throng of people. Or at least you _try_ to. Someone, probably a bit tipsy, bumps into you and effectively spills the contents of their cup down your shirt. Karkat goes to say something but you hold him back. Tipsy McGee apologizes and stumbles away.

“I’ll just go wash it off in the bathroom.” You peck Karkat’s cheek. You two make your way to the thankfully, empty bathroom.

“I’ll go ask Feferi if she’s got anything to get rid of that stain.” He says, squeezing your hand and shutting the door behind you.

“Alright.” You call out and lock the door behind you. You are quick to wiggle your shirt off. You toss it onto the tub with a wet slap and borrow a towel to dry off your chest. Once you’re sufficiently dry and semi-clean, you pick your shirt back up and rinse it off in the sink. Most of the suspicious drink comes out, especially after a good wring or two. You catch the sight of yourself in the mirror before you can even decide if you want to put this back on.

“…Hey you,” You give yourself an awkward smile. “Looking better.” You casually check yourself out before your eyes settle on your shoulders. Your chew your lip.

“Things are better now huh? Could totally get tattoos over them. Make something nice out of this.” You trace a few of the scars with gentle fingertips. You look back up at your face. You look less tired, less like death warmed over.

“Who would’ve thought we’d get here huh? Always thought we’d end up somewhere else but, I’m glad we’re _here._ And Karkat is the only ‘Death’ we’re dealing with tonight. Maybe a few more after too,” You snicker then shake your head and bite at your wobbling lip. “Thanks for not giving up yet. For finding some strength in there to keep going.” You end up having to wipe at your face and you curse softly under your breath. You sniffle, and pat at your face. You hear some yelling just outside the door behind you, then a loud thud that rattled the solid wood door on its hinges. You admit that you totally jumped.

“Jesus.” You whisper and place your ear against the door. You hear more muffled sounds of an argument but it eventually fades out. It’s probably best to leave now. You wrap a hand around the knob, it twists strangely in your hand. You turn around and go to grab at your shirt, only to feel the knob come out of the door. A quick glance down confirms that, yes, it’s still in your hand and no longer attached to the door. You push it back into place.

“Nope. Just no.” You run your hands through your hair.

“I got some stuff we can try, open up.” Comes Karkat’s voice a few seconds later as he knocks.

“Ahaha, I can’t,” You laugh nervously. “The knob, it uh, I didn’t do it.” You try the knob again just in case it was a glitch in the matrix. It simply pops back out of the door once more.

“The knob? Oh fuck.” Karkat does not reassure you.

“I’m stuck? Am I stuck?” You feel just a slight bit hysterical.

“Looks like it, shit, um. It looks like the guys might have trashed it. It’s tilted funny.” He says. You push your fingers against the internal bits of the knob still in place.

“Um, yeah. Um. Fuck. Dude.” You set the half knob still in your hand down. He chuckles softly.

“Are you alright though?”

“Uh, yeah. I suppose.” You look to see if you can find the hinges.

“You can’t see this, but I’m caressing the door. Pretend it’s you.”

“Aww babe, I love it when you caress my bod.” You laugh.

“Damn babe, you’re as stiff as a board.” He snickers.

“Hey uh, are there hinges on that side?” You ask, finding none in here with you.

“Yeah! Yeah there are! I’ll go get help.”

“Fuck.” You rest your head against the door.

“Be safe in there okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll just chill in here. Get some good one-on-one time with myself.”

“Play nice you two.” He says.

“Yessir. We play well together.” You shake your head at your own joke. When you hear no reply, you lean against the door once more. Your shirt is still hanging off the sink and you move to go wring it out one more time. It’s still too uncomfortably damp to wear and you find yourself pacing the small room. When you end up back by the door the knob on the other side wiggles fruitlessly.

“Oh shit.” Comes a very, _very_ , familiar voice. You bump your head against the door and groan.

“Not you…”

“Strider? Is that you?” Sollux asks.

“Yep.” You sigh.

“Don’t tell me you’re locked up princess.” He snorts.

“Not intentionally,” You cross your arms and lean a bit more heavily on the door. “But yeah.”

“Where’s KK?”

“Looking for the jaws of life to pry this door open and free me from here. Also, to get rid of the stain on my shirt.”

“That’s a bit extreme, all you really need is a good screwdriver.”

“Well damn, I am just _fresh_ out of screwdrivers.”

“Hey babe, where does FF keep her dad’s tools?” He asks someone.

“Babe?” _Who hooked up with this guy?_

“I’ll grab his toolbelt.” Says another familiar voice. You just can’t quite place this one though.

“Who else is out there?” You groan and thunk your head against the door.

“At the moment, me and a few other guys. I uh, I think I see KK making his way back too.” Sollux says.

“What are you doing? Leave him alone!” Comes Karkat shortly after.

“I mean, if you insist.”

“Wait. Karbabe. My love.” You say.

“What?” He grunts.

“He said something about screwdrivers?” You mention.

“Wait, so, you’re _helping_?” Karkat asks Sollux, who just chuckles.

“If you’ll let me.”

“…What’s in it for you?” You bet he’s glaring at the guy.

“He probably just needs to piss.” You shrug.

“Honestly, yeah. I get to take a leak.”

“I mean, I figured.” You nod.

“Hey Kar.” The familiar voice from earlier says.

“Oh there you are! Thank god.” Karkat sighs.

“Who?” You ask.

“Eridan. Who else calls me ‘Kar’?” He tells you.

“Fuck man, I don’t know. That’s a good question.”

“You needed somethin’?” He asks Karkat.

“He needs his _buoy_ out.” Sollux grumbles, you can hear him shuffling through something if you press your ear to the door.

“Not puns. Please no puns.” You groan.

“No puns? Sorry DV, you don’t have much of a say. We’re sort of stuck in our ways.” Sollux says.

“He’s already suffered enough guys.” Karkat sighs.

“‘DV’? I get honored with the two letter nickname?” You ask.

“I can do four if you’d like BTCH.”

“Oh thank god, I thought I’d entered the Twilight Zone for a second.” You chuckle and shift to lean against the wall instead of the door.

“Dave, just be thankful dammit.” Karkat grumbles. His tone is light though, you figure he might be smiling. You hear a strange noise from outside the door.

“Got one done,” Sollux says voice traveling lower as he probably kneels down. “One more.”

“Thanks.” Karkat says. You chew on your lip, considering a few things. Even after what you two did to each other, Sollux was still willing to help you out. Sure, he’d get to pee after it, but the point remains.

“You’re fine. Like I said, there are others who have to piss.” Sollux grumbles.

“…Hey Sollux?” You call out.

“Hmm?”

“Sorry for getting you suspended. And punching you in the face… And biting you. I think I bit you at least?” You apologize. There’s a slight pause between you two.

“…Yeah well, I’m sorry for calling you all the shit I did. And dude, I don’t even know, I think I was the one who bit _you_?”

“I know you gave me a black eye.”

“I’m sorry my boyfriend bit your boyfriend.” Karkat says to Eridan.

“I think I spat on you too. Which is hella rude. I’m sorry.” You tap your head back against the wall.

“Do you want out or do you want me to keep you locked in for your crimes? Shut the fuck up. We’re good. Just. Make him happy okay!?”

“Promise.” You smile softly. That’s as close to a blessing as you’ll probably get from a guy you didn’t really want one from.

“I’ll do the same on my side.” He mumbles softly, you’re barely able to catch it.

“Just getting all kinds of sentimental up in here. First with myself, now with you. And you with your babe. What a wild journey this bathroom has given us. Thank you porcelain gods.” You chuckle.

“You two are disgustingly cute, what the fuck?” You think you hear Karkat say.

“I guess I just, figured some stuff out. I had to or I was going to miss out on a lot in life.” Sollux says, voice traveling back up.

“Couldn’t be happier though.” You hear Eridan sigh wistfully.

“I could, if you smiled more.” Sollux tells him.

“Aww.” You say.

“Ew.” Karkat grunts.

“Did they kiss? I bet they kissed.” You snicker.

“Okay, try kicking it down.” Karkat says. You roll yourself off the wall and give the door a solid push, knocking it loose.

“Fore!” You call out, then frown slightly when it doesn’t fall down.

“Isn’t that for golf?” Eridan asks.

“Nah, pretty sure it’s for baseball.” You say, giving the door one more big push. Sollux and Eridan catch the door and pull it off to the side. Karkat sets a small container he had been holding down, rushing in and throwing his arms around you. You smile and hold him close.

“Hey you.” You tell him.

“I can say the same. Where the fuck is your shirt?” Sollux asks. You completely forgot about the damn thing. You find yourself tensing up slightly.

“In the sink.” You mumble. Karkat tightens his grip on you slightly. You watch Sollux’s eyes flick down to your shoulders and then back up to your face.

“Why?” Eridan asks you.

“Drink.” You say.

“Okay, both of you out,” He says, wiggling his cape off and draping it over your shoulders. “I need to go.”

“…Thanks.” You say. Karkat leads you out by your hand.

“We’ll send your shirt your way later, I’ll just toss it in FFs washer. It looks disgusting.” He says, as he and Eridan prop the door loosely against the frame in an attempt of privacy.

“Soda my ass.” He grumbles. You chuckle and Karkat fixes the cape so it covers up your bare torso better. It feels extremely weird to have been friendly to Sollux for once, and to have him be nice in return.

“I think I’ve had my fun.” Karkat says.

“Yeah same.”

“Home?”

“Think he won’t mind if I take off with it?” You ask, playing with a loose string.

“I think it was implied that you could.” He says.

“Alright,” You nod. “Let’s go home then. It’s weird enough we were civil.”

“I could get used to it really.” Karkat says with a small smile.

“He’s still a dick though.” You say, following him out of the party. He leans over and kisses your arm.

“And you’re a jerk in a dick’s cape.”

“Yeah. Strange how that works.” You murmur. He leads you to where he parked his car. You kiss his forehead quickly.

“My place or yours?” You ask.

“Hmm. Let’s do yours tonight.”

“I know for a fact Bro’s still up. Probably still watching those low grade, weird, horror films.” You say.

“That’s fine, I don’t mind.” He rests his head against your arm for a second before moving to get in and drive you home.

There’s a peaceful silence between the two of you as you make your way to the elevator, and then down the hallway. There doesn’t seem to be any kids on this floor. A quick glance at your phone tells you that it’s mostly past bedtime now. Even so, you do steal a couple of candies from bowls that were left outside the doors. Karkat just smiles and shakes his head at you. You open your apartment door and look for Bro. You find him leaning against a counter, waiting for the Jiffy Pop on the stove to finish.

“Ostrich cowboy?” Karkat asks him.

“Hell yeah.” Bro nods.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I mean, John was a pickle.” Bro takes the Jiffy Pop to the living room to continue watching his movies. He pauses and looks at you for a second.

“Weren’t ya Wally? Where’d ya shirt go?”

“It’s part of Waldo’s curse. It’s missing, just like him. I was fortunate enough to not be taken with it.” You assure him. He raises an eyebrow, still concerned, but shrugs it off. Karkat snickers and makes his way to your room.

            He sits on your bed and sighs. You flop down on your back, bouncing slightly on the springs. It’s good to be home. You can release any remaining tension. Karkat brushes his hair out of his face and grimaces.

“I got makeup on my hair. Or hair on my makeup? I’m a mess.” He groans.

“It’s not the only place that’s going to be covered in makeup.”

“I _hate_ oil base paint, I feel disgusting.” He chooses to ignore you for now.

“We’re home.” You tease, giving him a wink.

“Ew no, Dave I’m gross.”

“And? I want to kiss you. Make out a bit maybe.” You pull off your shades and set them aside. He pouts at you, and you glance over at your open door.

“You do _not_ want this grease on you babe.” He says, walking to your door and closing it.

“You want a towel or something?” You sit up a bit, looking for one.

“Got any baby wipes?” He wiggles out of his coat and rests it on your desk. You are too distracted in watching him kick off his shoes and undo his belt.

“Huh?” You finally manage to get out.

“Baby wipes. For my face?” He raises an eyebrow. You look away and clear your throat.

“Right, yeah. Um. I think I have some in a drawer.” You scramble up and move to your desk, peeking into the drawers. Though you aren’t very thorough with your search. You can’t keep your eyes off Karkat. You watch as he unbuttons his shirt and slips it off. When he looks at you over his shoulder you instantly turn red and immerse yourself in this drawer you have open. Fate smiles on you and you spot them, covered by a couple sheets of paper.

“Uh wow. Look at that, I do have some.”

“Good,” He smiles. “Just let me get what’s on my forehead at least.”

“Here.” You hand him the baby wipes. You watch him comb his hair back and your heart does a strange flutter which echos somewhere around the pit of your stomach.

“That’s. Not fair.” You cover your face.

“What?” He asks, bewildered.

“You look very… Nice.” You settle for.

“I see. I had a feeling you were into death, you emo douche.” He chuckles softly. You peek out between your fingers and laugh. You let your hands drop from your face.

“Maybe next year you should dress up as Deadpool.” Karkat tells you.

“Yeah huh?” You watch him wipe at the makeup on his forehead, neck and chest. His small smile of relief makes your brain stutter out again.

“Why are you so attractive?” You groan.

“I think it’s the eye makeup. It emphasizes my eyes, and you are super into them.”

“I _am_ lost in them.” You agree.

“Plus this,” He points to his jaw and lips. “Again, the makeup makes you stare.”

“You’re really attractive without it though? So like, _this_ is killing me.” You say, stepping closer to him. He gives you an amused look.

“Uh-huh?”

“Like, you doubled your attractiveness. And like, even now, with the makeup all messed up, you’re really fuckin’ hot? I don’t know how else to say it.”

“You have a thing for me? I really get you good? There’s also a bunch of song lyrics about what you might be feeling.” He says, grabbing your hands and pulling you closer to him. He loops his arms around you and you hold him close.

“I have a _major_ thing for you.”

“That’s good to know,” He pecks your jaw and works on undoing your cape. “Some may say it’s good to have that in some relationships.”

“Yeah huh?” You can feel your heart racing in your chest.

“Mhmm.” He traces your sides and leaves a few black smudges where he kisses at your chest. You shiver and run your fingers through his hair.

“Who would’ve known that I’d be into your makeup getting wrecked.” You say when he looks up at you. He chuckles.

“I don’t know, you’ve always had a thing for messed up stuff. You seem to see it in a different view. I like that.”

“You’ll make me faint from the blood rush.” You mumble, face getting redder and you know it. He pulls you into a kiss once more and you hum softly against him. He leans back against the bed and drags you down with him.

You get yourself comfortable on top of him. Karkat pulls of your beanie and tosses it aside, smiling into your kiss now that he can play with your hair. You run your hands along his sides. When he pulls back from the kiss the makeup around his lips is practically gone, you know you must look like the mess now. You rest your forehead against his.

“I love you.” You whisper.

“Dave, I love you.” He smiles widely, cupping your cheeks.

“I love you, so _much_.”

“God I’m so lucky if I get to spend the rest of my life with you. I _love_ you.” He says. You have a very sudden, and healthy, urge to do something. You press a quick kiss to his forehead.

“Trust me?” You ask. He nods and closes his eyes. You kiss the bridge, then the tip of his nose before getting up off of him.

“Keep ‘em closed for a sec.” You say. You move to your nightstand and pull the drawer open, grabbing the red marker inside it. You uncap it and straddle his hips. He gasps softly.

“Keep ‘em closed.” You remind him. You lean over carefully, smiling when he covers his eyes with his hands. You gently draw a heart on his chest, right over where his would be. You fill it in and lean back, capping the marker. You don’t miss the small smile tugging at his lips.

“Alright you can look now.” You roll the marker between your hands and watch him peek out from behind his hands. He looks down at his chest and his smile brightens. He sits up a bit more and takes the marker from you, drawing a small heart on your wrist. He then takes your hand and kisses at the knuckles.

“Nerd.” You say.

“And what does that make you?” He asks, pressing his lips into your palm.

“A nerd kisser.” You say, watching as he kisses your fingertips. He nuzzles your hand and looks up at you.

“Can I take this all off now? Or do you need it just a bit longer to get some good fantasies tonight?”

“Maybe just a biiit longer.” You kiss his nose.

“Mmm, nope.” He pecks your lips.

“Fiiiine.” You pout and whine. He reaches for where he left the wipes and finishes off his makeup. You find yourself rather comfortable in his lap and traces patterns along his stomach and sides. He lays back down and smiles up at you.

“You know what I’ve noticed?”

“Hmm?” You ask.

“I don’t feel like hiding anymore.” He whispers.

“Me neither.” You say as he rests his hands on yours.

“You’ve never seen me fully naked and yet, I feel so bare with you all the time.”

“Must be me undressing you with my eyes.” You snort. He snickers and laces his fingers with yours.

“Or maybe it’s you looking deeper in me than anyone else ever has before,” He smiles. “I really love that about you. Thank you.” You lean down and rest your forehead against his once more, rubbing your noses together.

“Of course love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	38. Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Body Image  
> \- Mentions of Physical Changes  
> \- Body Hair  
> \- Slight Body Shaming  
> \- Dudebro John Returns  
> \- John Needs to Chill  
> \- Mentions of Sexual Relations  
> \- Intimacy  
> \- Food Mention  
> \- Drug Mention

With the last day of school quickly approaching and graduation close at hand, your friend group has not been able to meet for weeks. Between curving grades, applying to colleges, and waiting on acceptance letters, the four of you have had little time to do anything more than chat online and share lunch together. But now, the last semester is coming to an end, everything is finally slowing down.

            It’s slowing down the way everything always seems to feel at John’s house. The Egbert household has always had a very calming vibe. Always just a bit too warm when the oven’s been on, but always smells like fresh baked goods. The sofa is just the right amount of plush, while still being stiff enough to not be a strain on your shoulders. Karkat’s on your lap and you’re surrounded by good company. This will _always_ feel like a second home to you.

            You all made time to be able to be here today. No one would have been able to go off to college with a clean conscience, if they hadn’t made it to what may be your last hang out of the year. So here you all are. John is taking up his dad’s rocking chair while the girls and Cali take up the couch. You and Karkat get all snug in the loveseat together. Your legs end up dangling a bit over the armrest but it’s comfortable.

But since you take up the entirety of the loveseat stretched out like this, Karkat’s resorted to sitting on your lap. He says he’s doing it to crush you, but honestly he’s like a feather. You tuck your arms behind your head and look up at him, giving him a soft smile before looking around at your friends. You’re not paying much attention to what Rose is sharing right now. You are a bit busy trying to safely tuck this feeling into your mind, so that next time you feel alone, you can remember what it’s like to be in good and loving company. You don’t want to forget the love and support this group of people have always given you. John’s giggles interrupts your thoughts and when you tilt your head back to look at him, he’s looking at you.

“Wow Dave, it looks like you’ve melted out of Karkat’s side from here.” You chuckle and stretch your arms out to gently swat at his leg.

“Is that so? Oh no.” You whine overdramatically. He shakes his head.

“You know, I remember when you two would be bickering and hissing at one another. It’s how we all knew you’d end up together. I mean, for a while, I thought you guys _already_ a thing.”

“Oh really?” You ask him, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, it was _super_ obvious.” He nods.

“I honestly thought that Karkat was trying to keep your relationship a secret as well.” Kanaya adds in. Karkat nods slowly in response to her.

“Well. _I_ remember, that _you_ couldn’t get any because she was a ‘Himalayan cat’.” You say to John. Karkat covers his face and groans.

“A what?” Cali asks softly.

“Oh my god.” Jade says.

“It’s a very furry cat.” Rose tells Cali.

“A Himalayan-Persian Dave! The furriest cat! Like ever!” John whines.

“I’m quite fond of them. They look adorable.” Rose hums.

“That’s rude John! Not everyone is a naked baby down there.” Jade huffs.

“Wait, you mean to tell _me_ , you judge girls who aren’t super smooth when _you’re_ not super smooth? John what the fuck.” Karkats looks over at him.

“I, uh…” John starts.

“Oh but he is.” Rose says for him.

“Rose!” He slides out of the rocking chair and covers his face. Jade cackles.

“Oh.” Cali whispers, finally catching on. Kanaya laughs softly behind her hand.

“I…” Karkat shakes his head. “Okay, maybe you can have a _slight_ preference, but, no. Actually. I have no words.”

“Is _that_ why you were asking me if I’ve ever shaved my junk?” You nudge his foot with your arm.

“I was only asking cause you were judging me for judging!” John screeches.

“You don’t shave anything but your face Dave, you’re a damn twink.” Karkat says.

“I shave my legs!” You cry.

“Correction, you run a smooth safety razor over your already baby bald leg.” He gives you a look. You laugh regardless and John joins in too.

“Yeah Dave! Leave me and Karkat alone! We’re fuzzy men!” He says.

“Would John be considered a bear?” Jade suddenly asks you. You are dying of laughter and can’t quite form a response.

“Nah, he’s too young I think.” Karkat says.

“If I recall, Karkat had to start shaving in middle school?” Kanaya hums.

“And you didn’t shave until high school after Porrim taught you.” He says.

“Yes! My legs were so smooth! My skirt felt super nice afterwards.” She smiles.

“And they feel very soft.” Rose chuckles.

“I haven’t shaved since freshman year.” Jade says, sticking her leg out.

“Think we could braid your leg hair?” You ask her.

“I’ve tried,” She pouts. “It won’t work.”

“Jade, even _I_ shave my legs at times. How do you do it?” John asks, finally sitting up.

“It’s how she’s happy.” Cali says, papping Jades leg. Jade smiles over at them.

“You make me happy.” She says. Cali blushes and tucks their face into Jade’s neck.

“Aww.” You and Karkat say at the same time.

“Eww stop.” John teases.

“I’m afraid you have no word in any of this John, you were sickening with Vriska for too many years.” Kanaya tells him.

“Very sickening.” Rose agrees with a flat tone.

“I mean, I guess. But I’m free now.” He throws his hands up.

“Thank God.” You say.

“I see you’re feeling better about that.” Karkat looks over at him.

“I think I’ll be fine. I’ll get to sort of know myself again.”

“Some people need to be alone for that, others need help.” Kanaya tells him. Jade nods, bringing her arms around her babe.

“Like Dave it seems. Dude, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happier, _or_ Karkat smile.” John turns a bit to face you. Karkat immediately flips him off. You snicker softly, sitting up so you can face everyone better. 

“One day Karkat,” John squints at him. “One day you’ll like me.”

“I do like you?” Karkat says. Kanaya gasps softly and John sputters.

“Yeah man.” You say. You’ve learned all the little quirks of how Karkat displays his affections towards his friends. He definitely gives John quite the amount.

“Oh… Wow, what? Since when? What?”

“I’ve never not liked you?” Karkat looks just as confused as John.

“What!? What do you mean? But-but the pen!” John scoots closer.

“Dude I had no other writing utensil! You needed to do your work!”

“Oh my god. Oh. My. God. All this time. _All this time._ We could have been friends!”

“I thought we were friends.” Karkat pouts.

“Harsh man.” You shake your head.

“He _was_ your friend!” Jade says.

“I’m completely shook.” Kanaya says.

“First, you deny fuzzy ladies. Now you deny Karkat’s friendship. Un _believeable._ ” Rose shakes her head.

“I didn’t know! No! I’m so sorry!” John grabs at Karkat’s pants leg. He chuckles and shakes his head.

“You’re fine, John.”

“Hey, remember when Jade introduced you to her babe?” You ask John after everyone calms back down.

“How could I forget? I was so nervous. I didn’t want to make poor Cali uncomfortable.” He looks over at them.

“Aw John, I didn’t know you were so worried about that.” Jade smile softly. Cali smiles as well, sticking their tongue out.

“I like them. They’re really sweet.” You say.

“They’re alright.” Karkat shrugs. John snorts.

“I was told you were the one who I was messaging after Jade got too anxious to reply. That was an interesting way to meet you.” They look over at you.

“Yeah, huh?” You tease at Jade. She turns red and hides her face. Cali laughs and holds her close.

“It’s alright love, you made up for it.” They say.

“Woah! What’d she do?” John asks.

“I kissed them first.” Jade says.

“How scandalous.” Rose chuckles.

“I kissed Rose first too.” Kanaya smiles, slightly red. Karkat squints down at you.

“Who kissed who first?” He asks.

“Do we count Gay Chicken?” You ask him.

“I mean on the lips.” He responds flatly.

“Well damn Dave.” John says.

“Aren’t you two a bit old for those types of games?” Rose asks.

“You see, you says that. But then we all get together and _I’m_ the first one to be shoved into a closet for seven minutes in heaven.”

“True.” You nod.

“It’s not my fault most of the others have voted you the most kissable pal in the group. Besides, we haven’t done that since sometime last year.” Kanaya adds.

“Was it me though?” You ask.

“I have no idea.”

“Dave asked you to prom right?” John hums.

“Yes.” Karkat says.

“So maybe it was Dave?” He reasons.

“I… I don’t know. I just really wanted to kiss him. It’s all I remember.” Karkat plays with his hands.

“But there was also Valentine’s. Or was that on the cheek?” You try to think. “Also New Year’s, remember the fireworks went off when we kissed?”

“That was for good luck!” Karkat looks away, red.

“Still.”

“Aww,” John says. “Speaking about smooches, have you two --”

“No.” Kanaya interrupts him.

“No.” Karkat reaffirms.

“Not yet.” Adds Rose.

“Nope.” Jade tells John, wiggles your eyebrows at you.

“But obviously you have, Mr. Eighth row.” You look back at John and bring up that well known fact about him. Which is something you shouldn’t have brought up, judging from the look John gives you.

John chuckles and smirks as if he were the main villain of a card-game anime, setting one of his cards on defense and readying another to strike. But seeing how it’s Jade he’s looking at tells you he’s next move isn’t against you.

“Oh wow, even Jade got so--” John gets cut off by an expertly thrown flip flop by Jade. She’s extra red and pissed. You and Karkat laugh.

“John, that’s none of your business. When are you going to get that?” Karkat asks him.

“Rose always asks too!” John tries to defend himself.

“ _I_ just want to be sure Dave get his cake.” Rose pouts.

“Well, yeah. Same.” John crosses his arms. 

“Oh my god.” You shake your head.

“We didn’t get cake?” Cali says quietly.

“We did… I just ate it.” Jade tells them even softer.

“Oh shit.” Karkat says. John cackles.

“Wild. Oh my god.”

“Oh!” Cali doesn’t look the slightest bit disappointed.

“I think I’d rather have cake for my birthday.” Karkat says.

“Speaking of! I might still be in town for that. Um. When is it again?” John leans back on his arms and gives Karkat a sheepish smile.

“Next month John, on the 12th.”

“Ah.” John hums.

“Yeah, remember? We all got together for his birthday _last year_.” Jade tells him.

“Yeah, but, I thought it was like the 2nd. By then I’ll be in Washington.” He chews his lip.

“Sadly by then, I will be in New York too.” Kanaya bows her head slightly. Rose squeezes her hand and you look over at Karkat. He’s very quietly playing with his fingers. You pull him into your arms.

“Yeah huh?” You mumble.

“Yeah…” John sighs.

“Guys, it’s fine. You guys always have stuff to do. Besides, my birthday has always been on an awkward date.” Karkat says.

“Still.” Jade pouts. You know she must be feeling guilty herself too.

“We can all Skype that day. And besides, I have Dave.” Karkat offers everyone a small smile.

“I can mail you your present.” Kanaya hums.

“Same!” Rose agrees.

“Yeah.” You hold Karkat’s hands in yours.

“I still feel bad. I wasn’t able to be at Dave’s birthday this year either since I was in Washington with my aunts.” John sighs and looks up at the ceiling.

“But you were with us for New Year’s.” Karkat reminds him.

“I guess. But I also missed Jade’s and Rose’s birthdays too.” He brings his legs in closer to himself. You know how horrible he felt to miss the birthday week celebration that the four of you usually did.

“Yeah man, it’s alright.” You tell him.

“It’s alright John.” Jade backs you up.

“We’ve talked about this before John, you’re fine.” Rose reassures.

“Okay fine. _But_ we all have to be home for Christmas! I don’t think I could bare an entire year without seeing you guys again.” He pouts at all of you.

“Yeah. Totally.” You agree. John lays down on his back.

“We’re almost there guys, just a few more days,” He’s smiling but also looks heartbreakingly sad. “If mom could see me now Dave.”

“She’d be proud.” You tell him.

“Right?!” He covers his eyes and shakes with soft sobs.

“Oh John…” Karkat gets out of your lap and sits down beside him. Rose scoots closer and rubs his arms. John sits up and clings to her. You join them and rest your head on his shoulder. Jade tackle hugs you three and John laughs. Kanaya sits next to Karkat and Cali rests in front of you as well.

“I don’t think I’ve ever really thanked you guys,” John holds you all close and sniffles. “You made me laugh again.”

“Yeah man. We couldn’t let you stay moping around.” You tell him.

“And _you_ made me see that not everything has to be dark and sad, John.” Rose gives him a small squeeze.

“Yeah well, you taught me that not all the dark stuff is bad.” He wipes his face and gives her a small smile.

“Spooky, but not scary.” Jade agrees with a soft snort.

“Dave taught me I could be happy being me.” John says. You nuzzle your face against his back.  
  
“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And how it’s okay to have things you like that not everyone will enjoy.” He nods.

“Oh really? Like what?”

“Like Nic.” He whispers.

“Gay crush man.” You whisper back to him. Karkat scoffs.

“Oh leave him alone.” Kanaya says.

“I love you guys!” John says, trying to pull everyone into a big hug. You wrap an arm around him and your other around Karkat, pulling him into this hug whether he wants to or not.

“Promise me you’ll write.” John says.

“Pen or quill, John?” Rose asks.

“Text is fine, thank you.” He smiles.

“Nah man.” You start.

“Oh boy.” Karkat says, knowing where you’re going.

“Gotta do it with the good ol’ parchment and wax seals. Deliver it via snail mail or courier pigeon.” You shake your head.

“That would take _weeks_ for me Dave!” Jade says.

“The anticipation would kill her!” John agrees.

“I will literally send you just one letter with only ‘Antici-’ written on it, and then a week later send ‘-pation’. Do not tempt me,” You warn them. “Plus, I’ll send you packages and shit too.”

“I don’t think I want my roommates to hear me squealing over presents.” John says.

“You would though.” Jade nudges him.

“I would.” He agrees.

“Same really.” Rose nods.

“I’ll send them anyway.” You shrug.

“That’d be nice.” John smiles.

“Send you all care packages from home, so you don’t miss me or this glorious red state.” You snicker.

“Dude, weed is legal in Washington!” John says. Rose nudges him hard in the side and Karkat gets up and sits back on the couch. He crosses his arms and refuses to look at John for the moment.

“Shit, fuck. Right!” John winces.

“It’s legal anywhere if you don’t get caught.” You joke, trying to lighten the mood back up again. Karkat kicks your arm in punishment.

“Ooops. Got caught by your help goblin.” John chuckles, getting up onto his feet and fixing himself up.

“His what?” Karkat asks. You lean back on your arms and send John a questioning look yourself.

“His help goblin.” John repeats. It suddenly clicks in place for you.

“Oh my god.” You groan.

“Like, Dave said when you two first met, he thought you were a goblin.” John shrugs.

“Right.” Karkat squints at you.

“I was _high_.” You roll your eyes.

“So when you started being nice to him, he called you his ‘help goblin’.” John tells him.

“I don’t know if to see that as cute or gross.” Kanaya says, getting up and fixing her sleeves and hijab. Jade sits back a bit and Cali presses a quick kiss to her cheek before going back to their spot on the couch.

“I think I’m still a bit scared.” Jade says.

“What? Why?” John asks her. You look over at her as well.

“What if I don’t make any friends.” She twists her hair nervously around her fingers.

“You will,” You assure her. “You’re like, the friendliest out of us.” Jade pulls her legs up to her chest.

“I know but, the reason we all became friends is because you guys _really_ looked for me. You made me feel welcomed and loved. I can do that easy but, who will do the same for _me_?”

“Jade you’re wonderful, so many others will be happy to be with you!” Cali tells her.

“If not, start some fights. It’s how we started off.” You shrug.

“No! No fights!” Cali looks extremely worried.

“Aww.” You pout and Jade chuckles.

“Let her be a peaceful soul Dave.” John says.

“It’s only when people are mean. Like those jerks who wouldn’t leave Kanaya alone!” She huffs. It briefly makes you wonder what you had done to encourage her wrath upon you.

“Yeah! Dave, you should have seen their faces. They smelled like trash for days.” John laughs, offering Jade a high-five. She does not leave him hanging.

“What happened anyway?” You ask.

“Just know that they stopped bothering me, and I even received written apologies.” Kanaya assures you.

“Good!” Jade nods her head triumphantly.

“No one gets to be a jackass to such a sweet person.” John agrees, crossing his arms. Rose nods and loops her arms around Kanaya, holding her close.

“Yeah man.” You smile.

“I heard that Equius and Nepeta had helped out.” Karkat says.

“Nepeta was amazing. I had no idea she knew how to _seriously_ kick butt.” John says.

“It was terrifying.” Jade chuckles.

“Who do you think taught Equius?” Karkat asks them. Jade looks momentarily stunned.

“She grew up surrounded by male cousins, someone had to beat up bullies for them.” Kanaya informs you. You laugh. _Of fucking course._

“Just. Wow.” John says.

“Dude, she could probably bench press me.” You say.

“She once did Karkat.” Kanaya hums.

“Seriously?” You ask.

“Shut up, Kanaya.” Karkat turns a nice shade of red.

“I’d ask you to make me, but knowing you, we may end up playing gay chicken ourselves.” She takes a step away from Karkat.

“Ohhhhhhhh.” John screeches.

“I can’t believe Kanaya killed Karkat.” Cali chuckles.

“Rest in pieces Karkat.” Rose says, following her babe.

“Wouldn’t it be ‘straight’ chicken?” You question.

“Afraid not dear, Karkat and I don’t _do_ anything straight,” Kanaya snickers. “Much like yourself.”

“And then she went for Dave’s throat.” Cali gasps.

“I guess we’ll hold their services tomorrow.” Jade nods.

“Bury me by his side.” You request.

“More like bury you in his ass.” John chuckles.

“An opponent approaches.” Jade sits down next to Cali

“In his ass? So you’re going to cremate me, and then stuff my ashes in his ass? That’s gross John. That’s probably necrophila.” You make a face at him.

“Okay, I’m done. Dave roasts himself.” John shrugs.

“He did ask to be cremated.” Rose jokes. You laugh.

“I mean, I guess Rose.” John whines. You curl up with Karkat and nudge John’s leg with your foot.

“We need to go soon, it’s a school night. Sorry love.” Karkat pecks your temple.

“Yeah.” You sigh. John swats your foot and you make a face at him. He blows you a kiss and you smile and shake your head. Karkat kisses your cheek, having not noticed John. John gets up and moves to his kitchen.

“Let me tell John bye?” You ask Karkat.

“Mhmm,” He pecks your lips one last time and lets you get up. “I’ll say bye too once I tell the girls and Cali.”

“A’ight.” You make your way to the kitchen. John is moving some dishes into the sink, mostly just to keep busy you think.

“Ready to go?” He asks you. You slide up next to him and lean back against the counter.

“Everyone is getting ready to go.”

“We are huh…” He hums, casually scrubbing a few of those dishes now.

“You going to be okay?” You ask softly.

“Yeah. Will you?” He gives you a sad smile. You know he’s referring to with all that’s ahead of you as well.

“…I should be. But even if y’all are moving away, I got you.” You say.

“Dude of course!” He turns to face you, setting down the soapy bowl in hands. You give him a small smile as he rinses off his hands and pats them on his pants.

“You can always cam, or text, or call,” He pulls you into a tender ‘bro’ hug. “But for reals! Call me! Like, you have to let me know when I can send you your cake.” He laughs. You change the hug from less of an awkward brohug and more of a meaningful hug. 

“Yeah man. You be careful up there in Washington. Especially if you do the weed.”

“I will be. And I can’t, I’m asthmatic.” He chuckles.

“Doesn’t stop anyone trust me.” You pap his face.

“I see you’re _finally_ confessing your undying love for my boyfriend John.” Karkat says, leaning against the wall with a smile.

“He was my man first Karkat!” John says, squeezing you one last time and patting your back.

“Don’t get anyone pregnant man.” You tell him.

“Promise. I’ll be safe.” He nods

“Good.”

“Bye Dave.”

“You’ll make me cry. Stop it.” You shove him playfully.

“Maybe I _will_. I’ll save it for Grad Night.”

“Of course you will.” You shake your head.

“Bye John.” Karkat waves.

“Bye Karkat! See you guys tomorrow.” John smiles.

“Later man.” You tell John and head off to the living room. Karkat doesn’t follow you and you linger just a bit.

“Does it worry you?” Karkat asks him softly.

“Nah. I think you two will be together for a _very_ long time and be happy.” John says. You smile and make your way to Jade first. You wrap your arms around her.

“I’m going to miss you and your kick ass, look cute, attitude. And your little dog too. Who’s going to beat up bullies for me now?” You sigh dramatically.

“Karkat obviously.” She laughs, hugging you back.

“I’m glad we got into that fistfight over the baby carrots.”

“It’s been quite a friendship huh? And quit making it sound like you’re dying,” She punches your shoulder. “We’re going to see each other again.”

“I know.” You chuckle and then offer your hand to Cali. They take it and pull you into a hug. You a momentarily thrown off, but are quick to hold them.

“Good luck!” They tell you.

“You too. I know you’re going to cheer for us in the stands during the ceremony right?” You ask.

“Of course! I have to see Jade walk the line.”

“Next year we’ll do the same for you.” You promise them. They smile and let you go. You walk over to Kanaya and Rose.

“Take care of Rose in New York, yeah?” You say.

“Of course.” Kanaya promises, wrapping her arms around your shoulders. You pat her upper back lightly. She takes a step back and smiles at you.

“ _You_ take care of Karkat.”

“Yeah man. Promise.” You nod. You turn to face Rose, she has this bittersweet look on her face. That just won’t do. You overdramatically take her hands and pull them you your chest.

“Dear, sweet, Rose, I will always love you and hold you very dear to my heart.” You snicker.

“Oh my dear,” She glances away. “It was never meant to be. Our hearts were elsewhere.”

“I know. Perhaps one day, we can forgive each other.”

“Oh, I have already forgiven you, but I know your heart will never be mine. You’ve already given it away.” She looks over your shoulder at Karkat.

“I can’t take what has already been given to me.” He smiles. You pull Rose into an actual hug.

“But in all seriousness, you’re like a sister to me now. And my God, I _will_ fight Jade to be your maid of honor.” You tell her.

“I’m your sister _now_?” She scoffs softly.

“I mean, we _dated_ so…” You trail off.

“Ew. True.”

“Yeah. So, not then. But now.” You laugh with her and pull away.

“See you guys later.” She lets go of you and you link your arm with Karkat.

“Yeah.”

“Have fun you two.”

“Don’t get pregnant either. I told John and now I’m telling you.” You tell her.

“Of course. Same goes to you two.” She says.

“Aw man, there goes my Saturday.” You chuckle. Kanaya waves goodbye as you and Karkat head out the door and make your way down the driveway. You look up at the night sky and take a deep breath.

“We’re going to see them again right?” You whisper.

“Dave, of course. We’ll see them tomorrow and the day after at the ceremony. And after that at Christmas.” Karkat looks up at you.

“Yeah.” You nod.

“We will. Even if we have to save up and go visit them.” He laces his fingers with yours.

“Yeah.” You say more confidently, squeezing his hand. The two of you stop at his car.

“Who drives tonight, mister ‘got my license two months ago and still haven’t drove with it’?”

“I get the feeling you want me to drive tonight. I don’t know. Just a gut feeling you know.” You joke. He hands you the keys and gets into the back seat.

“Sweet.” You get in, and start the car, double checking your mirrors and such. Karkat shakes his head and you look back at him.

“Where to my love?” You ask.

“To the stars.” He says with an amused twinkle in his eyes. You nod and pull away from the sidewalk and drive away, chasing the moon and its blanket of stars.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/


	39. Toss Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Nervousness  
> \- Feels  
> \- Some Cheesy Nerds  
> \- PDA  
> \- Bro Being Unhelpful  
> \- Kankri Finds Out  
> \- Karkat's Full Name  
> \- Memes  
> \- Spanish  
> \- Public Embarrassment  
> \- Second Hand Embarrassment  
> \- Panic Attack  
> \- Speech  
> \- Inappropriate response  
> \- Graduation  
> \- Excitement  
> \- Digital Tears From Author and Beta'r

            You can’t believe it. You truly can’t believe this is actually happening. You take a few deep breaths and try to steady yourself. You look over at the cap and gown still hanging off your door and then back at yourself in the mirror. You’re dressed up in the suit that you wore to prom, sans jacket. Your hair is slicked back and your shades are sitting on your desk for the night. You fidget with your tie a bit more then walk to your cap and gown.

            Bro went against the school rules of ironing it. He said it had looked far too wrinkled to just be left as is. You slide your arms into it and zip the front shut. You spin the cap around in your hands as you finally step out of your room. Bro looks up at you when you walk out. Much like you, he’s ditched his shade for the night and is dressed fairly nice. He genuinely looks proud of you, but also like he’s ten seconds from crying, which makes your nerves spike back up again.

He walks over to you, adjusting the way that the gown settles on your shoulders. He mumbles something about it under his breath but you don’t quite catch it. You are too busy playing with your tassel to focus on his voice. He helps you figure out which side is the front, even though it’s clearly labeled for you on the inside, and put the dang cap on.

“Remember, ya move it from the right to the left.” He says, flicking the tassel gently.

“Yeah,” You move it to it’s place. “So, how do I look?”

“Where’d my lil’ bro go…?” He asks softly, resting his hands back on your shoulders.

“Ah, Bro.” He’s going to make you tear up like this.

“I’m serious. Felt like jus’ yesterday I was draggin’ yer ass to preschool. Now look at ya, graduatin’ high school… Fuck. I’m so proud of you.”

“You’ll make me cry, and I want to save those tears for the ceremony.” You fan at your face to dry your eyes. Bro chuckles and takes a step back.

            He grabs one of his cameras and you instantly pose for him. He takes a couple of pictures of you in your gown and in different poses. You wave him over after a moment. He curiously steps forward and you nab the camera from him. Then you pull him in next to you and sling your arm around his shoulders.

“Smile.” You tell him, stretching out your other arm with the camera. You feel him drape his arm over your shoulder, mimicking your pose. You smile fondly, and take a few pictures of the two of you. You hand him the camera when you’re done and he pulls you into a tight hug.

“Really am proud of ya kiddo.” He mumbles again.

“I know.” You hug him back. You stay like this for a moment or two before letting go.

“Kankri prolly wants pictures of the two of ya downstairs.” Bro says, clearing his throat and casually brushing at his face.

“Oh yeah. I’ll meet you there?” You double check your pockets for your keys and phone.

“Yeah.” He pats your back once and heads out the door.

            You slip out and lock up behind you and make your way over to Karkat’s place. You jog up the stairs and to his door. You knock gently and wait. You rock back and forth on your feet. You can hear rustling from the other side. The door swings open violently and a hand shoots out and yanks you in.

“This is ridiculous!” Karkat lets go of you, trying to fix his tie. “They said be there at six! But the ceremony starts at _seven_ and it’s already _five forty-five_! And I can’t get this _damn_ thing on! Kankri is waiting downstairs in the lobby! And I! Just! Can’t!”

“Hey, breathe.” You tell him. He pouts up at you, clearly distressed. You reach out and undo his tie. You quickly do it back up properly for him.

“There.” You nod, patting it gently.

“What would I do without you?” He sighs, bumping his forehead against your shoulder.

“Be late because of your tie.” You rub at his back. He carefully brings his arms around you.

“I’m nervous.” He tells you.

“Me too. Bro almost made me cry.”

“Aww, are you going to cry?” He looks up at you and smiles, kneading and pinching at your cheeks. You make a face back in response.

“Maybe later. Like when I walk.”

“Yeah huh? That sounds like you.” He kisses your cheek and lets go of you. He zips himself up and puts his cap on before taking your hand.

“Ready?” You ask. He takes a deep breath and nods. You lace your fingers with his and give them a gentle squeeze.

“Let’s go.”

“Wait…” Karkat pulls your hand back before you can start heading out. You pause.

“What?” You ask. He grabs the hem of his gown and tugs it up so he can dig around in his pants pocket. You watch him curiously.

“I got you something,” He says, offering up a necklace. “For your journey…” He smiles up at you. You take it and look it over. It’s a small metal compass.

“Oh jeez, I didn’t get you anything.” You chew your lip and trace over the letters and ridges.

“You didn’t have to.” He tells you. He takes your free hand and leads you out of his apartment and into the elevator.

“I’ll get you something. Just watch.” You tell him, slipping the necklace on and tucking it on under your gown and shirt.

“Oh hush. Look, if you want to get me something, how about a college degree?” He chuckles.

“Get you a degree? I’d get you the moon if you asked me.” You hum softly.

“What if I want the stars in your eyes?”

“They shine for you.” You tell him. He blushes softly, tucking his face against your arm. He’s perfectly red for photos as you step out of the elevator and into the lobby. You smile down at him apologetically. He looks up at Kankri and Bro as you get to their area. Kankri takes at least two pictures of the two of you approaching.

“You get three pictures and that’s it, we’re running late.” He tells them.

“I… Fine. Starting now.” Kankri says. You snicker. Bro takes another shot of you.

“That’s one.” Karkat says, looking over at Bro. Kankri just gasps softly.

You casually hold Karkat close to you and pose under Kankri’s instruction. You can hear Bro’s camera click around the same time Kankri’s does. That camera ninja. Karkat gives Kankri a small smile and he takes another shot of the two of you. Technically, it’s the three pictures but you can’t help it and turn to face Karkat. There is a picture you’d like to get.

“May I?” You ask him. Karkat tilts his head, confused about what you’re asking. You make a kissy face at him.Understanding hits him like a truck.

“Sure?” He nods, voice cracking just slightly. So you dip him carefully, holding your cap in place as you lean down and kiss his lips. You hear a camera click, you think it’s Bro’s. Karkat sighs softly, closing his eyes. You hear another few clicks, before Karkat pulls away from you.

“Wait!” He pushes at your shoulders and looks over at Kankri. _Oh. Oh shit. That’s right. Kankri didn’t know about you two._ You can’t stop the big silly grin on your face, so you just try to hide it in Karkat’s shoulder. Bro goes crazy with the camera, getting all theses reactions.

“Think he’s figured it out, or do we say?” You whisper to Karkat.

“Karkat Maribel Bracchea Vantas!” Kankri screeches.

“He’s figured it out…” Karkat grumbles back. Bro has switched from pictures to video at this point. _He’s so not helping._ Kankri steps closer to you two,

“What is the meaning of this? Was it a type of joke? Is it some sort of those so called ‘meemees’?” He demands. _Meemees?_

“Oh boy.” Karkat sighs.

“Oh my god.” _He meant memes._ You are dying.

“N-no! It’s just, you. Well,” Karkat flounders for a moment. “You and Cronus and…” He trails off, red. Bro laughs.

“What about me and Cronus?” Kankri huffs.

“Ugh! You didn’t tell me so I didn’t mention it!”

“Bro, you’re not helping.” You tell him. He waves you off.

“Ain’t my fault, I wasn’t in charge of tellin’ him.”

“Si te lo decía no ibas a dejar que Dave durmiera conmigo!” Karkat shouts.

“Presupuesto que no! No si es tu novio!” Kankri yells just as loudly. Karkat whines and Kankri whirls around on Bro.

“Y tu!”

“Mande usted?” Bro automatically responds. Kankri shakes his head.

“And you! _You_ knew!?” Kankri steps closer to him.

“Yeah, I knew.”

“And you didn’t tell me!?”

“Figured they’d tell you.” Bro nods over at the two of you, putting his camera away. Karkat grabs your hand and pulls you to his side.

“I cannot believe you would keep this from me! You’re the adult! How long has this relationship been a thing?” Kankri continues to tear into Bro.

“It’s not his fault! I asked him not to tell you!” Karkat confesses, clinging to your hand. Bro nods in agreement.

“Karkat?” Kankri looks over at him, confused.

“I didn’t feel like telling you the night he asked me out. I wanted to tell you once we were both serious about it, but time just flew and the more it did the worse I felt bringing it up,” He looks up at Kankri. “I owe you an explanation… and you’ll get it before the night ends. I just…” He trails off. You step closer to Kankri, pulling Karkat along with you.

“Kankri, sir, my dude. I love your brother. I _really_ do. I’ve made sure to respect him and his choices. We’ll answer all your questions we swear, but right now we’re running late.” You try to be as respectful as you can, but the reality here is that you are all going to be so late for this thing. Kankri puffs out his cheeks and crosses his arms, very clearly not liking this one bit.

“Very well. And I _expect_ to be allowed as many pictures as I want.” Kankri says. You look over at Karkat, he’s got that sad smile on his face.

“Yeah… Sounds fair.”

“Deal then.” You start tugging Karkat away. He gives Bro an apologetic wave. You just tug him a bit faster to the parking garage.

“Poor Bro. Also. Totally forgot that your bro didn’t know.”

“I did too…” Karkat sighs. “Completely forgot.”

“…Will he be alright?” you ask.

“I should have told him a long time ago. He’s going to think he messed up.”

“We’ll sit down and like, properly talk to him after graduation.”

“Yeah.” Karkat sighs. You bump your shoulders together.

“Let’s go to this thing before we’re too late, yeah?” You bring his hand up to your lips and peck at his knuckles.

“You’re driving. I don’t have the head for it right now.” He tells you pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“A’ight. Pass me the keys then.” You say. He fishes them out of his pocket and hands them to you, getting into the car. You slip in and start it up, heading off to campus.

“Maybe after the ceremony we can go to dinner and talk to him there.”

“Yeah man.” You nod, reaching out and taking his hand. He holds it and the two of you drive in relative silence, too nervous to think of anything to say.

When you arrive, you get directed to student parking. The lot is nearly full. You have no doubt that mostly everyone is already lined up and ready to go. You look over at Karkat once more and he squeezes you hand. The two of you get out and rush to the auditorium.

“I’ll meet you at the end of the ceremony?” Karkat asks, anxiously looking about the mass of people now contained inside.

“Yeah, by the goalposts.” You tell him, giving him a quick peck on his cheek. He smiles at you and lets you go. He goes into the line to get his honors rope thing and you go to your designated line. You look around for your friends from your spot. You barely catch sight of Jade before she tackles you.

“Dave!” She screams happily.

“Jade!” You hug her tight.

“Oh my god! You look great! John! I found him!” Jade smiles. You look over to where she’s shouting at now and see him in line with the other E’s. He waves at you and you give him a wave back. Jade chuckles.

“He refuses to leave his place.”

“What a lame-o. Just leaving us hanging.” You joke.

“Rose is with Kanaya. She’s very nervous.” Jade informs you.

“Who, Rose or Kanaya?” You ask.

“Kanaya! She’s the valedictorian, Dave. She gets to give a speech.”

“Oh shit, seriously?” _You had no idea._

“Rose already cried thrice!”

“Aww,” You tease. “Who else is doing speeches? Do you know?” You ask.

“Kanaya, the principal, and then like the head of the school district? Something like that.” She shrugs.

“So it shouldn’t be _that_ long.” You muse.

“We just sit and listen right? Maybe clap?” Jade asks you.

“Yeah. Then get our paper.” You nod.

“Hey! Where’s Karkat?”

“Over there.” You gesture back over to the honors line.

“Aww. I got mine too!” She swings the blue rope cord around. It tangles with the black and gold ribbon with the school’s crest attached to it. It’s one that all of you graduates get. Even you have one. It’s heavy, rustic looking, and so obviously fake based on the coloring of the crest but it’s absolutely worth the struggle and you all wear it with pride.

“That’s pretty sweet, Jade.” You tell her as she untangles it.

“Don’t ask Rose for hers though,” Jade warns, making a face. “She got a 3.3.”

“Is that bad?” You ask.

“It’s _exactly 0.1_ away from getting honors.”

“Oh. Yikes.” You wince. She nods in agreement.

“Right? But anyways! Are you ready?” She claps her hands together.

“Not really.” You confess.

“What? Why not?”

“I don’t know. Just. Nervous.” You settle on.

“You’ll be fine!” She says, grabbing you by the back of your shoulders and guiding you to what must be your actual line. You let her guide you to the right place since you weren’t where you thought you were.

“Just smile lots and remember to grab with your _left_ and shake with your _right_.” She reminds you.

“Yeah, still nervous though.” You tell her.

“We’ll be alright!” She gives you one last hug. “See you after the ceremony! Grandpa wants pictures!”

“Yeah man.” You watch her skip away to the H’s, waving one last time once she’s situated there. Rose barely scoots into her line in time before all of you start being led out the side doors and making your way closer to the football field.

            Pomp and Circumstance starts playing as you hit the far edge and start making your way to the rows and rows of chairs set up on the grass. You can hear various cheers and screams for specific people. There’s a couple of air horns, which are technically against the school rules, and a few signs being waved around. You march around the track field making sure that everyone in the stands can see you.

“Fuck yeah lil’ man! So proud of you Dave!” You hear Bro shout. You glance up and catch sight of him waving energetically by Kankri, Cronus, Rose’s mom, John’s dad, Jade’s grandpa, Gamzee and Cali. They all seem amused by him for the most part. You wave back just as energetically, fuck getting in trouble, that’s your bro! He chuckles and then his camera’s back in his hands clicking pictures.

            You follow the line until you get to your seats. You quickly plop down into your seat and wait for everyone else to finish swarming in and doing the same. Once everyone is finally seated, and all the teachers and various other presenters are on stage, the ceremony begins. Everyone or well, mostly everyone, stands for the pledge. You give props to those who are brave enough to stay seated, you aren’t.

            You are told to sit down after. The principal stands up at the podium and reads off his small notecards you saw him slip out of his sleeves. You don’t really listen. It’s hard to focus with everything going around you. Professionals are taking photographs and videos, people in the stands are milling about, the student body surrounding you whisper to one another, it’s very distracting. You keep looking around. You don’t even notice when the principal stops talking and the district head begins hers.

            Being here, now, feels strange. It’s surreal. You’ve been trying so hard to get to this point, and here you are. Four long years of hell and you finally have made it. It also leaves you with a feeling of loss. What do you do now? You’ve accomplished your goal, do you set a new one?

            You remind yourself about college. That can be your new goal. Another two to four plus years of suffering to get another few papers. Then what would you do after that? You can’t breathe. Oh god. What are you going to do with your life? You are so unprepared for anything beyond schoolwork. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The kids next to you give you a strange look. You try to reel in the panic, but man is it hard to do.

“Ah, hello, can you all hear me well?” Kanaya’s voice cuts through the brain fog and you latch onto it. You look back up on stage where she’s carefully adjusting the microphone.

“My apologies, I appear to be much taller than the previous speakers.” The students chuckle softly and she takes a deep breath to steady herself.

“Hello fellow students, teachers, parents and guardians alike. It is such an honor to not only graduate, but to have been given such a large role to play within this ceremony.” She smiles out at everyone, slowly relaxing the more she talks. You wonder how Rose is doing right now. If she’s crying and proud of her babe up there.

“It hasn’t been easy for any of us to make it here. All of us have undergone some sort of trial. However, we have prevailed and proven that we are stronger than those who wish to put us down.” You nod along with some of the other students. You glance around at the rows of chairs, trying to spot your friends again. You can’t quite find them, but then again they blend in with everyone else.

“ --ave to thank not only my teachers for their guidance, but my family and friends who have supported me all along. I have to also thank my lovely partner, Rose, for her compassion and care, without her I certainly wouldn’t be up here presenting this speech. She gives me the courage to do things I am fearful of, and the strength to continue in hardships.” Oh my god. You cannot believe she managed to sneak that by the school board. Of course there are a few not so polite jeers thrown up, and a few totally inappropriate comments. She does pause slightly from it.

“Y’all cute as fuck!” You shout, earning a few chuckles from students. Kanaya smiles in your direction and continues with her speech. You slouch down in your seat when you see a few security type personnel walk along by you. They wouldn’t drag you out would they? If they did, you’d be certain that they went back to grab the others.

They keep on walking past you and you breathe a sigh of relief. You scoot back up and roll your shoulders. The kid next to you no longer seems worried about you, which is a relief. In fact, Kanaya’s speech helped soothe your nerves a bit. You jiggle your leg and stare up at the night sky. Moths are starting to gather up at the stadium lights. You tune back into Kanaya, only to realize she’s wrapping up her speech.

“--nd I could think of no better way to put it, than how Ellen DeGeneres did. ‘Follow your passion, be true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, then by all means you should follow that. Be true to yourself and everything will be fine’. So thank you, graduating class of 500 in this wonderful year of 20--” Everyone cheers loudly, drowning her out. She smiles and waves, before being guided off stage to her seat. It’s finally time.

            They bring the first row of kids up, calling their first and last name and announcing if they received honors. Kanaya strides across the stage first, as the valedictorian. After her, it’s all alphabetical. You have quite the time to wait being near the end of the letters. So you sit and listen for people you know.

“Eridan Ampora, Honors.” He graciously accepts his diploma the way you figured he would..

“Sollux Captor.” Huh, you guess he was allowed to walk the line. Good for him. You hope he’s been well.

“John Egbert.” John almost trips on his way there, earning a couple of giggles from those around you.

“Fuck yeah, John!” You cheer. He gives an awkward wave to the camera before jogging off stage.

“Jade Harley, Academic distinction.” She obviously jinxed herself when she was talking with you earlier, grabbing her diploma with the wrong hand and causing the principal to give her a very awkward handshake.

“Go Jade!” You shout regardless. She scampers off stage, face turning red and hiding behind her diploma case.

“Rose Lalonde.” She walks with determination and her head held high with confidence. She’s so far the only one of the four of you to not mess it up.

“So proud of you, Rose!” You clap loudly. She does a slight curtsey and continues off the stage.

“Nepeta Leijon.” A part of you is surprised she didn’t get honors. Maybe, like Rose, she was cheated out of it by a 0.1 difference. She doesn’t seem to mind though, happily holding her diploma up high as she runs off stage.

“Tavros Nitram.” He wheels up the side ramp by the stairs. Much like Nepeta he holds his diploma up high by the edge of the stage. But he’s very clearly showing it to someone out on the stands. He looks proud of himself.

Your row rises to their feet. You follow behind the kids in front of you. You take a couple of deep breaths and try to relax.

“Feferi Peixes, Honors.” Of _course_ she got honors. It wouldn’t surprise you if Kanaya barely beat her for valedictorian.

“Vriska Serket.” Oh god are your hands sweaty? You casually wipe them on your gown and ignore how fast your heart is racing right now. There’s two more people in front of you, but that suddenly seems so little compared to before.

“David E. Strider.” Your name is called out. Now or never. You take the stairs with as much fake confidence as you have.

“Hell fuckin’ yeah! You go lil’ bro!” You can hear from the stands. You’re not even the slightest bit embarrassed by Bro.

“Woo! Yeah, Dave!” Jade screams.

“Get it, Dave!” Karkat shouts.

“Congrats, Dave!” Rose calls out.

“Show that stage who’s boss, Dave!” You think that was John. It seems like a John thing to say. You shake hands with the principal, and take your diploma in the other.

“Good job, Dave.” He tells you.

“Thank you, sir.” You nod, walking across to shake hands with the head of the school district. She smiles warmly at you and congratulates you as well. With that you walk off stage and the moment is over. Just like that. You hold the small black case close to your chest as you walk back to your seat. You open it the moment you sit down. There printed on the paper, is your name. Signed and officated. It’s real. It’s really happening. You are snapped back into reality when you glance up and see Karkat waiting by the stairs.

“Karkat Vantas, Academic distinction.” He walks up, back straight and head high.

“Fuck yeah, go baby! You get that diploma!” You shout as loud as possible, and then proceed to whistle and make various other noises. Karkat is turning a nice shade of red by the time he leaves stage.

“Ayy, good job love.” You call out as he passes by your row. He rolls his eyes and smiles at you.

“You too.” He makes his way back to his seat. You practically vibrate with energy now. The last of the students are in line. You slowly count them down, until finally, the last one is called.

“And Equius Zahhak, Honors.” He walks up and across, shaking hands and accepting his diploma. He takes a couple of steps away from them and turns his back to the crowd.

He then backflips off the stage. Which gives you a near heart attack, and has everyone cheering. He lands on his feet and immediately dabs. It makes the cheers increase ten fold. You are horrendously confused, since he’s not the kind of guy to do that. Nepeta gives him a very strong high five as he passes her, and you realize she sat him up for it. He uses his hold on her hand to tug her close and kiss her. You aren’t sure what’s more surprising. His backflip, his kiss or the way Nepeta kisses him back.

            After everyone calms back down, and Equius takes his seat the principal returns to the podium. He nervously laughs and clears his throat. He clearly wasn’t prepared for Equius’ stunt either.

“By the power vested in me by the State of Texas, I now pronounce you graduates of Sp--” His voice gets drowned out by the mass of students and family cheering. You barely remember to turn your tassel along with the rest of the crowd.

            You totally aren’t crying when you toss your cap high in the air with everyone else either. You are quick to catch it and then charge for that field goal, looking for Karkat. The moment you find him you tackle him and bring him close to you. You excitedly press your lips to his, picking him up and spinning him around.

A couple of wolf whistles cut through the chatter of students and you carefully set him back down, breaking the kiss. You bury your red face into his shoulder and laugh. You can’t believe that this is it. You did it. It’s real, and it’s over.

“I’m. We… We did it!” You jump and shake Karkat slightly. “We did it! We did -- Aaaaaaaah!” You scream, having no other way to truly describe how you feel. Karkat is red as can be, smiling widely. You pull him in for another kiss. He holds you close and melts into your arms. You rock gently back and forth.

“You did it, high school is officially over!” He says, breaking the kiss and looking up at you. You notice that his cap is missing and wonder where it got to before getting distracted by his breathtaking smile again.

“Yeah! Hahaha!” You laugh loudly, and pick Karkat up again. You twirl around.

“Dave!” He clings to your arms.

“I’m just!” You continue laughing, setting him down and holding him close.

“Excited? Happy? Proud of yourself?” He chuckles.

“Yeah!”

“I’m so proud of you…” He smiles up at you.

“I am too. And I’m proud of _you_. Oh my god. We did it. We made it.” You smile back at him. He takes your hands in his and kisses your cheek. You hug him tightly and he wraps his arms around your neck to keep you close.

“God. We did it.” You choke on tears. You bite at your lip and he rubs your back.

“Dave!” John calls out. You sniffle and causally wipe at your face. You clear your throat and look up to see John coming over. You wave.

“John!” He wraps his arms around you and Karkat, squeezing tightly. Karkat grunts.

“Bro is looking for you guys! He’s waiting with Dad and Mom Lalonde.” He tells you, releasing you both from his crushing strength.

“Sweet. You find Jade or Rose?” You ask.

“Nope,” He pulls his phone out. “But when I do I’ll send them that way! They’re by the gate where Rose got sick freshman year.” Karkat gives him a confused look but you chuckle and take his hand.

“Alright. Later.” You say as John rushes away on his phone. You walk to the gate that Rose christened, leading Karkat. You spot Kanaya, arms full of bouquets. She does her best to wave at you.

“Oh there they are.” You point out and walk over to them.

“Well I hope you’re happy! You almost made me cry, Kanaya.” Karkat tells her once she’s in earshot.

“Is that so? I am so terribly _not_ sorry in the slightest.” She teases.

“I would’ve cried too. Just flat out bawled. If I wasn’t saving my tears for later.” You chuckle.

“Aww, Dave, you couldn’t spare a few for her lovely speech?” Rose jokes. You choose not to mention her mascara streaking down her face or her smudged lipstick. She probably already knows.

“Oh hush you.” You tell her instead. Kankri, Bro, and the other adults approach your gathering. Karkat pauses, looking up at Kankri, before he’s scooped up into his older brother’s arms. You think you can hear him apologizing to Kankri.

“C’mere you!” Bro calls, bringing an arm around your shoulders and pulling you tightly into his side. You hug him back and smile into his shirt.

“You did it kiddo. How’s it feel?” He asks you.

“Like I have one fancy fuckin’ paper.” You chuckle. He releases you and smiles down at you.

“It is one fancy as fuck paper.”

“Thanks Bro.” You tell him.

“What for?”

“Everything. Keeping me, paying to keep me fed and dressed and housed. For getting me to school everyday. For being here for me, and doing what you could for me. God, everything Bro.” You say.

“Now yer the one who’s gunna make me cry.” He says, biting his tongue and tilting his head back.

“Totally fair.” You jab him lightly in his ribs. He snorts. Karkat comes back over to you.

“Hey babe.”

“Hey.” He laces his fingers with yours.

“I guess it’s all over now. It’s finally all over.” You say. He shakes his head.

“We’re just getting started, Dave.” He squeezes your hand. Your name is Dave Strider, and you’ve been through hell and back; and honestly as long as you have your little help goblin, and boyfriend, Karkat by your side you can handle just about anything life throws your way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/
> 
> \--
> 
> Wow guys, I just want to thank you all for joining both me and my lovely beta'r/artist these past three years. I know it's been a long wait and there were awkward pauses during this but as promised, I didn't give up on it. All that's left is the Epilogue. Thank you all once again for reading, commenting, sharing, liking, and leaving kudos! I hope you all have a wonderful time out there!
> 
> \- DemonSushi01


	40. Epilogue: Life Goes On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> \- Mentions Of Self Harm  
> \- Adult Content  
> \- Off To College We Go  
> \- Bittersweet Brotherly Moment  
> \- Hinted Psychologist  
> \- Hinted Sexy Times  
> \- Intimate Touches  
> \- School  
> \- Summer School  
> \- Water/River  
> \- The Ultimate Davekat Moment In This Story We Suppose lol

            One month before your first year of college, you finally find a place that’s close to both your new job you picked up during the summer and the campus. It takes them about a week to run all the checks they need to on you, but you pass eventually. Bro comes with you to do the initial check of the place and tells you what to mark down as “pre-existing” damages. He helps you find quite a few things and you snap pictures of everything that you write down on the list.

            After that, you sign your paper and you get your keys. It’s a small one-bedroom apartment, but it functions for what you need. Bro rest a hand on your shoulder and looks around once more. He’s already getting that empty nest syndrome and you haven’t even left yet. He squeezes your shoulder and takes you back home. Or, well, his place you suppose you should call it now? It’s still home to you. How weird.

            He brings you back to _his_ place to help you finish off packing. You had slowly been stuffing things into boxes as soon as you had found the place. Maybe it could’ve gone horribly, but you like to think it encouraged fate to give you the green light. Bro helps you seal the boxes and scribble down what they are on their sides.

            Your phone buzzes softly in your pocket as Bro sets about taking your bed apart. You casually slide it out and look at the screen. It’s several messages from Karkat.

 

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: HEY HEARD THE NEWS.

CG: I’M GLAD YOU GOT IN. SEND ME THE ADDRESS LATER, OKAY?

CG: I PROMISE THAT KANKRI AND I WILL COME HELP AFTER WE FINISH GETTING ME INTO THE DORMS.

TG: yeah man

TG: no sweat

 

            You smile softly and send him the address and apartment number. You then scoop up a couple of boxes and haul them out to the living room. It’s mostly to keep them from taking up too much space. You also nab a few trash bags on your return trip, moving them out of the way as well. Bro is grumbling from the side of your bed.

“I wanna take this damn thing, not break it!” He huffs. You shake your head and go to offer help when something snaps. The two of you freeze in place.

“What was that?” You ask eventually.

“Uh… My back?” Bro says, clinging to whatever piece he still had in his hands.

“You’d be fucking dead.” You walk over to him. He hesitantly lets go of the bed and relaxes slightly when it doesn’t fall apart immediately. He looks under your bed.

“Can you see it?”

“Yeah, I see it.”

“Is it that bad?” You ask.

“Seems like yer mattress had a busted wood board. Easy fix though kiddo. We’ll jus’ replace all the boards.” He says, reaching underneath.

“At least that’s an easy fix.” You heave a relieved sigh. Bro whistles softly causing you to raise an eyebrow.

“I totally forgot about these.” He says.

“About wha -- Oh my god.” You start to ask but he crawls out from the other side of your bed with the Playboy magazines. You groan.

“The Playboys.”

“Ya dun need these, right? I mean, yer old enough t’buy yer own. That an’ ya dun seem that into tiddies anyways.” He sets them down in a stack next to you.

“Yeah I don’t want ‘em. Could probably send ‘em to a very lonely John.” You snicker.

“I’ll leave that ta _his_ legal guardian.” Bro shakes his head and shimmies back under the bed. He starts kicking the stuff under there out. You lean against the wall and observe for a bit. Once he’s got everything out you join him by the mess on the floor.

“Shit man, almost need another garbage bag.” You hum. He moves some crumpled up papers into a bag filled with other recyclable items and a few wrappers into a trash bag.

“You were always so damn _messy_. What’s with yer instinct ta nest?” He asks confused.

“I think the birds got to me, Bro. But also, depression.” You say, helping him sift through the pile.

“Yeah,” He trails off, playing with something in his hands. “Trash or donate?” He asks, showing you a braided rope bracelet. It takes you a full minute to fully process what he’s showing you, and once it clicks you scream very loudly. You jump over the trash pile and tackle Bro for it.

“Hey!” He flops back against the bed. You take the bracelet from him.

“I have looked _everywhere_ for this! How the fuck!?” You screech. Bro lets you have it, sitting up slightly.

“What is it? Is it magic or some shit?” He asks.

“No! It um…” You trail off, a bit embarrassed now. You run your fingers over the faded colors and trace the braiding. Bro gives you a questioning look and you take a deep breath.

“When um… When Karkat took all my shit…” You start, uncertain of how to explain.

“All yer shit?”

“The drugs. I was scared I’d relapse again. So he uh, gave me this.”

“Oh…” He scoots closer to you, looking at the bracelet.

“He made me promise him to wear it.”

“What would that do?” He asks.

“…I’d keep a promise. After braking so many I made with you.” You glance over at him. He hums thoughtfully.

“Start small.” He says after a moment. You nod in agreement.

“Yeah, but I… I got upset and just,” You sigh. “I just yanked it off and tossed it.”

“What made ya upset enough t’do that?” He looks up at you.

“It was a shitty day, with a lot of feelings.” You say. Bro pats the spot next to him. You chew your lip and sit. After a beat or two you finally get the words out.

“You remember the day you found uh, all my letters?” You ask softly. He loops his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in close to him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared.” He mumbles. You lean into his touch.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper to him.

“Yer fine kid.” He ruffles your hair.

“Well, that was the day.” You wiggle the bracelet in your hands. He nods slightly and you take a breath and continue.

“I was gonna do something real stupid, but Karkat took…them...away before. I didn’t even know. He just left a note there and after I read it, I went straight to him. It’s why my room was thrashed.”

“You were looking fer yer stuff…” He mumbles. You nod.

“You wouldn’t have known, if they had still been there.” You rub at one of your shoulders, soothing the itching feeling that comes up.

“Yeah, huh?” Bro sighs, flopping onto his back. You watch him stare up blankly at your ceiling before laying down by his side.

“Where did I mess up? Like… When did I let ya feel so damn alone?” He asks you.

“It’s not your fault Bro.” You tell him. He slides his shades off his face and tries to casually drape his arm over his eyes. It’s not as sneaky as he thinks it is. It just makes your heart ache.

“It was a lot of bullying and stress and I was just…sick of it.” He nods, not uncovering his face.

“I hated my reflection enough one day and just, slammed the bathroom cabinet open and,” You sigh. “One of your blades fell out and nicked me. That’s how it started.” You swallow down a knot in your throat before risking a glance back at Bro. He’s looking at you, misty eyed.

“I’m glad ya got help. But uh, y’know, if ya want to talk to someone…” He starts.

“I got you? I know.” You give him a small smile and a light tap to his shoulder.

“No, not jus’ that kid. I mean like, actual, lean back on them fancy couches and the whole ‘all started when I was born’. Um, like, if ya need a doctor. We can find someone yer comfortable with.” He sits up and rubs at the back of his neck. You bring your arms around him and give him a small hug.

“Thanks.” You whisper.

“I ain’t calling ya crazy, I jus’ -- ” He cuts himself off and brings his arms around your instead, holding you close once more.

“I mean it.” You squeeze him.

“Yer the best damn thing t’ever happen t’me…” He murmurs.

“You sure?” You ask, smiling up at him. “I think I can be a big pain too.” He laughs and casually wipes at his eyes.

“Yeah but, ya have yer days.” He smiles.

“Thank God for that.” You laugh with him.

 

* * *

 

               You’ve been at your place for two months now, and Karkat helps you finally unpack those last few pesky boxes you’ve been putting off. It’s been strange at first, you think as you move a couple of items from one box to your desk. The silence has almost gotten to you several times. You now keep at least one fan and some music on at all times just to combat it. Then there’s the few mishaps you’ve had with groceries, in which you didn’t quite get enough for the week. It would cause you to go to Bro’s for dinner instead of starving, and half the time he himself didn’t have the groceries nor patience to cook either.

            But you think you finally have the hang of it. Being an ‘Adult™’. Mostly. But now, with you being _officially_ unpacked, you’re taking another step in the right direction. You break down the last box and set it down by the recycling bin. Karkat is carefully putting your plates into the cupboard.

“See!? I told you, you brought them.” He says setting the last one in.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” You step behind him and wrap your arms around his waist. He closes the cupboard and rests his hands over yours.

“You need to stop growing. It’s illegal.” You pout. You can no longer rest your chin on top of his head like you used to.

“Stop growning? Are you kidding? At this rate I’ll be taller than you! Finally, my revenge!” He laughs maniacally, tilting his head back and kisses your temple. He’s just as tall as you know.

“No way, I’m the tall one in this relationship. Stop growing.” You smile anyway.

“Enjoy it while you can.” He turns in your hold, facing you, so he can kiss your lips. You hum, pleased, and rock the two of you back and forth.

“You’re so spoiled, look at you. You live on your own and you needed your boyfriend to come and help you unpack a puny box with ceramic plates.”

“Yeah. Living the dream. My beefy boyfriend helps me with things my noodle arms can’t do.” You squeeze him and he chuckles before pecking your cheek.

“I should get going.”

“Do you really have to?” You pout at him.

“It’d be wise, my roommate goes to bed soon and I forgot my key again.” He wiggles out of your grasp.

“Orrr, you could maybe, I dunno, stay the night?”

“Stay the night huh? What, is there another box you need help with?” He teases.

“No but… I miss you.” You admit. He smiles at you softly.

“You miss the sleepovers huh?” The two of you haven’t spent the night together after the two of you told Kankri you were dating.

“Yeah. I always got the best nights sleep. Please? I’ll get on my knees if I gotta.” You beg. Karkat chews on his lip and glances at the clock.

“Fine.” He agrees after giving it some thought.

“Hell yeah!” You smile widely.

“But. _You’re_ making me breakfast in the morning.”

“Hope you like pancakes and scrambled eggs then. That’s all I know for breakfast foods other than like, cereal.”

“Add some weenie to the eggs and I’m sold.”

“Sweet.” You smile.

“And let me borrow something to sleep in?” He pecks your temple.

“Yeah. At least you won’t be drowning in my clothes now.” You hum, heading to your room.

“They’re still a bit too long on me.” Karkat chuckles.

“Yeah, huh?”

“Mhmm.” He leans against your bedroom wall. You dig through your drawers and find some pajamas that should fit him.

“Hey, have you heard from Kanaya?” You ask as you pass them over.

“Yeah, she messages me every Friday. She’s loving it up there. She loves that it’s cold.” He says, getting changed.

“Of course.” You pull off your own sweaty shirt and toss it into the dirty clothes hamper.

“I want to visit her and Rose someday.” He says. You swap your skinny jeans for sweatpants and pull on an oversized t-shirt.

“Rose says that Kanaya’s been acting a bit strange.” You mention.

“Okay. You got me. I’m weak Dave. Oh, but don’t tell Rose! Promise me.” He just about vibrates with excitement. You gasp and a million ideas run through your head at once. Karkat reaches out and grabs at your arms.

“Dave, promise me!”

“I promise!” You tell him. He smiles widely.

“Okay, so, she found out that her program is being offered at the same school as Rose’s next semester. So,” He bounces a bit. “She wants to ask Rose to move in with her.”

“Dude! No way! I won’t say a word.” You zip your lips.

“Right? They’re too cute. I know Kanaya misses her to shreds.”

“Oh gosh, I’m so proud of them.” You say, flopping onto your bed. Karkat folds his clothes and sets them aside, and you’ll admit to checking him out in his undies. Not only has he gotten taller but he’s also filled out more. You weren’t kidding earlier about him being beefy. His arms are almost as thick as you are it seems, which as a beanpole isn’t much, but still. He pulls on your shirt and takes a moment to nuzzle at the collar.

“Cute.” You smile.

“Shh.” He pulls on his shorts and ignores his blushing face. You scoot over to make room for him on your bed. He crawls in and loops his arms around you, holding you close to him. You nuzzle at his neck and sigh softly.

“Oh yeah. Definitely missed this.”

“Aww. Sorry I’ve been so busy with school. I’ve neglected my babe.” He cups your jaw with a hand.

“It’s fine. We’ve both been busy.” You lean into the touch.

“I know I’ve been over for dinner and what not, but yeah. I definitely miss this too.” He wiggles underneath the covers and pecks your lips. You get cozy in his arms and hum softly.

“You gotta teach me how to make that fuckin’ chicken parmesan, man.” You mumble into his shoulder. He snorts.

“Maybe once we share a last name. They _are_ family recipes after all.” He cups your cheeks and tilts your head back so he can kiss along your jaw.

“I guess I’ll just have to marry you then.”

“You really want that chicken recipe that bad huh?” He nips at you teasingly.

“Nah. Just want you,” You shiver and trace his sides. “Food is just an extra nice bonus.” Karkat smiles down at you and you kiss his jaw back.

“Go to sleep.” He tells you, closing his eyes.

“Make me.” You challenge him. He pouts at you and you lean up and kiss his lips. He breaks into a soft smile and you cling to him.

“I’m not going to slip away in the middle of the night, Dave.” He laughs softly.

“I know, but, I like having you close.”

“Stop, you’ll make my heart melt.” He hides his face in your hair.

“Like you’ve done to mine?” You ask him, tilting your head back to catch sight of his red face. You give him a wink.

“It’s true.” You tell him.

“Stop!” He chuckles, kissing your lips once more to keep you quiet. You smile regardless and kiss him back. Karkat melts ever so slightly into you and wraps his arms around your shoulders. You nip at his bottom lip and run your fingers through his hair. He shivers and you kiss his jaw.

“This okay?” You ask.

“Yes,” He says very eagerly. “Sorry. Yeah.” He tries to say more calmly.

“It’s okay.” You smile at him. He just tugs you closer to him once more and you slip your hand underneath his shirt.

“This too?” You double check.

“Yeah.” He’s bright red and nods. He traces over your shoulders and you rub small circles into his chest. His hands slide up and into your hair, causing a chill to run down your spine. Karkat scratches at your scalp and you kiss at his collarbone before nipping his neck.

            He tugs at the back of your shirt and whines softly. You sit up enough to yank it off of yourself and fling it into the void. You then tug questioningly at the hem of his shirt, waiting for a response of sorts. He nods after a moment and you push it up slowly. He helps you by wiggling his arms out of the sleeves and getting it off his back.

            You press your lips over his heart and his hands come back to settle in your hair. You bite at your lip and press your fingers into his back, running them down along his spine. He melts into your arms. Your hands find themselves at his hips, tracing their shape under his skin. It encourages him to press his hips up against yours, and fuck, he feels _very_ nice. Very happy to see you.

            He tucks his face into the crook of your neck, moaning softly into your ear when you grind back up against him. He digs his nails into your shoulders and kisses at your jugular. You tilt your head to give him more room and he tugs at your hair. You curse and your hands fumble with his shorts as you start to slip a hand under them.

“This okay too?” You ask.

“Y-yeah.” He nods.

“Wanna get ‘em off?” You ask nervously even though you find yourself tugging at the hem of the shorts. He chews his lip and nods. You look at his face and try to get a good read on him. He doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable right now.

“Are you sure?” Doesn’t hurt to make sure though.

“Yes.” He kisses your shoulder, voice more confident. You start pulling his shorts off and toss them in the same direction your shirts went earlier. He throws a leg over your side and you run your fingers along his thigh. He softly moans your name into your ear. Which is something that you find to be quite a turn on that you didn’t know of before.

“Fuck.” You cling onto him. Karkat runs a hand down along your chest, you arch into his touch.

“Dave? Do you… um…” His blush almost seems to have expanded down to his chest.

“Hmm?”

“Um…” He lets go of you and covers his face with a hand. You kiss his exposed jaw and neck.

“What?”

“Dave.” He moans softly.

“Hmm?” You tease. He grumbles something and wraps his hands around your waist. He shifts so he’s on his back and pulls you on top of his lap. You gasp and then smile down at him.

“Hey.” You say.

“Hi.” He smiles back up at you. You lean down and kiss the tip of his nose and then his forehead.

“Hey you. Looking good.”

“Yeah?” He takes your hands in his and you lace your fingers together.

“Yeah man.” You nod. He kisses your knuckles and then brings your hands to rest on his hips. His arms come up to loop around your neck.

“Very nice. Happy to see me?” You trace his hips, rubbing circles into them.

“Always.” He chuckles, pressing up against your thigh. You shiver and grind down against him. Karkat makes a soft sound and covers his face. You don’t mind. You bite at your lip and tilt your head back.

“Want to um…” He trails off again as you run your hands along his chest.

“Hmm?”

“Fuck, Dave.” He scratches at your thighs.

“Yes.” You know it’s not what he meant but you also can’t get all the words out right now. And okay, you _are_ a bit eager too. He snorts and covers his face up again. You smile and laugh.

“I love you.” He peeks up at you.

“I love you too.” You smile down at him. He sits up and kisses your lips. Now it’s your turn to melt into his arms.

“Do you wanna keep going?” You ask him when you break the kiss.

“Do you?” He chews on his lip.

“Yeah.” You nod, bringing your arms around his shoulders. He nods back a little nervous, and holds you close. You kiss his cheek.

“We’ll take it slow, I got you.” You promise him. You might be nervous, but at least you manage to put on a confident front. You take a deep breath and push the nerves down a bit. You’re ready for this, you want to do this, and you promised Karkat and yourself one hell of a special first time.

 

* * *

 

              You celebrated Karkat’s 20th birthday not too long ago. It’s wild how fast time has passed you by. Two full years and you’re almost done with your degree. It leaves you buzzing with anticipation much like it did back in high school. But tonight however, you’re filled with anticipation for another reason entirely.

            It’s been three years, three wonderful years with Karkat. You’ll admit that you feared rushing in or letting the extended honeymoon phase carry you away. But, after giving this a lot of thought, you’re _very_ sure of it. So incredibly sure. The two of you are able to support yourselves, you both have jobs, and the two of you know you’ll be walking the line this upcoming semester. So the stars, as well as your academic careers, are in position.

            You run your fingers over the small velveteen box tucked away in your pocket. Your friends, including Kanaya, came with you to help pick it out last spring break. Kanaya had been a much better source of information than your friends, but they were mostly there for moral support you suppose. It didn’t really matter too much. You found the perfect one and bought it.

            Now, you just need to go through with your plan. You’ve been delaying it slightly these past few weeks. It felt like the timing was off or the conditions weren’t right. No more dilly-dallying around tonight though! It’s time. You can feel it in your bones. You send a short message to your friends, and they all wish you good luck in varying tones. You take a deep breath and focus back on the task at hand.

            The task being, waiting just outside of Karkat’s classroom for his summer class to end. You didn’t tell him you’d show up, since today is one of your off-days, and you hope to surprise him. You look out at the campus and remind yourself that you can do this. You already did the hardest part, asking Kankri for his blessing.

            It was an awkward experience that was almost nigh impossible to get. Mostly, due in fact that Karkat would stop and visit Kankri rather often. You had to practically schedule a private conversation with him. Kankri, of course, was very concerned about you but he relaxed when you finally manage to choke out the question, “May you bestow upon us many kind blessings and permission to marry your lil’ bro, my good sir”. You blame John for that.

            Karkat steps out of his class, the other students milling out as well. You reach out and grab his arm gently. He looks awfully surprised that you’re here, but relaxes as soon as he sees it’s you. Good. He won’t see any of this coming then. You link arms with him and start pulling him towards the parking lot where you saw his car on your way to his classroom. He chuckles softly and follows your lead.

“Okay, just tell me where you want to go tonight.” He seems to enjoy the spontaneous dates you two have now and then, but he always likes to know where the adventure will lead you.

“To the stars. And, if you trust me, you’ll let me guide you there. Or drive.”

“Only ‘cause it’s Friday tomorrow, which means no school.” He says, willingly passing you his keys. You kiss his cheek and take them.

“Fuck yeah.” You two get in the car. Karkat tosses his backpack into the backseat and fixes the passenger seat to fit his legs since it’s set for your chicken legs. You drive off campus and out away from the city.

“You’re _not_ going to go off-roading like you did last time, right?” He asks, rolling his window down and sticking his head out it. Last time you did that you took your truck, but even then the thing needed a wash right after. You don’t think his little car could handle that abuse. Only one way to find out.

“Not really.” You chuckle. As you promised, you don’t go off-roading _yet_ , but you do take another back road running alongside some fields. You’re glad it’s mostly the scent of citrus that fills the air, and not squash and flattened skunk like last time.

“How was class today?” He rests his head back and looks over at you.

“Didn’t have it today but yesterday was good.”

“Where are we off to?” He presses again.

“You’ll see.” You tease.

“Daveeee.” He whines, but you can tell he’s excited. You do have to do a bit of off-roading, driving down an unpaved service road along the side of a canal. You memorized the path earlier so you could find it, even in this low lighting. You take a smaller dirt road and this time Karkat whines and glares in your direction when it gets too bouncy.

“Okay, we’re here,” You park and slide out of the car. “Be careful.” You remind him.

“Where? The middle of nowhere?” He asks you, not too impressed with this destination. You open his door for him.

“Nope. Well. Yeah, actually.” You shrug. He gives you a questioning look before stepping out. It takes him a moment to adjust to the dim lighting. You look out at the river you parked in front of, the moonlight rippling on the surface. You take his hand and he laces your fingers together.

“Where are we?” He asks as you lead him a bit closer to the water.

“River. There’s like a park a few miles that way.” You gesture vaguely.

“I can see that it’s a river, but the question remains. Why?” He tries to get as close as he can to the water before it becomes too slippery for him. He clings to you to keep himself from falling in.

“Just cause. It’s a nice night, and it’s pretty out here.” You say, tucking your free hand into your pocket and feeling the other present you have for him.

“It is.” Karkat says, staring up at the night sky. You look over at him fondly.

“It’s as beautiful as you.” You say. He smiles over at you and kisses your lips. He then rests his head on your shoulder, looking out at the river. You look over at him though, the gentle curve of his nose and the soft curls of his hair. Your heart races under your skin. Like this, the two of you against the world, you are safe and warm and most importantly, loved. You want him, in many senses of the word, and by golly will you do near anything for him. Just like you know he would for you.

“You promise to love me? Even if I do stupid shit, just love me past all of it?” You start with a rush.

“…Dave, of course. I love you,” He takes your hand and looks up at you. “And we’ll make mistakes. Now and tomorrow. Of course I’ll love you.”

“Good.” You smile.

“Is everything alright?” He asks. You pull the old bracelet he had given to you once upon a time out. You pull his wrist closer to you and carefully tie it on.

“Perfect.” You say.

“Is that…?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You nod.

“Dave.” He smiles up at you, eyes a little misty.

“We found it when I was moving out.” You tell him. He wraps his arms around you and holds you close.

“I promise. I do. I love you.” He says. You chuckle and hold him, softly rocking you two back and forth. He looks back down at it.

“I can’t believe you found it. I honestly thought I’d never see it again,” He pauses for a second. “It was mom’s.” He finally confesses. You always knew there was something more to it than what he had been saying. He gives you a sad smile and holds it close to him.

“You kept it. After all this time. Like you promised.” He runs his fingers along it. You take a steadying breath.

“…Well, I’m glad we have a witness then.”

“A witness?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You say. He tilts his head, confused as to what you mean. You take his other hand and hold it close to you.

“Because you know what would _actually_ make this perfect?”

“What?” He smiles. You are nervous as all hell, but you drop down to one knee on the damp sand. You look up at him and he watches you with wide eyes.

“Dave?”

“I…would love it, if you did me the honor,” You pull the box out of your pocket. “Of being mine, forever, as my husband. Mister Karkat Vantas.” He covers his mouth and heaves a soft little sob. You open the box and reveal the engagement ring to him.

“Because there’s no one I’d rather spend my life with, than you.”

“Dave… I…” He smiles widely.

“Will you marry me?” You finally ask. He gasps.

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

“Yes?” You smile. He kneels down and tackles you back into the sand. You laugh and hold him close.

“Yes! Yes Dave!” He’s half crying and half laughing now. You gently push him back a bit, then carefully slip the ring on his finger. He covers his mouth and looks down at it. You actually left him speechless, but his eyes let you know how incredibly happy he is.

“Kanaya helped, a lot. And uh, I already asked your brother for his blessing.” You tell him. He shakes his head and pulls you close, pressing kisses to your face. You sigh happily and wrap your arms around him.

“I love you, I love you.” He murmurs after each kiss. He squeals softly and kicks his legs the best he can like this. You smile.

“Wanna send everyone a picture? I told ‘em I was gonna do it this time.” You ask.

“Ha! They’re going to shit themselves.” He smiles. You are just happy he’s so happy. He fixes his eyes and scoots closer to you. You kiss his cheek and hold him close, fishing your phone out. He rests his hand with his ring on your chest, his head against yours, and you snap a few pictures. You kiss his forehead and send it to your friends and family.

“Onward my love?” You look over at him. He kisses your lips.

“Onward and upward.”

 

**The true end is within our hearts.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://the-help-goblin.tumblr.com/
> 
> That's all folks! Once again, thank you for the last three years and I hope you all continue on with your lives <3


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